{"id":300199,"date":"2018-04-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-04-09T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/respecting-your-son\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:22","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:22","slug":"respecting-your-son","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/respecting-your-son\/","title":{"rendered":"Respecting Your Son"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Emerson Eggerichs explains that one compelling desire of a mother is to connect to her son, and she can do that by what she says and how she says it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-04-09.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:16","filesize":"24.96M","filesize_raw":"26173979","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2835,2855],"tags":[4332,4334,2209,4333,4330,4331],"podcast_series":[7206],"cwp_profile":[3367,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300199","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-boys","category-teens","tag-how-to-talk-to-your-son","tag-how-to-talk-with-your-stepson","tag-parenting","tag-positive-parenting","tag-respect","tag-tips-for-moms","podcast_series-mother-and-son","cwp_profile-emerson-eggerichs","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300199\/respecting-your-son","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300199\/respecting-your-son","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MdgOVpJrRX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/respecting-your-son\/\">Respecting Your Son<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/respecting-your-son\/embed\/#?secret=MdgOVpJrRX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Respecting Your Son&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"MdgOVpJrRX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-04-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-04-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There have been a lot of moms who have observed that, as their sons have reached adolescence, they\u2019ve gone from having a sweet, loving relationship with their little boy to clashing with their teenage son. Emerson Eggerichs says he knows how to help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>I know that the number one desire of a mother is to <em>connect<\/em> with her son; and if I could say to her, \u201cIf I could give you a few vocabulary words that would cause him to soften in his spirit and turn toward you and connect, would you be interested, even if he\u2019s been a little disrespectful towards you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. If you\u2019re a mother with a teenage son, would you like to know what those few magic words are that can help soften your son\u2019s heart when you\u2019re talking to him? We\u2019re going to hear those from Emerson Eggerichs today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think our guest has any passion on the subject we\u2019re going to talk about today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think he does!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; kind of a bland approach to this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Before I introduce our guest, let me welcome back Ron Deal, who joins us\u2014head of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Welcome back, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you\u2014always good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glad to have you with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoining us is a guy who\u2019s authored a few books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In fact, I wanted to ask you, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, how many books are out there that you\u2019ve authored? I\u2019m not talking about unique books\u2014I\u2019m just talking about total number that are out there. Do you have any idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>It\u2019s quite a bit. I don\u2019t know, you know, total; but yes, it\u2019s done well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, if you don\u2019t know who Emerson Eggerichs is and you\u2019ve missed his book, <em>Love and Respect<\/em>, you\u2019ve missed a classic. He\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of times. He\u2019s written a new book called <em>Mother and Son: The Respect Effect<\/em>. And really, Emerson, this book came about as a result of moms reading your first book, <em>Love and Respect<\/em>, and beginning to respect their husbands but, then, beginning to ask questions about their relationships with their sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnpack that a bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely. I mean, the idea of respecting a man\/a husband is not something that goes over well in the initial stages. We\u2019ve made the case that: if a man needs to feel respected for who he is, apart from his performance, and that if a woman, when she\u2019s feeling unloved, reacts in ways that feel disrespectful\u2014but she\u2019s not trying to\u2014but the research points out her eyes darken, hand on the hips, the sour look, the sigh, the rolling the eyes, the head goes back, and when estrogen kicks in, the word choice of \u201ccontempt\u201d is incredible\u2014it\u2019s just right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, she\u2019s trying to send a message that she\u2019s feeling vulnerable \/ she\u2019s feeling a need\u2014she\u2019s <em>trying<\/em> to get a message through. In a man\u2019s world, he\u2019s beginning to filter that through a <em>whole<\/em> different grid. He thinks she\u2019s using this topic as an opportunity to send a message that she doesn\u2019t like him. She\u2019ll even say, \u201cI don\u2019t like him,\u201d you know; but she <em>loves<\/em> him. In a man\u2019s world, you know, this becomes a feeling: \u201cYou know what? I think she has nothing but disrespect for me.\u201d We lose energy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014men serve and die for honor. When we feel dishonored, we will close up. Men are motivated by honor\/ by respect. Men literally give their lives on the heels of honor; and when they feel dishonored, there is mutiny\u2014they will not perform; they will shut down; they lose energy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we\u2019ve made the case\u2014and women were getting it, because women are not mean-spirited\u2014they really want what\u2019s best. It\u2019s kind of like: \u201cWow!\u201d\u2014lightbulbs all over the place\u2014\u201cNo one told me this kind of thing.\u201d And then mothers do what mothers do if they have boys: \u201cYou know, he\u2019s a man in the making. I wonder\u2014if I apply this to him, I wonder what might happen?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, Bob, and Ron, they began to write me\u2014mothers would write these letters of what they began to do to apply the respect vocabulary\u2014what I call \u201crespect talk\u201d to their boys \/ just a few vocabulary words\u2014and it blew them away. Women are always expressing love. They feel a little uncomfortable to say, \u201cI respect that about you,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re a man of honor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t necessarily just naturally default to that; but they began to do that\u2014under my coaching\u2014and began to write to tell me what happened. This book is the result of those testimonies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; I have to take us into a family, because I\u2019m thinking about a mom and a 15-year-old boy. I\u2019m thinking: \u201cIf there is an imbalance of respect between a mom and a 15-year-old boy, pretty much\/usually, it\u2019s the 15-year-old boy who\u2019s not doing the proper respecting. I mean, 15-year-old boys are not known for being highly respectful of their parents. They can have a sharp tongue \/ they can have an attitude all of the time.\u201d Now, a mom\u2019s hearing you talk about this and going: \u201cHold on a sec! I\u2019m supposed to talk with respect to this disrespectful 15-year-old? Explain that to me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Yes; and that\u2019s the first response, and understandably so: \u201cBoys ought to respect mothers. What\u2019s this idea that I ought to respect my son, especially because I know he doesn\u2019t deserve it?\u201d and \u201cThe way he treats me disrespectfully, after all I do for him, is insulting to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first obstacle is to clarify that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not saying that the boy gets a pass on this. I wrote the book, <em>Love and Respect in the Family<\/em>, that coaches a mother and father on how to help that boy be more respectful. But I know that the number one desire of a mother is to <em>connect<\/em> with her son, and every woman, [who\u2019s listening,] understands that. In our male world, we don\u2019t always understand when women say, \u201cWe\u2019re connecting,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014but every woman understands, \u201cWe\u2019re connecting.\u201d The longing of her heart is to <em>connect<\/em> with that boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I could say to her: \u201cIf I could give you a few vocabulary words that would cause him to soften in his spirit and turn towards you and connect, would you be interested, even if he\u2019s been a little disrespectful towards you? Do you want to be <em>empowered<\/em> to have the kind of influence to taste of that? It\u2019s not a formula; but I can tell you that, if you practice a certain set of things that I\u2019m going to share in my book that I do, it\u2019s going to be far less negative and far less combative.\u201d Not the least of reason\u2014boys get disrespectful if they feel they\u2019re being disrespected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat 15-year-old boy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he\u2019s misreading your heart. As we pointed out\u2014again, if you\u2019re coming across to him in a way that he thinks is dis-ing him, he\u2019ll fight back. It\u2019s called \u201cTit for tat.\u201d So what you have to do is disarm that\u2014you might say: \u201cI\u2019m spitting mad at you right now; but if you think I\u2019m coming at you this way because I\u2019m trying to dis- you or dishonor you, you\u2019re wrong. You\u2019re an honorable young man. Now, right now, what you did is not respectable; but I don\u2019t want to send you a message that I don\u2019t respect who you are. Let\u2019s calm down for five minutes and come back and revisit this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cIf you use that kind of vocabulary, these boys will stay engaged on that,\u201d and \u201cIf you\u2019ve never done that, he might even start smiling at you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>What are some of those key vocabulary words that you coach moms to use with their sons?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>It begins with just saying, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to be disrespectful.\u201d Let him know your deepest heart. If he\u2019s feeling that you\u2019re really using this topic as an opportunity to send him a message that you despise him \/ that you find that he\u2019s unacceptable\u2014particularly where the culture is towards certain males; because they don\u2019t respond like girls\u2014then he\u2019s beginning to feel like: \u201cYou know what? This is just another message that you find me unacceptable,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014particularly if you found him doing something that he shouldn\u2019t have done\u2014and he\u2019s feeling the shame. He has a difficult time not associating that confrontation with what maybe happened last week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just important: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to dishonor you. How do I say this in a way that you don\u2019t feel that I\u2019m really trying to send you a message of disrespect? Coach me here for a little bit.\u201d It doesn\u2019t hurt to step back from the issue and talk about the overall dynamic\u2014ask the question. That, in and of itself, will soften him. Just as a father would say to his daughter: \u201cI don\u2019t know how to do this loving thing like I should. You know, my dad\u2014he wasn\u2019t loving, and I have the same tendencies. How do I say this in a way that you don\u2019t think I\u2019m just trying to be unloving? Help me here!\u201d Every daughter will stay engaged with that\u2014she hears her mother tongue. The same thing\u2014boys have a mother tongue. When they hear it, they will respond; and it begins with saying, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to say this disrespectfully.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, use the word \u201crespect\u201d and \u201cdisrespect.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Correct; correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Say, \u201cI\u2019m trying to honor you, not dishonor you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You alluded to something there I\u2019d love for you to unpack a little bit more. What\u2019s behind feeling disrespected? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor boys and for us men, what do you think is the fear that\u2019s behind it? If I feel disrespected by my wife or my mom\u2014whatever the case may be\u2014what\u2019s underneath that for me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Jesus said, \u201cThe spirit\u2019s willing, but the flesh is weak.\u201d When the three disciples fell asleep\u2014with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane\u2014He said, \u201cYour spirit is willing, but your flesh is weak.\u201d Jesus distinguished their failings in their flesh from their inner spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we\u2019re up against is\u2014when we confront a boy, in particular\u2014and the female brain research points out that teenage girls want to be liked \/ teenage boys want to be respected. So is that rooted in the narcissism of the male, which some would say it is: \u201cIt\u2019s all about the male ego\u201d; or is there a <em>need<\/em> that the boy has, and he filters it through what I call the \u201cblue grid\u201d as opposed to the \u201cpink.\u201d When these tensions rise \/ when this conflict and this confrontation rises, he\u2019s feeling or he\u2019s thinking: \u201cMaybe, you have contempt for who I am, in my deepest soul. You really find me despicable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m inadequate\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m inadequate,\u201d yes; exactly. \u201cYou don\u2019t respect me because you find me inadequate.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe inadequacy leads to the feeling of being disrespected\u2014that: \u201cYou find me unacceptable.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you confront the behavior\u2014every great male leader \/ male leader of other men will always confront behavior as: \u201cWhere was your brain, you idiot?! You\u2019re the best player I have on this team, but what were you thinking when you did that?\u201d See, he distinguishes what he did from who he is, as a human being, and the worth that he brings, and that inner heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat one has to do is\u2014give what is called, in the academic circles: \u201cUnconditional positive regard toward the spirit of the person.\u201d Now, some people think, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t do that when I\u2019m mad.\u201d You <em>can<\/em> do that when you\u2019re mad. It\u2019s word choice that does that. You can be spitting mad and say, \u201cI believe in you,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>\u2014you know\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re an honorable young man, but what were you thinking when you did that?! I asked you ten times to do this; you said you were. You\u2019re a man of integrity\u2014I, for the life of me, can\u2019t understand this; because who I believe you to be and what you just did there don\u2019t jive with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>What I just heard him say is\u2014in the case of a mother and a son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s the heart of the son that she is either affirming\u2014and who he is\u2014and she believe in who he is; and that he is enough\u2014or, by being disrespectful, she is saying to him: \u201cYou are not enough. You are inadequate.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well, and let me insert the research that Shaunti Feldhahn has done. She called me one day and she said: \u201cEmerson, the decision analysts out of Houston want to do a random sample of the American male. We have a series of questions. Here\u2019s one that I\u2019d like to ask; what do you think?\u201d The question was this: \u201cWould you men rather be left alone and unloved in the world or would you rather be viewed as inadequate and disrespected by everyone?\u201d Almost 74 to 75 percent of the men said they\u2019d rather be left alone and unloved in the world. Men are <em>extremely<\/em> vulnerable to the feeling that you see them as inadequate and you don\u2019t respect them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo now, it raises the question: \u201cIs that rooted in male narcissism and egoism?\u201d or \u201cIs there something here based on what Jesus said, \u2018Have you not read; He who made them from the beginning made them male and female?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I wanted to ask you about that; because I\u2019m sitting here, thinking that there are some moms, who are going: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, now, wait. I\u2019m supposed to treat my boys different than I treat my girls? Shouldn\u2019t I be respectful of both my sons and my daughters? Don\u2019t my sons and daughters both need to be affirmed, and encouraged, and respected?\u201d We live in a culture today that is obscuring gender differences, and you\u2019re writing about mothers and sons. Speak to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Right; right. Well, no; absolutely. We all need love and respect equally, like we need food and water\u2014so yes, girls need respect \/ boys need love and so and so forth. I like to give this illustration\u2014let\u2019s suppose you have a 15-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl. Let\u2019s just say they\u2019re twins or whatever. As a mother, you know she\u2019s done something wrong. You come in and you just vent on her. She then comes back, and she\u2019s negative\u2014she says something to you \/ you say something to her\u2014and then this continues on \/ continues on. Then, finally, she says, \u201cWell, I shouldn\u2019t have said it that way, Mom\u201d; and then Mom says: \u201cWell, you know what? I shouldn\u2019t have said what I said. Honey, I\u2019m really sorry. Honey, I\u2019m really sorry; will you forgive me?\u201d \u201cYes, Mom, I forgive you.\u201d Now they\u2019re on the bed, legs crossed, and they\u2019re now talking about all the things they\u2019re feeling \/ they\u2019re kind of wiping away the tears. For the next 30 to 40 minutes they talk, and they feel <em>wonderful<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext night, the 15-year-old boy does the same thing the 15-year-old girl did. Mother just vents on him, and he shuts down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>He just doesn\u2019t say a thing\u2014just stonewalls\/withdraws. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe brain research\u2014female brain research points out that boys are very sensitive to the perception that you\u2019re disrespecting them. Girls need respect, but that girl does not interpret that conflict with her mother as the mom\u2019s attempt to send a message she didn\u2019t respect her. In fact, she intuitively probably knew the mom was provoking her to \u201cGet us to talk about this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt comes down to this issue: \u201cIs there an XX \/ XY chromosome?\u201d and \u201cAs that research has said boys need to feel that you respect them for who they are. You can label that narcissistic, or is it a need?\u201d If you just tenderly meet that need by saying, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to be disrespectful here,\u201d\u2014just put it out on the table\u2014that\u2019s all you have to do: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to dishonor you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say to mothers, \u201cJust watch what happens.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can hijack the conversation and say, \u201cBoys ought not to feel that way,\u201d because somehow you think we\u2019re dismissing women in that conversation. Okay; hijack it, but now we\u2019re forget that precious boy. What I\u2019ve found is that mothers don\u2019t want to forget that precious boy. In the cultural debate, they\u2019ll forget the boys; but no mom will forget her boy. She\u2019s listening with all ears right now, because she wants to connect with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s go back to what Bob was hinting at, though. He was talking about: \u201cIs there a biblical DNA here? Is there a difference between male and female like you talked about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well, I believe what Jesus said in Matthew 19:4, \u201cHave you not read He who made them from the beginning made them male and female?\u201d We can argue all day long, because of political reasons. I get that\u2014I understand the arguments that are out there. But I\u2019m going to tell you what I believe, based on what Jesus Christ said and what I see in Genesis 1, that God made us male and female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m saying we need to understand our boys; we need to understand our girls. Every father needs to know his daughter is not a male.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And, isn\u2019t there a hint, though, in Ephesians, Chapter 5, that that difference is fully in place as it commands a man to <em>love<\/em> his wife, as Christ loved the church; and he commands the wife to <em>respect <\/em>her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly the point and why I wrote <em>Love and Respect<\/em>, because I take the position\u2014two levels: one, she has a need for love from her husband in a way that he doesn\u2019t necessarily have this. She\u2019s not commanded to love. There\u2019s no command of the wife to <em>agape <\/em>love her husband, but she is commanded to put on respect in Ephesians 5:33, as well as 1 Peter 3. Apparently, she\u2019s going to love, naturally, I suppose\u2014she does it naturally, so she doesn\u2019t need the command. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe that he has a need to feel respected for who he is, apart from his performance; and she has a need to be loved. Now, if that difference is there, it really brings about a lot of harmony if we don\u2019t fight this as much as to simply say to each other, \u201cHoney,\u201d\u2014say to your wife\u2014\u201cDid I just come across in an unloving way? I see you deflated here. Did I step on your air hose?\u201d Almost every woman I know will soften and actually express appreciation for the sensitivity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, she\u2019ll move in what we call the apology: \u201cOh, I shouldn\u2019t have said what I said. I was worse than you, really.\u201d Women move in\u2014it\u2019s axiomatic\u2014where they say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Women want to connect and reconcile very quickly\u2014on the heels of a husband saying: \u201cI was unloving. Will you forgive me?\u201d If he does that authentically, I don\u2019t know of a woman on the planet who doesn\u2019t soften.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was being interviewed by a woman in Canada\u2014a syndicated television program\u2014and I said, \u201cIf a man just said: \u2018I\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u2019 she\u2019ll soften.\u201d The woman, literally, fell off the chair, saying, \u201cI\u2019m softening just hearing you say that.\u201d [Laughter] She fell off and everybody cracked up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe flip side: \u201cWhy would God command a wife to respect her husband?\u201d\u2014because he\u2019s superior that she needs to give him\u2026?\u2014no! It\u2019s because he has a <em>need<\/em> to know that you don\u2019t find him inadequate\u2014that you believe in his deepest heart, as you were saying earlier. When you communicate: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to say this because I\u2019m trying to dis- you. I\u2019m actually needing reassurance of your love, and I need your strength. How do I say this in a way that you don\u2019t think I\u2019m dishonoring you?\u201d Every man I\u2019ve met will soften and move <em>toward<\/em> his wife rather than away from her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can argue all day long that maybe this ought not to be. What I just say is: \u201cPut your little toe in the warm water and see if it feels good. Test it out. Go ahead and just do this. Don\u2019t be afraid of this, and watch what happens.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ve just seen again and again, particularly mothers and sons\u2014as well as husbands and wives\u2014but mothers and sons in this book\u2014the mothers started doing this. They write me, and they are blown away by how simple it is\u2014that\u2019s the point I want to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the reasons we asked Ron to be a part of this interview is because he works with a lot of blended couples. In the same way that a mom has a desire to connect with her son, a stepmom is longing for a connection to emerge with a stepson. She didn\u2019t have the first five years, or the first ten years, or however long was missing\u2014she didn\u2019t have the building blocks of that\u2014so, all of a sudden, he\u2019s in her care at age 13; and she\u2019s begging for that connection to happen. Ron, you\u2019ve seen how, sometimes, these moms will stumble in their attempt to try to make that connection happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; and a stepmom\u2019s going to do the same thing that a biological mom\u2019s going to do\u2014that Emerson\u2019s been talking about. She\u2019s going to lead with who she is, and her emotion, and how she communicates, and her style. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf she does that with a stepson, with whom she\u2019s trying to bond \/ trying to <em>establish<\/em> connection and trust\u2014not sustain it \/ not grow it\u2014that\u2019s what a biological mom has. A stepmom\u2019s trying to <em>grow<\/em> that from the very beginning. And if she leads with: \u201cOh, by the way, stepson, you\u2019re inadequate. You\u2019re a failure. You\u2019re not enough,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014if those are the <em>messages<\/em> she inadvertently gives off, well, all that\u2019s going to do is close his heart even further; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s trying to figure out: \u201cIf I\u2019m going to open my heart to you \/ if I\u2019m going to lean into you, and what place you\u2019re going to have in my life...\u201d But if he\u2019s hearing from her, \u201cBoy, you\u2019re unacceptable, as a person,\u201d well then, his heart\u2019s closing off: \u201cShe\u2019s unsafe. I don\u2019t need you in my world,\u201d \/ \u201cI didn\u2019t need you,\u201d\u2014possibly\u2014\u201canyway. I have a biological mom,\u201d or whatever the case is for that young boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut now, he has <em>another<\/em> reason <em>not<\/em> to trust her. That\u2019s going to be exceedingly difficult as he\u2019s trying to bond with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I love about what Emerson is saying\u2014is that everything he\u2019s written about in this book is going to apply to stepmoms in their role as well. It\u2019s going to give them wisdom about how to come alongside and form that initial bond with their stepsons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well said. And it makes even more sense if they\u2019ve recently come together; and he has an attitude toward her, which you recognize clearly, and that attitude is going to be there. She could feel very unfairly treated \/ very disrespected; and so she\u2019s on the defensive, particularly if he says things, you know, in his immaturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan she get above that and stay on message here?\u2014and just say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to confront you. I\u2019m not trying to dis- you \/ I\u2019m not trying to dishonor you. I believe that what I\u2019m saying is true and right, and I\u2019m not always going to be right. We\u2019re going to have a dance here\u2014you tell me when you feel I\u2019m dishonoring you; but at the same time, I\u2019m not going to back off of what I believe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAm I always going to be right?\u2014absolutely not! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019m going to confront you as best I can by respecting you. I hope you\u2019ll give me the same benefit, because you\u2019re becoming a man of honor; right?\u2014deal? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re not going to like each other at times\u2014I get that\u2014but we\u2019re probably going to help each other here if we do it this way, thinking in terms of how we can respect and honor; because it would be very disappointing to you if I dishonored and disrespected you, week after week. It would be very unfair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And let me just add to that\u2014if this young boy heard his stepmom using that same language to her husband \/ the boy\u2019s dad\u2014that\u2019s a double-edged sword; right?\u2014because what he hears her saying to his father is also a statement to him: \u201cIt is not just about my dad; but if you talk to my dad with disrespect, I\u2019m a piece of him. What you\u2019re saying is\u2014I\u2019m also not good enough.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Oh yes; oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So that\u2019s a double-edged sword. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>That\u2019s huge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>When she shows respect both to her husband and her son, it\u2019s just going to open up those opportunities for them to connect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Yes; and it\u2019s important that we understand\u2014this does not cause a woman to lose power\u2014you\u2019re actually gaining power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery woman listening has to trust us here\u2014it <em>feels<\/em> uncomfortable to you\u2014that, somehow, you have to be <em>nice<\/em>, and just acquiesce, and give license. What we want you to know\u2014and I articulate this in the book: \u201cNo.\u201d As I\u2019ve tried to communicate already: \u201cBe emotional; be truthful; be in their face\u2014just be disarming by putting in some of those words.\u201d Please hear me: \u201cThis is actually going to <em>empower<\/em> you if you do this correctly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also works, powerfully, with many single mothers, who have written me. We have a lot of stories in here\u2014she\u2019s, you know, just overwhelmed with a 16-year-old boy\u2014she\u2019s trying to do this on her own. I have letters here from mothers who began to apply this and were absolutely <em>blown<\/em> out of the water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019m sitting here, listening to you, Emerson; and I\u2019m reflecting back on my mom. She didn\u2019t read your book\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but I\u2019m just trying to think: \u201cDid I ever hear the word, \u2018respect,\u2019 from my mom?\u201d I don\u2019t recall hearing it. What I do remember is what you were just talking about\u2014I would, overall, characterize my mom as having respected my dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think some of that spilled over to me\u2014not perfectly\u2014she was a fireball \/ she was quite a personality. I love my mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe power of a mother in a boy\u2019s life for good or for not-so-good is there. The question is: \u201cHow are you going to use it in the life of your son?\u201d I\u2019d just say to all the moms\u2014and maybe to some grandmothers out there, who have a daughter who needs to read this book, who\u2019s raising some boys: \u201cGet this book.\u201d You know what I said when I saw the book? I had you sign it to my daughter, Ashley\u2014seven sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the mother of seven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Seven sons. Do you think she needs to practice this? [Laughter] I think so. I think there are a lot of our listeners, who do, too, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well, and 28 foster kids\u2014so I said at the end of this [speaking slowly]: \u201cBreathe easy. Breathe easy.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe we should send her seven copies of the book; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, no, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We could do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of the book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order as many as you like, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014the book is called <em>Mother and Son: The Respect Effect<\/em>. Love is important, but it\u2019s respect that\u2019s the key to your son\u2019s heart. The author\u2014Emerson Eggerichs, who\u2019s been our guest today. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this past weekend, we had hundreds of couples joining us at one of our eight <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways that we hosted in cities all across the country. Among that group were a number of pastors and their spouses. For years, we have been able to scholarship pastors and spouses to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway; because we\u2019ve had listeners, like you, who have contributed to the scholarship fund; so the money\u2019s been there to cover the registration costs for pastors and spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat fund is starting to get a little low. We\u2019re asking listeners, here in April, if you would help us replenish the war chest so that we can continue to make the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway available for pastors and spouses. In fact, you might want to mention this to your pastor and encourage him to get away for a weekend with his wife and have the two of them enjoy some marital enrichment. If you\u2019d like to help other pastors be at a weekend getaway, you can contribute to the scholarship fund, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you designate the donation, it\u2019ll go to the Pastors\u2019 Scholarship Fund. If you\u2019d like to contribute for the ongoing cost of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program\u2014you can contribute to the general fund as well. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about the relationship between mothers and sons. We\u2019ll find out why your son \/ your teenage son is not hoping to have some kind of an extended heart-to-heart conversation with you that goes on for a couple of hours. Emerson Eggerichs will be here to explain that to us tomorrow. I hope you can tune in as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:16"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.96M"],"filesize_raw":["26173979"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300199.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300199.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Eggerichs explains that one compelling desire of a mother is to connect to her son, and she can do that by what she says and how she says it.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-04-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There have been a lot of moms who have observed that, as their sons have reached adolescence, they\u2019ve gone from having a sweet, loving relationship with their little boy to clashing with their teenage son. Emerson Eggerichs says he knows how to help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>I know that the number one desire of a mother is to <em>connect<\/em> with her son; and if I could say to her, \u201cIf I could give you a few vocabulary words that would cause him to soften in his spirit and turn toward you and connect, would you be interested, even if he\u2019s been a little disrespectful towards you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. If you\u2019re a mother with a teenage son, would you like to know what those few magic words are that can help soften your son\u2019s heart when you\u2019re talking to him? We\u2019re going to hear those from Emerson Eggerichs today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you think our guest has any passion on the subject we\u2019re going to talk about today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think he does!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; kind of a bland approach to this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Before I introduce our guest, let me welcome back Ron Deal, who joins us\u2014head of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Welcome back, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you\u2014always good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glad to have you with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoining us is a guy who\u2019s authored a few books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>In fact, I wanted to ask you, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, how many books are out there that you\u2019ve authored? I\u2019m not talking about unique books\u2014I\u2019m just talking about total number that are out there. Do you have any idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>It\u2019s quite a bit. I don\u2019t know, you know, total; but yes, it\u2019s done well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, if you don\u2019t know who Emerson Eggerichs is and you\u2019ve missed his book, <em>Love and Respect<\/em>, you\u2019ve missed a classic. He\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of times. He\u2019s written a new book called <em>Mother and Son: The Respect Effect<\/em>. And really, Emerson, this book came about as a result of moms reading your first book, <em>Love and Respect<\/em>, and beginning to respect their husbands but, then, beginning to ask questions about their relationships with their sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnpack that a bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely. I mean, the idea of respecting a man\/a husband is not something that goes over well in the initial stages. We\u2019ve made the case that: if a man needs to feel respected for who he is, apart from his performance, and that if a woman, when she\u2019s feeling unloved, reacts in ways that feel disrespectful\u2014but she\u2019s not trying to\u2014but the research points out her eyes darken, hand on the hips, the sour look, the sigh, the rolling the eyes, the head goes back, and when estrogen kicks in, the word choice of \u201ccontempt\u201d is incredible\u2014it\u2019s just right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, she\u2019s trying to send a message that she\u2019s feeling vulnerable \/ she\u2019s feeling a need\u2014she\u2019s <em>trying<\/em> to get a message through. In a man\u2019s world, he\u2019s beginning to filter that through a <em>whole<\/em> different grid. He thinks she\u2019s using this topic as an opportunity to send a message that she doesn\u2019t like him. She\u2019ll even say, \u201cI don\u2019t like him,\u201d you know; but she <em>loves<\/em> him. In a man\u2019s world, you know, this becomes a feeling: \u201cYou know what? I think she has nothing but disrespect for me.\u201d We lose energy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014men serve and die for honor. When we feel dishonored, we will close up. Men are motivated by honor\/ by respect. Men literally give their lives on the heels of honor; and when they feel dishonored, there is mutiny\u2014they will not perform; they will shut down; they lose energy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we\u2019ve made the case\u2014and women were getting it, because women are not mean-spirited\u2014they really want what\u2019s best. It\u2019s kind of like: \u201cWow!\u201d\u2014lightbulbs all over the place\u2014\u201cNo one told me this kind of thing.\u201d And then mothers do what mothers do if they have boys: \u201cYou know, he\u2019s a man in the making. I wonder\u2014if I apply this to him, I wonder what might happen?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, Bob, and Ron, they began to write me\u2014mothers would write these letters of what they began to do to apply the respect vocabulary\u2014what I call \u201crespect talk\u201d to their boys \/ just a few vocabulary words\u2014and it blew them away. Women are always expressing love. They feel a little uncomfortable to say, \u201cI respect that about you,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re a man of honor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t necessarily just naturally default to that; but they began to do that\u2014under my coaching\u2014and began to write to tell me what happened. This book is the result of those testimonies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; I have to take us into a family, because I\u2019m thinking about a mom and a 15-year-old boy. I\u2019m thinking: \u201cIf there is an imbalance of respect between a mom and a 15-year-old boy, pretty much\/usually, it\u2019s the 15-year-old boy who\u2019s not doing the proper respecting. I mean, 15-year-old boys are not known for being highly respectful of their parents. They can have a sharp tongue \/ they can have an attitude all of the time.\u201d Now, a mom\u2019s hearing you talk about this and going: \u201cHold on a sec! I\u2019m supposed to talk with respect to this disrespectful 15-year-old? Explain that to me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Yes; and that\u2019s the first response, and understandably so: \u201cBoys ought to respect mothers. What\u2019s this idea that I ought to respect my son, especially because I know he doesn\u2019t deserve it?\u201d and \u201cThe way he treats me disrespectfully, after all I do for him, is insulting to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first obstacle is to clarify that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not saying that the boy gets a pass on this. I wrote the book, <em>Love and Respect in the Family<\/em>, that coaches a mother and father on how to help that boy be more respectful. But I know that the number one desire of a mother is to <em>connect<\/em> with her son, and every woman, [who\u2019s listening,] understands that. In our male world, we don\u2019t always understand when women say, \u201cWe\u2019re connecting,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014but every woman understands, \u201cWe\u2019re connecting.\u201d The longing of her heart is to <em>connect<\/em> with that boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I could say to her: \u201cIf I could give you a few vocabulary words that would cause him to soften in his spirit and turn towards you and connect, would you be interested, even if he\u2019s been a little disrespectful towards you? Do you want to be <em>empowered<\/em> to have the kind of influence to taste of that? It\u2019s not a formula; but I can tell you that, if you practice a certain set of things that I\u2019m going to share in my book that I do, it\u2019s going to be far less negative and far less combative.\u201d Not the least of reason\u2014boys get disrespectful if they feel they\u2019re being disrespected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat 15-year-old boy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he\u2019s misreading your heart. As we pointed out\u2014again, if you\u2019re coming across to him in a way that he thinks is dis-ing him, he\u2019ll fight back. It\u2019s called \u201cTit for tat.\u201d So what you have to do is disarm that\u2014you might say: \u201cI\u2019m spitting mad at you right now; but if you think I\u2019m coming at you this way because I\u2019m trying to dis- you or dishonor you, you\u2019re wrong. You\u2019re an honorable young man. Now, right now, what you did is not respectable; but I don\u2019t want to send you a message that I don\u2019t respect who you are. Let\u2019s calm down for five minutes and come back and revisit this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cIf you use that kind of vocabulary, these boys will stay engaged on that,\u201d and \u201cIf you\u2019ve never done that, he might even start smiling at you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>What are some of those key vocabulary words that you coach moms to use with their sons?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>It begins with just saying, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to be disrespectful.\u201d Let him know your deepest heart. If he\u2019s feeling that you\u2019re really using this topic as an opportunity to send him a message that you despise him \/ that you find that he\u2019s unacceptable\u2014particularly where the culture is towards certain males; because they don\u2019t respond like girls\u2014then he\u2019s beginning to feel like: \u201cYou know what? This is just another message that you find me unacceptable,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014particularly if you found him doing something that he shouldn\u2019t have done\u2014and he\u2019s feeling the shame. He has a difficult time not associating that confrontation with what maybe happened last week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just important: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to dishonor you. How do I say this in a way that you don\u2019t feel that I\u2019m really trying to send you a message of disrespect? Coach me here for a little bit.\u201d It doesn\u2019t hurt to step back from the issue and talk about the overall dynamic\u2014ask the question. That, in and of itself, will soften him. Just as a father would say to his daughter: \u201cI don\u2019t know how to do this loving thing like I should. You know, my dad\u2014he wasn\u2019t loving, and I have the same tendencies. How do I say this in a way that you don\u2019t think I\u2019m just trying to be unloving? Help me here!\u201d Every daughter will stay engaged with that\u2014she hears her mother tongue. The same thing\u2014boys have a mother tongue. When they hear it, they will respond; and it begins with saying, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to say this disrespectfully.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, use the word \u201crespect\u201d and \u201cdisrespect.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Correct; correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Say, \u201cI\u2019m trying to honor you, not dishonor you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You alluded to something there I\u2019d love for you to unpack a little bit more. What\u2019s behind feeling disrespected? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor boys and for us men, what do you think is the fear that\u2019s behind it? If I feel disrespected by my wife or my mom\u2014whatever the case may be\u2014what\u2019s underneath that for me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Jesus said, \u201cThe spirit\u2019s willing, but the flesh is weak.\u201d When the three disciples fell asleep\u2014with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane\u2014He said, \u201cYour spirit is willing, but your flesh is weak.\u201d Jesus distinguished their failings in their flesh from their inner spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we\u2019re up against is\u2014when we confront a boy, in particular\u2014and the female brain research points out that teenage girls want to be liked \/ teenage boys want to be respected. So is that rooted in the narcissism of the male, which some would say it is: \u201cIt\u2019s all about the male ego\u201d; or is there a <em>need<\/em> that the boy has, and he filters it through what I call the \u201cblue grid\u201d as opposed to the \u201cpink.\u201d When these tensions rise \/ when this conflict and this confrontation rises, he\u2019s feeling or he\u2019s thinking: \u201cMaybe, you have contempt for who I am, in my deepest soul. You really find me despicable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m inadequate\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m inadequate,\u201d yes; exactly. \u201cYou don\u2019t respect me because you find me inadequate.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe inadequacy leads to the feeling of being disrespected\u2014that: \u201cYou find me unacceptable.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you confront the behavior\u2014every great male leader \/ male leader of other men will always confront behavior as: \u201cWhere was your brain, you idiot?! You\u2019re the best player I have on this team, but what were you thinking when you did that?\u201d See, he distinguishes what he did from who he is, as a human being, and the worth that he brings, and that inner heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat one has to do is\u2014give what is called, in the academic circles: \u201cUnconditional positive regard toward the spirit of the person.\u201d Now, some people think, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t do that when I\u2019m mad.\u201d You <em>can<\/em> do that when you\u2019re mad. It\u2019s word choice that does that. You can be spitting mad and say, \u201cI believe in you,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>\u2014you know\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re an honorable young man, but what were you thinking when you did that?! I asked you ten times to do this; you said you were. You\u2019re a man of integrity\u2014I, for the life of me, can\u2019t understand this; because who I believe you to be and what you just did there don\u2019t jive with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>What I just heard him say is\u2014in the case of a mother and a son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s the heart of the son that she is either affirming\u2014and who he is\u2014and she believe in who he is; and that he is enough\u2014or, by being disrespectful, she is saying to him: \u201cYou are not enough. You are inadequate.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well, and let me insert the research that Shaunti Feldhahn has done. She called me one day and she said: \u201cEmerson, the decision analysts out of Houston want to do a random sample of the American male. We have a series of questions. Here\u2019s one that I\u2019d like to ask; what do you think?\u201d The question was this: \u201cWould you men rather be left alone and unloved in the world or would you rather be viewed as inadequate and disrespected by everyone?\u201d Almost 74 to 75 percent of the men said they\u2019d rather be left alone and unloved in the world. Men are <em>extremely<\/em> vulnerable to the feeling that you see them as inadequate and you don\u2019t respect them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo now, it raises the question: \u201cIs that rooted in male narcissism and egoism?\u201d or \u201cIs there something here based on what Jesus said, \u2018Have you not read; He who made them from the beginning made them male and female?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I wanted to ask you about that; because I\u2019m sitting here, thinking that there are some moms, who are going: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, now, wait. I\u2019m supposed to treat my boys different than I treat my girls? Shouldn\u2019t I be respectful of both my sons and my daughters? Don\u2019t my sons and daughters both need to be affirmed, and encouraged, and respected?\u201d We live in a culture today that is obscuring gender differences, and you\u2019re writing about mothers and sons. Speak to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Right; right. Well, no; absolutely. We all need love and respect equally, like we need food and water\u2014so yes, girls need respect \/ boys need love and so and so forth. I like to give this illustration\u2014let\u2019s suppose you have a 15-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl. Let\u2019s just say they\u2019re twins or whatever. As a mother, you know she\u2019s done something wrong. You come in and you just vent on her. She then comes back, and she\u2019s negative\u2014she says something to you \/ you say something to her\u2014and then this continues on \/ continues on. Then, finally, she says, \u201cWell, I shouldn\u2019t have said it that way, Mom\u201d; and then Mom says: \u201cWell, you know what? I shouldn\u2019t have said what I said. Honey, I\u2019m really sorry. Honey, I\u2019m really sorry; will you forgive me?\u201d \u201cYes, Mom, I forgive you.\u201d Now they\u2019re on the bed, legs crossed, and they\u2019re now talking about all the things they\u2019re feeling \/ they\u2019re kind of wiping away the tears. For the next 30 to 40 minutes they talk, and they feel <em>wonderful<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext night, the 15-year-old boy does the same thing the 15-year-old girl did. Mother just vents on him, and he shuts down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>He just doesn\u2019t say a thing\u2014just stonewalls\/withdraws. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe brain research\u2014female brain research points out that boys are very sensitive to the perception that you\u2019re disrespecting them. Girls need respect, but that girl does not interpret that conflict with her mother as the mom\u2019s attempt to send a message she didn\u2019t respect her. In fact, she intuitively probably knew the mom was provoking her to \u201cGet us to talk about this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt comes down to this issue: \u201cIs there an XX \/ XY chromosome?\u201d and \u201cAs that research has said boys need to feel that you respect them for who they are. You can label that narcissistic, or is it a need?\u201d If you just tenderly meet that need by saying, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to be disrespectful here,\u201d\u2014just put it out on the table\u2014that\u2019s all you have to do: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to dishonor you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say to mothers, \u201cJust watch what happens.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can hijack the conversation and say, \u201cBoys ought not to feel that way,\u201d because somehow you think we\u2019re dismissing women in that conversation. Okay; hijack it, but now we\u2019re forget that precious boy. What I\u2019ve found is that mothers don\u2019t want to forget that precious boy. In the cultural debate, they\u2019ll forget the boys; but no mom will forget her boy. She\u2019s listening with all ears right now, because she wants to connect with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s go back to what Bob was hinting at, though. He was talking about: \u201cIs there a biblical DNA here? Is there a difference between male and female like you talked about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well, I believe what Jesus said in Matthew 19:4, \u201cHave you not read He who made them from the beginning made them male and female?\u201d We can argue all day long, because of political reasons. I get that\u2014I understand the arguments that are out there. But I\u2019m going to tell you what I believe, based on what Jesus Christ said and what I see in Genesis 1, that God made us male and female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m saying we need to understand our boys; we need to understand our girls. Every father needs to know his daughter is not a male.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And, isn\u2019t there a hint, though, in Ephesians, Chapter 5, that that difference is fully in place as it commands a man to <em>love<\/em> his wife, as Christ loved the church; and he commands the wife to <em>respect <\/em>her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly the point and why I wrote <em>Love and Respect<\/em>, because I take the position\u2014two levels: one, she has a need for love from her husband in a way that he doesn\u2019t necessarily have this. She\u2019s not commanded to love. There\u2019s no command of the wife to <em>agape <\/em>love her husband, but she is commanded to put on respect in Ephesians 5:33, as well as 1 Peter 3. Apparently, she\u2019s going to love, naturally, I suppose\u2014she does it naturally, so she doesn\u2019t need the command. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe that he has a need to feel respected for who he is, apart from his performance; and she has a need to be loved. Now, if that difference is there, it really brings about a lot of harmony if we don\u2019t fight this as much as to simply say to each other, \u201cHoney,\u201d\u2014say to your wife\u2014\u201cDid I just come across in an unloving way? I see you deflated here. Did I step on your air hose?\u201d Almost every woman I know will soften and actually express appreciation for the sensitivity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, she\u2019ll move in what we call the apology: \u201cOh, I shouldn\u2019t have said what I said. I was worse than you, really.\u201d Women move in\u2014it\u2019s axiomatic\u2014where they say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Women want to connect and reconcile very quickly\u2014on the heels of a husband saying: \u201cI was unloving. Will you forgive me?\u201d If he does that authentically, I don\u2019t know of a woman on the planet who doesn\u2019t soften.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was being interviewed by a woman in Canada\u2014a syndicated television program\u2014and I said, \u201cIf a man just said: \u2018I\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u2019 she\u2019ll soften.\u201d The woman, literally, fell off the chair, saying, \u201cI\u2019m softening just hearing you say that.\u201d [Laughter] She fell off and everybody cracked up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe flip side: \u201cWhy would God command a wife to respect her husband?\u201d\u2014because he\u2019s superior that she needs to give him\u2026?\u2014no! It\u2019s because he has a <em>need<\/em> to know that you don\u2019t find him inadequate\u2014that you believe in his deepest heart, as you were saying earlier. When you communicate: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to say this because I\u2019m trying to dis- you. I\u2019m actually needing reassurance of your love, and I need your strength. How do I say this in a way that you don\u2019t think I\u2019m dishonoring you?\u201d Every man I\u2019ve met will soften and move <em>toward<\/em> his wife rather than away from her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can argue all day long that maybe this ought not to be. What I just say is: \u201cPut your little toe in the warm water and see if it feels good. Test it out. Go ahead and just do this. Don\u2019t be afraid of this, and watch what happens.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ve just seen again and again, particularly mothers and sons\u2014as well as husbands and wives\u2014but mothers and sons in this book\u2014the mothers started doing this. They write me, and they are blown away by how simple it is\u2014that\u2019s the point I want to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the reasons we asked Ron to be a part of this interview is because he works with a lot of blended couples. In the same way that a mom has a desire to connect with her son, a stepmom is longing for a connection to emerge with a stepson. She didn\u2019t have the first five years, or the first ten years, or however long was missing\u2014she didn\u2019t have the building blocks of that\u2014so, all of a sudden, he\u2019s in her care at age 13; and she\u2019s begging for that connection to happen. Ron, you\u2019ve seen how, sometimes, these moms will stumble in their attempt to try to make that connection happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right; and a stepmom\u2019s going to do the same thing that a biological mom\u2019s going to do\u2014that Emerson\u2019s been talking about. She\u2019s going to lead with who she is, and her emotion, and how she communicates, and her style. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf she does that with a stepson, with whom she\u2019s trying to bond \/ trying to <em>establish<\/em> connection and trust\u2014not sustain it \/ not grow it\u2014that\u2019s what a biological mom has. A stepmom\u2019s trying to <em>grow<\/em> that from the very beginning. And if she leads with: \u201cOh, by the way, stepson, you\u2019re inadequate. You\u2019re a failure. You\u2019re not enough,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014if those are the <em>messages<\/em> she inadvertently gives off, well, all that\u2019s going to do is close his heart even further; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s trying to figure out: \u201cIf I\u2019m going to open my heart to you \/ if I\u2019m going to lean into you, and what place you\u2019re going to have in my life...\u201d But if he\u2019s hearing from her, \u201cBoy, you\u2019re unacceptable, as a person,\u201d well then, his heart\u2019s closing off: \u201cShe\u2019s unsafe. I don\u2019t need you in my world,\u201d \/ \u201cI didn\u2019t need you,\u201d\u2014possibly\u2014\u201canyway. I have a biological mom,\u201d or whatever the case is for that young boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut now, he has <em>another<\/em> reason <em>not<\/em> to trust her. That\u2019s going to be exceedingly difficult as he\u2019s trying to bond with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I love about what Emerson is saying\u2014is that everything he\u2019s written about in this book is going to apply to stepmoms in their role as well. It\u2019s going to give them wisdom about how to come alongside and form that initial bond with their stepsons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well said. And it makes even more sense if they\u2019ve recently come together; and he has an attitude toward her, which you recognize clearly, and that attitude is going to be there. She could feel very unfairly treated \/ very disrespected; and so she\u2019s on the defensive, particularly if he says things, you know, in his immaturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan she get above that and stay on message here?\u2014and just say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to confront you. I\u2019m not trying to dis- you \/ I\u2019m not trying to dishonor you. I believe that what I\u2019m saying is true and right, and I\u2019m not always going to be right. We\u2019re going to have a dance here\u2014you tell me when you feel I\u2019m dishonoring you; but at the same time, I\u2019m not going to back off of what I believe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAm I always going to be right?\u2014absolutely not! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019m going to confront you as best I can by respecting you. I hope you\u2019ll give me the same benefit, because you\u2019re becoming a man of honor; right?\u2014deal? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re not going to like each other at times\u2014I get that\u2014but we\u2019re probably going to help each other here if we do it this way, thinking in terms of how we can respect and honor; because it would be very disappointing to you if I dishonored and disrespected you, week after week. It would be very unfair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And let me just add to that\u2014if this young boy heard his stepmom using that same language to her husband \/ the boy\u2019s dad\u2014that\u2019s a double-edged sword; right?\u2014because what he hears her saying to his father is also a statement to him: \u201cIt is not just about my dad; but if you talk to my dad with disrespect, I\u2019m a piece of him. What you\u2019re saying is\u2014I\u2019m also not good enough.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Oh yes; oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So that\u2019s a double-edged sword. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>That\u2019s huge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>When she shows respect both to her husband and her son, it\u2019s just going to open up those opportunities for them to connect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Yes; and it\u2019s important that we understand\u2014this does not cause a woman to lose power\u2014you\u2019re actually gaining power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery woman listening has to trust us here\u2014it <em>feels<\/em> uncomfortable to you\u2014that, somehow, you have to be <em>nice<\/em>, and just acquiesce, and give license. What we want you to know\u2014and I articulate this in the book: \u201cNo.\u201d As I\u2019ve tried to communicate already: \u201cBe emotional; be truthful; be in their face\u2014just be disarming by putting in some of those words.\u201d Please hear me: \u201cThis is actually going to <em>empower<\/em> you if you do this correctly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also works, powerfully, with many single mothers, who have written me. We have a lot of stories in here\u2014she\u2019s, you know, just overwhelmed with a 16-year-old boy\u2014she\u2019s trying to do this on her own. I have letters here from mothers who began to apply this and were absolutely <em>blown<\/em> out of the water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019m sitting here, listening to you, Emerson; and I\u2019m reflecting back on my mom. She didn\u2019t read your book\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but I\u2019m just trying to think: \u201cDid I ever hear the word, \u2018respect,\u2019 from my mom?\u201d I don\u2019t recall hearing it. What I do remember is what you were just talking about\u2014I would, overall, characterize my mom as having respected my dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think some of that spilled over to me\u2014not perfectly\u2014she was a fireball \/ she was quite a personality. I love my mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe power of a mother in a boy\u2019s life for good or for not-so-good is there. The question is: \u201cHow are you going to use it in the life of your son?\u201d I\u2019d just say to all the moms\u2014and maybe to some grandmothers out there, who have a daughter who needs to read this book, who\u2019s raising some boys: \u201cGet this book.\u201d You know what I said when I saw the book? I had you sign it to my daughter, Ashley\u2014seven sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the mother of seven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Seven sons. Do you think she needs to practice this? [Laughter] I think so. I think there are a lot of our listeners, who do, too, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson: <\/strong>Well, and 28 foster kids\u2014so I said at the end of this [speaking slowly]: \u201cBreathe easy. Breathe easy.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe we should send her seven copies of the book; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, no, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We could do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of the book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order as many as you like, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014the book is called <em>Mother and Son: The Respect Effect<\/em>. Love is important, but it\u2019s respect that\u2019s the key to your son\u2019s heart. The author\u2014Emerson Eggerichs, who\u2019s been our guest today. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this past weekend, we had hundreds of couples joining us at one of our eight <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways that we hosted in cities all across the country. Among that group were a number of pastors and their spouses. For years, we have been able to scholarship pastors and spouses to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway; because we\u2019ve had listeners, like you, who have contributed to the scholarship fund; so the money\u2019s been there to cover the registration costs for pastors and spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat fund is starting to get a little low. We\u2019re asking listeners, here in April, if you would help us replenish the war chest so that we can continue to make the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway available for pastors and spouses. In fact, you might want to mention this to your pastor and encourage him to get away for a weekend with his wife and have the two of them enjoy some marital enrichment. If you\u2019d like to help other pastors be at a weekend getaway, you can contribute to the scholarship fund, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you designate the donation, it\u2019ll go to the Pastors\u2019 Scholarship Fund. If you\u2019d like to contribute for the ongoing cost of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program\u2014you can contribute to the general fund as well. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about the relationship between mothers and sons. We\u2019ll find out why your son \/ your teenage son is not hoping to have some kind of an extended heart-to-heart conversation with you that goes on for a couple of hours. Emerson Eggerichs will be here to explain that to us tomorrow. I hope you can tune in as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300199","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300199"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300199"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300199"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300199"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300199"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300199"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300199"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}