{"id":300011,"date":"2019-01-09T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-09T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/who-does-god-say-you-are\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:13","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:13","slug":"who-does-god-say-you-are","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/who-does-god-say-you-are\/","title":{"rendered":"Who Does God Say You Are?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Phillip Bethancourt tells how he and his wife intentionally shape their children&#8217;s identity through the three c&#8217;s. Bethancourt also shares how their family is setting boundaries for the use of technology.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-09.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:56","filesize":"24.66M","filesize_raw":"25862443","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[4027,2209,4026,4028,4029],"podcast_series":[7159],"cwp_profile":[8796],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300011","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-bringing-your-children-to-christ","tag-parenting","tag-sharing-the-gospel-with-your-children","tag-sharing-wisdom-with-your-children","tag-thinking-biblically","podcast_series-christ-centered-parenting","cwp_profile-phillip-bethancourt","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300011\/who-does-god-say-you-are","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300011\/who-does-god-say-you-are","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"QKxx1fO9Bp\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/who-does-god-say-you-are\/\">Who Does God Say You Are?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/who-does-god-say-you-are\/embed\/#?secret=QKxx1fO9Bp\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Who Does God Say You Are?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"QKxx1fO9Bp\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Phillip Bethancourt tells how he and his wife intentionally shape their children's identity through the three c's. Bethancourt also shares how their family is setting boundaries for the use of technology.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, January 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How are your kids figuring out who they are and what they are good at? Where is the information coming from? We\u2019ll talk today about how we, as parents, can help guide our children as they seek to establish their identity. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. When you and Barbara sat down to write the book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, one of the issues that you felt was fundamental for parents to understand and address with their children was the issue of a child\u2019s identity\u2014which is not something that, if you sat down and asked a group of parents, \u201cWhat do you need help with?\u201d\u2014identity is probably not something that a parent would say, \u201cThat\u2019s what we\u2019re wrestling with right now.\u201d It\u2019s a little more ethereal than the day to day that parents find themselves in. Why did you think this was so important? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, because when we first did the research for the book, back in 1990, I came up with one of the themes in the Scripture that I felt like parents needed to be imbedding in their children\u2014was this issue of identity: spiritual identity, knowing who they are and whose they are; second, sexual identity\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014at that point, it kind of seemed like a side issue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Fast-forward 28 years\u2014all of a sudden, this whole issue of sexual identity\/gender identity, and who your child thinks he is, is front and center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have a guest with us on the broadcast, Phillip Bethancourt, who has written a book called <em>Christ-Centered Parenting<\/em>, along with Russell Moore. He also agrees that\u2019s a big subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> It\u2019s huge. In fact, last year for Christmas, one of the most fun gifts we\u2019ve ever given our boys for Christmas is\u2014we got them walkie-talkies. We love to send our boys outside to play. To be honest with you\u2014it\u2019s a safe space on the broadcast\u2014part of the reason we gave it to them was because we didn\u2019t want to walk down to find them anymore. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we did, when they got walkie-talkies, is every one of them had to come up with their own codename for communication. The nine-year-old decided\u2014he loves to read, so he was going to be Bookworm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the eight-year-old selected the codename Double Eagle, and the six-year-old is Lion Blaze. My wife is Yellow Rose; and as an Aggie, I\u2019m Gig \u2018Em. You\u2019ll often hear walkie-talkie chatter amongst us: \u201cBoys, this is Gig \u2018Em. Do you copy?\u201d \u201cYes, Dad. Over.\u201d \u201cDouble Eagle and Lion Blaze, I need you to come back to the mess hall. It\u2019s time for chow.\u201d We\u2019ll just have those kinds of dynamics all along. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I was thinking about this issue of identity, preparing this chapter for the <em>Christ-Centered Parenting<\/em> curriculum, what I recognized is\u2014so often, that\u2019s the temptation for every child\u2014that you can choose your identity in the same way they can pick a name for yourself on the walkie-talkie. I can fashion who I perceive myself to be in any way I want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe challenge for parents is\u2014we live in a culture that wants to empower that instinct. If we are seeding the ground over to the culture, then, our children will find their identity in other things rather than finding it in the gospel, where God designs them to find it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Phillip, you are the Executive Vice President of the ERLC, which is the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys are tackling the main issues that you see Christians struggling with today. Increasingly, I\u2019m watching the conferences you do, the books you\u2019re writing, the video training pack\u2014like you\u2019ve come up with here\u2014I see you guys tackling this front and center. This is a major issue in our culture. If we don\u2019t help our kids define themselves, biblically, the culture is going to do it for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Sure; identity is a root issue. So many of the cultural challenges that we find today\u2014whether it\u2019s racial division, or addressing issues related to gender identity and sexuality, or even equipping our kids on how to navigate those with special needs that are different than them\u2014I remember our six-year-old came home the other day. He said, \u201cMom, I just nominated Thomas in my class for Character Award in our school.\u201d She said: \u201cOh, that\u2019s great. Why did you do that?\u201d He said, \u201cWell, because when I come into class, he always greets me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you wouldn\u2019t think, necessarily, that\u2019s anything worth giving a Character Award to until you know that Thomas is a special needs child, who is very limited in what he can do. What he said\u2014is he said: \u201cYes; when he comes out to recess, sometimes, he plays football with us. He can snap the ball pretty good, even though he can\u2019t do much of anything else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just really gripped us when we heard him say that, because he\u2019s recognizing these identity issues that are so imbedded in the way that God\u2019s designed the world\u2014understanding who he is; understanding how others are different; and wanting to recognize the identity, and value, and dignity of others, even in a broken world, where sometimes there are special needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Phillip, for years, moms and dads have said to their kids, \u201cYou can be whatever you want to be\u201d; right? We\u2019ve tried to cast a vision with our kids that the sky\u2019s the limit; and the truth is\u2014you can\u2019t be whoever you want to be. I mean, I might want to be the starting center for the New York Knicks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s <em>never<\/em> going to happen; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You always wanted to be Elvis. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s clear\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> There is still hope for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s clear I could have a retirement career as an Elvis impersonator in Branson\u2014that may happen\u2014but I\u2019m never going to start for the New York Knicks. Now, here\u2019s the thing. Rather than saying to our kids, \u201cYou can be whoever you want to be,\u201d the question ought to be: \u201cWho did God make you to be? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWho does <em>God<\/em> say you are?\u201d\u2014and then\u2014\u201cSince you are His workmanship, created for good works that He prepared beforehand that you should walk in them,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s Ephesians 2:10\u2014our job, as parents, is to help our kids understand: \u201cWho has God created you to be?\u201d \u201cWhat are the good works He\u2019s marked out for you?\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s get after it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> I\u2019m a former future starting quarterback for the Texas A&amp;M Aggies in the same way that you are a New York Knicks center to-be. [Laughter] It didn\u2019t happen for me, just like it didn\u2019t happen for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of what it looks like is: \u201cHow do you cultivate instincts and aspirations in your kids that honor the Lord?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou ask a child, like my three-year-old, \u201cWhat do you want to be when you grow up?\u201d What\u2019s he going to say?\u2014\u201c\u2026a firefighter,\u201d \u201c\u2026a policeman,\u201d \u201c\u2026a doctor,\u201d\u2014other things like that. As a teenager grows older, they might talk about their desire for success, or achievement, or fame\u2014those types of things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the home, one of the real practical things that we do to try to set identity is to think intentionally about how we set up the space in our home. If you think about just the average American home, it\u2019s primarily built around the concept of <em>consumption<\/em>. Our kitchen is centered around where we consume the food. Our living rooms are centered around the television, where we consume media. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of centering it around consumption, one of the ways that we try to shape identity in our home is\u2014instead by centering our home\/the space in three different categories, we want to help our children find a place to connect. We try to set the environment in our home in a way that fosters interaction and connection with them to develop the relationships amongst our family that will help to shape their identity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Is there a TV\u2014is there a TV in that room? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> There is a TV, but it\u2019s got the ability to be closed off. It\u2019s against the wall, and not all the furniture is zeroed in and focused on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what is the interaction space look like if I walked into your room? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the secret for all the parents of young kids. I\u2019ve found\u2014if you can create an environment in your living room space where a child can run a lap around your furniture, the possibilities are endless\u2014chase. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014without breaking anything. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Exactly\u2014just all sorts of things like that. So, just the little things of how we shape it. Then, we keep our\u2014the books in our home prominently featured. They\u2019re not tucked away, and we try to model that as a priority for them\u2014just different ways to foster those connections and interactions. That\u2019s the first category. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second one is we want it to be a place where they create. We don\u2019t want them just consuming, but we want them to create\u2014whether that\u2019s coloring, that\u2019s writing, that\u2019s doing sidewalk chalk\u2014whatever it is\u2014building Legos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014all of those things to foster that creative instinct that God is going to use in some expression later on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the last one is to compete. By compete, I don\u2019t mean the kind of sibling rivalry competition. I mean to challenge each other\/to sharpen each other\u2014to have contests with one another that are going to spur each other on to greater excellence and ambition that can be channeled in a godly way in the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Our daughter has actually gone ahead of you in creating space for being creative. You mentioned Legos. You can visit their house\u2014they have seven boys\u2014there are Legos in every room in the house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let\u2019s talk about the identity issue around mental health. I noticed that you had a section in your book on that. I was really pleased that you did; because I think the whole emotional side of raising kids, a lot of times, gets the leftovers or waits until there is a major crisis to address. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> You nailed it. That\u2019s such a key issue that most parents don\u2019t even realize their kids are wrestling with. One of the reasons that it\u2019s such a challenge for many of them is the social media age that we live in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey see greener grass everywhere else but in their own hearts. They start to compare each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we talk about in the book is the way that, when children seek to find their identity, they are going to do it in one of three places. They are going to do it from their friends\u2014in other words, their peers\u2014and the peer pressure they face; or they\u2019re going to do it from their followers\u2014in terms of where they find success and affirmation and find their identity in that accomplishment; or they\u2019re going to find it from their faith. We want to be the type of people that root that in their faith, and that comes with this issue of mental health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are children of parents, listening right now on this broadcast, who are wrestling with self-esteem issues\u2014they\u2019re doubting their significance. They may even be overwhelmed by depression or, God forbid, having suicidal thoughts. That should be something that, for parents, sobers us to the responsibility that we have to shape their identity. Part of what we\u2019re trying to do is shepherd the emotional health of our children through the adolescent development that God is taking them on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just as we, as human beings, have physical limitations that you may notice about in your child\u2014may not be athletic; he may not be musical in terms of the ability there\u2014but children can also have emotional limitations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I don\u2019t think is being spoken to enough is helping parents know how to identify some of the early signs of these emotional weaknesses\/limitations\u2014whatever you want to call them\u2014but it may be a propensity toward depression. Rather than shaming the child for that, instead, begin to think proactively about constructing a faith-response in your child to know how to deal with this\u2014not to over-simplify it because there may be a need to visit a doctor on some of these matters\u2014but to speak to that whole arena of beginning to address the emotional limitations in your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> One of our boys\u2019 best friend on the street is a boy that has some emotional and developmental challenges. They\u2019ve loved to get to know him over the years and to play with him. One of the things his parents appreciate so much about our kids is he\u2019s treated just like one of them. He\u2019s no different than anybody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t matter what situation a parent finds their child in when it comes to their emotional development. Parents need to recognize the stewardship they have to be students of their children and to observe the patterns, and the tendencies, and trajectories that they notice when it comes to emotional responses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome kids are going to wrestle with anger issues that burn hot with rage; others are going to wrestle with anger issues that burn cold with bitterness\u2014it could manifest itself in different ways. You need to know that about your child, and you need to observe the tendency toward melancholy or discouragement that may come up so that, as you\u2019re creating an intentional parenting strategy, you can find ways to shape the kid in a way that honors God in their emotional life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things that is functioning to shape a child\u2019s identity in our day is their interaction with technology. We didn\u2019t have this when I was kid, growing up. I mean, we had technology\u2014it was the radio or the television\u2014that was it. Kids today are learning how to relate to themselves and to others in a disembodied, electronic atmosphere that changes the way they understand who they are and what relationships are all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, whenever you are talking on the subject of parenting, the technology issues are the ones that are front and center for a lot of parents; aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> It sure is. In fact, I remember, a few months ago, one of my friends was up at Fenway and went to watch a Red Sox game. He put up a picture on Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of his family smiling, and happy, and content. I saw him not long after\u2014I said, \u201cIt looked like you all had a great time at the game.\u201d He said, \u201cYes; we did whenever we took that picture.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat he went on to share was the rest of the story that didn\u2019t make it on social media, which was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in a later inning, their kid began to get sick and threw up all over the person sitting in the aisle right in front of them. What happened was the person did not noticed what happened, because it kind of\u2014it was a glancing blow. They wrestled with: \u201cShould we tell them? Should we not? What should we do?\u201d It ended up destroying the whole rest of the evening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNobody else would have known that based on what they put out there on social media. Yet, that\u2019s the age that we live in\u2014one where technology and social media allows us to present an image of ourselves that often doesn\u2019t match the messy reality of life, especially when it comes to children and the family. Part of what we need to do\u2014bridging this divide between identity and technology and bringing those together\u2014is understanding the way that technology can show off and then shape the identity of our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> <em>The Wall Street Journal<\/em> recently ran an article that said, \u201cOne in four young people under the age of eighteen have received a sext,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that is a sexually-explicit photo sent to them by a friend. \u201cFifteen percent\u201d\u2014it went on to say\u2014\u201chave sent pictures of either themselves or others.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe article was a chilling article, because it talked about how parents need to step into this. I know you\u2019re not there yet with your kids, but you soon will be. What are you going to say to your kids, now, in preparation for dealing with this issue of nude pictures being sent that are, not only not welcomed, but are invading their personal privacy? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> When I was driving to work, not long ago, I passed by the bus stop, where a bunch of the high school students were waiting to get on the bus. Every single one of them was staring at a phone. I remember, when I was growing up, what it was like on the bus stop\u2014it was a bunch of horsing around and joking, and there was nothing to do; you were just killing time. They [young people today] are totally disengaged. They are living their life through a screen, and that\u2019s what is increasingly common for kids in our day and culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is what precipitates this conversation about sexting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSexting comes at the intersection of two key issues that are united together when this occurs. One is the pornography epidemic that we have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Then, one is this tendency to drop boundaries that the Lord has intended for us to protect. Part of what it means to help our children be shepherded through this is to not wait until that picture shows up on their device and hope they say something to you about it in the first place. It\u2019s to be having those conversations about pornography beforehand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, over time, when opportunity rises, to explain: \u201cNow, listen, this may not just happen by someone else out there. There might be kids in your own school that are sending these back and forth. Here is why that is an issue...\u201d \/ \u201cHere\u2019s why\u2014once that picture goes out there, you can never get it back. You don\u2019t know where its final resting place is going to be,\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s why you should honoring God with your body and protecting your intimacy\u2026\u201d If you provide those building blocks, those are going to be the best tools to be able to provide a pathway for our kids to resist that temptation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your oldest is nine; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, he\u2019s been online; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does he have his own computer? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> He does not. That\u2019s one of the things that every family has to do\u2014is identify: \u201cHow is technology going to function in our home?\u201d What tends to happen is\u2014parents accidentally find themselves in a pattern of technology use where: \u201cOh, it was easier when they were younger; so we just let them have the iPad<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; and they\u2019d do that.\u201d They don\u2019t see where this is leading. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think Colossians 2:20 and following can be really instructive when we\u2019re thinking about boundaries and technology. If you remember, that\u2019s where Paul is writing about how, in the culture\u2014what it will tell you is: \u201c\u2019Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!\u2019\u201d He says in Colossians 2:23: \u201cThese things all have the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and are based on severe treatment of the body\u2026\u201d\u2014but notice what he says\u2014\u201c\u2026they are of no value against fleshly indulgence.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we need to recognize, when it comes to boundaries and technology, is boundaries can be helpful; but they are not sufficient. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that parents often hope for is: \u201cIf I set the right boundaries and regulations in my home, that can help protect my children from sin through technology.\u201d What they want to do is outsource to regulations what can only be accomplished through relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been talking about all these lessons you\u2019ve learned in raising kids. You and Russell Moore put the book together. I just want to know: \u201cIn reality, how much of this stuff is really your wife, Cami?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> It\u2019s so true! She has <em>amazing<\/em> wisdom. When we had three sons, and we got hit with the fourth one, everybody assumed she was ready for a girl. She said: \u201cNo, I want another boy. I know what they are like. I know how they operate. I\u2019ve got all the stuff for them.\u201d [Laughter] I know there are many of the guys listening on this broadcast that can attest to the wisdom of their wife in shaping these types of things in the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, how have you embraced and invited her into the process <em>with you<\/em> of raising these kids? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of guys don\u2019t know how to maximize a very talented\u2014in fact, far more talented and intuitive than we are, as men, who are outside the home for eight to ten hours a day because of our work. They are making these observations and coming to conclusions that we need to heed, and we need to listen to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> As a young dad, I\u2019ve put together a lot of IKEA furniture\u2014you know, it comes with the instructions, and it\u2019s got the Allen wrench. You follow those things, and it\u2019s kind of one-size fits all furniture that can be used in any context. There\u2019s no customization to it that is specific to your home. Often, for men, especially, they can be tempted to take a one-size fits all approach to raising their children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways that my wife has been so helpful is showing me and helping me to recognize and adapt to the distinctives of the different boys in our home. Our oldest is\u2014we call him, like I mentioned earlier, the Bookworm. He is the intelligent one. Our second one is an engineer\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he loves to tinker with things. The third one is our sports guy\u2014we call him the Jock. Our fourth one\u2014he is like the mayor. He loves to greet everybody and is a social butterfly. If I try to parent one as if they have the instincts and proclivities of another, I\u2019m going to miss that opportunity. Cami has been so helpful in shaping the atmosphere of our home so that we can have that intentionality with each one of them in an individual way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, here is the charge to all the guys, who are listening to our broadcast: \u201cIf you have the title of Dad\u2014and your kids are young or older; maybe, they\u2019ve even left the house and you\u2019re an empty-nester\u2014I want you to go home tonight, at the end of the workday, take your wife\u2019s face in both of your hands, and gently cradle it\u2014don\u2019t squeeze to tightly, guys; just be gentle\u2014look her in the eyes and say, \u2018I thank God for you.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI recently did that with Barbara. My only regret is I didn\u2019t do it enough when we were in the child-bearing\/child-rearing years and had six rug-rats running around our house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a reason why you buy IKEA furniture for seven boys. [Laughter] You want something that, when it\u2019s destroyed, it\u2019ll be worthless. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I appreciate you, Phillip. Thanks for your work on this book, and I just am grateful you\u2019re in the battle for today\u2019s families. I think it\u2019s the right battle for the day. Thanks for being on the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never been to IKEA. I\u2019m just sitting here: \u201cIs this something I need to make a priority?\u201d I\u2019m having a little fear of missing out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> Oh, you\u2019re totally missing out. It\u2019s like hundreds of thousands of space worth of furniture all over the place. You\u2019ll find everything you want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard it described, and it sounds cool; but I\u2019ve just never been. I need to make it a priority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to get letters from some managers of IKEA. [Laughter] I think it is good furniture\u2014it\u2019s alright; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Phillip:<\/strong> It\u2019s great for furniture; it\u2019s bad for parenting [in the one-size-fits all way]\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s all we\u2019re saying. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s good for parenting\u2026\u201d and we\u2019ve got copies of it here in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. It\u2019s the video series called <em>Christ-Centered Parenting<\/em>. You can find out more\/order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been through FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series, this is a <em>great<\/em> follow-up to that. If you haven\u2019t been through the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, I would suggest <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> first, and this as a follow-up. But it may be that the issues that you guys are addressing, Phillip, in your series\u2014gender issues, depression, anxiety, pornography, addiction, singleness, dating, marriage, divorce\u2014I mean, if you\u2019re parenting teens, you might want to get right into those issues and then loop back around and do the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> after you\u2019ve been through <em>Christ-Centered Parenting<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, find out about both series when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order by phone or if you have any questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have had a lot of our listeners, who\u2019ve gotten in touch with us this week. They heard us talking about the \u201cBetter Together\u201d prayer prompts that we are sending out this week. It\u2019s a seven-day prayer experience for couples, where we\u2019ll send you an email each day. You can sign up for both you and your spouse. Both of you get the prayer prompt and then find two minutes in your day\u2014at the beginning of the day\/at the end of the day, whichever works better for you\u2014and open the email and let it guide you into praying together, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think that\u2019s a great habit to be developing, and we want to help you develop it. All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link for the prayer prompts by email. Give us your email address, and we\u2019ll start sending those to you immediately. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStart a new habit in 2019 and start praying together regularly. Let us help you get going; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also hope you\u2019ll be back with us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about the impact on a child\u2019s life when mom or dad says: \u201cI don\u2019t want to be married anymore. I want out.\u201d That\u2019s what Jonathan Edwards experienced when he was a child, and he\u2019s written about it. We\u2019ll talk to him tomorrow and hear his story. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300011"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300011"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300011"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300011"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}