{"id":300013,"date":"2019-01-10T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-10T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:13","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:13","slug":"holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving\/","title":{"rendered":"Holes: The High Cost of Leaving"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When Jonathan Edwards&#8217; father left, his absence left a giant hole in the hearts of his family members. As Edwards admits, &#8220;There is a different pain that comes from being left.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-10.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:40","filesize":"23.5M","filesize_raw":"24643807","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2830,2873],"tags":[4030,4033,4031,4032],"podcast_series":[7160],"cwp_profile":[8797],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300013","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-of-divorce","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-abandoned","tag-divorce","tag-neglected-by-father","tag-parents-divorce","podcast_series-left","cwp_profile-jonathan-edwards","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300013\/holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300013\/holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"FnfqfzBwK6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving\/\">Holes: The High Cost of Leaving<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/holes-the-high-cost-of-leaving\/embed\/#?secret=FnfqfzBwK6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Holes: The High Cost of Leaving&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"FnfqfzBwK6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-10.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-10.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jonathan Edwards grew up in a family where there was tension and hostility between his mom and his dad. Even after they separated, it was still there. Jonathan remembers those feelings very clearly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>There was one night where my dad just was really upset about something, so we had to go over to the neighbors\u2019 house and not be there when he visited. There were some times where my mom\u2019s things were tossed out. It\u2019s interesting to think that, as a kid, even though you see those things, you\u2019d rather keep the presence, and keep the tension, and keep the whatever <em>that<\/em> is as long as you\u2019re not ostracized again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Jonathan Edwards joins us today to talk about the power of a parent\u2019s presence in his child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe looks back on his own experience, growing up, with a dad who abandoned him. We\u2019ll hear his story today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You\u2019ve said, many times over the years, that there is great power in a family\u2014probably more power than those of us, who a part of the family, recognize\u2014power for good and power for ill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; I think we don\u2019t realize how our choices can be life markers, not only on those we love, but it can impact those we love for generations that follow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Jonathan Edwards, who is about to tell a compelling story of the impact of divorce on his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, wait. Jonathan Ed\u2014I\u2019ve always wanted to do an interview with Jonathan Edwards. The chance has finally arrived?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It has. Unfortunately, it\u2019s not the one that you were hoping to do an interview. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonathan, welcome to the broadcast. Sorry to have a put-down right off. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s <em>never<\/em> happened to you\u2014people coming up, \u201cI\u2019ve wanted to meet you.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; this is the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m sure it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonathan has served in pastoral ministry in the church for over ten years\u2014also served with the Docent [Research] Group in developing curriculum. He writes for The Gospel Coalition and a number of other ministries and has written a book, very simply titled, <em>Left<\/em>. The subtitle is <em>The Struggle to Make Sense of Life When a Parent Leaves.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou begin your book by talking about holes: H-O-L-E-S. Why the illustration of holes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>We know what it is to dig a hole, and we know that stuff comes out\u2014it\u2019s messy. How I talk about that in the book is that there are certain days on the calendar that dig up a lot of <em>mess<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whether it be how long it\u2019s been since you\u2019ve spoken to a parent, whether it be since your child died, whether it be\u2014whatever it is, there are days on the calendar that really unearth things that we wish would stay hidden.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of those days for you happened when you were seven years old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; my dad left, and I don\u2019t remember much of that specific day. All I remember was, from eight, moving into this random apartment, realizing he wasn\u2019t down the hall\/realizing my mom and my sister shared a room\u2014just having to move out and seeing his things go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things I talk about in the book is\u2014there\u2019s so much space that accumulates when a parent leaves. It\u2019s not just their place at the dinner table\u2014it\u2019s their toothbrush is gone, half of the closet has been cleaned out, there\u2019s space in the bed next to my mom, there\u2019s space in the driveway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember not having to back up two cars to play basketball\u2014only backing up one car; only waiting for one car to come home\u2014just an absence, I think, that you realize, \u201cThis isn\u2019t happening,\u201d but you don\u2019t realize it until you experience the normalcy that your friends are experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was sharing, with a friend the other day, that the absence is only abnormal until you know what is normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. Was there not a time when your mom and dad got you and your siblings together and said: \u201cDad\u2019s moving out. This is a separation that is going to be for awhile. We think it\u2019s best for you and for us\u201d? Was that not a family meeting that you had?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>It was. I remember writing an article for the ERLC about how that was communicated\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014as that was what was best for me, that that was best for our family, that that was what was best for my mom. The whole time that I sat there and listened to that, as I took it in, I kind of felt like, \u201cIs this what\u2019s best for <em>you<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you experience life and your reality shifts, so much of what is now normal to you and you understand what you\u2019re experiencing\u2014financial hardship, having to wear my sister\u2019s soccer cleats for my baseball season, not getting prayed with, not getting coached, not getting taught things\u2014it starts to really add up; and you think, \u201cWas this the best thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Had you noticed that your parents weren\u2019t getting along?\u2014as a little boy, you know\u2014through the ages three, four, five, six\u2014just being a child, hanging around the house and noticing there\u2019s a tension? Were you absorbing that, as a little boy, growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if I was absorbing it, but I definitely <em>noticed<\/em>. I noticed that the camaraderie that my parents shared, the way they spoke to one another, the way we spent time together\u2014it was not as enjoyable or fun-filled. There was this\u2014just tension that was there that I did\u2014for the longest time, I thought, \u201cThis is just normal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there are a lot of things we take for granted, just by virtue of presence\/two people being there\u2014be in a conversation\/be face to face\u2014I don\u2019t hear you having experienced that. The result of that is, indeed, a hole; it\u2019s a gap; it\u2019s a deficit\u2014that you have to decide how you\u2019re going to fill that hole\/patch that hole\u2014deal with that hole, going forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow have you been tempted to deal with those holes\/those gaps that you experienced as you looked at your friends\u2019 families and saw what normal was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>The first hole was identity: \u201cIs there something wrong with me? Do I need to fix myself? Do I need to be a different person? Do I need to go do these things?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a lot of talk, growing up, of measuring me and my failings, as the youngest, to my siblings. That turned to, in high school\u2014whether it would be alcohol\/drugs\u2014I just wanted to be <em>noticed<\/em> by my dad. I thought, \u201cIf I do something wrong and he comes and disciplines me\u2026\u201d \/ \u201cIf he gets called to address some things that I\u2019ve done wrong\u2026\u201d\u2014him addressing my disobedience\u2014at least, I\u2019m being noticed by him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That happened when you were 15; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell everybody what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was in ninth grade. I had gotten caught for drinking with my friends. My mom, on the way home from church\u2014she was at church\/at choir practice, and she was sharing with her friends how thankful she was that I was abstaining and not giving in to peer pressure and doing things I shouldn\u2019t. Somebody approached her, after choir, and said, \u201cI think you need to sit down with Jonathan and talk to him, because he\u2019s telling you a very different story than what I\u2019ve heard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe comes and gets me out of youth [group] and says: \u201cGet in the car. We\u2019re going home.\u201d It was the most silent car ride, so we didn\u2019t say anything. We got home, and I told her everything that happened. She said, \u201cYou have to call your dad.\u201d I was <em>terrified<\/em>. There had been some things, earlier in childhood, that made me terrified of angering him. I called him, and I had to tell him what was going on and what I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cWell, I can\u2019t say I\u2019m not disappointed. I just wish you would have done it with me first.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cgone drinking with me\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; there was no punishment; there was no lecture\u2014he just kind of hung up. I just remember feeling, \u201cDo I not have that value to you?\u2014to be disciplined\u2014to correct\u2014to protect?\u201d Because it\u2019s just like the commandments with the Lord. When He puts laws on us\/when He tells us what to do, it\u2019s not because He\u2019s trying to restrict us; it\u2019s because we are <em>valuable<\/em> to Him. If you have a guitar\/if you have a very nice possession, you don\u2019t let anybody handle it. You put restrictions on how it is handled. I felt like, in that moment, there was just <em>no<\/em> concern for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We need to create a context for all of this. Your dad moved out when you were eight years old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You and your siblings and your mom moved into a small apartment; money was now tight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour dad came back, awhile later\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; he came back, and we were very excited. We thought life was returning to normal. We actually\u2014my sister carved this wooden headstone and wrote my dad\u2019s name on it. We went in the woods and nailed this tombstone to a tree. It was this symbolic act, as a family, that his old life was now gone\u2014that this was his new direction, as a dad. He had started to come back to church and doing all this stuff; and we thought: \u201cThis is it! We\u2019re on the uphill.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How much time had passed from the time he left to the time he came back with this apparent renewal?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Maybe six months to a year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when he came back\u2014when the headstone was planted, when you think things are going to be returning now to how it\u2019s supposed to be: there are two cars in the driveway again and his toothbrush is in the bathroom now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014tension started to re-emerge in the relationship pretty quickly?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if it was quickly. You know, when you look back, this long ago, it\u2019s hard to see the positives that stick out. I know, when he came back, we experienced one Christmas at my grandma\u2019s house in South Carolina, where he came with us to Christmas again. That was the last time that his Christmas stocking was hanging from the mantel, so I was in fifth grade at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were speaking about presence earlier, Dennis. My dad was always great at giving gifts, and surprising us, and doing these things. I just love the word-play there that exists in the role of a parent. A parent can give presents; but if a parent doesn\u2019t have presence, the former presents don\u2019t make any\u2014they\u2019re not important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to go back for a moment to the wooden tombstone to symbolize his coming home\u2014that a new era was in place. Did you go with your sister to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Oh, we <em>all<\/em> were there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; we all walked in the woods together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What do you remember feeling as that was occurring?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was excited. It was almost like that was the gift I really wanted: \u201cThis is <em>really<\/em> happening.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hope was renewed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Hope; life; and I would say what I craved most, as a kid, was normalcy. Now, I am not the oddball in my class. It was very public what was happening in my family, and I was probably one of two kids in my class that had a family like that. I felt very different; I felt like I couldn\u2019t relate. I remember a teacher taking me just by the hand, after school one day, and saying, \u201cYou realize the things you are wrestling with are things that your friends probably will never have to think about in their lifetime?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, that kind of hope\u2014where you\u2019re also waiting for the shoe to drop\u2014I would say that is where it started for me. That return, that then meant nothing, has now shaped my <em>entire<\/em> life on how I view positive situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mention in your book that you had a desire for your dad to show up in armor\/in battle gear to protect you, and your mom, and your family and to do battle on behalf of you all. I don\u2019t have a category for that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014I mean, that you didn\u2019t get the armor-bearer; but instead, were disappointed yet again. How did you process that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I think I just thought I was making a bigger deal of it than it actually was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd maybe how I was being affected\u2014why I was so sad\/why I was angry\u2014I was actually, probably, hopeless, thinking, \u201cThis happened; but then, now he\u2019s gone again.\u201d The things that were said to me\u2014you know, it was just kind of: \u201cHey, we have to keep going. We have to move on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You did what a lot of kids do in this situation; and that is, you assumed: \u201cThe problem must be me. There\u2019s something wrong here. Maybe the reason my dad doesn\u2019t want to be around is because I\u2019m defective. Maybe the reason all of this is happening is because I\u2019m overreacting.\u201d Instead of thinking, \u201cI\u2019m in a broken world, and this is not how life\u2019s supposed to be,\u201d you were thinking, \u201cI guess I\u2019m the problem.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen did you become aware, the second time, that your dad wasn\u2019t staying around? Did you just show up and he was gone?\u2014or were you aware that Dad was going to leave tomorrow, or next week, or something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>My mom told me. I remember she was washing dishes at the sink, and she told me that it was over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember this vividly\u2014of tugging her hand and just being like: \u201cWhy? No! Again? This is happening again? No! This isn\u2019t going to happen!\u201d I was confused: \u201cDidn\u2019t we move into this house\u2014didn\u2019t we come back here for things to be okay?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut up to this point\u2014here\u2019s what\u2019s crazy about that. By the time I was tugging her hand, there were several instances where things had gotten out of hand. There was one night, where my dad just was really upset about something; and so we had to go over to the neighbors\u2019 house and not be there when he visited. There were some times, where my mom\u2019s things were tossed out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting to think that, as a kid, even though you see those things, you\u2019d rather keep the presence, and keep the tension, and keep the whatever <em>that<\/em> is as long as you\u2019re not ostracized again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014as long as there\u2019s not a physical representation of: \u201cI\u2019m different,\u201d \u201cNow I <em>know<\/em> that you really don\u2019t care, because you\u2019re not here.\u201d If you\u2019re here and you\u2019re just engaging with me\u2014fussing at me; saying you\u2019re disappointed in me\u2014I\u2019m still in your life, at some point, and you have to continue to revisit me every day. You have to come home to me. But if you\u2019re not here, then you can do whatever you want and say, \u201cBye.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m listening to your story of your journey; and I\u2019m thinking: \u201cMan, we have a ton of listeners, right now, who are revisiting some of their own choices; and a whole other group that were impacted\u2014adult children of divorce\u2014or some teenagers who are in a car, right now, and they\u2019re reflecting; and they\u2019re trying to sort out all of what they\u2019re thinking.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you were talking, I was going\u2014you know, we\u2019ve said, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> that divorce is not a solution; it\u2019s an exchange of problems. A lot of people, I think, do get a divorce for the purpose of bringing peace to their own lives\/to their family and think that this is going to bring peace. And yet, what I hear you describing is really the aftershocks of an earthquake that didn\u2019t occur once, but twice. You\u2019re now in your 30s; it\u2019s been a long time, but the aftershocks continue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>The aftershocks of being left and being abandoned are very different than the aftershocks of being completely forgotten about and not even talked to. I think there is an aftershock of: \u201cHey, my dad\u2019s not here. I\u2019m visiting him on the weekends,\u201d \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to wherever; and having weekends and experiences with him.\u201d He\u2019s still in my life, at some point\/to some degree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a different kind of wrestling that happens with <em>that<\/em> than the wrestling that occurs when he just <em>refuses<\/em> to speak to you and just communicates that level of value: \u201cYou are of so little value to me that, not only am I not in your life, I don\u2019t even want to talk to\u00a0 you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if there are people listening that have that going on, but I would say there is a different pain that comes from being <em>left<\/em> than the pain that comes with being completely forgotten about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, from the time your dad moved out the second time\u2014when you were 11 through the time you were in high school and into early college\u2014you had regular interaction with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; we had a <em>great<\/em> relationship, whatever that could be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would visit him. He would come to some football games; he would experience some of my life. I would take friends to see him. But then, when I was a freshman in college, that was the last time I spoke to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s been 14 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Fourteen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019ll talk more about that story and hear how that came about; but I have a profound sadness that I feel for you, as a man. You\u2019re now married\u2014have a wife, named Katherine\u2014have to be thinking about your own family, if God blesses, can start having children\u2014the responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t help but think, Bob, of our interview with Josh McDowell\u2014how he decided to take the wounds\u2014you call them holes, but he called them wounds\u2014that his father had inflicted upon him, and he decided he was going to be a different man. He was going to face forward and continue to grow around the stuff that he saw in the rearview mirror. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe decided he was going to face forward and make a better impact on his wife\/his family, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to believe, Bob, we\u2019re talking to people today who are also at a pivot point. Will they look forward and do the right thing?\u2014or will they continue looking out the rearview mirror at what never was and perhaps what never will be?\u2014not to diminish that in any way\u2014but to live by faith and ask God to use them and use these wounds to help other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And part of looking forward may involve stepping back into the pain of the past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014which, Jonathan, is what you\u2019ve done. Writing this book took you back into the process, emotionally and theologically, what you went through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think somebody can fully look forward until they\u2019ve wrestled with and come to some conclusions\u2014maybe not final conclusions\u2014but done some processing around the pains that those holes in your life can leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can imagine a lot of people will get a copy of your book, <em>Left<\/em>, and read it and go: \u201cThis is my story. I\u2019ve experienced this as well,\u201d\u2014whether they\u2019re men or women\/whether it was a mom or a dad who left\u2014but that sense of estrangement is profound in our lives, as adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I would just encourage the listener, who does do that\u2014get the book\u2014that perhaps they think about maybe forming a small group that might meet for three months, six months, or a year with others who have maybe experienced something similar. I think these kind of wounds really demand that we do it in community\u2014a community of faith\u2014someone who can offer hope at the right moment but, also, offer salve and comfort for those wounds as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; Jonathan\u2019s book is called <em>Left,<\/em> and the subtitle is<em> The Struggle to Make Sense of Life When a Parent Leaves<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go, online, to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. So again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; the phone number: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. And the title of the book by Jonathan Edwards is <em>Left: The Struggle to Make Sense of Life When a Parent Leaves<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for all of us, as husbands and wives, when we hear a story like this, we\u2019re reminded of the fact that our marriage matters, not just to us, but it matters to our kids; it matters to our community; it matters in our culture. We need to be doing everything we can to invest in the strength and health of our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we get sideways one another, when there\u2019s anger, or when there are challenges in our marriage, we need to address those and work to find reconciliation, and peace, and to come back together as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we\u2019re doing, here at the start of the new year, is encouraging couples to begin a habit that will help build a stronger bond between the two of you. That\u2019s the habit of praying together daily. Our team has put together a series of daily prayer prompts\u2014seven days of emails that we\u2019ll send to you\u2014that will give you a little nudge to pray together and help direct you with some things to pray about, as a couple\/some Scripture to talk about. The whole thing may take two or three minutes; but listen, you\u2019ll be amazed at how that two or three minutes together in your relationship connects the two of you as it connects both of you with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to send these prayer prompts out to you. All you have to do is sign up\u2014give us your email address. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says \u201cBetter Together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll get you started getting your prayer prompts and helping you build a new discipline\/a new habit in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back, again, tomorrow when Jonathan Edwards will be here again to talk about the impact that his father leaving had on him, as a young man, growing up. In fact, we\u2019ll hear about the reunion that took place when you were in college that did not go particularly well. I hope you can be here for all of that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:40"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.5M"],"filesize_raw":["24643807"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300013.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300013.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Jonathan Edwards' father left, his absence left a giant hole in the hearts of his family members. As Edwards admits, \"There is a different pain that comes from being left.\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jonathan Edwards grew up in a family where there was tension and hostility between his mom and his dad. Even after they separated, it was still there. Jonathan remembers those feelings very clearly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>There was one night where my dad just was really upset about something, so we had to go over to the neighbors\u2019 house and not be there when he visited. There were some times where my mom\u2019s things were tossed out. It\u2019s interesting to think that, as a kid, even though you see those things, you\u2019d rather keep the presence, and keep the tension, and keep the whatever <em>that<\/em> is as long as you\u2019re not ostracized again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 10<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Jonathan Edwards joins us today to talk about the power of a parent\u2019s presence in his child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe looks back on his own experience, growing up, with a dad who abandoned him. We\u2019ll hear his story today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You\u2019ve said, many times over the years, that there is great power in a family\u2014probably more power than those of us, who a part of the family, recognize\u2014power for good and power for ill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; I think we don\u2019t realize how our choices can be life markers, not only on those we love, but it can impact those we love for generations that follow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Jonathan Edwards, who is about to tell a compelling story of the impact of divorce on his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, wait. Jonathan Ed\u2014I\u2019ve always wanted to do an interview with Jonathan Edwards. The chance has finally arrived?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It has. Unfortunately, it\u2019s not the one that you were hoping to do an interview. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonathan, welcome to the broadcast. Sorry to have a put-down right off. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s <em>never<\/em> happened to you\u2014people coming up, \u201cI\u2019ve wanted to meet you.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; this is the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m sure it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonathan has served in pastoral ministry in the church for over ten years\u2014also served with the Docent [Research] Group in developing curriculum. He writes for The Gospel Coalition and a number of other ministries and has written a book, very simply titled, <em>Left<\/em>. The subtitle is <em>The Struggle to Make Sense of Life When a Parent Leaves.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou begin your book by talking about holes: H-O-L-E-S. Why the illustration of holes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>We know what it is to dig a hole, and we know that stuff comes out\u2014it\u2019s messy. How I talk about that in the book is that there are certain days on the calendar that dig up a lot of <em>mess<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014whether it be how long it\u2019s been since you\u2019ve spoken to a parent, whether it be since your child died, whether it be\u2014whatever it is, there are days on the calendar that really unearth things that we wish would stay hidden.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of those days for you happened when you were seven years old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; my dad left, and I don\u2019t remember much of that specific day. All I remember was, from eight, moving into this random apartment, realizing he wasn\u2019t down the hall\/realizing my mom and my sister shared a room\u2014just having to move out and seeing his things go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things I talk about in the book is\u2014there\u2019s so much space that accumulates when a parent leaves. It\u2019s not just their place at the dinner table\u2014it\u2019s their toothbrush is gone, half of the closet has been cleaned out, there\u2019s space in the bed next to my mom, there\u2019s space in the driveway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember not having to back up two cars to play basketball\u2014only backing up one car; only waiting for one car to come home\u2014just an absence, I think, that you realize, \u201cThis isn\u2019t happening,\u201d but you don\u2019t realize it until you experience the normalcy that your friends are experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was sharing, with a friend the other day, that the absence is only abnormal until you know what is normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. Was there not a time when your mom and dad got you and your siblings together and said: \u201cDad\u2019s moving out. This is a separation that is going to be for awhile. We think it\u2019s best for you and for us\u201d? Was that not a family meeting that you had?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>It was. I remember writing an article for the ERLC about how that was communicated\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014as that was what was best for me, that that was best for our family, that that was what was best for my mom. The whole time that I sat there and listened to that, as I took it in, I kind of felt like, \u201cIs this what\u2019s best for <em>you<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you experience life and your reality shifts, so much of what is now normal to you and you understand what you\u2019re experiencing\u2014financial hardship, having to wear my sister\u2019s soccer cleats for my baseball season, not getting prayed with, not getting coached, not getting taught things\u2014it starts to really add up; and you think, \u201cWas this the best thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Had you noticed that your parents weren\u2019t getting along?\u2014as a little boy, you know\u2014through the ages three, four, five, six\u2014just being a child, hanging around the house and noticing there\u2019s a tension? Were you absorbing that, as a little boy, growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if I was absorbing it, but I definitely <em>noticed<\/em>. I noticed that the camaraderie that my parents shared, the way they spoke to one another, the way we spent time together\u2014it was not as enjoyable or fun-filled. There was this\u2014just tension that was there that I did\u2014for the longest time, I thought, \u201cThis is just normal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there are a lot of things we take for granted, just by virtue of presence\/two people being there\u2014be in a conversation\/be face to face\u2014I don\u2019t hear you having experienced that. The result of that is, indeed, a hole; it\u2019s a gap; it\u2019s a deficit\u2014that you have to decide how you\u2019re going to fill that hole\/patch that hole\u2014deal with that hole, going forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow have you been tempted to deal with those holes\/those gaps that you experienced as you looked at your friends\u2019 families and saw what normal was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>The first hole was identity: \u201cIs there something wrong with me? Do I need to fix myself? Do I need to be a different person? Do I need to go do these things?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a lot of talk, growing up, of measuring me and my failings, as the youngest, to my siblings. That turned to, in high school\u2014whether it would be alcohol\/drugs\u2014I just wanted to be <em>noticed<\/em> by my dad. I thought, \u201cIf I do something wrong and he comes and disciplines me\u2026\u201d \/ \u201cIf he gets called to address some things that I\u2019ve done wrong\u2026\u201d\u2014him addressing my disobedience\u2014at least, I\u2019m being noticed by him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That happened when you were 15; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell everybody what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was in ninth grade. I had gotten caught for drinking with my friends. My mom, on the way home from church\u2014she was at church\/at choir practice, and she was sharing with her friends how thankful she was that I was abstaining and not giving in to peer pressure and doing things I shouldn\u2019t. Somebody approached her, after choir, and said, \u201cI think you need to sit down with Jonathan and talk to him, because he\u2019s telling you a very different story than what I\u2019ve heard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe comes and gets me out of youth [group] and says: \u201cGet in the car. We\u2019re going home.\u201d It was the most silent car ride, so we didn\u2019t say anything. We got home, and I told her everything that happened. She said, \u201cYou have to call your dad.\u201d I was <em>terrified<\/em>. There had been some things, earlier in childhood, that made me terrified of angering him. I called him, and I had to tell him what was going on and what I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cWell, I can\u2019t say I\u2019m not disappointed. I just wish you would have done it with me first.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cgone drinking with me\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; there was no punishment; there was no lecture\u2014he just kind of hung up. I just remember feeling, \u201cDo I not have that value to you?\u2014to be disciplined\u2014to correct\u2014to protect?\u201d Because it\u2019s just like the commandments with the Lord. When He puts laws on us\/when He tells us what to do, it\u2019s not because He\u2019s trying to restrict us; it\u2019s because we are <em>valuable<\/em> to Him. If you have a guitar\/if you have a very nice possession, you don\u2019t let anybody handle it. You put restrictions on how it is handled. I felt like, in that moment, there was just <em>no<\/em> concern for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We need to create a context for all of this. Your dad moved out when you were eight years old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You and your siblings and your mom moved into a small apartment; money was now tight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour dad came back, awhile later\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; he came back, and we were very excited. We thought life was returning to normal. We actually\u2014my sister carved this wooden headstone and wrote my dad\u2019s name on it. We went in the woods and nailed this tombstone to a tree. It was this symbolic act, as a family, that his old life was now gone\u2014that this was his new direction, as a dad. He had started to come back to church and doing all this stuff; and we thought: \u201cThis is it! We\u2019re on the uphill.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How much time had passed from the time he left to the time he came back with this apparent renewal?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Maybe six months to a year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, when he came back\u2014when the headstone was planted, when you think things are going to be returning now to how it\u2019s supposed to be: there are two cars in the driveway again and his toothbrush is in the bathroom now\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014tension started to re-emerge in the relationship pretty quickly?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if it was quickly. You know, when you look back, this long ago, it\u2019s hard to see the positives that stick out. I know, when he came back, we experienced one Christmas at my grandma\u2019s house in South Carolina, where he came with us to Christmas again. That was the last time that his Christmas stocking was hanging from the mantel, so I was in fifth grade at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were speaking about presence earlier, Dennis. My dad was always great at giving gifts, and surprising us, and doing these things. I just love the word-play there that exists in the role of a parent. A parent can give presents; but if a parent doesn\u2019t have presence, the former presents don\u2019t make any\u2014they\u2019re not important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to go back for a moment to the wooden tombstone to symbolize his coming home\u2014that a new era was in place. Did you go with your sister to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Oh, we <em>all<\/em> were there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; we all walked in the woods together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What do you remember feeling as that was occurring?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was excited. It was almost like that was the gift I really wanted: \u201cThis is <em>really<\/em> happening.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Hope was renewed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Hope; life; and I would say what I craved most, as a kid, was normalcy. Now, I am not the oddball in my class. It was very public what was happening in my family, and I was probably one of two kids in my class that had a family like that. I felt very different; I felt like I couldn\u2019t relate. I remember a teacher taking me just by the hand, after school one day, and saying, \u201cYou realize the things you are wrestling with are things that your friends probably will never have to think about in their lifetime?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, that kind of hope\u2014where you\u2019re also waiting for the shoe to drop\u2014I would say that is where it started for me. That return, that then meant nothing, has now shaped my <em>entire<\/em> life on how I view positive situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mention in your book that you had a desire for your dad to show up in armor\/in battle gear to protect you, and your mom, and your family and to do battle on behalf of you all. I don\u2019t have a category for that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014I mean, that you didn\u2019t get the armor-bearer; but instead, were disappointed yet again. How did you process that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I think I just thought I was making a bigger deal of it than it actually was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd maybe how I was being affected\u2014why I was so sad\/why I was angry\u2014I was actually, probably, hopeless, thinking, \u201cThis happened; but then, now he\u2019s gone again.\u201d The things that were said to me\u2014you know, it was just kind of: \u201cHey, we have to keep going. We have to move on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You did what a lot of kids do in this situation; and that is, you assumed: \u201cThe problem must be me. There\u2019s something wrong here. Maybe the reason my dad doesn\u2019t want to be around is because I\u2019m defective. Maybe the reason all of this is happening is because I\u2019m overreacting.\u201d Instead of thinking, \u201cI\u2019m in a broken world, and this is not how life\u2019s supposed to be,\u201d you were thinking, \u201cI guess I\u2019m the problem.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen did you become aware, the second time, that your dad wasn\u2019t staying around? Did you just show up and he was gone?\u2014or were you aware that Dad was going to leave tomorrow, or next week, or something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>My mom told me. I remember she was washing dishes at the sink, and she told me that it was over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember this vividly\u2014of tugging her hand and just being like: \u201cWhy? No! Again? This is happening again? No! This isn\u2019t going to happen!\u201d I was confused: \u201cDidn\u2019t we move into this house\u2014didn\u2019t we come back here for things to be okay?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut up to this point\u2014here\u2019s what\u2019s crazy about that. By the time I was tugging her hand, there were several instances where things had gotten out of hand. There was one night, where my dad just was really upset about something; and so we had to go over to the neighbors\u2019 house and not be there when he visited. There were some times, where my mom\u2019s things were tossed out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting to think that, as a kid, even though you see those things, you\u2019d rather keep the presence, and keep the tension, and keep the whatever <em>that<\/em> is as long as you\u2019re not ostracized again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014as long as there\u2019s not a physical representation of: \u201cI\u2019m different,\u201d \u201cNow I <em>know<\/em> that you really don\u2019t care, because you\u2019re not here.\u201d If you\u2019re here and you\u2019re just engaging with me\u2014fussing at me; saying you\u2019re disappointed in me\u2014I\u2019m still in your life, at some point, and you have to continue to revisit me every day. You have to come home to me. But if you\u2019re not here, then you can do whatever you want and say, \u201cBye.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m listening to your story of your journey; and I\u2019m thinking: \u201cMan, we have a ton of listeners, right now, who are revisiting some of their own choices; and a whole other group that were impacted\u2014adult children of divorce\u2014or some teenagers who are in a car, right now, and they\u2019re reflecting; and they\u2019re trying to sort out all of what they\u2019re thinking.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you were talking, I was going\u2014you know, we\u2019ve said, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> that divorce is not a solution; it\u2019s an exchange of problems. A lot of people, I think, do get a divorce for the purpose of bringing peace to their own lives\/to their family and think that this is going to bring peace. And yet, what I hear you describing is really the aftershocks of an earthquake that didn\u2019t occur once, but twice. You\u2019re now in your 30s; it\u2019s been a long time, but the aftershocks continue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>The aftershocks of being left and being abandoned are very different than the aftershocks of being completely forgotten about and not even talked to. I think there is an aftershock of: \u201cHey, my dad\u2019s not here. I\u2019m visiting him on the weekends,\u201d \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to wherever; and having weekends and experiences with him.\u201d He\u2019s still in my life, at some point\/to some degree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a different kind of wrestling that happens with <em>that<\/em> than the wrestling that occurs when he just <em>refuses<\/em> to speak to you and just communicates that level of value: \u201cYou are of so little value to me that, not only am I not in your life, I don\u2019t even want to talk to\u00a0 you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if there are people listening that have that going on, but I would say there is a different pain that comes from being <em>left<\/em> than the pain that comes with being completely forgotten about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, from the time your dad moved out the second time\u2014when you were 11 through the time you were in high school and into early college\u2014you had regular interaction with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; we had a <em>great<\/em> relationship, whatever that could be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would visit him. He would come to some football games; he would experience some of my life. I would take friends to see him. But then, when I was a freshman in college, that was the last time I spoke to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s been 14 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Fourteen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019ll talk more about that story and hear how that came about; but I have a profound sadness that I feel for you, as a man. You\u2019re now married\u2014have a wife, named Katherine\u2014have to be thinking about your own family, if God blesses, can start having children\u2014the responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t help but think, Bob, of our interview with Josh McDowell\u2014how he decided to take the wounds\u2014you call them holes, but he called them wounds\u2014that his father had inflicted upon him, and he decided he was going to be a different man. He was going to face forward and continue to grow around the stuff that he saw in the rearview mirror. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe decided he was going to face forward and make a better impact on his wife\/his family, going forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to believe, Bob, we\u2019re talking to people today who are also at a pivot point. Will they look forward and do the right thing?\u2014or will they continue looking out the rearview mirror at what never was and perhaps what never will be?\u2014not to diminish that in any way\u2014but to live by faith and ask God to use them and use these wounds to help other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And part of looking forward may involve stepping back into the pain of the past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014which, Jonathan, is what you\u2019ve done. Writing this book took you back into the process, emotionally and theologically, what you went through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think somebody can fully look forward until they\u2019ve wrestled with and come to some conclusions\u2014maybe not final conclusions\u2014but done some processing around the pains that those holes in your life can leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can imagine a lot of people will get a copy of your book, <em>Left<\/em>, and read it and go: \u201cThis is my story. I\u2019ve experienced this as well,\u201d\u2014whether they\u2019re men or women\/whether it was a mom or a dad who left\u2014but that sense of estrangement is profound in our lives, as adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I would just encourage the listener, who does do that\u2014get the book\u2014that perhaps they think about maybe forming a small group that might meet for three months, six months, or a year with others who have maybe experienced something similar. I think these kind of wounds really demand that we do it in community\u2014a community of faith\u2014someone who can offer hope at the right moment but, also, offer salve and comfort for those wounds as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; Jonathan\u2019s book is called <em>Left,<\/em> and the subtitle is<em> The Struggle to Make Sense of Life When a Parent Leaves<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go, online, to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. So again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; the phone number: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. And the title of the book by Jonathan Edwards is <em>Left: The Struggle to Make Sense of Life When a Parent Leaves<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for all of us, as husbands and wives, when we hear a story like this, we\u2019re reminded of the fact that our marriage matters, not just to us, but it matters to our kids; it matters to our community; it matters in our culture. We need to be doing everything we can to invest in the strength and health of our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we get sideways one another, when there\u2019s anger, or when there are challenges in our marriage, we need to address those and work to find reconciliation, and peace, and to come back together as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we\u2019re doing, here at the start of the new year, is encouraging couples to begin a habit that will help build a stronger bond between the two of you. That\u2019s the habit of praying together daily. Our team has put together a series of daily prayer prompts\u2014seven days of emails that we\u2019ll send to you\u2014that will give you a little nudge to pray together and help direct you with some things to pray about, as a couple\/some Scripture to talk about. The whole thing may take two or three minutes; but listen, you\u2019ll be amazed at how that two or three minutes together in your relationship connects the two of you as it connects both of you with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to send these prayer prompts out to you. All you have to do is sign up\u2014give us your email address. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that says \u201cBetter Together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll get you started getting your prayer prompts and helping you build a new discipline\/a new habit in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back, again, tomorrow when Jonathan Edwards will be here again to talk about the impact that his father leaving had on him, as a young man, growing up. In fact, we\u2019ll hear about the reunion that took place when you were in college that did not go particularly well. I hope you can be here for all of that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300013","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300013"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300013"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300013"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300013"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}