{"id":295142,"date":"2024-09-13T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-09-13T08:15:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T15:06:57","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T19:06:57","slug":"surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins\/","title":{"rendered":"Surviving Back-To-School Stress: David &#038; Meg Robbins"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The logistical and emotional demands of school starting can be heavy for parents. David and Meg Robbins join Dave and Ann Wilson for an authentic discussion on surviving back-to-school stress.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The logistical and emotional demands of school starting can be heavy! Join David and Meg Robbins for real talk on surviving back-to-school stress.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/6310f085-a57d-4486-8e78-b1db00fb3163\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:59","filesize":"23.83M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-09-13 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2834,2835,2836,2855,2870],"tags":[3094],"podcast_series":[3649],"cwp_profile":[3576],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-295142","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-praying-for-your-children","category-raising-boys","category-raising-girls","category-teens","category-tweens","tag-parenting-panic-david-meg-robbins","podcast_series-parenting-panic-david-meg-robbins","cwp_profile-david-and-meg-robbins","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/295142\/surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/295142\/surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KAuQYGSaS5\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins\/\">Surviving Back-To-School Stress: David &#038; Meg Robbins<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/surviving-back-to-school-stress-david-meg-robbins\/embed\/#?secret=KAuQYGSaS5\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Surviving Back-To-School Stress: David &#038; Meg Robbins&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KAuQYGSaS5\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["6310f085-a57d-4486-8e78-b1db00fb3163"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/6310f085-a57d-4486-8e78-b1db00fb3163\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:25:59"],"filesize":["23.83M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Don't miss out on our biggest sale of the season!<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\"> Weekend to Remember registrations are half price until September 16th<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Surviving Back-To-School Stress<\/p>\n<p>Guests:David and Meg Robbins<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Parenting Panic (Day 2 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 13, 2024<\/p>\n<p>David: There aren\u2019t perfectly wrapped bows, but each one of us is being shaped as we take steps of faith together and in our own unique ways; because these types of decisions you make\u2014whether to stay on a team or not for a few more months, or to stay in a whole sport or whether [to pare] down to one sport; whether to move and what that means for your family\u2014those are the times that you can choose to show a lot of empathy, yet form resilience in how you depend upon God together; a faithful God who will be with you. That\u2019s His promise: \u201c\u2026and lo, I will be with you always\u2026.\u201d [Mathew 28:20]<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wouldn\u2019t you love to have a program where we could just ask somebody that is wise questions about marriage and family?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, like, \u201cWhat do I do about this situation with my kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Well, today is the day!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Because you\u2019re here!<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014because the Robbinses get to flip the table, and we get to ask you questions. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Ask ya\u2019ll the questions!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s not what I\u2019m thinking.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m not thinking that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You know what? You guys have more kids than we have, so you win.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yours are grown.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You have four, and we have three.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: You are more tried and true.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You heard them. David and Meg Robbins are back with us. We actually have questions from\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014some young couples.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, couples that are raising kids. These are mostly in the Art of Parenting\u00ae. We\u2019re going to fire some at you.<\/p>\n<p>David: You get to participate, too.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: You can, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019ll participate.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I feel\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014currently in progress.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes. I was going to say, I feel like we need to give the caveat that we are still in the middle of it, so we are learning, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And we\u2019ve learned the hard way things not to do.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Which one do you want to start with? Do you want to do the one we were just talking about off air?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, let\u2019s do that one.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How do you know when you are coddling your kids, versus empathizing?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Or the reverse, showing tough love, versus being cruel or harsh? Here\u2019s an example: \u201cIf they want to quit piano lessons, do you let them quit, or do you make them stick with it?\u201d I mean, these are super practical things. Every single parent has faced this.<\/p>\n<p>David: This is real life.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s such a good question.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014sports, you name it.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014school. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: I would say, I flash back to what was modeled for me. I go to being\u2014I was probably eight, and I was trying out the swim team. I begged my dad, \u201cDad, I want to do the swim team. I want to do the swim team.\u201d I went to the first practice. I got home, and I didn\u2019t want to do the swim team anymore. [Laughter] I woke up, and I was so sore. We were having it out. That particular day, I was really being stubborn.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cOkay, our commitment was that we would continue. We would go back the next day for sure and for a short season. That\u2019s what we committed to, so I\u2019ll go with you today. Let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oooh!<\/p>\n<p>David: He got his swimsuit on.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And he swims every lap. This is eight years old, not little league or anything like that [with] my dad getting on the field. [Laughter] But he went on and swam every lap that day\u2019s practice. It made me fall in love. I became a swimmer until I was 14.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>David: It was this subtle thing that we can\u2019t, obviously, always do. You can\u2019t get out on the little league field with your T-baller. But it is\u2014you can empathize. My dad did. He wasn\u2019t putting into a corner or into a closet what I felt. He was still also saying, \u201cBut we\u2019re going to do it, and we\u2019re going to be resilient.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I would go back to that time [thinking], \u201cRobbins: we see a commitment through.\u201d That\u2019s what my dad taught me. It doesn\u2019t mean it has to be my favorite thing forever, but if I commit to a certain thing, even if it\u2019s not going the way I want it to go, we\u2019re going to build some resilience and go do that.<\/p>\n<p>That ended up paying dividends in so many ways in my life.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: It\u2019s also teaching our kids: \u201cYou can do hard things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is Sissy Goff and David Thomas [of] Daystar Counseling. They always say that! \u201cYour kids can do hard things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But we hate it when our kids are in pain.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We do, and that\u2019s where empathy is a gift. As a mom, when one of our kids is hurting, I feel it so deeply.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Sometimes, I think, \u201cI probably shouldn\u2019t be feeling this so deeply,\u201d but I really think God has wired us that way so that we can empathize with them.<\/p>\n<p>Just like your dad did, it\u2019s, \u201cOkay, if they come home from a practice or a piano lesson, and they feel like their teacher has been really hard on them or is asking too much, it\u2019s listening, letting them process that, and asking them, \u2018How does that make you feel? Yes, that sounds hard. That would make me feel like I wasn\u2019t important\u2019,\u201d or whatever; just feeling it with them.<\/p>\n<p>But the fine line there is: \u201cYou can do hard things. That doesn\u2019t mean because it\u2019s hard, you walk away from it.\u201d If we did that as adults every time something got hard, I probably wouldn\u2019t be parenting anymore. [Laughter] There are so many things that are hard that come at us. Where did I learn to stick with it? Probably when I was growing up or different things that have happened in my life where I learned to persevere.<\/p>\n<p>We are promised by the Lord that we are going to have hard things, but we have to learn to persevere through that, and there are good things that come from that, and it\u2019s [our] helping our kids fight through those moments.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good. I went through this same kind of thing, but in the opposite way. I was in my senior year, going into track season. I had been in track for six years at that time. I told my dad (who was a coach; who was very athletic)\u2014I was the youngest of four, and everybody had been in sports; I said, \u201cHey, this year I\u2019ve decided not to go out for track.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My dad looked at me, and he said, \u201cThis is not happening. You are going out for track.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The season hadn\u2019t started, so I wasn\u2019t in the middle of the season. The season was just beginning, so I hadn\u2019t given a commitment, and I was not going out. He said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to go out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, I was sitting across from my dad. I said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not.\u201d It ended up that he refused to talk to me. He said, \u201cI will not talk to you unless you go out for track.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what I wish he would have done, because he manipulated me into it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Sure.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I felt so full of shame, and I already had a past of performance: \u201cWe\u2019re the best! We come home with first place!\u201d I had been successful, but I wish\u2014it\u2019s what you said, Meg; I wish\u2014he would have said: \u201cTell me why.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cTell me the things that you are feeling. It seems like you\u2019ve been really successful. You could go on, into college, if you want. There must be something deeper within that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Just that question, and [my answer] would have been, \u201cI feel so much pressure. I\u2019m running the last leg of the mile relay, and I\u2019m feeling all the weight.\u201d It determines who wins the meet. A lot of times if you are tight, it\u2019s that race. I had the last leg of that race. I had so much pressure on me. All we had to have done is have a great conversation: \u201cThere must be something deeper, if you don\u2019t want to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s going to change the answer, necessarily, if you are in the middle of the season, but I think that empathizing piece. Dave: What I love, that you wished would have happened, [is] the result would have been a connection, a meaningful connection\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014about what\u2019s behind it. You get into the thick of emotion for a parent, or what a parent feels, when a coach is mistreating\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014it gets soupy quickly. Yet how do we, in those moments, [remember] the main aim: \u201cHow do I connect to my kid\u2019s heart?\u201d That still means we can bring tough love if that\u2019s what it needs to follow through on our commitment, or \u201cNow that I know why, let\u2019s talk about that more. I\u2019m still not sure about that, Ann.\u201d You know, it can lead a lot of ways\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014but that primary [goal] of connecting to our kids.<\/p>\n<p>My mind probably was more predominantly going away from sports into when we are making decisions, as parents, that end up affecting our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What do you mean?<\/p>\n<p>David: There\u2019s \u201cWhether to take a job or not,\u201d \u201cWhether to move or not.\u201d It\u2019s a whole other realm of coddling. You can end up not listening to the Lord and getting paralyzed because you don\u2019t want to take steps of faith, because, \u201cWe need to keep this right here going.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014which is what you guys experienced!<\/p>\n<p>David: We keep\u2014all of us do. But what do you mean by that?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You made big decisions [about] moving your family.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I mean, you were living in New York.<\/p>\n<p>David: Sure; yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Then you moved. How old were your kids when you moved to Little Rock?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: They were sixth grade, fourth grade, second grade, and one.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014like a year and a half.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Give us that journey: you were there how many years?<\/p>\n<p>David: It ended up being two years. We were finally close to our parents and family. They live nearby, in Memphis and in Mississippi.<\/p>\n<p>I had someone who replaced another founder of an even bigger organization say, \u201cDavid, your number one job is walk with God and do what He says. You just stay committed to that, and it will be alright.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, when walking with God and doing what He says with a team all of a sudden moving the organization\u2019s headquarters started, this got really personal, because we were finally close to our parents.<\/p>\n<p>You always say, as God calls us, your kids in different stages of life, [are] part of the values. It is part of the journey. You don\u2019t put it to the side.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: But you\u2019ve got to know, as the Lord starts leading clearly, He\u2019s going to lead your kids, too. He has something in it for them also.<\/p>\n<p>I think, \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d That\u2019s a core belief of mine. \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d Well, back when I was in high school, we moved. We went down to not much. My mom went and had a job, and we had to restart life a little bit. Our resources were lower. We were some of the happiest people we\u2019d ever been, because we were following God to the next step He had for us.<\/p>\n<p>We ended up taking those steps of faith that the Lord had for our family. We had less than we ever had. Those were hard seasons, but it led to some of this beautiful simplicity that led to really joyful times in our home. It wasn\u2019t a perfect time, but joyful.<\/p>\n<p>It was Romans 12:2, \u201cDo not be conformed to this world,\u00a0but be transformed by\u00a0the renewal of your mind, that by testing, you may\u00a0discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>James 1, \u201cCount it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of many kinds,\u2026the testing of your faith produces steadfastness,\u201d [verses 3-4, Paraphrased] and it goes on to wisdom [that] \u201cmakes you perfect and complete, not lacking anything,\u201d which is Jesus in you. That\u2019s what He\u2019s doing in our lives as parents.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How have the moves\u2014and it\u2019s not just \u201cmove,\u201d it\u2019s \u201cmoves,\u201d affected your kids as you look at them now?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because I thought it was beautiful the way you brought your kids into this decision to move to Orlando.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Well, I remember the day that we told our kids that we would be moving to Orlando. Our oldest was in eighth grade at the time. He just was upset, visibly, as we all were. We were all in tears.<\/p>\n<p>David: We had just told staff that day, and we were telling kids that night.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes. You say what Ford said to you.<\/p>\n<p>David: He doesn\u2019t shut down. He\u2019s our verbal processor, and he shut down. He was going up the stairs after a long evening. I said, \u201cBuddy, just give me something. What are you feeling?\u201d He said, \u201cDad, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m angry at you or angry at God. All I know is I\u2019m really angry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What came out\u2014thankfully, the Lord was kind. I said, \u201cOh, Buddy. That makes a lot of sense to me. I want you to know I know God can handle your anger, and I can handle your anger, too. Come to us. Don\u2019t wall up; don\u2019t shut down. I\u2019m here for whatever the journey is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Those are the types of things that shape you. The story goes on.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: There are not perfectly wrapped bows, but each one of us is being shaped as we all take steps of faith together and in our own unique ways, because these types of decisions you make\u2014whether to stay on a team or not for a few more months, or to stay in a whole sport, or whether to [pare] down to one sport; whether to move and what that means for your family\u2014those are the times that you can choose to show a lot of empathy, yet form resilience in how you depend upon God together; a faithful God who will be with you. That\u2019s His promise! \u201c\u2026and lo, I will be with you always\u2026.\u201d [Mathew 28:20]<\/p>\n<p>There is no other guarantee other than He will be with us.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: It\u2019s gone well. The main thing, though, is He\u2019s been with us, and He keeps shaping us.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Sweet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Have you guys talked about\u2014or even now, think about\u2014mistakes you feel like [you made] or regrets [you have]. I remember, when our kids were little, I did a message once, a sermon: \u201cRegret-Free Parenting.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Ohhhh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Of course, we had little kids, so I had no idea what I was talking about. You can\u2019t live without regrets.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You have things that you wish\u2014so, I\u2019m wondering if those come to mind?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll tell a quick one, that our listeners have heard, about me. But I\u2019ll keep it really short, because they\u2019ve heard this story. My sons are older now. They\u2019re adults; married with kids. Two of them said to me that they felt like I was more intimate with the congregation than I was with them; basically sharing weakness and stories on stage in sermons that they never heard at home.<\/p>\n<p>When they said it, the second I heard it\u2014and I knew they had talked about this; this is not like an impromptu conversation. they had talked, and they both had felt it, so they both came to me.<\/p>\n<p>David: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But the second it came out, I knew they were right. [I didn\u2019t say], \u201cNo,\u201d but [said], \u201cOh, my goodness! I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It was one of those regrets that I couldn\u2019t change, but I can obviously do better now.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But as you think about mistakes or things you wish you would have [done]; as we help other parents think through, what are some of things like, \u201cOkay, that\u2019s a good learning for us, that we don\u2019t want to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: The one that comes to my mind is something that was so unintentional. Of course, I\u2019m not going to intentionally hurt my children; but recently, I was in a conversation with one of the kids. Something came up about a project that they were working on, but it had been a year-long thing. At some point along the way, he had changed the topic and the plan of the project. Something came up about it, and he said, \u201cThe only reason why I had chosen that other topic in the first place is because that\u2019s what you wanted me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It hit me so hard. I said, \u201cOh, my goodness. What do you mean?\u201d It turned out that I had made a comment about\u2014it was something they were going to work on for a whole year, so I said, \u201cPick something that is valuable, worth your time, and going to keep you in it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had probably downplayed one of the other ideas, not knowing just how attached he was to the other idea. He did change to the one he really wanted to do, and I was thrilled that he was able to change and do that. But as we talked about it months later, I had no idea that he was doing that to please me.<\/p>\n<p>As I thought about it, I think I actually teared up in the moment thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t believe he felt that way, and I didn\u2019t know it.\u201d So, I went back to him the next day, and I said, \u201cI want you to know that I\u2019m probably going to do that again unintentionally: say something, [but] I do not want to manipulate you.\u201d But I think he felt manipulated.<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cI would want, and invite, you to tell me when you feel that way in the moment, because I am a broken person. I\u2019m going to make mistakes, but my desire is for you to be who you are and for you to pursue the things that God has given you a passion for.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, I said, \u201cI am so sorry, because that was not my intention, but I totally see what you are saying.\u201d I had done that! Looking back, I wanted it to be a certain thing. That was probably my intention without me knowing it, if that makes sense.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We\u2019ve felt that with my parents, when they\u2019ve unintentionally made comments about things.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, remembering the weight of your words that end up being really sticky and heavy.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: A big lesson for anyone is going back as a parent and saying, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d And \u201cI invite you\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s huge for a kid to sense, \u201cMom and Dad really do invite me to speak something that\u2019s contrary to what they\u2019re thinking into their life.\u201d I think he knew you meant it, right? That\u2019s big.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too. That\u2019s good, Meg.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right. It led to a really good conversation, I think, of, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do it right all the time.\u201d I laughed and said, \u201cYou know that!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cYou know that I mess it up a lot; but I sometimes need you to let me know when you are feeling that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: For me, the thing that\u2019s coming to my mind is not this big moment. There are moments, and then there are ingrained patterns. How do we take to Jesus the ingrained patterns we have that can just come up when we hit our default, natural, living in our flesh mode?<\/p>\n<p>For me, I end up wanting to close the loop: \u201cAlright! We\u2019re done, and we\u2019re going to solve it this way.\u201d I\u2019m an activator. [Laughter] That can end up closing off a process. That can end up not letting them come up with their own decision. They end up having to say, \u201cAlright, I\u2019m going to do what Dad told me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not trying to over-function. I think part of it is, you get so many things going on at work, [and] you can only have so many open tabs at one time; so, \u201cAlright, we\u2019re going to close this tab.\u201d Even walking through the college decision process this year, I thought, \u201cThese tabs are still open.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s part of me activating on an ingrained pattern and saying, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to choose a different course for one of these big decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, the hard, small decisions when this comes up really quickly, I\u2019ve still got a lot of repentance, often, to do. I think that\u2019s one of those things I\u2019m seeking to grow actively in.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: One of the things I wish I would have done is, I wish I would have gotten some counseling, because we were struggling in our marriage. We all do. We go through these valleys, these peaks, these great times, these hard times; but in our early years, I was resentful of Dave and the time that he was spending away from home.<\/p>\n<p>That resentment, I carried it; I played with it in my head. That spews out in the home. It spewed out to the kids, where I was short; I was snappy. It wasn\u2019t them. I was thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s just this phase of life I\u2019m in.\u201d But the light on the dashboard was going off: \u201cGet help! Get help! Get your heart checked. Get your engine checked.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I wish that I would have understood that, if that\u2019s going on, especially if we had this area that kept cycling back and cycling back. If you have an area that keeps cycling back up, it\u2019s God\u2019s grace of saying, \u201cDeal with this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cLook at this. There\u2019s something deeper. It\u2019s not just that you have little kids. It\u2019s not just that you are busy, and you are tired. This is an area that, if it keeps cycling back, I want you to look under the hood and go deeper into.\u201d I wish I had gotten counseling earlier, because as the kids got older, that area was still there, and I was getting sleep, and I wasn\u2019t as tired.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: As a result, I think my frustration was taken out on the kids, often, because we just carry it, and it comes out as impatience. So, that\u2019s one thing.<\/p>\n<p>Our kids have given us so much grace, because I did continually apologize and ask for their forgiveness; but I think I would have been a better mom had we dealt with our marriage issues. You would have been so great with, \u201cYes, let\u2019s go get some help.\u201d But it was also back in the day that we really didn\u2019t know as many people that were in therapy. Now, I love that that is very common.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so helpful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So helpful. Go! Seriously. It\u2019s going to be one of the best gifts you give your kids.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Because you\u2019ll get to\u2014we said it earlier, at the very beginning: we bring family of origin stuff in, and then we parent out of that, and we pass it one. I wish\u2014yes, I agree.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What\u2019s yours, Dave?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I would say the one big one was I wish I had been more intentional about many things. We heard this when we were younger parents. Now, we are older, and we can say it\u2019s true: \u201cYou\u2019re going to blink, and they\u2019re going to be gone.\u201d You\u2019re literally going to be shocked at how fast it goes; and then, you are going to say, \u201cOh, I miss those\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>How many times did I say, \u201cI\u2019m going to do a weekly breakfast and ask them questions and impart spiritual truth?\u201d I remember doing a Weekend to Remember\u00ae with Mick Yoder, who\u2019s long gone from the speaker team!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That must have been 1990.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This was way back when I was a very young dad, and he was a grandpa. I sat, as a co-speaker, listening to him speak. He said, \u201cI would have breakfast with my son each week.\u201d [I thought], \u201cI\u2019m going to do that!\u201d I went home, and I did it for three weeks. Then, I wasn\u2019t intentional to stay on it. There is some regret there.<\/p>\n<p>So, if you are a younger parent, put it in your calendar, have somebody hold you accountable, and do it; because you are going to wish, when you are my age, you didn\u2019t miss those days that God gave you, because they are going to go by fast. You get to seize the day now.<\/p>\n<p>David: You know, one of the most comforting things, as we have the conversation? 2 Corinthians 4 is coming to my mind, verse 7: \u201cBut we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, there are things we want to trust Him with, and we want our lives to pour out the Living Water to people around us and, especially, our kids. The freeing thing is, we aren\u2019t the Living Water.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>David: We are the jar of clay. There are cracks in our jar, and we have this treasure living inside of us, that we will not live out perfectly, but the Perfect One can flow through us to the next generation. There is freedom in that, to keep trusting God the next day.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I once heard a pastor say, \u201cGod uses crooked sticks to draw straight lines.\u201d Really, isn\u2019t that what parenting kind of is? We are crooked sticks, but we\u2019re in the hand of the One Who draws straight lines.<\/p>\n<p>As David said, we\u2019re not the Living Water. That\u2019s a good thing, because it releases us from the pressure to feel like a perfect parent.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today. I mentioned \u201cno perfect parents,\u201d and Dave and Ann Wilson have written a book called No Perfect Parents. It really helps give practical advice and biblical insight into the world of parenting. The Wilsons are phenomenal communicators, as you already know, sharing real life stories that will resonate with every parent.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is a unique season. I don\u2019t want you to miss out on the biggest sale that the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway is putting on. All registrations, right now, for the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway are half-price until September 16th. So, whether your marriage needs a boost, or you just want to grow closer as a couple, now is really the time to act. You can visit FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the Weekend to Remember banner to learn more and register.<\/p>\n<p>Now, coming up next week, we\u2019re going to hear insights from Tim Keller\u2019s The Meaning of Marriage as Dave and Ann Wilson discuss truth, love, and grace in your marriage relationships. That\u2019s next week. We hope you will join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1781127960;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"The logistical and emotional demands of school starting can be heavy! Join David and Meg Robbins for real talk on surviving back-to-school stress.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Don't miss out on our biggest sale of the season!<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\"> Weekend to Remember registrations are half price until September 16th<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-09-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Surviving Back-To-School Stress<\/p>\n<p>Guests:David and Meg Robbins<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Parenting Panic (Day 2 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 13, 2024<\/p>\n<p>David: There aren\u2019t perfectly wrapped bows, but each one of us is being shaped as we take steps of faith together and in our own unique ways; because these types of decisions you make\u2014whether to stay on a team or not for a few more months, or to stay in a whole sport or whether [to pare] down to one sport; whether to move and what that means for your family\u2014those are the times that you can choose to show a lot of empathy, yet form resilience in how you depend upon God together; a faithful God who will be with you. That\u2019s His promise: \u201c\u2026and lo, I will be with you always\u2026.\u201d [Mathew 28:20]<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wouldn\u2019t you love to have a program where we could just ask somebody that is wise questions about marriage and family?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, like, \u201cWhat do I do about this situation with my kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Well, today is the day!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Because you\u2019re here!<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014because the Robbinses get to flip the table, and we get to ask you questions. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Ask ya\u2019ll the questions!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s not what I\u2019m thinking.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m not thinking that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You know what? You guys have more kids than we have, so you win.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yours are grown.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You have four, and we have three.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: You are more tried and true.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You heard them. David and Meg Robbins are back with us. We actually have questions from\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014some young couples.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, couples that are raising kids. These are mostly in the Art of Parenting\u00ae. We\u2019re going to fire some at you.<\/p>\n<p>David: You get to participate, too.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: You can, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019ll participate.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I feel\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014currently in progress.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes. I was going to say, I feel like we need to give the caveat that we are still in the middle of it, so we are learning, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And we\u2019ve learned the hard way things not to do.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Which one do you want to start with? Do you want to do the one we were just talking about off air?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, let\u2019s do that one.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How do you know when you are coddling your kids, versus empathizing?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Or the reverse, showing tough love, versus being cruel or harsh? Here\u2019s an example: \u201cIf they want to quit piano lessons, do you let them quit, or do you make them stick with it?\u201d I mean, these are super practical things. Every single parent has faced this.<\/p>\n<p>David: This is real life.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s such a good question.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014sports, you name it.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014school. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: I would say, I flash back to what was modeled for me. I go to being\u2014I was probably eight, and I was trying out the swim team. I begged my dad, \u201cDad, I want to do the swim team. I want to do the swim team.\u201d I went to the first practice. I got home, and I didn\u2019t want to do the swim team anymore. [Laughter] I woke up, and I was so sore. We were having it out. That particular day, I was really being stubborn.<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cOkay, our commitment was that we would continue. We would go back the next day for sure and for a short season. That\u2019s what we committed to, so I\u2019ll go with you today. Let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oooh!<\/p>\n<p>David: He got his swimsuit on.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And he swims every lap. This is eight years old, not little league or anything like that [with] my dad getting on the field. [Laughter] But he went on and swam every lap that day\u2019s practice. It made me fall in love. I became a swimmer until I was 14.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>David: It was this subtle thing that we can\u2019t, obviously, always do. You can\u2019t get out on the little league field with your T-baller. But it is\u2014you can empathize. My dad did. He wasn\u2019t putting into a corner or into a closet what I felt. He was still also saying, \u201cBut we\u2019re going to do it, and we\u2019re going to be resilient.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I would go back to that time [thinking], \u201cRobbins: we see a commitment through.\u201d That\u2019s what my dad taught me. It doesn\u2019t mean it has to be my favorite thing forever, but if I commit to a certain thing, even if it\u2019s not going the way I want it to go, we\u2019re going to build some resilience and go do that.<\/p>\n<p>That ended up paying dividends in so many ways in my life.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: It\u2019s also teaching our kids: \u201cYou can do hard things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is Sissy Goff and David Thomas [of] Daystar Counseling. They always say that! \u201cYour kids can do hard things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But we hate it when our kids are in pain.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We do, and that\u2019s where empathy is a gift. As a mom, when one of our kids is hurting, I feel it so deeply.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Sometimes, I think, \u201cI probably shouldn\u2019t be feeling this so deeply,\u201d but I really think God has wired us that way so that we can empathize with them.<\/p>\n<p>Just like your dad did, it\u2019s, \u201cOkay, if they come home from a practice or a piano lesson, and they feel like their teacher has been really hard on them or is asking too much, it\u2019s listening, letting them process that, and asking them, \u2018How does that make you feel? Yes, that sounds hard. That would make me feel like I wasn\u2019t important\u2019,\u201d or whatever; just feeling it with them.<\/p>\n<p>But the fine line there is: \u201cYou can do hard things. That doesn\u2019t mean because it\u2019s hard, you walk away from it.\u201d If we did that as adults every time something got hard, I probably wouldn\u2019t be parenting anymore. [Laughter] There are so many things that are hard that come at us. Where did I learn to stick with it? Probably when I was growing up or different things that have happened in my life where I learned to persevere.<\/p>\n<p>We are promised by the Lord that we are going to have hard things, but we have to learn to persevere through that, and there are good things that come from that, and it\u2019s [our] helping our kids fight through those moments.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good. I went through this same kind of thing, but in the opposite way. I was in my senior year, going into track season. I had been in track for six years at that time. I told my dad (who was a coach; who was very athletic)\u2014I was the youngest of four, and everybody had been in sports; I said, \u201cHey, this year I\u2019ve decided not to go out for track.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My dad looked at me, and he said, \u201cThis is not happening. You are going out for track.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The season hadn\u2019t started, so I wasn\u2019t in the middle of the season. The season was just beginning, so I hadn\u2019t given a commitment, and I was not going out. He said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to go out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, I was sitting across from my dad. I said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not.\u201d It ended up that he refused to talk to me. He said, \u201cI will not talk to you unless you go out for track.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what I wish he would have done, because he manipulated me into it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Sure.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I felt so full of shame, and I already had a past of performance: \u201cWe\u2019re the best! We come home with first place!\u201d I had been successful, but I wish\u2014it\u2019s what you said, Meg; I wish\u2014he would have said: \u201cTell me why.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cTell me the things that you are feeling. It seems like you\u2019ve been really successful. You could go on, into college, if you want. There must be something deeper within that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Just that question, and [my answer] would have been, \u201cI feel so much pressure. I\u2019m running the last leg of the mile relay, and I\u2019m feeling all the weight.\u201d It determines who wins the meet. A lot of times if you are tight, it\u2019s that race. I had the last leg of that race. I had so much pressure on me. All we had to have done is have a great conversation: \u201cThere must be something deeper, if you don\u2019t want to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s going to change the answer, necessarily, if you are in the middle of the season, but I think that empathizing piece. Dave: What I love, that you wished would have happened, [is] the result would have been a connection, a meaningful connection\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014about what\u2019s behind it. You get into the thick of emotion for a parent, or what a parent feels, when a coach is mistreating\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014it gets soupy quickly. Yet how do we, in those moments, [remember] the main aim: \u201cHow do I connect to my kid\u2019s heart?\u201d That still means we can bring tough love if that\u2019s what it needs to follow through on our commitment, or \u201cNow that I know why, let\u2019s talk about that more. I\u2019m still not sure about that, Ann.\u201d You know, it can lead a lot of ways\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014but that primary [goal] of connecting to our kids.<\/p>\n<p>My mind probably was more predominantly going away from sports into when we are making decisions, as parents, that end up affecting our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What do you mean?<\/p>\n<p>David: There\u2019s \u201cWhether to take a job or not,\u201d \u201cWhether to move or not.\u201d It\u2019s a whole other realm of coddling. You can end up not listening to the Lord and getting paralyzed because you don\u2019t want to take steps of faith, because, \u201cWe need to keep this right here going.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014which is what you guys experienced!<\/p>\n<p>David: We keep\u2014all of us do. But what do you mean by that?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You made big decisions [about] moving your family.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I mean, you were living in New York.<\/p>\n<p>David: Sure; yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Then you moved. How old were your kids when you moved to Little Rock?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: They were sixth grade, fourth grade, second grade, and one.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014like a year and a half.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Give us that journey: you were there how many years?<\/p>\n<p>David: It ended up being two years. We were finally close to our parents and family. They live nearby, in Memphis and in Mississippi.<\/p>\n<p>I had someone who replaced another founder of an even bigger organization say, \u201cDavid, your number one job is walk with God and do what He says. You just stay committed to that, and it will be alright.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, when walking with God and doing what He says with a team all of a sudden moving the organization\u2019s headquarters started, this got really personal, because we were finally close to our parents.<\/p>\n<p>You always say, as God calls us, your kids in different stages of life, [are] part of the values. It is part of the journey. You don\u2019t put it to the side.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: But you\u2019ve got to know, as the Lord starts leading clearly, He\u2019s going to lead your kids, too. He has something in it for them also.<\/p>\n<p>I think, \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d That\u2019s a core belief of mine. \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d Well, back when I was in high school, we moved. We went down to not much. My mom went and had a job, and we had to restart life a little bit. Our resources were lower. We were some of the happiest people we\u2019d ever been, because we were following God to the next step He had for us.<\/p>\n<p>We ended up taking those steps of faith that the Lord had for our family. We had less than we ever had. Those were hard seasons, but it led to some of this beautiful simplicity that led to really joyful times in our home. It wasn\u2019t a perfect time, but joyful.<\/p>\n<p>It was Romans 12:2, \u201cDo not be conformed to this world,\u00a0but be transformed by\u00a0the renewal of your mind, that by testing, you may\u00a0discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>James 1, \u201cCount it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of many kinds,\u2026the testing of your faith produces steadfastness,\u201d [verses 3-4, Paraphrased] and it goes on to wisdom [that] \u201cmakes you perfect and complete, not lacking anything,\u201d which is Jesus in you. That\u2019s what He\u2019s doing in our lives as parents.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How have the moves\u2014and it\u2019s not just \u201cmove,\u201d it\u2019s \u201cmoves,\u201d affected your kids as you look at them now?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because I thought it was beautiful the way you brought your kids into this decision to move to Orlando.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Well, I remember the day that we told our kids that we would be moving to Orlando. Our oldest was in eighth grade at the time. He just was upset, visibly, as we all were. We were all in tears.<\/p>\n<p>David: We had just told staff that day, and we were telling kids that night.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes. You say what Ford said to you.<\/p>\n<p>David: He doesn\u2019t shut down. He\u2019s our verbal processor, and he shut down. He was going up the stairs after a long evening. I said, \u201cBuddy, just give me something. What are you feeling?\u201d He said, \u201cDad, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m angry at you or angry at God. All I know is I\u2019m really angry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What came out\u2014thankfully, the Lord was kind. I said, \u201cOh, Buddy. That makes a lot of sense to me. I want you to know I know God can handle your anger, and I can handle your anger, too. Come to us. Don\u2019t wall up; don\u2019t shut down. I\u2019m here for whatever the journey is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Those are the types of things that shape you. The story goes on.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: There are not perfectly wrapped bows, but each one of us is being shaped as we all take steps of faith together and in our own unique ways, because these types of decisions you make\u2014whether to stay on a team or not for a few more months, or to stay in a whole sport, or whether to [pare] down to one sport; whether to move and what that means for your family\u2014those are the times that you can choose to show a lot of empathy, yet form resilience in how you depend upon God together; a faithful God who will be with you. That\u2019s His promise! \u201c\u2026and lo, I will be with you always\u2026.\u201d [Mathew 28:20]<\/p>\n<p>There is no other guarantee other than He will be with us.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: It\u2019s gone well. The main thing, though, is He\u2019s been with us, and He keeps shaping us.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Sweet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Have you guys talked about\u2014or even now, think about\u2014mistakes you feel like [you made] or regrets [you have]. I remember, when our kids were little, I did a message once, a sermon: \u201cRegret-Free Parenting.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Ohhhh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Of course, we had little kids, so I had no idea what I was talking about. You can\u2019t live without regrets.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You have things that you wish\u2014so, I\u2019m wondering if those come to mind?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll tell a quick one, that our listeners have heard, about me. But I\u2019ll keep it really short, because they\u2019ve heard this story. My sons are older now. They\u2019re adults; married with kids. Two of them said to me that they felt like I was more intimate with the congregation than I was with them; basically sharing weakness and stories on stage in sermons that they never heard at home.<\/p>\n<p>When they said it, the second I heard it\u2014and I knew they had talked about this; this is not like an impromptu conversation. they had talked, and they both had felt it, so they both came to me.<\/p>\n<p>David: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But the second it came out, I knew they were right. [I didn\u2019t say], \u201cNo,\u201d but [said], \u201cOh, my goodness! I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It was one of those regrets that I couldn\u2019t change, but I can obviously do better now.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But as you think about mistakes or things you wish you would have [done]; as we help other parents think through, what are some of things like, \u201cOkay, that\u2019s a good learning for us, that we don\u2019t want to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: The one that comes to my mind is something that was so unintentional. Of course, I\u2019m not going to intentionally hurt my children; but recently, I was in a conversation with one of the kids. Something came up about a project that they were working on, but it had been a year-long thing. At some point along the way, he had changed the topic and the plan of the project. Something came up about it, and he said, \u201cThe only reason why I had chosen that other topic in the first place is because that\u2019s what you wanted me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It hit me so hard. I said, \u201cOh, my goodness. What do you mean?\u201d It turned out that I had made a comment about\u2014it was something they were going to work on for a whole year, so I said, \u201cPick something that is valuable, worth your time, and going to keep you in it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had probably downplayed one of the other ideas, not knowing just how attached he was to the other idea. He did change to the one he really wanted to do, and I was thrilled that he was able to change and do that. But as we talked about it months later, I had no idea that he was doing that to please me.<\/p>\n<p>As I thought about it, I think I actually teared up in the moment thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t believe he felt that way, and I didn\u2019t know it.\u201d So, I went back to him the next day, and I said, \u201cI want you to know that I\u2019m probably going to do that again unintentionally: say something, [but] I do not want to manipulate you.\u201d But I think he felt manipulated.<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cI would want, and invite, you to tell me when you feel that way in the moment, because I am a broken person. I\u2019m going to make mistakes, but my desire is for you to be who you are and for you to pursue the things that God has given you a passion for.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, I said, \u201cI am so sorry, because that was not my intention, but I totally see what you are saying.\u201d I had done that! Looking back, I wanted it to be a certain thing. That was probably my intention without me knowing it, if that makes sense.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We\u2019ve felt that with my parents, when they\u2019ve unintentionally made comments about things.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, remembering the weight of your words that end up being really sticky and heavy.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: A big lesson for anyone is going back as a parent and saying, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d And \u201cI invite you\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s huge for a kid to sense, \u201cMom and Dad really do invite me to speak something that\u2019s contrary to what they\u2019re thinking into their life.\u201d I think he knew you meant it, right? That\u2019s big.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too. That\u2019s good, Meg.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right. It led to a really good conversation, I think, of, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do it right all the time.\u201d I laughed and said, \u201cYou know that!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cYou know that I mess it up a lot; but I sometimes need you to let me know when you are feeling that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: For me, the thing that\u2019s coming to my mind is not this big moment. There are moments, and then there are ingrained patterns. How do we take to Jesus the ingrained patterns we have that can just come up when we hit our default, natural, living in our flesh mode?<\/p>\n<p>For me, I end up wanting to close the loop: \u201cAlright! We\u2019re done, and we\u2019re going to solve it this way.\u201d I\u2019m an activator. [Laughter] That can end up closing off a process. That can end up not letting them come up with their own decision. They end up having to say, \u201cAlright, I\u2019m going to do what Dad told me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not trying to over-function. I think part of it is, you get so many things going on at work, [and] you can only have so many open tabs at one time; so, \u201cAlright, we\u2019re going to close this tab.\u201d Even walking through the college decision process this year, I thought, \u201cThese tabs are still open.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s part of me activating on an ingrained pattern and saying, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to choose a different course for one of these big decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, the hard, small decisions when this comes up really quickly, I\u2019ve still got a lot of repentance, often, to do. I think that\u2019s one of those things I\u2019m seeking to grow actively in.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: One of the things I wish I would have done is, I wish I would have gotten some counseling, because we were struggling in our marriage. We all do. We go through these valleys, these peaks, these great times, these hard times; but in our early years, I was resentful of Dave and the time that he was spending away from home.<\/p>\n<p>That resentment, I carried it; I played with it in my head. That spews out in the home. It spewed out to the kids, where I was short; I was snappy. It wasn\u2019t them. I was thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s just this phase of life I\u2019m in.\u201d But the light on the dashboard was going off: \u201cGet help! Get help! Get your heart checked. Get your engine checked.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I wish that I would have understood that, if that\u2019s going on, especially if we had this area that kept cycling back and cycling back. If you have an area that keeps cycling back up, it\u2019s God\u2019s grace of saying, \u201cDeal with this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cLook at this. There\u2019s something deeper. It\u2019s not just that you have little kids. It\u2019s not just that you are busy, and you are tired. This is an area that, if it keeps cycling back, I want you to look under the hood and go deeper into.\u201d I wish I had gotten counseling earlier, because as the kids got older, that area was still there, and I was getting sleep, and I wasn\u2019t as tired.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: As a result, I think my frustration was taken out on the kids, often, because we just carry it, and it comes out as impatience. So, that\u2019s one thing.<\/p>\n<p>Our kids have given us so much grace, because I did continually apologize and ask for their forgiveness; but I think I would have been a better mom had we dealt with our marriage issues. You would have been so great with, \u201cYes, let\u2019s go get some help.\u201d But it was also back in the day that we really didn\u2019t know as many people that were in therapy. Now, I love that that is very common.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so helpful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So helpful. Go! Seriously. It\u2019s going to be one of the best gifts you give your kids.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Because you\u2019ll get to\u2014we said it earlier, at the very beginning: we bring family of origin stuff in, and then we parent out of that, and we pass it one. I wish\u2014yes, I agree.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What\u2019s yours, Dave?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I would say the one big one was I wish I had been more intentional about many things. We heard this when we were younger parents. Now, we are older, and we can say it\u2019s true: \u201cYou\u2019re going to blink, and they\u2019re going to be gone.\u201d You\u2019re literally going to be shocked at how fast it goes; and then, you are going to say, \u201cOh, I miss those\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>How many times did I say, \u201cI\u2019m going to do a weekly breakfast and ask them questions and impart spiritual truth?\u201d I remember doing a Weekend to Remember\u00ae with Mick Yoder, who\u2019s long gone from the speaker team!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That must have been 1990.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This was way back when I was a very young dad, and he was a grandpa. I sat, as a co-speaker, listening to him speak. He said, \u201cI would have breakfast with my son each week.\u201d [I thought], \u201cI\u2019m going to do that!\u201d I went home, and I did it for three weeks. Then, I wasn\u2019t intentional to stay on it. There is some regret there.<\/p>\n<p>So, if you are a younger parent, put it in your calendar, have somebody hold you accountable, and do it; because you are going to wish, when you are my age, you didn\u2019t miss those days that God gave you, because they are going to go by fast. You get to seize the day now.<\/p>\n<p>David: You know, one of the most comforting things, as we have the conversation? 2 Corinthians 4 is coming to my mind, verse 7: \u201cBut we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, there are things we want to trust Him with, and we want our lives to pour out the Living Water to people around us and, especially, our kids. The freeing thing is, we aren\u2019t the Living Water.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>David: We are the jar of clay. There are cracks in our jar, and we have this treasure living inside of us, that we will not live out perfectly, but the Perfect One can flow through us to the next generation. There is freedom in that, to keep trusting God the next day.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I once heard a pastor say, \u201cGod uses crooked sticks to draw straight lines.\u201d Really, isn\u2019t that what parenting kind of is? We are crooked sticks, but we\u2019re in the hand of the One Who draws straight lines.<\/p>\n<p>As David said, we\u2019re not the Living Water. That\u2019s a good thing, because it releases us from the pressure to feel like a perfect parent.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today. I mentioned \u201cno perfect parents,\u201d and Dave and Ann Wilson have written a book called No Perfect Parents. It really helps give practical advice and biblical insight into the world of parenting. The Wilsons are phenomenal communicators, as you already know, sharing real life stories that will resonate with every parent.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is a unique season. I don\u2019t want you to miss out on the biggest sale that the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway is putting on. All registrations, right now, for the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway are half-price until September 16th. So, whether your marriage needs a boost, or you just want to grow closer as a couple, now is really the time to act. You can visit FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the Weekend to Remember banner to learn more and register.<\/p>\n<p>Now, coming up next week, we\u2019re going to hear insights from Tim Keller\u2019s The Meaning of Marriage as Dave and Ann Wilson discuss truth, love, and grace in your marriage relationships. That\u2019s next week. We hope you will join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/295142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=295142"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=295142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=295142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=295142"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=295142"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=295142"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=295142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}