{"id":300209,"date":"2018-04-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-04-23T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:23","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:23","slug":"truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know\/","title":{"rendered":"Truths Your Daughter Needs to Know"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Daniel Anderson, Jacquelyn Anderson Meza | Series: Ten Myths of Teen Dating | Veteran high school teacher Daniel Anderson and his daughter, Jacquelyn, reminisce about Jacquelyn&#8217;s high school years and the &#8220;no dating&#8221; policy that ruled their household. Jacquelyn tells how she and her friends did things as a group instead, or as was often the case, just went underground and dated in secret. Daniel regrets trying to demand control and talks about what he wished he would have done instead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Veteran high school teacher Daniel Anderson and his daughter, Jacquelyn, reminisce about Jacquelyn&#8217;s high school years and the &#8220;no dating&#8221; policy that ruled their household.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-04-23.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:42","filesize":"25.37M","filesize_raw":"26598283","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2815,2855,2870],"tags":[2520,4359,4357,4358],"podcast_series":[7210],"cwp_profile":[8826,8827],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300209","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-wholeness","category-teens","category-tweens","tag-parenting-teens","tag-raising-teenagers","tag-teen-dating","tag-teenage-problems","podcast_series-ten-myths-of-teen-dating","cwp_profile-daniel-anderson","cwp_profile-jacquelyn-anderson-meza","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300209\/truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300209\/truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mUetAWOhLC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know\/\">Truths Your Daughter Needs to Know<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/truths-your-daughter-needs-to-know\/embed\/#?secret=mUetAWOhLC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Truths Your Daughter Needs to Know&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mUetAWOhLC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Veteran high school teacher Daniel Anderson and his daughter, Jacquelyn, reminisce about Jacquelyn's high school years and the \"no dating\" policy that ruled their household.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-04-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, my word!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> I\u2019m sure my dad was just mortified.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; so you read <em>I Kissed Dating Goodbye<\/em>. Did you immediately go back, armed with this new information\u2014the big word, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014and talk to your daughter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> No; I think Tamara talked to Jacquelyn a little bit\u2014my wife\u2014but mostly we just discouraged everything that might be dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe <em>thought<\/em> she was onboard: \u201cWe, as a family, love God. We want you to be protected; we want you to be ready to be married one day, and we want you to be wise. So we\u2019ll make all the choices for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, Jacquelyn, you felt like a victim?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019d say \u201cvictim\u201d is a good word. I felt like a victim of\u2014me and quite a few of my friends, who grew up in the church\u2014were victims of this: just no-dating policy: \u201cNo discussion about it,\u201d \/ \u201cIt\u2019s just a \u2018No,\u2019\u2014that\u2019s it!\u201d We kind of have come together, now, as a community\/as a group, and said, \u201cHey, this is how this has impacted us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what most of us did\u2014me included\u2014was we just went <em>real<\/em> underground. Instead of having my parents\u2019 guidance and being able to talk through these things, this like hard-core \u201cNo,\u201d policy just made me have to do everything in secret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You did a workaround?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> I did\u2014a hundred percent!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were you going out with guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, going steady and all that?<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Oh, yes. I had boyfriends\/dates. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know where I met most of those boyfriends?\u2014youth group.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some of my daughters did the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Oh, no kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! It\u2019s easy to go underground.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Oh, yes; and especially <em>now<\/em>, with the ability to communicate like it is now\u2014it\u2019s even worse. You could have a whole entire secret friendship with someone in a completely different country, and your parents would never find out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, were you telling your parents you were going one place on Friday night and you were really going someplace else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes; or the person would even be a part of a group\u2014or whatever that looked like\u2014but a lot of those kind of secret friendships\/relationships\u2014those actually came out of youth group; because, at school, your parents kind of know who you\u2019re hanging out with. I went to a private school\u2014Christian school\u2014my mom was my vice principal, so she knew what I was up to. A lot of those things happened through the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Somewhere, there are parents, who are sending their kids to youth group, going, \u201cMan, I thought this was something different that I signed up for!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, and that\u2019s kind of the alarm I want to sound here. I\u2019m not against youth group or youth group pastors. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>am<\/em> <em>for<\/em> parents being parents and not delegating this to a youth group pastor who, more than likely, does not have teenagers himself and doesn\u2019t understand the dangers involved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And don\u2019t presume that every kid in the youth group has reached entire sanctification, because they\u2019re <em>all<\/em> teenagers. We don\u2019t know where they are in their spiritual journey. Even if they\u2019re saying the right things, we don\u2019t know, all the time, what\u2019s really going on in their hearts; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> And kind of the missionary nature of <em>youth<\/em>\u2014they want to bring their friends in\u2014but then that does make that youth group maybe a different place than parents might think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so when we were raising our kids, here were some of the things that I said to our kids about dating. I said: \u201cFirst of all, it doesn\u2019t make any sense to date in high school; because you\u2019re not going to marry the person that you date in high school. It\u2019s just practice for divorce. It\u2019s just learning how to break up; how to have bad relationships; how to hurt one another.\u201d And I said: \u201cLook at your friends, who are dating. Do you think those friends are going to marry the people that they\u2019re doing this\u2014is this emotional incest?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had these kinds of conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, two of my kids married the people they dated in high school or that they had crushes on in high school; so they proved me wrong on all of that. But was my thinking misguided in what I was telling my kids; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> You know, I think you\u2019re on the right track; which is, you are trying to do what all parents do, which is, \u201cLet\u2019s apply logic to something that\u2019s not logical.\u201d It works <em>really<\/em> great for adults. I think it\u2019s the very <em>best<\/em> way when we try to teach our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talk in the book about\u2014I tried to control Jacque rather than sowing understanding. I think the more a parent can talk with their child\u2014help them understand kind of the larger implications of dating\u2014you\u2019re absolutely on the right track. The problem is\u2014those darn children have free will. In spite of our best intentions, and all the good that comes out of this, sometimes children are going to do what children do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They have free will and hormones, <em>both<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes; in abundance, both.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and Daniel, I just want to hitch-hike on something you said that was really powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tParents are approaching this logically, and it\u2019s not all logical\u2014it\u2019s highly emotional. You said, \u201cI needed to have, built into my daughter, understanding.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you\u2019re actually talking about is wisdom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> \u2014a hundred percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re not being na\u00efve \/ not being a fool\u2014but know how to understand what God\u2019s up to when a boy and a girl are attracted and they\u2019re alone together. There are all kinds of things that can happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYesterday, Barbara and I were spending some time in Proverbs, Chapter 8. I would just commend every parent to read Proverbs, Chapter 8, because it talks about wisdom\u2014wisdom is actually speaking like a person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I would appeal to parents to do\u2014realize that you need to introduce your son\/your daughter to wisdom. Wisdom is godly skill in everyday living\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it knows how to interpret the facts; it knows how\u2014for a young lady to look at a young man and understand a little bit of what he\u2019s thinking, and understand how he\u2019s wired, and know how to relate to him on a level of a real relationship. That means you, as a parent\u2014as parents\u2014we have to own the responsibility of educating and training our children in knowing how to think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes; I think what happened for us is\u2014when we said, \u201cNo,\u201d it circumvented some really important conversations that should have been had, much earlier, about: \u201cSadly, this is what a boy is in some cases. A 16-year-old young man: \u2018This is how they think...\u2019 \u2018This is how, biologically, they\u2019re different\u2026\u2019 \u2018This is how they think differently\u2014their brain development\u2019s different.\u2019\u201d You know, I tell young women, all the time: \u201cThe young man\u2014he\u2019s three or four years <em>behind<\/em> you in his emotional\/intellectual development. So when you, as a 16-year-old, are dating a 16-year-old, it\u2019s like you, when you were 12.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJacque missed out on that. That\u2019s why we wrote the book\u2014is to give parents an opportunity to go: \u201cWow! Here\u2019s some stuff I need to impress upon my daughter,\u201d and that\u2019s where that wisdom piece comes in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> And I think, too, those conversations are just very hard to have and super awkward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> I just want to encourage all parents\u2014my dad and I literally wrote a book, where we had to talk about sex, and all the mistakes I made when I was a teenager, and relationships. He had to have these conversations, where he said, \u201cHere\u2019s how I failed, as a parent.\u201d If we can write a whole book about it, you can sit down and talk to your kid for ten minutes. That\u2019s really kind of about creating those right sets of circumstances to have those conversations with your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys may not be aware of this, but FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> has created a couple of resources, over the years, designed to help facilitate parent\/teen interaction: one called <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> that\u2019s designed for, actually, parents and pre-teens\/pre-adolescents to start the conversation around these things. And then, we created <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014which loops back around at 14 or 15\u2014and says, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about your identity: who you are, how you see yourself, what your gifts are; but let\u2019s also talk about gender identity,\u201d\u2014which is an issue today\u2014\u201cand let\u2019s talk about your relationships with the opposite sex.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose conversations between parents and teen are <em>golden<\/em>\u2014parents are intimidated \/ the kids feel awkward\u2014but you have to <em>power<\/em> through that and make it happen; or if you don\u2019t, what happens is\u2014you get a daughter, like Jacquelyn at 15, who starts looking around at boys, and go: \u201cThey\u2019re cute,\u201d and \u201cI wish this one would like me,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and goes underground.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014he starts paying attention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to know: \u201cWhen boys did start liking you and wanting to hang out with you\u2014and you knew the \u2018No,\u2019 rule was in place at home, and you chose to violate that\u2014you <em>knew<\/em> you were underground \/ you were disobeying your parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat didn\u2019t matter to you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> No; but it does eat you up inside, because you do care what your parents think. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you do\u2014I want nothing more in the world. I still talk to my mom probably eight times a day. Oh, dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our listeners couldn\u2019t see as your dad just reached out and took your hand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> [Emotion in voice] It\u2019s painful\u2014just kind of dealing with some of the things that have happened in the past. I don\u2019t hold it against my parents at all, but I do wish that things would have been different. I have some regrets around that time; but you know, it did all come out in the end. I think that the blessing in this whole experience is that, when you learn a lesson the hard way, sometimes you can share that lesson and, hopefully, prevent someone else from learning it the hard way too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I just want to know: \u201cWere you and Tamara aware at all? Did you have any suspicions at all?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Clueless; clueless!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was underground, and she had it walled off so you had <em>no clue<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> No; and there was one particularly dark night\u2014that Jacque and I remember well\u2014where it kind of all came crashing down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> And this was when I was maybe 19 or 20.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes; and things that I had thought\u2014you know, sometimes your world gets completely rocked\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> \u2014in a way that you go, \u201cEverything I thought to be one way was another way.\u201d It was probably the most important night of Jacque\u2019s life and the most important night of my life, as a parent. I don\u2019t want that for another parent, you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you have to take us to that night. You\u2019re 19 or 20\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know. Ooh, man! That\u2019s a tough one!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long had you been underground dating at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Four or five, maybe, years or so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to say something here about how you could hide something that long\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because there are parents, listening, \u201cOh, Daniel\u2014he and his wife were out to lunch!\u201d [Laughter] No; they weren\u2019t out to lunch. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014Bob, we\u2019ve had this statement made, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> by a teenager, who became a 20-something, who was doing really, really hard drugs. She said, \u201cMy ability to deceive my parents was much greater than their ability to discern the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s where you guys were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes; and discerning the truth is <em>hard<\/em>, because, I mean, there\u2019s not a parent alive who doesn\u2019t assume the best of their child. To flip that switch and go, \u201cMy child\u2019s on the wrong path,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You don\u2019t want to believe it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t. No; you filter all the information that you receive through this prism of understanding, which suggests: \u201cYou know, my daughter loves Jesus. My daughter\u2019s involved in the church. My daughter shares the same goals and visions for her future that her mother and father do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWe pray together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes; and everything looks like that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> \u2014and also <em>this<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, I don\u2019t want to be too invasive here; but tell us what you can tell us about that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Basically, it <em>all<\/em> came tumbling out. You keep this really black, deep, dark thing in your heart for four or five years\u2014that\u2019s a long time to be carrying that around. But the instant effect of coming clean was life-changing. I see that as a point in my life, where I was going in one direction; and I completely went the other direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you just come clean or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014were you caught?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did something get found out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> I was <em>caught<\/em>; but then, I took this as my opportunity to say: \u201cGuess what? I can confess. I can get this all off my chest right now, and I\u2019m going to feel <em>way<\/em> better.\u201d It\u2019s awkward, and it\u2019s a <em>really<\/em> hard conversation to have\u2014like an unbelievably hard conversation to have\u2014but I felt\u2014I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> felt better as I did, leaving that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And meanwhile, you and Tamara had to have just gotten hit with a ton of bricks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes; I was\u2014there\u2019s not even a word\u2014devastated \/ just crushed. Certainly, there are way worse things in this world that happen to people; but when bad things happen, it\u2019s an opportunity for growth. Otherwise, it\u2019s just a terrible thing. What that did\u2014it allowed me to recalibrate who I was, as a person; because, really, it was about me and my relationship with God\u2014that I had sort of supplanted God and said, \u201cI know best\u201d; and I didn\u2019t really listen enough\u2014that doesn\u2019t mean just to Jacque. I didn\u2019t really listen enough to, maybe, the Scriptures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI maybe didn\u2019t listen enough to the people around me, who, maybe, were offering suggestions about my own daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Coach a parent, right now, who\u2019s listening and going, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019m being duped or not.\u201d I mean, you don\u2019t want to speak suspiciously\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014negatively to your son or to your daughter; but their ability to deceive is there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Yes; and I think it depends on the issue; right? I mean, if you\u2019re worried your son or daughter is staying up late, watching TV\u2014is one thing\u2014versus \u201cI think my daughter\/son may be involved in drugs.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or staying up late, watching pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Daniel:<\/strong> Right; exactly. I think, really, the conversation needed to start when they\u2019re really young; but if you think your children are maybe on the wrong track, sometimes you just have to go to them and say: \u201cI haven\u2019t been fair to you. I haven\u2019t listened to you. Tell me what you\u2019re going through,\u201d \u201cTell me where you\u2019re at,\u201d \u201cTell me where you\u2019re at, spiritually,\u201d \u201cTell me where you\u2019re at with your thought life.\u201d Try to set up an environment where a child can really speak truth to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt still may not work; but the approach that we take, as parents\u2014where we control\u2014doesn\u2019t work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I just want to point a couple of really important things here. First of all, a child, who gets caught, may <em>fake<\/em> repentance. They may fake that they\u2019re sorry for getting caught, <em>not<\/em> for what they\u2019ve done. Your repentance, Jacquelyn, was heartfelt\u2014it went to, not merely being sorry for what you\u2019d gotten caught <em>doing<\/em>, but you were happy to come clean and fully repent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where parents need to understand a little bit of what the Bible teaches about repentance. One of the best passages to go to in the Bible is 1 John, Chapter 1. There\u2019s really one verse in here\u2014verse 9\u2014I want to read to you; but I\u2019m going to start in verse 8\u2014it says, \u201cIf we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves; and the truth is not in us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s saying: \u201cWe all make mistakes. We all sin. We all fall short of what God wants us to do, and how He wants us to live.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then it goes on to say, \u201cIf we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.\u201d Now, that\u2019s speaking of our relationship with our heavenly Father. If we have a relationship with Him, through Jesus Christ, He\u2019s our Master, our Lord, [and] our Savior. If we confess our sins, God is always ready to forgive and reinstate us back into a relationship <em>with Him<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jacquelyn:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what a parent needs to do as well. Our forgiveness needs to be absolute in saying: \u201cJacquelyn, I loved you before; I love you now. Our love isn\u2019t changing. Let\u2019s work our way through this, and let\u2019s talk about what we could have done differently here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019ve been sitting here, thinking about something one of our guests said, years ago, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014the idea that \u201cRules without relationship equals rebellion in the life of a teen.\u201d I\u2019m thinking about the movie that\u2019s going to be in theaters next Tuesday and Thursday night\u2014the movie that we produced called <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. One of the pivotal moments in that movie comes around a relationship between a father and a daughter, where things aren\u2019t going well; because Dad hasn\u2019t been engaging, relationally, with his daughter\u2014he\u2019s been too preoccupied with other things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of the message that you guys are conveying in your book, <em>The 10 Myths of Teen Dating, <\/em>which we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. I\u2019d hope moms and dads would get a copy of this book and start thinking about how they\u2019re doing in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope our listeners will come out to the theater Tuesday or Thursday to see the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re in more than 800 theaters across the county. I know some of these theaters have already sold out for, at least, one of the performances next week; so now is a good time to get a group together \/get some tickets, and plan to join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, let me encourage you\u2014if you\u2019re going to come out to the movie next week\u2014either Tuesday or Thursday\u2014plan to get to the theater early\u2014show up at 6:30. We\u2019ve got a pre-show that we\u2019re doing before the movie begins. The movie will start at 7:00, and then plan to stay when the movie\u2019s over. Alex and Stephen Kendrick are going to join us, and we\u2019re going to have a follow-up conversation after the movie is over. Make a night of it, and join us in your local theater. You can find out where the movie is playing when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014the information is all available there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019ve got copies of the book we talked about today from Daniel Anderson and Jacquelyn Meza called <em>The 10 Myths of Teen Dating. <\/em>You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also just say\u2014a lot of people, who have heard about FamilyLife\u2019s new <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series that\u2019s coming out next week\u2014I know a lot of parents of teens think: \u201cYou know, we\u2019re kind of past the parenting instruction phase. There\u2019s not much help for us at this point. We\u2019re too far down the road,\u201d\u2014one of the things that the <em>Like Arrows <\/em>movie is trying to communicate\u2014and one of the things that we tried to make sure of in the video series\u2014it\u2019s never too late to engage with your children, at whatever age and stage you find yourself \/ you find them. Now\u2019s the time to start making some of the adjustments you need to make so that your kids are pointed in the right direction as you get ready to release them, like arrows. Find out more about the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series, which also comes out next week. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information, or call us if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs always, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make this daily radio program possible\u2014those of you who donate to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Your donations go to help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program so that more people can more regularly engage with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family. When you\u2019re donating, you\u2019re really helping moms and dads and husbands and wives stay focused on the Bible and on what God wants for their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, we are asking listeners to consider making a special donation to a pastors\u2019 scholarship fund that enables us to be able to send pastors and their spouses to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as our guests\u2014actually, as your guests. When you donate to this fund, you make those scholarships possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fund is starting to get depleted, so would you consider going online and making a special donation so that a pastor and their spouse can go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway? You can find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue looking at some of the myths associated with teen dating. Daniel Anderson and his daughter, Jacquelyn Meza, will be back with us tomorrow. I hope you\u2019ll be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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