{"id":300187,"date":"2018-03-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-03-23T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-humble-parent\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:22","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:22","slug":"the-humble-parent","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-humble-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"The Humble Parent"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Todd Friel, a professed chief sinner in his household, reveals that the most courageous thing he ever does is apologize to his wife and children for sinning against them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-23.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:11","filesize":"26.73M","filesize_raw":"28025500","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,2906,2827,2806],"tags":[4305,4304,4300,4005,4303,4302],"podcast_series":[7201],"cwp_profile":[3098],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300187","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-becoming-a-christian","category-repentance","category-spiritual-development","tag-authority-of-god","tag-biblical-authority","tag-disciplining-children","tag-parents","tag-saying-your-sorry","tag-setting-an-example","podcast_series-reset-for-parents","cwp_profile-todd-friel","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300187\/the-humble-parent","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300187\/the-humble-parent","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"rMRWUPkwuy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-humble-parent\/\">The Humble Parent<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-humble-parent\/embed\/#?secret=rMRWUPkwuy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Humble Parent&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"rMRWUPkwuy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-23.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-23.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s possible that one reason teenagers are turning away from their Christian faith is because their moms and dads continue to try to control them, even when they become young adults. Todd Friel says he\u2019s had to recognize his own tendency to do that and back off a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u201cI need to start letting my kids make some of their own decisions\u201d\u2014and this will sound pretty radical\u2014\u201cbut even make some mistakes along the way\u201d; because if I try to protect them and put the bumper rails on everything, when it\u2019s their turn to give it a go, they are going to make a big hash of it. I\u2019d rather be there to help them clean up the mess than just <em>never<\/em> let them even potentially make a bad decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. One of the ways we help our children begin to exercise their own faith is by letting them make some of their own decisions\u2014even wrong decisions. We\u2019ll talk more about that with our guest today, Todd Friel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We have been establishing the fact this week that moms and dads need to make sure our sons and daughters understand that we are sinners, just like they are. I think one of the challenges moms and dads experience, when they think about that is: \u201cI\u2019m going to lose my ability to be the authority in my child\u2019s life if my child knows that I\u2019m a mess just like he is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Being authentic never hurts your authority with your child\u2019s life. In fact, if anything, I think your stock goes up; because I think children today are spotting phonies. If you are acting like you\u2019re perfect\u2014and they already know you aren\u2019t\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s not going to do you any good. <br><br>We have a parent here who has already claimed, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, that he is perfect. Todd Friel joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome back, Todd. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes [reluctantly]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cPerfection and How I Achieved It.\u201d You know, Todd is a radio host\/TV host of programs called <em>Wretched <\/em>TV\/<em>Wretched<\/em> radio and is a father of three \/ the husband of Susan for, now\u2014well, all the way back to 1990. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to ask you one of my favorite questions: \u201cWhat\u2019s the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done in all your life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Apologized to my wife and children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wait; he didn\u2019t even pause! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No, no, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t pause with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; he\u2014I\u2019m not going to accept that as the answer, because you just generalized a bunch of stuff. I was asking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Todd:<\/strong> What? Do you want my particular sins that I had to confess? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just listen, Todd. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> This has become <em>that<\/em> kind of a show?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Courage\u2014it has. [Laughter]\u00a0 Courage is doing your duty in the face of fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What one act of courage comes to mind? I\u2019m not talking about a generalization because I get that. Continuing to apologize to your wife\u2014ask her forgiveness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that faces down fear and demands courage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a big apology moment that comes to mind? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; not one\u2014about ten million. [Laughter] That\u2019s\u2014the reason that\u2019s hard for me\u2014it\u2019s a pride issue \/ that\u2019s all. I think that most family explosions come from that issue\u2014pride. We love ourselves. I\u2019ll be the first to admit: \u201cI love me\u2014<em>some<\/em> <em>me<\/em>. I love me a lot. I like me more than anybody else. And if <em>you<\/em> do not behave the way I need you, at least in my mind, to behave\u2014James 4 has the most profound question: \u201cWhy are there quarrels among you?\u201d\u2014don\u2019t tell me the Bible isn\u2019t relevant\u2014\u201cIs it not because you need something?\u201d\u2014or so you think you do\u2014\u201cYour desires are thwarted.\u201d James says, \u201cAnd so you murder.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we can murder in a lot of different ways. In fact, let\u2019s\u2014you can do a little introspection, guys. There are four ways that I think you can murder your spouse in response to his or her sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ll just use ladies for the moment. Let\u2019s just say your wife\u2014she legitimately sinned against you\u2014this isn\u2019t a preference issue, like how to fold the laundry or how to stack the dishes\u2014she sinned. She said the thing that\u2014you know, she just put it in and twisted it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we tend to respond in one of four ways. See if you find yourself in one of these four ways. Number one, they hit a serve at you; you return it twice as hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two way is you don\u2019t respond; but you file it away because you know it will just be a matter of time\u2014it might be years\u2014but it will be a matter of time when you can take that out of your rolodex, slap it down, and \u201cAHA\u201d them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a trump card that you hide away\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of the ways to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for the moment that you can play it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Exactly. Third way, you abandon ship: you just leave; you go to the garage; you go to the basement; you go shopping; you play a round of golf; you immerse yourself in work; you just skedaddle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is what ESPN is for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2014I think we just discovered which camp you fall into! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI happen to be in the fourth camp\u2014it\u2019s the big chill \/ the silent treatment. Now, my friend, Rick Thomas, pointed this out, profoundly: \u201cSilence\u2014it accomplishes the same thing murder does. Murder gets you off the planet. Silencing you [the spouse] says: \u2018I don\u2019t want you on the planet. I\u2019m not going to engage with you.\u2019\u201d Now, that\u2019s the way that we can respond\u2014sin for sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, all four of those are ways of really murdering with our heart; but more theologically, our spouse has sinned against us. What are we doing? Theologically, we are punishing our spouse for his or her sins. Question: \u201cWho was punished for your spouse\u2019s sins?\u201d\u2014Jesus. So, when I punish my spouse for her sin, I\u2019m basically telling God: \u201cI know you bruised your only Son, but that\u2019s not enough for me. I need a pound of flesh.\u201d I confuse the gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to make sure that we are theologians in our marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that we don\u2019t sin against sin and that we don\u2019t confuse the gospel. Instead, we remember that we are the chief sinner in the house. My wife has never done anything to me that I have not done to God a million times worse and over. Therefore, I have no need to retaliate. I\u2019ve been forgiven much\u2014I can forgive much. It is that humbling message that then allows you to say, \u201cI\u2019m sor\u2014I\u2019m sorr\u2014I\u2019m sorry I was Fonzie.\u201d You know, we stutter so hard because it\u2019s a pride issue\u2014that\u2019s why it takes courage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, that\u2019s a great answer. Now: \u201cWhat\u2019s the most courageous\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I thought I got out of this! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; the question is still on the table: \u201cWhat\u2019s a time when you can say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I\u2019ll just tell you one recently. My daughter, lovingly\/respectfully, sent me a text\u2014okay; it wasn\u2019t face to face\u2014she sent me a text. She said, \u201cDad, I\u2019d like to talk to you as a Christian sister.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Alright? She wasn\u2019t being a petulant daughter. She was\u2014it was genuine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI work with a pretty young crew and, specifically, a fellow named Adrian\u2014who you, maybe, see on the TV on occasion. She said, \u201cDad, there are times that you talk to us in ways that you would never talk to Adrian,\u201d\u2014who is just about their age. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to stop and really analyze that and ask the question: \u201cDo I talk to my daughters in a tone that I would never talk to a coworker?\u201d I had to admit she is right, but wait\u2014it went even deeper. I started to think back\u2014if I\u2019m not recognizing that today, when I can just say to my 23-year-old daughter, \u201cYou\u2019re going to drive carefully; right?\u201d You know, just\u2014I would never say that to you, Bob, or Dennis: \u201cHey, you\u2019re going to drive safely; right?\u201d Is it possible that I\u2019ve talked to my daughters like that my whole life? I had to admit: \u201cI think I have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to say to my daughter, \u201cHoney,\u201d\u2014and I did say it face to face\u2014\u201cyou\u2019re right. Not only am I sorry for the way I talk to you now, but anytime that I\u2019ve talked to you that way in my whole life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is profoundly difficult for me because of this pride monster that lives inside of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what you just demonstrated there is what I think a lot of parents need to just take to heart and never lose the ability to apologize to their kids and to listen carefully to what their kids are saying to them, because I think all of us have got our Achilles. We\u2019ve got our weaknesses, where we don\u2019t realize how we\u2019re coming across with our children or with our spouse. So, listen carefully when, not just when they write a text and say, \u201cI\u2019m coming to you as a Christian sister\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut I\u2019m coming to you, wanting an audience and needing you to be teachable \/ needing you\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> How about this?\u2014when they don\u2019t do it well? Do you have the proverbial ability\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014to receive criticism\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014delivered harshly, or severely, or offensively\u2014and still go, \u201cIs there any truth in that?\u201d Oh, is that hard! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; hang on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave you guys not read Ephesians 6:1 that says:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Exactly! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cChildren, obey your parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> The first verse we have them memorize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cin the Lord\u201d; right? I mean, isn\u2019t there something\u2014all we\u2019ve been talking about this week is Mom and Dad need to be humble and need to be gospel; and you need to be going to your kids and repent and all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Repenters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Where is the part, Todd, where we tell our kids: \u201cLook, I\u2019m Dad \/ you\u2019re kid. I say what goes. You obey.\u201d [Paper rustling] You have it there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Know what I\u2019ve got right here? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What do you have? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Well, three verses later, there\u2019s an admonition to mom and dad. We don\u2019t memorize that one, ourselves\u2014two commandments that are given to parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you guys are in the parenting business \/ in the marriage and family business. I can only find two direct commandments to parents throughout the Bible. One of them\u2014Deuteronomy 6 \/ it\u2019s also in Colossians\u2014but we see it in Ephesians, Chapter 6: \u201cTrain up your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord,\u201d\u2014one commandment. Here, now, is the second commandment. This is God\u2019s other commandment for the monstrous task of parenting\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014here it is: \u201cDon\u2019t make your kids nuts,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s it\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t make your kids angry.\u201d If that\u2019s the other command, it must be something that we specialize in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I did, gentlemen, for this book that we\u2019re discussing today, I wrote down the ways that I can make my kids angry. I thought, \u201cThis is going to take me hours because\u201d\u2014whoa!\u2014\u201cI never do such things!\u201d I started to write down all of the things that I do to make my children angry, and I realized I can do it in the most subtle ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t put the list away\u2014keep the list \/ give me a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Okay. Here\u2014for instance: \u201cI try to control my children as if they are still a child.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I remember this one\u2014we went over to some friend\u2019s house to just hang out, and we\u2019re all meeting in the foyer of their home. There\u2019s a lot of chit chat. Well, the couple that we were with\u2014they had some older sons and daughters, and my kids were teenagers. They said: \u201cHey, we\u2019ve got this great big movie screen downstairs. Let\u2019s go watch a movie.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just like that: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, hey; what movie are you going to watch?\u201d because I had to determine what my kids were going to put in their eye, because I didn\u2019t think they were capable of making that decision. Furthermore, I embarrassed my teenagers in front of other kids; and that\u2019s when I realized: \u201cUh-oh, I\u2019ve got to be mindful. I need to start letting my kids make some of their own decisions,\u201d\u2014and this will sound pretty radical\u2014\u201cbut even make some mistakes along the way,\u201d because if I try to protect them and put the bumper rails on everything, when it\u2019s their turn to give it a go, they are going to make a big hash of it. I\u2019d rather be there to help them clean up the mess than just <em>never<\/em> let them even potentially make a bad decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the mom or dad, who is hearing you say this and go, \u201cYou\u2019re telling me I just let my 17-year-old decide whatever movie they want to go watch?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t; you don\u2019t\u2014okay: \u201cMom, can I go to the crack house tonight?\u201d The answer is: \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> But could it be: \u201cMom, can I go to that movie tonight?\u201d\u2014and you know they\u2019ve got that test the next day? \u201cIf you think that is wise, honey, go ahead.\u201d Then, they go; they don\u2019t study well, and they get a poor grade. There are natural consequences to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019d like to deal with that decision as opposed to the crack house decision; and let them sometimes fall on their face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some of our listeners are still looking for the verse, \u201cDon\u2019t make your kids crazy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s a paraphrase. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is\u2014it is Ephesians, Chapter 6, verse 4, I think:\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes, sir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cFathers, do not provoke your children to anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve still got to get back to 6:1 thought: \u201cChildren, obey your parents in the Lord.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s in the Lord, though. That\u2019s what you\u2019re driving at; isn\u2019t it, sir?\u2014that we want our kids to obey the Lord. So, what does that look like? When I typically parent, my bent is to get them to obey <em>me<\/em>. Now, make no mistake about it\u2014God is giving us the authority to tell our kids what to do\u2014but if I\u2019m not careful and if I become the authority in their life\u2014then, uh-oh\u2014when the authority figure is gone, they are off to the races. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Instead<\/em>, I want my children to obey me as they submit to <em>God<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the question is: \u201cHow do you do that?\u201d I think the answer is\u2014going back to our Ephesians 6:1\u2014it is: \u201c\u2026in the Lord\u201d\u2014back to Deuteronomy 6: \u201cTalk about Him...\u201d We need to use the Bible as our authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking back: \u201cHow did I learn the authority of God?\u201d I think some of it was hearing His judgment of sin and my accountability to Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, He is in charge; and He will call into account what we\u2019ve done. There is an unhealthy fear of God, but there is also a <em>very<\/em> healthy fear of God that I think does turn our hearts away from evil and turn our hearts toward Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I agree; but I\u2019m going to keep going with that though, because I do want my kids to fear the Lord; but I don\u2019t want them to <em>just<\/em> fear the Lord. So, I would say, \u201cAmen,\u201d to that; because very few pastors are preaching anything about the fear of the Lord, judgment, and consequences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do want to let my son or daughter fear the Lord; but then, I also want to let them know the good news: \u201cBecause of Jesus, you don\u2019t have to.\u201d So, then, I also bring in the gospel with it so that they love the Lord and desire to obey Him as opposed to just kind of looking out for the lightning bolts. I agree with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Todd, I want to loop all the way back to where we began the conversation\u2014backsliding kids. It\u2019s the subtitle of your book, <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. If a parent\u2019s got a 26-year-old \/ 32-year-old\u2014and you know what?\u2014when they went to college, they took the left turn in there; they are still off there. Mom and dad are thinking: \u201cIt\u2019s all over. All we can do is pray at this point and hope somebody comes and crosses their path.\u201d Is there anything we can do with adult children, who have headed in the wrong direction? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s probably one of the most heartbreaking dynamics of any family. You trained up your child\u2014you brought them to Sunday school\u2014and now, they\u2019re acting like that. There is embarrassment; there is disappointment; there is heartache; there is concern. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to, once again, jump back to the Word of God and ask, \u201cHow can the Bible help me with this?\u201d I would like to suggest to you: \u201cRemember this. It\u2019s not your job to get your child saved.\u201d You may have sinned against your child in raising your child, but you didn\u2019t cause your child to not get saved. That onus is on them. So, what do you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor starters, instead of looking back and having perpetual regrets\u2014and don\u2019t just try to do some sort of a mind-swipe, where I just forget about it or just say, \u201cWell, God throws my sins into the deepest part of the sea and puts up a sign that says, \u2018No fishing,\u2019\u201d\u2014which is absolutely correct\u2014but God doesn\u2019t forget our sins; otherwise, you\u2019d forget half the Bible, because it deals with all of our sins in the Bible\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014in heaven, we wouldn\u2019t be rejoicing because Jesus saved us from our sins. So, God doesn\u2019t forget our sins, and neither should we; <em>but<\/em> we don\u2019t want to dwell on them. Instead, we want to remind ourselves: \u201cYou know what? I committed really bad sins against my children, but I\u2019ve got a Savior who is greater than those sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ve been forgiven; and I worship a great God who forgave me,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s for starters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I would suggest: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you call up that prodigal child and do something profoundly bold?\u2014recognizing, now, that you have sinned against your child\u2014that you perhaps have never said: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d and had a sin transaction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink of it like a piece of carpet. You get new carpet installed in your home. It\u2019s beautiful and nobody gets to walk on it with their shoes; but over time, you get a little bit lazy, and then there is a stain here. Maybe, you clean it up. Then, there is a stain there. The next thing you know, years go by, and the thing is <em>filthy<\/em>. What do you need? You need a carpet cleansing. Now, if you haven\u2019t done it, along the way, now, you\u2019ve got yourself a big mess; and it can be cleaned\u2014if you will approach your child, demonstrate the gospel has humbled you to say, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking back on my parenting years and all of the sins I\u2019ve committed against you\u201d\u2014not because you want to trick them or get them to become a Christian\u2014but because: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m sorry I yelled at you,\u201d \u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t treat you with respect,\u201d \u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t love you,\u201d \u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t give you the time that you should have,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m sorry, honey. Will you please forgive me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start there\u2014by showing that prodigal you\u2019re a changed person. It\u2019s going to get their attention; and then, continue to live that way with them\u2014witness to them as much as you can, naturally, and know that God loves to write prodigal stories. It\u2019s not too late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your [Dennis] wife Barbara shares in <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series about one of those moments that she had with your children, where she gathered everyone around and said, \u201cI need to ask you to forgive me because I sinned against you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was really a pivotal moment in our family. I\u2019m married to just a great lady\u2014that she would repent, publicly, in front of her kids and do it in a way that her heart was breaking as she did it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was not fake\u2014it was not a show \/ it was genuine. She was really sorry; and basically, it came about over a period of a number of years of, ultimately, coming to grips with a weakness that she had of getting frustrated with the kids and finally had to realize that she needed to go to them and ask for their forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was a living devotional. I mean, this is a mom who wants to do a great job with her kids and is admitting she had failed\u2014and hadn\u2019t failed just once\u2014but had failed repeatedly with her emotions. I just hugged her afterward; we prayed together. And it\u2019s in those moments, I think, that truly the love of Christ dwells richly in a family in a way that can\u2019t be manufactured by a sermon \/ by a devotional out of a book, but just from the heart of a mom or a dad to their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> This is a story from Randy Alcorn. I include it in the book: \u201cSome years ago, I sat with my daughter at a wonderful father\/daughter banquet at our church. Someone at the table asked my youngest daughter, Angela, what I had done as dad that made the biggest impression on her.\u201d Well, that could be problematic to have your daughter answer that in public. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u201cShe said, \u2018I remember one time when Dad was harsh with me; then, a few minutes later, he came back into my room. He cried and asked my forgiveness.\u2019 I\u2019ve never forgotten that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I think humility\u2014true humility\u2014admitting a failure \/ admitting our humanity\u2014really can be used in a powerful way in your children\u2019s lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Todd, I want to thank you for your honesty; for your book, <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>; and for helping parents keep their kids from backsliding; because, ultimately, this is authentic Christianity\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014this is being authentic, as a Christ-follower\u2014it\u2019s being real and showing your kids how you do real life in a messy way, but you don\u2019t quit. You keep on repenting, and you keep on following Christ. Thanks for being with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Complete honor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We, of course, we have copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I hope a lot of moms and dads will get a copy of this and read through it together. <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em> by Todd Friel\u2014order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the title of the book, <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>, from Todd Friel. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I just want to mention here\u2014this book really connects well with what we\u2019re going to be sharing with folks on May 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup> in movie theaters across the country\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>\u2014produced with help from our friends, Alex and Stephen Kendrick. In fact, Alex has a role in the film. This is a dramatic presentation that takes a couple over a 50-year period of life as they raise their kids. We get right into their drama, and we see that intentionality in parenting is huge and that having Jesus as the core of your family makes all the difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can find out more. There is a trailer for the movie, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to watch it; and you can order tickets now. There\u2019s a list of the 800 theaters where this movie is going to be playing. You can buy your tickets, now, online. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information and to check out the <em>Like Arrows<\/em> trailer. We hope you\u2019ll join us May 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup> in your local movie theater. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, the <em>Like Arrows<\/em> movie is how we are introducing folks to a new eight-part video series that FamilyLife has created, called <em>FamilyLife\u2019s Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s going to be available, beginning in May as well. One of our goals with this series is to get the content into the hearts, and the hands, and the minds of a lot of moms and dads who, at this point in their life, may not be going to church\u2014may have turned away\u2014they may have backslidden. They need to hear the gospel, and they need to understand God\u2019s design for parenting. That\u2019s what this series will do for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We are developing a strategy to try to get this content into the hands and hearts of people, who aren\u2019t listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019ve come up with some great ideas\u2014some partnerships. It\u2019s going to take us about $10 per home to get this content into folks\u2019 hands, and we\u2019re asking you to help us with that. If you can make a donation today of $10, or $50, or $100, or $1,000\u2014whatever you can do\u2014you\u2019ll be helping us press biblical parenting principles, along with the gospel, into the lives of people who aren\u2019t currently going to church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate to that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you do, we\u2019ve got a thank-you gift we\u2019ll send you. It\u2019s a series of seven prayer cards so you can be praying for specific character qualities for your children. That\u2019s our gift when you donate today at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd as we wrap up this week, please be praying for couples in Akron, Ohio; Lincoln, Nebraska; and Chicago, Illinois. I\u2019m going to be in Chicago this weekend. We have <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> getaways taking place in all three of these cities, and we\u2019ve got hundreds of couples who are going to be joining us. Pray for us as we talk about God\u2019s design for marriage over the next couple of days. If you\u2019d like to find out more about when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway is coming to a city near you, you can find that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about one of the challenging issues we\u2019re facing in our culture today: \u201cHow do we understand people who say, \u2018I feel like I\u2019m a woman trapped in a man\u2019s body,\u2019 or vice versa? What do we do with the whole subject of transgenderism?\u201d Andrew Walker will be here Monday to have a conversation with us about that. I he you can be with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We\u2019ll see on Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:29:11"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.73M"],"filesize_raw":["28025500"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300187.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300187.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Todd Friel, a professed chief sinner in his household, reveals that the most courageous thing he ever does is apologize to his wife and children for sinning against them.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s possible that one reason teenagers are turning away from their Christian faith is because their moms and dads continue to try to control them, even when they become young adults. Todd Friel says he\u2019s had to recognize his own tendency to do that and back off a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u201cI need to start letting my kids make some of their own decisions\u201d\u2014and this will sound pretty radical\u2014\u201cbut even make some mistakes along the way\u201d; because if I try to protect them and put the bumper rails on everything, when it\u2019s their turn to give it a go, they are going to make a big hash of it. I\u2019d rather be there to help them clean up the mess than just <em>never<\/em> let them even potentially make a bad decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. One of the ways we help our children begin to exercise their own faith is by letting them make some of their own decisions\u2014even wrong decisions. We\u2019ll talk more about that with our guest today, Todd Friel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We have been establishing the fact this week that moms and dads need to make sure our sons and daughters understand that we are sinners, just like they are. I think one of the challenges moms and dads experience, when they think about that is: \u201cI\u2019m going to lose my ability to be the authority in my child\u2019s life if my child knows that I\u2019m a mess just like he is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Being authentic never hurts your authority with your child\u2019s life. In fact, if anything, I think your stock goes up; because I think children today are spotting phonies. If you are acting like you\u2019re perfect\u2014and they already know you aren\u2019t\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s not going to do you any good. <br><br>We have a parent here who has already claimed, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, that he is perfect. Todd Friel joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome back, Todd. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes [reluctantly]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cPerfection and How I Achieved It.\u201d You know, Todd is a radio host\/TV host of programs called <em>Wretched <\/em>TV\/<em>Wretched<\/em> radio and is a father of three \/ the husband of Susan for, now\u2014well, all the way back to 1990. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to ask you one of my favorite questions: \u201cWhat\u2019s the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done in all your life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Apologized to my wife and children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wait; he didn\u2019t even pause! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No, no, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t pause with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; he\u2014I\u2019m not going to accept that as the answer, because you just generalized a bunch of stuff. I was asking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Todd:<\/strong> What? Do you want my particular sins that I had to confess? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just listen, Todd. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> This has become <em>that<\/em> kind of a show?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Courage\u2014it has. [Laughter]\u00a0 Courage is doing your duty in the face of fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What one act of courage comes to mind? I\u2019m not talking about a generalization because I get that. Continuing to apologize to your wife\u2014ask her forgiveness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that faces down fear and demands courage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a big apology moment that comes to mind? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; not one\u2014about ten million. [Laughter] That\u2019s\u2014the reason that\u2019s hard for me\u2014it\u2019s a pride issue \/ that\u2019s all. I think that most family explosions come from that issue\u2014pride. We love ourselves. I\u2019ll be the first to admit: \u201cI love me\u2014<em>some<\/em> <em>me<\/em>. I love me a lot. I like me more than anybody else. And if <em>you<\/em> do not behave the way I need you, at least in my mind, to behave\u2014James 4 has the most profound question: \u201cWhy are there quarrels among you?\u201d\u2014don\u2019t tell me the Bible isn\u2019t relevant\u2014\u201cIs it not because you need something?\u201d\u2014or so you think you do\u2014\u201cYour desires are thwarted.\u201d James says, \u201cAnd so you murder.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we can murder in a lot of different ways. In fact, let\u2019s\u2014you can do a little introspection, guys. There are four ways that I think you can murder your spouse in response to his or her sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ll just use ladies for the moment. Let\u2019s just say your wife\u2014she legitimately sinned against you\u2014this isn\u2019t a preference issue, like how to fold the laundry or how to stack the dishes\u2014she sinned. She said the thing that\u2014you know, she just put it in and twisted it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we tend to respond in one of four ways. See if you find yourself in one of these four ways. Number one, they hit a serve at you; you return it twice as hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two way is you don\u2019t respond; but you file it away because you know it will just be a matter of time\u2014it might be years\u2014but it will be a matter of time when you can take that out of your rolodex, slap it down, and \u201cAHA\u201d them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a trump card that you hide away\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of the ways to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for the moment that you can play it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Exactly. Third way, you abandon ship: you just leave; you go to the garage; you go to the basement; you go shopping; you play a round of golf; you immerse yourself in work; you just skedaddle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is what ESPN is for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2014I think we just discovered which camp you fall into! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI happen to be in the fourth camp\u2014it\u2019s the big chill \/ the silent treatment. Now, my friend, Rick Thomas, pointed this out, profoundly: \u201cSilence\u2014it accomplishes the same thing murder does. Murder gets you off the planet. Silencing you [the spouse] says: \u2018I don\u2019t want you on the planet. I\u2019m not going to engage with you.\u2019\u201d Now, that\u2019s the way that we can respond\u2014sin for sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, all four of those are ways of really murdering with our heart; but more theologically, our spouse has sinned against us. What are we doing? Theologically, we are punishing our spouse for his or her sins. Question: \u201cWho was punished for your spouse\u2019s sins?\u201d\u2014Jesus. So, when I punish my spouse for her sin, I\u2019m basically telling God: \u201cI know you bruised your only Son, but that\u2019s not enough for me. I need a pound of flesh.\u201d I confuse the gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to make sure that we are theologians in our marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that we don\u2019t sin against sin and that we don\u2019t confuse the gospel. Instead, we remember that we are the chief sinner in the house. My wife has never done anything to me that I have not done to God a million times worse and over. Therefore, I have no need to retaliate. I\u2019ve been forgiven much\u2014I can forgive much. It is that humbling message that then allows you to say, \u201cI\u2019m sor\u2014I\u2019m sorr\u2014I\u2019m sorry I was Fonzie.\u201d You know, we stutter so hard because it\u2019s a pride issue\u2014that\u2019s why it takes courage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, that\u2019s a great answer. Now: \u201cWhat\u2019s the most courageous\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I thought I got out of this! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; the question is still on the table: \u201cWhat\u2019s a time when you can say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I\u2019ll just tell you one recently. My daughter, lovingly\/respectfully, sent me a text\u2014okay; it wasn\u2019t face to face\u2014she sent me a text. She said, \u201cDad, I\u2019d like to talk to you as a Christian sister.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Alright? She wasn\u2019t being a petulant daughter. She was\u2014it was genuine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI work with a pretty young crew and, specifically, a fellow named Adrian\u2014who you, maybe, see on the TV on occasion. She said, \u201cDad, there are times that you talk to us in ways that you would never talk to Adrian,\u201d\u2014who is just about their age. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to stop and really analyze that and ask the question: \u201cDo I talk to my daughters in a tone that I would never talk to a coworker?\u201d I had to admit she is right, but wait\u2014it went even deeper. I started to think back\u2014if I\u2019m not recognizing that today, when I can just say to my 23-year-old daughter, \u201cYou\u2019re going to drive carefully; right?\u201d You know, just\u2014I would never say that to you, Bob, or Dennis: \u201cHey, you\u2019re going to drive safely; right?\u201d Is it possible that I\u2019ve talked to my daughters like that my whole life? I had to admit: \u201cI think I have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to say to my daughter, \u201cHoney,\u201d\u2014and I did say it face to face\u2014\u201cyou\u2019re right. Not only am I sorry for the way I talk to you now, but anytime that I\u2019ve talked to you that way in my whole life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is profoundly difficult for me because of this pride monster that lives inside of me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what you just demonstrated there is what I think a lot of parents need to just take to heart and never lose the ability to apologize to their kids and to listen carefully to what their kids are saying to them, because I think all of us have got our Achilles. We\u2019ve got our weaknesses, where we don\u2019t realize how we\u2019re coming across with our children or with our spouse. So, listen carefully when, not just when they write a text and say, \u201cI\u2019m coming to you as a Christian sister\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut I\u2019m coming to you, wanting an audience and needing you to be teachable \/ needing you\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> How about this?\u2014when they don\u2019t do it well? Do you have the proverbial ability\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014to receive criticism\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014delivered harshly, or severely, or offensively\u2014and still go, \u201cIs there any truth in that?\u201d Oh, is that hard! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; hang on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave you guys not read Ephesians 6:1 that says:\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Exactly! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cChildren, obey your parents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> The first verse we have them memorize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cin the Lord\u201d; right? I mean, isn\u2019t there something\u2014all we\u2019ve been talking about this week is Mom and Dad need to be humble and need to be gospel; and you need to be going to your kids and repent and all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Repenters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Where is the part, Todd, where we tell our kids: \u201cLook, I\u2019m Dad \/ you\u2019re kid. I say what goes. You obey.\u201d [Paper rustling] You have it there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Know what I\u2019ve got right here? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What do you have? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Well, three verses later, there\u2019s an admonition to mom and dad. We don\u2019t memorize that one, ourselves\u2014two commandments that are given to parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you guys are in the parenting business \/ in the marriage and family business. I can only find two direct commandments to parents throughout the Bible. One of them\u2014Deuteronomy 6 \/ it\u2019s also in Colossians\u2014but we see it in Ephesians, Chapter 6: \u201cTrain up your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord,\u201d\u2014one commandment. Here, now, is the second commandment. This is God\u2019s other commandment for the monstrous task of parenting\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014here it is: \u201cDon\u2019t make your kids nuts,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s it\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t make your kids angry.\u201d If that\u2019s the other command, it must be something that we specialize in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I did, gentlemen, for this book that we\u2019re discussing today, I wrote down the ways that I can make my kids angry. I thought, \u201cThis is going to take me hours because\u201d\u2014whoa!\u2014\u201cI never do such things!\u201d I started to write down all of the things that I do to make my children angry, and I realized I can do it in the most subtle ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t put the list away\u2014keep the list \/ give me a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Okay. Here\u2014for instance: \u201cI try to control my children as if they are still a child.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I remember this one\u2014we went over to some friend\u2019s house to just hang out, and we\u2019re all meeting in the foyer of their home. There\u2019s a lot of chit chat. Well, the couple that we were with\u2014they had some older sons and daughters, and my kids were teenagers. They said: \u201cHey, we\u2019ve got this great big movie screen downstairs. Let\u2019s go watch a movie.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd just like that: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHey, hey; what movie are you going to watch?\u201d because I had to determine what my kids were going to put in their eye, because I didn\u2019t think they were capable of making that decision. Furthermore, I embarrassed my teenagers in front of other kids; and that\u2019s when I realized: \u201cUh-oh, I\u2019ve got to be mindful. I need to start letting my kids make some of their own decisions,\u201d\u2014and this will sound pretty radical\u2014\u201cbut even make some mistakes along the way,\u201d because if I try to protect them and put the bumper rails on everything, when it\u2019s their turn to give it a go, they are going to make a big hash of it. I\u2019d rather be there to help them clean up the mess than just <em>never<\/em> let them even potentially make a bad decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the mom or dad, who is hearing you say this and go, \u201cYou\u2019re telling me I just let my 17-year-old decide whatever movie they want to go watch?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t; you don\u2019t\u2014okay: \u201cMom, can I go to the crack house tonight?\u201d The answer is: \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> But could it be: \u201cMom, can I go to that movie tonight?\u201d\u2014and you know they\u2019ve got that test the next day? \u201cIf you think that is wise, honey, go ahead.\u201d Then, they go; they don\u2019t study well, and they get a poor grade. There are natural consequences to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019d like to deal with that decision as opposed to the crack house decision; and let them sometimes fall on their face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some of our listeners are still looking for the verse, \u201cDon\u2019t make your kids crazy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s a paraphrase. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is\u2014it is Ephesians, Chapter 6, verse 4, I think:\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes, sir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cFathers, do not provoke your children to anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve still got to get back to 6:1 thought: \u201cChildren, obey your parents in the Lord.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> That\u2019s in the Lord, though. That\u2019s what you\u2019re driving at; isn\u2019t it, sir?\u2014that we want our kids to obey the Lord. So, what does that look like? When I typically parent, my bent is to get them to obey <em>me<\/em>. Now, make no mistake about it\u2014God is giving us the authority to tell our kids what to do\u2014but if I\u2019m not careful and if I become the authority in their life\u2014then, uh-oh\u2014when the authority figure is gone, they are off to the races. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Instead<\/em>, I want my children to obey me as they submit to <em>God<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the question is: \u201cHow do you do that?\u201d I think the answer is\u2014going back to our Ephesians 6:1\u2014it is: \u201c\u2026in the Lord\u201d\u2014back to Deuteronomy 6: \u201cTalk about Him...\u201d We need to use the Bible as our authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking back: \u201cHow did I learn the authority of God?\u201d I think some of it was hearing His judgment of sin and my accountability to Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, He is in charge; and He will call into account what we\u2019ve done. There is an unhealthy fear of God, but there is also a <em>very<\/em> healthy fear of God that I think does turn our hearts away from evil and turn our hearts toward Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I agree; but I\u2019m going to keep going with that though, because I do want my kids to fear the Lord; but I don\u2019t want them to <em>just<\/em> fear the Lord. So, I would say, \u201cAmen,\u201d to that; because very few pastors are preaching anything about the fear of the Lord, judgment, and consequences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do want to let my son or daughter fear the Lord; but then, I also want to let them know the good news: \u201cBecause of Jesus, you don\u2019t have to.\u201d So, then, I also bring in the gospel with it so that they love the Lord and desire to obey Him as opposed to just kind of looking out for the lightning bolts. I agree with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Todd, I want to loop all the way back to where we began the conversation\u2014backsliding kids. It\u2019s the subtitle of your book, <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. If a parent\u2019s got a 26-year-old \/ 32-year-old\u2014and you know what?\u2014when they went to college, they took the left turn in there; they are still off there. Mom and dad are thinking: \u201cIt\u2019s all over. All we can do is pray at this point and hope somebody comes and crosses their path.\u201d Is there anything we can do with adult children, who have headed in the wrong direction? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s probably one of the most heartbreaking dynamics of any family. You trained up your child\u2014you brought them to Sunday school\u2014and now, they\u2019re acting like that. There is embarrassment; there is disappointment; there is heartache; there is concern. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to, once again, jump back to the Word of God and ask, \u201cHow can the Bible help me with this?\u201d I would like to suggest to you: \u201cRemember this. It\u2019s not your job to get your child saved.\u201d You may have sinned against your child in raising your child, but you didn\u2019t cause your child to not get saved. That onus is on them. So, what do you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor starters, instead of looking back and having perpetual regrets\u2014and don\u2019t just try to do some sort of a mind-swipe, where I just forget about it or just say, \u201cWell, God throws my sins into the deepest part of the sea and puts up a sign that says, \u2018No fishing,\u2019\u201d\u2014which is absolutely correct\u2014but God doesn\u2019t forget our sins; otherwise, you\u2019d forget half the Bible, because it deals with all of our sins in the Bible\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014in heaven, we wouldn\u2019t be rejoicing because Jesus saved us from our sins. So, God doesn\u2019t forget our sins, and neither should we; <em>but<\/em> we don\u2019t want to dwell on them. Instead, we want to remind ourselves: \u201cYou know what? I committed really bad sins against my children, but I\u2019ve got a Savior who is greater than those sins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ve been forgiven; and I worship a great God who forgave me,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s for starters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I would suggest: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you call up that prodigal child and do something profoundly bold?\u2014recognizing, now, that you have sinned against your child\u2014that you perhaps have never said: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d and had a sin transaction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink of it like a piece of carpet. You get new carpet installed in your home. It\u2019s beautiful and nobody gets to walk on it with their shoes; but over time, you get a little bit lazy, and then there is a stain here. Maybe, you clean it up. Then, there is a stain there. The next thing you know, years go by, and the thing is <em>filthy<\/em>. What do you need? You need a carpet cleansing. Now, if you haven\u2019t done it, along the way, now, you\u2019ve got yourself a big mess; and it can be cleaned\u2014if you will approach your child, demonstrate the gospel has humbled you to say, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking back on my parenting years and all of the sins I\u2019ve committed against you\u201d\u2014not because you want to trick them or get them to become a Christian\u2014but because: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m sorry I yelled at you,\u201d \u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t treat you with respect,\u201d \u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t love you,\u201d \u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t give you the time that you should have,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m sorry, honey. Will you please forgive me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start there\u2014by showing that prodigal you\u2019re a changed person. It\u2019s going to get their attention; and then, continue to live that way with them\u2014witness to them as much as you can, naturally, and know that God loves to write prodigal stories. It\u2019s not too late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your [Dennis] wife Barbara shares in <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series about one of those moments that she had with your children, where she gathered everyone around and said, \u201cI need to ask you to forgive me because I sinned against you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was really a pivotal moment in our family. I\u2019m married to just a great lady\u2014that she would repent, publicly, in front of her kids and do it in a way that her heart was breaking as she did it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was not fake\u2014it was not a show \/ it was genuine. She was really sorry; and basically, it came about over a period of a number of years of, ultimately, coming to grips with a weakness that she had of getting frustrated with the kids and finally had to realize that she needed to go to them and ask for their forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was a living devotional. I mean, this is a mom who wants to do a great job with her kids and is admitting she had failed\u2014and hadn\u2019t failed just once\u2014but had failed repeatedly with her emotions. I just hugged her afterward; we prayed together. And it\u2019s in those moments, I think, that truly the love of Christ dwells richly in a family in a way that can\u2019t be manufactured by a sermon \/ by a devotional out of a book, but just from the heart of a mom or a dad to their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> This is a story from Randy Alcorn. I include it in the book: \u201cSome years ago, I sat with my daughter at a wonderful father\/daughter banquet at our church. Someone at the table asked my youngest daughter, Angela, what I had done as dad that made the biggest impression on her.\u201d Well, that could be problematic to have your daughter answer that in public. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u201cShe said, \u2018I remember one time when Dad was harsh with me; then, a few minutes later, he came back into my room. He cried and asked my forgiveness.\u2019 I\u2019ve never forgotten that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I think humility\u2014true humility\u2014admitting a failure \/ admitting our humanity\u2014really can be used in a powerful way in your children\u2019s lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Todd, I want to thank you for your honesty; for your book, <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>; and for helping parents keep their kids from backsliding; because, ultimately, this is authentic Christianity\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014this is being authentic, as a Christ-follower\u2014it\u2019s being real and showing your kids how you do real life in a messy way, but you don\u2019t quit. You keep on repenting, and you keep on following Christ. Thanks for being with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Complete honor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We, of course, we have copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I hope a lot of moms and dads will get a copy of this and read through it together. <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em> by Todd Friel\u2014order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the title of the book, <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>, from Todd Friel. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I just want to mention here\u2014this book really connects well with what we\u2019re going to be sharing with folks on May 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup> in movie theaters across the country\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>\u2014produced with help from our friends, Alex and Stephen Kendrick. In fact, Alex has a role in the film. This is a dramatic presentation that takes a couple over a 50-year period of life as they raise their kids. We get right into their drama, and we see that intentionality in parenting is huge and that having Jesus as the core of your family makes all the difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can find out more. There is a trailer for the movie, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to watch it; and you can order tickets now. There\u2019s a list of the 800 theaters where this movie is going to be playing. You can buy your tickets, now, online. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information and to check out the <em>Like Arrows<\/em> trailer. We hope you\u2019ll join us May 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 3<sup>rd<\/sup> in your local movie theater. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, the <em>Like Arrows<\/em> movie is how we are introducing folks to a new eight-part video series that FamilyLife has created, called <em>FamilyLife\u2019s Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s going to be available, beginning in May as well. One of our goals with this series is to get the content into the hearts, and the hands, and the minds of a lot of moms and dads who, at this point in their life, may not be going to church\u2014may have turned away\u2014they may have backslidden. They need to hear the gospel, and they need to understand God\u2019s design for parenting. That\u2019s what this series will do for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We are developing a strategy to try to get this content into the hands and hearts of people, who aren\u2019t listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We\u2019ve come up with some great ideas\u2014some partnerships. It\u2019s going to take us about $10 per home to get this content into folks\u2019 hands, and we\u2019re asking you to help us with that. If you can make a donation today of $10, or $50, or $100, or $1,000\u2014whatever you can do\u2014you\u2019ll be helping us press biblical parenting principles, along with the gospel, into the lives of people who aren\u2019t currently going to church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate to that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you do, we\u2019ve got a thank-you gift we\u2019ll send you. It\u2019s a series of seven prayer cards so you can be praying for specific character qualities for your children. That\u2019s our gift when you donate today at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd as we wrap up this week, please be praying for couples in Akron, Ohio; Lincoln, Nebraska; and Chicago, Illinois. I\u2019m going to be in Chicago this weekend. We have <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> getaways taking place in all three of these cities, and we\u2019ve got hundreds of couples who are going to be joining us. Pray for us as we talk about God\u2019s design for marriage over the next couple of days. If you\u2019d like to find out more about when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway is coming to a city near you, you can find that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about one of the challenging issues we\u2019re facing in our culture today: \u201cHow do we understand people who say, \u2018I feel like I\u2019m a woman trapped in a man\u2019s body,\u2019 or vice versa? What do we do with the whole subject of transgenderism?\u201d Andrew Walker will be here Monday to have a conversation with us about that. I he you can be with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We\u2019ll see on Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300187","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300187"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300187"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300187"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300187"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}