{"id":300185,"date":"2018-03-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-03-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/quit-parenting-like-a-pagan\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:22","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:22","slug":"quit-parenting-like-a-pagan","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/quit-parenting-like-a-pagan\/","title":{"rendered":"Quit Parenting Like a Pagan"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Todd Friel encourages parents to look beyond behavior modification when disciplining our kids; reminding us that we&#8217;re all sinners, even parents, so we shouldn&#8217;t be shocked when kids don&#8217;t behave.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:58","filesize":"25.61M","filesize_raw":"26850285","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,2906,2827,2806],"tags":[4300,4301,4299,4298,4297,4005,4296,4111],"podcast_series":[7201],"cwp_profile":[3098],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300185","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-becoming-a-christian","category-repentance","category-spiritual-development","tag-disciplining-children","tag-draw-them-to-jesus","tag-faith","tag-live-out-the-gospel","tag-losing-the-faith","tag-parents","tag-prodigals","tag-repentance","podcast_series-reset-for-parents","cwp_profile-todd-friel","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300185\/quit-parenting-like-a-pagan","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300185\/quit-parenting-like-a-pagan","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"t9ham3G4cr\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/quit-parenting-like-a-pagan\/\">Quit Parenting Like a Pagan<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/quit-parenting-like-a-pagan\/embed\/#?secret=t9ham3G4cr\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Quit Parenting Like a Pagan&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"t9ham3G4cr\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of homes today where the message of the gospel is affirmed\u2014even believed. But Todd Friel says there are homes where it\u2019s just not lived out, including his own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> The gospel is basically two messages\u2014n<a id=\"_Hlk507503532\">umber one: \u201cI\u2019m a bad sinner,\u201d \/ number two: \u201cJesus is an amazing Savior.\u201d Here\u2019s the problem in my home\u2014I keep forgetting the first message of the gospel. I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the chief of sinners; I think I\u2019m better than everybody. So, when King Todd walks in the door, if everything isn\u2019t the way that I\u2019ve deemed it should be, I get mad at the serfs because they are not doing what royalty demands; and so, I get mad. I go to war because I don\u2019t get what I want\u2014because I think I\u2019m superior.<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, March 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What happens in a home when the gospel is professed and believed but it\u2019s infrequently lived out? We\u2019re going to talk about that today with our guest, Todd Friel. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m glad we\u2019ve got a former backslider in the room with us; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I am. He joins two others. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You too?! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure. That\u2019s Todd Friel who joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes sir. I\u2019m shocked that I\u2019m back! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a close vote.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> The other guy cancelled\u2014I got it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. Talk to us about where the passion for this book came from; because you speak to a lot of college kids, or have over the years, and you\u2019re seeing something that is troubling to you that, ultimately, caused you to kind of double down on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes. Well, first of all, the reason I wrote a parenting book is\u2014I don\u2019t know if you realize this, gentlemen, but I\u2019m a perfect parent; and I just wanted to let everybody\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014yes; that\u2019s exactly the opposite of the truth. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I\u2019ve made a <em>million<\/em> mistakes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat kind of ignited the fuse for this is going out to university campuses\u2014we talk to kids \/ we witness to kids, regularly, on TV and radio, <em>live<\/em>\u2014you can actually see it happening so that you can learn, perhaps, how to or how not to witness to somebody. Being in the Bible belt, I thought all of these kids would be theologically astute and they could spew the Westminster Catechism and Bible. Well, I discovered it\u2019s not the case. In fact, recently interviewed 36 kids for a TV series we did\u2014all of whom professed to be Christians\u201434 were <em>incapable<\/em> of defining the gospel\u20142 kids could \/ 34 did not know the very basics of the faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started asking questions: \u201cWhat went wrong here?\u201d and they started answering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started to hear themes. I compiled them, and I put them in a book called <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if they couldn\u2019t articulate the gospel, when you said, \u201cWhat\u2019s the gospel?\u201d what did they tell you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> They would say, \u201cThat\u2019s Matthew,\u201d \u201c\u2026Mark.\u201d They would start to talk about the Gospels.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Some would just flat out say, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, it wasn\u2019t like they were saying, \u201cIt\u2019s when you invite Jesus into your heart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; they wouldn\u2019t even get that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014because I would ask them: \u201cWhat is the gospel?\u201d They couldn\u2019t come up with a definition. Then it would get even <em>worse<\/em>\u2014I would say: \u201cOkay; let me try to just launch you into this. You\u2019re a really bad sinner, who\u2019s under the condemnation of Almighty God; but what\u2019s the <em>good news<\/em>?\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> It was shocking! I started to recognize there were patterns involved. I started to compile those\u2014wrote them down so that other parents don\u2019t become another statistic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like where you started, because you\u2019re calling parents to reset and reevaluate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> <em>Me too!<\/em> I parent like a pagan. I\u2019m a behavioral modifier: \u201cHey, clean up your room!\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t talk to your sister like that!\u201d \u201cWhat did you say?!\u201d \u201cMake sure you do the dishes!\u201d What am I doing?\u2014I\u2019m getting them to conform, but here\u2019s the problem. I become the authority in their life. But when they leave and go off to university\u2014and dad\u2019s no longer hovering, and they don\u2019t have me as the law keeper\u2014they just say, \u201cBye-bye,\u201d to Christianity. They do whatever they want to do; because I\u2019ve made <em>myself<\/em> the authority, and I haven\u2019t parented like a Christian. <em>That<\/em> is painful to recognize that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, what\u2019s the most important thing a parent needs to do? Maybe it\u2019s <em>know and do<\/em>, as they reset their parenting style.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> There are a lot of things, but let me just say that it all falls underneath one word: gospel. I know we\u2019ve all heard ten million sermons about: \u201cPreach the gospel to yourself every day,\u201d \/ \u201cThink about the gospel.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright; let\u2019s just take a look\u2014say, \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gospel is basically two messages\u2014number one: \u201cI\u2019m a bad sinner\u201d \/ number two: \u201cJesus is an amazing Savior.\u201d Here\u2019s the problem in my home\u2014I keep forgetting the first message of the gospel. I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the chief of sinners\u2014<em>like Paul did<\/em> in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Timothy 1\u2014Paul said, \u201cI\u2019m the chief of sinners.\u201d He said, \u201c\u2026wretched man that I am.\u201d Well, I don\u2019t think I am\u2014I kind of forget that. I think I\u2019m better than everybody, so here\u2019s the problem. When King Todd walks in the door, if everything isn\u2019t the way that I\u2019ve deemed it should be, I get mad at the serfs; because they are not doing what royalty demands. I get mad \/ I go to war, as James says in James, Chapter 4, \u201cI murder because I don\u2019t get what I want,\u201d\u2014because I think I\u2019m superior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s an illustration. Can you think of somebody that you <em>really<\/em> honor?\u2014somebody that you really, really like that you\u2019d love to have stay at your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019d love to have John Piper spend the night at my house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> John Piper is now coming to Bob Lepine\u2019s house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> What an honor. He\u2019s sleeping in the guest room. You get up early\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; he\u2019s sleeping in the master bedroom. I\u2019m going to the guest room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You know what? You make my point even more! So, he sleeps\u2014you\u2019re sleeping on the couch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You make the breakfast. You squeeze the orange juice that morning because you want to make sure the Vitamin C doesn\u2019t get lost over night. [Laughter] John Piper comes in, and he sits down at your kitchen table. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You approach him with your pitcher of orange juice; and in the process, you accidently kick John Piper\u2019s foot. Bob, what would you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019d be horrified! I\u2019d drop the orange juice\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You better: \"I\u2019m so sorry, Dr. Piper. Please forgive me! God wasn\u2019t glorified when I kicked you in the foot.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You\u2019d be [stuttering], \u201cOh\u2026\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; now, imagine you walk around to the other side of the table; and there sits your teenager, and you kick his foot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd: <\/strong>How do you respond now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cGet your foot out of the way!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Exactly! \u201cCome on, size 14! Let\u2019s pull those clodhoppers in.\u201d Now, what\u2019s the difference?\u2014what happened in this scenario? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere it is\u2014and this is going to hurt a little bit. I was esteeming John Piper as better than myself, but I wasn\u2019t esteeming my son as better than myself. Philippians 2: \u201cDo not consider your own interests but esteem others as better than yourself. Have the same mind as in Christ.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> <em>Especially <\/em>my kids. I need to <em>show them<\/em> that I remember the gospel. I think that\u2019s perhaps\u2014you asked the question, Dennis, \u201cWhat\u2019s the biggie?\u201d I think the biggie is we don\u2019t show our kids that the faith has affected us. We rarely\u2014I rarely apologize. We command them \/ we can bark at them, but we don\u2019t humble ourselves before them and show them \u201cI\u2019ve been changed by this thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was just talking to a group of younger Christian leaders in another office, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I was explaining where I felt like the leakage is, within the Christian faith, with the next generation of young people coming up and why they\u2019re leaving the faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s the very thing you\u2019re talking about. I told them\u2014I said: \u201cI think what\u2019s happening, within the Christian community\u2014there is a divorce between 11:00 on Sunday morning and 12:00\u2014that period of time, right there, where we go to church\u2014and the rest of the hours in the week. There\u2019s a divorce between the spiritual truth that is proclaimed and the reality of how people live.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean you have to be perfect. It just means you have to show you\u2019re in process \/ that you\u2019re engaging God; and He\u2019s at work in you and through you, accomplishing what He wants to accomplish. I told those guys\u2014I said, \u201cActs 13:36 is one of the most impressive verses in the Bible, for me, because it says about David: \u2018After he had served the purposes of God in his generation, he slept.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cI know of no more electrifying idea than to be in a relationship with Almighty God and to be tied into what He wants to accomplish in this generation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think if you live that out\u2014again, you don\u2019t have to do it perfectly\u2014but if you\u2019re just plodding along, and you\u2019re not quitting, your kids are going to get the message that there is a God: \u201cHe\u2019s at work in Mom\u2019s life,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s doing something in Dad\u2019s life. I don\u2019t quite understand this, but I like\u2014I like the product. I like what I\u2019m seeing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Todd, I\u2019ve been going around, interviewing people for <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2122 video series that we\u2019re getting ready to release. One of the people we interviewed is Jessica Thompson; she\u2019s an author and a speaker. One of the statements she made is\u2014she said, \u201cOn repeat, in our house, from parents to their kids is: \u201cI\u2019m a sinner just like you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost of us, as parents\u2014when I was raising my kids, my thought was: \u201cI\u2019ve got to be a model of righteousness. So \u2018I\u2019m a sinner just like you,\u2019 does not sound like a model of righteousness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to keep the sinful side concealed from my kids,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cI need to be a living example of who Jesus is so that they will follow my example.\u201d I never said, \u201cI\u2019m a sinner just like you,\u201d to my kids when I was raising them; and that\u2019s part of the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes; here\u2019s the funny part too. You thought you were concealing your sinful side\u2014[Laughter]\u2014like they didn\u2019t know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> As if you would say to them, \u201cHey kids, did you know that your dad was a sinner?\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t say, Pop! [Laughter] Thanks for the news flash.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; let me just amp this up even more; alright? I\u2019m going to make a provocative statement. When your child sins\u2014because your child is never going to be naughty in the future\u2014right?\u2014your child is never naughty again. Your child is a sinner\u2014that\u2019s different. Because if I just see a naughty child, I\u2019m going to correct the behavior. But if I see a sinner, I\u2019m on a rescue mission. If your engagement with your child does not end with your child loving Jesus more, then you\u2019ve biffed it as a Christian parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Now, let\u2019s apply that; and I suspect this scenario will resonate. You come home. You can smell the food that\u2019s cooking on the stove\u2014your favorite meal. Your wife has everything under control. The kids are going to line up: \u201cFather, we\u2019re so glad that you\u2019ve finally made an appearance. [Laughter] We\u2019ve been expectant\u2014waiting all day for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut instead you walk in and you hear: \u201cShut up!\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a moron!\u201d \u201cKnock it off!\u201d\u2014it\u2019s complete chaos. The first person who greets you is your wife, and she doesn\u2019t look happy. She\u2019s got the look, and she informs you that that son of yours has been disrespectful all day. Now, I\u2019m not remembering the gospel\u2014that I\u2019m the chief of sinners\u2014I want this to stop, because I want peace in my home. I want this to be the way that I imagined it to be, because I\u2019m tired and: \u201cI work hard for a living, and I pay for this roof over your head.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI ask my wife where that boy is. I know the answer, because we know he\u2019s upstairs in the bedroom because that\u2019s where he\u2019s been sent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m charging up the stairs, and I\u2019m maybe taking off my belt on the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStop! Freeze frame! \u201cI want this interaction to result with my son loving Jesus more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, walk up the stairs; and I think the scene is going to be different. It could look like this, and this might sound fantastic to you\u2014this is not a fantasy \/ this can be reality. Now, I can walk calmly into my son\u2019s room and sit him down on the bed and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHoney, I want to tell you a story about when your dad was in 5<sup>th<\/sup> grade. Your [grandma] was raising three boys by herself\u2014no help. One-bedroom apartment\u2014she slept on the couch. It was tough. You can imagine her nerves were pretty shot, and it showed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI determined, in 5<sup>th<\/sup> grade, that my mom was kind of being a nag\u2014that\u2019s what I thought. One day, when she was talking to me, I said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just shut up?!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I said to your grandmother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told your grandmother to \u201cShut up!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHoney, I\u2019m telling you that story; because I understand that\u2019s how you were talking to your mom today too. I\u2019m telling you that because I want you to know I get you \/ I understand you\u2014I\u2019ve done it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019ve got now is two sinners, sitting on a bed, who need a Savior. Why don\u2019t we pray to that Savior and then, when we\u2019re done, you go talk to your mom; huh? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> a different interaction. It is not simply to control and to use a more forceful voice, or a severe word, or a stern hand. It\u2019s bringing in the gospel. It\u2019s demonstrating: \u201cI\u2019m a sinner just like my son is. We go to the cross together; and then, he\u2019s led to hopefully go and do what is right.\u201d That is a reset that we need, and it is <em>very<\/em> challenging to remember that\u2014very challenging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, one night, I came home. I must have been in a super good mood because I announced to the family, \u201cWho wants to go for yogurt?\u201d I had two takers\u2014I\u2019m not going to use names, but let\u2019s just say it was a daughter and a son. One of those children decided he didn\u2019t want the other child to go with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what did he do to her?\u2014push the button \/ he knows what to do\u2014he knows that, if he just does that \/ says that, she\u2019ll not want to go and then he can go be alone with Dad. He sins against her. She responds and says, \u201cI\u2019m not going with that little brat!\u201d So, what do you have here? He sins against her; she sins in response to his sin. I enter into the fray; and I announce, \u201cWell I\u2019m not going with either one of you!\u201d\u2014brilliant!\u2014brilliant! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nobody\u2019s going for yogurt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> So now, my daughter, with a crushed look on her face\u2014I don\u2019t think it was sinful; it was just a broken-hearted look\u2014looked at me and said, \u201cNice gospel-centered parenting, Dad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oooh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Ah\u2014crush; she was exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I tell you\u2014God gave me grace in the moment \/ He allowed me to collect myself. I did something pretty radical. This was only by God\u2019s power and grace. I said: \u201cHoney, you\u2019re exactly right. Your daddy was wrong. I sinned against you, and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, men, think, \u201cWell, that is going to lose you authority and power.\u201d I\u2019m telling you\u2014her face was like a sunflower: \u201cI love you, Daddy.\u201d We do not lose power when we humble ourselves. We look more like Jesus; and that\u2019s very, very attractive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things you talk about in your book is an interesting concept, but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever heard a parent compared to\u2014and that\u2019s a turkey vulture. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You got them here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, do we have them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Okay; on a scale of 1-10 on the pretty scale, how pretty are those birds?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re a 1; they\u2019re ugly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> They are the ugliest birds. So, okay; my imagination\u2014I\u2019ve got free time. I always try to imagine one turkey vulture talking to another turkey vulture and telling the other turkey vulture how ugly he is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYes; you think I\u2019m disgusting. You\u2019re revolting.\u201d \u201cWell, you\u2019re\u2026\u201d You go, \u201cYou\u2019re both ugly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s what our attitude <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> be. They\u2019re forgetting they\u2019re turkey vultures. I forget that I\u2019m a really bad sinner. I look at some of my kid\u2019s sin and I say things like, \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?!\u201d Well, what\u2019s the matter with them is they\u2019re a sinner, just like I am. Now, when I forget that I\u2019m a turkey vulture\u2014I get offended; I get annoyed; I get condescending; I return sin for sin. I\u2019m worse than a turkey vulture; when I forget that, that\u2019s when the fireworks start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You should have called this <em>You\u2019re Worse than a Turkey Vulture<\/em>. That would have sold\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> It was on the list\u2014it just didn\u2019t make the top cut. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Todd, we\u2019ve found\u2014Bob and I\u2019ve found fresh ways of offending guests, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. [Laughter] You\u2019ve found a fresh way to offend listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the whole audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You just called the whole audience a bunch of turkey vultures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; I said we\u2019re worse than turkey vultures. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Excuse me; excuse me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> But that\u2019s what the gospel tells\u2014we\u2019re so bad we needed God to die for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnless we hear the nails of Jesus rattling in our pockets, we forget that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this is helpful too\u2014when you remember you\u2019re a turkey vulture\u2014when somebody sins against you, you stop, and you think: \u201cWhile that person did sin against me, it is only a fraction of the sins I\u2019ve committed against my God. They offended\u2014they were angry \/ they were selfish. My sins killed Jesus.\u201d That perspective changes my heart and it provides me with the resource I need to actually forgive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what we say to our kids: \u201cSay you\u2019re sorry and mean it!\u201d and \u201cYou say\u2026\u201d\u2014there needs to be a genuine transaction that takes place. Unless I\u2019m remembering that my sins put the Savior on the cross, I\u2019m going to be mad; because I think they deserve it, and I don\u2019t see myself as a worse sinner than them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our listeners have heard me share this before; but we had a guest here, who said something that was profoundly reshaping for the way I think about parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cMost Christian parents are teaching their kids to be sin avoiders and sin concealers: \u2018Don\u2019t do that; and if you do, you\u2019re going to be in big trouble.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo \u2018If I find out about it, you\u2019re in trouble.\u2019\u201d He said what we\u2019re not teaching our kids is how to be sin confessors and sin repenters\u2014that\u2019s where we have to start. The way you teach them that is by letting them see <em>you<\/em> confess and repent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> But this is an absolute game changer. I want mom to imagine herself in the kitchen. She\u2019s trying to get ready for dinner; and off in the distance, she hears World \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWar III breaking out. Now, if she\u2019s just focused on self-behavioral modification\u2014having a peaceful home\u2014she\u2019s going to be frustrated \/ she\u2019s going to yell at the kids. She might ground them or do some sort of punitive action to get them to behave. But if she stops and goes: \u201cWait a second; they\u2019re sinning in there. I\u2019m on a rescue mission.\u201d Now, she can enter into it, trying to lead them to the cross \/ to the Savior\u2019s feet and not to her feet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m telling you, from experience, this is a game changer. If your home is\u2014you\u2019re thinking it\u2019s too far gone. I\u2019m telling you\u2014it is not. If you start apologizing today, the temperature in your home\u2014it will change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what you\u2019re talking about Todd, in your book\u2014I just want to remind parents of something you said earlier in the broadcast\u2014but again, you mention, repeatedly, in your book, <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>\u2014and that is, as you move toward discipline of your children, think about discipling your children and exhorting them to fall more in love with Christ\u2014and deal with their stuff and deal with their brother or sister as Jesus Christ would call them to do. I think that\u2019s a great question for every parent, as he has his or her moments in being frustrated with his kids: \u201cIs my response\u2014is it really going to help my kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I know a young lady who got saved when her dad was spanking her, because dad wasn\u2019t flying out of anger \/ he wasn\u2019t out of control. Remember\u2014we never punish our children for their sins. Why?\u2014because Jesus was punished for their sins. When we punish them for their sins, we\u2019re confusing the gospel. Instead, we\u2019re discipling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this fellow explained: \u201cHoney, this is how the universe works. God is holy, and He is just and perfect. And when we sin against Him, His justice demands that there\u2019s a consequence. And that consequence is hell and it\u2019s painful and it\u2019s horrible. Now, I\u2019m going to spank you; because I want you to understand the pain of the consequences that you can experience if you don\u2019t have a Savior.\u201d He did that, and she got it. She understood it, and she got saved. And she would tell you to this day \u201cIt was a spanking that led her to Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Discipline and disciple are the same root word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we need to keep that in mind, as parents. When we\u2019re disciplining, we\u2019re discipling and if your discipline is not discipleship, something is wrong with your disciplining. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is one of the themes that is addressed in the new video series that FamilyLife has put together called <em>FamilyLife\u2019s<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>. It\u2019s an eight-session video series that addresses the core issues that we need to be focusing on, as parents. It\u2019s coming out in May. I just want to remind listeners\u2014this is something you can go through with a small \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tgroup \/ something you can go through on your own, online. You can find out more about <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014in fact, we\u2019ve got a short video trailer if you\u2019d like to see what the series looks like. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also get a copy of Todd Friel\u2019s book, <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is a great book for moms and dads to read through together: <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to get a copy of Todd\u2019s book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we have plans to kick off FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series with a feature film that we have put together, along with help from our friends, Alex and Stephen Kendrick. In fact, Alex Kendrick has a role in this film. The movie is called <em>Like Arrows.<\/em> It\u2019s going to be in theaters for two nights only \/ two showings only, May 1<sup>st<\/sup> and May 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. We\u2019re hoping our listeners will plan now\u2014you can buy tickets, now, to join us on one of those two nights for the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. Again, there\u2019s a trailer for <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, the movie, on our website at FamilyLIfeToday.com as well\u2014you can check that out. You can find a list of theaters where the movie is going to be showing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re using the movie to help introduce people to <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series. Our hope is \/ our prayer is we\u2019ll be able to get this <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> content into the hearts and the hands of people who aren\u2019t currently listening to FamilyLife Today or going to church\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014people who are raising the next generation and would be open to hearing about God\u2019s design for parenting. We think there are a lot of folks who fit that description. We want to reach them with practical content that will expose them to the gospel and help them understand God\u2019s design for parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve calculated that it\u2019s going to take about $10 per home to get this material into the hands of those folks. We\u2019re asking our listeners to join us in this effort. Our goal, over the next three years, is to try and get this content to a million people in the top three languages of the world\u2014in Mandarin, Spanish, and in English. Would you consider making a donation, so that others can hear about God\u2019s design for parenting? Go to FamilyLIfeToday.com and donate, online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, we want to send you, as a thank you, seven prayer cards, each one highlighting a different character quality that you can be praying for your children or your grandchildren. Those cards are our gift to you when you donate today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about how we keep our kids from backsliding. Our guest is Todd Friel. He\u2019ll be with us again tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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Friel encourages parents to look beyond behavior modification when disciplining our kids; reminding us that we're all sinners, even parents, so we shouldn't be shocked when kids don't behave.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-03-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of homes today where the message of the gospel is affirmed\u2014even believed. But Todd Friel says there are homes where it\u2019s just not lived out, including his own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> The gospel is basically two messages\u2014n<a id=\"_Hlk507503532\">umber one: \u201cI\u2019m a bad sinner,\u201d \/ number two: \u201cJesus is an amazing Savior.\u201d Here\u2019s the problem in my home\u2014I keep forgetting the first message of the gospel. I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the chief of sinners; I think I\u2019m better than everybody. So, when King Todd walks in the door, if everything isn\u2019t the way that I\u2019ve deemed it should be, I get mad at the serfs because they are not doing what royalty demands; and so, I get mad. I go to war because I don\u2019t get what I want\u2014because I think I\u2019m superior.<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, March 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What happens in a home when the gospel is professed and believed but it\u2019s infrequently lived out? We\u2019re going to talk about that today with our guest, Todd Friel. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m glad we\u2019ve got a former backslider in the room with us; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I am. He joins two others. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You too?! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sure. That\u2019s Todd Friel who joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes sir. I\u2019m shocked that I\u2019m back! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a close vote.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> The other guy cancelled\u2014I got it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. Talk to us about where the passion for this book came from; because you speak to a lot of college kids, or have over the years, and you\u2019re seeing something that is troubling to you that, ultimately, caused you to kind of double down on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes. Well, first of all, the reason I wrote a parenting book is\u2014I don\u2019t know if you realize this, gentlemen, but I\u2019m a perfect parent; and I just wanted to let everybody\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014yes; that\u2019s exactly the opposite of the truth. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I\u2019ve made a <em>million<\/em> mistakes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat kind of ignited the fuse for this is going out to university campuses\u2014we talk to kids \/ we witness to kids, regularly, on TV and radio, <em>live<\/em>\u2014you can actually see it happening so that you can learn, perhaps, how to or how not to witness to somebody. Being in the Bible belt, I thought all of these kids would be theologically astute and they could spew the Westminster Catechism and Bible. Well, I discovered it\u2019s not the case. In fact, recently interviewed 36 kids for a TV series we did\u2014all of whom professed to be Christians\u201434 were <em>incapable<\/em> of defining the gospel\u20142 kids could \/ 34 did not know the very basics of the faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started asking questions: \u201cWhat went wrong here?\u201d and they started answering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started to hear themes. I compiled them, and I put them in a book called <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if they couldn\u2019t articulate the gospel, when you said, \u201cWhat\u2019s the gospel?\u201d what did they tell you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> They would say, \u201cThat\u2019s Matthew,\u201d \u201c\u2026Mark.\u201d They would start to talk about the Gospels.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Some would just flat out say, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, it wasn\u2019t like they were saying, \u201cIt\u2019s when you invite Jesus into your heart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; they wouldn\u2019t even get that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> \u2014because I would ask them: \u201cWhat is the gospel?\u201d They couldn\u2019t come up with a definition. Then it would get even <em>worse<\/em>\u2014I would say: \u201cOkay; let me try to just launch you into this. You\u2019re a really bad sinner, who\u2019s under the condemnation of Almighty God; but what\u2019s the <em>good news<\/em>?\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> It was shocking! I started to recognize there were patterns involved. I started to compile those\u2014wrote them down so that other parents don\u2019t become another statistic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like where you started, because you\u2019re calling parents to reset and reevaluate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> <em>Me too!<\/em> I parent like a pagan. I\u2019m a behavioral modifier: \u201cHey, clean up your room!\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t talk to your sister like that!\u201d \u201cWhat did you say?!\u201d \u201cMake sure you do the dishes!\u201d What am I doing?\u2014I\u2019m getting them to conform, but here\u2019s the problem. I become the authority in their life. But when they leave and go off to university\u2014and dad\u2019s no longer hovering, and they don\u2019t have me as the law keeper\u2014they just say, \u201cBye-bye,\u201d to Christianity. They do whatever they want to do; because I\u2019ve made <em>myself<\/em> the authority, and I haven\u2019t parented like a Christian. <em>That<\/em> is painful to recognize that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, what\u2019s the most important thing a parent needs to do? Maybe it\u2019s <em>know and do<\/em>, as they reset their parenting style.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> There are a lot of things, but let me just say that it all falls underneath one word: gospel. I know we\u2019ve all heard ten million sermons about: \u201cPreach the gospel to yourself every day,\u201d \/ \u201cThink about the gospel.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright; let\u2019s just take a look\u2014say, \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gospel is basically two messages\u2014number one: \u201cI\u2019m a bad sinner\u201d \/ number two: \u201cJesus is an amazing Savior.\u201d Here\u2019s the problem in my home\u2014I keep forgetting the first message of the gospel. I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the chief of sinners\u2014<em>like Paul did<\/em> in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Timothy 1\u2014Paul said, \u201cI\u2019m the chief of sinners.\u201d He said, \u201c\u2026wretched man that I am.\u201d Well, I don\u2019t think I am\u2014I kind of forget that. I think I\u2019m better than everybody, so here\u2019s the problem. When King Todd walks in the door, if everything isn\u2019t the way that I\u2019ve deemed it should be, I get mad at the serfs; because they are not doing what royalty demands. I get mad \/ I go to war, as James says in James, Chapter 4, \u201cI murder because I don\u2019t get what I want,\u201d\u2014because I think I\u2019m superior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s an illustration. Can you think of somebody that you <em>really<\/em> honor?\u2014somebody that you really, really like that you\u2019d love to have stay at your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019d love to have John Piper spend the night at my house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> John Piper is now coming to Bob Lepine\u2019s house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> What an honor. He\u2019s sleeping in the guest room. You get up early\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; he\u2019s sleeping in the master bedroom. I\u2019m going to the guest room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You know what? You make my point even more! So, he sleeps\u2014you\u2019re sleeping on the couch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You make the breakfast. You squeeze the orange juice that morning because you want to make sure the Vitamin C doesn\u2019t get lost over night. [Laughter] John Piper comes in, and he sits down at your kitchen table. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You approach him with your pitcher of orange juice; and in the process, you accidently kick John Piper\u2019s foot. Bob, what would you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019d be horrified! I\u2019d drop the orange juice\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You better: \"I\u2019m so sorry, Dr. Piper. Please forgive me! God wasn\u2019t glorified when I kicked you in the foot.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You\u2019d be [stuttering], \u201cOh\u2026\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; now, imagine you walk around to the other side of the table; and there sits your teenager, and you kick his foot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd: <\/strong>How do you respond now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cGet your foot out of the way!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Exactly! \u201cCome on, size 14! Let\u2019s pull those clodhoppers in.\u201d Now, what\u2019s the difference?\u2014what happened in this scenario? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere it is\u2014and this is going to hurt a little bit. I was esteeming John Piper as better than myself, but I wasn\u2019t esteeming my son as better than myself. Philippians 2: \u201cDo not consider your own interests but esteem others as better than yourself. Have the same mind as in Christ.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> <em>Especially <\/em>my kids. I need to <em>show them<\/em> that I remember the gospel. I think that\u2019s perhaps\u2014you asked the question, Dennis, \u201cWhat\u2019s the biggie?\u201d I think the biggie is we don\u2019t show our kids that the faith has affected us. We rarely\u2014I rarely apologize. We command them \/ we can bark at them, but we don\u2019t humble ourselves before them and show them \u201cI\u2019ve been changed by this thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was just talking to a group of younger Christian leaders in another office, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I was explaining where I felt like the leakage is, within the Christian faith, with the next generation of young people coming up and why they\u2019re leaving the faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s the very thing you\u2019re talking about. I told them\u2014I said: \u201cI think what\u2019s happening, within the Christian community\u2014there is a divorce between 11:00 on Sunday morning and 12:00\u2014that period of time, right there, where we go to church\u2014and the rest of the hours in the week. There\u2019s a divorce between the spiritual truth that is proclaimed and the reality of how people live.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean you have to be perfect. It just means you have to show you\u2019re in process \/ that you\u2019re engaging God; and He\u2019s at work in you and through you, accomplishing what He wants to accomplish. I told those guys\u2014I said, \u201cActs 13:36 is one of the most impressive verses in the Bible, for me, because it says about David: \u2018After he had served the purposes of God in his generation, he slept.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cI know of no more electrifying idea than to be in a relationship with Almighty God and to be tied into what He wants to accomplish in this generation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think if you live that out\u2014again, you don\u2019t have to do it perfectly\u2014but if you\u2019re just plodding along, and you\u2019re not quitting, your kids are going to get the message that there is a God: \u201cHe\u2019s at work in Mom\u2019s life,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s doing something in Dad\u2019s life. I don\u2019t quite understand this, but I like\u2014I like the product. I like what I\u2019m seeing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Todd, I\u2019ve been going around, interviewing people for <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2122 video series that we\u2019re getting ready to release. One of the people we interviewed is Jessica Thompson; she\u2019s an author and a speaker. One of the statements she made is\u2014she said, \u201cOn repeat, in our house, from parents to their kids is: \u201cI\u2019m a sinner just like you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost of us, as parents\u2014when I was raising my kids, my thought was: \u201cI\u2019ve got to be a model of righteousness. So \u2018I\u2019m a sinner just like you,\u2019 does not sound like a model of righteousness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to keep the sinful side concealed from my kids,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cI need to be a living example of who Jesus is so that they will follow my example.\u201d I never said, \u201cI\u2019m a sinner just like you,\u201d to my kids when I was raising them; and that\u2019s part of the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes; here\u2019s the funny part too. You thought you were concealing your sinful side\u2014[Laughter]\u2014like they didn\u2019t know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> As if you would say to them, \u201cHey kids, did you know that your dad was a sinner?\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t say, Pop! [Laughter] Thanks for the news flash.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; let me just amp this up even more; alright? I\u2019m going to make a provocative statement. When your child sins\u2014because your child is never going to be naughty in the future\u2014right?\u2014your child is never naughty again. Your child is a sinner\u2014that\u2019s different. Because if I just see a naughty child, I\u2019m going to correct the behavior. But if I see a sinner, I\u2019m on a rescue mission. If your engagement with your child does not end with your child loving Jesus more, then you\u2019ve biffed it as a Christian parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Now, let\u2019s apply that; and I suspect this scenario will resonate. You come home. You can smell the food that\u2019s cooking on the stove\u2014your favorite meal. Your wife has everything under control. The kids are going to line up: \u201cFather, we\u2019re so glad that you\u2019ve finally made an appearance. [Laughter] We\u2019ve been expectant\u2014waiting all day for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut instead you walk in and you hear: \u201cShut up!\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a moron!\u201d \u201cKnock it off!\u201d\u2014it\u2019s complete chaos. The first person who greets you is your wife, and she doesn\u2019t look happy. She\u2019s got the look, and she informs you that that son of yours has been disrespectful all day. Now, I\u2019m not remembering the gospel\u2014that I\u2019m the chief of sinners\u2014I want this to stop, because I want peace in my home. I want this to be the way that I imagined it to be, because I\u2019m tired and: \u201cI work hard for a living, and I pay for this roof over your head.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI ask my wife where that boy is. I know the answer, because we know he\u2019s upstairs in the bedroom because that\u2019s where he\u2019s been sent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m charging up the stairs, and I\u2019m maybe taking off my belt on the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStop! Freeze frame! \u201cI want this interaction to result with my son loving Jesus more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, walk up the stairs; and I think the scene is going to be different. It could look like this, and this might sound fantastic to you\u2014this is not a fantasy \/ this can be reality. Now, I can walk calmly into my son\u2019s room and sit him down on the bed and say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHoney, I want to tell you a story about when your dad was in 5<sup>th<\/sup> grade. Your [grandma] was raising three boys by herself\u2014no help. One-bedroom apartment\u2014she slept on the couch. It was tough. You can imagine her nerves were pretty shot, and it showed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI determined, in 5<sup>th<\/sup> grade, that my mom was kind of being a nag\u2014that\u2019s what I thought. One day, when she was talking to me, I said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just shut up?!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I said to your grandmother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told your grandmother to \u201cShut up!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHoney, I\u2019m telling you that story; because I understand that\u2019s how you were talking to your mom today too. I\u2019m telling you that because I want you to know I get you \/ I understand you\u2014I\u2019ve done it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019ve got now is two sinners, sitting on a bed, who need a Savior. Why don\u2019t we pray to that Savior and then, when we\u2019re done, you go talk to your mom; huh? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> a different interaction. It is not simply to control and to use a more forceful voice, or a severe word, or a stern hand. It\u2019s bringing in the gospel. It\u2019s demonstrating: \u201cI\u2019m a sinner just like my son is. We go to the cross together; and then, he\u2019s led to hopefully go and do what is right.\u201d That is a reset that we need, and it is <em>very<\/em> challenging to remember that\u2014very challenging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, one night, I came home. I must have been in a super good mood because I announced to the family, \u201cWho wants to go for yogurt?\u201d I had two takers\u2014I\u2019m not going to use names, but let\u2019s just say it was a daughter and a son. One of those children decided he didn\u2019t want the other child to go with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what did he do to her?\u2014push the button \/ he knows what to do\u2014he knows that, if he just does that \/ says that, she\u2019ll not want to go and then he can go be alone with Dad. He sins against her. She responds and says, \u201cI\u2019m not going with that little brat!\u201d So, what do you have here? He sins against her; she sins in response to his sin. I enter into the fray; and I announce, \u201cWell I\u2019m not going with either one of you!\u201d\u2014brilliant!\u2014brilliant! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nobody\u2019s going for yogurt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> So now, my daughter, with a crushed look on her face\u2014I don\u2019t think it was sinful; it was just a broken-hearted look\u2014looked at me and said, \u201cNice gospel-centered parenting, Dad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oooh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Ah\u2014crush; she was exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I tell you\u2014God gave me grace in the moment \/ He allowed me to collect myself. I did something pretty radical. This was only by God\u2019s power and grace. I said: \u201cHoney, you\u2019re exactly right. Your daddy was wrong. I sinned against you, and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, men, think, \u201cWell, that is going to lose you authority and power.\u201d I\u2019m telling you\u2014her face was like a sunflower: \u201cI love you, Daddy.\u201d We do not lose power when we humble ourselves. We look more like Jesus; and that\u2019s very, very attractive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things you talk about in your book is an interesting concept, but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever heard a parent compared to\u2014and that\u2019s a turkey vulture. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> You got them here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, do we have them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Okay; on a scale of 1-10 on the pretty scale, how pretty are those birds?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re a 1; they\u2019re ugly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> They are the ugliest birds. So, okay; my imagination\u2014I\u2019ve got free time. I always try to imagine one turkey vulture talking to another turkey vulture and telling the other turkey vulture how ugly he is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYes; you think I\u2019m disgusting. You\u2019re revolting.\u201d \u201cWell, you\u2019re\u2026\u201d You go, \u201cYou\u2019re both ugly.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s what our attitude <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> be. They\u2019re forgetting they\u2019re turkey vultures. I forget that I\u2019m a really bad sinner. I look at some of my kid\u2019s sin and I say things like, \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?!\u201d Well, what\u2019s the matter with them is they\u2019re a sinner, just like I am. Now, when I forget that I\u2019m a turkey vulture\u2014I get offended; I get annoyed; I get condescending; I return sin for sin. I\u2019m worse than a turkey vulture; when I forget that, that\u2019s when the fireworks start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You should have called this <em>You\u2019re Worse than a Turkey Vulture<\/em>. That would have sold\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> It was on the list\u2014it just didn\u2019t make the top cut. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Todd, we\u2019ve found\u2014Bob and I\u2019ve found fresh ways of offending guests, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. [Laughter] You\u2019ve found a fresh way to offend listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the whole audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You just called the whole audience a bunch of turkey vultures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> No; I said we\u2019re worse than turkey vultures. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Excuse me; excuse me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> But that\u2019s what the gospel tells\u2014we\u2019re so bad we needed God to die for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnless we hear the nails of Jesus rattling in our pockets, we forget that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this is helpful too\u2014when you remember you\u2019re a turkey vulture\u2014when somebody sins against you, you stop, and you think: \u201cWhile that person did sin against me, it is only a fraction of the sins I\u2019ve committed against my God. They offended\u2014they were angry \/ they were selfish. My sins killed Jesus.\u201d That perspective changes my heart and it provides me with the resource I need to actually forgive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what we say to our kids: \u201cSay you\u2019re sorry and mean it!\u201d and \u201cYou say\u2026\u201d\u2014there needs to be a genuine transaction that takes place. Unless I\u2019m remembering that my sins put the Savior on the cross, I\u2019m going to be mad; because I think they deserve it, and I don\u2019t see myself as a worse sinner than them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our listeners have heard me share this before; but we had a guest here, who said something that was profoundly reshaping for the way I think about parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cMost Christian parents are teaching their kids to be sin avoiders and sin concealers: \u2018Don\u2019t do that; and if you do, you\u2019re going to be in big trouble.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo \u2018If I find out about it, you\u2019re in trouble.\u2019\u201d He said what we\u2019re not teaching our kids is how to be sin confessors and sin repenters\u2014that\u2019s where we have to start. The way you teach them that is by letting them see <em>you<\/em> confess and repent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> But this is an absolute game changer. I want mom to imagine herself in the kitchen. She\u2019s trying to get ready for dinner; and off in the distance, she hears World \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWar III breaking out. Now, if she\u2019s just focused on self-behavioral modification\u2014having a peaceful home\u2014she\u2019s going to be frustrated \/ she\u2019s going to yell at the kids. She might ground them or do some sort of punitive action to get them to behave. But if she stops and goes: \u201cWait a second; they\u2019re sinning in there. I\u2019m on a rescue mission.\u201d Now, she can enter into it, trying to lead them to the cross \/ to the Savior\u2019s feet and not to her feet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m telling you, from experience, this is a game changer. If your home is\u2014you\u2019re thinking it\u2019s too far gone. I\u2019m telling you\u2014it is not. If you start apologizing today, the temperature in your home\u2014it will change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what you\u2019re talking about Todd, in your book\u2014I just want to remind parents of something you said earlier in the broadcast\u2014but again, you mention, repeatedly, in your book, <em>Reset for Parents<\/em>\u2014and that is, as you move toward discipline of your children, think about discipling your children and exhorting them to fall more in love with Christ\u2014and deal with their stuff and deal with their brother or sister as Jesus Christ would call them to do. I think that\u2019s a great question for every parent, as he has his or her moments in being frustrated with his kids: \u201cIs my response\u2014is it really going to help my kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> I know a young lady who got saved when her dad was spanking her, because dad wasn\u2019t flying out of anger \/ he wasn\u2019t out of control. Remember\u2014we never punish our children for their sins. Why?\u2014because Jesus was punished for their sins. When we punish them for their sins, we\u2019re confusing the gospel. Instead, we\u2019re discipling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this fellow explained: \u201cHoney, this is how the universe works. God is holy, and He is just and perfect. And when we sin against Him, His justice demands that there\u2019s a consequence. And that consequence is hell and it\u2019s painful and it\u2019s horrible. Now, I\u2019m going to spank you; because I want you to understand the pain of the consequences that you can experience if you don\u2019t have a Savior.\u201d He did that, and she got it. She understood it, and she got saved. And she would tell you to this day \u201cIt was a spanking that led her to Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Discipline and disciple are the same root word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we need to keep that in mind, as parents. When we\u2019re disciplining, we\u2019re discipling and if your discipline is not discipleship, something is wrong with your disciplining. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is one of the themes that is addressed in the new video series that FamilyLife has put together called <em>FamilyLife\u2019s<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>. It\u2019s an eight-session video series that addresses the core issues that we need to be focusing on, as parents. It\u2019s coming out in May. I just want to remind listeners\u2014this is something you can go through with a small \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tgroup \/ something you can go through on your own, online. You can find out more about <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014in fact, we\u2019ve got a short video trailer if you\u2019d like to see what the series looks like. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also get a copy of Todd Friel\u2019s book, <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is a great book for moms and dads to read through together: <em>Reset for Parents: How to Keep Your Kids from Backsliding<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to get a copy of Todd\u2019s book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we have plans to kick off FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series with a feature film that we have put together, along with help from our friends, Alex and Stephen Kendrick. In fact, Alex Kendrick has a role in this film. The movie is called <em>Like Arrows.<\/em> It\u2019s going to be in theaters for two nights only \/ two showings only, May 1<sup>st<\/sup> and May 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. We\u2019re hoping our listeners will plan now\u2014you can buy tickets, now, to join us on one of those two nights for the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. Again, there\u2019s a trailer for <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, the movie, on our website at FamilyLIfeToday.com as well\u2014you can check that out. You can find a list of theaters where the movie is going to be showing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re using the movie to help introduce people to <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series. Our hope is \/ our prayer is we\u2019ll be able to get this <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> content into the hearts and the hands of people who aren\u2019t currently listening to FamilyLife Today or going to church\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014people who are raising the next generation and would be open to hearing about God\u2019s design for parenting. We think there are a lot of folks who fit that description. We want to reach them with practical content that will expose them to the gospel and help them understand God\u2019s design for parenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve calculated that it\u2019s going to take about $10 per home to get this material into the hands of those folks. We\u2019re asking our listeners to join us in this effort. Our goal, over the next three years, is to try and get this content to a million people in the top three languages of the world\u2014in Mandarin, Spanish, and in English. Would you consider making a donation, so that others can hear about God\u2019s design for parenting? Go to FamilyLIfeToday.com and donate, online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, we want to send you, as a thank you, seven prayer cards, each one highlighting a different character quality that you can be praying for your children or your grandchildren. Those cards are our gift to you when you donate today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about how we keep our kids from backsliding. Our guest is Todd Friel. He\u2019ll be with us again tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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