{"id":300019,"date":"2019-01-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/laugh-for-a-happier-marriage\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:13","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:13","slug":"laugh-for-a-happier-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/laugh-for-a-happier-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Laugh for a Happier Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The best thing a couple can do for their marriage is to pray together every day. The second best: laugh. Author and counselor Jim Burns encourages any couple who wants to win in marriage to laugh a lot.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:41","filesize":"25.36M","filesize_raw":"26586654","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2808,2862],"tags":[4007,4046,4042,4041,4043,2229,4044,4045,4037],"podcast_series":[7161],"cwp_profile":[8798],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300019","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-newlyweds","category-understanding-differences","tag-busyness","tag-connection","tag-date-night","tag-having-fun-together","tag-intentionality","tag-praying-together","tag-slow-down","tag-spiritual-intimacy","tag-the-first-few-years-of-marriage","podcast_series-the-first-few-years-of-marriage","cwp_profile-jim-burns","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300019\/laugh-for-a-happier-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300019\/laugh-for-a-happier-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ireJN7xP7z\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/laugh-for-a-happier-marriage\/\">Laugh for a Happier Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/laugh-for-a-happier-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=ireJN7xP7z\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Laugh for a Happier Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ireJN7xP7z\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may not have thought about it this way, but one of the threats to your marriage is your schedule. Here\u2019s Jim Burns\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I understand how hard it is for a young couple. They have babysitting\u2014they have, maybe a mortgage payment or a rent payment\u2014they have all these things. If they have kids, it\u2019s so hard for them to find all the right ways. What we\u2019re saying is, \u201cLook. Invest 1% of your week\u2014that\u2019s one hour and 40 minutes. Spend 1% of your week having fun on a date.\u201d You can find that time! If your kids are too young, then put them to bed and eat Chinese food on the couch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever it is, but just enjoy each other\u2019s company. We\u2019ve just found that\u2014for us personally\u2014fun has kept a spark going in a way that other things don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, January 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Is busyness having an impact on your marriage? Can you carve out 1% of your week to focus on each other? We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Jim Burns. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve been asked this question a hundred times. With young couples getting married\u2014\u201cWhat\u2019s the best piece of advice you\u2019d give them in the first year of their marriage?\u201d And I know we\u2019ve already talked this week--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and you know my answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know we\u2019ve talked this week about eliminating the \u201cD\u201d word\u2014take that out of the equation. Is there something else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, that would not be the first one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, what would be the first one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The first one is to pray together\u2014every day. You\u2019ve heard me tell the story\u2014and I\u2019ll not tell it again\u2014but I think there is something profoundly spiritual\u2014I think it\u2019s mystical\u2014and I think it is also permanent when you invite God to come into your midst on a daily basis, and you both humble your wills and you bend your necks\u2014even if you\u2019re lying in bed together. You don\u2019t have to get out and get on the floor and kneel to have the right posture when you pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust acknowledge: \u201cGod, You\u2019re in charge. We are not. We are broken. You are not. We need You to build our home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, if you do that over a lifetime\u2014Bob, you\u2019ve heard me tell the story. I\u2019ve probably shared this with who knows how many men, challenging them to take their wife\u2019s hands and pray with her. Just a short prayer\u2014it doesn\u2019t have to be long, but begin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made this pledge, and it\u2019s not found in the Bible, but I\u2019ve said this: If you\u2019ll do this for two years, at the end of two years, you will have experienced a sense of oneness that will transcend the previous years of your marriage. And if you keep on doing it for a lifetime\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I were married in 1972\u2014our guest was married in 1974 to his wife, Kathy. I just want to ask Jim Burns. Jim, do you pray every day with Kathy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I didn\u2019t at the start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would pray. We were both in ministry, and both caring for people\u2014but we didn\u2019t. One day, we had realized we really needed mentors. We were talking with a couple, and this mentor of ours\u2014we were talking actually, more about parenting\u2014but then I said, \u201cWhat do you do for spiritual intimacy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWell, we pray every day.\u201d He said, \u201cSometimes it\u2019s only 20 or 30 seconds. Then we actually spend about 20 or 30 minutes per week in spiritual intimacy.\u201d As we were driving out of the driveway, and she said, \u201cYou know that 20-minute thing? And you know that daily thing? I want to do that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we made a commitment to do that. I would have to say that, the 20-minute thing, we call our \u201cCloser Time.\u201d Sometimes there\u2019s not bells and whistles on it, but I think that\u2019s where some of the anointing and the good part of our marriage and our ministry comes. Praying daily? Absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKathy just said, while we were speaking together one night, she told a bunch of people that, \u201cJim was in the middle of his prayer in bed, and he fell asleep\u2014in the middle of <em>me <\/em>speaking!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust so you know, I\u2019m not always doing it right, but I wholeheartedly\u2014I\u2019m so glad you brought that up! I almost got chills, because what we\u2019re challenging young couples to do is\u2014\u201cBuild your spiritual intimacy. Build your compatibility.\u201d You do that through prayer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow here\u2019s a fascinating thing! You know, studies are now showing that when couples pray together daily, the divorce rate goes way, way, way down. So, some of us wouldn\u2019t have to deal with marriage counseling if only people would start praying together regularly. Now, I\u2019m not saying that that is the magic wand that takes away all of your problems, but you said it right\u2014people pray on a daily basis\u2014if they would do that, it\u2019s going to change the way that they have their relationship go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For those of you who don\u2019t know Jim Burns, Jim is an author and a speaker. He gives leadership to a marriage and family program at Azusa Pacific University and has been a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>before. He\u2019s also a cheerleader for the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just jump in here and let listeners know about the special offer that we\u2019ve got going on this week and next week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re about to begin the spring season of getaways\u2014start in early February. We\u2019ve got about 60 events happening this spring. This is a fun, two-and-a-half day getaway for couples. It\u2019s happening all across the country. If you register for an upcoming getaway now, you can save 50% off the regular registration fee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s good this week and next week, so I\u2019m encouraging listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get the information. Find out when a getaway is going to be happening in a city near where you live or a city you\u2019d like to visit. Get it put on the schedule now so that you guys can plan to get away for a weekend. Then, when you register this week or next week, you\u2019ll save 50% off the regular registration fee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more at FamilyLifeToday.com, and plan to join us at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways. I know, Jim, you\u2019ve been to the getaway. You and Doug Fields have written a book called, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve done a lot of weddings for couples who are getting married, and this book is kind of a compendium of the advice that you give to those couples as you give them the charge for their first few years of marriage. I think it\u2019s interesting where you start with couples, by saying, \u201cYou\u2019re going to need to laugh a lot.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why there? Why start there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, we started with that because too many couples get so distracted at the beginning of their marriages\u2014they quit having fun together. What brought them together? They had fun! They went on dates. They enjoyed each other\u2019s company. They laughed together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of the sudden, they have lost the fun factor. You look up a couple of years later and you\u2019re sort of lost\u2014you\u2019re distracted. It was that great theologian, Vince Lombardi of the Green Bay Packers [Laughter], who said, \u201cWhen you\u2019ve strayed away from the basics, you\u2019ve gone a long ways toward defeat.\u201d The basics are prayer, and the basics would also be having fun together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Kathy and I realized was we had lost some of the fun factor\u2014not because we didn\u2019t want to have fun! So Kathy and I made a decision\u2014and we actually believe that this was as spiritual of a decision as you can make\u2014to start enjoying each other with time together more; to go out on more dates and enjoy each other\u2019s company. As we did that, we kind of re-found our focus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know, I understand how hard it is for a young couple. They have babysitting\u2014they have, maybe a mortgage payment or a rent payment\u2014they have all these things. If they have kids, it\u2019s so hard for them to find all the right ways. What we\u2019re saying is, \u201cLook. Invest 1% of your week\u2014that\u2019s one hour and 40 minutes. Spend 1% of your week having fun on a date.\u201d You can find that time! If your kids are too young, then put them to bed and eat Chinese food on the couch or someplace. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever it is\u2014but just enjoy each other\u2019s company. We\u2019ve just found that, for us personally, fun has kept a spark going in a way that other things don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jim, you don\u2019t know this, but Barbara and I had\u2014I guess in the first 12 years of our marriage, we had\u2014six kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I do know that. You\u2019re an animal! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One right after another. You know, children\u2014I\u2019ll never forget a listener who wrote in: \u201cOur romance gave us our children, and then our children took our romance.\u201d [Laughter] And so we started a date night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we tried to hit all four Sunday nights each month. We didn\u2019t always hit four. Sometimes, we hit three and sometimes, because of sickness, or travel, or whatever, we\u2019d only get two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But the point is, we were regular in our date nights. Now here\u2019s the kicker! Even a date night that is designed to be fun, romantic, and a reconnection of two partners in life\u2014it can get in a rut. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It can turn into a business meeting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s what it did, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It turned into a business meeting around which child needed the most help <em>now.<\/em> You know, the puck moved to different spots on the ice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And those are important conversations for parents to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are! They are, but you just have to protect that hour and 40 minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s a really good idea, to just say, \u201cWhat do we need to do to enliven, and spark up, and go do something totally out of the box?\u201d So, for a while, we went through a process where\u2014\u201chis turn, her turn.\u201d Pick something fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So we\u2019re going fishing this week. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> . . . and then we\u2019re going to garden the next week.\u201d That kind of thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, yes, but it wouldn\u2019t be chores. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wouldn\u2019t be chores. It would be, \u201cWhere are we going to go eat? Well, maybe we\u2019ll drive aways out into the country, to a spot that is a cute little spot that\u2019s just out of the way. You\u2019ve got to go there on purpose.\u201d Those kind of things go a long way in keeping that spark alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It does! You know what\u2019s crazy is that\u2019s really simple, but where we miss it sometimes is in the simple. By going to that faraway place, you got to talk in the car\u2014the kids weren\u2019t there. You have to make sure that you\u2019re taking care of the kids, especially when you\u2019re talking about kids. You\u2019ve got to make sure\u2014like, for Kathy\u2014she would do the date as long as we had the babysitting, I told her how the money was working, and all this kind of stuff. She needed that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs long as that was the case\u2014and we still do \u201cyour date, my date.\u201d But when the kids were around, and it was babysitting time, it was my job to go find the right babysitter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It was not Kathy\u2019s time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about something really important. If a husband will help his wife get the sitter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, find her, book her, go get her\u2014then take her back after the evening\u2019s over\u2014he\u2019ll win points with his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, you do. You have to be careful with that in today\u2019s world\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014because of the male\/female side, oftentimes, as you would know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But you\u2019re 100% right. If the male initiates some of the logistics of the date, that\u2019s huge. You haven\u2019t even been on the date yet, and you\u2019ve already got points.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned the great theologian Vince Lombardi. I\u2019m going to bring up a different great theologian, and that\u2019s Brian Wilson, who said when we were growing up, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s going to make it that much better when we can say \u2018Good night\u2019 and stay together. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn\u2019t have to wait so long.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe idea was\u2014marriage is just going to be so much better than dating because we can be together all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, here\u2019s what we found\u2014when you\u2019re not together all of the time, you make the most of the time you\u2019re together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you\u2019re together all of the time, you start to take for granted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the fact that you\u2019re together all of the time. Then\u2014this is where you\u2019ve got to step back in and say, \u201cWe need some time where we are purposeful and intentional about valuing one another.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, what you do so well at all of the conferences that you\u2019re speaking at on marriage, is talking about intentionality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot about marriage that\u2019s just intentional. Whether it be Brian Wilson\u2014Are you talking about Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, yes! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I am so impressed!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Singing] \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if we were older, then. . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I would sing with you, but I can\u2019t carry a tune. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it is intentional\u2014it\u2019s about intentionality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Why is that so bad? What\u2019s <em>wrong <\/em>with intentionality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s another thing you need to be intentional about, especially for this generation of young marrieds\u2014slow down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Stop the breakneck pace, and give yourselves a chance to breathe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Oh, exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, just when you said that, I felt more comfortable. Do you know what the truth is? It\u2019s that one of the biggest problems in America\u2014both in marriage and in parenting\u2014and I know you guys agree with me on this\u2014is this breathless pace in which we\u2019re living our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019m not saying everybody has to move to Wyoming and live in a commune. I\u2019m saying we have to figure out here and now, \u201cHow do we do this?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2014again\u2014takes some discipline. When I graduated from grad school, a friend of mine wrote me a note, because I didn\u2019t stay for graduation. I was going back to do ministry. He said, \u201cDear Jim, We missed you at graduation. If the devil can\u2019t make you bad, he\u2019ll make you busy.\u201d You know, that was prophetic for me. Now I\u2019m not the one who\u2019s going to be in the arms of another woman, or who\u2019s going to embezzle money\u2014I\u2019m going to be busy doing \u201cimportant\u201d things, and I\u2019m going to miss the most important things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So that\u2019s been an issue for me. But I find these couples, in their first few years, are <em>so <\/em>busy. I think, maybe, they need to take a step back. And I think we, as leaders, need to sometimes say, \u201cHey, we invite you to take a step back. Don\u2019t be so busy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy friend, Doug Fields, who co-wrote the book with me, I hear him say often when we do our marriage conference\u2014he says, \u201cBusy people are broken people a lot of times.\u201d That hurts\u2014because I always thought if you were busy, you were successful. But truly, sometimes our busyness keeps us from having intimacy. What does intimacy mean? Connecting with our spouse. Because we\u2019re so busy, we don\u2019t get to ever have those connection times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. You stop and think about God\u2019s design for us, and He modeled, at creation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that there would be a day where we rest. We don\u2019t have a whole lot of rest built into our days or our weeks. I think that has us never being fully present where we are because we\u2019re always thinking about the important thing that is coming next. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When that happens, it\u2019s back to the premise of your book, there\u2019s going to be a drift toward isolation in your marriage if you don\u2019t have that time to just slow down and be with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You\u2019re right. You know, that Scripture that you were referring to is fascinating to me, because it says, \u201cHe rested\u201d\u2014talking about God\u2014\u201cHe rested and was refreshed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, many times, we\u2019re never refreshed in our relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> And the Hebrew could actually be \u201crefreshed,\u201d or it actually could be translated, \u201cHe exhaled. He took a deep breath.\u201d You know, Dennis, when you were slowing it down, you exhaled. Sometimes, in a marriage, you\u2019ve got to exhale. We just keep going at this pace, thinking that it\u2019s going to\u2014What are you going to do? It\u2019s the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again. Sometimes we have to just stop and slow down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So if you had a young couple who had gotten married, and they were in the first year\u2014both of them busy in career growth and development\u2014there\u2019s travel involved. Life just seems pretty frantic. They live around you, so the commute wherever they\u2019re going is 45 minutes to an hour both ways. They say, \u201cOkay, yes. We get it, but how do you do that\u2014practically\u2014given the realities of life in our world?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t think there are easy answers, Bob, but I do think that one of the things we have to do is challenge them to have certain situations that they just <em>must <\/em>do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPrayer\u2014we talked about prayer at the beginning of this broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Pray daily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were talking about 1% of your week. Could you do 1% of your day? That\u2019s 14 minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Where you just slow down and connect. I think part of that is the discipline. You have a busy life and you have a busy job\u2014I understand that. At the same time, if you\u2019re not having a date night, and you don\u2019t have regular time together spiritually\u2014if you\u2019re not in some kind of a small group\u2014there are certain things you build <em>around<\/em>, that are key to a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> When you build those elements into it, then the other things\u2014it\u2019s going to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the things that keep you busy are the things that are your priorities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019re right! Years ago, I was speaking at the PromiseKeepers Pastors\u2019 Conference. A man named Jack Hayford\u2014whom I adore\u2014was the pastor of the ceremony. I was sitting in the back with him, before I was going to go on. The band was playing, and I said, \u201cJack, what\u2019s the secret to your leadership success?\u201d You know, I love to ask old guys\u2014I guess now, like me! He said, \u201cYou know, Jim, it\u2019s not what I\u2019ve chosen to do. It\u2019s what I\u2019ve chosen <em>not <\/em>to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u201cBecause I\u2019ve had to say \u2018no\u2019 to some pretty important things to say \u2018yes\u2019 to the most important.\u201d I pushed him. \u201cWhat are those?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWell, it\u2019s my wife,\u201d and then he named his kids\u2014he named his grandkids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat he was saying was, \u201cI\u2019ve had to say \u2018no\u2019 to some pretty good opportunities here, that maybe would have even furthered my mission to make sure that the main part of the mission\u2014the family\u2014is going well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there is an overly-responsible DNA today\u2014being birthed in young families\u2014who are comparing what they have with what they have\u2014the activities; the level of different sports their kids are in. I go back to a story I haven\u2019t told in a long time here on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>It\u2019s an exhibit in the Smithsonian Institutes in Washington, D.C. It\u2019s the Double Eagle II, and it\u2019s the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean in a helium-filled balloon. What happened was this guy had it all plotted, until he got in a storm in the North Atlantic, and his balloon began to be covered with ice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere was a ten-story tall helium balloon that was being covered with ice, and it was forcing it down into the North Sea. So he started throwing things overboard. You know, he first of all threw over books, and then he threw over his video camera where he was going to video his landing at the Lindbergh Field when he finally arrived there. Then he radioed, \u201cMayday!\u201d and, as he was breaking out of the clouds, he threw his radio out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went ahead and made it all the way across. His balloon soared; the sun came out and melted the ice; he made it to his destination. I think a lot of couples who are listening to us right now\u2014their balloon is going down\u2014and you keep adding! Sometimes, it has to take a time of admitting where you said, \u201cYes,\u201d too many times, and you pull out the scalpel and you start cutting away and pitching things overboard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, Barbara and I love to stay busy! I think we need to find a way to be able to catch our breath, exhale, and enjoy the journey with the person that we\u2019re sharing it with, and to enjoy our family. If you\u2019re not enjoying your family and the person that you\u2019ve made a commitment\u2014a lifetime commitment\u2014to in marriage, maybe it\u2019s time to throw some things overboard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I go back to something you said 20 minutes ago? You talked about 20 minutes per week of spiritual intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I knew you\u2019d come back to that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about what that 20 minutes looks like, because a lot of guys will hear that and will say, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t know what to do to promote spiritual intimacy for 20 minutes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you prepare a Bible study? What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll tell you the story. When we had this conversation, coming out of the driveway, and what we are talking about was my wife said, \u201cI want that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I said, \u201cWell, great! I don\u2019t want to do another Bible study. We both do Bible studies. We\u2019ve got our groups.\u201d I mean, what am I going to say? \u201cListen, I <em>won\u2019t <\/em>give you 20 minutes of spiritual time,\u201d you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A week!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, it was Sunday evening. She showed up at nine o\u2019clock, and I\u2019d kind of forgotten. That\u2019s how spiritual I am. She came with a devotional, and we read this devotional, and then we prayed together. You know, that was it. I thought, \u201cWell, you know, that wasn\u2019t so bad.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKathy really liked that time, so the next week, same kind of thing. Now, notice, I even said, \u201cKathy brought. . .\u201d So, over the years\u2014we have a book called <em>Closer, <\/em>where we have 52 sessions on this. But what we realized was that if we have Scripture and then story\u2014something inspirational\u2014and then we pray for our family, it doesn\u2019t look sexy\u2014but it builds that time together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So, \u201cDoes it have to be 20 minutes. Can it be 17?\u201d Of course so, but in our book, <em>Closer, <\/em>which is that book on devotions, I quote Gary and Barb Rosburg\u2014who I know you guys know so well. He oftentimes spoke at PromiseKeepers when I did, and they have a book called <em>The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women. <\/em>Do you know what the fourth sex need of a woman is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpiritual intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So, as guys, sometimes\u2014like when you said\u2014\u201cWhat are these guys going to do for 20 minutes?\u201d We honestly don\u2019t know. It\u2019s not even on our list!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So Kathy had to help me understand\u2014and this is where I think we get in tune to our spouse\u2014she had to kind of help me understand\u2014what her need was. Her need was <em>not <\/em>to go into the Greek and the Hebrew\u2014she didn\u2019t want that. I mean, she likes that from our pastor\u2014but she doesn\u2019t want that in our marriage time. For her, it was us finding that time to read God\u2019s Word, or maybe read something inspiring\u2014maybe talk about that, share, and then pray. It\u2019s that simple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, as men, get worried about intimacy. Intimacy\u2014I mean, when we think of the word \u201cintimacy,\u201d we think of physical intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But intimacy means connection. So what Kathy\u2019s looking for is a spiritual connection\u2014a spiritual compatibility. But I find, now, that that becomes a very special time for me. But not always! I\u2019m not saying that every moment is a high. You know, we\u2019re not walking around our house six inches off the ground. The real story is, though, we know we\u2019re going to pray for our family, we know we\u2019re going to connect on a spiritual basis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014and we\u2019re going to read God\u2019s Word together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we pray together daily, but we don\u2019t read God\u2019s Word always\u2014every day\u2014together. We read God\u2019s Word separately, but that\u2019s a beautiful thing that we do. And yet, to explain it\u2014it kind of sounds not that special. It\u2019s like talking about baseball. I mean, I love baseball! But I explain baseball to people who don\u2019t know about baseball, and they say, \u201cWell, that\u2019s kind of boring.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you hit on something really important, because I think guys will look at this and maybe even do something once or twice, and say, \u201cYou know, that seemed kind of normal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the regular discipline of that over time builds something mysterious into the fabric of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You may not even realize how imperceptible is\u2014but it\u2019s powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No\u2014it\u2019s that foundation that you were talking about earlier. You called it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Perma Jack!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Perma Jack. I thought it was a cheese you were talking about! [Laughter] I had no idea what you were talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Perma Jack.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I thought it was a friend of his! I didn\u2019t know who Perma Jack was! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> A long-lost relative!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s building that foundation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you build 20 minutes of spiritual intimacy over year after year after year\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014and it builds up into something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it really is just a long journey, where you\u2019ve enjoyed God with each other, and you\u2019ve shared with each other what God is doing in your life. If you can\u2019t answer that question, then maybe you need to pull back and ask God the question, \u201cWhat do You want to do in my life?\u201d Then share it with your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you didn\u2019t start something like this in the first few years of your marriage, you <em>can <\/em>start it in the current year. Whatever your current year is, it\u2019s a new practice. In fact, we\u2019ve got copies of the book you talked about, <em>Closer,<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center, so if listeners want to get a copy of that, they can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, for those who are in the first few years of marriage, that\u2019s the book that you and Doug Fields have just written that helps young couples with these kinds of practices and disciplines that can build a strong, healthy, \u201cPerma Jacked\u201d foundation under their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do we have those in the Resource Center?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Perma Jack? [Laughter] We\u2019ll put a link on our website to the Permajack people! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You will also find information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. I mentioned this earlier, but this week and next week, if you register for an upcoming getaway, you\u2019ll save 50% off the regular registration fee\u2014so you and your spouse can come out for a great, two-and-a-half day getaway. Just relax, be together, learn about marriage, and spend time talking to one another. It\u2019s really a great investment in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you register this week or next week, you save 50% off the regular registration fee. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to register, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to register over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re just looking to find out when the getaway is going to be in a city near where you live or in a city you\u2019d like to visit this spring, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and we\u2019ll answer any questions you have or, again, get you registered over the phone. Hope to see you at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about conflict resolution. We\u2019re going to talk about the importance of having a Biblical understanding of marital intimacy as you begin your marriage together. Jim Burns will be back with us again tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:41"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.36M"],"filesize_raw":["26586654"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300019.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300019.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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best thing a couple can do for their marriage is to pray together every day. The second best: laugh. Author and counselor Jim Burns encourages any couple who wants to win in marriage to laugh a lot.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may not have thought about it this way, but one of the threats to your marriage is your schedule. Here\u2019s Jim Burns\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I understand how hard it is for a young couple. They have babysitting\u2014they have, maybe a mortgage payment or a rent payment\u2014they have all these things. If they have kids, it\u2019s so hard for them to find all the right ways. What we\u2019re saying is, \u201cLook. Invest 1% of your week\u2014that\u2019s one hour and 40 minutes. Spend 1% of your week having fun on a date.\u201d You can find that time! If your kids are too young, then put them to bed and eat Chinese food on the couch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever it is, but just enjoy each other\u2019s company. We\u2019ve just found that\u2014for us personally\u2014fun has kept a spark going in a way that other things don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, January 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Is busyness having an impact on your marriage? Can you carve out 1% of your week to focus on each other? We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Jim Burns. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve been asked this question a hundred times. With young couples getting married\u2014\u201cWhat\u2019s the best piece of advice you\u2019d give them in the first year of their marriage?\u201d And I know we\u2019ve already talked this week--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and you know my answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know we\u2019ve talked this week about eliminating the \u201cD\u201d word\u2014take that out of the equation. Is there something else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, that would not be the first one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, what would be the first one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The first one is to pray together\u2014every day. You\u2019ve heard me tell the story\u2014and I\u2019ll not tell it again\u2014but I think there is something profoundly spiritual\u2014I think it\u2019s mystical\u2014and I think it is also permanent when you invite God to come into your midst on a daily basis, and you both humble your wills and you bend your necks\u2014even if you\u2019re lying in bed together. You don\u2019t have to get out and get on the floor and kneel to have the right posture when you pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust acknowledge: \u201cGod, You\u2019re in charge. We are not. We are broken. You are not. We need You to build our home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, if you do that over a lifetime\u2014Bob, you\u2019ve heard me tell the story. I\u2019ve probably shared this with who knows how many men, challenging them to take their wife\u2019s hands and pray with her. Just a short prayer\u2014it doesn\u2019t have to be long, but begin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made this pledge, and it\u2019s not found in the Bible, but I\u2019ve said this: If you\u2019ll do this for two years, at the end of two years, you will have experienced a sense of oneness that will transcend the previous years of your marriage. And if you keep on doing it for a lifetime\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I were married in 1972\u2014our guest was married in 1974 to his wife, Kathy. I just want to ask Jim Burns. Jim, do you pray every day with Kathy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I didn\u2019t at the start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would pray. We were both in ministry, and both caring for people\u2014but we didn\u2019t. One day, we had realized we really needed mentors. We were talking with a couple, and this mentor of ours\u2014we were talking actually, more about parenting\u2014but then I said, \u201cWhat do you do for spiritual intimacy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWell, we pray every day.\u201d He said, \u201cSometimes it\u2019s only 20 or 30 seconds. Then we actually spend about 20 or 30 minutes per week in spiritual intimacy.\u201d As we were driving out of the driveway, and she said, \u201cYou know that 20-minute thing? And you know that daily thing? I want to do that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we made a commitment to do that. I would have to say that, the 20-minute thing, we call our \u201cCloser Time.\u201d Sometimes there\u2019s not bells and whistles on it, but I think that\u2019s where some of the anointing and the good part of our marriage and our ministry comes. Praying daily? Absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKathy just said, while we were speaking together one night, she told a bunch of people that, \u201cJim was in the middle of his prayer in bed, and he fell asleep\u2014in the middle of <em>me <\/em>speaking!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust so you know, I\u2019m not always doing it right, but I wholeheartedly\u2014I\u2019m so glad you brought that up! I almost got chills, because what we\u2019re challenging young couples to do is\u2014\u201cBuild your spiritual intimacy. Build your compatibility.\u201d You do that through prayer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow here\u2019s a fascinating thing! You know, studies are now showing that when couples pray together daily, the divorce rate goes way, way, way down. So, some of us wouldn\u2019t have to deal with marriage counseling if only people would start praying together regularly. Now, I\u2019m not saying that that is the magic wand that takes away all of your problems, but you said it right\u2014people pray on a daily basis\u2014if they would do that, it\u2019s going to change the way that they have their relationship go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For those of you who don\u2019t know Jim Burns, Jim is an author and a speaker. He gives leadership to a marriage and family program at Azusa Pacific University and has been a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>before. He\u2019s also a cheerleader for the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just jump in here and let listeners know about the special offer that we\u2019ve got going on this week and next week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re about to begin the spring season of getaways\u2014start in early February. We\u2019ve got about 60 events happening this spring. This is a fun, two-and-a-half day getaway for couples. It\u2019s happening all across the country. If you register for an upcoming getaway now, you can save 50% off the regular registration fee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s good this week and next week, so I\u2019m encouraging listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get the information. Find out when a getaway is going to be happening in a city near where you live or a city you\u2019d like to visit. Get it put on the schedule now so that you guys can plan to get away for a weekend. Then, when you register this week or next week, you\u2019ll save 50% off the regular registration fee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more at FamilyLifeToday.com, and plan to join us at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways. I know, Jim, you\u2019ve been to the getaway. You and Doug Fields have written a book called, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve done a lot of weddings for couples who are getting married, and this book is kind of a compendium of the advice that you give to those couples as you give them the charge for their first few years of marriage. I think it\u2019s interesting where you start with couples, by saying, \u201cYou\u2019re going to need to laugh a lot.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why there? Why start there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, we started with that because too many couples get so distracted at the beginning of their marriages\u2014they quit having fun together. What brought them together? They had fun! They went on dates. They enjoyed each other\u2019s company. They laughed together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of the sudden, they have lost the fun factor. You look up a couple of years later and you\u2019re sort of lost\u2014you\u2019re distracted. It was that great theologian, Vince Lombardi of the Green Bay Packers [Laughter], who said, \u201cWhen you\u2019ve strayed away from the basics, you\u2019ve gone a long ways toward defeat.\u201d The basics are prayer, and the basics would also be having fun together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Kathy and I realized was we had lost some of the fun factor\u2014not because we didn\u2019t want to have fun! So Kathy and I made a decision\u2014and we actually believe that this was as spiritual of a decision as you can make\u2014to start enjoying each other with time together more; to go out on more dates and enjoy each other\u2019s company. As we did that, we kind of re-found our focus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know, I understand how hard it is for a young couple. They have babysitting\u2014they have, maybe a mortgage payment or a rent payment\u2014they have all these things. If they have kids, it\u2019s so hard for them to find all the right ways. What we\u2019re saying is, \u201cLook. Invest 1% of your week\u2014that\u2019s one hour and 40 minutes. Spend 1% of your week having fun on a date.\u201d You can find that time! If your kids are too young, then put them to bed and eat Chinese food on the couch or someplace. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhatever it is\u2014but just enjoy each other\u2019s company. We\u2019ve just found that, for us personally, fun has kept a spark going in a way that other things don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jim, you don\u2019t know this, but Barbara and I had\u2014I guess in the first 12 years of our marriage, we had\u2014six kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I do know that. You\u2019re an animal! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One right after another. You know, children\u2014I\u2019ll never forget a listener who wrote in: \u201cOur romance gave us our children, and then our children took our romance.\u201d [Laughter] And so we started a date night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we tried to hit all four Sunday nights each month. We didn\u2019t always hit four. Sometimes, we hit three and sometimes, because of sickness, or travel, or whatever, we\u2019d only get two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But the point is, we were regular in our date nights. Now here\u2019s the kicker! Even a date night that is designed to be fun, romantic, and a reconnection of two partners in life\u2014it can get in a rut. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It can turn into a business meeting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s what it did, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It turned into a business meeting around which child needed the most help <em>now.<\/em> You know, the puck moved to different spots on the ice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And those are important conversations for parents to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are! They are, but you just have to protect that hour and 40 minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s a really good idea, to just say, \u201cWhat do we need to do to enliven, and spark up, and go do something totally out of the box?\u201d So, for a while, we went through a process where\u2014\u201chis turn, her turn.\u201d Pick something fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So we\u2019re going fishing this week. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> . . . and then we\u2019re going to garden the next week.\u201d That kind of thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, yes, but it wouldn\u2019t be chores. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wouldn\u2019t be chores. It would be, \u201cWhere are we going to go eat? Well, maybe we\u2019ll drive aways out into the country, to a spot that is a cute little spot that\u2019s just out of the way. You\u2019ve got to go there on purpose.\u201d Those kind of things go a long way in keeping that spark alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It does! You know what\u2019s crazy is that\u2019s really simple, but where we miss it sometimes is in the simple. By going to that faraway place, you got to talk in the car\u2014the kids weren\u2019t there. You have to make sure that you\u2019re taking care of the kids, especially when you\u2019re talking about kids. You\u2019ve got to make sure\u2014like, for Kathy\u2014she would do the date as long as we had the babysitting, I told her how the money was working, and all this kind of stuff. She needed that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs long as that was the case\u2014and we still do \u201cyour date, my date.\u201d But when the kids were around, and it was babysitting time, it was my job to go find the right babysitter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It was not Kathy\u2019s time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about something really important. If a husband will help his wife get the sitter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, find her, book her, go get her\u2014then take her back after the evening\u2019s over\u2014he\u2019ll win points with his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, you do. You have to be careful with that in today\u2019s world\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014because of the male\/female side, oftentimes, as you would know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But you\u2019re 100% right. If the male initiates some of the logistics of the date, that\u2019s huge. You haven\u2019t even been on the date yet, and you\u2019ve already got points.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned the great theologian Vince Lombardi. I\u2019m going to bring up a different great theologian, and that\u2019s Brian Wilson, who said when we were growing up, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s going to make it that much better when we can say \u2018Good night\u2019 and stay together. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn\u2019t have to wait so long.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe idea was\u2014marriage is just going to be so much better than dating because we can be together all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, here\u2019s what we found\u2014when you\u2019re not together all of the time, you make the most of the time you\u2019re together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you\u2019re together all of the time, you start to take for granted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the fact that you\u2019re together all of the time. Then\u2014this is where you\u2019ve got to step back in and say, \u201cWe need some time where we are purposeful and intentional about valuing one another.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, what you do so well at all of the conferences that you\u2019re speaking at on marriage, is talking about intentionality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> There\u2019s a lot about marriage that\u2019s just intentional. Whether it be Brian Wilson\u2014Are you talking about Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, yes! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I am so impressed!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Singing] \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if we were older, then. . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I would sing with you, but I can\u2019t carry a tune. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it is intentional\u2014it\u2019s about intentionality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Why is that so bad? What\u2019s <em>wrong <\/em>with intentionality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s another thing you need to be intentional about, especially for this generation of young marrieds\u2014slow down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Stop the breakneck pace, and give yourselves a chance to breathe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Oh, exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, just when you said that, I felt more comfortable. Do you know what the truth is? It\u2019s that one of the biggest problems in America\u2014both in marriage and in parenting\u2014and I know you guys agree with me on this\u2014is this breathless pace in which we\u2019re living our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019m not saying everybody has to move to Wyoming and live in a commune. I\u2019m saying we have to figure out here and now, \u201cHow do we do this?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2014again\u2014takes some discipline. When I graduated from grad school, a friend of mine wrote me a note, because I didn\u2019t stay for graduation. I was going back to do ministry. He said, \u201cDear Jim, We missed you at graduation. If the devil can\u2019t make you bad, he\u2019ll make you busy.\u201d You know, that was prophetic for me. Now I\u2019m not the one who\u2019s going to be in the arms of another woman, or who\u2019s going to embezzle money\u2014I\u2019m going to be busy doing \u201cimportant\u201d things, and I\u2019m going to miss the most important things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So that\u2019s been an issue for me. But I find these couples, in their first few years, are <em>so <\/em>busy. I think, maybe, they need to take a step back. And I think we, as leaders, need to sometimes say, \u201cHey, we invite you to take a step back. Don\u2019t be so busy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy friend, Doug Fields, who co-wrote the book with me, I hear him say often when we do our marriage conference\u2014he says, \u201cBusy people are broken people a lot of times.\u201d That hurts\u2014because I always thought if you were busy, you were successful. But truly, sometimes our busyness keeps us from having intimacy. What does intimacy mean? Connecting with our spouse. Because we\u2019re so busy, we don\u2019t get to ever have those connection times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. You stop and think about God\u2019s design for us, and He modeled, at creation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that there would be a day where we rest. We don\u2019t have a whole lot of rest built into our days or our weeks. I think that has us never being fully present where we are because we\u2019re always thinking about the important thing that is coming next. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When that happens, it\u2019s back to the premise of your book, there\u2019s going to be a drift toward isolation in your marriage if you don\u2019t have that time to just slow down and be with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You\u2019re right. You know, that Scripture that you were referring to is fascinating to me, because it says, \u201cHe rested\u201d\u2014talking about God\u2014\u201cHe rested and was refreshed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, many times, we\u2019re never refreshed in our relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> And the Hebrew could actually be \u201crefreshed,\u201d or it actually could be translated, \u201cHe exhaled. He took a deep breath.\u201d You know, Dennis, when you were slowing it down, you exhaled. Sometimes, in a marriage, you\u2019ve got to exhale. We just keep going at this pace, thinking that it\u2019s going to\u2014What are you going to do? It\u2019s the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again. Sometimes we have to just stop and slow down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So if you had a young couple who had gotten married, and they were in the first year\u2014both of them busy in career growth and development\u2014there\u2019s travel involved. Life just seems pretty frantic. They live around you, so the commute wherever they\u2019re going is 45 minutes to an hour both ways. They say, \u201cOkay, yes. We get it, but how do you do that\u2014practically\u2014given the realities of life in our world?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t think there are easy answers, Bob, but I do think that one of the things we have to do is challenge them to have certain situations that they just <em>must <\/em>do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPrayer\u2014we talked about prayer at the beginning of this broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Pray daily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were talking about 1% of your week. Could you do 1% of your day? That\u2019s 14 minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Where you just slow down and connect. I think part of that is the discipline. You have a busy life and you have a busy job\u2014I understand that. At the same time, if you\u2019re not having a date night, and you don\u2019t have regular time together spiritually\u2014if you\u2019re not in some kind of a small group\u2014there are certain things you build <em>around<\/em>, that are key to a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> When you build those elements into it, then the other things\u2014it\u2019s going to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the things that keep you busy are the things that are your priorities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019re right! Years ago, I was speaking at the PromiseKeepers Pastors\u2019 Conference. A man named Jack Hayford\u2014whom I adore\u2014was the pastor of the ceremony. I was sitting in the back with him, before I was going to go on. The band was playing, and I said, \u201cJack, what\u2019s the secret to your leadership success?\u201d You know, I love to ask old guys\u2014I guess now, like me! He said, \u201cYou know, Jim, it\u2019s not what I\u2019ve chosen to do. It\u2019s what I\u2019ve chosen <em>not <\/em>to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u201cBecause I\u2019ve had to say \u2018no\u2019 to some pretty important things to say \u2018yes\u2019 to the most important.\u201d I pushed him. \u201cWhat are those?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWell, it\u2019s my wife,\u201d and then he named his kids\u2014he named his grandkids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat he was saying was, \u201cI\u2019ve had to say \u2018no\u2019 to some pretty good opportunities here, that maybe would have even furthered my mission to make sure that the main part of the mission\u2014the family\u2014is going well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there is an overly-responsible DNA today\u2014being birthed in young families\u2014who are comparing what they have with what they have\u2014the activities; the level of different sports their kids are in. I go back to a story I haven\u2019t told in a long time here on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>It\u2019s an exhibit in the Smithsonian Institutes in Washington, D.C. It\u2019s the Double Eagle II, and it\u2019s the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean in a helium-filled balloon. What happened was this guy had it all plotted, until he got in a storm in the North Atlantic, and his balloon began to be covered with ice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere was a ten-story tall helium balloon that was being covered with ice, and it was forcing it down into the North Sea. So he started throwing things overboard. You know, he first of all threw over books, and then he threw over his video camera where he was going to video his landing at the Lindbergh Field when he finally arrived there. Then he radioed, \u201cMayday!\u201d and, as he was breaking out of the clouds, he threw his radio out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went ahead and made it all the way across. His balloon soared; the sun came out and melted the ice; he made it to his destination. I think a lot of couples who are listening to us right now\u2014their balloon is going down\u2014and you keep adding! Sometimes, it has to take a time of admitting where you said, \u201cYes,\u201d too many times, and you pull out the scalpel and you start cutting away and pitching things overboard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, Barbara and I love to stay busy! I think we need to find a way to be able to catch our breath, exhale, and enjoy the journey with the person that we\u2019re sharing it with, and to enjoy our family. If you\u2019re not enjoying your family and the person that you\u2019ve made a commitment\u2014a lifetime commitment\u2014to in marriage, maybe it\u2019s time to throw some things overboard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I go back to something you said 20 minutes ago? You talked about 20 minutes per week of spiritual intimacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I knew you\u2019d come back to that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about what that 20 minutes looks like, because a lot of guys will hear that and will say, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t know what to do to promote spiritual intimacy for 20 minutes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you prepare a Bible study? What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll tell you the story. When we had this conversation, coming out of the driveway, and what we are talking about was my wife said, \u201cI want that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I said, \u201cWell, great! I don\u2019t want to do another Bible study. We both do Bible studies. We\u2019ve got our groups.\u201d I mean, what am I going to say? \u201cListen, I <em>won\u2019t <\/em>give you 20 minutes of spiritual time,\u201d you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A week!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, it was Sunday evening. She showed up at nine o\u2019clock, and I\u2019d kind of forgotten. That\u2019s how spiritual I am. She came with a devotional, and we read this devotional, and then we prayed together. You know, that was it. I thought, \u201cWell, you know, that wasn\u2019t so bad.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKathy really liked that time, so the next week, same kind of thing. Now, notice, I even said, \u201cKathy brought. . .\u201d So, over the years\u2014we have a book called <em>Closer, <\/em>where we have 52 sessions on this. But what we realized was that if we have Scripture and then story\u2014something inspirational\u2014and then we pray for our family, it doesn\u2019t look sexy\u2014but it builds that time together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So, \u201cDoes it have to be 20 minutes. Can it be 17?\u201d Of course so, but in our book, <em>Closer, <\/em>which is that book on devotions, I quote Gary and Barb Rosburg\u2014who I know you guys know so well. He oftentimes spoke at PromiseKeepers when I did, and they have a book called <em>The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women. <\/em>Do you know what the fourth sex need of a woman is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpiritual intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So, as guys, sometimes\u2014like when you said\u2014\u201cWhat are these guys going to do for 20 minutes?\u201d We honestly don\u2019t know. It\u2019s not even on our list!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So Kathy had to help me understand\u2014and this is where I think we get in tune to our spouse\u2014she had to kind of help me understand\u2014what her need was. Her need was <em>not <\/em>to go into the Greek and the Hebrew\u2014she didn\u2019t want that. I mean, she likes that from our pastor\u2014but she doesn\u2019t want that in our marriage time. For her, it was us finding that time to read God\u2019s Word, or maybe read something inspiring\u2014maybe talk about that, share, and then pray. It\u2019s that simple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, as men, get worried about intimacy. Intimacy\u2014I mean, when we think of the word \u201cintimacy,\u201d we think of physical intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But intimacy means connection. So what Kathy\u2019s looking for is a spiritual connection\u2014a spiritual compatibility. But I find, now, that that becomes a very special time for me. But not always! I\u2019m not saying that every moment is a high. You know, we\u2019re not walking around our house six inches off the ground. The real story is, though, we know we\u2019re going to pray for our family, we know we\u2019re going to connect on a spiritual basis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014and we\u2019re going to read God\u2019s Word together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we pray together daily, but we don\u2019t read God\u2019s Word always\u2014every day\u2014together. We read God\u2019s Word separately, but that\u2019s a beautiful thing that we do. And yet, to explain it\u2014it kind of sounds not that special. It\u2019s like talking about baseball. I mean, I love baseball! But I explain baseball to people who don\u2019t know about baseball, and they say, \u201cWell, that\u2019s kind of boring.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you hit on something really important, because I think guys will look at this and maybe even do something once or twice, and say, \u201cYou know, that seemed kind of normal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the regular discipline of that over time builds something mysterious into the fabric of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You may not even realize how imperceptible is\u2014but it\u2019s powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No\u2014it\u2019s that foundation that you were talking about earlier. You called it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Perma Jack!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Perma Jack. I thought it was a cheese you were talking about! [Laughter] I had no idea what you were talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Perma Jack.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I thought it was a friend of his! I didn\u2019t know who Perma Jack was! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> A long-lost relative!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s building that foundation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you build 20 minutes of spiritual intimacy over year after year after year\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014and it builds up into something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it really is just a long journey, where you\u2019ve enjoyed God with each other, and you\u2019ve shared with each other what God is doing in your life. If you can\u2019t answer that question, then maybe you need to pull back and ask God the question, \u201cWhat do You want to do in my life?\u201d Then share it with your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you didn\u2019t start something like this in the first few years of your marriage, you <em>can <\/em>start it in the current year. Whatever your current year is, it\u2019s a new practice. In fact, we\u2019ve got copies of the book you talked about, <em>Closer,<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center, so if listeners want to get a copy of that, they can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, for those who are in the first few years of marriage, that\u2019s the book that you and Doug Fields have just written that helps young couples with these kinds of practices and disciplines that can build a strong, healthy, \u201cPerma Jacked\u201d foundation under their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do we have those in the Resource Center?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Perma Jack? [Laughter] We\u2019ll put a link on our website to the Permajack people! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You will also find information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. I mentioned this earlier, but this week and next week, if you register for an upcoming getaway, you\u2019ll save 50% off the regular registration fee\u2014so you and your spouse can come out for a great, two-and-a-half day getaway. Just relax, be together, learn about marriage, and spend time talking to one another. It\u2019s really a great investment in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you register this week or next week, you save 50% off the regular registration fee. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to register, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to register over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re just looking to find out when the getaway is going to be in a city near where you live or in a city you\u2019d like to visit this spring, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and we\u2019ll answer any questions you have or, again, get you registered over the phone. Hope to see you at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about conflict resolution. We\u2019re going to talk about the importance of having a Biblical understanding of marital intimacy as you begin your marriage together. Jim Burns will be back with us again tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300019","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300019"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300019"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300019"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300019"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}