{"id":300017,"date":"2019-01-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-14T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-critical-years-of-marriage\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:13","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:13","slug":"the-critical-years-of-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-critical-years-of-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"The Critical Years of Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jim Burns explains why the early years of marriage are critical. Burns looks back on his own early years of marriage and the difficulties that arose from having a high-maintenance marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:35","filesize":"23.43M","filesize_raw":"24564508","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2808,2862],"tags":[4040,4033,4035,4038,4036,4034,4039,4037],"podcast_series":[7161],"cwp_profile":[8798],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300017","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-newlyweds","category-understanding-differences","tag-affirming-your-spouse","tag-divorce","tag-first-year-of-marriage","tag-high-maintenance-marriage","tag-marriage-maintenance","tag-newlyweds","tag-removing-the-d-word","tag-the-first-few-years-of-marriage","podcast_series-the-first-few-years-of-marriage","cwp_profile-jim-burns","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300017\/the-critical-years-of-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300017\/the-critical-years-of-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KzCEfa8Oj0\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-critical-years-of-marriage\/\">The Critical Years of Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-critical-years-of-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=KzCEfa8Oj0\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Critical Years of Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KzCEfa8Oj0\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, January 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. One of the things every couple has to learn early in marriage is that even great marriages require some significant preventative maintenance. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Jim Burns. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Have you ever stopped to think that when you run into people who are saying things that you passionately agree with, you just find yourself thinking how smart those people are\u2014because they are saying things you passionately agree with. You\u2019re really saying, \u201cI\u2019m smart, and they must be smart too.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s kind of like somebody is reading your book to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re going\u2014\u201cYes. Yes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI agree with that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You said it! \u201cI agree with that.\u201d Well, we\u2019ve got someone who is passionate about what we are\u2014Jim Burns\u2014who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Jim. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be here\u2014and I\u2019m passionate just to be with you two. I\u2019ve learned so much from you, and I appreciate all that you do so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You have made a great impact in a lot of people\u2019s lives over the years. How long has HomeWord been around? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> 32 years\u2014I had hair 32 years ago, too, Dennis. I just want you to know that. You don\u2019t see it now. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t. I\u2019m sorry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is the Founder and the President of HomeWord, and also\u2014I want you to tell us about this. You are the Executive Director of HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. What are you doing there? I want to hear about that program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It\u2019s a pretty great partnership. HomeWord exists to help families succeed. We have four values: strong marriages, confident parents, empowered kids, and healthy leaders. What they are doing at Azusa Pacific is creating an institute and a group that is doing the same thing. Students can go to Azusa\u2014get trained\u2014they can also get trained even if they are not at Azusa. They can come to some of the programs that they have, and HomeWord has the privilege to be a part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, does Professor Burns teach classes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I don\u2019t let them say, \u201cProfessor Burns.\u201d I mean one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Doctor\u2014Doctor Burns? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019m \u201cDoctor\u201d\u2014but I don\u2019t let them say doctor either\u2014I\u2019m Jim. You know why? My first day when I teach, I take them to the In-N-Out Burger headquarters. Now, I know you don\u2019t have that here in Little Rock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, but we\u2019ve been to some of their franchises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> When\u2014really\u2014my youth ministry background kicks in\u2014I take them over to In-N-Out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI own the students then. I don\u2019t have to be heady. I don\u2019t have to be academic. They\u2019ve got free hamburgers. So, that\u2019s what I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What else matters; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you order off the secret menu? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I do order off the secret menu. One of my best friends from college\u2014I went to Azusa Pacific myself\u2014alumni\u2014he was working there then, and he has taught me many, many secrets about In-N-Out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you divulge one? I mean if we\u2019re going to go and we want the best In-N-Out order today, what should we order? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> My favorite is the Animal, and I\u2019m not even going to tell you what it is. You have to order it, Bob, and then you\u2019re going to find out. It\u2019ll turn you into an animal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not on the menu; is it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No, no, no\u2014they have lots of things that aren\u2019t on the menu. You\u2019ve got to be in the know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Another thing you are in the know\u2014tell our listeners what is on the inside of the Solo cup at the bottom. Isn\u2019t there something inside that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Absolutely. Since we\u2019re talking about In-N-Out, it\u2019s John 3:16. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, let\u2019s move from In-N-Out which we could talk about for the rest of today\u2019s program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Makes me hungry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about what you and Doug Fields have written on in your book, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>\u2014and just before we do\u2014I need to remind our regular listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got something special happening this week and next week for those of you who would be interested in attending one of our Weekend to Remember<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. You know about the getaway\u2014we do these in cities all across the country. In fact, we\u2019re going to be in about 60 cities this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a two and a half day getaway for couples where you come and you have a relaxing, romantic weekend away together. You learn about what the Bible has to say about building a strong marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week and next week\u2014if you sign up for one of our spring getaways\u00ad\u2014you\u2019ll save 50-percent off the regular registration fee\u2014so, this is a great time for you to sign up. You can get all the details about what cities we are going to be in when. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and click on the information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you register this week or next week, you save 50-percent off the regular registration fee. We hope a lot of our listeners will come join us at one of these getaways this spring. I need to get that out of the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about your book, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>. You guys feel like this season\u2014these first few years of marriage are really important\u2014really critical; don\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I think they are very critical, and I think we were desperate because our kids were all getting married. Doug and I said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We need a book\u2014if no one else would ever read this book\u2014we need a book for our kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, Cathy and I, who have been married 44 years, have what we call a high-maintenance marriage. That means I think in those first few years, if we would have had something like this that could have helped us be directed in marriage, we would have done a lot better. We were so busy, and\u2014you get busy. You get busy with your work and your calling and making babies and all the other things\u2014and you sort of drift. That\u2019s what happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we wrote this book to try to help young couples or newlyweds make good and right decisions about their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I love what you say in your book: \u201cAre you ready for a 50 year voyage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That is a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No\u2014it is a great question because a lot of people are not. You know if you think about just getting married,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they put all of their energy and time into the wedding. Then, they don\u2019t put the time and energy into preparing for marriage. Then, again, once they get married, we get so busy. It\u2019s not a <em>bad<\/em> thing. We just are so busy. We get distracted. Next thing we look up and we say, \u201cWow. We\u2019re not even together anymore.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you said you and Cathy have a high-maintenance marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, we often say that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How is your marriage different than my marriage, or do we all have high-maintenance marriages? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I think to an extent, we probably do. However, Cathy and I were both raised in non-Christian homes. I come from a family where there is alcoholism on my side. Cathy comes from a family that\u2019s just a little crazy. When we got married, we were first-generation Christians and pretty new at being Christians. So we thought\u2014because we were Christians\u2014we wouldn\u2019t have the same bumps and things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout\u2014well\u2014I\u2019d say a year into it, we had to make a declaration because we kept saying the \u201cD\u201d word\u2014you know\u2014divorce. The \u201cD\u201d word was really rampant in our life, and we were called to ministry, so we had to make a decision to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, wait\u2014I want to ask you about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did you throw it around? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I would do it and so would Cathy\u2014\u201cMaybe, we shouldn\u2019t be together anymore.\u201d Our families\u2014both sides of the families had divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anytime there was some conflict\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Instead of working through the conflict, what we did was we would run and say, \u201cWell, maybe, this isn\u2019t going to work. Maybe, there is somebody better. Maybe, the grass is greener. I know I loved you, but this is getting really too hard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve talked to couples about this, and what I\u2019ve said over the years is\u2014\u201cThis is the trump card that every couple\u2014every person is carrying. So, when you are in an argument and your spouse throws down a Jack and says, \u2018You did this,\u2019 then, you pull a Queen out of your hand and you say, \u2018Look, you did this. This is worse than what I did.\u2019 Then, they throw down the King and say, \u2018Well, what about this?\u2019\u201d There is really nothing that trumps, \u201cMaybe, we shouldn\u2019t be married anymore.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the other thing I\u2019ve said is\u2014Once you\u2019ve played that card\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you have sowed a seed in the back of your spouse\u2019s heart and mind that says, \u201cYou remember that promise I made? You can\u2019t count on that.\u201d It doesn\u2019t matter if you never bring it up again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014unless you address it specifically like you guys did\u2014that seed is there in the back of the mind; and they are singing with Carole King, \u2018Will you still love me tomorrow\u2019; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You\u2019re right. I actually like that song\u2014but I do agree with you. We put a stake in the ground. What we said was\u2014you know the Scripture says, \u201cYou inherit the sins of a previous generation of third and fourth generation.\u201d It\u2019s all throughout the Old Testament. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor Cathy and myself, we weren\u2019t necessarily doing the same sins as our parents, but we had the sin bent. That meant\u2014also\u2014we didn\u2019t know how to do communication. So, we made a decision that first year that we would remove the \u201cD\u201d word. Even if we were going to be miserable, we were going to remove the \u201cD\u201d word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen that Scripture says about the sins of a previous generations, we decided that we would be what we called the transitional generation\u2014we made up those words\u2014meaning we would try to either recover or repeat the sins of the generations because that\u2019s what you do. We decided, \u201cWe\u2019re going to recover. Even if we\u2019re miserable, we\u2019re going to make this thing work.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say that that\u2014besides making the decision to bring Christ into our lives\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that was the most important decision we could ever make for our marriage\u2014and actually\u2014our own legacy, with our own children now and our grandchildren\u2014was to recover and break that chain. That\u2019s what we\u2019ve been doing. In those first few years, we had some really bad habits. We wish somebody would have helped us in those first few years guide us in a direction that would have made it\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s the word simpler\u2014but made it more successful in terms of the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When I speak at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage conferences that we do around the country, I will say to the engaged couples who are there, \u201cYou have made the very finest investment you could possibly make by taking a three-day weekend and studying what God\u2019s Word says about marriage and family by some folks who have been working on this for over four decades.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, let me tell you something else,\u201d I say, \u201cif you\u2019ll come back with them in the next 12 months after you get married, you will have built some\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cspiritual disciplines into your lives one of them being the tongue\u201d\u2014what you\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you start out on the right trajectory, it\u2019ll take you all the way to the moon; but if you have the wrong trajectory\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you could end up in outer space. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You talk about this in <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>. You talk about\u2014when you\u2019re adrift\u2014it\u2019s that one degree difference. Explain to listeners what that\u2019s all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> If you just drift one degree off\u2014you know I live in California\u2014so, if I\u2019m going toward Hawaii\u2014I\u2019m on a boat\u2014and I drift one degree off, it eventually takes me to Australia. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> A good marriage is constant course corrections. You know you\u2019re drifting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014and you\u2019re making course corrections. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was speaking in Houston a couple of years ago now; and the guy who had me out said, \u201cHey, do you want to meet an astronaut?\u201d I went\u2014\u201cYes, I\u2019ve never met an astronaut.\u201d His church is literally next door to NASA. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I shook hands with this guy. We talked, and I said, \u201cHow many times have you been up?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said he\u2019d been up in space twice\u2014pretty incredible. I said, \u201cWhat does it feel like\u201d\u2014and I pointed to NASA next door\u2014I said, \u201cWhat does it feel like to have them in charge of your life when you\u2019re up there in space?\u201d He said, \u201cOh, they\u2019re only in charge three-percent of the time. All of the rest of time, we are making course corrections.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, that was a message for marriage\u2014that we don\u2019t always have it perfect. We need to be making course corrections. To do that, we need content. We need to build mentors around our lives. A lot of younger marriages don\u2019t take the time to do that. They don\u2019t invest in that\u2014but if you do it, you\u2019re going to make these constant course corrections\u2014and you\u2019re going to head out in a good place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the reasons you have to keep making course corrections is because you wake up every morning, and you\u2019re married to somebody different. [Laughter] I mean I remember thinking when Mary Ann and I got married, I thought, \u201cWhat happens\u2014I\u2019m about to make a vow that this is for the rest of my life. What happens if she changes?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was like God said, \u201cGuess what. She will and so will you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you\u2019ve got to figure out how you make those course corrections because you\u2019re changing\u2014you\u2019re growing\u2014you\u2019re not the same person today that you were when you got married\u2014neither is Mary Ann\u2014neither is your spouse. So, the course corrections are required because you are different people every month\u2014every six months\u2014every year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And let\u2019s not leave out the culture either. It\u2019s like the currents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the winds\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Pulling you in different directions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the storms. I mean there are other things that cause a course correction in a marriage relationship\u2014and you can\u2019t control them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a matter of it being happily after ever without any kind of hiccup along the way. It\u2019s going to be a voyage that knows all kinds of storms\u2014all kinds of challenges\u2014the equipment breaking down at points. I mean you\u2019ve experienced it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure; absolutely. When I\u2019m thinking back to\u2014well, the most famous sermon every spoken or written\u2014the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus concluded that by saying, \u201cWhen you build your house, build it on a rock, not on sand.\u201d He doesn\u2019t promise that you aren\u2019t going to have those storms\u2014because you are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of it is what you guys are saying\u2014\u201cHow do we help people in marriages learn to embrace each other\u2019s difference and embrace the fact that change is going to happen?\u201d There is going to be illness. There is going to be adult child who is going to walk away from faith. There is going to be financial problems. There are going to be all kinds of issues. How\u2014through those storms\u2014do you do it? I think you do it by building on the Rock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs much as we want to sound romantic and spontaneous\u2014that is definitely a part of marriage\u2014there is also a discipline to this. When Paul said to Timothy, \u201cDiscipline yourself for the purpose of godliness,\u201d he was talking about godliness\u2014but he was talking about an athletic term of building discipline. So, what I\u2019m learning, more and more, is that to really get a marriage started on a great ground, you\u2019ve got to have some good disciplines\u2014build those disciplines into your life early. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jim, would you be willing to take us into the darkest storm you and your bride have ever faced in 44 years of marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take us there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure. When Cathy and I were first married, we wanted nothing more than to have children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoth of\u2014Cathy\u2019s background is early childhood. She has a degree in it. She works with kids who have autism, and she is amazing with kids. My background was youth ministry\u2014love kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were unable to have kids. So, we went through a deep time of infertility; and the infertility\u2014it never entered my mind. I didn\u2019t know anybody who was infertile. I now realize 1 out of 5 couples are\u2014but that, we didn\u2019t know. So, that put us in a unique stage in our marriage. The story continued that we adopted our daughter Christy, which is the great joy of our life. Then, we have two other daughters who came through natural birth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, she had a hysterectomy, and she went into a deep depression. So, now, I\u2019m not married to the person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014you were talking about this\u2014I\u2019m not married to that same person because she has got post-partum, and it is a tough deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took some time because\u2014I have to be honest\u2014I looked at this situation\u2014we had three babies\u2014two of them in diapers. I went, \u201cWhoa! I don\u2019t know that I signed up for this\u201d\u2014because I realized during that time I was giving about 75-percent\u2014and she was giving about 25-percent. Now, there are other dark times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014where she\u2019s given 80-percent, and I\u2019ve given 20-percent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we had to come together\u2014was we realized during that tough time\u2014because it affected our marriage. Now, none of that was really about our own relationship\u2014it was about outside sources\u2014but were we going to accept these outside sources, and were we going to become all that God wanted us to be? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be honest, those were strong years. We look back at it now. We still want to feel the intense pain because we want to care for others who are going through that. At the same time, we look back at it and say, \u201cWow, we made some good decisions through that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, what about the \u201cD\u201d word? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Have you used it since that first year? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No. No. Even as you all know, the studies now show that if somebody, even in a troubled marriage would persevere for five years, there\u2019s a 78\u2014I\u2019ve seen 82\u2014percent chance that they\u2019ll say that their marriage is better off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Cathy and I dumped that word\u2014I mean, literally\u2014we dumped it. Now, has it ever entered my mind? Would it be easier? Of course, it has\u2014that\u2019s human nature\u2014but you know that word doesn\u2019t help anybody. It doesn\u2019t give any confidence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt didn\u2019t give Cathy any confidence in our relationship. So, we dumped that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what that illustration has brought to mind for me so many times. I\u2019ve had cars that have lived into their post-100,000 mile lifetime\u2014and when you\u2019ve got a car that\u2019s got 160,000 miles on it and the transmission goes out, you\u2019re looking at the car and you\u2019re going\u2014\u201cIs this the time when you just trade it in, get whatever you can for it, and buy the new car?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, if somebody told you when you bought the car, this is the only one you will ever have. Well, when the transmission goes bad, you\u2019ve got one option. You fix the transmission because this is your only car for the rest of your life. I think for a lot of couples, if they walk into marriage going\u2014\u201cThis is the only marriage I\u2019m ever going to have\u201d\u2014so, if the transmission goes out\u2014and that\u2019s a big deal\u2014you\u2019re going to have to fix the transmission, or you\u2019re walking a lot of places. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you what, Bob. That\u2019s a perfect illustration of what we\u2019re talking about here. I mean it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I don\u2019t know that young couples hear that message. Who said it was going to be easy? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jim:<\/strong> I mean why are we promising that it\u2019s going to be perfect and easy and walk on roses? No, there are going to be some transmissions break\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014along the way. Yes, we know that when people have looked at after 50 years, they oftentimes don\u2019t say, \u201cOh, it was the spontaneous, physical intimacy, and it was this and that.\u201d I mean sure that\u2019s a part of it, but what they are saying is, \u201cNo, we hung together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCathy and I had a fun experience. I was speaking in Hollywood, and we decided that we would walk to the Hollywood sign. Now, of course, I thought it was a two-mile hike. We found out it was an eight-mile hike\u2014but that\u2019s another problem with our marriage. She likes those kinds of hikes, but not me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe saw this couple, and they both had walkers. They were walking to the merry-go-round where you start at Griffith Park. I said to Cathy, \u201cI want to be like those people.\u201d She looked at me, and she goes\u2014\u201cThat sounds kind of creepy because I don\u2019t want walkers yet.\u201d I said, \u201cI understand.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be like those people because what had they persevered through? What were their issues? They made it, but what are the issues that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014helped them become the people who were married\u2014we asked them\u201466 years. Did they have a perfect marriage? No, but they persevered. I think a lot of it is perseverance and determination and going\u2014really, honestly\u2014back to the discipline. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m so glad that in the first year in our marriage, I didn\u2019t bail\u2014as other family members had\u2014and I\u2019m so glad that Cathy didn\u2019t bail because today we have something that is unique and beautiful and wonderful. Is it perfect? No. We still want to say we have a high-maintenance\u2014because we still have to work at it. A high-maintenance car\u2014you can have\u2014I have a neighbor who has a great Corvette. It\u2019s a 1968 Corvette. Oh, it\u2019s beautiful. That guy is working on it all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All the time; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know what? I\u2019ve got a beautiful marriage, but I\u2019ve got to be working on it all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mary Ann and I have had the experience now of walking out of a restaurant\u2014we\u2019ll be holding hands\u2014and I\u2019ll turn to her and say, \u201cDo you think there are people looking at us saying, \u2018Look at that cute, old couple holding hands?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You\u2019ve become them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like we used to say about those cute, old couples; and I go\u2014\u201cI hope they are not saying that about us yet!\u201d Come on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> They are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, they are. I think it\u2019s kind of fun that they may be saying that. You do something\u2014in terms of discipline\u2014that I think is genius and that is\u2014\u201cKeep sowing positive seeds in your marriage relationship.\u201d You did something with a hundred scraps of paper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Why I\u2019m kind of proud of this is because I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> that guy. I don\u2019t think about this, but somehow I had this inspiration to write a thousand reasons of affirmation and love to Cathy. I put them, literally, on scraps of paper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A thousand!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A thousand! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A thousand! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I said a thousand. I mean a hundred. I just wrote\u2014sometimes\u2014one word. I\u2019d write a phrase. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Actually, anything from appreciating her beauty to a lot of things about her character. Cathy has amazing character. She is a very God-honoring woman. So, I would just write reasons why I was thankful. You know, \u201cI\u2019m thankful for the amazing mom that you are,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m thankful for the sacrifice that you\u2019ve made with our ministry so many times.\u201d You know Cathy never complained about that kind of stuff\u2014that got in there\u2014her beauty, grateful for this, grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I did was I gave them to her a little jar, and I probably should have gotten a nicer jar to be honest. It was just a crummy, old jelly jar\u2014whatever\u2014but I put it in there, and she started taking those out and reading them. Then, I watched her cry, and I watched her have some incredible emotion. She just kind of kept looking up at me like, \u201cAre you sure this is from you?\u201d\u2014or whatever. Then, interestingly enough, she still has those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Now, they are a little bit yellowed. I don\u2019t know that she always looks at them, but I do know there have been other times. She shows that jar to other people, and you know it makes me look pretty good; but I\u2019ve only done it once. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to challenge\u2014I\u2019m going to throw the gauntlet down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cDo a thousand.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, you know what? I honestly should. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Somehow, I must have misread your book because I thought what you did was you had these little pieces of paper and you spread them all over the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, they are in the jar. I wrote love notes early on to Mary Ann, and I hid them around the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some, she found the next day\u2014I made sure they were in conspicuous spots\u2014but some, she didn\u2019t find for months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would put some in her recipe files. So, she\u2019s looking for a recipe for chicken. All of the sudden, it\u2019s \u201cOh, there\u2019s that love note.\u201d I think some of the\u2014and some of those recipe files she hasn\u2019t been back to visit those recipes for a while so she may get one of those in another 10 or 20 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> What is interesting about what we\u2019re talking about\u2014and I know in my experience with Cathy with that\u2014you know Cathy appreciates a little bit, almost geeky, sometimes, for guys to say, \u201cThis is what we did\u201d; but I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014it means so much to our spouse. So, putting it in the recipe file, putting it in a jar, doing it however we do it\u2014they appreciate it. I watched Cathy get past it pretty quick of going, \u201cWhat is this,\u201d into \u201cWow, this is a love letter,\u201d without writing it longhand and love-letter language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the thing. All of us know someone who is getting married in the coming months, get a copy of <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>\u2014subtitled <em>8 Ways to Strengthen Your \u201cI Do\u201d<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of those eight is what we have been talking about here. It\u2019s Chapter 6: <em>Choose the Positive<\/em> and how you do that practically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of eight suggestions you\u2019ve got in here. \u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I would encourage you to get a copy of the book\u2014but the other thing I\u2019d encourage them to get is a certificate to attend the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. If you send a couple to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and they work their way through Jim Burns and Doug Fields\u2019 book, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>, you will have sent them in the right course in order to have a 50-year voyage in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is Perma Jack. This helps get that foundation strong and stable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Perma Jack? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Perma\u2014where they fix the foundation on a house\u2014you know Perma Jack; right? You\u2019ve never heard of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry, Bob. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They go in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I thought you had a side job or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking about the foundation of your marriage, and Jim\u2019s book and the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is kind of that Perma Jack that will get the foundation of your marriage settled for you. We\u2019ve got copies of Jim\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called <em>The First Few Years of Marriage: 8 Ways to Strengthen Your \u201cI Do\u201d<\/em>. Again, you can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or you can call to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also want to let you know about the special offer we\u2019re making this week and next week for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. If you register this week or next week for the getaway, you pay 50-percent less than you would pay otherwise. 50-percent off the regular registration fee as long as you sign up this week or next week, and then plan to join us for a getaway this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you need information about where the getaways are being hosted\u2014what weekend, what city\u2014you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have about the getaway. You can register online if you\u2019d like. Again, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call to register 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-FL-TODAY, the number to call. We hope you\u2019ll join us at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We also hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how important it is for couples to start off their marriage laughing together. Seriously, that\u2019s one of the critical pieces of counsel that Jim Burns has for newly married couples. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:35"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.43M"],"filesize_raw":["24564508"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300017.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300017.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776415230;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Jim Burns explains why the early years of marriage are critical. Burns looks back on his own early years of marriage and the difficulties that arose from having a high-maintenance marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, January 14<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. One of the things every couple has to learn early in marriage is that even great marriages require some significant preventative maintenance. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Jim Burns. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Have you ever stopped to think that when you run into people who are saying things that you passionately agree with, you just find yourself thinking how smart those people are\u2014because they are saying things you passionately agree with. You\u2019re really saying, \u201cI\u2019m smart, and they must be smart too.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s kind of like somebody is reading your book to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re going\u2014\u201cYes. Yes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI agree with that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You said it! \u201cI agree with that.\u201d Well, we\u2019ve got someone who is passionate about what we are\u2014Jim Burns\u2014who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Jim. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be here\u2014and I\u2019m passionate just to be with you two. I\u2019ve learned so much from you, and I appreciate all that you do so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You have made a great impact in a lot of people\u2019s lives over the years. How long has HomeWord been around? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> 32 years\u2014I had hair 32 years ago, too, Dennis. I just want you to know that. You don\u2019t see it now. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t. I\u2019m sorry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe is the Founder and the President of HomeWord, and also\u2014I want you to tell us about this. You are the Executive Director of HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. What are you doing there? I want to hear about that program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It\u2019s a pretty great partnership. HomeWord exists to help families succeed. We have four values: strong marriages, confident parents, empowered kids, and healthy leaders. What they are doing at Azusa Pacific is creating an institute and a group that is doing the same thing. Students can go to Azusa\u2014get trained\u2014they can also get trained even if they are not at Azusa. They can come to some of the programs that they have, and HomeWord has the privilege to be a part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, does Professor Burns teach classes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I don\u2019t let them say, \u201cProfessor Burns.\u201d I mean one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Doctor\u2014Doctor Burns? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019m \u201cDoctor\u201d\u2014but I don\u2019t let them say doctor either\u2014I\u2019m Jim. You know why? My first day when I teach, I take them to the In-N-Out Burger headquarters. Now, I know you don\u2019t have that here in Little Rock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, but we\u2019ve been to some of their franchises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> When\u2014really\u2014my youth ministry background kicks in\u2014I take them over to In-N-Out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI own the students then. I don\u2019t have to be heady. I don\u2019t have to be academic. They\u2019ve got free hamburgers. So, that\u2019s what I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What else matters; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you order off the secret menu? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I do order off the secret menu. One of my best friends from college\u2014I went to Azusa Pacific myself\u2014alumni\u2014he was working there then, and he has taught me many, many secrets about In-N-Out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you divulge one? I mean if we\u2019re going to go and we want the best In-N-Out order today, what should we order? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> My favorite is the Animal, and I\u2019m not even going to tell you what it is. You have to order it, Bob, and then you\u2019re going to find out. It\u2019ll turn you into an animal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not on the menu; is it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No, no, no\u2014they have lots of things that aren\u2019t on the menu. You\u2019ve got to be in the know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Another thing you are in the know\u2014tell our listeners what is on the inside of the Solo cup at the bottom. Isn\u2019t there something inside that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Absolutely. Since we\u2019re talking about In-N-Out, it\u2019s John 3:16. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, let\u2019s move from In-N-Out which we could talk about for the rest of today\u2019s program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Makes me hungry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about what you and Doug Fields have written on in your book, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>\u2014and just before we do\u2014I need to remind our regular listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got something special happening this week and next week for those of you who would be interested in attending one of our Weekend to Remember<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. You know about the getaway\u2014we do these in cities all across the country. In fact, we\u2019re going to be in about 60 cities this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a two and a half day getaway for couples where you come and you have a relaxing, romantic weekend away together. You learn about what the Bible has to say about building a strong marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week and next week\u2014if you sign up for one of our spring getaways\u00ad\u2014you\u2019ll save 50-percent off the regular registration fee\u2014so, this is a great time for you to sign up. You can get all the details about what cities we are going to be in when. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and click on the information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you register this week or next week, you save 50-percent off the regular registration fee. We hope a lot of our listeners will come join us at one of these getaways this spring. I need to get that out of the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about your book, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>. You guys feel like this season\u2014these first few years of marriage are really important\u2014really critical; don\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I think they are very critical, and I think we were desperate because our kids were all getting married. Doug and I said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We need a book\u2014if no one else would ever read this book\u2014we need a book for our kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, Cathy and I, who have been married 44 years, have what we call a high-maintenance marriage. That means I think in those first few years, if we would have had something like this that could have helped us be directed in marriage, we would have done a lot better. We were so busy, and\u2014you get busy. You get busy with your work and your calling and making babies and all the other things\u2014and you sort of drift. That\u2019s what happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we wrote this book to try to help young couples or newlyweds make good and right decisions about their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I love what you say in your book: \u201cAre you ready for a 50 year voyage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That is a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No\u2014it is a great question because a lot of people are not. You know if you think about just getting married,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they put all of their energy and time into the wedding. Then, they don\u2019t put the time and energy into preparing for marriage. Then, again, once they get married, we get so busy. It\u2019s not a <em>bad<\/em> thing. We just are so busy. We get distracted. Next thing we look up and we say, \u201cWow. We\u2019re not even together anymore.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you said you and Cathy have a high-maintenance marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, we often say that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How is your marriage different than my marriage, or do we all have high-maintenance marriages? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I think to an extent, we probably do. However, Cathy and I were both raised in non-Christian homes. I come from a family where there is alcoholism on my side. Cathy comes from a family that\u2019s just a little crazy. When we got married, we were first-generation Christians and pretty new at being Christians. So we thought\u2014because we were Christians\u2014we wouldn\u2019t have the same bumps and things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout\u2014well\u2014I\u2019d say a year into it, we had to make a declaration because we kept saying the \u201cD\u201d word\u2014you know\u2014divorce. The \u201cD\u201d word was really rampant in our life, and we were called to ministry, so we had to make a decision to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, wait\u2014I want to ask you about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How did you throw it around? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I would do it and so would Cathy\u2014\u201cMaybe, we shouldn\u2019t be together anymore.\u201d Our families\u2014both sides of the families had divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anytime there was some conflict\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Instead of working through the conflict, what we did was we would run and say, \u201cWell, maybe, this isn\u2019t going to work. Maybe, there is somebody better. Maybe, the grass is greener. I know I loved you, but this is getting really too hard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve talked to couples about this, and what I\u2019ve said over the years is\u2014\u201cThis is the trump card that every couple\u2014every person is carrying. So, when you are in an argument and your spouse throws down a Jack and says, \u2018You did this,\u2019 then, you pull a Queen out of your hand and you say, \u2018Look, you did this. This is worse than what I did.\u2019 Then, they throw down the King and say, \u2018Well, what about this?\u2019\u201d There is really nothing that trumps, \u201cMaybe, we shouldn\u2019t be married anymore.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the other thing I\u2019ve said is\u2014Once you\u2019ve played that card\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you have sowed a seed in the back of your spouse\u2019s heart and mind that says, \u201cYou remember that promise I made? You can\u2019t count on that.\u201d It doesn\u2019t matter if you never bring it up again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014unless you address it specifically like you guys did\u2014that seed is there in the back of the mind; and they are singing with Carole King, \u2018Will you still love me tomorrow\u2019; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You\u2019re right. I actually like that song\u2014but I do agree with you. We put a stake in the ground. What we said was\u2014you know the Scripture says, \u201cYou inherit the sins of a previous generation of third and fourth generation.\u201d It\u2019s all throughout the Old Testament. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor Cathy and myself, we weren\u2019t necessarily doing the same sins as our parents, but we had the sin bent. That meant\u2014also\u2014we didn\u2019t know how to do communication. So, we made a decision that first year that we would remove the \u201cD\u201d word. Even if we were going to be miserable, we were going to remove the \u201cD\u201d word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen that Scripture says about the sins of a previous generations, we decided that we would be what we called the transitional generation\u2014we made up those words\u2014meaning we would try to either recover or repeat the sins of the generations because that\u2019s what you do. We decided, \u201cWe\u2019re going to recover. Even if we\u2019re miserable, we\u2019re going to make this thing work.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say that that\u2014besides making the decision to bring Christ into our lives\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that was the most important decision we could ever make for our marriage\u2014and actually\u2014our own legacy, with our own children now and our grandchildren\u2014was to recover and break that chain. That\u2019s what we\u2019ve been doing. In those first few years, we had some really bad habits. We wish somebody would have helped us in those first few years guide us in a direction that would have made it\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s the word simpler\u2014but made it more successful in terms of the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When I speak at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage conferences that we do around the country, I will say to the engaged couples who are there, \u201cYou have made the very finest investment you could possibly make by taking a three-day weekend and studying what God\u2019s Word says about marriage and family by some folks who have been working on this for over four decades.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, let me tell you something else,\u201d I say, \u201cif you\u2019ll come back with them in the next 12 months after you get married, you will have built some\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cspiritual disciplines into your lives one of them being the tongue\u201d\u2014what you\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you start out on the right trajectory, it\u2019ll take you all the way to the moon; but if you have the wrong trajectory\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you could end up in outer space. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You talk about this in <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>. You talk about\u2014when you\u2019re adrift\u2014it\u2019s that one degree difference. Explain to listeners what that\u2019s all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> If you just drift one degree off\u2014you know I live in California\u2014so, if I\u2019m going toward Hawaii\u2014I\u2019m on a boat\u2014and I drift one degree off, it eventually takes me to Australia. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> A good marriage is constant course corrections. You know you\u2019re drifting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014and you\u2019re making course corrections. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was speaking in Houston a couple of years ago now; and the guy who had me out said, \u201cHey, do you want to meet an astronaut?\u201d I went\u2014\u201cYes, I\u2019ve never met an astronaut.\u201d His church is literally next door to NASA. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I shook hands with this guy. We talked, and I said, \u201cHow many times have you been up?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said he\u2019d been up in space twice\u2014pretty incredible. I said, \u201cWhat does it feel like\u201d\u2014and I pointed to NASA next door\u2014I said, \u201cWhat does it feel like to have them in charge of your life when you\u2019re up there in space?\u201d He said, \u201cOh, they\u2019re only in charge three-percent of the time. All of the rest of time, we are making course corrections.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, that was a message for marriage\u2014that we don\u2019t always have it perfect. We need to be making course corrections. To do that, we need content. We need to build mentors around our lives. A lot of younger marriages don\u2019t take the time to do that. They don\u2019t invest in that\u2014but if you do it, you\u2019re going to make these constant course corrections\u2014and you\u2019re going to head out in a good place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the reasons you have to keep making course corrections is because you wake up every morning, and you\u2019re married to somebody different. [Laughter] I mean I remember thinking when Mary Ann and I got married, I thought, \u201cWhat happens\u2014I\u2019m about to make a vow that this is for the rest of my life. What happens if she changes?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was like God said, \u201cGuess what. She will and so will you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you\u2019ve got to figure out how you make those course corrections because you\u2019re changing\u2014you\u2019re growing\u2014you\u2019re not the same person today that you were when you got married\u2014neither is Mary Ann\u2014neither is your spouse. So, the course corrections are required because you are different people every month\u2014every six months\u2014every year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And let\u2019s not leave out the culture either. It\u2019s like the currents\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the winds\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Pulling you in different directions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the storms. I mean there are other things that cause a course correction in a marriage relationship\u2014and you can\u2019t control them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a matter of it being happily after ever without any kind of hiccup along the way. It\u2019s going to be a voyage that knows all kinds of storms\u2014all kinds of challenges\u2014the equipment breaking down at points. I mean you\u2019ve experienced it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure; absolutely. When I\u2019m thinking back to\u2014well, the most famous sermon every spoken or written\u2014the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus concluded that by saying, \u201cWhen you build your house, build it on a rock, not on sand.\u201d He doesn\u2019t promise that you aren\u2019t going to have those storms\u2014because you are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of it is what you guys are saying\u2014\u201cHow do we help people in marriages learn to embrace each other\u2019s difference and embrace the fact that change is going to happen?\u201d There is going to be illness. There is going to be adult child who is going to walk away from faith. There is going to be financial problems. There are going to be all kinds of issues. How\u2014through those storms\u2014do you do it? I think you do it by building on the Rock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs much as we want to sound romantic and spontaneous\u2014that is definitely a part of marriage\u2014there is also a discipline to this. When Paul said to Timothy, \u201cDiscipline yourself for the purpose of godliness,\u201d he was talking about godliness\u2014but he was talking about an athletic term of building discipline. So, what I\u2019m learning, more and more, is that to really get a marriage started on a great ground, you\u2019ve got to have some good disciplines\u2014build those disciplines into your life early. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Jim, would you be willing to take us into the darkest storm you and your bride have ever faced in 44 years of marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take us there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure. When Cathy and I were first married, we wanted nothing more than to have children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoth of\u2014Cathy\u2019s background is early childhood. She has a degree in it. She works with kids who have autism, and she is amazing with kids. My background was youth ministry\u2014love kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were unable to have kids. So, we went through a deep time of infertility; and the infertility\u2014it never entered my mind. I didn\u2019t know anybody who was infertile. I now realize 1 out of 5 couples are\u2014but that, we didn\u2019t know. So, that put us in a unique stage in our marriage. The story continued that we adopted our daughter Christy, which is the great joy of our life. Then, we have two other daughters who came through natural birth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, she had a hysterectomy, and she went into a deep depression. So, now, I\u2019m not married to the person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014you were talking about this\u2014I\u2019m not married to that same person because she has got post-partum, and it is a tough deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took some time because\u2014I have to be honest\u2014I looked at this situation\u2014we had three babies\u2014two of them in diapers. I went, \u201cWhoa! I don\u2019t know that I signed up for this\u201d\u2014because I realized during that time I was giving about 75-percent\u2014and she was giving about 25-percent. Now, there are other dark times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014where she\u2019s given 80-percent, and I\u2019ve given 20-percent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we had to come together\u2014was we realized during that tough time\u2014because it affected our marriage. Now, none of that was really about our own relationship\u2014it was about outside sources\u2014but were we going to accept these outside sources, and were we going to become all that God wanted us to be? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be honest, those were strong years. We look back at it now. We still want to feel the intense pain because we want to care for others who are going through that. At the same time, we look back at it and say, \u201cWow, we made some good decisions through that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, what about the \u201cD\u201d word? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Have you used it since that first year? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> No. No. Even as you all know, the studies now show that if somebody, even in a troubled marriage would persevere for five years, there\u2019s a 78\u2014I\u2019ve seen 82\u2014percent chance that they\u2019ll say that their marriage is better off. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Cathy and I dumped that word\u2014I mean, literally\u2014we dumped it. Now, has it ever entered my mind? Would it be easier? Of course, it has\u2014that\u2019s human nature\u2014but you know that word doesn\u2019t help anybody. It doesn\u2019t give any confidence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt didn\u2019t give Cathy any confidence in our relationship. So, we dumped that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what that illustration has brought to mind for me so many times. I\u2019ve had cars that have lived into their post-100,000 mile lifetime\u2014and when you\u2019ve got a car that\u2019s got 160,000 miles on it and the transmission goes out, you\u2019re looking at the car and you\u2019re going\u2014\u201cIs this the time when you just trade it in, get whatever you can for it, and buy the new car?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, if somebody told you when you bought the car, this is the only one you will ever have. Well, when the transmission goes bad, you\u2019ve got one option. You fix the transmission because this is your only car for the rest of your life. I think for a lot of couples, if they walk into marriage going\u2014\u201cThis is the only marriage I\u2019m ever going to have\u201d\u2014so, if the transmission goes out\u2014and that\u2019s a big deal\u2014you\u2019re going to have to fix the transmission, or you\u2019re walking a lot of places. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you what, Bob. That\u2019s a perfect illustration of what we\u2019re talking about here. I mean it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I don\u2019t know that young couples hear that message. Who said it was going to be easy? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jim:<\/strong> I mean why are we promising that it\u2019s going to be perfect and easy and walk on roses? No, there are going to be some transmissions break\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> \u2014along the way. Yes, we know that when people have looked at after 50 years, they oftentimes don\u2019t say, \u201cOh, it was the spontaneous, physical intimacy, and it was this and that.\u201d I mean sure that\u2019s a part of it, but what they are saying is, \u201cNo, we hung together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCathy and I had a fun experience. I was speaking in Hollywood, and we decided that we would walk to the Hollywood sign. Now, of course, I thought it was a two-mile hike. We found out it was an eight-mile hike\u2014but that\u2019s another problem with our marriage. She likes those kinds of hikes, but not me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe saw this couple, and they both had walkers. They were walking to the merry-go-round where you start at Griffith Park. I said to Cathy, \u201cI want to be like those people.\u201d She looked at me, and she goes\u2014\u201cThat sounds kind of creepy because I don\u2019t want walkers yet.\u201d I said, \u201cI understand.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be like those people because what had they persevered through? What were their issues? They made it, but what are the issues that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014helped them become the people who were married\u2014we asked them\u201466 years. Did they have a perfect marriage? No, but they persevered. I think a lot of it is perseverance and determination and going\u2014really, honestly\u2014back to the discipline. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m so glad that in the first year in our marriage, I didn\u2019t bail\u2014as other family members had\u2014and I\u2019m so glad that Cathy didn\u2019t bail because today we have something that is unique and beautiful and wonderful. Is it perfect? No. We still want to say we have a high-maintenance\u2014because we still have to work at it. A high-maintenance car\u2014you can have\u2014I have a neighbor who has a great Corvette. It\u2019s a 1968 Corvette. Oh, it\u2019s beautiful. That guy is working on it all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All the time; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know what? I\u2019ve got a beautiful marriage, but I\u2019ve got to be working on it all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mary Ann and I have had the experience now of walking out of a restaurant\u2014we\u2019ll be holding hands\u2014and I\u2019ll turn to her and say, \u201cDo you think there are people looking at us saying, \u2018Look at that cute, old couple holding hands?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You\u2019ve become them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like we used to say about those cute, old couples; and I go\u2014\u201cI hope they are not saying that about us yet!\u201d Come on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> They are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, they are. I think it\u2019s kind of fun that they may be saying that. You do something\u2014in terms of discipline\u2014that I think is genius and that is\u2014\u201cKeep sowing positive seeds in your marriage relationship.\u201d You did something with a hundred scraps of paper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Why I\u2019m kind of proud of this is because I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> that guy. I don\u2019t think about this, but somehow I had this inspiration to write a thousand reasons of affirmation and love to Cathy. I put them, literally, on scraps of paper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A thousand!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A thousand! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A thousand! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I said a thousand. I mean a hundred. I just wrote\u2014sometimes\u2014one word. I\u2019d write a phrase. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Actually, anything from appreciating her beauty to a lot of things about her character. Cathy has amazing character. She is a very God-honoring woman. So, I would just write reasons why I was thankful. You know, \u201cI\u2019m thankful for the amazing mom that you are,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m thankful for the sacrifice that you\u2019ve made with our ministry so many times.\u201d You know Cathy never complained about that kind of stuff\u2014that got in there\u2014her beauty, grateful for this, grateful for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I did was I gave them to her a little jar, and I probably should have gotten a nicer jar to be honest. It was just a crummy, old jelly jar\u2014whatever\u2014but I put it in there, and she started taking those out and reading them. Then, I watched her cry, and I watched her have some incredible emotion. She just kind of kept looking up at me like, \u201cAre you sure this is from you?\u201d\u2014or whatever. Then, interestingly enough, she still has those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Now, they are a little bit yellowed. I don\u2019t know that she always looks at them, but I do know there have been other times. She shows that jar to other people, and you know it makes me look pretty good; but I\u2019ve only done it once. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to challenge\u2014I\u2019m going to throw the gauntlet down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cDo a thousand.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, you know what? I honestly should. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Somehow, I must have misread your book because I thought what you did was you had these little pieces of paper and you spread them all over the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, they are in the jar. I wrote love notes early on to Mary Ann, and I hid them around the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some, she found the next day\u2014I made sure they were in conspicuous spots\u2014but some, she didn\u2019t find for months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would put some in her recipe files. So, she\u2019s looking for a recipe for chicken. All of the sudden, it\u2019s \u201cOh, there\u2019s that love note.\u201d I think some of the\u2014and some of those recipe files she hasn\u2019t been back to visit those recipes for a while so she may get one of those in another 10 or 20 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> What is interesting about what we\u2019re talking about\u2014and I know in my experience with Cathy with that\u2014you know Cathy appreciates a little bit, almost geeky, sometimes, for guys to say, \u201cThis is what we did\u201d; but I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014it means so much to our spouse. So, putting it in the recipe file, putting it in a jar, doing it however we do it\u2014they appreciate it. I watched Cathy get past it pretty quick of going, \u201cWhat is this,\u201d into \u201cWow, this is a love letter,\u201d without writing it longhand and love-letter language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the thing. All of us know someone who is getting married in the coming months, get a copy of <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>\u2014subtitled <em>8 Ways to Strengthen Your \u201cI Do\u201d<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of those eight is what we have been talking about here. It\u2019s Chapter 6: <em>Choose the Positive<\/em> and how you do that practically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of eight suggestions you\u2019ve got in here. \u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I would encourage you to get a copy of the book\u2014but the other thing I\u2019d encourage them to get is a certificate to attend the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. If you send a couple to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and they work their way through Jim Burns and Doug Fields\u2019 book, <em>The First Few Years of Marriage<\/em>, you will have sent them in the right course in order to have a 50-year voyage in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is Perma Jack. This helps get that foundation strong and stable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Perma Jack? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Perma\u2014where they fix the foundation on a house\u2014you know Perma Jack; right? You\u2019ve never heard of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry, Bob. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They go in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I thought you had a side job or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking about the foundation of your marriage, and Jim\u2019s book and the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is kind of that Perma Jack that will get the foundation of your marriage settled for you. We\u2019ve got copies of Jim\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called <em>The First Few Years of Marriage: 8 Ways to Strengthen Your \u201cI Do\u201d<\/em>. Again, you can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or you can call to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also want to let you know about the special offer we\u2019re making this week and next week for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. If you register this week or next week for the getaway, you pay 50-percent less than you would pay otherwise. 50-percent off the regular registration fee as long as you sign up this week or next week, and then plan to join us for a getaway this spring. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you need information about where the getaways are being hosted\u2014what weekend, what city\u2014you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have about the getaway. You can register online if you\u2019d like. Again, at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call to register 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-FL-TODAY, the number to call. We hope you\u2019ll join us at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We also hope you\u2019ll join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how important it is for couples to start off their marriage laughing together. Seriously, that\u2019s one of the critical pieces of counsel that Jim Burns has for newly married couples. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300017"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300017"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300017"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300017"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}