{"id":300121,"date":"2018-01-17T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-01-17T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/trusting-his-leadership\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:19","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:19","slug":"trusting-his-leadership","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/trusting-his-leadership\/","title":{"rendered":"Trusting His Leadership"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Robert Wolgemuth, along with his wife, Nancy, and Ron Deal, talk to husbands\u00a0about how to lead their wives as loving shepherds.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-01-17.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:30","filesize":"26.1M","filesize_raw":"27369783","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810,2901,2088],"tags":[2585,4189,4018,4186,4187,4192,4193,2732,4190,4188,4191],"podcast_series":[7185],"cwp_profile":[3196,3178,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300121","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","category-husbands","category-romance-and-sex","tag-blended-family","tag-courtship","tag-dating","tag-getting-married","tag-husbands","tag-newlywed","tag-provider","tag-remarriage","tag-shepherding","tag-stepfamily","tag-widower","podcast_series-like-the-shepherd","cwp_profile-nancy-demoss-wolgemuth","cwp_profile-robert-wolgemuth","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300121\/trusting-his-leadership","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300121\/trusting-his-leadership","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5B8eFkbEsT\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/trusting-his-leadership\/\">Trusting His Leadership<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/trusting-his-leadership\/embed\/#?secret=5B8eFkbEsT\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Trusting His Leadership&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5B8eFkbEsT\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-01-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-01-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Author and speaker Robert Wolgemuth says every husband has to make a decision about what kind of relationship he wants to have with his wife; and then, his actions need to support that decision. Does he want a relationship with conflict or one that is full of joy, where both are seeking the Lord?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>I can\u2019t \/ nobody can get a guy to <em>want<\/em> this kind of relationship. No book is going to get that \/ no conversation. He has to start before the Lord, saying: \u201cYou know, Lord, I don\u2019t really want this; but I believe You do. So give me the \u2018wanna\u2019 \/ give me the desire to be the kind of husband my wife wants.\u201d And then you can begin to put the stuff together that makes it work, but no book is going to talk you into something you don\u2019t want.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, January 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. So, what kind of relationship do you want to have with your wife? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr maybe more importantly, what kind of relationship does God want you to have with your wife? We\u2019ll talk about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. It\u2019s a good coaching session we\u2019re getting this week\u2014a good reminder to those of us who have been husbands for a while and, probably, good training for the rookie husbands in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes;<strong> \u201c<\/strong>Listen up!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Absolutely. Get your notepad out or your phone and take some notes; because Robert Wolgemuth is coaching husbands how to be like a shepherd in a loving, gracious way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRobert, welcome back\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014joined with his wife, Nancy, all the way back to 2015\u2014fun to have you here. And also joining us is Ron Deal, who actually helped Robert and Nancy start out their marriage together; because Father Bob stepped in [Laughter] to Nancy\u2019s life at the point that Robert was pursuing her and said, \u201cYou guys need to get some counsel.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon works, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> in the blended family arena and is a great counselor, as well\u2014and provided several days of counseling over a period of weeks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; now, the one thing that didn\u2019t happen with these guys is that they did not go to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaways before they got married. I think the reason is because, by the time you guys got engaged, the special 50 percent offer that we\u2019re making this week had already expired.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say to our listeners, here, before we dive into what we\u2019re going to talk about\u2014this week and next week we do have a special offer for listeners. If you\u2019d like to attend one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways\u2014whether you\u2019re engaged, thinking about getting engaged, or you\u2019ve been married for a decade or two or three or four\u2014plan to join us at one of the 55 <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways we\u2019ll be hosting this spring in cities all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you register this week or next week, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. Call us if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or check out things, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online if you\u2019d like to; but again, the opportunity to save 50 percent off the regular registration is good this week or next week. Don\u2019t hesitate\u2014some of these getaways are going to be selling out here in the next week\u2014so don\u2019t hesitate. Plan to join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway; and again, you can register, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNancy, we talked a lot during the courtship about the rhythms of life for somebody who\u2019s been independent for 57 years. All of a sudden, it\u2019s not, \u201cWhat do I want to do today?\u201d All of a sudden, it\u2019s not, \u201cWhere do I think that should go?\u201d You had fallen into a very comfortable routine of autonomy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>\u2014and never had a man in my room\/in my bedroom. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I didn\u2019t sleep for months, it seemed like, after we got married. This was all so different for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; and now it\u2019s not your bedroom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>It\u2019s <em>our<\/em> bedroom; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014even though it\u2019s been <em>your<\/em> bedroom and decorated the way <em>you<\/em> wanted it for a long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Lots of flowers. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did <em>you<\/em> shift gears and go from leading yourself to being led?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>You know, so much of this comes back to your relationship with Christ. I don\u2019t mean to over-spiritualize this; because there were practical adjustments\u2014lots of them. It wasn\u2019t a month into our marriage that I\u2019m lying in bed one night with a whole set of circumstances that had gone a little topsy-turvy. I\u2019m thinking, as Robert is sleeping soundly and I can\u2019t sleep, and I\u2019m going, \u201cWhat in the world have I done?\u201d So there were those moments\u2014kind of panic-stricken. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, from the time I was saved, as a child, I had been learning, over all those years, to realize that I\u2019m not my own\u2014I belong to Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod can be trusted to write my story. I had tried to live my life\u2014not always well \/ I haven\u2019t always done this well\u2014but I tried to live my life with open hands, just saying: \u201cLord, what do You want for me? Do You want me to be single?\u2014I\u2019ll be single.\u201d And then, when it came to marriage\u2014which I had never contemplated seriously \/ never thought this would be God\u2019s plan for my life\u2014I <em>loved<\/em> serving the Lord, as a single woman. And then this prospect of marriage came into my life; and that was a struggle, initially. But the struggle was: \u201cIs this what God wants? And if it is,\u201d\u2014and I came to believe that it was\u2014\u201cthen, I can trust God for these adjustments; and we\u2019re making a covenant commitment to each other.\u201d That means, before the Lord, we\u2019re going to live this out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, yes\u2014that terror-stricken night a month into our marriage\u2014and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHow in the world are we ever going to do this?\u201d\u2014not because there was anything wrong with Robert\u2014it was just such a <em>huge<\/em> adjustment for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it wasn\u2019t, \u201c<em>Will<\/em> we make this work?\u201d\u2014it was: \u201cGod, just show us how to do this. I\u2019m all in. I\u2019m all in to bless this man. I\u2019m not going to just spew out words in that\u2014in the emotion of the moment would be easy to say. We\u2019re going to try to commit our speech, and our actions, and our attitudes to You\u2014live in a way that honors You. I\u2019m going to love this man, who is so gracious, and humble, and loveable\u201d; but there are moments when you just don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> that same connection to each other, and then you make a choice. You say: \u201cGod led me here; and by God\u2019s grace, we\u2019re going to do this. We\u2019re going to do the loving thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were moments\u2014Robert talked earlier about how, each morning, I send a text to him\u2014says the same thing: \u201cGood morning, my beloved. I love you, my precious shepherd friend,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s a little thing I say each morning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, there have been a few mornings when there was something that we were still wrestling through, where I didn\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like sending that loving text. But every morning, I make that choice: \u201cI\u2019m going to say this loving thing, even if, in that moment, I may not feel like that,\u201d and then the feelings follow the choices and the actions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Nancy, you have a radio ministry. You get a lot of letters \/ a lot of emails\u2014hear a lot of stories from people, who come up after they\u2019ve been to one of your True Woman conferences; and they tell a different story. They\u2019re not married to a Robert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Yes, yes; and I often acknowledge that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re not married to a saint\u2014they\u2019re married to a man that they battle to respect \/ to somehow find something that he\u2019s doing right\u2014and they\u2019re not even relating to how you two are describing your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>I get that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d like both of you to make a pass at speaking to a wife, who\u2019s in a marriage like that; and Ron, you can jump in here, too, especially if you\u2019re in a blended family. What would you advise her to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the attitude she should take?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Well, you go back to Scripture. I know\u2014I\u2019ve talked with <em>so many<\/em> of these women, in very hard, very hurtful marriages. There are no simple answers; and there\u2019s no promise that whatever she does is going to fix this, certainly not in the short-term. But you go back to the Scripture\u2014and a wife, in a culture in the New Testament, where many of their husbands were not believers \/ they were not men who feared the Lord\u2014but the wife was instructed to reverence \/ to respect her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI saw a beautiful example of this on Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> the other day. A husband posted on Instagram a photo of a Post-It Note<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> his wife had left for him. The note says\u2014from his wife: \u201cI love you so. Thank you for our family. You are a magnificent man.\u201d Then this husband comments\u2014he said: \u201cWhen my wife left for Chicago the other day, she left this behind. If a Christian wife is to respect her husband\u2014Ephesians 5:33\u2014then I feel so respected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIn fact,\u201d\u2014here\u2019s the key\u2014\u201cyears ago, my wife decided that I wouldn\u2019t have to keep earning her respect. She decided respect would be a gift she\u2019d keep giving me in advance, which has inspired me to be a better man.\u201d And then he said, \u201cMy wife has massive power over me. [Laughter] So grateful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>My message to husbands is what my wrestling coach\u2014I hated wrestling! Guys that are wrestlers: \u201cThat\u2019s the tough one; right? I mean, no glory\u2014nobody comes to a wrestling match\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s a tough sport.\u201d But my junior high wrestling coach said: \u201cYou gotta wanna,\u201d \u201cYou gotta wanna.\u201d This is Philippians 2:13\u2014God is at work within you, helping you to obey Him and then helping you do what He wants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t \/ nobody can get a guy to <em>want<\/em> this kind of relationship\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014no book is going to get that \/ no conversation. He has to start before the Lord, saying: \u201cYou know, Lord, I don\u2019t really want this; but I believe You do. So give me the \u2018wanna\u2019 \/ give me the desire to be the kind of husband my wife wants.\u201d And then you can begin to put the stuff together that makes it work; but no book is going to talk you into something you don\u2019t want.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ron, you\u2019ve had the occasion\u2014I\u2019m just thinking of Robert and Nancy. Here are two godly, spiritually-surrendered people. I think folks can hear this and go, \u201cAs long as you\u2019re really committed to the Lord and you love the Lord, sure you may have some bumps along the way, but your blended marriage isn\u2019t going to have huge challenges.\u201d You\u2019ve talked to spiritually godly people, who were completely blind-sided by the issues of a blended family; and who thought, going in, \u201cWe have the tools to deal with this,\u201d but they\u2019d never seen these problems before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; and it\u2019s easy to get stuck in a hurry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell-intending people \/ godly people, trying to do everything right, get blind-sided by the many dynamics around family living; around issues they didn\u2019t see coming; around an ex-spouse, in some cases, that is just wreaking havoc in your life and constantly rippling stress into your home through the children or what have you. There are just a lot of things that go on there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, our message to people at FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is: \u201cLearn as much as you can about all of that. The smarter you get about that, the better you\u2019re able to manage it.\u201d But at the end of the day, it is about the marriage; because when all that stuff is coming to you\u2014whether it\u2019s from the other household, or from children, or parents\/stepparents, stepchild relationships that are just under stress and strain\u2014if you don\u2019t come together, as a couple, and say: \u201cWow; you\u2019re my safe harbor,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t trust anything else going on in our world, but I trust you,\u201d you really aren\u2019t able to tackle any of that other stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what we\u2019re doing here today is <em>so<\/em> critical for all marriages, whether they\u2019re in a blended family or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to take us to some really very, very practical stuff. I know a young lady, who is married to a husband who just suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder. I mean, he just can\u2019t let go of the phone; he\u2019s constantly checking the screen; he is not looking her in the eye when he speaks to her. Robert, what would be the best coaching advice you would give that young man\u2014or that older man; okay?\u2014who\u2019s really having something that is competing with his wife for his attention?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>A long, long time ago, a man gave me <em>great<\/em> advice\u2014he said, \u201cMarriages that struggle or fail usually struggle or fail based on things that are not said, not things that are said.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some exceptions\u2014some guy flies off the handle and says some really unfortunate things to his wife and pays a price for that\u2014but most of the time, we suck that stuff up. You know, we see our mate doing something or looking at the phone, and we <em>act<\/em> our disapproval. We don\u2019t talk about it\u2014we <em>act<\/em> it out, which is far worse than talking about it, you know\u2014because if I\u2019m acting it out, the scenario that she is reading into that is far worse than words that I would speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I say, \u201cCan we talk about something?\u201d Always, that\u2019s a good idea\u2014to preface a <em>hard<\/em> conversation by saying that rather than diving right into it\u2014\u201cCan we talk about something? Maybe it\u2019s an hour from now; maybe it\u2019s tonight.\u201d And say, \u201cThis is troubling to me.\u201d Now, what you\u2019re doing is\u2014you\u2019re cashing in on your relationship \/ on the equity you have in your relationship; because if she doesn\u2019t care how you feel, then that\u2019s a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Or\u2014or if she doesn\u2019t feel safe in the relationship and feels like she\u2019s going to be attacked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s not going to be an inviting question, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>No; that\u2019s right. So then you address that\u2014whatever it is: \u201cYou know, all of us have this phone problem, and it\u2019s not going to get any better; right? So, let\u2019s talk about that\u2014let\u2019s talk about rules.\u201d For example, at mealtime, unless there\u2019s really something hot that\u2019s coming across the wires\u2014and Nancy needs to see it or I need to see it\u2014we park our phones \/ we do not look at our phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>\u2014or unless it\u2019s the last inning of a Cubs game. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014not just the last inning\u2014it\u2019s the fifth, or sixth, or ninth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>No; we park the phones. Robert\u2019s much better at that than I am; so this is something he\u2019s addressed in our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh really! Nancy, you\u2019re worse than him about this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Oh yes; oh yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Why is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>The phone thing?\u2014because I spent all those years living life with my phone, and working nonstop, and not needing to stop and pay attention for extended conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPlus, in my family of origin, we didn\u2019t talk things through. Robert came from a family that really just loved conversation\u2014his parents modeled that\u2014and so he has pressed, in tender and patient ways, \u201cWe\u2019re going to talk about this.\u201d He\u2019s not unkind about it \/ he\u2019s not harsh about it\u2014he says to me, \u201cYou can feel free to say anything.\u201d We know we\u2019re going to assume the best of each other \/ we\u2019re going to make allowances, but he\u2019s not going to let this thing go unaddressed. That\u2019s been a little harder for me, because I could have stuffed it more easily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>He\u2019s not going to let it get stuffed. We are going to talk about it, but not with the shouting and the ugliness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This attachment to the phone is often an attachment to career. As you described it, I was remembering my mom telling me, years ago, that my dad had said to her, when they were first married, \u201cMy work is going to take more than just the 40 hours a week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cYou just need to plan that, from Monday morning until Friday night, I need to stay focused on my work. Just leave me alone. I\u2019ll be there on the weekends to kind of help pitch in; but if I\u2019m going to provide the way I\u2019m going to provide, I need to do this.\u201d Now, both of them had come out of the Depression. They had been in situations where the family had scraped by. My dad, I think, was trying to be a good provider and saw that as a chief virtue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk to a young man, who says, \u201cI feel the burden of being a good provider; and sometimes, I feel like my wife is pulling me away from being able to do what I\u2019m supposed to do for the family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Well, I would say: \u201cHave some fun with that.\u201d I had a job from 1979 to 1984, and I was way over my skis\u2014I mean, I was way over my skis. There wasn\u2019t a person who worked with me who was younger than me; they were all older than me, with lots of experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Bobbie and I talked about that. We had weekly picnics at my office, because I was going to spend a late night at the office. But at dinnertime, she brought the girls\u2014they were very small then\u2014and a checkered tablecloth. On the floor of my office, she set up a picnic. We\u2019d play hide-and-seek in the dark halls of this office; and if you talk to the girls now, they will remember that very well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of pushing against me and shaming me\u2014making me feel guilty\u2014Bobbie joined in the journey, and we had fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me give you one other scenario. I had a colleague, years ago, who\u2014I watched this happen \/ I don\u2019t know that I ever spoke to him about it\u2014but during the course of the workday, his wife would call, sometimes, ten times a day with a question \/ with a thought. She was a very needy wife. Here\u2019s a guy, who\u2019s trying to focus on what he\u2019s been hired to do; and he\u2019s getting interrupted regularly by his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow does a husband address that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Talk about it \/ say it\u2014see? He can act it out\u2014he can be ticked off that she\u2019s interrupting this meeting: \u201cYes; what?\u201d when he answers the phone. Back in that day, probably, they didn\u2019t have the cell phone, which is an enemy to this guy. So, what you do is\u2014you say, \u201cSweetheart, I\u2019m eager to talk to you; but there are times during the day I just can\u2019t,\u201d and maybe there is a situation where he can help her identify a word picture that she could identify with him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, what I would say to him is: \u201cBeat her to that punch,\u201d and every once in a while, text, \u201cI love you.\u201d Don\u2019t just wait for her to get to you; every once in a while, when you think about her\u2014now, I had this fun Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> campaign when the book was released\u2014and one of the tweets was: \u201cA random \u2018I love you\u2019 text means a lot more to her than you can imagine. Just ask her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a tweet that I sent out. Or I said: \u201cShe\u2019s looking for a shepherd, not a cowboy. Just ask her.\u201d So I had some fun with that. But take some initiative\u2014don\u2019t just be the recipient of that. And talk to her about it\u2014don\u2019t act it out\u2014talk to her about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re actually hitting on the next question I had for you, which is about bringing happiness to your wife. What are the best three things\u2014[Laughter]\u2014the best three things you\u2019ve done. And before <em>you<\/em> answer\u2014Nancy, you tell us a couple that made you happy that Robert did for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Well, we do laugh a lot together. We have <em>great<\/em> conversations, and we\u2019re at a season of life where we don\u2019t have little children underfoot. We have that luxury of being able to have, sometimes, quiet dinners and the ability to talk. We have enjoyed, seriously, following the Cubs. I didn\u2019t know what a baseball was, hardly, before we got married\u2014I was much more into football. But when I found out that Cubs were something that my husband enjoy, I set out to enjoy the Cubs too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I do! And we do it together\u2014it\u2019s something we share. So, we do fun things together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Didn\u2019t you buy tickets and surprise him one week?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>I did; I did before we were married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Yes; but we have some games we play together. I mean, we both work hard\u2014we work long hours; we have a lot of relationships we\u2019re working to maintain; our lives are full\u2014but we pause \/ we stop; we enjoy taking rides, seeing God\u2019s creation. It\u2019s been a\u2014we have some beautiful seasons in Michigan, where we live, and we stop\u2014Robert\u2019s better at this than I am\u2014stopping and smelling the flowers, so to speak, and <em>noticing<\/em> things. He draws me into that, and we enjoy doing that together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of his shepherding me\u2014is helping me to breathe; because I\u2019ve lived a pretty margin-less life for a lot of years, where there was no day and night, no\u2014just this crazy life of a single, who has a very demanding responsibility. Robert helps me stop, sit down to eat a meal, carry on a conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese things have been good for my soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So Robert, hold your three ideas really quickly\u2014they have to be fast\u2014but Bob, tell them how they can get a copy of <em>Like the Shepherd, <\/em>the book that Robert\u2019s written about how men can love and lead their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I will. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order your copy from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd by the way, on our website, or when you call, you can get information about the spring season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways that we have going on. We\u2019ll have more than 50 getaways happening in cities all across the country this spring. This is a <em>great<\/em> opportunity for husbands and wives to spend some <em>concentrated<\/em> time learning about God\u2019s design for marriage and enjoying a nice getaway weekend at the same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up this week or next week for one of our getaways, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee\u2014that\u2019s the best offer we make all year long\u2014and it\u2019s available this week or next week. Find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online or call to register; or if you have any questions: 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s been our privilege this week to talk to a couple of friends\u2014Ron Deal, as well, in the studio\u2014joining Nancy and Robert Wolgemuth. I asked, a few moments ago, Robert, for you to share three of the <em>best<\/em> things you\u2019ve done as the shepherd \/ as the shepherd who brought happiness to Nancy. Real quickly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Alright; starting with: \u201cLaugh at yourself. Don\u2019t take yourself too seriously.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe time that we spend right before I go to sleep, because I usually go to sleep first\u2014we\u2019re cuddling, and Nancy\u2019s head is in the crook of my shoulder. We\u2019re reviewing the day, and we\u2019re remembering funny things. The other night, we were <em>howling<\/em>, just tucked in like that\u2014so: \u201cDon\u2019t take yourself too seriously. Find moments like that, where it\u2019s uninterrupted.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, have a little game that you can play\u2014like, we have a word game called Quiddler. We\u2019ll look at each other and say, \u201cHow about a game of Quiddler?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I would say, \u201cDon\u2019t watch TV,\u201d because TV is an incredibly <em>passive<\/em> experience. You\u2019re sitting there, looking at a screen, not at each other \/ it\u2019s not interactive. Now, sometimes, it\u2019s good to do that; but I would say I\u2019d put TV-watching <em>way down<\/em> on the list. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, those things: \u201cDon\u2019t take yourself too seriously,\u201d \u201cFind a place,\u201d and \u201cHave games that you play\u2014literally, little board games or whatever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you play \u201cWords with Friends\u201d with Nancy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>I don\u2019t, because she\u2019s too good. [Laughter] She and your wife have a game that\u2019s gone on for what?\u2014six years? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right. I have screen shots of plays that Mary Ann\u2019s made against Nancy, where she goes: \u201cLook at what I did right there. That was 100 points! Yes!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>I\u2019m showing Robert my screen shots.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Yes; yes, she is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; yes, this deteriorated really quickly. Okay; we have to wrap up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoin us back tomorrow. Steve and Misty Arterburn are going to be with us. We\u2019re going to talk about how we move a marriage from bland to spicy; alright? Hope you can tune in for that. We\u2019ll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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Wolgemuth, along with his wife, Nancy, and Ron Deal, talk to husbands\u00a0about how to lead their wives as loving shepherds.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-01-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Author and speaker Robert Wolgemuth says every husband has to make a decision about what kind of relationship he wants to have with his wife; and then, his actions need to support that decision. Does he want a relationship with conflict or one that is full of joy, where both are seeking the Lord?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>I can\u2019t \/ nobody can get a guy to <em>want<\/em> this kind of relationship. No book is going to get that \/ no conversation. He has to start before the Lord, saying: \u201cYou know, Lord, I don\u2019t really want this; but I believe You do. So give me the \u2018wanna\u2019 \/ give me the desire to be the kind of husband my wife wants.\u201d And then you can begin to put the stuff together that makes it work, but no book is going to talk you into something you don\u2019t want.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, January 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. So, what kind of relationship do you want to have with your wife? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr maybe more importantly, what kind of relationship does God want you to have with your wife? We\u2019ll talk about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. It\u2019s a good coaching session we\u2019re getting this week\u2014a good reminder to those of us who have been husbands for a while and, probably, good training for the rookie husbands in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes;<strong> \u201c<\/strong>Listen up!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Absolutely. Get your notepad out or your phone and take some notes; because Robert Wolgemuth is coaching husbands how to be like a shepherd in a loving, gracious way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRobert, welcome back\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014joined with his wife, Nancy, all the way back to 2015\u2014fun to have you here. And also joining us is Ron Deal, who actually helped Robert and Nancy start out their marriage together; because Father Bob stepped in [Laughter] to Nancy\u2019s life at the point that Robert was pursuing her and said, \u201cYou guys need to get some counsel.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon works, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> in the blended family arena and is a great counselor, as well\u2014and provided several days of counseling over a period of weeks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; now, the one thing that didn\u2019t happen with these guys is that they did not go to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaways before they got married. I think the reason is because, by the time you guys got engaged, the special 50 percent offer that we\u2019re making this week had already expired.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say to our listeners, here, before we dive into what we\u2019re going to talk about\u2014this week and next week we do have a special offer for listeners. If you\u2019d like to attend one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways\u2014whether you\u2019re engaged, thinking about getting engaged, or you\u2019ve been married for a decade or two or three or four\u2014plan to join us at one of the 55 <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways we\u2019ll be hosting this spring in cities all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you register this week or next week, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. Call us if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or check out things, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online if you\u2019d like to; but again, the opportunity to save 50 percent off the regular registration is good this week or next week. Don\u2019t hesitate\u2014some of these getaways are going to be selling out here in the next week\u2014so don\u2019t hesitate. Plan to join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway; and again, you can register, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNancy, we talked a lot during the courtship about the rhythms of life for somebody who\u2019s been independent for 57 years. All of a sudden, it\u2019s not, \u201cWhat do I want to do today?\u201d All of a sudden, it\u2019s not, \u201cWhere do I think that should go?\u201d You had fallen into a very comfortable routine of autonomy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>\u2014and never had a man in my room\/in my bedroom. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I didn\u2019t sleep for months, it seemed like, after we got married. This was all so different for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; and now it\u2019s not your bedroom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>It\u2019s <em>our<\/em> bedroom; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014even though it\u2019s been <em>your<\/em> bedroom and decorated the way <em>you<\/em> wanted it for a long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Lots of flowers. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did <em>you<\/em> shift gears and go from leading yourself to being led?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>You know, so much of this comes back to your relationship with Christ. I don\u2019t mean to over-spiritualize this; because there were practical adjustments\u2014lots of them. It wasn\u2019t a month into our marriage that I\u2019m lying in bed one night with a whole set of circumstances that had gone a little topsy-turvy. I\u2019m thinking, as Robert is sleeping soundly and I can\u2019t sleep, and I\u2019m going, \u201cWhat in the world have I done?\u201d So there were those moments\u2014kind of panic-stricken. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, from the time I was saved, as a child, I had been learning, over all those years, to realize that I\u2019m not my own\u2014I belong to Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod can be trusted to write my story. I had tried to live my life\u2014not always well \/ I haven\u2019t always done this well\u2014but I tried to live my life with open hands, just saying: \u201cLord, what do You want for me? Do You want me to be single?\u2014I\u2019ll be single.\u201d And then, when it came to marriage\u2014which I had never contemplated seriously \/ never thought this would be God\u2019s plan for my life\u2014I <em>loved<\/em> serving the Lord, as a single woman. And then this prospect of marriage came into my life; and that was a struggle, initially. But the struggle was: \u201cIs this what God wants? And if it is,\u201d\u2014and I came to believe that it was\u2014\u201cthen, I can trust God for these adjustments; and we\u2019re making a covenant commitment to each other.\u201d That means, before the Lord, we\u2019re going to live this out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, yes\u2014that terror-stricken night a month into our marriage\u2014and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHow in the world are we ever going to do this?\u201d\u2014not because there was anything wrong with Robert\u2014it was just such a <em>huge<\/em> adjustment for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it wasn\u2019t, \u201c<em>Will<\/em> we make this work?\u201d\u2014it was: \u201cGod, just show us how to do this. I\u2019m all in. I\u2019m all in to bless this man. I\u2019m not going to just spew out words in that\u2014in the emotion of the moment would be easy to say. We\u2019re going to try to commit our speech, and our actions, and our attitudes to You\u2014live in a way that honors You. I\u2019m going to love this man, who is so gracious, and humble, and loveable\u201d; but there are moments when you just don\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> that same connection to each other, and then you make a choice. You say: \u201cGod led me here; and by God\u2019s grace, we\u2019re going to do this. We\u2019re going to do the loving thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were moments\u2014Robert talked earlier about how, each morning, I send a text to him\u2014says the same thing: \u201cGood morning, my beloved. I love you, my precious shepherd friend,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s a little thing I say each morning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, there have been a few mornings when there was something that we were still wrestling through, where I didn\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like sending that loving text. But every morning, I make that choice: \u201cI\u2019m going to say this loving thing, even if, in that moment, I may not feel like that,\u201d and then the feelings follow the choices and the actions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Nancy, you have a radio ministry. You get a lot of letters \/ a lot of emails\u2014hear a lot of stories from people, who come up after they\u2019ve been to one of your True Woman conferences; and they tell a different story. They\u2019re not married to a Robert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Yes, yes; and I often acknowledge that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re not married to a saint\u2014they\u2019re married to a man that they battle to respect \/ to somehow find something that he\u2019s doing right\u2014and they\u2019re not even relating to how you two are describing your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>I get that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019d like both of you to make a pass at speaking to a wife, who\u2019s in a marriage like that; and Ron, you can jump in here, too, especially if you\u2019re in a blended family. What would you advise her to do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the attitude she should take?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Well, you go back to Scripture. I know\u2014I\u2019ve talked with <em>so many<\/em> of these women, in very hard, very hurtful marriages. There are no simple answers; and there\u2019s no promise that whatever she does is going to fix this, certainly not in the short-term. But you go back to the Scripture\u2014and a wife, in a culture in the New Testament, where many of their husbands were not believers \/ they were not men who feared the Lord\u2014but the wife was instructed to reverence \/ to respect her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI saw a beautiful example of this on Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> the other day. A husband posted on Instagram a photo of a Post-It Note<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> his wife had left for him. The note says\u2014from his wife: \u201cI love you so. Thank you for our family. You are a magnificent man.\u201d Then this husband comments\u2014he said: \u201cWhen my wife left for Chicago the other day, she left this behind. If a Christian wife is to respect her husband\u2014Ephesians 5:33\u2014then I feel so respected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIn fact,\u201d\u2014here\u2019s the key\u2014\u201cyears ago, my wife decided that I wouldn\u2019t have to keep earning her respect. She decided respect would be a gift she\u2019d keep giving me in advance, which has inspired me to be a better man.\u201d And then he said, \u201cMy wife has massive power over me. [Laughter] So grateful.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>My message to husbands is what my wrestling coach\u2014I hated wrestling! Guys that are wrestlers: \u201cThat\u2019s the tough one; right? I mean, no glory\u2014nobody comes to a wrestling match\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2019s a tough sport.\u201d But my junior high wrestling coach said: \u201cYou gotta wanna,\u201d \u201cYou gotta wanna.\u201d This is Philippians 2:13\u2014God is at work within you, helping you to obey Him and then helping you do what He wants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t \/ nobody can get a guy to <em>want<\/em> this kind of relationship\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014no book is going to get that \/ no conversation. He has to start before the Lord, saying: \u201cYou know, Lord, I don\u2019t really want this; but I believe You do. So give me the \u2018wanna\u2019 \/ give me the desire to be the kind of husband my wife wants.\u201d And then you can begin to put the stuff together that makes it work; but no book is going to talk you into something you don\u2019t want.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ron, you\u2019ve had the occasion\u2014I\u2019m just thinking of Robert and Nancy. Here are two godly, spiritually-surrendered people. I think folks can hear this and go, \u201cAs long as you\u2019re really committed to the Lord and you love the Lord, sure you may have some bumps along the way, but your blended marriage isn\u2019t going to have huge challenges.\u201d You\u2019ve talked to spiritually godly people, who were completely blind-sided by the issues of a blended family; and who thought, going in, \u201cWe have the tools to deal with this,\u201d but they\u2019d never seen these problems before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; and it\u2019s easy to get stuck in a hurry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell-intending people \/ godly people, trying to do everything right, get blind-sided by the many dynamics around family living; around issues they didn\u2019t see coming; around an ex-spouse, in some cases, that is just wreaking havoc in your life and constantly rippling stress into your home through the children or what have you. There are just a lot of things that go on there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, our message to people at FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is: \u201cLearn as much as you can about all of that. The smarter you get about that, the better you\u2019re able to manage it.\u201d But at the end of the day, it is about the marriage; because when all that stuff is coming to you\u2014whether it\u2019s from the other household, or from children, or parents\/stepparents, stepchild relationships that are just under stress and strain\u2014if you don\u2019t come together, as a couple, and say: \u201cWow; you\u2019re my safe harbor,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t trust anything else going on in our world, but I trust you,\u201d you really aren\u2019t able to tackle any of that other stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what we\u2019re doing here today is <em>so<\/em> critical for all marriages, whether they\u2019re in a blended family or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to take us to some really very, very practical stuff. I know a young lady, who is married to a husband who just suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder. I mean, he just can\u2019t let go of the phone; he\u2019s constantly checking the screen; he is not looking her in the eye when he speaks to her. Robert, what would be the best coaching advice you would give that young man\u2014or that older man; okay?\u2014who\u2019s really having something that is competing with his wife for his attention?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>A long, long time ago, a man gave me <em>great<\/em> advice\u2014he said, \u201cMarriages that struggle or fail usually struggle or fail based on things that are not said, not things that are said.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some exceptions\u2014some guy flies off the handle and says some really unfortunate things to his wife and pays a price for that\u2014but most of the time, we suck that stuff up. You know, we see our mate doing something or looking at the phone, and we <em>act<\/em> our disapproval. We don\u2019t talk about it\u2014we <em>act<\/em> it out, which is far worse than talking about it, you know\u2014because if I\u2019m acting it out, the scenario that she is reading into that is far worse than words that I would speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I say, \u201cCan we talk about something?\u201d Always, that\u2019s a good idea\u2014to preface a <em>hard<\/em> conversation by saying that rather than diving right into it\u2014\u201cCan we talk about something? Maybe it\u2019s an hour from now; maybe it\u2019s tonight.\u201d And say, \u201cThis is troubling to me.\u201d Now, what you\u2019re doing is\u2014you\u2019re cashing in on your relationship \/ on the equity you have in your relationship; because if she doesn\u2019t care how you feel, then that\u2019s a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Or\u2014or if she doesn\u2019t feel safe in the relationship and feels like she\u2019s going to be attacked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s not going to be an inviting question, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>No; that\u2019s right. So then you address that\u2014whatever it is: \u201cYou know, all of us have this phone problem, and it\u2019s not going to get any better; right? So, let\u2019s talk about that\u2014let\u2019s talk about rules.\u201d For example, at mealtime, unless there\u2019s really something hot that\u2019s coming across the wires\u2014and Nancy needs to see it or I need to see it\u2014we park our phones \/ we do not look at our phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>\u2014or unless it\u2019s the last inning of a Cubs game. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014not just the last inning\u2014it\u2019s the fifth, or sixth, or ninth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>No; we park the phones. Robert\u2019s much better at that than I am; so this is something he\u2019s addressed in our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh really! Nancy, you\u2019re worse than him about this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Oh yes; oh yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Why is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>The phone thing?\u2014because I spent all those years living life with my phone, and working nonstop, and not needing to stop and pay attention for extended conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPlus, in my family of origin, we didn\u2019t talk things through. Robert came from a family that really just loved conversation\u2014his parents modeled that\u2014and so he has pressed, in tender and patient ways, \u201cWe\u2019re going to talk about this.\u201d He\u2019s not unkind about it \/ he\u2019s not harsh about it\u2014he says to me, \u201cYou can feel free to say anything.\u201d We know we\u2019re going to assume the best of each other \/ we\u2019re going to make allowances, but he\u2019s not going to let this thing go unaddressed. That\u2019s been a little harder for me, because I could have stuffed it more easily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>He\u2019s not going to let it get stuffed. We are going to talk about it, but not with the shouting and the ugliness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This attachment to the phone is often an attachment to career. As you described it, I was remembering my mom telling me, years ago, that my dad had said to her, when they were first married, \u201cMy work is going to take more than just the 40 hours a week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cYou just need to plan that, from Monday morning until Friday night, I need to stay focused on my work. Just leave me alone. I\u2019ll be there on the weekends to kind of help pitch in; but if I\u2019m going to provide the way I\u2019m going to provide, I need to do this.\u201d Now, both of them had come out of the Depression. They had been in situations where the family had scraped by. My dad, I think, was trying to be a good provider and saw that as a chief virtue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk to a young man, who says, \u201cI feel the burden of being a good provider; and sometimes, I feel like my wife is pulling me away from being able to do what I\u2019m supposed to do for the family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Well, I would say: \u201cHave some fun with that.\u201d I had a job from 1979 to 1984, and I was way over my skis\u2014I mean, I was way over my skis. There wasn\u2019t a person who worked with me who was younger than me; they were all older than me, with lots of experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Bobbie and I talked about that. We had weekly picnics at my office, because I was going to spend a late night at the office. But at dinnertime, she brought the girls\u2014they were very small then\u2014and a checkered tablecloth. On the floor of my office, she set up a picnic. We\u2019d play hide-and-seek in the dark halls of this office; and if you talk to the girls now, they will remember that very well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of pushing against me and shaming me\u2014making me feel guilty\u2014Bobbie joined in the journey, and we had fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me give you one other scenario. I had a colleague, years ago, who\u2014I watched this happen \/ I don\u2019t know that I ever spoke to him about it\u2014but during the course of the workday, his wife would call, sometimes, ten times a day with a question \/ with a thought. She was a very needy wife. Here\u2019s a guy, who\u2019s trying to focus on what he\u2019s been hired to do; and he\u2019s getting interrupted regularly by his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow does a husband address that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Talk about it \/ say it\u2014see? He can act it out\u2014he can be ticked off that she\u2019s interrupting this meeting: \u201cYes; what?\u201d when he answers the phone. Back in that day, probably, they didn\u2019t have the cell phone, which is an enemy to this guy. So, what you do is\u2014you say, \u201cSweetheart, I\u2019m eager to talk to you; but there are times during the day I just can\u2019t,\u201d and maybe there is a situation where he can help her identify a word picture that she could identify with him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, what I would say to him is: \u201cBeat her to that punch,\u201d and every once in a while, text, \u201cI love you.\u201d Don\u2019t just wait for her to get to you; every once in a while, when you think about her\u2014now, I had this fun Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> campaign when the book was released\u2014and one of the tweets was: \u201cA random \u2018I love you\u2019 text means a lot more to her than you can imagine. Just ask her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a tweet that I sent out. Or I said: \u201cShe\u2019s looking for a shepherd, not a cowboy. Just ask her.\u201d So I had some fun with that. But take some initiative\u2014don\u2019t just be the recipient of that. And talk to her about it\u2014don\u2019t act it out\u2014talk to her about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re actually hitting on the next question I had for you, which is about bringing happiness to your wife. What are the best three things\u2014[Laughter]\u2014the best three things you\u2019ve done. And before <em>you<\/em> answer\u2014Nancy, you tell us a couple that made you happy that Robert did for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Well, we do laugh a lot together. We have <em>great<\/em> conversations, and we\u2019re at a season of life where we don\u2019t have little children underfoot. We have that luxury of being able to have, sometimes, quiet dinners and the ability to talk. We have enjoyed, seriously, following the Cubs. I didn\u2019t know what a baseball was, hardly, before we got married\u2014I was much more into football. But when I found out that Cubs were something that my husband enjoy, I set out to enjoy the Cubs too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I do! And we do it together\u2014it\u2019s something we share. So, we do fun things together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Didn\u2019t you buy tickets and surprise him one week?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>I did; I did before we were married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>Yes; but we have some games we play together. I mean, we both work hard\u2014we work long hours; we have a lot of relationships we\u2019re working to maintain; our lives are full\u2014but we pause \/ we stop; we enjoy taking rides, seeing God\u2019s creation. It\u2019s been a\u2014we have some beautiful seasons in Michigan, where we live, and we stop\u2014Robert\u2019s better at this than I am\u2014stopping and smelling the flowers, so to speak, and <em>noticing<\/em> things. He draws me into that, and we enjoy doing that together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of his shepherding me\u2014is helping me to breathe; because I\u2019ve lived a pretty margin-less life for a lot of years, where there was no day and night, no\u2014just this crazy life of a single, who has a very demanding responsibility. Robert helps me stop, sit down to eat a meal, carry on a conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese things have been good for my soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So Robert, hold your three ideas really quickly\u2014they have to be fast\u2014but Bob, tell them how they can get a copy of <em>Like the Shepherd, <\/em>the book that Robert\u2019s written about how men can love and lead their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I will. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order your copy from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd by the way, on our website, or when you call, you can get information about the spring season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways that we have going on. We\u2019ll have more than 50 getaways happening in cities all across the country this spring. This is a <em>great<\/em> opportunity for husbands and wives to spend some <em>concentrated<\/em> time learning about God\u2019s design for marriage and enjoying a nice getaway weekend at the same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up this week or next week for one of our getaways, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee\u2014that\u2019s the best offer we make all year long\u2014and it\u2019s available this week or next week. Find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online or call to register; or if you have any questions: 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s been our privilege this week to talk to a couple of friends\u2014Ron Deal, as well, in the studio\u2014joining Nancy and Robert Wolgemuth. I asked, a few moments ago, Robert, for you to share three of the <em>best<\/em> things you\u2019ve done as the shepherd \/ as the shepherd who brought happiness to Nancy. Real quickly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Alright; starting with: \u201cLaugh at yourself. Don\u2019t take yourself too seriously.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe time that we spend right before I go to sleep, because I usually go to sleep first\u2014we\u2019re cuddling, and Nancy\u2019s head is in the crook of my shoulder. We\u2019re reviewing the day, and we\u2019re remembering funny things. The other night, we were <em>howling<\/em>, just tucked in like that\u2014so: \u201cDon\u2019t take yourself too seriously. Find moments like that, where it\u2019s uninterrupted.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, have a little game that you can play\u2014like, we have a word game called Quiddler. We\u2019ll look at each other and say, \u201cHow about a game of Quiddler?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I would say, \u201cDon\u2019t watch TV,\u201d because TV is an incredibly <em>passive<\/em> experience. You\u2019re sitting there, looking at a screen, not at each other \/ it\u2019s not interactive. Now, sometimes, it\u2019s good to do that; but I would say I\u2019d put TV-watching <em>way down<\/em> on the list. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, those things: \u201cDon\u2019t take yourself too seriously,\u201d \u201cFind a place,\u201d and \u201cHave games that you play\u2014literally, little board games or whatever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you play \u201cWords with Friends\u201d with Nancy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>I don\u2019t, because she\u2019s too good. [Laughter] She and your wife have a game that\u2019s gone on for what?\u2014six years? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right. I have screen shots of plays that Mary Ann\u2019s made against Nancy, where she goes: \u201cLook at what I did right there. That was 100 points! Yes!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy: <\/strong>I\u2019m showing Robert my screen shots.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Yes; yes, she is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; yes, this deteriorated really quickly. Okay; we have to wrap up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoin us back tomorrow. Steve and Misty Arterburn are going to be with us. We\u2019re going to talk about how we move a marriage from bland to spicy; alright? Hope you can tune in for that. We\u2019ll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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