{"id":300099,"date":"2019-03-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-03-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/loving-teens-with-the-gospel\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:17","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:17","slug":"loving-teens-with-the-gospel","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loving-teens-with-the-gospel\/","title":{"rendered":"Loving Teens with the Gospel"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Drew Hill | Series: Alongside | Pastor Drew Hill invites parents to see their teens through the lens of the gospel. Letting teens know how much God loves them is a great place to start. Hill believes teens run toward things that bring them comfort and affirmation. Hill encourages parents to ask good questions, like Jesus did, rather than always issue a command.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Drew Hill invites parents to see their teens through the lens of the gospel. Hill encourages parents to ask good questions, like Jesus did, rather than always issue a command.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Pastor Drew Hill invites parents to see their teens through the lens of the gospel, ask good questions, like Jesus did, rather than always issue a command.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-03-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:21","filesize":"26.87M","filesize_raw":"28175946","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2867,2806,2855],"tags":[4161,4159,4160,4158],"podcast_series":[7180],"cwp_profile":[8809],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300099","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-church-involvement","category-spiritual-development","category-teens","tag-community","tag-gospel","tag-youth-group","tag-youth-ministry","podcast_series-alongside","cwp_profile-drew-hill","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300099\/loving-teens-with-the-gospel","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300099\/loving-teens-with-the-gospel","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"jFD9pv0rYU\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loving-teens-with-the-gospel\/\">Loving Teens with the Gospel<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loving-teens-with-the-gospel\/embed\/#?secret=jFD9pv0rYU\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Loving Teens with the Gospel&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"jFD9pv0rYU\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Pastor Drew Hill invites parents to see their teens through the lens of the gospel. Hill encourages parents to ask good questions, like Jesus did, rather than always issue a command.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-03-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. How can we, as parents, make sure we\u2019re not simply influencing our children\u2019s spiritual behavior or performance but actually helping them develop a genuine sense of what it means to walk with God? We\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things I\u2019ve observed\u2014I don\u2019t know if this was the case with your boys but\u2014I\u2019ve observed that as kids get into middle school\u2014sometimes, before middle school\u2014they start to send signals to mom and dad that are: \u201cI\u2019ve got life covered now; I don\u2019t need you anymore.\u201d \u201cYou can kind of leave me on my own. I can take control of things from here.\u201d And some parents fall for that; you know what I mean? They back off and go: \u201cOh, okay sweetheart. If you\u2019ve got it, we\u2019ll let you go from here.\u201d\n\nThe parent who falls for that needs to recognize your kids don\u2019t know what they\u2019re talking about! They still need <em>you<\/em> in their lives whether they think they do or not.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I agree. I think <em>most <\/em>parents fall for that. I think <em>I<\/em> was about to fall for that. I was at a FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>,<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> speaking with Mick Yoder\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014remember that name?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I do!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He was 15-18 years ahead of me\u2014had boys\/had, you know, kids. I remember sitting there, as the co-speaker, thinking, \u201cI am learning from this older gentleman.\u201d He said: \u201cPursue\u2014pursue\u2014pursue your teenage kids, because they\u2019re going to pull away; and most parents just say, \u2018Oh, I\u2019m done!\u2019 You have to go after them.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s easy to pull away, because you\u2019re exhausted by the time they\u2019re 12 or 13. So if they go, \u201cWe don\u2019t need you!\u201d you go, \u201cThank you, because I\u2019m worn out anyway!\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They can shatter your feelings. I\u2019ll never forget\u2014my youngest son would be like, \u201c<em>Please Mom,<\/em> lay in bed with me and read with me for a <em>long<\/em> time.\u201d Then this one day, I started picking up the covers to slide in\u2014just to read at night\u2014and he said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d [Laughter] I said, \u201cI was going to read.\u201d He goes, \u201cI don\u2019t want you to do that!\u201d I slunk out of the room, like, \u201cI\u2019m finished!\u201d It\u2019s so sad! That\u2019s the temptation\u2014that you think, \u201cI\u2019m no longer wanted or needed,\u201d that we all face.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today\u2014coming \u201c<em>Alongside\u201d<\/em> teenagers\u2014that\u2019s the title of a book written by our guest today, Drew Hill. Drew, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having me. This is a passion of mine\u2014to talk with parents and those that are friends with teenagers\u2014so I\u2019m really grateful to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The subtitle of the book is <em>Loving Teenagers with the Gospel<\/em>, and Drew knows something about that. He and Natalie have been married for 14 years; they\u2019ve got 3 kids. He\u2019s a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill\u2014proud of that; right?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Go Hills! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He is also a pastor in Greensboro, North Carolina, and has worked with Young Life<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\nYou said this is a passion of yours. How did it become a passion?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> When I was 13 years old, I was at a church camp called Laurel Ridge in the mountains of North Carolina. Our camp speaker that week was a guy named Chris Rice. He was the Christian musician who sang <em>The Cartoon Song<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Maybe you remember Chris.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember Chris.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh yes!\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> He did our music the year before and then came back and spoke the next year. He was a hero of mine, just from the moment I met him. All week long, he was just speaking about God\u2019s love at camp. I had grown up in our church\u2014my dad was on staff at church\u2014I knew about God\u2019s love. I went up to him after one talk and I said: \u201cChris, I know God loves me. Tell me what to do. Help me figure out how to live this life.\u201d\n\nAnd he said, \u201cDrew, I don\u2019t think you really know how much God loves you.\u201d There was just such tenderness in his eyes when he said that to me. He said, \u201cIf you could just <em>grasp<\/em> how much your Father <em>delights in you and loves you<\/em>, then you would not be so worried about what to do; because it would be just a love response back to Him.\u201d In that conversation, I felt the Lord begin to crack open this legalistic heart that I had built up\u2014of just wanting to be the best, and wanting to be right, and wanting to be perfect. That week, I felt God call me into full-time youth ministry.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How do you coach somebody to say, \u201cMeditate on God\u2019s love and experience it at a deeper level than you\u2019ve experienced it before\u201d?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> What if we woke up in the morning\u2014and instead of looking at our screen, and looking at our to-do list, and trying to figure out: \u201cHow do we win the day?\u201d \u201cHow do we succeed today?\u201d\u2014what if we woke up in the morning and our prayer was: \u201cGod, how do You want to love me today? Father, how do You want to show Your deep love for me today?\u201d\u2014and that was our posture when we began our day? Because, so often, in this fear-based culture that we live in, we wake up thinking, \u201cWhat is going to go <em>wrong<\/em> today?\u201d We have this idea\u2014whether we want to vocalize it or not\u2014that God might not be <em>for<\/em> us; and yet, God <em>longs<\/em> for us to approach Him as a child!\n\nThe biggest change that\u2019s ever happened in my relationship with the Lord happened on July 19<sup>th<\/sup>, 2009\u2014when our first daughter was born. [Emotion in voice] When Honey was born, and I held her in my arms for the first time, I just <em>grasped<\/em> in such a new way how our Father feels about me. I wonder what it would be like for us to imagine what it would be like to just be held by our Father.\n\nI know there are a lot of people with more analytical brains, who are like, \u201cDrew, I\u2019m not going to go using my imagination and be held by my Father.\u201d [Laughter] But a big part of adulthood feels like\u2014is becoming rational, and putting our childhood behind us, and moving forward into a more rational realm. Yet God has given us this gift of our imaginations, and He\u2019s given us this gift of childhood. Over and over again in Scripture, how do the apostles and the gospel writers refer to us?\u2014as children. What does it look like for us to <em>remember<\/em> that that is our identity?\u2014that we are children of God.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You refer to teenagers as \u201crunaways.\u201d What do you mean by that?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> I think we\u2019re all runaways. I think teenagers have a harder time hiding it. Most of us, you know, run away in different ways\u2014we run to things that are going to bring us comfort; we run to things that are going to bring us affirmation\/to things that are going to give us attention. We run to those things looking for that <em>life<\/em>. Yet teenagers, so often, run to those things in a way where they can\u2019t mask their mistakes as well as we adults can.\n\nThey\u2019ve run to these other things, looking to lesser gods to find that satisfaction; and they don\u2019t often realize where they\u2019re going and where they\u2019re running to. Part of our call, as adults, is to come alongside of them and show them where they\u2019re running, and show them how they\u2019ve gotten off track, and where the true destination is; and that is, being delighted in by their Father.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Drew, you have a story. Did you run away?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> In a sense. I didn\u2019t run away like a lot of people envision teenagers running. I was very moral and didn\u2019t watch an \u201cR\u201d-rated movie until I was 25; didn\u2019t have a drop of alcohol until I was 30; and was kind of [Laughter] scared into, you know, being a virgin until I got married.\n\nI <em>knew<\/em> that God loved me, as I shared\u2014since I was in eighth grade and that moment with Chris at that camp\u2014but still, so much of my faith was trying to prove my worth and get my acceptance from God. Instead of running to the normal teenage traps, I ran towards legalism, and success, and trying to <em>prove<\/em> my value and <em>prove<\/em> my worth. I think that\u2019s the danger with a lot of kids\u2014is they\u2019re going to run one way or the other. One way <em>looks<\/em> worse, but they\u2019re both running away from God.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s interesting that you\u2014as you mention that, it sounds like\u2014as I\u2019m sure you\u2019re thinking the same thing\u2014the prodigal son\u2019s story in Luke 15.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You have the son running away; and you have the elder brother, who\u2019s stayed at home; but when you look at both of them: one\u2019s a moralist; one\u2019s a wild man. They\u2019re both <em>far<\/em> from the heart of the father\u2014\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in different ways, so they both are runaways.\n\nIn a way, you did\u2014just in a different sense\u2014and <em>yet<\/em>, you come home to the Father. You can describe these moments with tears in your eyes. So what does it look like, now, for you to come alongside to help somebody experience what you\u2019re experiencing?\u2014because <em>most<\/em> don\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> For me, it\u2019s\u2014it\u2019s really trying to enter into where they are running and understanding what they\u2019re running to\u2014and helping them discover it. I think a lot of adults just want to hammer kids with, \u201cThis is what you need to be doing.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> But the real way that we change is through discovery. The real way that we change is understanding and seeing it for ourselves.\n\nA big part of working with teenagers\u2014and loving them well and coming alongside them\u2014is just asking good questions. In our interaction with teenagers\u2014think about <em>your<\/em> interaction, as parents, with your kids\u2014you know, so much more it\u2019s: \u201cHey, you need to do this,\u201d \u201cDid you wash the dishes?\u201d \u201cDid you brush your teeth?\u201d instead of asking good questions; because it\u2019s hard work!\u2014asking good questions that are thoughtful is <em>hard<\/em> work. It\u2019s <em>way<\/em> easier to give commands and tell people what to do.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You described yourself as somebody who didn\u2019t touch alcohol until 30 or watch an \u201cR\u201d-rated movie until 25. I\u2019m thinking parents are going: \u201cOkay; how did your parents do that? [Laughter] That\u2019s what I want for my kid! I want my kid to grow up and be \u2018Drew,\u2019\u201d\u2014and yet, you\u2019re saying that should not be our goal?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> No; you know, one of the things that I\u2019ve been wrestling with now\u2014in my role as a pastor at our church\u2014is: \u201cHow do we train up kids from birth until 18?\u201d and \u201cHow do we actually <em>form<\/em> them?\u2014not just in the things we\u2019re teaching them\u2014but in <em>how<\/em> we\u2019re teaching it?\u201d\n\nI think, with my interaction with kids, I\u2019ve kind of come to this place, where I\u2019ve realized <em>how<\/em> they are learning\/<em>how<\/em> they are being formed is just as important\u2014if not more\u2014as to the messages and the words that we\u2019re using with them. Are we allowing their bodies to be involved? Are we allowing them to really experience being an adolescent, or are we trying to force them to be an adult too soon? Are we allowing them to experience being a child?\n\nFor me, I was entertained a lot as a Christian kid. I knew a lot of Scripture verses, because I knew a lot of songs. I memorized all these things, and I was in all these Christian plays\u2014it was really fun for me\u2014but what\u2019s really difficult for me now, as a 40-year-old, is those spiritual disciplines\u2014and those times of quiet and those times of getting on my knees, when no one is looking\u2014because so much of my childhood was in the public sphere.\n\nIf we really want kids to grow into mature Christian adults, then we\u2019ve got to really focus on: \u201cHow do we develop those private disciplines that no one will ever see?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to make sure\u2014because I think this is really important\u2014you said the \u201chow,\u201d as we raise our kids, is as important as the \u201cwhat.\u201d\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is <em>as<\/em> important\u2014it\u2019s not <em>more<\/em> important\u2014there are some people that will fall off the other side and say, \u201cIt\u2019s not what you teach them; it\u2019s how you teach them.\u201d\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> No; no\u2014they go, hand in hand. We\u2019ve got to keep the Word of God the central truth. I\u2019m not saying that at all [that how is more important than what is taught]. I\u2019m just saying: \u201cWe really need to think through: \u2018What are we teaching kids as we\u2019re engaging them in this entertaining\u2026? Are we teaching them that being a Christian is always fun?\u2019\u201d\n\nBecause, honestly, when we look at Scripture and the whole body of Scripture\u2014there\u2019s a lot of lamenting going on; there\u2019s a lot of crying out; there\u2019s a lot of people just spending time alone with God, wrestling in prayer. How do we incorporate that into <em>how<\/em> we\u2019re raising our kids?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You talk about this in you book, but talk about vulnerability. As a parent\/as a pastor\u2014how much is caught? How much is taught?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> <em>Way more<\/em> is caught! I mean, <em>way more<\/em> is caught.\n\nI was visiting with my friend, Holly, in Nashville a couple months ago. Her dad is wrestling with Alzheimer\u2019s, and he\u2019s probably in his 70\u2019s now. She talked about how, ever since she was a kid, she would come down the stairs at her house and she would find her dad, on his knees in prayer, or sitting in his recliner, reading God\u2019s Word.\n\nNow, he lives with her; and she still finds him doing that, even though he\u2019s struggling with memory loss\u2014every day, the same thing. She talked about how that has formed her and shaped her,\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> \u2014as an adult, who\u2019s my age now.\n\nI so long for my kids to have those memories of me; but that temptation for me that\u2019s there is to just pick up my phone, and want to start getting things done, and being productive instead of doing the things that, often, we can\u2019t see the actual productivity value in. We have got to <em>fight<\/em> to raise our kids in a way where <em>they<\/em> are watching us model for them the things that are done in secret.\n\nWell, how do we do that?\u2014because we\u2019re supposed to be doing them in secret. I think it means that we\u2019re going to have to spend a lot of time\u2014spending time alone with the Lord\u2014and eventually, our kids will catch us. That\u2019s what we want\u2014them to catch us.\n\n<strong>Drew: <\/strong>I remember Ann and I had diligent plans for how to raise our sons, spiritually\u2014and to pour into them Bible study five times, retreats, mission trips\u2014we did all that. A few years ago, my youngest preached at our church\u2014he was in college at the time. He gives this <em>fiery<\/em> message; right? We\u2019re just sitting there, as his mom and dad, like: \u201cWow! He\u2019s on fire!\u201d It was really cool\u2014he\u2019s in ministry up at school.\n\nAnyway, these guys at our church\u2014they have a men\u2019s group\u2014were having a retreat. They said: \u201cHey, we don\u2019t need you to come speak at the retreat. It\u2019s local; will you come and have dinner with us, and we can ask you questions about being a dad?\u201d I said: \u201cOh yes! That will be great! I\u2019ll come over.\u201d They go: \u201cHey! Is there any chance your son could come? He\u2019s on fire! It\u2019d be really cool to hear a father\/son,\u201d\u2014right?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He actually played football\u2014he\u2019s in the Bowl game. They\u2019re on a break\u2014Bowl game\u2019s over\u2014Cody says, \u201cI\u2019ll go with you.\u201d So we go over, and we sit down\u2014this is <em>classic<\/em>\u2014and they go: \u201cHey, so I\u2019ve got the most important question,\u201d\u2014about 20 guys\u2014\u201cCody, you\u2019re on fire right now. What\u2019d your dad do to help you be on fire like you are, as a 20-year-old, for Jesus?\u201d\n\nI\u2019m <em>not<\/em> kidding\u2014I\u2019m sitting there, and here\u2019s what I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOh man, what\u2014which one of the thousand things is he going to pick?\u201d And I\u2019m rolling through my Rolodex in my brain, like: \u201cWe did <em>this<\/em>, with the mission trip\u2026\u201d I\u2019m just sitting there; I don\u2019t say a word. I just look over; and he was sitting there, like this\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOh man, he can\u2019t even pick which one; he\u2019s got so many to pick from!\u201d\u2014right?\n\n<em>Finally<\/em>, he goes, \u201cOh, he did one thing.\u201d And I look at him, like, \u201cWhat <em>one<\/em> thing?\u201d And he goes: \u201cHe lived it. I don\u2019t remember a single Bible study. I don\u2019t remember a single thing he ever preached on. I just saw his struggles; but I saw him walk with God, and that\u2019s what changed my life.\u201d That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying!\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you\u2014I mean, it\u2019s all through your book\u2014when you write about coming alongside\/alongside, which is\u2014obviously, Jesus came alongside\u2014but you talk so much about it\u2019s got to be real so that it overflows to be caught.\n\nNow, you\u2019re a <em>dad<\/em>\u2014\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014how\u2019s that working out?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> You know, there\u2019s nothing more convicting than having your daughter say, \u201cDad will you please put down your phone and listen to me?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been doing a lot of these interviews since the book came out. I\u2019ve been gone a lot more than normal; and my oldest daughter, Honey, sent me a voice text a few\u2014like a month ago\u2014and she said\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How old is she, Drew?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> She\u2019s nine.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> \u2014she said: \u201cDaddy, I just miss you. I wish that you would just come home.\u201d [Emotion in voice] She\u2019s like, \u201cI know your book is helping people, but I just miss you.\u201d So that\u2019s when I told Natalie: \u201cI\u2019m going to start doing less of these,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to start taking her with me as much as I can.\u201d She\u2019s an incredible, godly, nine-year-old; she\u2019s got a gift of communicating; but I really want to\u2014her to not be left and me to neglect walking alongside my <em>own<\/em> daughter as I\u2019m trying to help other people.\n\nThat\u2019s been a really convicting thing for me. Thankfully, I\u2019m married to a very wise woman, who helps me determine my \u201cYes\u2019s\u201d and my \u201cNo\u2019s.\u201d She really models this with our own kids. I see Jesus more in Natalie than I see in anybody, because she is very vulnerable with our kids\u2014she is quick to apologize when she messes up. She\u2019s quick to get on her knees and look them in the eye and say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Our kids see Jesus when they see her.\n\nI think the best gift that we can give our kids is for us to just know Christ and for us to allow Him to transform us to look more like Him. If we really want our kids to grow into godly men and woman, the best thing we can do is to get to know Jesus ourselves.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Drew, what does it look like\u2014when you talked about when you were growing up and you were being entertained and you were going and doing all these things\u2014practically speaking, let\u2019s go back and talk about: \u201cWhat does it look like? <em>How<\/em> do we spend time alone?\u201d You\u2019ve already mentioned modeling it.\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What are you doing with your kids now to get them to develop that inner personal walk with Jesus?\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> The night before I came here, I sent Honey into her room. We had some of our family members over, and Honey has a hard time falling asleep at night.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way\u2014\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Yes?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014what a great name!\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to call your daughter Honey! \u201cCome here, Honey!\u201d That\u2019s awesome!\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> It\u2019s pretty fun. Anybody who meets her\u2014you know, she thinks they know her already; because we live in North Carolina, where people call you Honey [Laughter] if they don\u2019t know you. She just feels really known, which is an important thing to feel in our culture.\n\nThe other night, I asked Honey if she would go and read Mark 5 and the story of Jairus and the woman who was bleeding. I told her, \u201cI want you to go read it; and then, I want you to come back and you tell me what you\u2019ve read.\u201d She came back in the room and just\u2014her face was lit up. She just told me every detail, and she <em>imagined<\/em> the other details.\n\nWe talk about: \u201cWhat does it look like to imagine?\u201d\u2014what it <em>smelled<\/em> like when Jesus was there, and what it <em>sounded<\/em> like\u2014how many other people were around?\u2014and what were <em>they<\/em> doing while Jesus was listening to this woman\u2019s story? I try to help her use this gift of imagination to understand Scripture and what was really going on\u2014and to know that it wasn\u2019t\u2014it\u2019s not just a myth\/it\u2019s not just a story that someone wrote down\u2014but it was an actual, historical account of something that happened 2000 years ago.\n\nShe comes back in; I say: \u201cIsn\u2019t that incredible that Jesus did that?\u2014and that everybody else didn\u2019t believe?\u2014but Jesus <em>knew<\/em> that He can heal this girl? He didn\u2019t have to hurry and that He listened to this other woman\u2019s whole story.\u201d I\u2019m just trying to cultivate this desire in her to fall in love with Jesus; because I\u2019m convinced, if we can get kids to understand who Jesus truly is, then they can\u2019t help but fall in love with Him; because there\u2019s <em>no one<\/em> else in the world like Him.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I want to develop that next time we talk; because here\u2019s one of the things that you think: \u201cWhat is God\u2019s heart for the prodigal? What is God\u2019s heart for that son or daughter that pulls away from the parent or from God\u2014what is His heart?\u201d You\u2019re explaining it. You\u2019re explaining it in such a way I want to end this session, right now, and go home and be with my kids!\u2014that\u2019s really what I\u2019m thinking about\u2014but I want to hear that\u2014I want to hear you talk about: \u201cWhat is God\u2019s heart toward that one who is far from Him?\u201d I think it will surprise us.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We started today talking about the fact that kids reach an age, where they start to push you out. The message for moms and dads, here, is: \u201cDon\u2019t fall into that. Continue to pursue.\u201d\n\nIf they\u2019re off on their own\u2014and they may think like the prodigal son thought, \u201cI\u2019m ready to be off on my own,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Drew:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014or they may think\u2014like moralistic Drew Hill thought, when he was 15\u2014\u201cI got this all wired together; and I\u2019m going to do all the right things and punch all the right buttons; and it\u2019s all going to work out well for me.\u201d Your kids continue to need you to be their guide, and to be their friend, and to be their companion\u2014and that is central to what you talk about in the book, <em>Alongside: Loving Teenagers with the Gospel<\/em>.\n\nIt\u2019s a book that our guest today, Drew Hill, has written. We\u2019ve got copies of it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center\u2014great book for moms and dads of teens to read together. Again, the title is <em>Alongside: Loving Teenagers with the Gospel<\/em>. You can request a copy when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get your copy. Again, the title of the book: <em>Alongside<\/em> by Drew Hill. Order from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then then word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nI have been encouraged\u2014I know you guys have been encouraged as well\u2014by the notes we\u2019ve been getting from listeners, who have enjoyed getting to know you two as you have stepped in to the role, here, as hosts of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re new to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, or if it\u2019s been awhile since you\u2019ve listened, Dave and Ann Wilson have stepped into the role as hosts of this program. They\u2019ve written a book called <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> that includes a lot of\u2014well, really a lot of your story of how God was at work in your own life and marriage and lessons you\u2019ve learned along the way.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019d love to send you a copy of the book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for your ongoing support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. It\u2019s our gift to you to help you get to know Dave and Ann Wilson better and to say, \u201cThank you for partnering with us to help expand the reach of this ministry so more people, more regularly, can be reached with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and family.\u201d\n\nIn fact, when you make a donation, that\u2019s what you\u2019re helping to accelerate. You\u2019re helping more young couples\/more moms and dads understand what the Bible says about how we walk alongside each other in our marriages and in our families. If you\u2019re a long-time listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation to support the ministry, we\u2019d love to hear from you today. If you\u2019re a new listener, you\u2019re certainly welcome to donate as well. We hope you\u2019ll keep listening. You can find out more about the ministry, or you can make a donation, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you make a donation, ask for your copy of the book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, by Dave and Ann Wilson. We\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\n\nAs we\u2019ve talked about the importance of a strong relationship with our teenagers, the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, has been here. He\u2019s got some thoughts for us on the importance and power of transparency and authenticity as we raise our kids. David\u2014\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> One of the things I\u2019ve learned, in processing with teenagers, is we may impress teenagers with our strengths; but we <em>connect<\/em> with teenagers through sharing our weaknesses. I don\u2019t think that necessarily means sharing every one of our darkest moments in life, but it probably does mean sharing how you\u2019re tempted to find life in sources other than Jesus right now\u2014in our present day\/in our current life.\n\nAll of us still, regularly, are tempted by the enemy to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways in our lives. I\u2019m reminded of Jeremiah 2 when God calls out His people and says: \u201cYou\u2019ve committed two sins against Me. One, you\u2019ve forgotten the source of the living water\u201d\u2014Him\u2014\u201cand two, you\u2019ve sought to satisfy yourselves with broken cisterns\u2014cisterns that will not satisfy and hold water.\u201d\n\nI think one of the more formative things we can do for the teenagers in our lives\u2014who are <em>keenly<\/em> aware when our sin surfaces and comes out sideways and affects them\u2014is model for them what it is to recognize, confess, experience forgiveness and return to Jesus as the source\u2014and invite them in on the process.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If they don\u2019t see us do that, they\u2019ll never learn how to do it themselves; will they?\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you, David. In fact, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk more about why it\u2019s so important for us to make sure that there is strong relational glue with our teenagers as we walk through those years with them. I hope you can be back with us for that tomorrow.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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