{"id":300159,"date":"2018-02-27T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-02-27T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/high-stress-marriage\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:20","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:20","slug":"high-stress-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/high-stress-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"High Stress Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Victoria Newman | Series: A CHiP on my Shoulder | What is it like to be married to a man who is needed by so many people at all hours? Victoria Newman knows. She&#8217;s married to Brent, a policeman for 30 years, and is author of the book, &#8220;A CHiP on My Shoulder.&#8221; Newman talks honestly about the stresses that can invade a first responder&#8217;s marriage, and opens up about the circumstances in her own marriage that had her considering divorce until God intervened.Show Notes &#038; ResourcesHow2LoveYourCop.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Victoria Newman talks about the stresses that can invade a first responder&#8217;s marriage, and opens up about the circumstances in her own marriage that had her considering divorce until God intervened.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-27.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:26","filesize":"29.69M","filesize_raw":"31134766","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2860,2873,2895],"tags":[4257,4258,4259,2607],"podcast_series":[7195],"cwp_profile":[8816],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300159","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-military-marriage","tag-first-responder","tag-first-responder-marriage","tag-policeman","tag-stress","podcast_series-a-chip-on-my-shoulder","cwp_profile-victoria-newman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300159\/high-stress-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300159\/high-stress-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"uq28MwXDGk\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/high-stress-marriage\/\">High Stress Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/high-stress-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=uq28MwXDGk\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;High Stress Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"uq28MwXDGk\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>After more than a decade of being married to a highway patrolman, Victoria Newman was tired\u2014tired of the lifestyle \/ tired of her marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>He was a captain at that point. We\u2019d been married for a long time; the kids were teenagers. He was at the Academy, where he was the commander of the Academy. And we were tired; we were very tired\u2014things had gotten very <em>rough<\/em>. I saw him isolate, because he was under a <em>lot<\/em> of pressure. I started thinking about <em>me<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. In law enforcement, the divorce statistics are much higher than they are in the general population. How does somebody beat those odds? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk about that today with our guest, Victoria Newman. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking about marriage\u2014when things are high stress. I\u2019m just thinking we should have Barbara in here and interview her about the high stress that she\u2019s been under for decades now, married to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; it\u2019s no big deal. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh; it\u2019s easy? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I chill out. I chill out!\u2014[Laughter]\u2014hit the pause button.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s book a session with Barbara, and let\u2019s find out if that\u2019s true; okay? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; on weekends. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Victoria Newman joins us. \u201cHow to live with a high-stress cop\u201d; right?\u2014no; that\u2019s not it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; basically; yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s not it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Actually, your website\u2014what\u2019s the organization you started?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>How to Love Your Cop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How to Love Your Cop. Folks, we have a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com if folks want to go to your website and see the work you\u2019re doing, because your heart\/your desire is to really help the spouses of law enforcement people and the law enforcement officers themselves\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and their families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014know how to do marriage and family in a healthy way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ve written a book called <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder<\/em>. Your husband is a California highway patrol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s the CHiP reference; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s the CHiP reference in case our audience missed it, because I read the title of the book the first time and I didn\u2019t get it the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m going, \u201cThey failed to capitalize the \u2018i.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] <em>How to Love and Support Your Cop<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour marriage started with a real eye-opener. First year, you thought it was going to be a piece of cake to be a cop\u2019s wife; but he started bringing home his junk. In fact, he would undoubtedly come home in some interesting moods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Describe some of those moods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Well, he was exhausted, for one; because he\u2019s working nights\/swing shifts\u2014different shifts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat in itself\u2014when he\u2019s working all night and he\u2019s coming home in the morning\u2014that\u2019s rough. You never quite get enough sleep that way, so he\u2019s exhausted. And then, I think he was sad about the things that he was seeing; you know? There\u2019s a lot of evil going on out there\u2014a lot of things that people do to each other. That\u2019s hard\u2014that\u2019s hard to see, especially when you love the Lord and you live your life as someone who is a believer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were living in L.A. He was a police officer when, in the early \u201990s, riots broke out in Watts, and Compton, and South Central, and that whole area of L.A. You\u2019re kissing your husband goodbye to go off to work, and that\u2019s where he\u2019s going. You\u2019re watching on the TV what\u2019s happening, and your husband\u2019s putting on his belt and his cap to go be in the middle of that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes, yes; that was a significant time. We saw what was going on\u2014on TV. We\u2019d actually been out of town. We came back, and he was ready to go. He\u2019s putting on\u2014you know, getting his things together to leave\u2014and I\u2019m sitting on the bed, just shaking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bullet-proof vests back then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely; yes. But the bullet-proof vests only\u2014you know, that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014only does so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>It only does so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>At that time\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s still the same or not\u2014but a rifle blast\u2014it doesn\u2019t help, or it didn\u2019t back then; I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s changed. But we had a conversation, and he put my mind at ease. He said: \u201cLook, if anything happens, I have faith in Jesus. You know, if I get taken out somehow, I know where I\u2019m going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou know, we just need to just trust God here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you have a calling from God that you felt like, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re supposed to do\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; because we had prayed about this. We were all in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>And even though it wasn\u2019t exactly what we had bargained for\u2014and I was reeling from that for a while\u2014and then we found some sense of just coming alongside each other and working it out. No; it never even occurred to me that, \u201cThis isn\u2019t what he\u2019s supposed to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, that five-year thing, where we\u2019re in this to get our hearts broken, and then we\u2019re going to go into ministry, I think it was about seven years in\u2014we had this conversation in a drive-through. We were going through a drive-through\u2014like Wendy\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or something like that\u2014and he says, \u201cYou know, God\u2019s really blessing this career.\u201d I said, \u201cYes; He is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said: \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve talked about we would only do this for so long. What do you think?\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cI truly believe that you\u2019re where you\u2019re supposed to be, and I\u2019m with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had my faith. I think that grew through that\u2014you know, just trusting in God: \u201cIf he shouldn\u2019t come home, then He would take care of me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me assure you, based on Scripture\u2014Hebrews, Chapter 11\u2014you did grow; okay?\u2014because it says: \u201cAnd without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.\u201d If you\u2019re walking by faith, He\u2019s going to reward you. Your faith muscle\u2019s going to grow\u2014you\u2019re going to grow\u2014you\u2019re going to have a better perspective of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were starting to have kids, at that point\u2014being a mom. That added another dimension to this whole story too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes, yes; it did. At some point, we moved from L.A. We moved up to Northern California\u2014to the Sacramento area. At that point, we had little ones\u2014a two-year-old and a six-month-old when we moved up there. I got involved in a Bible study at church and started really growing. It was a Bible study\u2014it was Precepts Bible studies. It just gave me a foundation for my faith; and seriously, that is where the rubber met the road. It was\u2014it was being grounded in Scripture for, really, the first time. I mean, I had heard Scripture; but I had never really <em>studied<\/em> it for myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point\u2014with a six-month-old little boy and two-year-old little girl\u2014that was where things really started to grow in my walk with Jesus; and I think in our marriage as well. You know, that changed things for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, you talk about that; and we\u2019ve already talked about the fact that 75 to 90 percent of marriages in law enforcement don\u2019t make it. I\u2019m thinking of law enforcement officers, who don\u2019t have any faith foundation in their lives\u2014they\u2019re relying on their own resources \/ their own strength to try to make it through. They\u2019re on the edge of society every day \/ they\u2019re going <em>near<\/em> evil every day, and they start to get comfortable in some of those spots; so even in their down time, they\u2019re drinking a lot\u2014maybe to medicate what\u2019s going on\u2014or the other guys say: \u201cHey, why don\u2019t we\u2014there\u2019s this club down the road. Why don\u2019t we go there after\u2014you know, we\u2019ll go there with our badges off. We can go do what we want.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can see where guys, who are on the front lines, day in and day out, can pretty easily get pulled in a direction that is going to be a harmful direction that\u2019s going to threaten their marriage and their family situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Well, and add to that\u2014I would say\u2014probably in the last five years \/ maybe seven years\u2014there has been significant strides made in emotional care for law enforcement officers. Before that, not so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>In 1988, that was unheard of, not to mention the needs of the family. So, when my book came out, and I had other gals that had been on the same amount of time as me, they\u2019re going, \u201cWhere was your book 20 years ago?!\u201d I said, \u201cIt was being written back then.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cIt was being <em>lived<\/em> back then.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>\u201cIt was being <em>lived<\/em> back then.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause they\u2019re saying: \u201cYou wrote my story! This is <em>us<\/em>. We were struggling <em>too<\/em>. We didn\u2019t know\u2014we didn\u2019t have anybody to talk to. We thought we were the only ones!\u201d I said, \u201cYes; I thought the same thing!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Seven years in \/ eight years into your marriage\u2014you guys wound up at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Did you come to the getaway because you were starting to see cracks in the foundation\u2014you said, \u201cWe better go get some help,\u201d or did you come just because you said, \u201cWe better do the right preventive maintenance on our marriage so that we can face what may be ahead for us\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; being a part of the church\u2014even though it was difficult for him to go, being on shift work and what not\u2014we understood that we needed regular input into our marriage. We got that through the church\u2014our church had told us about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. We took the time, and we had friends who watched our kids; and it was wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m just thinking: \u201cWhat would it be like if a church went to their local police precinct and said: \u2018You know what? If any of your officers want to go, we have people in our church who will babysit their kids for the weekend. We\u2019ll scholarship people to go.\u2019\u201d I mean, I just start to think, \u201cThat could be revolutionary\u2014for a church to adopt a precinct and say, \u2018Let\u2019s help with the marital health of our officers in our community.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>I would <em>love<\/em> to see that happen, but I will be honest with you; because law enforcement officers isolate, and they don\u2019t trust\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014they\u2019re not going to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Most of them won\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Even with the things that I do, it\u2019s hard to get people there. It\u2019s the trust factor. They\u2019re not going to leave their kids with people they don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I just want to comment on this, because we have had churches and business leaders that have made this offer available to police officers and their spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe race here is to the tortoise\u2014you just have to keep on asking \/ keep on going. We\u2019re not going to ask them to do anything in public; we\u2019re not going to recognize them in any way\u2014it\u2019s a chance for a couple to get <em>real<\/em> with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what you talk about in your book\u2014the great need is for husbands and wives to let each other into the interior of their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; I can\u2019t agree more. It is a building of trust. It\u2019s slow\u2014but the churches, and chaplaincies, and what not\u2014it takes a while, but they will trust if you\u2019re trustworthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that foundation that you had at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> did help you several years later, when your marriage hit a crisis point. You wound up in a very dark place, thinking, \u201cThis might not make it,\u201d yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause we were in a regular church and small groups, divorce had <em>never<\/em> entered my mind\u2014never entertained that. We talked about: \u201cThat [divorce] would never be brought up,\u201d \/ \u201cThat was never an option.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So you never uttered the words, threatening them, with Brent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Had he with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>No; no. That was a place where we would not go. <em>But<\/em>, I will say that as\u2014he was a captain at that point. This was, oh, I want to say probably seven years ago\u2014where we\u2019d been married for a long time; the kids were teenagers, and different things; and then he was at the Academy, where he was the commander of the Academy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a wonderful job, but it was also one that was demanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was given just unbelievable demands. We were losing a lot of people\u2014fallen officers, at the same time. We were tired\u2014we were very tired. I saw him change again. You know, over the years, he had recalibrated; and his faith had sustained him; but at that point, things had gotten very rough. I saw him isolate. I saw him\u2014for the first time, actually\u2014where he would retreat to himself, and he was grumpy. I want to be respectful, because he was under a lot of pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started thinking about <em>me<\/em>\u2014you know, he would be unkind at some points; and I don\u2019t like that. I started thinking, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t deserve this!\u201d It was a progression of where\u2014you know, it was all about <em>me<\/em> and how he was treating <em>me<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I failed to see is that he was going through some <em>really<\/em> difficult things\u2014spiritually\/professionally\u2014and he was trying to keep up with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had gone on vacation down into the San Diego area. We were staying at a beach; and we had gone to the zoo, and all kinds of things, and we were <em>not<\/em> in a good spot. I was considering leaving, for the first time ever. It was seriously about: \u201cI just don\u2019t want this anymore. I am tired of this. I don\u2019t like who he is anymore, and I want out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we got into an argument about chips at the zoo, and I was done. Again, I didn\u2019t understand where he was; but I had gotten to the point in my mind where: \u201cI\u2019m done. We\u2019ve been here, done that, and I\u2019m done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we had kind of a testy dinner; and then I went out for a walk on the beach that night and had come across this beautiful sand castle. The tide was coming in and was lapping up against this sand castle. As I\u2019m watching it\u2014I sat down and just was watching it\u2014and I realized that it was washing it away. The Scriptures\u2014from Matthew\u2014building your house on the sand and building your house on the rock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I\u2019m watching this sand castle slowly wash away, I heard God say to me: \u201cAre you going to do this to your husband? Are you going to do this to your family? Are you really going to leave?\u201d I said, \u201cNo; but God, I just\u2014I need things to change.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd He didn\u2019t say, \u201cWell, they\u2019re going to change.\u201d He said: \u201cAre you really wanting to do this? Do you really want to leave?\u201d As I watched that sand castle completely wash away, and all that were left were the rocks around it, I realized: \u201cI can\u2019t do this. I don\u2019t want to lose what we have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod was there \/ He was very present\u2014He almost turned my head towards these condos that were built on these <em>huge<\/em> rocks. I looked over at these rocks and these condos that were just, you know, majestic; and He said, \u201cThis is not going to be you [sand castle], because you have not built your house upon the sand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou have built your house on rocks\u2014on Me.\u201d As the waves\u2014I watched the waves go up against those big old rocks and go back, it was steady \/ it was sound; and I was encouraged. The Lord was there; and He said, \u201cYou\u2019ve built your house on Me. Go back.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay; but I need Your help.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThings didn\u2019t change for, at least, a week. I had to keep reminding myself: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not going. I need to retrain my mind away from the leaving and the d-word.\u201d And then I realized, two weeks later, that he was undergoing\u2014he was fighting off some depression and some things that he was dealing with; and he actually needed me <em>more<\/em> than ever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, I was in\u2014I was all in again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, that\u2019s been\u2014yes; I\u2019d say probably seven or eight years ago. I look at our life since\u2014and I look at all the wonderful times that we\u2019ve had and what we\u2019ve shared\u2014and I almost missed it! [Emotion in voice.] I almost missed it; but God was there, and He was so gracious. I put that in my book, and I\u2019ve told that story before to other people \/ other couples who are there on the beach. It has <em>greatly<\/em> encouraged them to say: \u201cYes; I was there on the beach too,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m on the beach now, and I\u2019m willing to go back.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to pray for those who are on the beach right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, You have unique ways of getting our attention. You meet people in their helplessness, and You bring them hope in a sand castle\u2014and the image of seeing what\u2019s been built over a decade \/ two, three, or more\u2014vanish because of a decision to dissolve it. Would You help listeners right now?\u2014maybe just one\u2014see it for what it is and turn to the One, who is the rock, Jesus Christ, and turn back to Him, as Vicki has so beautifully illustrated here. And would You give them hope through this story?\u2014because You are a God of great redemption. In Christ\u2019s name, Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Victoria, you mentioned the stories in your book; and again, we have copies of the book, <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder: How to Love Your Cop with Attitude<\/em>. Again, I\u2019m thinking about people who know people in law enforcement\u2014get a copy of this book and give it as a gift to somebody you know who is married to a highway patrol officer, or a police officer, or whatever the sphere of law enforcement they\u2019re in; because marriage is hard. It\u2019s a harder environment to maintain intimacy, just because of the level of stress that an officer faces that most of us don\u2019t face on a daily basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m also thinking, Dennis, about scholarshipping a friend \/ a couple to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. It\u2019s a great way to invest in their lives and to open up spiritual conversations as well. Find out more about Victoria\u2019s book, <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder<\/em>, and about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have a link to Victoria\u2019s website if you need more information about resources available. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you\u2019ve listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for any length of time, you\u2019ve recognized that our focus, as a ministry, is on marriage and family relationships. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families; so we\u2019re here every day with practical biblical help for your marriage and your family. And connected to that goal is that we want people to be doing well, spiritually. We want people, who don\u2019t know Christ, to come to know Him; and we want people, who know Christ, to grow in their faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that primarily happens through the ministry of the local church, and we support that. We encourage people to be regularly, actively involved in local church ministry. What we want to do is try to help supplement that in your life and in the lives of others in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStrengthening marriages and families is really a subset of the overall goal of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is to help people come to know Christ and to grow in a relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you invest in the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, that\u2019s what you\u2019re investing in\u2014lives being transformed by the power of the gospel through the resources we create; this radio program; the events we host\u2014like our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways \/ like the upcoming <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event that we\u2019re going to be hosting in April for couples who are in stepfamilies or blended marriages. That\u2019s going to be livestreamed throughout the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are regular listeners and who help support the work we\u2019re doing. If you\u2019re a long-time listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, or if you\u2019re a regular listener and it\u2019s been a while since you have helped support our work, would you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation today?\u2014or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to continue talking about the stresses that families in law enforcement are facing and how God provides grace, and strength, and support for those families. I hope you can be with us for that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:32:26"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["29.69M"],"filesize_raw":["31134766"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300159.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300159.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Newman talks about the stresses that can invade a first responder's marriage, and opens up about the circumstances in her own marriage that had her considering divorce until God intervened.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-02-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>After more than a decade of being married to a highway patrolman, Victoria Newman was tired\u2014tired of the lifestyle \/ tired of her marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>He was a captain at that point. We\u2019d been married for a long time; the kids were teenagers. He was at the Academy, where he was the commander of the Academy. And we were tired; we were very tired\u2014things had gotten very <em>rough<\/em>. I saw him isolate, because he was under a <em>lot<\/em> of pressure. I started thinking about <em>me<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. In law enforcement, the divorce statistics are much higher than they are in the general population. How does somebody beat those odds? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk about that today with our guest, Victoria Newman. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking about marriage\u2014when things are high stress. I\u2019m just thinking we should have Barbara in here and interview her about the high stress that she\u2019s been under for decades now, married to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No; it\u2019s no big deal. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh; it\u2019s easy? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I chill out. I chill out!\u2014[Laughter]\u2014hit the pause button.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s book a session with Barbara, and let\u2019s find out if that\u2019s true; okay? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; on weekends. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Victoria Newman joins us. \u201cHow to live with a high-stress cop\u201d; right?\u2014no; that\u2019s not it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; basically; yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s not it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Actually, your website\u2014what\u2019s the organization you started?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>How to Love Your Cop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How to Love Your Cop. Folks, we have a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com if folks want to go to your website and see the work you\u2019re doing, because your heart\/your desire is to really help the spouses of law enforcement people and the law enforcement officers themselves\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and their families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014know how to do marriage and family in a healthy way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you\u2019ve written a book called <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder<\/em>. Your husband is a California highway patrol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s the CHiP reference; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s the CHiP reference in case our audience missed it, because I read the title of the book the first time and I didn\u2019t get it the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m going, \u201cThey failed to capitalize the \u2018i.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] <em>How to Love and Support Your Cop<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour marriage started with a real eye-opener. First year, you thought it was going to be a piece of cake to be a cop\u2019s wife; but he started bringing home his junk. In fact, he would undoubtedly come home in some interesting moods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Describe some of those moods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Well, he was exhausted, for one; because he\u2019s working nights\/swing shifts\u2014different shifts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat in itself\u2014when he\u2019s working all night and he\u2019s coming home in the morning\u2014that\u2019s rough. You never quite get enough sleep that way, so he\u2019s exhausted. And then, I think he was sad about the things that he was seeing; you know? There\u2019s a lot of evil going on out there\u2014a lot of things that people do to each other. That\u2019s hard\u2014that\u2019s hard to see, especially when you love the Lord and you live your life as someone who is a believer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were living in L.A. He was a police officer when, in the early \u201990s, riots broke out in Watts, and Compton, and South Central, and that whole area of L.A. You\u2019re kissing your husband goodbye to go off to work, and that\u2019s where he\u2019s going. You\u2019re watching on the TV what\u2019s happening, and your husband\u2019s putting on his belt and his cap to go be in the middle of that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes, yes; that was a significant time. We saw what was going on\u2014on TV. We\u2019d actually been out of town. We came back, and he was ready to go. He\u2019s putting on\u2014you know, getting his things together to leave\u2014and I\u2019m sitting on the bed, just shaking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bullet-proof vests back then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely; yes. But the bullet-proof vests only\u2014you know, that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014only does so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>It only does so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>At that time\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s still the same or not\u2014but a rifle blast\u2014it doesn\u2019t help, or it didn\u2019t back then; I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s changed. But we had a conversation, and he put my mind at ease. He said: \u201cLook, if anything happens, I have faith in Jesus. You know, if I get taken out somehow, I know where I\u2019m going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou know, we just need to just trust God here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you have a calling from God that you felt like, \u201cThis is what we\u2019re supposed to do\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; because we had prayed about this. We were all in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>And even though it wasn\u2019t exactly what we had bargained for\u2014and I was reeling from that for a while\u2014and then we found some sense of just coming alongside each other and working it out. No; it never even occurred to me that, \u201cThis isn\u2019t what he\u2019s supposed to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, that five-year thing, where we\u2019re in this to get our hearts broken, and then we\u2019re going to go into ministry, I think it was about seven years in\u2014we had this conversation in a drive-through. We were going through a drive-through\u2014like Wendy\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or something like that\u2014and he says, \u201cYou know, God\u2019s really blessing this career.\u201d I said, \u201cYes; He is.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said: \u201cYou know, we\u2019ve talked about we would only do this for so long. What do you think?\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cI truly believe that you\u2019re where you\u2019re supposed to be, and I\u2019m with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had my faith. I think that grew through that\u2014you know, just trusting in God: \u201cIf he shouldn\u2019t come home, then He would take care of me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me assure you, based on Scripture\u2014Hebrews, Chapter 11\u2014you did grow; okay?\u2014because it says: \u201cAnd without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.\u201d If you\u2019re walking by faith, He\u2019s going to reward you. Your faith muscle\u2019s going to grow\u2014you\u2019re going to grow\u2014you\u2019re going to have a better perspective of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were starting to have kids, at that point\u2014being a mom. That added another dimension to this whole story too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes, yes; it did. At some point, we moved from L.A. We moved up to Northern California\u2014to the Sacramento area. At that point, we had little ones\u2014a two-year-old and a six-month-old when we moved up there. I got involved in a Bible study at church and started really growing. It was a Bible study\u2014it was Precepts Bible studies. It just gave me a foundation for my faith; and seriously, that is where the rubber met the road. It was\u2014it was being grounded in Scripture for, really, the first time. I mean, I had heard Scripture; but I had never really <em>studied<\/em> it for myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point\u2014with a six-month-old little boy and two-year-old little girl\u2014that was where things really started to grow in my walk with Jesus; and I think in our marriage as well. You know, that changed things for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, you talk about that; and we\u2019ve already talked about the fact that 75 to 90 percent of marriages in law enforcement don\u2019t make it. I\u2019m thinking of law enforcement officers, who don\u2019t have any faith foundation in their lives\u2014they\u2019re relying on their own resources \/ their own strength to try to make it through. They\u2019re on the edge of society every day \/ they\u2019re going <em>near<\/em> evil every day, and they start to get comfortable in some of those spots; so even in their down time, they\u2019re drinking a lot\u2014maybe to medicate what\u2019s going on\u2014or the other guys say: \u201cHey, why don\u2019t we\u2014there\u2019s this club down the road. Why don\u2019t we go there after\u2014you know, we\u2019ll go there with our badges off. We can go do what we want.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can see where guys, who are on the front lines, day in and day out, can pretty easily get pulled in a direction that is going to be a harmful direction that\u2019s going to threaten their marriage and their family situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Well, and add to that\u2014I would say\u2014probably in the last five years \/ maybe seven years\u2014there has been significant strides made in emotional care for law enforcement officers. Before that, not so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>In 1988, that was unheard of, not to mention the needs of the family. So, when my book came out, and I had other gals that had been on the same amount of time as me, they\u2019re going, \u201cWhere was your book 20 years ago?!\u201d I said, \u201cIt was being written back then.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cIt was being <em>lived<\/em> back then.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>\u201cIt was being <em>lived<\/em> back then.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause they\u2019re saying: \u201cYou wrote my story! This is <em>us<\/em>. We were struggling <em>too<\/em>. We didn\u2019t know\u2014we didn\u2019t have anybody to talk to. We thought we were the only ones!\u201d I said, \u201cYes; I thought the same thing!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Seven years in \/ eight years into your marriage\u2014you guys wound up at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Did you come to the getaway because you were starting to see cracks in the foundation\u2014you said, \u201cWe better go get some help,\u201d or did you come just because you said, \u201cWe better do the right preventive maintenance on our marriage so that we can face what may be ahead for us\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; being a part of the church\u2014even though it was difficult for him to go, being on shift work and what not\u2014we understood that we needed regular input into our marriage. We got that through the church\u2014our church had told us about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. We took the time, and we had friends who watched our kids; and it was wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m just thinking: \u201cWhat would it be like if a church went to their local police precinct and said: \u2018You know what? If any of your officers want to go, we have people in our church who will babysit their kids for the weekend. We\u2019ll scholarship people to go.\u2019\u201d I mean, I just start to think, \u201cThat could be revolutionary\u2014for a church to adopt a precinct and say, \u2018Let\u2019s help with the marital health of our officers in our community.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>I would <em>love<\/em> to see that happen, but I will be honest with you; because law enforcement officers isolate, and they don\u2019t trust\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014they\u2019re not going to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Most of them won\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Even with the things that I do, it\u2019s hard to get people there. It\u2019s the trust factor. They\u2019re not going to leave their kids with people they don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I just want to comment on this, because we have had churches and business leaders that have made this offer available to police officers and their spouses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe race here is to the tortoise\u2014you just have to keep on asking \/ keep on going. We\u2019re not going to ask them to do anything in public; we\u2019re not going to recognize them in any way\u2014it\u2019s a chance for a couple to get <em>real<\/em> with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what you talk about in your book\u2014the great need is for husbands and wives to let each other into the interior of their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes; I can\u2019t agree more. It is a building of trust. It\u2019s slow\u2014but the churches, and chaplaincies, and what not\u2014it takes a while, but they will trust if you\u2019re trustworthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that foundation that you had at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> did help you several years later, when your marriage hit a crisis point. You wound up in a very dark place, thinking, \u201cThis might not make it,\u201d yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause we were in a regular church and small groups, divorce had <em>never<\/em> entered my mind\u2014never entertained that. We talked about: \u201cThat [divorce] would never be brought up,\u201d \/ \u201cThat was never an option.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So you never uttered the words, threatening them, with Brent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Had he with you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>No; no. That was a place where we would not go. <em>But<\/em>, I will say that as\u2014he was a captain at that point. This was, oh, I want to say probably seven years ago\u2014where we\u2019d been married for a long time; the kids were teenagers, and different things; and then he was at the Academy, where he was the commander of the Academy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a wonderful job, but it was also one that was demanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was given just unbelievable demands. We were losing a lot of people\u2014fallen officers, at the same time. We were tired\u2014we were very tired. I saw him change again. You know, over the years, he had recalibrated; and his faith had sustained him; but at that point, things had gotten very rough. I saw him isolate. I saw him\u2014for the first time, actually\u2014where he would retreat to himself, and he was grumpy. I want to be respectful, because he was under a lot of pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started thinking about <em>me<\/em>\u2014you know, he would be unkind at some points; and I don\u2019t like that. I started thinking, \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t deserve this!\u201d It was a progression of where\u2014you know, it was all about <em>me<\/em> and how he was treating <em>me<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I failed to see is that he was going through some <em>really<\/em> difficult things\u2014spiritually\/professionally\u2014and he was trying to keep up with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had gone on vacation down into the San Diego area. We were staying at a beach; and we had gone to the zoo, and all kinds of things, and we were <em>not<\/em> in a good spot. I was considering leaving, for the first time ever. It was seriously about: \u201cI just don\u2019t want this anymore. I am tired of this. I don\u2019t like who he is anymore, and I want out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we got into an argument about chips at the zoo, and I was done. Again, I didn\u2019t understand where he was; but I had gotten to the point in my mind where: \u201cI\u2019m done. We\u2019ve been here, done that, and I\u2019m done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we had kind of a testy dinner; and then I went out for a walk on the beach that night and had come across this beautiful sand castle. The tide was coming in and was lapping up against this sand castle. As I\u2019m watching it\u2014I sat down and just was watching it\u2014and I realized that it was washing it away. The Scriptures\u2014from Matthew\u2014building your house on the sand and building your house on the rock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I\u2019m watching this sand castle slowly wash away, I heard God say to me: \u201cAre you going to do this to your husband? Are you going to do this to your family? Are you really going to leave?\u201d I said, \u201cNo; but God, I just\u2014I need things to change.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd He didn\u2019t say, \u201cWell, they\u2019re going to change.\u201d He said: \u201cAre you really wanting to do this? Do you really want to leave?\u201d As I watched that sand castle completely wash away, and all that were left were the rocks around it, I realized: \u201cI can\u2019t do this. I don\u2019t want to lose what we have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod was there \/ He was very present\u2014He almost turned my head towards these condos that were built on these <em>huge<\/em> rocks. I looked over at these rocks and these condos that were just, you know, majestic; and He said, \u201cThis is not going to be you [sand castle], because you have not built your house upon the sand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou have built your house on rocks\u2014on Me.\u201d As the waves\u2014I watched the waves go up against those big old rocks and go back, it was steady \/ it was sound; and I was encouraged. The Lord was there; and He said, \u201cYou\u2019ve built your house on Me. Go back.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay; but I need Your help.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThings didn\u2019t change for, at least, a week. I had to keep reminding myself: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not going. I need to retrain my mind away from the leaving and the d-word.\u201d And then I realized, two weeks later, that he was undergoing\u2014he was fighting off some depression and some things that he was dealing with; and he actually needed me <em>more<\/em> than ever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, I was in\u2014I was all in again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, that\u2019s been\u2014yes; I\u2019d say probably seven or eight years ago. I look at our life since\u2014and I look at all the wonderful times that we\u2019ve had and what we\u2019ve shared\u2014and I almost missed it! [Emotion in voice.] I almost missed it; but God was there, and He was so gracious. I put that in my book, and I\u2019ve told that story before to other people \/ other couples who are there on the beach. It has <em>greatly<\/em> encouraged them to say: \u201cYes; I was there on the beach too,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m on the beach now, and I\u2019m willing to go back.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to pray for those who are on the beach right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, You have unique ways of getting our attention. You meet people in their helplessness, and You bring them hope in a sand castle\u2014and the image of seeing what\u2019s been built over a decade \/ two, three, or more\u2014vanish because of a decision to dissolve it. Would You help listeners right now?\u2014maybe just one\u2014see it for what it is and turn to the One, who is the rock, Jesus Christ, and turn back to Him, as Vicki has so beautifully illustrated here. And would You give them hope through this story?\u2014because You are a God of great redemption. In Christ\u2019s name, Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Victoria: <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Victoria, you mentioned the stories in your book; and again, we have copies of the book, <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder: How to Love Your Cop with Attitude<\/em>. Again, I\u2019m thinking about people who know people in law enforcement\u2014get a copy of this book and give it as a gift to somebody you know who is married to a highway patrol officer, or a police officer, or whatever the sphere of law enforcement they\u2019re in; because marriage is hard. It\u2019s a harder environment to maintain intimacy, just because of the level of stress that an officer faces that most of us don\u2019t face on a daily basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m also thinking, Dennis, about scholarshipping a friend \/ a couple to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. It\u2019s a great way to invest in their lives and to open up spiritual conversations as well. Find out more about Victoria\u2019s book, <em>A CHiP on My Shoulder<\/em>, and about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have a link to Victoria\u2019s website if you need more information about resources available. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you\u2019ve listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for any length of time, you\u2019ve recognized that our focus, as a ministry, is on marriage and family relationships. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families; so we\u2019re here every day with practical biblical help for your marriage and your family. And connected to that goal is that we want people to be doing well, spiritually. We want people, who don\u2019t know Christ, to come to know Him; and we want people, who know Christ, to grow in their faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that primarily happens through the ministry of the local church, and we support that. We encourage people to be regularly, actively involved in local church ministry. What we want to do is try to help supplement that in your life and in the lives of others in your community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStrengthening marriages and families is really a subset of the overall goal of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is to help people come to know Christ and to grow in a relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you invest in the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, that\u2019s what you\u2019re investing in\u2014lives being transformed by the power of the gospel through the resources we create; this radio program; the events we host\u2014like our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways \/ like the upcoming <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event that we\u2019re going to be hosting in April for couples who are in stepfamilies or blended marriages. That\u2019s going to be livestreamed throughout the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are regular listeners and who help support the work we\u2019re doing. If you\u2019re a long-time listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, or if you\u2019re a regular listener and it\u2019s been a while since you have helped support our work, would you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation today?\u2014or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to continue talking about the stresses that families in law enforcement are facing and how God provides grace, and strength, and support for those families. I hope you can be with us for that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300159"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300159"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300159"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300159"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}