{"id":300161,"date":"2018-02-28T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-02-28T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/being-his-safe-place\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:21","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:21","slug":"being-his-safe-place","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-his-safe-place\/","title":{"rendered":"Being His Safe Place"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Victoria Newman, a policeman&#8217;s wife now for three decades, tells wives what they can do to encourage, love and support their first responder husband.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-28.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:06","filesize":"23.89M","filesize_raw":"25053309","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2860,2873,2895],"tags":[4257,4258,4259,2607,4260],"podcast_series":[7195],"cwp_profile":[8816],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300161","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-military-marriage","tag-first-responder","tag-first-responder-marriage","tag-policeman","tag-stress","tag-supporting-wife","podcast_series-a-chip-on-my-shoulder","cwp_profile-victoria-newman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300161\/being-his-safe-place","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300161\/being-his-safe-place","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"EQ2ABLCtNd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-his-safe-place\/\">Being His Safe Place<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-his-safe-place\/embed\/#?secret=EQ2ABLCtNd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Being His Safe Place&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"EQ2ABLCtNd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-28.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-28.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>People in law enforcement have times when they\u2019re on duty and times when they\u2019re off duty. But Victoria Newman says, if you\u2019re married to someone in law enforcement, even when they\u2019re off duty\u2014they\u2019re never really fully off duty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> The big joke is\u2014you know, when an officer and his wife goes into a restaurant, the cop will <em>always<\/em> sit with his back against the wall; so he can see all the exits. That is something that a girlfriend or a fianc\u00e9e\u2014that\u2019s something that you\u2019re going to have to learn\u2014is that your back will always be against the exits.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Law enforcement officers go to work every day to protect and to serve their community. But what can we be doing to help protect, and serve, and care for the marriages and families of those in law enforcement? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I don\u2019t think most of us recognize that all around us every day are men and women who go to battle on our behalf\u2014in our communities \/ in our cities to protect us and to keep crime at bay. We take for granted the work that police officers do in most of our communities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I was at Five Guys<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> hamburgers the other day with Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; did you get the regular or did you get the single patty?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry; I got the double.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got the double; yes. Why are you sorry? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well [Laughter] I\u2019m paying the price; now, I have to scoot closer to the microphone. But anyway, I was there, and there was a police officer who was off duty. I thought: \u201cYou know, they\u2019ve kind of gotten a tough\u2014some tough words, here, recently in the news. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m going to go over and just thank him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI walked over to the table and I said, \u201cOfficer, I don\u2019t know what your responsibility is; but I just want to thank you for keeping me and my family safe. I appreciate you. I know you have people tell you that all the time, but I just wanted to tell you.\u201d His response was a lot like the TSA agents. I\u2019ve been on a campaign to tell TSA agents that I appreciate their work. They say they\u2019ve been spit on \/ they\u2019ve been cursed\u2014they\u2019ve been abused by the traveling public. You have to believe, Bob, that police officers, and their spouses, certainly undergo a good deal of abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m glad we\u2019re talking about this subject. We have the author of a book, <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder<\/em>\u2014that stands for California Highway Patrol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s the CHiP we\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s the CHiP we\u2019re talking about. How 2 Love Your Cop\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that is the name of the organization that Victoria Newman founded. Thank you for starting that ministry. Thank you for coming back and allowing Bob and me to pound you with questions. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. I\u2019m so honored to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s really a privilege to have you and to hear of your ministry. She gives leadership to the organization that equips law enforcement officers, and families, and their spouses to thrive relationally, emotionally, and spiritually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll this week, we\u2019ve been listening to you share a great story of how God reached down and got your attention, at multiple points, as you became an officer\u2019s wife and got more than you bargained for. I\u2019ve been wanting to ask you this question, not knowing how you\u2019re going to answer it. You don\u2019t know this about me, but I have a favorite softball question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Our listeners, who are really faithful listeners\u2014the really <em>good ones<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the really <em>good<\/em> listeners. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014know what it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s this question: \u201cWhat is the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done in all your life?\u201d And courage is doing your duty\u2014you should know a little bit about this\u2014is doing your duty in the face of fear. I\u2019ve now given you a chance to \/ I\u2019ve now stalled, in other words, to give you a chance to process. [Laughter] What would you say is the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done, Victoria? And the answer is not \u201cI\u2019ve never done anything courageous,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not the answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> There\u2019s actually quite a few; because this role of mine, as the wife of a law enforcement officer, has brought out a lot of things that I didn\u2019t really have the strength to do\u2014I\u2019m stalling now too. I think the most courageous thing is to be vulnerable for other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I started out writing <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder,<\/em> we were losing a lot of our own officers in the California Highway Patrol on duty\u2014we had several in just a short period of time; but at the same time, there was also\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wait. Are you talking about quitting, or are you talking about dying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Dying; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Accidents\/shootings\u2014there\u2019s about 120 to 150 officers in America lose their lives on duty every year. It\u2019s about the same amount of suicides. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were experiencing several suicides at the same time that this was going on. It was brought to my attention because Brent\u2014he had heard one more suicide had happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt upset me\u2014I think we had lost 15 in 4 years, but it was increasing in frequency. Everybody kind of woke up and said, \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve got an issue here.\u201d This was probably back in 2006\/2007. At that point, I realized, as I did my own research, that a lot of times\u2014for the suicides that happen\u2014the last thing is a significant relationship ends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had been married, you know, 20-some odd years; and I decided that what I needed to do was to write this book. I put myself on the page\u2014I think that was pretty courageous. It was a calling\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so I didn\u2019t really <em>think<\/em> about it at the time. The story that I told the other day about the sand castle\u2014that\u2019s on the page. Our struggles and our realities went on the pages of this book. I love what I do, but it was hard. It was hard to write that book\u2014it was hard on us \/ it was hard on me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Transparency requires a level of courage, but there is blessing when you get honest; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019ve experienced that since you wrote this book\u2014blessing, not only seeing how it\u2019s helping other people\u2014but blessing in being able to confront, honestly, what\u2019s going on in your own life; and knowing how to deal with it; and God helping you through it; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Absolutely; I\u2019ve grown immensely. The courageous parts of it\u2014God\u2019s been <em>stretching<\/em> me ever since. When I wrote this book, I didn\u2019t realize how many of me were out there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I decided, at that point, to be vulnerable as well. Because the one thing about the law enforcement community is\u2014when I have been vulnerable about the struggles and the realities of this career and the relationships that surround this career, they respond in like kind. I become a safe place. So, when I meet people who have read my book, they feel like they know me and, all of a sudden, they\u2019re going to tell me their stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of these stories have been heart wrenching. I never thought that I would be walking alongside women who are being abused. I never thought that I would walk alongside women who have had affairs\u2014you know, through their husbands having an affair or they themselves have an affair. God has given me the grace, along the way, to be able to talk with these people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I\u2019m not a counselor. I\u2019m just a law enforcement wife, and we\u2019ve found things in common. That, to me, is <em>complete<\/em> blessing\u2014in the growth but also the results.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking with Victoria Newman. She\u2019s written a book called <em>The CHiP on My Shoulder: How to Love and Support Your Cop<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVictoria, what\u2019s the best and the worst of being the wife of a cop?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Oh, the best is just being part of that culture. I love the uniforms and the guns and the\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re a warrior!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> I love all this stuff! [Laughter] I love the smell of leather in the morning. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you have a gun? Do you shoot your gun?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> I don\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Really?! I\u2019m stunned!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> I have shot my husband\u2019s guns in controlled environments. I\u2019m not built for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, have you seen Brent shoot? Tell me the truth. He\u2019s been on the force now for 30 years. Is he a good shot?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Absolutely; he is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So I wouldn\u2019t want to be a bad guy around him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the best thing is being around the culture \/ being a part of the fraternity. It really is a fraternity of people who understand one another\u2019s lives in a unique way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What\u2019s the hardest part?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019d say the hardest part is the emotional toll. They\u2019re dealing with a lot of stuff. I saw it early \/ early on\u2014and we\u2019ve already talked about that\u2014that emotional toll. There are officers that will go and they\u2019re good; they\u2019re good; they\u2019re good; and then, all of a sudden, something will happen and they\u2019re not good. Things pile up on top of each other, and there\u2019s that emotional peace that is very difficult for officers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, when things aren\u2019t good in the field\u2014when they\u2019re on the streets and they run into a bad situation, immediately, they call for a backup.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I love what you\u2019ve done in your book\u2014talking about how a wife can be a backup, even when her husband isn\u2019t calling for a backup. Would you mind sharing those four ways that a wife can be a backup for her man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; now, the first thing is\u2014safe place. For an officer\u2014when he\u2019s on duty, he is hyper vigilant. He\u2019s not safe and that goes over into even when he doesn\u2019t have the uniform on. He\u2019s always hyper vigilant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Unpack that word more because I think there\u2019s a lot more behind that than Bob and I, or our listeners maybe understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He\u2019s looking around and assessing every situation he\u2019s in; isn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; he is. And head on a swivel\u2014that\u2019s one of the lines that they say. You know, they\u2019re always <em>watching<\/em> to make sure that those around him and himself are okay\u2014that everything\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe big joke is\u2014when an officer and his wife goes into a restaurant, the cop will always sit with his back against the wall; so he can see all the exits. That is something that a girlfriend or a fianc\u00e9e\u2014that\u2019s something that you\u2019re going to have to learn\u2014is that your back will <em>always<\/em> be against the exits. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was the funniest thing the other day that I saw. An officer, who was a woman\u2014she was on duty\u2014and her husband \/ you could tell he was a cop too, but he was not on duty\u2014they went to go sit down. They actually kind of looked at each other, like, \u201cOh wait, who\u2019s going to sit where?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWho gets the right seat here?\u201d Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> And she won, because she was on duty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you talk about a wife being a safe place, you\u2019re talking about her being an emotionally safe place for her husband?\u2014a physically safe place? What do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> All of the above. Emotionally; yes\u2014being able to listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen also just having a home that is peaceful. That has been something that\u2019s been very important to me\u2014is to have our home be that safe place, where Brent can come home and just relax.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, tell the truth. He\u2019s come home and told you some pretty grizzly stories. Have you had to purposely hide your shock, at times, from him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014so it doesn\u2019t run him off?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> You know, the only ones that I have to be careful about now\u2014and this is part of being a safe place\u2014is if someone does something to him. There were times where I get angry, and I\u2019ll be outward about my anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If he\u2019s treated unfairly \/ if he\u2019s not\u2014the momma bear comes out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Momma bear\u2014momma grizzly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to see that look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to see that look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No, you don\u2019t. And <em>that<\/em> is not safe for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned that; because he came home, and he had told me about something. I got very angry, and it shut him down. We talked about it later\u2014he goes: \u201cI can\u2019t deal with your emotions, because I\u2019m dealing with my own. I know you feel this way; but if you could really kind of keep that to yourself, because I can\u2019t deal with your anger and my anger at the same time.\u201d I appreciate that\u2014I\u2019m an adult \/ I can change. That is something that I am willing to do, whether I need to vent it somewhere else or my journal\u2014I do a lot of journaling\u2014but that is part of that safe place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second one is a compass. I heard an officer talk about how his wife is a compass, because she <em>knows<\/em> him. She knows who he is\u2014when he\u2019s good \/ when he\u2019s not so good. That compass\u2014knowing when you\u2019re off course. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, at home, are very good at being able to tell when something is off course; and then, respond\u2014whether it means \u201cI need help,\u201d or talking directly to him\u2014it just depends on how open that officer is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wait; you have to be shrewd about how you recalibrate the off-course person; because sometimes you can say, \u201cYou know, you\u2019re off course here,\u201d and that\u2019ll throw things even further off course. A wife or a husband, for that matter\u2014when we\u2019re dealing with one another, we\u2019ve got to have wisdom. We\u2019ve got to be prayed-up. We\u2019ve got to know how we\u2019re going to handle this; so that, as we try to gently correct the off-course party in a marriage, we do that with great care.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Last Saturday I was sitting on the couch with my compass\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with your compass?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014Barbara [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I got you. Okay; alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and my compass gently, graciously helped me understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that maybe you were a little off course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was just a little off\u2014180 degrees maybe\u2014off course. [Laughter] Anyway, she masterfully did what you just described. She did it in a way so I could hear. There is a way you can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; that leads me to the third, which is the voice. We are a voice as backup. There are some cop wives who have to find their voice. I was one of those who\u2014I grew up where conflict was a rough thing for me. I\u2019ve had to find my voice, and I\u2019ve found that. Then, there are those cop wives who have no problem voicing what they feel inside\u2014no problem telling them how off course they are. That can get pretty loud and boisterous at times. I\u2019ve seen cop wives do that, and they\u2019re very good at that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I encourage wives to do is to find your voice and use it wisely\u2014there is a way. It does require listening, and unselfishness, and maybe a little journaling or prayer before it. I mean, there are times where I couldn\u2019t speak outwardly, because it would come out really bad; but I would certainly take a piece of paper and just journal, journal, journal, journal, journal. Then you get all that goop out of the way and then you can pinpoint, \u201cOkay\u2014okay; this is the issue,\u201d and then be able to come back and say something that is constructive. I learned that on the fly in these years\u2014finding that voice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the last one is balance. For law enforcement officers\u2014they\u2019re spending eight to sixteen hours with mad, bad, and sad people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven the most wonderful people\u2014cops will see them at their worst. That tends to jade an officer\u2019s perspective on the human population. They\u2019re being lied to: \u201cPeople are awful.\u201d A wife\u2014if they\u2019re not law enforcement\u2014can let them know that not everybody is a dirt bag. There is that balance. They need <em>us<\/em>, and we need to know that there are dangers out there and be aware. I like that, as backup, we provide a different perspective that is <em>needed<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Am I hearing you say that it is common for a police officer to begin to look around at everybody and think everybody is a bad guy?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014just because that\u2019s who their seeing every day. They\u2019re driving up and down the neighborhood and thinking the worst about everybody just because of their experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; if they do not have other means of dealing with the general public, it definitely happens at some point\u2014maybe not right away\u2014but they see it all, and they hear it all; and that gets old. That kind of degrades down into, \u201cUgh; I don\u2019t believe you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I want to tell you\u2014I really appreciate your authenticity in sharing your story with us and our listeners. I\u2019ve got a couple of assignments for our listeners. First of all, if you know a cop\u2019s wife; okay?\u2014and maybe she\u2019s a cop; okay?\u2014get a copy of this book and just give it to them. Just buy it and say: \u201cYou know what? I heard this wise woman on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and I would like you to have Victoria Newman\u2019s book. I think it might be of some help,\u201d\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014then\u2014\u201cIf you\u2019d like to talk about what you\u2019re experiencing, as a cop\u2019s wife, I am a safe place. You\u2019ll understand more about that after you read the book.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And then the other thing I\u2019d encourage our listeners to do\u2014next time you\u2019re eating a hamburger at David\u2019s Burgers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or Five Guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or Five Guys\u2014[Laughter]\u2014find a cop and thank them. Don\u2019t just let them brush you off\u2014say: \u201cNo; no. I really want you to know I appreciate you. I really do. Thanks for your service on behalf of me, my wife, my family, and our community. It\u2019s a safer place because of you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for being with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The book Dennis is talking about is the book you\u2019ve written, Victoria, called <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder: How to Love Your Cop with Attitude<\/em>. You can order copies from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy. Again, our website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention\u2014give an officer you know and his wife or her husband\u2014give them a gift certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. What a great investment in their marriage, which is under a lot of stress, for the two of them to get away. Offer to watch the kids. I know we\u2019re asking for a lot, but these are folks who do a lot for us; right? Again, find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> gift cards. They\u2019re available at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us if you have any questions at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as we\u2019ve talked about struggles in marriage today and stress in families, ultimately, the only thing that is going to provide real help for couples, who are experiencing challenges\u2014ultimately, you need an encounter with the God who created marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou need to know Jesus Christ; and you need to understand God\u2019s design for life, and for marriage, and for family, and for all that we\u2019re doing here. I mean, there are strategies and techniques you can employ in a marriage that can help improve a relationship; but to achieve the kind of intimacy that marriage is designed for, you need to have a relationship with God through Christ to make that happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is not simply to help build stronger marriages and families. Our goal is to make sure that those marriages and families are anchored in what God teaches us in the Bible\u2014anchored in a relationship with God through Christ and through the gospel. We appreciate those of you who support the work we\u2019re doing. Every time you make an investment with FamilyLife, you\u2019re investing in the lives of husbands and wives \/ and moms and dads\u2014helping them come to know Christ and helping them grow spiritually in their walk with Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I was in a meeting, just the other day, Dennis, where somebody held up a jar of beads. They said, \u201cDo you know how many beads are in the jar?\u201d We took guesses and turned out there were 1,338 beads in that jar. They said: \u201cYou know why there are 1,338 beads in this jar? Because last year, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, we had 1,338 people who made a first-time profession of faith in Christ.\u201d That\u2019s what this ministry is, ultimately, all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful for those of you who invest so that husbands and wives \/ and moms and dads can hear the gospel and respond to the gospel. If you\u2019re a regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, why don\u2019t you join the mission \/ join the team and help us strengthen marriages and families and anchor people\u2019s lives and marriages in Christ? You can donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about your wedding\u2014your upcoming wedding. Are you planning a wedding for this spring or for this summer?\u2014or maybe for the fall? We\u2019d like to talk with you about how that wedding ceremony can ultimately be Christ-centered. Linda Strode and her daughter, Catherine Parks, are going to be here to help us with that. I hope you can be with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:06"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.89M"],"filesize_raw":["25053309"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300161.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300161.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Newman, a policeman's wife now for three decades, tells wives what they can do to encourage, love and support their first responder husband.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>People in law enforcement have times when they\u2019re on duty and times when they\u2019re off duty. But Victoria Newman says, if you\u2019re married to someone in law enforcement, even when they\u2019re off duty\u2014they\u2019re never really fully off duty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> The big joke is\u2014you know, when an officer and his wife goes into a restaurant, the cop will <em>always<\/em> sit with his back against the wall; so he can see all the exits. That is something that a girlfriend or a fianc\u00e9e\u2014that\u2019s something that you\u2019re going to have to learn\u2014is that your back will always be against the exits.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Law enforcement officers go to work every day to protect and to serve their community. But what can we be doing to help protect, and serve, and care for the marriages and families of those in law enforcement? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I don\u2019t think most of us recognize that all around us every day are men and women who go to battle on our behalf\u2014in our communities \/ in our cities to protect us and to keep crime at bay. We take for granted the work that police officers do in most of our communities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I was at Five Guys<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> hamburgers the other day with Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; did you get the regular or did you get the single patty?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry; I got the double.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got the double; yes. Why are you sorry? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well [Laughter] I\u2019m paying the price; now, I have to scoot closer to the microphone. But anyway, I was there, and there was a police officer who was off duty. I thought: \u201cYou know, they\u2019ve kind of gotten a tough\u2014some tough words, here, recently in the news. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m going to go over and just thank him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI walked over to the table and I said, \u201cOfficer, I don\u2019t know what your responsibility is; but I just want to thank you for keeping me and my family safe. I appreciate you. I know you have people tell you that all the time, but I just wanted to tell you.\u201d His response was a lot like the TSA agents. I\u2019ve been on a campaign to tell TSA agents that I appreciate their work. They say they\u2019ve been spit on \/ they\u2019ve been cursed\u2014they\u2019ve been abused by the traveling public. You have to believe, Bob, that police officers, and their spouses, certainly undergo a good deal of abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m glad we\u2019re talking about this subject. We have the author of a book, <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder<\/em>\u2014that stands for California Highway Patrol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s the CHiP we\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s the CHiP we\u2019re talking about. How 2 Love Your Cop\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that is the name of the organization that Victoria Newman founded. Thank you for starting that ministry. Thank you for coming back and allowing Bob and me to pound you with questions. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. I\u2019m so honored to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s really a privilege to have you and to hear of your ministry. She gives leadership to the organization that equips law enforcement officers, and families, and their spouses to thrive relationally, emotionally, and spiritually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll this week, we\u2019ve been listening to you share a great story of how God reached down and got your attention, at multiple points, as you became an officer\u2019s wife and got more than you bargained for. I\u2019ve been wanting to ask you this question, not knowing how you\u2019re going to answer it. You don\u2019t know this about me, but I have a favorite softball question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Our listeners, who are really faithful listeners\u2014the really <em>good ones<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the really <em>good<\/em> listeners. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014know what it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s this question: \u201cWhat is the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done in all your life?\u201d And courage is doing your duty\u2014you should know a little bit about this\u2014is doing your duty in the face of fear. I\u2019ve now given you a chance to \/ I\u2019ve now stalled, in other words, to give you a chance to process. [Laughter] What would you say is the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done, Victoria? And the answer is not \u201cI\u2019ve never done anything courageous,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not the answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> There\u2019s actually quite a few; because this role of mine, as the wife of a law enforcement officer, has brought out a lot of things that I didn\u2019t really have the strength to do\u2014I\u2019m stalling now too. I think the most courageous thing is to be vulnerable for other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I started out writing <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder,<\/em> we were losing a lot of our own officers in the California Highway Patrol on duty\u2014we had several in just a short period of time; but at the same time, there was also\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wait. Are you talking about quitting, or are you talking about dying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Dying; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Accidents\/shootings\u2014there\u2019s about 120 to 150 officers in America lose their lives on duty every year. It\u2019s about the same amount of suicides. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were experiencing several suicides at the same time that this was going on. It was brought to my attention because Brent\u2014he had heard one more suicide had happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt upset me\u2014I think we had lost 15 in 4 years, but it was increasing in frequency. Everybody kind of woke up and said, \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve got an issue here.\u201d This was probably back in 2006\/2007. At that point, I realized, as I did my own research, that a lot of times\u2014for the suicides that happen\u2014the last thing is a significant relationship ends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had been married, you know, 20-some odd years; and I decided that what I needed to do was to write this book. I put myself on the page\u2014I think that was pretty courageous. It was a calling\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so I didn\u2019t really <em>think<\/em> about it at the time. The story that I told the other day about the sand castle\u2014that\u2019s on the page. Our struggles and our realities went on the pages of this book. I love what I do, but it was hard. It was hard to write that book\u2014it was hard on us \/ it was hard on me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Transparency requires a level of courage, but there is blessing when you get honest; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019ve experienced that since you wrote this book\u2014blessing, not only seeing how it\u2019s helping other people\u2014but blessing in being able to confront, honestly, what\u2019s going on in your own life; and knowing how to deal with it; and God helping you through it; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Absolutely; I\u2019ve grown immensely. The courageous parts of it\u2014God\u2019s been <em>stretching<\/em> me ever since. When I wrote this book, I didn\u2019t realize how many of me were out there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I decided, at that point, to be vulnerable as well. Because the one thing about the law enforcement community is\u2014when I have been vulnerable about the struggles and the realities of this career and the relationships that surround this career, they respond in like kind. I become a safe place. So, when I meet people who have read my book, they feel like they know me and, all of a sudden, they\u2019re going to tell me their stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of these stories have been heart wrenching. I never thought that I would be walking alongside women who are being abused. I never thought that I would walk alongside women who have had affairs\u2014you know, through their husbands having an affair or they themselves have an affair. God has given me the grace, along the way, to be able to talk with these people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I\u2019m not a counselor. I\u2019m just a law enforcement wife, and we\u2019ve found things in common. That, to me, is <em>complete<\/em> blessing\u2014in the growth but also the results.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking with Victoria Newman. She\u2019s written a book called <em>The CHiP on My Shoulder: How to Love and Support Your Cop<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVictoria, what\u2019s the best and the worst of being the wife of a cop?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Oh, the best is just being part of that culture. I love the uniforms and the guns and the\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re a warrior!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> I love all this stuff! [Laughter] I love the smell of leather in the morning. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you have a gun? Do you shoot your gun?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> I don\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Really?! I\u2019m stunned!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> I have shot my husband\u2019s guns in controlled environments. I\u2019m not built for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, have you seen Brent shoot? Tell me the truth. He\u2019s been on the force now for 30 years. Is he a good shot?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Absolutely; he is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So I wouldn\u2019t want to be a bad guy around him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the best thing is being around the culture \/ being a part of the fraternity. It really is a fraternity of people who understand one another\u2019s lives in a unique way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What\u2019s the hardest part?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019d say the hardest part is the emotional toll. They\u2019re dealing with a lot of stuff. I saw it early \/ early on\u2014and we\u2019ve already talked about that\u2014that emotional toll. There are officers that will go and they\u2019re good; they\u2019re good; they\u2019re good; and then, all of a sudden, something will happen and they\u2019re not good. Things pile up on top of each other, and there\u2019s that emotional peace that is very difficult for officers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, when things aren\u2019t good in the field\u2014when they\u2019re on the streets and they run into a bad situation, immediately, they call for a backup.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I love what you\u2019ve done in your book\u2014talking about how a wife can be a backup, even when her husband isn\u2019t calling for a backup. Would you mind sharing those four ways that a wife can be a backup for her man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; now, the first thing is\u2014safe place. For an officer\u2014when he\u2019s on duty, he is hyper vigilant. He\u2019s not safe and that goes over into even when he doesn\u2019t have the uniform on. He\u2019s always hyper vigilant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Unpack that word more because I think there\u2019s a lot more behind that than Bob and I, or our listeners maybe understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He\u2019s looking around and assessing every situation he\u2019s in; isn\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; he is. And head on a swivel\u2014that\u2019s one of the lines that they say. You know, they\u2019re always <em>watching<\/em> to make sure that those around him and himself are okay\u2014that everything\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe big joke is\u2014when an officer and his wife goes into a restaurant, the cop will always sit with his back against the wall; so he can see all the exits. That is something that a girlfriend or a fianc\u00e9e\u2014that\u2019s something that you\u2019re going to have to learn\u2014is that your back will <em>always<\/em> be against the exits. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was the funniest thing the other day that I saw. An officer, who was a woman\u2014she was on duty\u2014and her husband \/ you could tell he was a cop too, but he was not on duty\u2014they went to go sit down. They actually kind of looked at each other, like, \u201cOh wait, who\u2019s going to sit where?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWho gets the right seat here?\u201d Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> And she won, because she was on duty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you talk about a wife being a safe place, you\u2019re talking about her being an emotionally safe place for her husband?\u2014a physically safe place? What do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> All of the above. Emotionally; yes\u2014being able to listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen also just having a home that is peaceful. That has been something that\u2019s been very important to me\u2014is to have our home be that safe place, where Brent can come home and just relax.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, tell the truth. He\u2019s come home and told you some pretty grizzly stories. Have you had to purposely hide your shock, at times, from him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014so it doesn\u2019t run him off?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> You know, the only ones that I have to be careful about now\u2014and this is part of being a safe place\u2014is if someone does something to him. There were times where I get angry, and I\u2019ll be outward about my anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If he\u2019s treated unfairly \/ if he\u2019s not\u2014the momma bear comes out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Momma bear\u2014momma grizzly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to see that look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to see that look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> No, you don\u2019t. And <em>that<\/em> is not safe for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned that; because he came home, and he had told me about something. I got very angry, and it shut him down. We talked about it later\u2014he goes: \u201cI can\u2019t deal with your emotions, because I\u2019m dealing with my own. I know you feel this way; but if you could really kind of keep that to yourself, because I can\u2019t deal with your anger and my anger at the same time.\u201d I appreciate that\u2014I\u2019m an adult \/ I can change. That is something that I am willing to do, whether I need to vent it somewhere else or my journal\u2014I do a lot of journaling\u2014but that is part of that safe place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second one is a compass. I heard an officer talk about how his wife is a compass, because she <em>knows<\/em> him. She knows who he is\u2014when he\u2019s good \/ when he\u2019s not so good. That compass\u2014knowing when you\u2019re off course. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, at home, are very good at being able to tell when something is off course; and then, respond\u2014whether it means \u201cI need help,\u201d or talking directly to him\u2014it just depends on how open that officer is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wait; you have to be shrewd about how you recalibrate the off-course person; because sometimes you can say, \u201cYou know, you\u2019re off course here,\u201d and that\u2019ll throw things even further off course. A wife or a husband, for that matter\u2014when we\u2019re dealing with one another, we\u2019ve got to have wisdom. We\u2019ve got to be prayed-up. We\u2019ve got to know how we\u2019re going to handle this; so that, as we try to gently correct the off-course party in a marriage, we do that with great care.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Last Saturday I was sitting on the couch with my compass\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with your compass?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014Barbara [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, I got you. Okay; alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and my compass gently, graciously helped me understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that maybe you were a little off course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was just a little off\u2014180 degrees maybe\u2014off course. [Laughter] Anyway, she masterfully did what you just described. She did it in a way so I could hear. There is a way you can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; that leads me to the third, which is the voice. We are a voice as backup. There are some cop wives who have to find their voice. I was one of those who\u2014I grew up where conflict was a rough thing for me. I\u2019ve had to find my voice, and I\u2019ve found that. Then, there are those cop wives who have no problem voicing what they feel inside\u2014no problem telling them how off course they are. That can get pretty loud and boisterous at times. I\u2019ve seen cop wives do that, and they\u2019re very good at that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I encourage wives to do is to find your voice and use it wisely\u2014there is a way. It does require listening, and unselfishness, and maybe a little journaling or prayer before it. I mean, there are times where I couldn\u2019t speak outwardly, because it would come out really bad; but I would certainly take a piece of paper and just journal, journal, journal, journal, journal. Then you get all that goop out of the way and then you can pinpoint, \u201cOkay\u2014okay; this is the issue,\u201d and then be able to come back and say something that is constructive. I learned that on the fly in these years\u2014finding that voice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the last one is balance. For law enforcement officers\u2014they\u2019re spending eight to sixteen hours with mad, bad, and sad people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven the most wonderful people\u2014cops will see them at their worst. That tends to jade an officer\u2019s perspective on the human population. They\u2019re being lied to: \u201cPeople are awful.\u201d A wife\u2014if they\u2019re not law enforcement\u2014can let them know that not everybody is a dirt bag. There is that balance. They need <em>us<\/em>, and we need to know that there are dangers out there and be aware. I like that, as backup, we provide a different perspective that is <em>needed<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Am I hearing you say that it is common for a police officer to begin to look around at everybody and think everybody is a bad guy?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014just because that\u2019s who their seeing every day. They\u2019re driving up and down the neighborhood and thinking the worst about everybody just because of their experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Yes; if they do not have other means of dealing with the general public, it definitely happens at some point\u2014maybe not right away\u2014but they see it all, and they hear it all; and that gets old. That kind of degrades down into, \u201cUgh; I don\u2019t believe you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I want to tell you\u2014I really appreciate your authenticity in sharing your story with us and our listeners. I\u2019ve got a couple of assignments for our listeners. First of all, if you know a cop\u2019s wife; okay?\u2014and maybe she\u2019s a cop; okay?\u2014get a copy of this book and just give it to them. Just buy it and say: \u201cYou know what? I heard this wise woman on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and I would like you to have Victoria Newman\u2019s book. I think it might be of some help,\u201d\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014then\u2014\u201cIf you\u2019d like to talk about what you\u2019re experiencing, as a cop\u2019s wife, I am a safe place. You\u2019ll understand more about that after you read the book.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And then the other thing I\u2019d encourage our listeners to do\u2014next time you\u2019re eating a hamburger at David\u2019s Burgers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or Five Guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or Five Guys\u2014[Laughter]\u2014find a cop and thank them. Don\u2019t just let them brush you off\u2014say: \u201cNo; no. I really want you to know I appreciate you. I really do. Thanks for your service on behalf of me, my wife, my family, and our community. It\u2019s a safer place because of you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for being with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The book Dennis is talking about is the book you\u2019ve written, Victoria, called <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder: How to Love Your Cop with Attitude<\/em>. You can order copies from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy. Again, our website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention\u2014give an officer you know and his wife or her husband\u2014give them a gift certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. What a great investment in their marriage, which is under a lot of stress, for the two of them to get away. Offer to watch the kids. I know we\u2019re asking for a lot, but these are folks who do a lot for us; right? Again, find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> gift cards. They\u2019re available at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us if you have any questions at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as we\u2019ve talked about struggles in marriage today and stress in families, ultimately, the only thing that is going to provide real help for couples, who are experiencing challenges\u2014ultimately, you need an encounter with the God who created marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou need to know Jesus Christ; and you need to understand God\u2019s design for life, and for marriage, and for family, and for all that we\u2019re doing here. I mean, there are strategies and techniques you can employ in a marriage that can help improve a relationship; but to achieve the kind of intimacy that marriage is designed for, you need to have a relationship with God through Christ to make that happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is not simply to help build stronger marriages and families. Our goal is to make sure that those marriages and families are anchored in what God teaches us in the Bible\u2014anchored in a relationship with God through Christ and through the gospel. We appreciate those of you who support the work we\u2019re doing. Every time you make an investment with FamilyLife, you\u2019re investing in the lives of husbands and wives \/ and moms and dads\u2014helping them come to know Christ and helping them grow spiritually in their walk with Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I was in a meeting, just the other day, Dennis, where somebody held up a jar of beads. They said, \u201cDo you know how many beads are in the jar?\u201d We took guesses and turned out there were 1,338 beads in that jar. They said: \u201cYou know why there are 1,338 beads in this jar? Because last year, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, we had 1,338 people who made a first-time profession of faith in Christ.\u201d That\u2019s what this ministry is, ultimately, all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful for those of you who invest so that husbands and wives \/ and moms and dads can hear the gospel and respond to the gospel. If you\u2019re a regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, why don\u2019t you join the mission \/ join the team and help us strengthen marriages and families and anchor people\u2019s lives and marriages in Christ? You can donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about your wedding\u2014your upcoming wedding. Are you planning a wedding for this spring or for this summer?\u2014or maybe for the fall? We\u2019d like to talk with you about how that wedding ceremony can ultimately be Christ-centered. Linda Strode and her daughter, Catherine Parks, are going to be here to help us with that. I hope you can be with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300161"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300161"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300161"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300161"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}