{"id":300077,"date":"2019-03-08T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-03-08T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/bullies-bullied-and-bystanders\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:16","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:16","slug":"bullies-bullied-and-bystanders","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/bullies-bullied-and-bystanders\/","title":{"rendered":"Bullies, Bullied, and Bystanders"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jonathan McKee reminds us that every child is either the bully, bullied, or a bystander. McKee advises parents to discuss proper phone usage early on with their kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-03-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:33:18","filesize":"30.5M","filesize_raw":"31978294","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[4137,4143,4140,4138,4142,4141],"podcast_series":[7175],"cwp_profile":[3244],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300077","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-bullying","tag-cyberbullying","tag-how-parents-can-help-if-their-child-is-being-bullied","tag-how-to-handle-bullies","tag-smartphones","tag-social-media","podcast_series-the-bullying-breakthrough","cwp_profile-jonathan-mckee","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300077\/bullies-bullied-and-bystanders","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300077\/bullies-bullied-and-bystanders","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vbAGQ32SfS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/bullies-bullied-and-bystanders\/\">Bullies, Bullied, and Bystanders<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/bullies-bullied-and-bystanders\/embed\/#?secret=vbAGQ32SfS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Bullies, Bullied, and Bystanders&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vbAGQ32SfS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Jonathan McKee reminds us that every child is either the bully, bullied, or a bystander. McKee advises parents to discuss proper phone usage early on with their kids.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-03-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. When was the last time your son or daughter was mocked, or ridiculed, or belittled\/bullied? We\u2019re going to explore that subject today with Jonathan McKee. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking about a very common phenomenon this week. If you don\u2019t think your kids are doing it, or having it done to <em>them<\/em>, or watching it done to others, then you\u2019re just not tuned in. We\u2019re talking about bullying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Dave, there is part of me that goes: \u201cWe don\u2019t want to raise snowflakes who, you know, if somebody says, \u2018Oh, your shoes untied,\u2019 they go in the corner and they can\u2019t function anymore\u201d; but at the same time, there is a lot of very aggressive, very hurtful and hateful things that are happening in real life\u2014and now\u2014online through devices, and on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and social media\u2014that are really sending many of our sons and daughters into a tailspin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s crazy to think of the world we live in today. I mean, I know we grew up in a day, where there was no internet\/there was no cyber aspect to this. Yet, we saw bullying. Now, magnify that times 1,000 or a 100,000\u2014that\u2019s the world our kids are living in. Every minute of every day, there\u2019s that potential of cyber bullying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And they carry it in their pockets; so it\u2019s with them in the morning, and it\u2019s with them before they go to bed at night\u2014so it\u2019s constant. It probably has way more influence, in some ways, than a parent in terms of time spent with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, Jonathan McKee is going to help us sort all of this out. Jonathan, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Oh, thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jonathan is the author of a book called <em>The Bullying Breakthrough<\/em>. He has spent\u2014is that right?\u2014decades\u2014you have spent multiple decades working with junior and high school kids and speaking about subjects like this all across the country. This book is designed, not so much for the kids; but for the moms and the dads and teachers\u2014for the grownups\u2014to help the three groups. You identify the three groups as the bullies, the bullied, and the bystanders. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn thinking about that\u2014I\u2019m thinking about the bullies: \u201cThere is a way to help bullies not be bullies?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. It\u2019s like what we\u2019ve already been talking about this week\u2014this is all about self-esteem. It\u2019s not just a kid is getting picked on that feels bad about themselves, but this bully feels bad. Like they say\u2014and I\u2019m paraphrasing\u2014it rolls downhill. Very often, the bully might be getting it at home or somewhere else; so they want to feel better about themselves, so they go in and bring someone else down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, as parents, may need to keep our eyes open for this; because our kid is probably one of these three: either the bully, the bullied, or the bystander. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What\u2019s the difference between bullying in real life and, now, social media\/cyber bullying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, cyber bullying is a new kind of hurt. Cyber bullying victims are the most likely to attempt suicide. As a matter of fact, bullying victims are twice as likely, compared to a kid who is not bullied, to attempt suicide; cyber bullyings are three times as likely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am sure there were some rough days for us, where maybe we endured some tough stuff at school; but for a lot of us, we had a safe place to go home to. That bell would ring at 2:30 or 2:45; and we would go home to this other world, where we didn\u2019t have to endure that kind of stuff until, maybe, the next morning at 7:45 or 8 am. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, now, when that bell rings at 2:30, kids enter a whole new world; and it\u2019s that world that\u2019s right there in their pocket. This world has no limitations, now; because most parents let kids take these devices with them everywhere. As a matter of fact, most of these devices follow them into the bedroom at night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, what do we do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing you\u2019re not going to say, \u201cGet rid of your phones,\u201d\u2014although I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve got some advice on how to <em>control<\/em> that\u2014but what do we do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014as parents? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> These phones\/the internet are a part of our world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Kids are going into their bedrooms with their phones, or they are looking at it every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes\u2014no; the answer isn\u2019t deny them phones; but it might be to <em>delay<\/em> because we are so quick in this country to just hand our kids devices. I mean, as we\u2019re sitting here right now, you can\u2019t get through a week without seeing some article from some expert talking about rethinking screens; you know? We saw a recent article, back in <em>The New York Times<\/em>, talking about the dark side of social media and how, in the Silicon Valley, all the Silicon Valley parents, who work with technology all the time, when they go away during the day, their instructions to the nannies are: \u201cTake them to the park; <em>no screens<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are more and more becoming aware that these screens aren\u2019t necessarily the greatest thing to just hand our kids; but we also live in a country where the average kid gets a smartphone at 10.3 years old. Of course, the first thing they want is\u2014they want to be on social media. The number-one social media that young people want to be on, at 11\/12 years old, is\u2014they want to be on Snapchat<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Well, guess what? If a little kid, who is 11 or 12 years old, goes to sign up for Snapchat or Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014because of the Federal Trade Commission\u2019s COPPA, which is the Children\u2019s Online Privacy Protection Act\u2014Snapchat will tell them: \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry. You\u2019re too young,\u201d because they enter in their birth date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, that kid will, of course, go back to school and be like, \u201cOh, I wasn\u2019t old enough.\u201d Well, their friend goes, \u201cHey, stupid; just change your birth year.\u201d \u201cOH!\u201d So, kids, then, lie about their age. That\u2019s why there are countless stories in that book about 12-year-olds, who are being <em>blasted<\/em> on social media. Their parents are like, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know, the simple thing, honestly\u2014if your 11- or 12-year-old is being blasted on social media\u2014is to say: \u201cHey, guess what? I\u2019m sorry; it\u2019s against the law. You\u2019re not even supposed to <em>be<\/em> on social media.\u201d The answer isn\u2019t, \u201cNo\u201d; it\u2019s just, \u201c<em>Not yet<\/em>.\u201d It starts with, you know, having some loving guard rails; and the guard rail of: \u201cI\u2019m not saying, \u2018No\u2019; but just like you\u2019re going to be able to drive a car when you\u2019re 16, if you want.\u201d They\u2019re like: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want that. I just want the smartphone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u201cWell, that\u2019s cool. You\u2019re going to be able to get that someday.\u201d We can have guard rails like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother guard rail that parents really should have\u2014that <em>really<\/em> could take a lot out of cyber bullying\u2014is no phones in the bedroom. They wouldn\u2019t be alone saying that because, from the American Academy of Pediatrics to The National Sleep Foundation\u2014I mean, again, here\u2019s something that all the experts are saying: \u201cDon\u2019t let your kids have that phone on their bedside all night. It\u2019s keeping them up at night. They are looking at all kinds of stuff they shouldn\u2019t be looking at anyway. They\u2019re also throwing snarky or just plain mean comments at each other.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Best practices, as we\u2019ve talked to parents about this: \u201cHave all of the phones by 9 or 10 at night in a common place, where everybody\u2019s off of them.\u201d That\u2019s just what we do as a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I would also sit down with your kids, and I\u2019d pull out last month\u2019s cell phone bill; and I say: \u201cLook here. Can you see where it shows when the calls are made or received? So, if you come down after Mom and Dad are in bed, and you get your phone and you get on your phone, I\u2019m going to know when this happens; and at that point, you\u2019re going to lose your phone for a week,\u201d or\u201d\u2026a month,\u201d\u2014or whatever you want to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can help your kids understand: \u201cThese are the rules of the house; and we love you\u2014this is why we\u2019re doing\u2014we do it for us. We all put our phones here. They sleep here at night just like we sleep in our rooms at night. If you decide you needed something in the middle of the night, I\u2019ll find out at some point; and there will be consequences for it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, Bob, our kids are so much savvier than that. There\u2019s no way they are going to text, or there is no way they are going to call. They are going to use some app, where there is no trace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> That\u2019s why it\u2019s even better to\u2014I mean, I tell parents all the time\u2014I say: \u201cHey, you know what? If you\u2019re going to do this\u201d\u2014because I\u2019ve had parents tell me the stories of their kids at 3 am, downstairs, grabbing that phone off the charger. You know, this is just a reality. Put it on your night stand right next to you. I joke with parents\u2014I say, \u201cAnd, then, crush a light bulb right on the ground right next to it. [Laughter] So, you can hear the crunching as they\u2026\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe kid will still be like, \u201cIt\u2019s worth it!\u201d This is something they want; and sadly, this is a tool they use for bullying all the time. It\u2019s one of those areas where we can just, as parents, say: \u201cHey, you know what? We can kind of save them from that.\u201d Honestly, when you\u2019re 15 and 16, they are going to still be dealing with this during the day; but at least, they won\u2019t be plagued with it throughout the evening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I think most parents\u2014you tell me; you\u2019re the expert\u2014don\u2019t understand the problem\u2014they\u2019re like: \u201cThere is no big deal. I give my kid a phone. He\u2019s 12\/14. You guys are really over\u2014you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201coverreacting.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cdramatizing how bad it is. There\u2019s not that big a deal.\u201d They really are clueless. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; whenever somebody surveys young people and asks them to be honest about what they are doing with their devices and their phones\u2014there was a recent survey, again, from Common Sense Media, who constantly is polling parents and kids on this subject. They asked young people; and the overwhelming majority of young people said, \u201cIf my parents knew what went on\u2014on social media\u2014they wouldn\u2019t allow me on social media.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We have some good friends\u2014because they\u2019ve seen the interaction of their daughter on social media\/cyber bullying\u2014she was really struggling with depression. They said she was becoming a different person: she was rebelling; she was doing things they weren\u2019t\u2014she was sneaking at night. They took away her phone for a <em>year<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014a <em>year<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Junior year in high school, I think. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I said, \u201cCould you put up with that, for a year, of her in your ear?\u201d They said: \u201cIt changed her life. She came back to the person that she used to be. At the end of the year, she thanked us.\u201d She said: \u201cI was trapped, and I didn\u2019t know how to get out. Thank you for saving me,\u201d\u2014which, that was extreme\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and bold, but their daughter never got back into that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> And that\u2019s a tough situation; because I have parents ask me all the time\u2014they\u2019ll sit there and say: \u201cWell, wait. I\u2019d love to do something like that.\u201d Of course, we\u2019ve got how many thousands of moms, now?\u2014they are going to be like: \u201cWell, that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do! I\u2019m just going to take away my\u2026\u201d\u2014how do you even approach that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one other thing to do is constantly look for these opportunities for these face-to-face conversations\u2014is dialogue more than anything else. If we walk away from this week, talking about this\u2014this is the thing we should walk away [with]. We should look for opportunities to <em>dialogue<\/em> about this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does this actually look like if you really want to take away your kid\u2019s phone? I would start at dinner, as you guys are all modeling this; so you have this no-tech-at-the-table rule. As you are there at dinner, read an article: Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> \u201cDr. Jean Twenge\u201d or google \u201cJonathan McKee; \u201cNo Phone\u201d\u2014I mean one of us, who is talking about this kind of stuff\u2014or \u201cMedia fast\u201d\u2014google that\u2014you will find articles about kids who did this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Jean Twenge\u2019s research will show that\u2014basically, in short\u2014the more time people spent on social media, the more depressed they are; the less time they spend on social media, the happier they were. Read like the little explanation [at dinnertime with kids]\u2014say: \u201cThis is an interesting paragraph. Let\u2019s look at this. This is a doctor, who researches this\u2014she wrote this book, <em>iGen<\/em>. Let\u2019s look at this.\u201d Read it and go, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr read a chapter from my <em>Teen\u2019s Guide to Social Media and Mobile Devices<\/em>. It\u2019s like: \u201cLook at what Jonathan says here about Snapchat\u2014these guys who created this. I don\u2019t know\u2014what do you think? Is he right?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust <em>start<\/em> the dialogue and talk about this stuff, because it\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em>\u2014so much research out there shows\u2014and I\u2019ve written a ton about it, so I could give you link after link\u2014but so much of this research shows that young people are actually <em>tired<\/em> of this. Honestly, over 50 percent of young people say, \u201cI wish I could spend less time on my phone.\u201d I think they\u2019re open to this. They just don\u2019t want you to just come in and barge in and demand: \u201cPHONE! NOW!\u201d [Child speaking]: \u201cYou don\u2019t understand,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t listen to me,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014so start with that dialogue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Obviously, the key would be, if you open up this discussion: \u201cShut up, parent; and listen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really; let your son and daughter\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and ask the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014come to their own conclusion, because they will. They are going to look at it, and they\u2019re going to end up where you want them to end up; but if you take them there, they are going to rebel\u2014they\u2019re going to put up defenses; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll also say\u2014because I think you\u2019re right\u2014but I think, as parents, we\u2019ve got to be much more focused on instruction and training rather than spending a whole lot of time on correction\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and reproof. The reason we are dealing with correction is because we didn\u2019t spend as much time as, maybe, we needed to on the instruction, and the training, and equipping. To your point, Jonathan, read a chapter from your book\u2014talk about these issues, so that kids are equipped and prepared. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to know, Jonathan, because as we\u2019ve talked about this, we\u2019ve talked a lot about correction; we\u2019ve talked about changing behavior patterns. Let\u2019s talk about our kid\u2019s heart; because, ultimately, this is the issue\u2014it\u2019s not: \u201cHow do you put up fences?\u201d\u2014but: \u201cHow do you help a child know, in his or her heart, what to stay away from?\u2014what are the good things; what are the bad things? How do we deal with heart issues with our kids here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s an amazing question; because so much of this is helping our kids\u2014not just giving them a list of: \u201cHere are the five things you\u2019re supposed to do.\u201d In my chapter, writing about bystanders, the subtitle of the chapter is: \u201cThe Chapter You Might Want to Read With Your Kids\u201d; because my whole goal is that, not only that we are dialoguing about this, but that we are equipping our kids to start thinking about this, not just on a task-list sort of level, but on a heart level\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014of how God is changing them and changing the way they think. This is\u2014sanctification is happening in our kids\u2019 lives, even if our kids don\u2019t know what the word, sanctification, means. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we talk with our kids about this, one of the things I talk about with our kids is helping our kids understand the difference they can make in the life of another kid. Research out there shows\u2014and I cite it in my book\u2014that if a kid, who is bullied, just had one friend\u2014one friend makes the difference between a kid attempting suicide\/going on that downward spiral. Just helping our kids understand that they could, literally, save a life\u2014helping our kids do that\u2014helping them live out that Philippians 2 passage we\u2019ve already talked about this week \/ helping them live out what Jesus modeled and do that. If they realize: \u201cHey, guess what? This actually makes a difference when I go and sit down with a kid.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing that we need to help our kids understand is that this is something that needs to be <em>enduring<\/em>. This isn\u2019t just a one-time thing; because\u2014and I talk about this a little bit in the book\u2014because one of the things I\u2019ve seen, working in youth ministry as long as I have, is lots of times people will\u2014you know, you\u2019ll get that one message from a youth pastor about, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you sit next to a kid at lunch?\u201d We always hear that; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s exactly what happens\u2014this kid goes and sits next to another kid at lunch. When you sit next to a bullied kid\u2014if you would have sat next to <em>me<\/em> in middle school at lunch, I\u2019ll tell you what would have happened\u2014I would have thought, \u201cThis kid is up to something.\u201d I would have been skeptical; I would have probably been <em>rude<\/em>; and I was a little weird and hard to talk with. What would happen is\u2014this nice kid, who wanted to sit next to me, would be like, \u201cWell, I can see why he\u2019s alone!\u201d and that would be it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we could <em>prepare<\/em> our kids for this\u2014and that\u2019s one of the things I talk about\u2014is sometimes, kids who are bullied are\u2014and this is really a confession\u2014are quite awkward. This has followed me into my marriage. Honestly, I\u2019ve gone to counseling; because, in my relationship with my wife, this comes out. Because I am so socially awkward at times that, sometimes, she doesn\u2019t even mean something\u2014and when she says it\u2014and I think, \u201cOh, man; she doesn\u2019t like me,\u201d or \u201cShe\u2019s saying this\u2026\u201d; so this is tough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to talk to our kids about how to care for a hurting kid: \u201cWe\u2019re all broken, and we could all use a friend,\u201d and \u201cHere\u2019s what making a difference can do\u2026\u201d That\u2019s where it\u2019s fun; because interviewing as many people as I did for this book, I encountered some <em>great<\/em> stories of seeing how this actually works. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn campus\u2014there were some campuses that actually had a program, where teens would basically have an underclassman\u2014so like a junior or senior might be assigned a freshman or a sophomore\u2014and they would sit with them at lunch. These kids were <em>trained<\/em> and were told, \u201cHey, this may not go well at first.\u201d It\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em> to see some of those stories\u2014how they played out and how they made a difference\u2014because someone that felt completely alone, all of a sudden, had someone who cared. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, one of my dreams, as a parent, was to try\u2014and I try to do this, now, as a pastor to our congregation\u2014is try to inspire people to be a <em>blessing<\/em>. When you study, even the Old Testament, what a blessing looked like\u2014it had three elements: see people the way God sees them; know them, which is everything Jonathan is talking about\u2014ask questions, draw them out, enter into a dialogue. Do you know what the third one is?\u2014speak it out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I would say: \u201cAll you bullies out there: Quit it!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cJust stop it!\u201d That\u2019s all I can say to them\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cYou\u2019re projecting your own low self-esteem on somebody else.\u201d To the ones, who are being bullied, and the ones who are standing beside looking at it\u2014I\u2019d say: \u201cBless!\u201d See, which is what you\u2019re saying about\u2014go to school\/go to your workplace\u2014\u201cSee people; get to know them\/enter into a relationship; then, third, speak life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what hit me was Ephesians 4 [verse 29]\u2014says, \u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.\u201d What would it look like if you were the one that spoke life?\u2014what I see, beauty? I mean, that person would follow you around. Think about this, parents: \u201cWhat if your kid is getting bullied; but when they come home, they hear from you: \u2018You\u2019re special,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019re unique,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019re beautiful\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would take it one step further because\u2014with teenagers, we had a lot of their friends in our home\u2014and I heard more, sometimes, from their friends of what they were going through than from my own kids. I\u2019ll never forget having these kids sit at our island; and I would say, \u201cHas anyone told you how smart you are?\u201d They would say, \u201cNo.\u201d \u201cHas anyone told you how gifted you are in this area?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d I think, even for our kids\u2019 friends, we can make a big impact\u2014just what you were saying, Dave\u2014with our words of breathing life and identity into our kids and their friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is a <em>great<\/em> topic for moms and dads to have a conversation about, to talk with other parents about, to develop strategies around. And Jonathan, your book helps us do that. Thanks for being here and talking with us about this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The book is called <em>The Bullying Breakthrough<\/em>, and it\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go, online\u2014get your copy. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order the book: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. So, again, get a copy of the book, <em>The Bullying Breakthrough<\/em>, by Jonathan McKee. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to get your copy\u20141-800-358-6329\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, Monday night, we have a get-together planned for those of you who are Legacy Partners, regular monthly contributors to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Dave and Ann Wilson and I are going to get together with you by phone or online for, kind of, a neighborhood meeting. It\u2019s a big conference call. It\u2019s interactive\u2014a chance for us to introduce you to Dave and Ann\u2014help you get to know them a little better. We\u2019ll talk about their book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, and about their recent trip to New York to be on <em>The Today Show<\/em>. That was pretty exciting, and we\u2019ll have an opportunity for you to interact as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you\u2019re a Legacy Partner, you should have received an email. I hope you\u2019ve already opened it and signed up. It\u2019s got all the information about how to connect with us on Monday night. If you\u2019re not a Legacy Partner, why don\u2019t you join the team? Help make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in your community and in cities all around the world. Here\u2019s what you\u2019re doing\u2014you\u2019re investing in bringing practical biblical help and hope to marriages and families; and certainly, in this culture, that is an urgent need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you become a monthly donor of FamilyLife\u2014a Legacy Partner\u2014we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a gift card to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. You can use that for yourself or share it with a friend. You can become a Legacy Partner, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to join: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Of course, you can join us Monday when you become a new Legacy Partner as well. And for those of you who already Legacy Partners, we\u2019ll see you Monday night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, this has been a tough subject to deal with today\u2014the subject of bullying. Before we wrap up, David Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is with us again with some thoughts on this subject. David\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. You know, the Scripture that comes to mind, as I\u2019m listening to the conversation today, is Psalm 139. We need to believe it for ourselves, and I think it\u2019s really important that we <em>speak<\/em> it into our kids\u2019 lives often. I just want to take a moment to speak it over us right now. Psalm 139: \u201cO Lord, You\u2019ve searched me and known me. You know when I sit and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.\u201d Then, in verse 14, he says, \u201cI praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows them very well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe truth that we need to hang onto today is that God knows <em>everything<\/em> about us. He is the One that gives us identity to relate well to others and to be able to empathize with whatever anyone is walking through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great way to tie up all we\u2019ve talked about today. Thank you, David. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne final note: I want to ask you to pray for those couples who are going to be attending one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways this weekend\u2014folks joining us in Akron, Ohio; in Kansas City, Kansas; in Minneapolis; Redondo Beach, California; and Sun River, Oregon. We\u2019ve got five getaways happening next weekend as well in Boise; Minnesota; Nashville; Reston, Virginia; and Ventura, California. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, pray that these couples would have a transformative weekend in their relationship\u2014that their marriage would be strengthened as a result of investing this time to getaway together, and to focus on one another, and focus on God\u2019s design for their marriage. If you\u2019d like more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and we hope you can join us back on Monday. We want to share with you some of what we heard, recently, on the FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. We had a <em>great<\/em> week\u2014heard some <em>great<\/em> messages\u2014and we\u2019re going to share those with you all week next week. Be sure to join us Monday for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300077","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300077"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300077"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300077"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300077"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}