{"id":300025,"date":"2019-01-18T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-18T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:14","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:14","slug":"spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Spiritual Warfare and Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Tim Muehlhoff | Series: Defending Your Marriage | Tim Muehlhoff, a professor of communication at Biola, talks about the reality of spiritual warfare in marriage. Muehlhoff reminds believers that the enemy of our souls is still alive and well and would love to see your marriage fail. He explains where a couple might see evil&#8217;s influence and how a couple can fight back with faith.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tim Muehlhof talks about the reality of spiritual warfare in marriage. Muehlhoff reminds believers that the enemy of our souls is still alive and well and would love to see your marriage fail.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:21","filesize":"25.04M","filesize_raw":"26253779","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2810,2827,2863],"tags":[4056,4054,4055],"podcast_series":[7162],"cwp_profile":[3245],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300025","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-growing-spiritually","category-repentance","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-satan","tag-spiritual-warfare","tag-the-enemy-of-marriage","podcast_series-defending-your-marriage","cwp_profile-tim-muehlhoff","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300025\/spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300025\/spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"CLVplcAO2O\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage\/\">Spiritual Warfare and Your Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/spiritual-warfare-and-your-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=CLVplcAO2O\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Spiritual Warfare and Your Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"CLVplcAO2O\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Tim Muehlhof talks about the reality of spiritual warfare in marriage. Muehlhoff reminds believers that the enemy of our souls is still alive and well and would love to see your marriage fail.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things that the Bible tells us really matters to God is how we relate to others \/ that we love our neighbor as ourselves. So it stands to reason that that\u2019s an area that God\u2019s enemy, Satan, would have under attack. Tim Muehlhoff says the patterns we develop for our relationships outside of marriage will eventually impact the way we relate to one another <em>inside<\/em> the marriage relationship. Here\u2019s Tim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> There\u2019s that person I have an attitude against. I don\u2019t think pleasant <a id=\"_Hlk532669370\">thoughts towards them and I <em>harbor<\/em> it. Now in order to harbor it, I\u2019ve got to say no to the Holy Spirit; or learn to turn off the Holy Spirit. So Satan is like \u201cOh, I love that habit. I\u2019m going to keep that habit. It has nothing to do with this marriage <em>yet<\/em>. But he\u2019s getting really good at ignoring the prompting of the Holy Spirit in <em>that<\/em> area. Now, when it happens with his wife, Noreen, I\u2019m going to borrow that bad habit and kick it over to the marriage.\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, January 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Are there ways that Satan has begun to get a foothold in your marriage relationship? \u2014relational habits that are helping him separate the two of you \/ isolate the two of you? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with our guest, Tim Muehlhoff. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re going to talk about issues in marriage that couples rarely see. They see the manifestation of the issue, but they rarely see the issue itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think you\u2019re right Bob. I have to tell you when I got a copy of Dr. Tim Muehlhoff\u2019s book, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought \u201cNow isn\u2019t that interesting, of all the people that I would expect to write <em>this<\/em> book\u201d\u2014I\u2019m sorry, Tim, you would not be in the first 100, [Laughter] as I thought about this, because Tim is really one of the finest communicators we have on our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage conference speaker team. He\u2019s always so mindful of audience and audience response. But he\u2019s written a book about the devil and how the devil destroys marriages. You know what, he\u2019s right because he gets his source material from <em>the<\/em> book, the Bible, and the book begins with marriage and family starting on a spiritual battlefield. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and you mentioned the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. This is a good place for us to remind our listeners that this week and next week if you sign up for one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, you and your spouse can attend for 50 percent off the regular registration fee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we\u2019re making this special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. It\u2019s good this week and next week. If you want to find out when a getaway is happening in a city near where you live, go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com and the information is available there. Or call us if you have any questions about the getaway. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY. This is a great two-and-a-half-day island for couples where you can just focus on one another and learn more about God\u2019s design for marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, sign up and save 50% off the regular registration fee this week or next week when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You may see our guest today, Tim Muehlhoff, and his wife, Noreen, at one of these getaways because as you said they\u2019re a part of the speaker team for the getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communications at Biola University. He is the Director of Resources for Biola\u2019s Center for Marriage and Family Relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the past 22 years, he has spoken at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. He was fired yesterday. [Laughter] So that\u2019s been terminated, but it was a good run.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> It was a good run. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a good run. You\u2019ve written this book though. You wrote it. Now I mean that Tim. I was surprised you wrote this book but very heartened because you took on the subject with a very no-nonsense approach to say \u201cHey you know what folks? If Jesus talked about a personal devil who is at work to deceive \/ to lie to us \/ who is our adversary, we ought to be talking about him just a little bit and helping folks know how to deal with his ploys.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you surprised you wrote this book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I was surprised I wrote the book and surprised by the reaction of some friends. I had some friends tell me \u201cThis is not going to be good for your career. You don\u2019t want to write a book on the devil. It\u2019s going to call into question your credibility in other areas.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Interesting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I had some friends say \u201cI thought our goal was to get people to marriage conferences. This is going to scare them away.\u201d That bothered me. So a friend of mine, Clint Arnold, who is one of the top scholars in the United States on the book of Ephesians\u2014He teaches at Biola University\u2014He said this to me \u201cGo ahead and read the New Testament and then come back to me. Read the New Testament and where on the list of priorities is spiritual battle and then let\u2019s talk.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou read the New Testament; it\u2019s everywhere. Every single New Testament writer talks about it. Paul is very concerned about it. He tells the church at Corinth \u201cI want you to understand the schemes of the devil.\u201d John makes a startling statement. He says, \u201cThe whole world lies in the power of the evil one.\u201d So as the American church, we\u2019re just skittish when it comes to this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was doing interviews for the book, I would say to a couple\u2014kind of setting them up\u2014I\u2019d say, \u201cOf all the sermons you\u2019ve heard on spiritual battle this year, what was your favorite?\u201d [Laughter] They\u2019d say, \u201cWe didn\u2019t hear any.\u201d Any\u2014think about that, none! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd these are great churches that these individuals go to. What is the reason for that? So I try to explore that in the book. Why we\u2019re embarrassed by the topic of Satan. Why we\u2019re embarrassed by the topic of spiritual battle. But that\u2019s only the American church. The other churches\u2014lightyears ahead of us in recognizing the power of spiritual forces. Again, not getting carried away with it but understanding that this is part of the marital\u00a0\u00a0 struggle are these spiritual forces.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tim, the issues that I think we deal with every day that are working against us are not only the works of the devil, but we live in a culture that is under that influence. That works against us and then our own flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The world, the flesh, and the devil.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So I think as we look at our lives and say \u201cOkay, what\u2019s our biggest enemy?\u201d We would probably say \u201cWell, the flesh is maybe my biggest enemy. That\u2019s the thing I\u2019m battling every day. Then the culture is number two on that list. And then Satan, if he shows up occasionally, I do battle with that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut really, behind the battle with the culture and behind the battle with the flesh, there\u2019s an enemy that is energizing both of those things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. We live in a\u2014and we say this at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> conference all the time: that there\u2019s threats against our marriages. We take an evening and talk about things that are working against us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow to stop and say \u201cOkay, is every one of that started by Satan?\u201d Well, I think he\u2019s in the background, Bob, like you\u2019re saying. He didn\u2019t create hurry sickness\/hurriedness. He didn\u2019t create technology, but he sure does like to use it to drive us apart from each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the reasons he stays in the background on these things is because the closer he gets to the surface, the more aware of him we become, and then we pay attention. If he can just stay behind the scenes and pull the strings on all of this stuff, that works beautifully for him, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes, and actually something happened to me that backfired on Satan. So I was asked to be the interim teaching pastor at a church in California. They were looking for a new senior pastor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey asked me to do this and I started having violent dreams. I mean the worst dreams I\u2019ve ever had in my life. I literally would get up out of bed, stand in front of the door knowing that somebody\u2019s coming up the stairs to kill me and Noreen. Not to rob us but to kill us. I literally was up, my heart racing, in a fighting position. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I\u2019d start to think to myself \u201cWell, wait a minute. How come the alarm didn\u2019t go off? The dog didn\u2019t bark.\u201d I\u2019d crack the door. I was absolutely alone. Nobody is out there. That happened three nights in a row. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe elders called me, and they said \u201cHey, how are things going? Any prayer requests?\u201d I said to them \u201cListen, I am having some violent dreams.\u201d I almost didn\u2019t mention it to them. I was embarrassed by it. The phone call was almost over, and I was not mentioning these violent dreams. They called the elders together immediately and prayed for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA huge part of the book is \u201cOkay, how do we diagnose the demonic? What are telltale signs?\u201d So, I read dozens of books about spiritual battle. I looked for \u2018What did every author mention? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat are the top five that made everybody\u2019s list?\u201d And in fact, there were. So the top five were things like inappropriate anger. All of us get angry at our spouses, but this is anger that I can\u2019t let go of. We\u2019ve all been there, right? You go to bed at night, you\u2019re angry. You wake up in the morning, you\u2019re angry. You\u2019re in the shower, you\u2019re just angry. You think about this person and anger will not let go. Everybody mentioned that that was one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond was violent dreams. Now, I have a colleague of mine who teaches classes on spiritual battle and he says regularly \u201cHalf my class mentions these violent dreams that tend to happen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird on the list was the sense of impending doom. I mean it\u2019s one thing to have financial concerns; that\u2019s very normal for a couple. But this impending sense of doom was like \u201cWe are going to be financially ruined by this decision. The kids are going to hate us if we discipline them, and we\u2019ll lose our relationship with our kids.\u201d So it\u2019s that sense of impending doom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen there was this \u201cI no longer believe the best about God. There was a time I believed that God was in my corner. There was a time that I believed that God listened to our prayers, that God was there for us as Paul says in Romans chapter eight. But now I don\u2019t know if God\u2019s for me. I think He\u2019s not for me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the last one was \u201cI no longer have positive thoughts about myself. I\u2019m actually embarrassed by my actions. I feel shame.\u201d Again, there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt might be that the Holy Spirit is nudging you to be a better husband or wife. Shame is \u201cI\u2019m a horrible person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I read all these different books those were the top five that everybody mentioned. So if those are the things that listeners are working through the list saying \u201cOoh, I can think of that and this.\u201d That might be a good indicator that something is happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to read what Peter said in his first epistle. He said \u201cBe sober-minded; be watchful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.\u201d Now listen to how he advises us to act. \u201cResist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.\u201d Faith is ultimately what the devil wants to destroy. It\u2019s the opposite of pride because pride says, \u201cI can do it.\u201d Humility says, \u201cNo, God can do it. I want to lean into him.\u201d The way we respond when we run into spiritual battle with the devil, we must lean toward God being our refuge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He needs to be the source of our faith. I\u2019ve been spending a lot of time in the Psalms in the last six months, and over and over in the Psalms, David and other writers of that book \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tcry out to God to be the refuge \/ to protect them from people who would do them harm. I think it\u2019s our relationship with Christ that is infused with scripture. We have to be in this book. If you don\u2019t, you\u2019re not going to do a good job spotting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the devil attacking you if you haven\u2019t gotten into the book and asked God for wisdom and discernment and understanding of how he attacks us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> But here\u2019s how Satan will use that\u2014his strategy to undermine us. So let\u2019s say we say as a couple \u201cGod is our refuge. We\u2019re going to trust in Him. We\u2019re going to lean into Him,\u201d right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen our finances start to get really tight, one of our kids starts to stray from the faith, one of us starts to have this unexpected physical ailment. Now all of that might not be Satan induced, right? I mean things like that just happen. Our kids are freewill beings who can choose to follow family values or not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s Satan in the background saying \u201cOkay, what kind of a refuge is God?\u201d\u2014right? \u201cI would assume if God loved you the way you say he does, that He\u2019s your heavenly Father, that he listens to every one of your prayers, well, certainly, He can take care of your finances. Certainly, He can keep one of your kids going to church. Certainly, He can protect you healthwise. But isn\u2019t it curious that He didn\u2019t? So is He your refuge?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, at that point, Dennis, we have a decision to make, right? Paul would say \u201cTake these thoughts captive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> But if we start to dwell on them, Satan gets an opening, and he\u2019s like \u201cOkay, awesome. Maybe God isn\u2019t quite all that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you talk in the book about a couple who\u2014they were getting on each other\u2019s nerves and kind of normal marital squabbling going on, and they had to do some diagnosis. Tell about them, can you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim: <\/strong>Yes, so Ken and Maria\u2014again, we obviously give fictional names anytime we mention a real couple\u2014so they were opposites, right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, now they get married, and now that often happens in marriage, these very strengths kind of bug me now that I\u2019m living with you 24\/7, right? Okay, that\u2019s normal. At that point, I would say to any married couple \u201cGuess what, welcome to life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> That transition is difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you used to look at and go \u201cI kind of admire that about him,\u201d now it gets on my nerves because it\u2019s there every day, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes. Now, here\u2019s where the apostle Paul would step in. He would say \u201cOkay, I get how those differences would even make you angry.\u201d Okay, so now, you\u2019re kind of going to bed a little bit angry at each other. Paul would say \u201cI want you to deal with that anger before the sun goes down. Don\u2019t let it take root,\u201d why? This is where Paul would surprise the American church \u201cDon\u2019t let it take root as not to give the devil a foothold.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul spiritualizes it in a heartbeat. So here is what I would say to Ken and Maria, \u201cHow are you doing dealing with these disappointments, or anger, or the fact that you\u2019re kind of irked with each other?\u201d \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. We don\u2019t really do good at talking about differences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know. We don\u2019t want to make a big deal out of it.\u201d Okay, be careful because this seems footholdish to me. The longer you let this go, the more momentum it\u2019s going to gain, and Satan is going to want to get that momentum going in the wrong direction. Now, at that point, I\u2019m not going to say to them \u201cBy the way, say three spiritual warfare prayers and you\u2019re good to go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I would say spiritual warfare prayers but also apply some good conflict resolution techniques that we share at the conference. So it\u2019s going to always be this mixture of the spiritual with everything we know about conflict resolution that we\u2019ve studied over hundreds of years. So it\u2019s never going to be just a purely spiritual. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAlright, Ken and Maria, you just pray every single night that Satan be cast out and you\u2019re going to be fine.\u201d No, you\u2019re addressing the source but now you\u2019ve got to deal with the particulars, and that is good listening skills, finding common ground, putting her needs above your needs, and things like that. So it\u2019s always going to be a mixture of the two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Dennis, going back to what you said, we need to get dressed in the armor of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is no coincidence that one of the most beautiful passages on marriage, Ephesians 5, is followed immediately by Ephesians 6, and in the original letter, there\u2019s no chapter breaks. So for Paul that is one continuous thought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let me just read what you\u2019re talking about\u2014just a little bit from Ephesians 6 verse 10\u2014Paul says, \u201cFinally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not struggle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it says, \u201cTherefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what\u2019s the good news and the bad news about the armor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> I\u2019ve already mentioned to listeners that I\u2019m one belt away from a blackbelt in Shaolin Kung Fu. Now when we spar, I literally have a bag with me. What do I do? I take out a chest protector and I put it around. I wear a helmet. There\u2019re things that actually cover my feet. There\u2019re pads because we break fingers and toes all the time when sparring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if only the armor of God were like that, right? So when I feel spiritual attack is on its way, I open up my spiritual bag I literally take out a chest protector, put it on. Put on a helmet. Put on something to protect my hands and my feet. Paul is not talking about something literal like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow he\u2019s using most likely a Roman soldier as his model, but he says \u201cListen, this is a way of life.\u201d So I\u2019m sorry for some of you, it\u2019s not a quick fix. So when he says the breastplate of righteousness, of course, he\u2019s talking about the doctrine of justification that your sins have been forgiven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut many commentators believe when he talks about the breastplate of righteousness it is right living. When he talks about the belt of truth, he\u2019s not just talking about biblical truth. Many believe that he\u2019s actually talking about truth telling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn today\u2019s society, we play loose with the truth. Last year, the Oxford dictionary picked the word post-truth as their word of the year. So as Christians we get caught up with telling half truths to our spouse, right? We spend the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Paul is saying when you put that belt on, how much do you actually tell the truth to your spouse? Now if your spinning it with your spouse, guess what? The armor isn\u2019t working like it should be. Then he gets to the helmet of salvation where again your relationship with God is secure. Nothing\u2019s going to happen that\u2019s going to cause God to love you less than what He does right now. Your feet being shod with the gospel means that you are secure in Jesus\u2019 love for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut this is all lifestyle type things. I think for some of us, we\u2019d love it if there was an actual armor that we could put on in the moment we need it and then forget about it. Paul says \u201cNo, it doesn\u2019t quite work that way. You have to live out your Christian faith and if you don\u2019t, it\u2019s going to make you susceptible. But the good news is if you\u2019re living out practically the Christian faith, then it\u2019s actually going to provide you protection in your relationship and in spiritual battle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And think about how you just described this spiritual armor. If somebody is secure in their relationship with Jesus and their salvation \/ if they are practicing right living \/ if they are committed to speaking the truth in love in one another, then you are able to withstand, in that kind of position, what the devil is throwing at you because you\u2019ve got spiritual protection around your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, how has writing this book and thinking about this subject changed your relationship with Noreen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Boy, short accounts. I\u2019m haunted when Paul says, \u201cI want you to deal with anger because don\u2019t give the devil a foothold.\u201d And one guy, Dr. Chris Grace, a psychologist, says \u201cI\u2019ll tell you what, you start to harbor things\u2014not just against your spouse but harbor things against other people\u2014Satan loves that because it\u2019s created a foothold. So the Holy Spirit convicts me that I\u2019m to go to that person and resolve the issue with that person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRemember Jesus says heading into the synagogue, you see a brother or a sister\u2014man don\u2019t go into the synagogue, deal with it right now. But there\u2019s that person I have an attitude against. I don\u2019t think pleasant thoughts towards them and I <em>harbor<\/em> it. Now in order to harbor it, I\u2019ve got to say no to the Holy Spirit; or learn to turn off the Holy Spirit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Satan is like \u201cOh, I love that habit. I\u2019m going to keep that habit. It has nothing to do with this marriage <em>yet<\/em>. But he\u2019s getting really good at ignoring the prompting of the Holy Spirit in that area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, when it happens with his wife Noreen, I\u2019m going to borrow that bad habit and kick it over to the marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why Satan is more like a spiritual ninja than he is a full Samurai warrior. He\u2019s always in the background saying \u201cOh, that\u2019s a wonderful little bad habit!\u201d \u201cOh, that\u2019s a little delightful tendency.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last chapter in the book is my absolute favorite. You know C.S. Lewis\u2014the book that haunted him the most was <em>The Screwtape Letters<\/em> and it\u2019s a creative inside perspective of how demons encourage each other and train each other and if readers haven\u2019t read it, oh, they just have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, the book that Tim has written is <em>Defending your Marriage: The Reality of Spiritual Battle<\/em>. I just have to look at one last exhortation in Ephesians 6 it says, \u201cIn all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod wants you to get in this book, the Bible, and He wants to stir you to faith. Hebrews 11:6 \u201cWithout faith it is impossible to please him.\u201d I think what Tim is going to do in his book is call you to a greater faith \/ a deeper faith \/ a walk of faith and that\u2019s how your marriage and your family are going to grow and produce fruit exponentially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, I want to say thanks for writing this book and I pray that you get over your point of bitterness for Duke. [Laughter] I think it\u2019s a foothold.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We had to go there, didn\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong> Get behind me, blue devil. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got information available about the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway where Dr. Muehlhoff and his wife, Noreen, regularly speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got about\u2014almost 60 of these events happening this spring in cities all across the country, and if you register this week or next week, you save 50% off the regular registration fee. We\u2019ve had a lot of listeners call in already to get signed up for an upcoming getaway. If you want to find out when a getaway is coming to a city near where you live this spring, or maybe there\u2019s a city you\u2019d like to travel to, to experience a getaway, find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online and save 50% off the regular registration fee. Or call if you have any questions\u20141-800-FL-TODAY and we can get you registered over the phone as well and have you take advantage of the savings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Tim\u2019s book, <em>Defending Your Marriage: The Reality of Spiritual Battle<\/em>, we\u2019ve got that available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> resource center as well. You can order that book from us online, or call if you have any questions, or if you\u2019d like to order by phone\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the book is called <em>Defending Your Marriage<\/em> by Tim Muehlhoff, <em>The Reality of Spiritual Battle<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for today. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday as we\u2019re going to spend some time reflecting on the life and legacy on Dr. Martin Luther King in honor of his birthday. Monday, of course, is the Dr. King holiday so I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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