{"id":300001,"date":"2019-01-02T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-02T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/relating-dating-and-marrying\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:13","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:13","slug":"relating-dating-and-marrying","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relating-dating-and-marrying\/","title":{"rendered":"Relating, Dating, and Marrying"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Steve and Holly Crain | Steve and Holly Crain&#8217;s greatest passion is ministering to single adults in their home church, First Baptist of Houston, Texas. The Crains give insight into a single person&#8217;s day-to-day world, and encourage parents to help their sons understand that the goal of dating is marriage, which requires them to be self-sacrificing. They also give some of the reasons singles fear marriage, and some of the mistakes singles make along their dating journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Steve and Holly Crain&#8217;s greatest passion is ministering to single adults in their home church. They give some of the reasons singles fear marriage, and some of the mistakes singles make along their dating journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Steve and Holly Crain give some of the reasons singles fear marriage, and some of the mistakes singles make along their dating journey.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.81M","filesize_raw":"23915381","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2821],"tags":[4016,4018,4017,2926],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[8795],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300001","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-reaching-out","tag-connecting-with-church","tag-dating","tag-fear-of-marriage","tag-singles","cwp_profile-steve-and-holly-crain","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300001\/relating-dating-and-marrying","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300001\/relating-dating-and-marrying","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ILwE7ggtVo\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relating-dating-and-marrying\/\">Relating, Dating, and Marrying<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relating-dating-and-marrying\/embed\/#?secret=ILwE7ggtVo\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Relating, Dating, and Marrying&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ILwE7ggtVo\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, January 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. When was the last time that you had single adults joining your family in your home? When was the last time you reached out and included them? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve got some folks, who are pretty passionate about what we\u2019re talking about; don\u2019t we?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We do. We have some people, who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who are passionate about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and our message here. I\u2019ll tell you who they are\u2014they are single people\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because they\u2019re looking for hope.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are looking for <em>real<\/em> family life. They want to know how to do relationships God\u2019s way, and they are finding that they can count on this broadcast to steer them in the direction of Scripture of how they need to establish a relationship with the opposite sex and venture in to what is a great adventure\u2014filled with risks\/filled with dangers\u2014but it is one of the most rewarding relationships on the planet. In fact, I\u2019m thinking back\u2014\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cSo what would be more rewarding?\u201d And I\u2019m not thinking of one that is better than Barbara.\n\nSo, let me just introduce our guests to you. Steve and Holly Crain join us.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad you guys are here. Married in 1997\u2014they live in Houston and have four children. They have a workshop that we\u2019re going to talk about today\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a workshop for singles called <em>Relating, Dating &amp; Marrying<\/em>. So, where do you start in your workshop, Steve?\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Well, on a retreat\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u2014on a retreat.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014I was asked to speak. I said, \u201cWhat topic?\u201d They said, \u201cAnything you want.\u201d I said, \u201cI want to speak on relating, dating, and marrying.\u201d We didn\u2019t know how it would go over, because <em>nothing<\/em> like that was being done.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were already married.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I was already married.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u2014married; yes. Steve was one of the breakout speakers. We had hundreds on the retreat. It was during their free time; and hundreds showed up to hear what Steve had to say about relating, dating, and marrying. That\u2019s when he pulled out a football and did a Vince Lombardi\u2014said, \u201cThis is a football.\u201d\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\nInstead of that, he said\u2014he took the dry erase marker\u2014he said, \u201cThis is a man; this is a woman.\u201d The whole audience just burst out in laughter.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014I think in nervous tension.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They were glad somebody was finally broaching this subject.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were pointing out that there is a difference\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014between man and woman.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> We\u2019re going back to the beginning!\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Going back to the basics.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They wanted it.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes; it was just kind of a release of that tension. Steve finished and finished well. We started talking about biblical truths about what God\u2019s Word says. We got back home, and the singles minister put a note out to all the directors\u2014he said: \u201cIf you\u2019d like Steve to come and speak in your class, then let us know. He\u2019s going to do\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a big church too.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Big church\u2014we had 18 singles classes. He had almost a full year teaching, twice in each class. It set it off.\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> It was at that point we knew we were on to something.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> They were hungry.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They were <em>starving<\/em>. We were scratching an itch that they had, and they were hungry for it. We decided to set up a six-week seminar on Wednesday nights. What I did was\u2014I got other mentor couples\u2014a lot of couples who had helped us in our premarital preparation programs and things. I would\u2014each night, I would feature one of them. I would speak\u2014I did the first night\/the last night\u2014but then I would feature one.\n\nThen I stole something that I saw, two years ago, from a man named Bob Lepine at one of the conferences\u2014[Laughter]\u2014he had this bistro table, where he interviews. I would have the couple up there. I would just let them tell how they met\u2014just like you guys were doing\u2014how they met: \u201cWas it easy?\u201d Then, all along the way, we\u2019re asking the participants to ask questions, you know, on cards; so we can screen them.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\nThe first night, we have this one couple\u2014they\u2019ll speak on 1 Corinthians 13 or have different things. We let them explain that: \u201cWell, we knew each other\u2014we were just out of high school.\u201d One of them was\u2014knew each other since 8<sup>th<\/sup> grade\u2014they said, \u201cWe didn\u2019t know <em>anything<\/em> when we got married.\u201d Anyway, it encourages them to <em>see<\/em> what it was <em>really<\/em> like to meet and fall in love with someone.\n\nThen the questions at the end were very telling, because they would ask these questions\u2014example of questions\u2014and we would let these couples or myself answer them. They would see the disparity of like\u2014\u201cOh my gosh! You didn\u2019t know what he was going to do for a career, and you married him?!\u201d\u2014you know, and these different things. It began to open their eyes.\n\nI knew that we had success\/I viewed success: \u201cIf, after each talk, those couples were just surrounded by singles\u201d; and they were.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\nThey are hungry for leadership; they are hungry for guidance; they are hungry for people to be involved in their life; they are hungry for people to want to see them have success in the areas of relationships.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> They wanted to know what was real and what was counterfeit; the world was telling them a whole a lot of different messages. This was a time where the church could be the church\u2014the church could tell them what the real\/real marriages look like\u2014godly marriages look like. A lot of them weren\u2019t getting through to see what that looked like.\n\nAt the end of every session, we would release the cell phone numbers of those couples, and ours as well. People would want to stay and visit and talk; and then they\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014for hours.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u2014continued those conversations after the workshop.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Here\u2019s\u2014let me say this\u2014in one seminar I did, I put a stack of books all the way across.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\nI said, \u201cThese are the best books on marriage, and dating, and relating, and everything.\u201d I said, \u201cIf you read all these books, do you think you would have what you needed to make it?\u201d You know, of course, they didn\u2019t. That\u2019s where the church comes in\u2014it\u2019s relationship from the very beginning.\n\nWhen marriages are <em>formed<\/em> in the Bible, there were always other people involved\u2014or frequently. It wasn\u2019t like somebody went out on his own; you know? It\u2019s like: \u201cI\u2019m sending my servant to find\u2026and here is what we\u2019re looking for\u2026\u201d So, without the relationship, the knowledge is somewhat limited. We realized that we had to make the connection to those couples\/to those people, and we had to invest in their lives because families are divorced now\u2014they are broken. I\u2019ll say, \u201cWhat does your father think?\u201d \u201cWell, my father lives\u2014he\u2019s on his third wife, and my mom lives on the East Coast.\u201d They have nobody!\n\nOne of the questions that one of the girls sent in was: \u201cI\u2019ve been seeing this guy for a year.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cHe\u2019s not moving forward. What do I do?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, if I was your father, I would call the guy and say, \u2018What are your intentions with my daughter?\u2019\u201d She goes, \u201cWell, would you do that for me?\u201d\u2014I did!\n\nThese are the kinds of things that are missing\u2014they\u2019re not being advocated for. They\u2019re kind of on their own, really\u2014young adults living independently. When they ask their parents for advice, frequently, their parents say: \u201cI\u2019m not giving you any advice. I don\u2019t know what to tell you. You\u2019re on your own on that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> I think we help encourage the single adults to\u2014especially the men\/the young men\u2014like Proverbs 18:22 says\u2014\u201cHe who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.\u201d We encourage them to pursue that\u2014pursue women for marriage. A lot of times, what they\u2019re hearing from the church are some clich\u00e9 answers:\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cJust be content,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t seek it,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t make it your idol,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014this, this, and this.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019ll happen when it happens.\u201d\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019ll happen when it happens.\u201d\n\nThere\u2019s a lady in our church, and she\u2019s in her 70s. She said\u2014Steve asked her, \u201cWhy do we tell them this?\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do we tell singles this?\u201d\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> She paused and she said: \u201cI think it\u2019s because it used to be true. When a 19-year-old young woman or a 20-year-old woman would ask and be in despair about it, we knew that, within a few short months or a year or so, she would be married.\u201d\n\nYoung adults are being left alone, and there is so much loneliness in that. What Steve and I try to do is just\u2014we invite them in\/invite them into our home. Let them see our marriage\/our family. Then we just do this simple thing of putting a table cloth on the table and then just cooking a little bit of extra.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\nThey\u2014we sit with our children and these young adults. It works both ways\u2014our children get to see these amazing young adults that are articulate\u2014they are mature; they are growing in their faith\u2014and they [singles] get to see family.\n\nOur children run off and go do their homework; and then we go and have coffee and then hear from them\u2014hear what\u2019s going on in their life. We legitimize what\u2019s going on\u2014their pain and their loneliness\u2014we try to legitimize that and not dismiss it. Then we take time, and we pray for them to have a spouse.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> If who we marry is second biggest decision we make in our life, why are we not praying for it more? Why are we not giving it more focus and emphasis? If you\u2019re sick, we\u2019re going to pray for your health. If you\u2019re childless, we\u2019re going to pray for you to have a child. If you\u2019re unemployed, we pray for a job. You would be surprised\u2014ask half the young singles, \u201cDo you pray for a spouse?\u201d \u201cOh, no, no; that would be too selfish.\u201d\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m thinking: \u201cWhy do they think that\u2019s selfish? Why would that be selfish?\u201d It\u2019s like\u2014it\u2019s God intentional plan; and if it\u2019s a big decision, we should be praying about it; right?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m talking to young singles, who are saying to me, at 25 and 26\/27, \u201cWell, yes, eventually, I want to get married; but in this season of life, I\u2019m kind of enjoying the freedom that I have in this and that.\u201d So, Holly, what is the reality? What do singles, who are 27 years old, want today?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Well, when they come over to our house, and they take that wall down, they tell us that they <em>do<\/em> want to get married, especially when they get up into those older-20 ages. A lot of times, I think we tell them: \u201cJust be content,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cThis is going to happen,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t worry\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> You and I don\u2019t tell them that.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> We don\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> That\u2019s the message they feel they are getting.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Right; they hear that from people. We try to just resist the urge to give them those quick, easy answers and not be dismissive about their true situation.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes; we find that, when we listen to them and legitimize it, that it makes them feel valued; but if we dismiss it, they go home feeling just as lonely and hopeless.\n\nI heard a great speaker on the radio, not too long ago, referring back to a congress in 1975, where the great Prof, Howard Hendricks, said, \u201cUnless we have a revival of equipping the single adults, we\u2019re going to be in some kind of trouble.\u201d Then, you went on\u2014when you were doing a chapel\u2014and saying, \u201cWho would have thought this would be ground zero?\u201d But Satan, when he is ruining the families and wants to do that, what better thing than to take it on back one notch? You know, healthy families come from healthy singles. Healthy singles come from healthy families. It\u2019s just kind of a repetitive cycle.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, if a mom and a dad\u2014who are raising, maybe, a high school student\u2014\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014and they know, in two or three years, they are going to let the arrow fly; and they are going to go out into the university world\u2014maybe, to work, to service, to their calling\u2014what do they need to be focusing on to help a young man or a young lady relate to the opposite sex?\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They need to be teaching them about the Golden Rule, for one thing. We were talking to one of your workers, here, earlier\u2014and I\u2019ve had this in one of my counseling sessions\u2014I said to a young married man\u2014I said, \u201cWhat do you think the goal of marriage is?\u201d He said: \u201cIt\u2019s to make me happy. It\u2019s to fulfill me. It\u2019s to complete me.\u201d\n\nWell, part of our culture\u2014we need to be teaching them the biblical truths\u2014that it is: \u201cHusbands love your wives sacrificially.\u201d This is going to be a sacrifice; this is going to be, where you put that other person\u2014and you\u2019re willing to lay down your life for that person. Ephesians, Chapter 5, goes on and on about explaining this beautiful marriage relationship; and he says, \u201cBut what I\u2019m talking about is Christ and the church.\u201d\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nWe need to instill in them what it means to be self-sacrificing and be responsible.\n\nPurity is something that has really changed the game, I think. Years and years ago, before effective birth control, if you messed around like that, a woman got pregnant; and it showed. There was no way out of it. She held her ground and said: \u201cYou want me; I want a ring. You want me; I need some commitment. You want me; I need this.\u201d Now, we\u2019ve removed a lot of those barriers; and we\u2019re finding that singles are in this pseudo\u2014taking trips together, staying over late evenings, and perhaps, getting physically involved. What\u2019s the incentive to go ahead and step up to the plate?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How prevalent is cohabitation among singles in the church?\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think many are cohabitating; but I know, for sure, that there is a number that are having sex.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; in fact, the path today for most people\u2014now, I\u2019m just talking about the culture; I\u2019m not talking about in the church\u2014but in the culture today, the path is:\n\u201cDate for a while, start having sex, move in, have kids, get married.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cget a dog.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right! Getting married is the <em>end<\/em> of the process\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than: \u201cDate for a while, get married, move in, have sex, have kids.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Right; it\u2019s backwards.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Scott Stanley says it like: \u201cFalling into marriage.\u201d You know Scott Stanley?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> He does a video called <em>Sliding vs Deciding<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> <em>Sliding vs Deciding<\/em>\u2014just what you were saying.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> All those decisions that you could make\u2014that they feel like they have this freedom in\u2014get removed. When they get a cell phone plan together, they get a dog, and they sign a lease together or buy a house together, then, all of a sudden, their lives are entangled.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nAll those things that they thought they were going to be free of from marriage are now\u2014they\u2019re more entangled in a worse way, really.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, why aren\u2019t they just getting married in the first place? I mean, they are signing leases together and moving in together. Why don\u2019t they just say: \u201cYou know, it looks like we belong together. We should get married.\u201d What\u2019s the fear that\u2019s behind a commitment to marriage?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> I think that this generation of young adults has seen, possibly, their parents\/their friends\u2019 parents\u2014they know more people who are divorced in those situations than not. When Steve and I were growing up, we lived in completely different places; and yet, we just knew that one token family that got divorced. We didn\u2019t know any more. The young adults, now, saw all that happen; and they were part of that\u2014whether to themselves or their friends.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nThey go into it, thinking, \u201cI\u2019m fearful.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> So, how do we reintroduce this mystery to this generation? I\u2019m afraid, to the world, it may be\u2014some of them may be lost\u2014but there is always the remnant\u2014there is the church. How do we reintroduce this excitement?\u2014this mystery?\u2014this like: \u201cIt\u2019s worth waiting; it\u2019s worth making the commitment\u201d?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Part of what you guys are doing is exactly how it gets reintroduced; because I think a lot of couples, are growing up, saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got no model\/no map. What I have seen are relationships that have not done well,\u201d \u201c\u2026 husbands and wives, who have stuck together and not been one\u2014they\u2019ve been isolated,\u201d \u201c\u2026husbands and wives, who haven\u2019t stuck together.\u201d\n\nThey grow up really doubting whether, in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century, a man and a woman can commit to one another for a lifetime. They hear about things like serial monogamy and think: \u201cWell, maybe, we weren\u2019t intended to be monogamous. I mean, that\u2019s not, biologically, what we\u2019re made to be.\u201d\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nThere are all kinds of confusing messages.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a longing in their heart to be married and intimate with one person for a lifetime. Yet, the culture is sending them all kinds of mixed messages. I think part of the way that you reintroduce the wonder is\u2014you have single folks over; you model for them a healthy, strong, committed relationship; and they start to get some confidence and go: \u201cOkay, this is possible. The desire in my heart\u2014there are people who have found a way to do this,\u201d and \u201cI want to know what the roadmap is to get there.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> It still works; it still works.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does. There is one last question I want to ask both of you\u2014and I do not know how you will answer it.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay? It\u2019s my favorite question to ask people; alright? \u201cWhat\u2019s the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done in all your life?\u201d And courage is not the absence of fear\u2014it\u2019s doing your duty in the face of fear. Why are you pointing to him? [Laughter] You want him to go first?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> I want him to go first. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I will tell you\u2014I can tell you this.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\nIt was when I was 19 years old, and I was struggling with becoming a Christian. I prayed a prayer at a junior college in Burnham, Texas, under severe distress. I told the Lord that I would give Him my life completely and that He could do to me whatever needed to be done\u2014I would be willing to pay any price; but I couldn\u2019t do it on my own. I needed Him to help me; I needed Him to bring me to that point. And if I was 92, and it was the day before I died: \u201cI need You to do this for me, Lord; and I will serve You with my life, and I will never try to pretend to be anything more than what I am.\u201d I just laid it all out there, and I feel the same way today.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> For me, the most courageous moment was when I stepped back into the church. I had fallen away from my faith, and I was walking back in with a five-year-old and a newborn after my husband had left me during pregnancy.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\nWhen I walked in, I didn\u2019t know what they would say; I didn\u2019t know what they would do; I didn\u2019t know if they would have a place for me.\n\nWhat I found was God was faithful. He had a place prepared for me. He had a church ready to receive me well, and they were expecting me. They opened their arms to me. They wrapped their arms around me, and they showed me the way. They let me back in the full rights of fellowship, and that was the most courageous time for me. What happened was healing\u2014a true time of healing: spiritually, emotionally, physically. From that, I grew spiritually, and I was able to thrive and raise my family.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I hate to tag on to that, but what I\u2019ve got to say is\u2014\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014when I saw Holly, I saw a new creation in Christ. I might have had some questions in my mind; and the Lord said, \u201cSteve, who are <em>you<\/em> to judge what I have made clean and pure?\u201d I saw a true transformation.\n\nThe second scariest thing I\u2019ve ever done was come in here and talk to you guys today. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you two guys\u2014as a couple, you are heroes\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you\u2019re stepping into a ministry that, in my opinion, is one of the pioneering ministries of our day. There need to be more couples\u2014who have got imperfect marriages \/ they don\u2019t have perfect relationships\u2014but they are willing to share their journey with single people and give them hope! They need to know it can be done.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Amen!\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They really do. You guys are heroes, and you\u2019re both very courageous people. Thanks for joining us.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Thank you all.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s an honor.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, let me encourage our listeners, especially single listeners.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nGo to FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve talked about this subject on past broadcasts, and we\u2019ve got links there for their podcasts you can listen to about singleness and how to thrive during whatever season of singleness you are living in. There are books and articles\u2014other resources we\u2019ve got. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to dive deeper on this subject and to know how to thrive, as a single adult.\n\nYou know, we got a note recently from a listener, who said: \u201cIn a time when I was hopeless, and miserable, and lonely, your program helped me realize I needed a relationship with Jesus, first, in order to develop any other relationship. Jesus has poured His love over me continuously. I am so moved by Him and by His glory.\u201d\n\nWe <em>love<\/em> hearing stories like that from listeners.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\nIn fact, when we are out travelling, Dennis, you know we often will have <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, who come up to us and share with us how God has used a particular program, or something they\u2019ve heard, something you or Barbara have shared with them and how you\u2019ve helped mentor them in their marriage and in their family.\n\nWe\u2019re asking those of you, who are regular listeners, \u201cIf you\u2019ve got a story like that, would you share it with us?\u201d In fact, we\u2019d love to have you call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014this is all set up automated\u2014we\u2019ll send you to a voice mailbox\u2014but we\u2019d love to have you record your story. Take a few minutes\u2014just jot down a few thoughts\u2014and then call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say: \u201cI\u2019ve got a story I want to share about how God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,\u201d or \u201c\u2026how God\u2019s used Dennis or Barbara in my life.\u201d Again, call 1-800-FL-TODAY once you\u2019ve got your thoughts put together; and you\u2019ll be able to share those thoughts with us. That\u2019ll be a great encouragement to our team, and we look forward to hearing from you.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how a wife can thrive and find happiness in marriage, even if she\u2019s married to a flawed husband; because the reality is\u2014you <em>are<\/em> married to a flawed husband. My wife\u2019s married to a flawed husband\u2014that\u2019s the way we come\u2014all of us, as husbands. Jen Weaver is going to be with us tomorrow to talk about a wife\u2019s secret to happiness. I hope you can be with us for that as well.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":["Steve and Holly Crain give some of the reasons singles fear marriage, and some of the mistakes singles make along their dating journey."],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:24:55"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.81M"],"filesize_raw":["23915381"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300001.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300001.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px 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and Holly Crain's greatest passion is ministering to single adults in their home church. They give some of the reasons singles fear marriage, and some of the mistakes singles make along their dating journey.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-01-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, January 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. When was the last time that you had single adults joining your family in your home? When was the last time you reached out and included them? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve got some folks, who are pretty passionate about what we\u2019re talking about; don\u2019t we?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We do. We have some people, who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who are passionate about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and our message here. I\u2019ll tell you who they are\u2014they are single people\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because they\u2019re looking for hope.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are looking for <em>real<\/em> family life. They want to know how to do relationships God\u2019s way, and they are finding that they can count on this broadcast to steer them in the direction of Scripture of how they need to establish a relationship with the opposite sex and venture in to what is a great adventure\u2014filled with risks\/filled with dangers\u2014but it is one of the most rewarding relationships on the planet. In fact, I\u2019m thinking back\u2014\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cSo what would be more rewarding?\u201d And I\u2019m not thinking of one that is better than Barbara.\n\nSo, let me just introduce our guests to you. Steve and Holly Crain join us.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad you guys are here. Married in 1997\u2014they live in Houston and have four children. They have a workshop that we\u2019re going to talk about today\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a workshop for singles called <em>Relating, Dating &amp; Marrying<\/em>. So, where do you start in your workshop, Steve?\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Well, on a retreat\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u2014on a retreat.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014I was asked to speak. I said, \u201cWhat topic?\u201d They said, \u201cAnything you want.\u201d I said, \u201cI want to speak on relating, dating, and marrying.\u201d We didn\u2019t know how it would go over, because <em>nothing<\/em> like that was being done.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were already married.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I was already married.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u2014married; yes. Steve was one of the breakout speakers. We had hundreds on the retreat. It was during their free time; and hundreds showed up to hear what Steve had to say about relating, dating, and marrying. That\u2019s when he pulled out a football and did a Vince Lombardi\u2014said, \u201cThis is a football.\u201d\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\nInstead of that, he said\u2014he took the dry erase marker\u2014he said, \u201cThis is a man; this is a woman.\u201d The whole audience just burst out in laughter.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014I think in nervous tension.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They were glad somebody was finally broaching this subject.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were pointing out that there is a difference\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014between man and woman.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> We\u2019re going back to the beginning!\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Going back to the basics.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They wanted it.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes; it was just kind of a release of that tension. Steve finished and finished well. We started talking about biblical truths about what God\u2019s Word says. We got back home, and the singles minister put a note out to all the directors\u2014he said: \u201cIf you\u2019d like Steve to come and speak in your class, then let us know. He\u2019s going to do\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a big church too.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Big church\u2014we had 18 singles classes. He had almost a full year teaching, twice in each class. It set it off.\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> It was at that point we knew we were on to something.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> They were hungry.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They were <em>starving<\/em>. We were scratching an itch that they had, and they were hungry for it. We decided to set up a six-week seminar on Wednesday nights. What I did was\u2014I got other mentor couples\u2014a lot of couples who had helped us in our premarital preparation programs and things. I would\u2014each night, I would feature one of them. I would speak\u2014I did the first night\/the last night\u2014but then I would feature one.\n\nThen I stole something that I saw, two years ago, from a man named Bob Lepine at one of the conferences\u2014[Laughter]\u2014he had this bistro table, where he interviews. I would have the couple up there. I would just let them tell how they met\u2014just like you guys were doing\u2014how they met: \u201cWas it easy?\u201d Then, all along the way, we\u2019re asking the participants to ask questions, you know, on cards; so we can screen them.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\nThe first night, we have this one couple\u2014they\u2019ll speak on 1 Corinthians 13 or have different things. We let them explain that: \u201cWell, we knew each other\u2014we were just out of high school.\u201d One of them was\u2014knew each other since 8<sup>th<\/sup> grade\u2014they said, \u201cWe didn\u2019t know <em>anything<\/em> when we got married.\u201d Anyway, it encourages them to <em>see<\/em> what it was <em>really<\/em> like to meet and fall in love with someone.\n\nThen the questions at the end were very telling, because they would ask these questions\u2014example of questions\u2014and we would let these couples or myself answer them. They would see the disparity of like\u2014\u201cOh my gosh! You didn\u2019t know what he was going to do for a career, and you married him?!\u201d\u2014you know, and these different things. It began to open their eyes.\n\nI knew that we had success\/I viewed success: \u201cIf, after each talk, those couples were just surrounded by singles\u201d; and they were.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\nThey are hungry for leadership; they are hungry for guidance; they are hungry for people to be involved in their life; they are hungry for people to want to see them have success in the areas of relationships.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> They wanted to know what was real and what was counterfeit; the world was telling them a whole a lot of different messages. This was a time where the church could be the church\u2014the church could tell them what the real\/real marriages look like\u2014godly marriages look like. A lot of them weren\u2019t getting through to see what that looked like.\n\nAt the end of every session, we would release the cell phone numbers of those couples, and ours as well. People would want to stay and visit and talk; and then they\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014for hours.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u2014continued those conversations after the workshop.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Here\u2019s\u2014let me say this\u2014in one seminar I did, I put a stack of books all the way across.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\nI said, \u201cThese are the best books on marriage, and dating, and relating, and everything.\u201d I said, \u201cIf you read all these books, do you think you would have what you needed to make it?\u201d You know, of course, they didn\u2019t. That\u2019s where the church comes in\u2014it\u2019s relationship from the very beginning.\n\nWhen marriages are <em>formed<\/em> in the Bible, there were always other people involved\u2014or frequently. It wasn\u2019t like somebody went out on his own; you know? It\u2019s like: \u201cI\u2019m sending my servant to find\u2026and here is what we\u2019re looking for\u2026\u201d So, without the relationship, the knowledge is somewhat limited. We realized that we had to make the connection to those couples\/to those people, and we had to invest in their lives because families are divorced now\u2014they are broken. I\u2019ll say, \u201cWhat does your father think?\u201d \u201cWell, my father lives\u2014he\u2019s on his third wife, and my mom lives on the East Coast.\u201d They have nobody!\n\nOne of the questions that one of the girls sent in was: \u201cI\u2019ve been seeing this guy for a year.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cHe\u2019s not moving forward. What do I do?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, if I was your father, I would call the guy and say, \u2018What are your intentions with my daughter?\u2019\u201d She goes, \u201cWell, would you do that for me?\u201d\u2014I did!\n\nThese are the kinds of things that are missing\u2014they\u2019re not being advocated for. They\u2019re kind of on their own, really\u2014young adults living independently. When they ask their parents for advice, frequently, their parents say: \u201cI\u2019m not giving you any advice. I don\u2019t know what to tell you. You\u2019re on your own on that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> I think we help encourage the single adults to\u2014especially the men\/the young men\u2014like Proverbs 18:22 says\u2014\u201cHe who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.\u201d We encourage them to pursue that\u2014pursue women for marriage. A lot of times, what they\u2019re hearing from the church are some clich\u00e9 answers:\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cJust be content,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t seek it,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t make it your idol,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t\u2026\u201d\u2014this, this, and this.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019ll happen when it happens.\u201d\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019ll happen when it happens.\u201d\n\nThere\u2019s a lady in our church, and she\u2019s in her 70s. She said\u2014Steve asked her, \u201cWhy do we tell them this?\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do we tell singles this?\u201d\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> She paused and she said: \u201cI think it\u2019s because it used to be true. When a 19-year-old young woman or a 20-year-old woman would ask and be in despair about it, we knew that, within a few short months or a year or so, she would be married.\u201d\n\nYoung adults are being left alone, and there is so much loneliness in that. What Steve and I try to do is just\u2014we invite them in\/invite them into our home. Let them see our marriage\/our family. Then we just do this simple thing of putting a table cloth on the table and then just cooking a little bit of extra.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\nThey\u2014we sit with our children and these young adults. It works both ways\u2014our children get to see these amazing young adults that are articulate\u2014they are mature; they are growing in their faith\u2014and they [singles] get to see family.\n\nOur children run off and go do their homework; and then we go and have coffee and then hear from them\u2014hear what\u2019s going on in their life. We legitimize what\u2019s going on\u2014their pain and their loneliness\u2014we try to legitimize that and not dismiss it. Then we take time, and we pray for them to have a spouse.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> If who we marry is second biggest decision we make in our life, why are we not praying for it more? Why are we not giving it more focus and emphasis? If you\u2019re sick, we\u2019re going to pray for your health. If you\u2019re childless, we\u2019re going to pray for you to have a child. If you\u2019re unemployed, we pray for a job. You would be surprised\u2014ask half the young singles, \u201cDo you pray for a spouse?\u201d \u201cOh, no, no; that would be too selfish.\u201d\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m thinking: \u201cWhy do they think that\u2019s selfish? Why would that be selfish?\u201d It\u2019s like\u2014it\u2019s God intentional plan; and if it\u2019s a big decision, we should be praying about it; right?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m talking to young singles, who are saying to me, at 25 and 26\/27, \u201cWell, yes, eventually, I want to get married; but in this season of life, I\u2019m kind of enjoying the freedom that I have in this and that.\u201d So, Holly, what is the reality? What do singles, who are 27 years old, want today?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Well, when they come over to our house, and they take that wall down, they tell us that they <em>do<\/em> want to get married, especially when they get up into those older-20 ages. A lot of times, I think we tell them: \u201cJust be content,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cThis is going to happen,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t worry\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> You and I don\u2019t tell them that.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> We don\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> That\u2019s the message they feel they are getting.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Right; they hear that from people. We try to just resist the urge to give them those quick, easy answers and not be dismissive about their true situation.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes; we find that, when we listen to them and legitimize it, that it makes them feel valued; but if we dismiss it, they go home feeling just as lonely and hopeless.\n\nI heard a great speaker on the radio, not too long ago, referring back to a congress in 1975, where the great Prof, Howard Hendricks, said, \u201cUnless we have a revival of equipping the single adults, we\u2019re going to be in some kind of trouble.\u201d Then, you went on\u2014when you were doing a chapel\u2014and saying, \u201cWho would have thought this would be ground zero?\u201d But Satan, when he is ruining the families and wants to do that, what better thing than to take it on back one notch? You know, healthy families come from healthy singles. Healthy singles come from healthy families. It\u2019s just kind of a repetitive cycle.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, if a mom and a dad\u2014who are raising, maybe, a high school student\u2014\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014and they know, in two or three years, they are going to let the arrow fly; and they are going to go out into the university world\u2014maybe, to work, to service, to their calling\u2014what do they need to be focusing on to help a young man or a young lady relate to the opposite sex?\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> They need to be teaching them about the Golden Rule, for one thing. We were talking to one of your workers, here, earlier\u2014and I\u2019ve had this in one of my counseling sessions\u2014I said to a young married man\u2014I said, \u201cWhat do you think the goal of marriage is?\u201d He said: \u201cIt\u2019s to make me happy. It\u2019s to fulfill me. It\u2019s to complete me.\u201d\n\nWell, part of our culture\u2014we need to be teaching them the biblical truths\u2014that it is: \u201cHusbands love your wives sacrificially.\u201d This is going to be a sacrifice; this is going to be, where you put that other person\u2014and you\u2019re willing to lay down your life for that person. Ephesians, Chapter 5, goes on and on about explaining this beautiful marriage relationship; and he says, \u201cBut what I\u2019m talking about is Christ and the church.\u201d\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nWe need to instill in them what it means to be self-sacrificing and be responsible.\n\nPurity is something that has really changed the game, I think. Years and years ago, before effective birth control, if you messed around like that, a woman got pregnant; and it showed. There was no way out of it. She held her ground and said: \u201cYou want me; I want a ring. You want me; I need some commitment. You want me; I need this.\u201d Now, we\u2019ve removed a lot of those barriers; and we\u2019re finding that singles are in this pseudo\u2014taking trips together, staying over late evenings, and perhaps, getting physically involved. What\u2019s the incentive to go ahead and step up to the plate?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> How prevalent is cohabitation among singles in the church?\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think many are cohabitating; but I know, for sure, that there is a number that are having sex.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; in fact, the path today for most people\u2014now, I\u2019m just talking about the culture; I\u2019m not talking about in the church\u2014but in the culture today, the path is:\n\u201cDate for a while, start having sex, move in, have kids, get married.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cget a dog.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right! Getting married is the <em>end<\/em> of the process\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than: \u201cDate for a while, get married, move in, have sex, have kids.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Right; it\u2019s backwards.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Scott Stanley says it like: \u201cFalling into marriage.\u201d You know Scott Stanley?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> He does a video called <em>Sliding vs Deciding<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> <em>Sliding vs Deciding<\/em>\u2014just what you were saying.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> All those decisions that you could make\u2014that they feel like they have this freedom in\u2014get removed. When they get a cell phone plan together, they get a dog, and they sign a lease together or buy a house together, then, all of a sudden, their lives are entangled.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nAll those things that they thought they were going to be free of from marriage are now\u2014they\u2019re more entangled in a worse way, really.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, why aren\u2019t they just getting married in the first place? I mean, they are signing leases together and moving in together. Why don\u2019t they just say: \u201cYou know, it looks like we belong together. We should get married.\u201d What\u2019s the fear that\u2019s behind a commitment to marriage?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> I think that this generation of young adults has seen, possibly, their parents\/their friends\u2019 parents\u2014they know more people who are divorced in those situations than not. When Steve and I were growing up, we lived in completely different places; and yet, we just knew that one token family that got divorced. We didn\u2019t know any more. The young adults, now, saw all that happen; and they were part of that\u2014whether to themselves or their friends.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nThey go into it, thinking, \u201cI\u2019m fearful.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> So, how do we reintroduce this mystery to this generation? I\u2019m afraid, to the world, it may be\u2014some of them may be lost\u2014but there is always the remnant\u2014there is the church. How do we reintroduce this excitement?\u2014this mystery?\u2014this like: \u201cIt\u2019s worth waiting; it\u2019s worth making the commitment\u201d?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Part of what you guys are doing is exactly how it gets reintroduced; because I think a lot of couples, are growing up, saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got no model\/no map. What I have seen are relationships that have not done well,\u201d \u201c\u2026 husbands and wives, who have stuck together and not been one\u2014they\u2019ve been isolated,\u201d \u201c\u2026husbands and wives, who haven\u2019t stuck together.\u201d\n\nThey grow up really doubting whether, in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century, a man and a woman can commit to one another for a lifetime. They hear about things like serial monogamy and think: \u201cWell, maybe, we weren\u2019t intended to be monogamous. I mean, that\u2019s not, biologically, what we\u2019re made to be.\u201d\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nThere are all kinds of confusing messages.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a longing in their heart to be married and intimate with one person for a lifetime. Yet, the culture is sending them all kinds of mixed messages. I think part of the way that you reintroduce the wonder is\u2014you have single folks over; you model for them a healthy, strong, committed relationship; and they start to get some confidence and go: \u201cOkay, this is possible. The desire in my heart\u2014there are people who have found a way to do this,\u201d and \u201cI want to know what the roadmap is to get there.\u201d\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> It still works; it still works.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does. There is one last question I want to ask both of you\u2014and I do not know how you will answer it.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay? It\u2019s my favorite question to ask people; alright? \u201cWhat\u2019s the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done in all your life?\u201d And courage is not the absence of fear\u2014it\u2019s doing your duty in the face of fear. Why are you pointing to him? [Laughter] You want him to go first?\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> I want him to go first. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I will tell you\u2014I can tell you this.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\nIt was when I was 19 years old, and I was struggling with becoming a Christian. I prayed a prayer at a junior college in Burnham, Texas, under severe distress. I told the Lord that I would give Him my life completely and that He could do to me whatever needed to be done\u2014I would be willing to pay any price; but I couldn\u2019t do it on my own. I needed Him to help me; I needed Him to bring me to that point. And if I was 92, and it was the day before I died: \u201cI need You to do this for me, Lord; and I will serve You with my life, and I will never try to pretend to be anything more than what I am.\u201d I just laid it all out there, and I feel the same way today.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> For me, the most courageous moment was when I stepped back into the church. I had fallen away from my faith, and I was walking back in with a five-year-old and a newborn after my husband had left me during pregnancy.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\nWhen I walked in, I didn\u2019t know what they would say; I didn\u2019t know what they would do; I didn\u2019t know if they would have a place for me.\n\nWhat I found was God was faithful. He had a place prepared for me. He had a church ready to receive me well, and they were expecting me. They opened their arms to me. They wrapped their arms around me, and they showed me the way. They let me back in the full rights of fellowship, and that was the most courageous time for me. What happened was healing\u2014a true time of healing: spiritually, emotionally, physically. From that, I grew spiritually, and I was able to thrive and raise my family.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I hate to tag on to that, but what I\u2019ve got to say is\u2014\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014when I saw Holly, I saw a new creation in Christ. I might have had some questions in my mind; and the Lord said, \u201cSteve, who are <em>you<\/em> to judge what I have made clean and pure?\u201d I saw a true transformation.\n\nThe second scariest thing I\u2019ve ever done was come in here and talk to you guys today. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you two guys\u2014as a couple, you are heroes\u2014\n\n<strong>Holly: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you\u2019re stepping into a ministry that, in my opinion, is one of the pioneering ministries of our day. There need to be more couples\u2014who have got imperfect marriages \/ they don\u2019t have perfect relationships\u2014but they are willing to share their journey with single people and give them hope! They need to know it can be done.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Amen!\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They really do. You guys are heroes, and you\u2019re both very courageous people. Thanks for joining us.\n\n<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Thank you all.\n\n<strong>Holly:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s an honor.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, let me encourage our listeners, especially single listeners.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nGo to FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve talked about this subject on past broadcasts, and we\u2019ve got links there for their podcasts you can listen to about singleness and how to thrive during whatever season of singleness you are living in. There are books and articles\u2014other resources we\u2019ve got. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to dive deeper on this subject and to know how to thrive, as a single adult.\n\nYou know, we got a note recently from a listener, who said: \u201cIn a time when I was hopeless, and miserable, and lonely, your program helped me realize I needed a relationship with Jesus, first, in order to develop any other relationship. Jesus has poured His love over me continuously. I am so moved by Him and by His glory.\u201d\n\nWe <em>love<\/em> hearing stories like that from listeners.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\nIn fact, when we are out travelling, Dennis, you know we often will have <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, who come up to us and share with us how God has used a particular program, or something they\u2019ve heard, something you or Barbara have shared with them and how you\u2019ve helped mentor them in their marriage and in their family.\n\nWe\u2019re asking those of you, who are regular listeners, \u201cIf you\u2019ve got a story like that, would you share it with us?\u201d In fact, we\u2019d love to have you call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014this is all set up automated\u2014we\u2019ll send you to a voice mailbox\u2014but we\u2019d love to have you record your story. Take a few minutes\u2014just jot down a few thoughts\u2014and then call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say: \u201cI\u2019ve got a story I want to share about how God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,\u201d or \u201c\u2026how God\u2019s used Dennis or Barbara in my life.\u201d Again, call 1-800-FL-TODAY once you\u2019ve got your thoughts put together; and you\u2019ll be able to share those thoughts with us. That\u2019ll be a great encouragement to our team, and we look forward to hearing from you.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how a wife can thrive and find happiness in marriage, even if she\u2019s married to a flawed husband; because the reality is\u2014you <em>are<\/em> married to a flawed husband. My wife\u2019s married to a flawed husband\u2014that\u2019s the way we come\u2014all of us, as husbands. Jen Weaver is going to be with us tomorrow to talk about a wife\u2019s secret to happiness. I hope you can be with us for that as well.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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