{"id":294943,"date":"2024-09-12T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-09-12T08:03:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T15:07:25","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T19:07:25","slug":"the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins\/","title":{"rendered":"The Parental Anxiety Struggle is Real: David &#038; Meg Robbins"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;ve ever struggled with parental anxiety or feelings of inadequacy as a parent, you&#8217;re not alone! David &#038; Meg Robbins share their experience with these feelings as parents along with encouragement and hope.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever struggled with parental anxiety or inadequacy? You&#8217;re not alone. David and Meg Robbins share their experience as parents along with encouragement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/a3cbee85-fefa-4c16-81e2-b1db00fb3160\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:11","filesize":"25.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-09-12 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[3027,2837,2838],"tags":[3094],"podcast_series":[3649],"cwp_profile":[3576],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-294943","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-burnout","category-fathers","category-mothers","tag-parenting-panic-david-meg-robbins","podcast_series-parenting-panic-david-meg-robbins","cwp_profile-david-and-meg-robbins","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/294943\/the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/294943\/the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"uVNzYg6dg5\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins\/\">The Parental Anxiety Struggle is Real: David &#038; Meg Robbins<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-parental-anxiety-struggle-is-real-david-meg-robbins\/embed\/#?secret=uVNzYg6dg5\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Parental Anxiety Struggle is Real: David &#038; Meg Robbins&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"uVNzYg6dg5\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["a3cbee85-fefa-4c16-81e2-b1db00fb3160"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/a3cbee85-fefa-4c16-81e2-b1db00fb3160\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:28:11"],"filesize":["25.85M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Don't miss out on our biggest sale of the season!<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\"> Weekend to Remember registrations are half price until September 16th<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>The Parental Anxiety Struggle is Real<\/p>\n<p>Guests:David and Meg Robbins<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Parenting Panic (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 12, 2024<\/p>\n<p>David: What can be paralyzing when you are a young couple [thinking], \u201cDo we want to have kids or not?\u201d is when you say, \u201cI need to be fully prepared now,\u201d or \u201cWe need to start a five-year plan to get prepared.\u201d Way to be well-meaning and intentional!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: At the same time, it\u2019s really [asking], \u201cHow are you bringing Jesus into current surrender in your own life?\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s preparing you the most.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk parenting today.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Let\u2019s do!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, we wrote a book called No Perfect Parents, but we actually have two perfect parents in the studio.<\/p>\n<p>David: Oh!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We do, don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Please!<\/p>\n<p>David: They are sitting right here.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have all the answers right here.<\/p>\n<p>David: Wow, guys. That\u2019s the worst set up of all time. I say that out loud.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: David and Meg Robbins; if you don\u2019t recognize their voices, that\u2019s who you are hearing.<\/p>\n<p>David: There you go! Good to be back.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Welcome back to FamilyLife.<\/p>\n<p>David: Good to be here, guys.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Always glad to be here.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It is interesting. We are at empty nest stage, as you know, and, actually, have been there\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014a while.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014quite a while. [Laughter] You guys are right in the thick of it with a senior, ready to head off to college.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ve got two different perspectives on parenting, so I think this could be a really good discussion.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019re going to talk about parent panic, not that any of us ever panicked as parents. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you feel any panic even right now, or can you talk about days where you did, or is it always constant?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes, and yes. [Laughter] I mean, I probably feel that more than you, I think. I\u2019m a pretty steady person, which is funny, but I think when it comes to\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014is she steady, David?<\/p>\n<p>David: I was attracted to her because of this mysterious, stable security Meg has and does live out. Yet, one of the things that gets wrapped around the axle is parenting.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: And when it does get challenging\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think because it\u2019s not about me and my life, as much as it is other people. I can be really hard on myself, or worried that I\u2019ve missed things, or feeling a little panicky about things. Panic is a strong word, so maybe I don\u2019t feel panicky.<\/p>\n<p>David: There are nights that you stay up saying, \u201cWe\u2019re wounding our kids forever.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, absolutely!<\/p>\n<p>David: And you play the tape of\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We are\u2014let\u2019s be honest. [Laughter] The thing is that we were shaped by our parents. And my parents are awesome, but there are things about growing up that shape you, even things that were meant for good; where I fell in the line up of being the youngest. I know that there are things that we are saying or doing that are impacting and shaping our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, it\u2019s just really hard for me to let go of those things, [and] let it be what God wants it to be and trust. That\u2019s a trust issue, ultimately.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>I think what\u2019s happening now, more and more in this younger generation coming up, [is] they\u2019ve watched their parents really struggle in their own marriages. As these kids are getting married, and now they are about to have a family, they can get a little panicky, too, wondering, \u201cShould we even do this? Should we have kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David and Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Which causes them to wait.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: They\u2019re having kids older now.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a whole other kind of panic.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There is a large group of people that are struggling with this. They\u2019re asking a lot of questions about it: \u201cShould we even have kids, because I\u2019m kind of messed up and my parents were messed up? Do I want to mess up another generation? It looks like culturally our world is messed up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Sure.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, you can understand how that would create this panic in their hearts about having a family.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: The fear wells up. You know, we worked with 20-somethings in New York City.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did they feel this?<\/p>\n<p>David: We definitely saw some of this. We definitely, first of all, saw people waiting to get married. There was no rush, if you were dating someone you loved, to get married. \u201cLet\u2019s see how this goes and make sure.\u201d But then, as a result, you get access to so much information.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: In a beautiful way, people are getting in touch with their stories and how they got shaped and the wounds that shaped them that get passed on to the next generation. I think that\u2019s a uniqueness of this generation: that those things together really do bring some concern. It can lead to fear, and, maybe for some, panic.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know if there was hesitancy as much as the weightiness of \u201cWhen?\u201d and \u201cShould we?\u201d There was a lot more to discern there rather than, \u201cHey, let\u2019s jump in after two to five years!\u201d It\u2019s a different conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: When you jumped in\u2014again, how many years ago? Your oldest is 17 years, right?<\/p>\n<p>David: Seventeen years ago, yes. We had a miscarriage, and then he was born five years into our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Our first was six years in. I felt\u2014I wonder what you guys felt\u2014completely unprepared. Part of it was [that] I came from a broken home [and] never really had dad. So, I remember looking at his crib\u2014CJ\u2014and literally praying: \u201cGod, I have no idea what to do. I\u2019m going to mess this kid up. Help me!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Obviously, your experience was a little different, but did you feel unprepared?<\/p>\n<p>David: In one way, we both come from parents [with] loving households; both parents were really involved. One of our biggest conflicts in marriage has been\u2014our pre-marriage counselor told us this: \u201cThe great thing for you and the really hard thing is you both have parents who really care and will be involved.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cHolidays, those are always going to be a challenge.\u201d It\u2019s been a beautiful challenge gift, you know?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: True.<\/p>\n<p>David: Praise God; not everyone has that. On the other side, even with great models, because they both were great models\u2014even with great models\u2014I\u2019d never changed a diaper. I had certainly never parented with someone else. That infant space for me felt [like], \u201cCan we just fast forward to the nine-month part where I can make him laugh?\u201d I totally felt unprepared.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I grew up babysitting. I was the youngest, but I did babysit a lot. I felt comfortable with some of those physical realities of babies being around, but there\u2019s really nothing like the responsibility of raising a child. It\u2019s really different when you are babysitting, and you are there for a few hours, than when you are completely responsible for this little, tiny human and all the years ahead that come with it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: So, I think, for sure, that was exciting but overwhelming, even though we had great role models.<\/p>\n<p>David: With our first, we jumped into it, and he has a chronic lung disease. He couldn\u2019t gain weight for six weeks until he got medicine.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes. Some people would say, \u201cAnd that\u2019s why I\u2019m not sure I want to get into this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, I [would say], \u201cOkay, here\u2019s what\u2019s true: century after century, God designed this as one of the best gifts; that you would tell your children and your children\u2019s children who God is, and that your marriage would somehow be an imperfect yet beautiful reflection to the next generation of how God relates.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It is imperfect, and our kids are going to have plenty to process with counselors someday; yet that\u2019s part of how God designed it. He redeems the [incomplete] places. He\u2019s always going to be faithful to point a perfect picture of a perfect Father to the next generation. He will redeem areas that are incomplete in the way I raised them.<\/p>\n<p>Century after century, decade after decade, year after year, God\u2019s faithful to keep pointing people to Him. We are doing the best we can. It\u2019s not going to be a perfect job. Yet I think the thrilling adventure of being part\u2014we\u2019re not the main character in the story; Jesus is! And we get to be a part of what He put into play of creating the next generation to live and to carry who He is forward.<\/p>\n<p>There are no guarantees in life! That\u2019s one of the hardest things about trusting Him; yet we get to participate in a small way in how He\u2019s been working generations before us. We get to participate in His redemption of our lineage. But you go through the Bible, and there was a lot of imperfect stuff happening!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yet, He\u2019s faithful to keep shaping. Most of us would say, \u201cDave, you didn\u2019t have a dad in the picture. Yet, God redeemed, and you\u2019re thankful to be alive to pass something on to the next generation with your kids and your grandkids. We\u2019re not in the grandkids phase, but seeing you guys (Dave and Ann) relate to your grandkids is such a beautiful thing.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, it\u2019s overwhelming. It will take more than it gives.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But talk about the \u201cbut\u201d part. What if you had never had\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014what you have now, how would you describe it to someone? Because it\u2019s hard to come up with words, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: One of the biggest \u201cbuts,\u201d I would say, is: I would not be shaped in the image of Jesus, His number one thing that He has for us. He has used parenting, probably more than anything else\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014without a doubt.<\/p>\n<p>David: Marriage may compete in there, but probably parenting more than anything else to shape me more and more into the image of His likeness, and to get the character and heart of God. It takes you to the end of yourself, but that\u2019s what trusting God is.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Certainly, there are hard things that come with parenting, and investing in our kids, and the fears or panicky things, but you just love them to the max all the time. And yes, do they sometimes drive us crazy?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes, but the things that we give up for them, the things we do for them without even thinking about it, [are] because that is how God made us to love them.<\/p>\n<p>Certainly, there are times where I have to look to Him. [Laughter] Like David said, it has been the most transformational thing in my life, without a doubt; just coming to the end of myself over and over, whether it\u2019s exhaustion in those early years where I have not slept in many nights, and \u201cI didn\u2019t know if I can make it another night!\u201d But I was at the end of myself, and God gave me the strength I needed. Not the night before; He gives it to me in that moment.<\/p>\n<p>Or in the teenage years, when I don\u2019t know what to do in a certain situation, and I\u2019m at a loss. I pray, \u201cOkay Lord, I need Your wisdom and discernment,\u201d and He shows up so faithfully.<\/p>\n<p>David: No matter what area of life it is, and we\u2019re talking about the potential of having kids, God gives you grace for the story He starts writing in your life.<\/p>\n<p>I think of a young couple out there who are discerning, \u201cLord, do you want us to open this category up or not?\u201d He can write the story. Sometimes, you may get to the point where you agree, \u201cWe don\u2019t know if we\u2019re ready, but let\u2019s open up the process of allowing Him to write the story.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There are also couples, I know, [who] are ready and may be listening to this and are struggling with infertility and [saying], \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair! I\u2019m so ready.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: He\u2019s writing that story, too. It\u2019s a really tender place. We get to trust Him for the grace tomorrow, whether that\u2019s a longing for a kid and you are struggling with infertility, or \u201cLet\u2019s see what God does. If He gives us a kid, He will give us grace and wisdom and truth for that day, but not before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It's our lot that He gives us in that moment, and He will be with us. That\u2019s His promise.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk about when you decide to have children, and God blesses you, and then you are\u2014and a lot of our listeners will relate to this; you want to raise them to be Christ followers.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: More than Christ followers! Fully-devoted, sold-out men and women of God when they are men and women.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014but they haven\u2019t had a model.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, like me, I came in, and I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s what I want. I\u2019ve never seen it.\u201d And I thought, \u201cI can\u2019t do it. I don\u2019t know exactly what that looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think a lot of our listeners are [thinking], \u201cOkay, I\u2019m there.\u201d You can get books and watch videos. Hopefully, you\u2019re listening to FamilyLife Today every single day, three times a day. [Laughter] But how would you encourage a couple, saying, \u201cI want to pass on something that I didn\u2019t get,\u201d or, maybe, \u201cI did get [it], but I still have the panic or the fear of \u2018I\u2019m not sure how to pass this on\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Take us into the Robbins family. How did you guys do this?<\/p>\n<p>David: The very first thing that comes to my mind, and we can go beyond this, but it\u2019s worth saying first: if you respond in faith and repentance often before Jesus with stuff you\u2019ve got going on in your own life, you\u2019re going to be a great model of a parent.<\/p>\n<p>People are caught more than they\u2019re taught. They\u2019re going to see a mom or a dad who has a soft heart toward Jesus and repents, and then trusts in faith for the next thing and knows how to trust God for things bigger than themselves. Okay, you\u2019re ready. If you are cultivating that lifestyle now, that\u2019s a huge part of it.<\/p>\n<p>You go beyond modeling, absolutely, but it\u2019s an active relationship with Jesus; faith and repentance, faith and repentance; growing with Him. That goes a long way.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I\u2019m sure we picked this up from other people around us. For us, it was people who were a little bit ahead in parenting and asking, \u201cWhat are they doing with their kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I remember starting that habit of, every night, we would read a Bible story, sing songs, and pray together. That lasted for a long time. All the kids shared a room for a long time. That helped it to be more of a family thing.<\/p>\n<p>Different stages look really different. There are times when I can feel like, \u201cThis has changed, and this is sad. I feel like we\u2019re dropping the ball that this isn\u2019t happening the same.\u201d Sometimes, it\u2019s when they get older, it\u2019s more showing up in those conversations.<\/p>\n<p>One of our kids likes to come in at 11 or 11:30 and process things at night. I think, \u201cI really wanted to turn the light off 30 minutes ago.\u201d But being available; what does it look like to listen? Sometimes, just listening [and] other times, it\u2019s [saying], \u201cOkay, let\u2019s pray about that,\u201d or \u201cHave you thought about\u2014what do you think the Lord thinks?\u201d Just asking questions sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>David: There is a lot of content help like listening to FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>David: But I love where you started there, Meg: looking to other people, who you trust around you, who are a little step ahead\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014me, too.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014still in it. But the community that we had when I think about those early years, man, it was very simple. Getting pizza on a Friday night with a family that was one step ahead was a lifeline. Those little moments would carry us toward intentionality and toward survival in a beautiful way. I\u2019m so grateful for the community that we had.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That friendship and, really, discipleship, I feel like, is critical.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: What can be paralyzing, when you are thinking about this if you are a young couple, thinking, \u201cDo we want to have kids or not?\u201d and all the ramifications of it, we play fast forward, and we say, \u201cI need to be fully prepared now,\u201d or \u201cWe need to start a five-year plan to get prepared.\u201d [Laughter] Way to be well-meaning and intentional.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: At the same time, it\u2019s really [asking], \u201cWhat are you doing in your own story and journey? How are you bringing Jesus into current surrender in your own life?\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s preparing you the most.<\/p>\n<p>You are not going to ladder up all the content to be prepared for stages zero through two and two through five. There is going to be help out there. Pursuing community\u2014that\u2019s a big one! Yet you don\u2019t want to be flippant about it. At the same time, you\u2019re walking with God, you are surrendering parts of your story; you can take this next step of faith.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What if a couple is\u2014their marriage isn\u2019t that great right now.<\/p>\n<p>David: Oh, good one.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Maybe they\u2019re just struggling a little bit, and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cShould we [have children]? My parents got divorced when they were ten years in. Is that going to happen to us? Should we attempt to have children if we\u2019re struggling still?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is sort of biographical, because we were struggling. My parents were divorced, so [we thought], \u201cShould we?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Well, Dave, what would you say first?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What you said earlier (or maybe both of you said it): \u201cGod will give you grace in the moment. He will give you grace in the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We knew\u2014and part of it was FamilyLife\u2019s teaching over the years in those days and still is\u2014that God wanted us to have kids. We believed it was God\u2019s plan for a Christian couple [to say], \u201cLet\u2019s multiply and fill the earth.\u201d So, we knew that wasn\u2019t a question. We both agreed, \u201cLet\u2019s do this. We don\u2019t know when.\u201d Then [we thought], \u201cWe\u2019re not ready.\u201d You said it earlier: we\u2019re never ready. You\u2019re never going to be ready!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: God gave us grace in the moment. Actually, our marriage survived; actually, it thrived, even though we were yelling at each other at night and getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers. It was all as hard as it could be, and like you said earlier, God developed our character in it, and God enabled us\u2014two flawed human beings\u2014to raise some remarkable young men, who married remarkable young women, who now have remarkable grandkids.<\/p>\n<p>If you would look at our family tree on a piece of paper, you would say, \u201cThis isn\u2019t going to come out well.\u201d [Laughter] But God stepped in and said, \u201cBut God\u2026I\u2019m going to change the legacy.\u201d So, that\u2019s my first thought: trust Him. Ann: Which doesn\u2019t mean\u2014we still failed our kids. They\u2019ve come to us and said, \u201cThese are the things that really hurt us,\u201d so it was not like it was a perfect picture.<\/p>\n<p>David: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But yes, that makes them have to trust and hope in Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Exactly. I\u2019ve tried to, when I\u2019m thinking through things like this, major life decisions or little things, I don\u2019t want fear to be the thing that keeps me from saying \u201cYes\u201d to the Lord.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Joshua 1:9, \u201cBe strong and courageous. Do not be afraid\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014\u201cdo not be afraid\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014\u201dbecause I\u2019m with you wherever you go.\u201d [Emphasis added]<\/p>\n<p>You said it a minute ago, Ann. It\u2019s like surrender: \u201cLord, I don\u2019t want to say \u2018No\u2019 to this because I am afraid. I want to have faith that will say, \u2018I trust what You are calling us to\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yes, having kids is the thing that has helped us work through a lot more of the stuff we needed to get to the bottom of in our own hearts and in our marriage. I don\u2019t think we\u2019re going to get to the point where we feel like, \u201cWe were really killing it! We\u2019ve got this. Now we\u2019re ready.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s interesting that you are talking about kids, because\u2014Meg, you don\u2019t know this, but\u2014one of our sons said this in a sermon, or maybe in our family room, because he\u2019s a preacher. I\u2019ll never forget him saying this\u2014I thought, \u201cI\u2019m learning from my son right now.\u201d He said, \u201cEvery decision made in fear is a bad decision.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It was a simple thought. I thought, \u201cIs there any exception to that? There has to be?\u201d I thought, \u201cI think there is no exception.\u201d Any decision made in fear is a bad decision, especially when you know there is a big God who is over all of it, and we don\u2019t have to be afraid.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Make that decision not in fear, and it will be the right decision.<\/p>\n<p>David: I think, back to the couple you [mentioned] in the question, Ann, about if we are not in a good place in our marriage: I will say, I have seen some couples say, \u201cLet\u2019s have a kid, and that will help us in our disconnection.\u201d I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s the right approach.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s not a good decision.<\/p>\n<p>David: But on the question, I say, \u201cAlright, are you both seeking to forgive frequently? Are you both seeking outside help? Are there healthy components, even if the dashboard is showing \u2018caution,\u2019 because you feel like it\u2019s a season that\u2019s hard?\u201d Because sometimes there are hard seasons.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: But if you are actively taking those types of steps of [saying], \u201cThere\u2019s confession in my life. I\u2019m pursuing the Lord. I may not feel really near to Him. but I\u2019m pursuing Him. There are friends in my life, so I\u2019m not isolated. We\u2019re getting counsel for some of the things we\u2019re walking through.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a lot of real-life stuff. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a reason to say, \u201cNo;\u201d to put a hold on having kids. Now, there would be certain situations, obviously, that if there are some real issues to work through first, then that\u2019s important. I would certainly never use kids as an escape to stay together.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Or any kind of abusive situation going on in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>David: Absolutely. Face those things first. But if it is: \u201cWe just feel kind of stuck, and we\u2019re not at our best,\u201d [then ask] \u201cAre there rhythms in our life pointing toward that trajectory still?\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re pursuing Jesus still; this is a just a season.\u201d That\u2019s very different than [where] there is abuse, or anger is taking root in a way that\u2019s controlling our home. It\u2019s important to differentiate those two.<\/p>\n<p>Pulling back up; just getting to the balcony of the conversation here, I do think of Psalm 127: \u201cBehold, children are heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.\u201d [Psalm 127:3] It is a great reminder: don\u2019t take counsel of your fears. Kids are a gift.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, it will stretch you, but that\u2019s part of trusting God. You get to be stretched from a place that will envelop you into God\u2019s love, and you will understand more about God\u2019s love for you, because you end up being this extension of: \u201cI can\u2019t believe I love this little human so much, even when this little human is driving me crazy.\u201d [Laughter] You get glimpses of who God is and His character and love toward you. Shelby: God will often use the difficult things in our lives to help mold and shape us into someone who is more like Jesus. Like David just said, we get to be a physical extension of God\u2019s love and care to our kids by being moms and dads. What a great way to not only care for other human beings, but get to know God more in the process.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann Wilson have written a book called No Perfect Parents. It\u2019s really a way to discover that you don\u2019t have to be perfect to be a parent. In fact, whatever this \u201cperfect parent\u201d myth is, [it] should be eradicated; because Dave and Ann give us some great biblical insight, and they talk about their own experiences in this book, [and] also give practical advice and share real life stories that resonate with every parent.<\/p>\n<p>This book can really help you to understand that you need to ditch some of the expectations you have as a parent, embrace reality, and discover how God can change your parenting.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy of No Perfect Parents by Dave and Ann Wilson by going online right now to FamilyLifeToday.com or clicking on our link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call and request your copy. Our number is 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know what? We\u2019re not perfect parents; we\u2019re also not perfect spouses. Sometimes, we need to be reminded of that and encouraged to be better spouses; to grow closer with our wife or husband and, at the same time, grow closer with God.<\/p>\n<p>The FamilyLife Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway is exactly the place that you can do that. Right now, if you register by September 16th, you can get 50 percent off. That\u2019s right: two registrations for the price of one. You can find a location that suits you and a time that will work well at FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the Weekend to Remember banner.<\/p>\n<p>Now, coming up tomorrow, David and Meg are going to be back with Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about strategies and practical tips for managing stress during the back-to-school season. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776462354;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ever struggled with parental anxiety or inadequacy? You're not alone. David and Meg Robbins share their experience as parents along with encouragement.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Don't miss out on our biggest sale of the season!<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\"> Weekend to Remember registrations are half price until September 16th<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-09-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>The Parental Anxiety Struggle is Real<\/p>\n<p>Guests:David and Meg Robbins<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Parenting Panic (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 12, 2024<\/p>\n<p>David: What can be paralyzing when you are a young couple [thinking], \u201cDo we want to have kids or not?\u201d is when you say, \u201cI need to be fully prepared now,\u201d or \u201cWe need to start a five-year plan to get prepared.\u201d Way to be well-meaning and intentional!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: At the same time, it\u2019s really [asking], \u201cHow are you bringing Jesus into current surrender in your own life?\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s preparing you the most.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk parenting today.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Let\u2019s do!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, we wrote a book called No Perfect Parents, but we actually have two perfect parents in the studio.<\/p>\n<p>David: Oh!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We do, don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Please!<\/p>\n<p>David: They are sitting right here.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have all the answers right here.<\/p>\n<p>David: Wow, guys. That\u2019s the worst set up of all time. I say that out loud.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: David and Meg Robbins; if you don\u2019t recognize their voices, that\u2019s who you are hearing.<\/p>\n<p>David: There you go! Good to be back.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Welcome back to FamilyLife.<\/p>\n<p>David: Good to be here, guys.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Always glad to be here.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It is interesting. We are at empty nest stage, as you know, and, actually, have been there\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014a while.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014quite a while. [Laughter] You guys are right in the thick of it with a senior, ready to head off to college.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ve got two different perspectives on parenting, so I think this could be a really good discussion.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019re going to talk about parent panic, not that any of us ever panicked as parents. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you feel any panic even right now, or can you talk about days where you did, or is it always constant?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes, and yes. [Laughter] I mean, I probably feel that more than you, I think. I\u2019m a pretty steady person, which is funny, but I think when it comes to\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014is she steady, David?<\/p>\n<p>David: I was attracted to her because of this mysterious, stable security Meg has and does live out. Yet, one of the things that gets wrapped around the axle is parenting.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: And when it does get challenging\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think because it\u2019s not about me and my life, as much as it is other people. I can be really hard on myself, or worried that I\u2019ve missed things, or feeling a little panicky about things. Panic is a strong word, so maybe I don\u2019t feel panicky.<\/p>\n<p>David: There are nights that you stay up saying, \u201cWe\u2019re wounding our kids forever.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, absolutely!<\/p>\n<p>David: And you play the tape of\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We are\u2014let\u2019s be honest. [Laughter] The thing is that we were shaped by our parents. And my parents are awesome, but there are things about growing up that shape you, even things that were meant for good; where I fell in the line up of being the youngest. I know that there are things that we are saying or doing that are impacting and shaping our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, it\u2019s just really hard for me to let go of those things, [and] let it be what God wants it to be and trust. That\u2019s a trust issue, ultimately.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>I think what\u2019s happening now, more and more in this younger generation coming up, [is] they\u2019ve watched their parents really struggle in their own marriages. As these kids are getting married, and now they are about to have a family, they can get a little panicky, too, wondering, \u201cShould we even do this? Should we have kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David and Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Which causes them to wait.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: They\u2019re having kids older now.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a whole other kind of panic.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There is a large group of people that are struggling with this. They\u2019re asking a lot of questions about it: \u201cShould we even have kids, because I\u2019m kind of messed up and my parents were messed up? Do I want to mess up another generation? It looks like culturally our world is messed up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Sure.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, you can understand how that would create this panic in their hearts about having a family.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: The fear wells up. You know, we worked with 20-somethings in New York City.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did they feel this?<\/p>\n<p>David: We definitely saw some of this. We definitely, first of all, saw people waiting to get married. There was no rush, if you were dating someone you loved, to get married. \u201cLet\u2019s see how this goes and make sure.\u201d But then, as a result, you get access to so much information.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: In a beautiful way, people are getting in touch with their stories and how they got shaped and the wounds that shaped them that get passed on to the next generation. I think that\u2019s a uniqueness of this generation: that those things together really do bring some concern. It can lead to fear, and, maybe for some, panic.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know if there was hesitancy as much as the weightiness of \u201cWhen?\u201d and \u201cShould we?\u201d There was a lot more to discern there rather than, \u201cHey, let\u2019s jump in after two to five years!\u201d It\u2019s a different conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: When you jumped in\u2014again, how many years ago? Your oldest is 17 years, right?<\/p>\n<p>David: Seventeen years ago, yes. We had a miscarriage, and then he was born five years into our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Our first was six years in. I felt\u2014I wonder what you guys felt\u2014completely unprepared. Part of it was [that] I came from a broken home [and] never really had dad. So, I remember looking at his crib\u2014CJ\u2014and literally praying: \u201cGod, I have no idea what to do. I\u2019m going to mess this kid up. Help me!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Obviously, your experience was a little different, but did you feel unprepared?<\/p>\n<p>David: In one way, we both come from parents [with] loving households; both parents were really involved. One of our biggest conflicts in marriage has been\u2014our pre-marriage counselor told us this: \u201cThe great thing for you and the really hard thing is you both have parents who really care and will be involved.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cHolidays, those are always going to be a challenge.\u201d It\u2019s been a beautiful challenge gift, you know?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: True.<\/p>\n<p>David: Praise God; not everyone has that. On the other side, even with great models, because they both were great models\u2014even with great models\u2014I\u2019d never changed a diaper. I had certainly never parented with someone else. That infant space for me felt [like], \u201cCan we just fast forward to the nine-month part where I can make him laugh?\u201d I totally felt unprepared.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I grew up babysitting. I was the youngest, but I did babysit a lot. I felt comfortable with some of those physical realities of babies being around, but there\u2019s really nothing like the responsibility of raising a child. It\u2019s really different when you are babysitting, and you are there for a few hours, than when you are completely responsible for this little, tiny human and all the years ahead that come with it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: So, I think, for sure, that was exciting but overwhelming, even though we had great role models.<\/p>\n<p>David: With our first, we jumped into it, and he has a chronic lung disease. He couldn\u2019t gain weight for six weeks until he got medicine.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes. Some people would say, \u201cAnd that\u2019s why I\u2019m not sure I want to get into this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, I [would say], \u201cOkay, here\u2019s what\u2019s true: century after century, God designed this as one of the best gifts; that you would tell your children and your children\u2019s children who God is, and that your marriage would somehow be an imperfect yet beautiful reflection to the next generation of how God relates.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It is imperfect, and our kids are going to have plenty to process with counselors someday; yet that\u2019s part of how God designed it. He redeems the [incomplete] places. He\u2019s always going to be faithful to point a perfect picture of a perfect Father to the next generation. He will redeem areas that are incomplete in the way I raised them.<\/p>\n<p>Century after century, decade after decade, year after year, God\u2019s faithful to keep pointing people to Him. We are doing the best we can. It\u2019s not going to be a perfect job. Yet I think the thrilling adventure of being part\u2014we\u2019re not the main character in the story; Jesus is! And we get to be a part of what He put into play of creating the next generation to live and to carry who He is forward.<\/p>\n<p>There are no guarantees in life! That\u2019s one of the hardest things about trusting Him; yet we get to participate in a small way in how He\u2019s been working generations before us. We get to participate in His redemption of our lineage. But you go through the Bible, and there was a lot of imperfect stuff happening!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yet, He\u2019s faithful to keep shaping. Most of us would say, \u201cDave, you didn\u2019t have a dad in the picture. Yet, God redeemed, and you\u2019re thankful to be alive to pass something on to the next generation with your kids and your grandkids. We\u2019re not in the grandkids phase, but seeing you guys (Dave and Ann) relate to your grandkids is such a beautiful thing.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, it\u2019s overwhelming. It will take more than it gives.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But talk about the \u201cbut\u201d part. What if you had never had\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014what you have now, how would you describe it to someone? Because it\u2019s hard to come up with words, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: One of the biggest \u201cbuts,\u201d I would say, is: I would not be shaped in the image of Jesus, His number one thing that He has for us. He has used parenting, probably more than anything else\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014without a doubt.<\/p>\n<p>David: Marriage may compete in there, but probably parenting more than anything else to shape me more and more into the image of His likeness, and to get the character and heart of God. It takes you to the end of yourself, but that\u2019s what trusting God is.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Certainly, there are hard things that come with parenting, and investing in our kids, and the fears or panicky things, but you just love them to the max all the time. And yes, do they sometimes drive us crazy?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes, but the things that we give up for them, the things we do for them without even thinking about it, [are] because that is how God made us to love them.<\/p>\n<p>Certainly, there are times where I have to look to Him. [Laughter] Like David said, it has been the most transformational thing in my life, without a doubt; just coming to the end of myself over and over, whether it\u2019s exhaustion in those early years where I have not slept in many nights, and \u201cI didn\u2019t know if I can make it another night!\u201d But I was at the end of myself, and God gave me the strength I needed. Not the night before; He gives it to me in that moment.<\/p>\n<p>Or in the teenage years, when I don\u2019t know what to do in a certain situation, and I\u2019m at a loss. I pray, \u201cOkay Lord, I need Your wisdom and discernment,\u201d and He shows up so faithfully.<\/p>\n<p>David: No matter what area of life it is, and we\u2019re talking about the potential of having kids, God gives you grace for the story He starts writing in your life.<\/p>\n<p>I think of a young couple out there who are discerning, \u201cLord, do you want us to open this category up or not?\u201d He can write the story. Sometimes, you may get to the point where you agree, \u201cWe don\u2019t know if we\u2019re ready, but let\u2019s open up the process of allowing Him to write the story.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There are also couples, I know, [who] are ready and may be listening to this and are struggling with infertility and [saying], \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair! I\u2019m so ready.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: He\u2019s writing that story, too. It\u2019s a really tender place. We get to trust Him for the grace tomorrow, whether that\u2019s a longing for a kid and you are struggling with infertility, or \u201cLet\u2019s see what God does. If He gives us a kid, He will give us grace and wisdom and truth for that day, but not before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It's our lot that He gives us in that moment, and He will be with us. That\u2019s His promise.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk about when you decide to have children, and God blesses you, and then you are\u2014and a lot of our listeners will relate to this; you want to raise them to be Christ followers.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: More than Christ followers! Fully-devoted, sold-out men and women of God when they are men and women.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014but they haven\u2019t had a model.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, like me, I came in, and I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s what I want. I\u2019ve never seen it.\u201d And I thought, \u201cI can\u2019t do it. I don\u2019t know exactly what that looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think a lot of our listeners are [thinking], \u201cOkay, I\u2019m there.\u201d You can get books and watch videos. Hopefully, you\u2019re listening to FamilyLife Today every single day, three times a day. [Laughter] But how would you encourage a couple, saying, \u201cI want to pass on something that I didn\u2019t get,\u201d or, maybe, \u201cI did get [it], but I still have the panic or the fear of \u2018I\u2019m not sure how to pass this on\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Take us into the Robbins family. How did you guys do this?<\/p>\n<p>David: The very first thing that comes to my mind, and we can go beyond this, but it\u2019s worth saying first: if you respond in faith and repentance often before Jesus with stuff you\u2019ve got going on in your own life, you\u2019re going to be a great model of a parent.<\/p>\n<p>People are caught more than they\u2019re taught. They\u2019re going to see a mom or a dad who has a soft heart toward Jesus and repents, and then trusts in faith for the next thing and knows how to trust God for things bigger than themselves. Okay, you\u2019re ready. If you are cultivating that lifestyle now, that\u2019s a huge part of it.<\/p>\n<p>You go beyond modeling, absolutely, but it\u2019s an active relationship with Jesus; faith and repentance, faith and repentance; growing with Him. That goes a long way.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I\u2019m sure we picked this up from other people around us. For us, it was people who were a little bit ahead in parenting and asking, \u201cWhat are they doing with their kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I remember starting that habit of, every night, we would read a Bible story, sing songs, and pray together. That lasted for a long time. All the kids shared a room for a long time. That helped it to be more of a family thing.<\/p>\n<p>Different stages look really different. There are times when I can feel like, \u201cThis has changed, and this is sad. I feel like we\u2019re dropping the ball that this isn\u2019t happening the same.\u201d Sometimes, it\u2019s when they get older, it\u2019s more showing up in those conversations.<\/p>\n<p>One of our kids likes to come in at 11 or 11:30 and process things at night. I think, \u201cI really wanted to turn the light off 30 minutes ago.\u201d But being available; what does it look like to listen? Sometimes, just listening [and] other times, it\u2019s [saying], \u201cOkay, let\u2019s pray about that,\u201d or \u201cHave you thought about\u2014what do you think the Lord thinks?\u201d Just asking questions sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>David: There is a lot of content help like listening to FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>David: But I love where you started there, Meg: looking to other people, who you trust around you, who are a little step ahead\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014me, too.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014still in it. But the community that we had when I think about those early years, man, it was very simple. Getting pizza on a Friday night with a family that was one step ahead was a lifeline. Those little moments would carry us toward intentionality and toward survival in a beautiful way. I\u2019m so grateful for the community that we had.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That friendship and, really, discipleship, I feel like, is critical.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: What can be paralyzing, when you are thinking about this if you are a young couple, thinking, \u201cDo we want to have kids or not?\u201d and all the ramifications of it, we play fast forward, and we say, \u201cI need to be fully prepared now,\u201d or \u201cWe need to start a five-year plan to get prepared.\u201d [Laughter] Way to be well-meaning and intentional.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>David: At the same time, it\u2019s really [asking], \u201cWhat are you doing in your own story and journey? How are you bringing Jesus into current surrender in your own life?\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s preparing you the most.<\/p>\n<p>You are not going to ladder up all the content to be prepared for stages zero through two and two through five. There is going to be help out there. Pursuing community\u2014that\u2019s a big one! Yet you don\u2019t want to be flippant about it. At the same time, you\u2019re walking with God, you are surrendering parts of your story; you can take this next step of faith.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What if a couple is\u2014their marriage isn\u2019t that great right now.<\/p>\n<p>David: Oh, good one.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Maybe they\u2019re just struggling a little bit, and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cShould we [have children]? My parents got divorced when they were ten years in. Is that going to happen to us? Should we attempt to have children if we\u2019re struggling still?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is sort of biographical, because we were struggling. My parents were divorced, so [we thought], \u201cShould we?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Well, Dave, what would you say first?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What you said earlier (or maybe both of you said it): \u201cGod will give you grace in the moment. He will give you grace in the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We knew\u2014and part of it was FamilyLife\u2019s teaching over the years in those days and still is\u2014that God wanted us to have kids. We believed it was God\u2019s plan for a Christian couple [to say], \u201cLet\u2019s multiply and fill the earth.\u201d So, we knew that wasn\u2019t a question. We both agreed, \u201cLet\u2019s do this. We don\u2019t know when.\u201d Then [we thought], \u201cWe\u2019re not ready.\u201d You said it earlier: we\u2019re never ready. You\u2019re never going to be ready!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: God gave us grace in the moment. Actually, our marriage survived; actually, it thrived, even though we were yelling at each other at night and getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers. It was all as hard as it could be, and like you said earlier, God developed our character in it, and God enabled us\u2014two flawed human beings\u2014to raise some remarkable young men, who married remarkable young women, who now have remarkable grandkids.<\/p>\n<p>If you would look at our family tree on a piece of paper, you would say, \u201cThis isn\u2019t going to come out well.\u201d [Laughter] But God stepped in and said, \u201cBut God\u2026I\u2019m going to change the legacy.\u201d So, that\u2019s my first thought: trust Him. Ann: Which doesn\u2019t mean\u2014we still failed our kids. They\u2019ve come to us and said, \u201cThese are the things that really hurt us,\u201d so it was not like it was a perfect picture.<\/p>\n<p>David: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But yes, that makes them have to trust and hope in Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Exactly. I\u2019ve tried to, when I\u2019m thinking through things like this, major life decisions or little things, I don\u2019t want fear to be the thing that keeps me from saying \u201cYes\u201d to the Lord.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Joshua 1:9, \u201cBe strong and courageous. Do not be afraid\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014\u201cdo not be afraid\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014\u201dbecause I\u2019m with you wherever you go.\u201d [Emphasis added]<\/p>\n<p>You said it a minute ago, Ann. It\u2019s like surrender: \u201cLord, I don\u2019t want to say \u2018No\u2019 to this because I am afraid. I want to have faith that will say, \u2018I trust what You are calling us to\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yes, having kids is the thing that has helped us work through a lot more of the stuff we needed to get to the bottom of in our own hearts and in our marriage. I don\u2019t think we\u2019re going to get to the point where we feel like, \u201cWe were really killing it! We\u2019ve got this. Now we\u2019re ready.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s interesting that you are talking about kids, because\u2014Meg, you don\u2019t know this, but\u2014one of our sons said this in a sermon, or maybe in our family room, because he\u2019s a preacher. I\u2019ll never forget him saying this\u2014I thought, \u201cI\u2019m learning from my son right now.\u201d He said, \u201cEvery decision made in fear is a bad decision.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It was a simple thought. I thought, \u201cIs there any exception to that? There has to be?\u201d I thought, \u201cI think there is no exception.\u201d Any decision made in fear is a bad decision, especially when you know there is a big God who is over all of it, and we don\u2019t have to be afraid.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Make that decision not in fear, and it will be the right decision.<\/p>\n<p>David: I think, back to the couple you [mentioned] in the question, Ann, about if we are not in a good place in our marriage: I will say, I have seen some couples say, \u201cLet\u2019s have a kid, and that will help us in our disconnection.\u201d I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s the right approach.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s not a good decision.<\/p>\n<p>David: But on the question, I say, \u201cAlright, are you both seeking to forgive frequently? Are you both seeking outside help? Are there healthy components, even if the dashboard is showing \u2018caution,\u2019 because you feel like it\u2019s a season that\u2019s hard?\u201d Because sometimes there are hard seasons.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: But if you are actively taking those types of steps of [saying], \u201cThere\u2019s confession in my life. I\u2019m pursuing the Lord. I may not feel really near to Him. but I\u2019m pursuing Him. There are friends in my life, so I\u2019m not isolated. We\u2019re getting counsel for some of the things we\u2019re walking through.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a lot of real-life stuff. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a reason to say, \u201cNo;\u201d to put a hold on having kids. Now, there would be certain situations, obviously, that if there are some real issues to work through first, then that\u2019s important. I would certainly never use kids as an escape to stay together.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Or any kind of abusive situation going on in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>David: Absolutely. Face those things first. But if it is: \u201cWe just feel kind of stuck, and we\u2019re not at our best,\u201d [then ask] \u201cAre there rhythms in our life pointing toward that trajectory still?\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re pursuing Jesus still; this is a just a season.\u201d That\u2019s very different than [where] there is abuse, or anger is taking root in a way that\u2019s controlling our home. It\u2019s important to differentiate those two.<\/p>\n<p>Pulling back up; just getting to the balcony of the conversation here, I do think of Psalm 127: \u201cBehold, children are heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.\u201d [Psalm 127:3] It is a great reminder: don\u2019t take counsel of your fears. Kids are a gift.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, it will stretch you, but that\u2019s part of trusting God. You get to be stretched from a place that will envelop you into God\u2019s love, and you will understand more about God\u2019s love for you, because you end up being this extension of: \u201cI can\u2019t believe I love this little human so much, even when this little human is driving me crazy.\u201d [Laughter] You get glimpses of who God is and His character and love toward you. Shelby: God will often use the difficult things in our lives to help mold and shape us into someone who is more like Jesus. Like David just said, we get to be a physical extension of God\u2019s love and care to our kids by being moms and dads. What a great way to not only care for other human beings, but get to know God more in the process.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann Wilson have written a book called No Perfect Parents. It\u2019s really a way to discover that you don\u2019t have to be perfect to be a parent. In fact, whatever this \u201cperfect parent\u201d myth is, [it] should be eradicated; because Dave and Ann give us some great biblical insight, and they talk about their own experiences in this book, [and] also give practical advice and share real life stories that resonate with every parent.<\/p>\n<p>This book can really help you to understand that you need to ditch some of the expectations you have as a parent, embrace reality, and discover how God can change your parenting.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy of No Perfect Parents by Dave and Ann Wilson by going online right now to FamilyLifeToday.com or clicking on our link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call and request your copy. Our number is 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know what? We\u2019re not perfect parents; we\u2019re also not perfect spouses. Sometimes, we need to be reminded of that and encouraged to be better spouses; to grow closer with our wife or husband and, at the same time, grow closer with God.<\/p>\n<p>The FamilyLife Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway is exactly the place that you can do that. Right now, if you register by September 16th, you can get 50 percent off. That\u2019s right: two registrations for the price of one. You can find a location that suits you and a time that will work well at FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the Weekend to Remember banner.<\/p>\n<p>Now, coming up tomorrow, David and Meg are going to be back with Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about strategies and practical tips for managing stress during the back-to-school season. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/294943","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=294943"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=294943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=294943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=294943"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=294943"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=294943"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=294943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}