{"id":300041,"date":"2019-02-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-02-04T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/why-do-women-settle\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:15","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:15","slug":"why-do-women-settle","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-do-women-settle\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Do Women Settle?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Deepak Reju explains why young women settle for less when it comes to their relationships with the opposite sex. Reju talks about what it looks like to be a lady-in-waiting on God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-02-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:48","filesize":"26.38M","filesize_raw":"27658588","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2817],"tags":[4018,4084,2926,4085],"podcast_series":[7166],"cwp_profile":[8801],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300041","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-dating","tag-settling-for-an-unbeliever","tag-singles","tag-unequally-yoked","podcast_series-shes-got-the-wrong-guy","cwp_profile-deepak-reju","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300041\/why-do-women-settle","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300041\/why-do-women-settle","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oflT2PlmD2\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-do-women-settle\/\">Why Do Women Settle?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-do-women-settle\/embed\/#?secret=oflT2PlmD2\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Why Do Women Settle?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oflT2PlmD2\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-02-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-02-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Deepak Reju is concerned that, for a lot of young women today, their views about love and romance and marriage are being shaped more by fairy tales and fears than by anything biblical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>My little girls right now, as they watch Disney, you can see how every Disney movie is setting up ideals in their mind of what marriage is going to look like, with a perfect ending, when Prince Charming always kisses the princess and rides off to Wonderland. Or you hear the fears that women have, like, \u201cI\u2019m going to be alone,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to have children,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to be worthy of a man,\u201d \u201cNo one\u2019s ever going to desire me\u201d\u2014those put them in a position of choosing a man that\u2019s not ideal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How should smart, young, single women be thinking about marriage, if in fact they want to get married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does it look like to think about that biblically? We\u2019re going to talk today with Deepak Reju about that. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou just like to stir it up, don\u2019t you? \u201cWhy Smart Women Settle\u201d That\u2019s what you want to talk about here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to find out what our guest means by that statement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Deepak Reju joins us on the broadcast, all the way from Washington, D.C.\u2014and he\u2019s the one who is throwing the stone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014at the hornets\u2019 nest. Welcome to the broadcast!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Thank you. Glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you? You sure you are? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ll find out in just a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The book\u2019s name is <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy<\/em>, subtitled<em> Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>. Deepak, as I mentioned, is from Washington, D.C. He\u2019s married to his wife, Sarah. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have five children, and he is the pastor of biblical counseling at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, which is just a stone\u2019s throw from the Capitol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>That\u2019s right\u2014five blocks down the street.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glad you\u2019re there. We need all the peacemakers we can get inside the Beltway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Are you seeing smart women settling in Washington, D.C.?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I see smart women settle all over the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, now, hold it. Back up. What do you mean, \u201cSmart Women Settle\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, someone can choose to marry a man who is not a wise choice\u2014as long as he\u2019s calling himself a Christian, he showers, and he comes to church, \u201cthen I\u2019m going to go to the altar with him, because he\u2019s nice to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I mean\u2014that\u2019s about as low as you\u2019re going to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you\u2019re seeing in this in your counseling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I see this, I talk to counselors all the time, interact with singles\u2014because our congregation\u2019s dominated with singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, people make choices that are not wise choices, and in my job, we get to counsel them on the front end\u2014because our congregation is filled with 20 and 30-year-olds who are making all those life choices\u2014but then you see on the back end\u2014as the counselor dealing with the difficult marriages\u2014and you begin to calculate, \u201cAlright. What happened on the front end, and what do we need to do to make sure we don\u2019t end up in this position again?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so I was talking to this single friend of mine about this interview. I said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be talking about <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>,\u201d and my friend said, basically\u2014she didn\u2019t say it this way\u2014but she said, \u201cHave you been to the grocery store lately?\u201d You go and you\u2019re hungry and you go, \u201cI want to find something here that would be nice to eat.\u201d You look at the produce section, and your choices are the spotty apples or no apples at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Now there are some guys, Bob, who are listening right there and going, \u201cNow, wait a second!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cAre you calling me a spotty apple?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There\u2019s some good fruit out there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But a lot\u2014you know this\u2014a lot of young women who say, \u201cDeepak, I just don\u2019t\u2014there are not a whole lot of guys\u2014\u201d Are their standards too high, or are the pickings slimmer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, there\u2019s both. In some cases they\u2019re in a congregation where there doesn\u2019t seem to be that many choices to them apparent of godly men, and you\u2019ll often hear them say things like, \u201cThe really good men are already taken.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>\u201cWe just have the leftovers that are in our congregation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Especially if in your late 20\u2019s or early 30\u2019s, it does kind of feel like the herd has been thinned out a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes. But, you know, I\u2019m not expecting a 20-year-old man to have the godliness and maturity of 50 or 60 or 70-year-old pastor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>What I\u2019m looking for is a guy who has the right commitments\u2014who\u2019s going to make mistakes\u2014but is headed in the right trajectory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Is it just a supply-and-demand, though, Deepak or is there a number one reason why smart women settle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that there\u2019s a number one reason, but there are a lot of reasons why women settle. I mean, take an example of idolatry. My little girls right now, as they watch Disney, you can see how every Disney movie is setting up ideals in their mind of what marriage is going to look like, with a perfect ending, when Prince Charming always kisses the princess and rides off to the Wonderland. Or you hear the fears that women have\u2014like, \u201cI\u2019m going to be alone,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to have children,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to be worthy of a man,\u201d \u201cNo one\u2019s ever going to desire me\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go on and on\u2014I could give you more reasons why women choose to settle, and those put them in a position of choosing a man that\u2019s not ideal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As I look at the single culture today, there\u2019s a lot of unhealthy relationships developed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, choosing the other person around sex and not a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you saying the same thing happened in your congregation? I\u2019m not talking about the culture in D.C.\u2014but in your congregation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, and not just our church, but as I get to go talk to different churches around the country, you just see how\u2014the compromises that are made, whether it\u2019s premarital sex and\u2014in one case, a young woman confessed to me after she got married, \u201cBecause I slept with him and I\u2019d always saved myself for someone, I just assumed out of obligation I had to marry him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Or the angry man who has a simmering temper and bursts out every once in a while, and she just rationalizes it away, because finally there\u2019s a guy who has a strong interesting in her. Or the control freak who <em>suddenly<\/em> actually controls different aspects of her life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014checking her email, calling her all the time, jealous of her friends\u2014the guy who\u2019s actually really acting like a tyrant in the relationship, and yet she doesn\u2019t realize that yet. You just see all the different kinds of guys that gals are choosing, and you think, \u201cDon\u2019t do that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I can imagine single women who are listening\u2014smart single women\u2014who are saying, \u201cOkay, I understand Deepak\u2019s utopia. Let\u2019s talk about the real world in which we live today,\u201d because a lot of godly single women are saying, first of all, \u201cI don\u2019t get noticed as a godly single woman.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The women who get noticed are the women who compromise. \u201cSo the guys\u2014even the godly guys\u2014are spending more time noticing the compromising women than they are the godly women, which puts me in a position where I don\u2019t want to be left out of this game and be dealing with leftovers.\u201d So let\u2019s talk to her about this phenomenon that she\u2019s experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> There are two sides to this one. One would be, \u201cWhat does it look like to wait well and to be patient?\u201d And fundamental to that is, \u201cCan I trust in the Lord through that?\u201d But, \u201cWhat does it mean for me to endure. For me to have patience shows that I\u2019m trusting God through my many years. I\u2019m not taking control,\u201d which is easy to do. \u201cI can rustle the leaves. I can initiate with a guy, I can put myself in all the right positions to take over and take the responsibility out of God\u2019s hands.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA very different position, where I\u2019m saying, \u201cBy faith, I will endure by trusting the Lord with my life\u2014but I can still make wise choices by first centering my life around Christ\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014and in centering my life around Christ, it helps me become the godly woman that the Lord wants me to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\"\u2014and that\u2019ll help me be patient, that\u2019ll help me to trust. That\u2019ll help me, also, to reflect the kind of beauty that a godly man\u2014the right kind of guy\u2014will begin to notice.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, a woman who says, \u201cOkay, I hear you. I want to be that woman. I want to pursue Jesus,\u201d should she be passive and not initiate in any way?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>No, no, no, no. Here\u2019s what I\u2019d say\u2014 I don\u2019t want her to take control of the steering wheel and take it out of God\u2019s hands\u2014that\u2019s first\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>There\u2019s a way in which I can ignore God and just do everything I need to get a guy\u2014whether that\u2019s flirting or always initiating with the guy I want, or putting myself in the right position\u2014all those kinds of things\u2014or there\u2019s a way in which she can actually do all the right things\u2014serve within a church, go to all the places where the singles are gathering together, connect with family to help her with this\u2014and doesn\u2019t have to do this on her own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I\u2019m a pastor fundamentally. Doing this by yourself is dreadful. Trying to figure out who you\u2019re going to marry is one of hardest things you can ever imagine, because dating is fraught with all kinds of difficulties.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s where I want to go, Deepak. For a young lady\u2014or, for that matter, for an older lady\u2014to truly wait well, she\u2019s going to need the church. That\u2019s not the facility\u2014she\u2019s going to need the relationship with other singles in the church\u2014families in the church, some mentors in the church to coach her\u2014counsel her, maybe her counsel off the ledge when she\u2019s ready to jump and kind of compromise. She needs the church now more than ever, but the church\u2014it seems to me\u2014has always struggled with what to do with singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s right. And you look at your typical congregation, there\u2019s a divide between all the married people together and all the single people together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to do is bridge that gap, so that there is an integration of the married people and the single people as one family, which means families have to be deliberate in bringing singles into their life, and singles have to be deliberate also in initiating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most common things I hear from single folks in our congregation is, \u201cI just don\u2019t want to be a burden to the families.\u201d I say, \u201cForget that! Just absolutely forget that! For your own spiritual good, you need them in your life. You need to go ahead and initiate with them, because there are so many things you\u2019re going to see\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, they don\u2019t have to go into a family\u2019s life and hear a five-point lecture on parenting\u2014that\u2019s not what they\u2019re going to get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>What they\u2019re going to get is\u2014when a single man comes with me to a soccer game on Saturday, and when my youngest son has a meltdown, he\u2019s going to see how I parent that child in the moment. As much as books are helpful, he\u2019s going to experience what godly parenting is by actually living it and seeing it, by coming right alongside them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and it\u2019s not just the modeling or the instruction, but it\u2019s just the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes. I\u2019ll often coach my kids in soccer, and a lot of the church members will have their kids on teams of different pastors who are coaching, and my friend will come on Saturdays\u2014he\u2019s another pastor in the church\u2014but he never comes without another single guy alongside of him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I\u2019ve really appreciated that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Or, you know, what do we want? We want regularly in our homes, singles coming over and just hanging out, just to be with our family. Our kids, now, have developed such good relationships with singles and couples without children within our congregation that they actually get frustrated with my wife and I if we don\u2019t have them over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>They\u2019re enjoying the relationship, and I want that for my kids. My oldest three children right now are each being discipled by single folks within the church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014who are taking the initiative to do Bible study with them and bridge the gap into our family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo\u2026in that sense it goes both ways. The families want to be caring for the singles, and look at the ways the singles can be caring for the families! It\u2019s not\u2014as most people will reduce it to\u2014\u201cthe singles are useful for babysitting the kids so I can get a date night.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>That\u2019s not what we\u2019re talking about at all! What I want to see is Lindsey, who is meeting up with my oldest daughter and has studied the gospel of John with her and is pouring into her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting how this conversation has evolved, because we were talking about single women settling for the wrong guy, and what we\u2019ve found ourselves talking about here is how single people\u2014men or women\u2014ought to, in their single years, be focused on their own spiritual growth and development and making that priority\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and kind of putting the right guy\/wrong guy question over to the side a little bit and not making that so central to all that they\u2019re thinking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me of a quote\u2014I\u2019ve shared this dozens of times, but a pastor from Texas\u2014Tommy Nelson\u2014one time I heard him say, \u201cIf you\u2019re single, your job is to run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can.\u201d He said, \u201cIf, while you\u2019re running, out of the corner of your eye you see somebody running in the same direction at the same speed, take a second look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve always thought that\u2019s a great word for singles, because you do want somebody running in the same direction at the same speed. If somebody\u2019s running slower, that\u2019s going to be a problem\u2014if somebody\u2019s running faster, that could be a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But make that your aim, rather than making your focus, \u201cI have to find somebody, and I have to hurry this thing along.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>That goes back to\u2014because we\u2019re talking about finding somebody in your church\u2014I think the best place to find someone is in your local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Because what you\u2019re going to get\u2014not just someone who you can spend your life with, but someone who believes the same things as you do theologically, who has the same convictions around community, who\u2019s committed to the same relationships. Dating in isolation is dreadful, because you have to figure out on your own how to get through this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, I have to stop you here, though, because there are some folks who are listening who are saying, \u201cYes, that\u2019s where I\u2019ve been looking\u2014is in my local church\u2014but it seems like there are guys who have figured out that the singles group at the local church is a better pickup place than the local bar is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are wolves who are preying on single women in local churches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes, there are\u2014and that\u2019s why we need pastors who would actually go after those wolves\u2014that\u2019s the first thing. What I appreciate about our congregation is the pastors have an antenna for the wolves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Could I also add, it\u2019s also a call to the daddies to get out and protect the young ladies of the church as well? Not just your own daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe older men in the church\u2014because in our mobile society, often single women are far removed from their direct families\u2014they\u2019re in some other part of the country\u2014so it\u2019s the older men in the church\u2014it\u2019s the shepherds, the pastors in the church who are keeping an eye out. But if you\u2019re involved in a family\u2014if you\u2019re connected to a family, they\u2019re looking out for your well-being, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many times\u2014years ago, a young lady that my wife was discipling had broken up with a guy that had meant a lot to her, and she had done the classic mistake of being vulnerable so early in the relationship that, when it didn\u2019t work out, she was crushed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Here she is, she\u2019s on our couch, and she\u2019s sobbing because she had set high expectations\u2014and giving so much of herself early on\u2014was crushed. The awkward part of it is my wife wasn\u2019t home yet, and yet I got to be the father figure right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to see that a thousandfold in the congregations\u2014that the single women are not trying to sort this out on your own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>The church has to take responsibility, and there have to be families who\u2014in the midst of their busyness\u2014are willing to say, \u201cActually, caring for the singles in our church is a priority.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur senior pastor right now has often said, \u201cLet\u2019s pray that we\u2019re a church where the families will regularly enfold the singles into our lives.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s so needed today\u2014it really is needed\u2014because of isolation. A young lady or a young man in isolation can be convinced of anything, and they can make a wrong judgment\u2014and be one that impacts them for the rest of their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It almost sounds, though, like we\u2019re talking yentas, you know, having the matchmaker in the local church? Are you an advocate for yentas?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, my unfortunate nickname is D. Harmony. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLong before I wrote the book, being proactive about making sure that we\u2019re invested in singles\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and, you know, if you\u2019re proactive about it, the singles will come to you. They\u2019ll come to you to have the conversations\u2014they\u2019ll come to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m thinking of so-and-so. Is that a wise move?\u201d I want to be in the middle of that conversation, because if they\u2019re choosing someone that\u2019s not wise for them, I want to be able to say, \u201cNo, don\u2019t do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so we have a lot of listeners who all of a sudden want to meet D. Harmony.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, they do! [Laughter] They do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the application out of today\u2019s broadcast. Number one\u2014if you\u2019re a single, you need to be in the process of running toward Jesus Christ, as Bob talked about. You need to be in the process of growing as a young woman into the woman God made you to be, and that means cultivating your beauty\u2014your inner beauty\u2014and maybe\u2014how shall I say this carefully, but\u2014being modest. This whole seductive issue of how singles are encouraged to dress immodestly is\u2014in my opinion\u2014poor judgment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We just have to step in here, because you\u2019ve heard the dialogue that goes back and forth. We\u2019re not saying that a woman is responsible for whether a man is lusting or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s on the guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m not saying that at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But a woman has a responsibility for how she presents herself\u2014and a man does as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Second thing I\u2019d say is to the families who are so busy, have so much going on, just pull your head up for a family night sometime, and say, \u201cWhat single women\u2014what single men seem to be circling our family or we have relationships with that we ought to invite them into a little bit of a closer circle of our family\u2014to have an impact on their lives?\u201d Ask God to point out a single woman\u2014a single man to begin to bring into your home and let them observe your marriage, your family in operation. You have no idea how many needs that will meet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean they need to come over every day, but it does mean that we get together with them more than once a year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> And can I add to that, Dennis\u2014what I\u2019m trying not to do is set them up to feel like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they need to actually have hospitality, they have a dinner ready and everything else. It\u2019s just simply, let them into your life. And I\u2019ll say to singles, as long as you\u2019re willing to come into a family and be a part of what\u2019s already going on, then you can hang out plenty. So, come with me to the grocery store, go with me to my son\u2019s soccer game\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>\u2014jump in to dinner at the last minute. Don\u2019t feel like you\u2014as a family\u2014have to do a huge effort of hospitality. Just set the standard for the singles. \u201cYou\u2019ll get plenty if you come along, but just do it the way our family\u2019s doing it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I think that\u2019s important\u2014to not feel like you\u2019re under the gun to entertain a single person. But your book\u2014by the way\u2014would be a great addition to every single woman\u2019s library. Would you encourage a single guy to read this book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the surprising thing\u2014the feedback I\u2019ve gotten more frequently than I expected was dads who wrote me who read it and said, \u201cI\u2019m making my son read it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ah!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Because they don\u2019t want their son to be \u201cthat guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great application of your book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I\u2019m expecting single women or even dads to read it with their daughters in late high school or college, to help them begin to make those choices early, to figure out what kind of guy they really should be looking for\u2014but I never expected a dad to call me and say, \u201cI bought copies and I gave it to each of my sons and made them read it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, let me tell our listeners, don\u2019t go Google D. Harmony, because you won\u2019t find it, okay? But we do have copies of the book <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>, by Deepak Reju. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information about the book is available there. You can order it from us online\u2014or you can call to order, 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call to order at 1-800-358-6329. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way\u2014a quick heads-up\u2014FamilyLife\u2019s movie, \u201cLike Arrows,\u201d that was in theaters last year is going to be available starting tomorrow on DVD or on video-on-demand. So, if you\u2019ve not seen \u201cLike Arrows,\u201d been waiting to get a copy, you can find it in your favorite retailer, or you can go online to wherever you buy movies and look for the movie \u201cLike Arrows.\u201d We\u2019ve had a lot of you asking, \u201cWhen\u2019s this going to come out?\u201d and it actually comes out tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, make plans to get a copy of the movie \u201cLike Arrows,\u201d and if you have a hard time finding it anywhere else it\u2019ll be available online tomorrow at FamilyLifeToday.com, so you can always come to our website to get your copy of the movie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, the whole reason we made the movie \u201cLike Arrows\u201d\u2026same reason we do everything we do here at FamilyLife\u00ae\u2014we want to provide practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLike Arrows\u201d was a part of our <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2122 video series initiative that we launched last year. Many of you who support this ministry helped make that project possible, and of course, your donations to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> make this radio program possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you go online to support the ministry or when you call to make a donation, you help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program, which is now heard not only on radio, but online, through our app, and even on Amazon Alexa devices.\u00a0 You can train your devices to just say, \u201cAlexa, play <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,\u201d and hear the program whenever you\u2019d like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you a copy of Crawford and Karen Lorritts\u2019 new book, <em>Your Marriage Today and Tomorrow<\/em>. It\u2019s a great book\u2014in fact, we\u2019re going to talk to Crawford and Karen about it next week. The book is our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or when you call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks in advance for partnering with us in this ministry, and we\u2019re grateful for your ongoing support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow\u2014Deepak Reju is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to continue talking about how a single woman can be smart in her relationship choices, and how you can ask the right questions while you\u2019re dating one another so that your marriage is a surprise-free relationship. We\u2019ll talk more about tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of <em>FamilyLife<\/em> of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:48"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.38M"],"filesize_raw":["27658588"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300041.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300041.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Reju explains why young women settle for less when it comes to their relationships with the opposite sex. Reju talks about what it looks like to be a lady-in-waiting on God.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-02-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Deepak Reju is concerned that, for a lot of young women today, their views about love and romance and marriage are being shaped more by fairy tales and fears than by anything biblical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>My little girls right now, as they watch Disney, you can see how every Disney movie is setting up ideals in their mind of what marriage is going to look like, with a perfect ending, when Prince Charming always kisses the princess and rides off to Wonderland. Or you hear the fears that women have, like, \u201cI\u2019m going to be alone,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to have children,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to be worthy of a man,\u201d \u201cNo one\u2019s ever going to desire me\u201d\u2014those put them in a position of choosing a man that\u2019s not ideal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How should smart, young, single women be thinking about marriage, if in fact they want to get married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat does it look like to think about that biblically? We\u2019re going to talk today with Deepak Reju about that. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou just like to stir it up, don\u2019t you? \u201cWhy Smart Women Settle\u201d That\u2019s what you want to talk about here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to find out what our guest means by that statement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Deepak Reju joins us on the broadcast, all the way from Washington, D.C.\u2014and he\u2019s the one who is throwing the stone\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014at the hornets\u2019 nest. Welcome to the broadcast!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Thank you. Glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you? You sure you are? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ll find out in just a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The book\u2019s name is <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy<\/em>, subtitled<em> Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>. Deepak, as I mentioned, is from Washington, D.C. He\u2019s married to his wife, Sarah. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have five children, and he is the pastor of biblical counseling at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, which is just a stone\u2019s throw from the Capitol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>That\u2019s right\u2014five blocks down the street.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Glad you\u2019re there. We need all the peacemakers we can get inside the Beltway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Are you seeing smart women settling in Washington, D.C.?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I see smart women settle all over the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Okay, now, hold it. Back up. What do you mean, \u201cSmart Women Settle\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, someone can choose to marry a man who is not a wise choice\u2014as long as he\u2019s calling himself a Christian, he showers, and he comes to church, \u201cthen I\u2019m going to go to the altar with him, because he\u2019s nice to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I mean\u2014that\u2019s about as low as you\u2019re going to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you\u2019re seeing in this in your counseling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I see this, I talk to counselors all the time, interact with singles\u2014because our congregation\u2019s dominated with singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, people make choices that are not wise choices, and in my job, we get to counsel them on the front end\u2014because our congregation is filled with 20 and 30-year-olds who are making all those life choices\u2014but then you see on the back end\u2014as the counselor dealing with the difficult marriages\u2014and you begin to calculate, \u201cAlright. What happened on the front end, and what do we need to do to make sure we don\u2019t end up in this position again?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so I was talking to this single friend of mine about this interview. I said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be talking about <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>,\u201d and my friend said, basically\u2014she didn\u2019t say it this way\u2014but she said, \u201cHave you been to the grocery store lately?\u201d You go and you\u2019re hungry and you go, \u201cI want to find something here that would be nice to eat.\u201d You look at the produce section, and your choices are the spotty apples or no apples at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Now there are some guys, Bob, who are listening right there and going, \u201cNow, wait a second!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cAre you calling me a spotty apple?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There\u2019s some good fruit out there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But a lot\u2014you know this\u2014a lot of young women who say, \u201cDeepak, I just don\u2019t\u2014there are not a whole lot of guys\u2014\u201d Are their standards too high, or are the pickings slimmer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, there\u2019s both. In some cases they\u2019re in a congregation where there doesn\u2019t seem to be that many choices to them apparent of godly men, and you\u2019ll often hear them say things like, \u201cThe really good men are already taken.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>\u201cWe just have the leftovers that are in our congregation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Especially if in your late 20\u2019s or early 30\u2019s, it does kind of feel like the herd has been thinned out a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes. But, you know, I\u2019m not expecting a 20-year-old man to have the godliness and maturity of 50 or 60 or 70-year-old pastor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>What I\u2019m looking for is a guy who has the right commitments\u2014who\u2019s going to make mistakes\u2014but is headed in the right trajectory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Is it just a supply-and-demand, though, Deepak or is there a number one reason why smart women settle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that there\u2019s a number one reason, but there are a lot of reasons why women settle. I mean, take an example of idolatry. My little girls right now, as they watch Disney, you can see how every Disney movie is setting up ideals in their mind of what marriage is going to look like, with a perfect ending, when Prince Charming always kisses the princess and rides off to the Wonderland. Or you hear the fears that women have\u2014like, \u201cI\u2019m going to be alone,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to have children,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m never going to be worthy of a man,\u201d \u201cNo one\u2019s ever going to desire me\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go on and on\u2014I could give you more reasons why women choose to settle, and those put them in a position of choosing a man that\u2019s not ideal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As I look at the single culture today, there\u2019s a lot of unhealthy relationships developed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, choosing the other person around sex and not a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you saying the same thing happened in your congregation? I\u2019m not talking about the culture in D.C.\u2014but in your congregation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, and not just our church, but as I get to go talk to different churches around the country, you just see how\u2014the compromises that are made, whether it\u2019s premarital sex and\u2014in one case, a young woman confessed to me after she got married, \u201cBecause I slept with him and I\u2019d always saved myself for someone, I just assumed out of obligation I had to marry him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Or the angry man who has a simmering temper and bursts out every once in a while, and she just rationalizes it away, because finally there\u2019s a guy who has a strong interesting in her. Or the control freak who <em>suddenly<\/em> actually controls different aspects of her life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014checking her email, calling her all the time, jealous of her friends\u2014the guy who\u2019s actually really acting like a tyrant in the relationship, and yet she doesn\u2019t realize that yet. You just see all the different kinds of guys that gals are choosing, and you think, \u201cDon\u2019t do that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I can imagine single women who are listening\u2014smart single women\u2014who are saying, \u201cOkay, I understand Deepak\u2019s utopia. Let\u2019s talk about the real world in which we live today,\u201d because a lot of godly single women are saying, first of all, \u201cI don\u2019t get noticed as a godly single woman.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The women who get noticed are the women who compromise. \u201cSo the guys\u2014even the godly guys\u2014are spending more time noticing the compromising women than they are the godly women, which puts me in a position where I don\u2019t want to be left out of this game and be dealing with leftovers.\u201d So let\u2019s talk to her about this phenomenon that she\u2019s experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> There are two sides to this one. One would be, \u201cWhat does it look like to wait well and to be patient?\u201d And fundamental to that is, \u201cCan I trust in the Lord through that?\u201d But, \u201cWhat does it mean for me to endure. For me to have patience shows that I\u2019m trusting God through my many years. I\u2019m not taking control,\u201d which is easy to do. \u201cI can rustle the leaves. I can initiate with a guy, I can put myself in all the right positions to take over and take the responsibility out of God\u2019s hands.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA very different position, where I\u2019m saying, \u201cBy faith, I will endure by trusting the Lord with my life\u2014but I can still make wise choices by first centering my life around Christ\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014and in centering my life around Christ, it helps me become the godly woman that the Lord wants me to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\"\u2014and that\u2019ll help me be patient, that\u2019ll help me to trust. That\u2019ll help me, also, to reflect the kind of beauty that a godly man\u2014the right kind of guy\u2014will begin to notice.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, a woman who says, \u201cOkay, I hear you. I want to be that woman. I want to pursue Jesus,\u201d should she be passive and not initiate in any way?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>No, no, no, no. Here\u2019s what I\u2019d say\u2014 I don\u2019t want her to take control of the steering wheel and take it out of God\u2019s hands\u2014that\u2019s first\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>There\u2019s a way in which I can ignore God and just do everything I need to get a guy\u2014whether that\u2019s flirting or always initiating with the guy I want, or putting myself in the right position\u2014all those kinds of things\u2014or there\u2019s a way in which she can actually do all the right things\u2014serve within a church, go to all the places where the singles are gathering together, connect with family to help her with this\u2014and doesn\u2019t have to do this on her own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I\u2019m a pastor fundamentally. Doing this by yourself is dreadful. Trying to figure out who you\u2019re going to marry is one of hardest things you can ever imagine, because dating is fraught with all kinds of difficulties.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s where I want to go, Deepak. For a young lady\u2014or, for that matter, for an older lady\u2014to truly wait well, she\u2019s going to need the church. That\u2019s not the facility\u2014she\u2019s going to need the relationship with other singles in the church\u2014families in the church, some mentors in the church to coach her\u2014counsel her, maybe her counsel off the ledge when she\u2019s ready to jump and kind of compromise. She needs the church now more than ever, but the church\u2014it seems to me\u2014has always struggled with what to do with singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s right. And you look at your typical congregation, there\u2019s a divide between all the married people together and all the single people together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we want to do is bridge that gap, so that there is an integration of the married people and the single people as one family, which means families have to be deliberate in bringing singles into their life, and singles have to be deliberate also in initiating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most common things I hear from single folks in our congregation is, \u201cI just don\u2019t want to be a burden to the families.\u201d I say, \u201cForget that! Just absolutely forget that! For your own spiritual good, you need them in your life. You need to go ahead and initiate with them, because there are so many things you\u2019re going to see\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, they don\u2019t have to go into a family\u2019s life and hear a five-point lecture on parenting\u2014that\u2019s not what they\u2019re going to get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>What they\u2019re going to get is\u2014when a single man comes with me to a soccer game on Saturday, and when my youngest son has a meltdown, he\u2019s going to see how I parent that child in the moment. As much as books are helpful, he\u2019s going to experience what godly parenting is by actually living it and seeing it, by coming right alongside them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and it\u2019s not just the modeling or the instruction, but it\u2019s just the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes. I\u2019ll often coach my kids in soccer, and a lot of the church members will have their kids on teams of different pastors who are coaching, and my friend will come on Saturdays\u2014he\u2019s another pastor in the church\u2014but he never comes without another single guy alongside of him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I\u2019ve really appreciated that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Or, you know, what do we want? We want regularly in our homes, singles coming over and just hanging out, just to be with our family. Our kids, now, have developed such good relationships with singles and couples without children within our congregation that they actually get frustrated with my wife and I if we don\u2019t have them over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>They\u2019re enjoying the relationship, and I want that for my kids. My oldest three children right now are each being discipled by single folks within the church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014who are taking the initiative to do Bible study with them and bridge the gap into our family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo\u2026in that sense it goes both ways. The families want to be caring for the singles, and look at the ways the singles can be caring for the families! It\u2019s not\u2014as most people will reduce it to\u2014\u201cthe singles are useful for babysitting the kids so I can get a date night.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>That\u2019s not what we\u2019re talking about at all! What I want to see is Lindsey, who is meeting up with my oldest daughter and has studied the gospel of John with her and is pouring into her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting how this conversation has evolved, because we were talking about single women settling for the wrong guy, and what we\u2019ve found ourselves talking about here is how single people\u2014men or women\u2014ought to, in their single years, be focused on their own spiritual growth and development and making that priority\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and kind of putting the right guy\/wrong guy question over to the side a little bit and not making that so central to all that they\u2019re thinking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me of a quote\u2014I\u2019ve shared this dozens of times, but a pastor from Texas\u2014Tommy Nelson\u2014one time I heard him say, \u201cIf you\u2019re single, your job is to run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can.\u201d He said, \u201cIf, while you\u2019re running, out of the corner of your eye you see somebody running in the same direction at the same speed, take a second look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve always thought that\u2019s a great word for singles, because you do want somebody running in the same direction at the same speed. If somebody\u2019s running slower, that\u2019s going to be a problem\u2014if somebody\u2019s running faster, that could be a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But make that your aim, rather than making your focus, \u201cI have to find somebody, and I have to hurry this thing along.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>That goes back to\u2014because we\u2019re talking about finding somebody in your church\u2014I think the best place to find someone is in your local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Because what you\u2019re going to get\u2014not just someone who you can spend your life with, but someone who believes the same things as you do theologically, who has the same convictions around community, who\u2019s committed to the same relationships. Dating in isolation is dreadful, because you have to figure out on your own how to get through this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, I have to stop you here, though, because there are some folks who are listening who are saying, \u201cYes, that\u2019s where I\u2019ve been looking\u2014is in my local church\u2014but it seems like there are guys who have figured out that the singles group at the local church is a better pickup place than the local bar is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are wolves who are preying on single women in local churches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Yes, there are\u2014and that\u2019s why we need pastors who would actually go after those wolves\u2014that\u2019s the first thing. What I appreciate about our congregation is the pastors have an antenna for the wolves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Could I also add, it\u2019s also a call to the daddies to get out and protect the young ladies of the church as well? Not just your own daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe older men in the church\u2014because in our mobile society, often single women are far removed from their direct families\u2014they\u2019re in some other part of the country\u2014so it\u2019s the older men in the church\u2014it\u2019s the shepherds, the pastors in the church who are keeping an eye out. But if you\u2019re involved in a family\u2014if you\u2019re connected to a family, they\u2019re looking out for your well-being, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many times\u2014years ago, a young lady that my wife was discipling had broken up with a guy that had meant a lot to her, and she had done the classic mistake of being vulnerable so early in the relationship that, when it didn\u2019t work out, she was crushed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Here she is, she\u2019s on our couch, and she\u2019s sobbing because she had set high expectations\u2014and giving so much of herself early on\u2014was crushed. The awkward part of it is my wife wasn\u2019t home yet, and yet I got to be the father figure right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to see that a thousandfold in the congregations\u2014that the single women are not trying to sort this out on your own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>The church has to take responsibility, and there have to be families who\u2014in the midst of their busyness\u2014are willing to say, \u201cActually, caring for the singles in our church is a priority.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur senior pastor right now has often said, \u201cLet\u2019s pray that we\u2019re a church where the families will regularly enfold the singles into our lives.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s so needed today\u2014it really is needed\u2014because of isolation. A young lady or a young man in isolation can be convinced of anything, and they can make a wrong judgment\u2014and be one that impacts them for the rest of their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It almost sounds, though, like we\u2019re talking yentas, you know, having the matchmaker in the local church? Are you an advocate for yentas?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Well, my unfortunate nickname is D. Harmony. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLong before I wrote the book, being proactive about making sure that we\u2019re invested in singles\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and, you know, if you\u2019re proactive about it, the singles will come to you. They\u2019ll come to you to have the conversations\u2014they\u2019ll come to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m thinking of so-and-so. Is that a wise move?\u201d I want to be in the middle of that conversation, because if they\u2019re choosing someone that\u2019s not wise for them, I want to be able to say, \u201cNo, don\u2019t do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so we have a lot of listeners who all of a sudden want to meet D. Harmony.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, they do! [Laughter] They do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the application out of today\u2019s broadcast. Number one\u2014if you\u2019re a single, you need to be in the process of running toward Jesus Christ, as Bob talked about. You need to be in the process of growing as a young woman into the woman God made you to be, and that means cultivating your beauty\u2014your inner beauty\u2014and maybe\u2014how shall I say this carefully, but\u2014being modest. This whole seductive issue of how singles are encouraged to dress immodestly is\u2014in my opinion\u2014poor judgment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We just have to step in here, because you\u2019ve heard the dialogue that goes back and forth. We\u2019re not saying that a woman is responsible for whether a man is lusting or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s on the guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m not saying that at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But a woman has a responsibility for how she presents herself\u2014and a man does as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Second thing I\u2019d say is to the families who are so busy, have so much going on, just pull your head up for a family night sometime, and say, \u201cWhat single women\u2014what single men seem to be circling our family or we have relationships with that we ought to invite them into a little bit of a closer circle of our family\u2014to have an impact on their lives?\u201d Ask God to point out a single woman\u2014a single man to begin to bring into your home and let them observe your marriage, your family in operation. You have no idea how many needs that will meet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean they need to come over every day, but it does mean that we get together with them more than once a year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak:<\/strong> And can I add to that, Dennis\u2014what I\u2019m trying not to do is set them up to feel like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they need to actually have hospitality, they have a dinner ready and everything else. It\u2019s just simply, let them into your life. And I\u2019ll say to singles, as long as you\u2019re willing to come into a family and be a part of what\u2019s already going on, then you can hang out plenty. So, come with me to the grocery store, go with me to my son\u2019s soccer game\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>\u2014jump in to dinner at the last minute. Don\u2019t feel like you\u2014as a family\u2014have to do a huge effort of hospitality. Just set the standard for the singles. \u201cYou\u2019ll get plenty if you come along, but just do it the way our family\u2019s doing it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. I think that\u2019s important\u2014to not feel like you\u2019re under the gun to entertain a single person. But your book\u2014by the way\u2014would be a great addition to every single woman\u2019s library. Would you encourage a single guy to read this book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the surprising thing\u2014the feedback I\u2019ve gotten more frequently than I expected was dads who wrote me who read it and said, \u201cI\u2019m making my son read it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Ah!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>Because they don\u2019t want their son to be \u201cthat guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great application of your book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deepak: <\/strong>I\u2019m expecting single women or even dads to read it with their daughters in late high school or college, to help them begin to make those choices early, to figure out what kind of guy they really should be looking for\u2014but I never expected a dad to call me and say, \u201cI bought copies and I gave it to each of my sons and made them read it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, let me tell our listeners, don\u2019t go Google D. Harmony, because you won\u2019t find it, okay? But we do have copies of the book <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>, by Deepak Reju. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information about the book is available there. You can order it from us online\u2014or you can call to order, 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>She\u2019s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle<\/em>. Order online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call to order at 1-800-358-6329. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way\u2014a quick heads-up\u2014FamilyLife\u2019s movie, \u201cLike Arrows,\u201d that was in theaters last year is going to be available starting tomorrow on DVD or on video-on-demand. So, if you\u2019ve not seen \u201cLike Arrows,\u201d been waiting to get a copy, you can find it in your favorite retailer, or you can go online to wherever you buy movies and look for the movie \u201cLike Arrows.\u201d We\u2019ve had a lot of you asking, \u201cWhen\u2019s this going to come out?\u201d and it actually comes out tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, make plans to get a copy of the movie \u201cLike Arrows,\u201d and if you have a hard time finding it anywhere else it\u2019ll be available online tomorrow at FamilyLifeToday.com, so you can always come to our website to get your copy of the movie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, the whole reason we made the movie \u201cLike Arrows\u201d\u2026same reason we do everything we do here at FamilyLife\u00ae\u2014we want to provide practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLike Arrows\u201d was a part of our <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2122 video series initiative that we launched last year. Many of you who support this ministry helped make that project possible, and of course, your donations to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> make this radio program possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you go online to support the ministry or when you call to make a donation, you help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program, which is now heard not only on radio, but online, through our app, and even on Amazon Alexa devices.\u00a0 You can train your devices to just say, \u201cAlexa, play <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,\u201d and hear the program whenever you\u2019d like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you a copy of Crawford and Karen Lorritts\u2019 new book, <em>Your Marriage Today and Tomorrow<\/em>. It\u2019s a great book\u2014in fact, we\u2019re going to talk to Crawford and Karen about it next week. The book is our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or when you call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks in advance for partnering with us in this ministry, and we\u2019re grateful for your ongoing support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow\u2014Deepak Reju is going to be here again. We\u2019re going to continue talking about how a single woman can be smart in her relationship choices, and how you can ask the right questions while you\u2019re dating one another so that your marriage is a surprise-free relationship. We\u2019ll talk more about tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of <em>FamilyLife<\/em> of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300041","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300041"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300041"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300041"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300041"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300041"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300041"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300041"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}