{"id":294150,"date":"2024-09-10T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-09-10T08:34:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T15:09:13","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T19:09:13","slug":"what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray\/","title":{"rendered":"What If I Feel Anger at God: Rechab &#038; Brittany Gray"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever felt anger at God, or worry that He&#8217;s punishing you? After tough diagnoses and loss, Rechab and Brittany Gray did. Hear what they&#8217;ve learned as they join Dave and Ann Wilson to share their story of hardship and trust.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever felt anger at God, or worry that He&#8217;s punishing you? After tough diagnoses and loss, Rechab and Brittany Gray did. Hear what they&#8217;ve learned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/80a3b08a-b90f-4c44-b390-b1db00fb315d\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:04","filesize":"22.98M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-09-10 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,2822,2866],"tags":[3005],"podcast_series":[9960],"cwp_profile":[9971],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-294150","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-spiritual-disciplines-essentials-faith","tag-god-whos-in-it-rechab-brittany-gray","podcast_series-god-whos-in-it-rechab-brittany-gray","cwp_profile-rechab-and-brittany-gray","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/294150\/what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/294150\/what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MnJQnzC9jR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray\/\">What If I Feel Anger at God: Rechab &#038; Brittany Gray<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-if-i-feel-anger-at-god-rechab-brittany-gray\/embed\/#?secret=MnJQnzC9jR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What If I Feel Anger at God: Rechab &#038; Brittany Gray&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"MnJQnzC9jR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["80a3b08a-b90f-4c44-b390-b1db00fb315d"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/80a3b08a-b90f-4c44-b390-b1db00fb315d\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:25:04"],"filesize":["22.98M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/rechab-gray\/\">More from Rechab on FamilyLife Today<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Read articles by Rechab on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thegospelcoalition.org\/profile\/rechab-gray\/\">The Gospel Coalition's website<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Don't miss out on our biggest sale of the season!<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\"> Weekend to Remember registrations are half price until September 16th<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>What If I Feel Anger at God?<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Rechab and Brittany Gray<\/p>\n<p>From the series:God Who's Over It, God Who's In It (Day 2 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 10, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Our daughter got sick. She started complaining of chest pain. We showed up to the hospital, and they start telling me, \u201cI think we\u2019re going to have to intubate her.\u201d By this time, I am realizing this is worse than I recognized. I hit up Britt: \u201cHey, this just took a major turn. This ain\u2019t looking good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And I\u2019m Dave Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Rechab and Brittany Gray are back in the studio. Do you guys like being here? You look like you do.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re smiling.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a set-up. [Laughter] \u201cNo, we hate it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What else are you going to say?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: If you didn\u2019t listen yesterday, go back. That was just powerful. You shared about how you met, your family, memorizing Scriptures, and discipleship and why that [matters].<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And, by the way, if you didn\u2019t listen yesterday, and you think, \u201cOh, I memorize Scripture.\u201d No, you don\u2019t. [Laughter] Not compared to Rechab. We\u2019re talking about books of the Bible, and he recited some of them. It was so, so powerful.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things you mentioned yesterday was your story, in your family. We know something the listeners don\u2019t. You\u2019ve had quite a journey with one of your daughters. Take us on that journey.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, I can lead up into the journey. Our two oldest kids have Sickle Cell Disease. It\u2019s a disease that primarily affects black folks, really Africans, but also Indians, I believe.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a small portion of the population that\u2019s actually affected, from even the black population. Me and my wife share the trait, but then our two oldest actually got the disease. The way it affects them is what is called a \u201ccrisis,\u201d where the blood cells start to \u201csickle.\u201d They start to form a weird v-shape, and then, when that happens, there is intense pain in that place. It\u2019s not a sore, dull pain, but more like a stabbing pain in that particular spot.<\/p>\n<p>In arms or legs or anything like that, it creates crazy pain. In organs, it can be very serious or even fatal. When our kids were younger, living in Philly, one of them was hospitalized at least monthly or bimonthly. It was all of the time we were in the hospital.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They had already been diagnosed?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, already diagnosed.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: It\u2019s a newborn screening now.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, okay.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I think, for Aaron, one of the ways we knew something was off was that he had dactylitis, which is where his hand swelled up.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Three months old was when he had his first crisis with the swelling of his hands.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Brittany, take us back to that, even when they had the diagnosis\u2014As a mom and dad, you\u2019re living out your fears. How did you deal with that?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: I remember the day when we found out about Aaron. We were shopping for baby gear in Target when I got the phone call. I was absolutely devastated. We were twenty-two years old, still in school.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, you were babies?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were; we were.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: We look like babies still.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is a heavy burden to carry.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes. No one in our family had ever had it, so we didn\u2019t know anyone with the disease. We just learned about it in Science class. Of course, we were prepared, because we knew we had the trait. The doctors will ask you many, many times: \u201cAre you sure you don\u2019t want your baby tested before they are born? Make sure you are prepared?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We absolutely said, \u201cNo. We are going to have this baby and take care of this baby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You were going to keep that baby.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Absolutely, absolutely. We were undoubtedly sure we were going to have our child, and if the baby came with Sickle Cell, we\u2019d know early, and we were going to be prepared. We had done a lot of research. Amazingly, the Children\u2019s Hospital of Philadelphia is one of the best hospitals in the country and one of the top research hospitals for Sickle Cell Disease. God orchestrated that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Take me back. I\u2019m thinking of myself as a young mom. You\u2019re already feeling vulnerable; you\u2019re feeling out of sorts because you have a baby. Take me back to your prayer when you first heard and how you guys processed that as a couple.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Whew.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Do you still remember that time?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I remember when we got the call. I remember breaking down, crying.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: At Target?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: In Target, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really? You just broke down?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes. They had a little bench by the pharmacy section. I just sat down and cried.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I remember getting home and knelt down on the side of the bed. You were sitting on the bed. I wept deeply, and we prayed together that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014were you mad at God?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Hmm. That\u2019s a good question. It\u2019s why you do what you do!<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Honestly, my first thought was that it was a punishment for our sin\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014oh.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: \u2014because we had gotten pregnant before we were married. So, that was my first thought. \u201cOh, Lord, You are punishing us for sin.\u201d I had to let that go quickly, because he was such a blessing. [Tears] I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I think that was my first thought. I don\u2019t know if you recall\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014do you think other people think that? When a baby gets sick, they wonder, \u201cIs this because of my sin or something in my past?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, for sure. We had so many reasons to feel that way. We had gotten off to a horrible start. She wasn\u2019t a believer that whole time. I got the opportunity to lead her to Christ, in spite of me, not because of me.<\/p>\n<p>We had sex long before she became a Christian; took this long break, and then she got curious about Christ. I said, \u201cMan, we can\u2019t do this friendship thing anymore.\u201d And that day she said, \u201cAlright, I\u2019ll try Jesus,\u201d and she prayed to receive Christ. \u201cHit me up.\u201d Do you remember what you said?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: \u201cJesus is real.\u201d My eyes were opened.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes. It was like the lights came on. And for her, that was such a big deal, because I remember how much she had gotten to the point of hating the Lord. So, God restored all that. I remember her taking communion the next Sunday, and that was a big deal. [She] immediately became a worshiper. I saw somebody go from darkness to light.<\/p>\n<p>We had this long season, almost a year and some change, where we didn\u2019t touch. We didn\u2019t hold hands. We were so afraid of crossing the line.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were together every day, though. We were in the same classes in school. So, we were studying together every day, we were working together, but we did not touch each other.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes. We didn\u2019t touch each other.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: At all.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: And then it was my birthday, I think. I went to her crib, and because it was my birthday I felt, \u201cOh, I can give her a birthday kiss.\u201d And we went right back into sin.<\/p>\n<p>So, for us, it really did feel like it would be a rightful punishment, because, \u201cYou redeemed us, You restored us. And we decided, after You did this wonderful thing, to go back to what we knew was vomit.\u201d But, even when we are faithless, God remains faithful. He gave us a gift we didn\u2019t even know we needed; through sin, though. That might sound so weird, but the cross is that picture.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s that amazing grace.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, yes. Every other god\u2014that\u2019s why I don\u2019t mess with other gods. Every other god is like the good guy, and he has to work around the bad guys. Our God says, \u201cI\u2019m so good, and so in control, I can use the bad guys to pull off good.\u201d That\u2019s the cross.<\/p>\n<p>The worst thing that ever happened in human history is killing the innocent son of God.<\/p>\n<p>The greatest thing that ever happened in human history is the son of God dying on the cross for our sins.<\/p>\n<p>He doesn\u2019t have to work around sinners; He works through it. He worked through sin to put sin to death. That\u2019s Sovereign control right there; but it doesn\u2019t absolve the sinner. The sinner needs to come to the same grace that He used in order to overcome that sin.<\/p>\n<p>I just thank the Lord for His redeeming hand and redeeming us from that pain, and then the double pain of feeling like we were being punished, because God gave us such an incredible gift in our firstborn son, Aaron.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, He wasn\u2019t punishing you. You came to that realization.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: No, no. It took a while for us to realize it, but when I say, \u201cWe realized it\u2026\u201d He\u2019s like a mini-me.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Brittany is shaking her head.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I will share one story, though, that was really hard. We were in the hospital\u2014he had to be two or three, and they couldn\u2019t figure out why he was sickling so much. They started sickling in his head, complaining of a headache; and then, his head started physically swelling up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: And you have to imagine a two- or three-year-old\u2014your child, sitting there swelling up. This was the moment I was angry. I was thinking, \u201cPunish me. Do something to me, and let me suffer. It\u2019s too much for him.\u201d He can\u2019t talk, he can\u2019t lift his\u2014anything.<\/p>\n<p>In my anger\u2014and this is what\u2019s so good about our God. My mentor says this all the time [that] we have this saying in Christianity that he hates, \u201cI\u2019m not sure if you should say that to God.\u201d Here\u2019s what he says, \u201cEvery horrible question you can think of is actually an inspired Scripture.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Just go read the Psalms. \u201cWhere are You? Are You there? What\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWhat are You doing?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u201cWhat are You doing? How long are You going to have us go through this?\u201d So, we can ask hard questions in pain and agony. I went to the Lord and said, \u201cI don\u2019t get this. You are going to have to show me something.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I just opened the Bible. I literally just put it on the bathroom sink. He led me to a Psalm\u2014I believe it\u2019s Psalm 34, but I just can\u2019t remember. I walked through that Psalm, and I remember walking out of that bathroom, feeling so much peace. Even though I\u2019m looking at the back of my son\u2019s head, and it is still as big as it was.<\/p>\n<p>I came around to the front and, oh man, in that moment he cracks a smile. In that moment, it was like his cracking of a smile was like the Father\u2019s touch on his daddy\u2019s shoulder. I already knew God was good. Within the hour\u2014within the hour!\u2014the swelling completely went down.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, it was like the peace came before the healing, which was such a major, major moment in our lives. That moment taught us to trust the Lord through the valley of the shadow of death, not just before and after. [Psalm 23:4]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: So, that was just a really, really big deal.<\/p>\n<p>You had asked yesterday about the gap between our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: It was because of that; both of them having Sickle cell disease.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There\u2019s ten years between the two older and the two younger.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes; we had decided we weren\u2019t going to have any more kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re done, because\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014because we don\u2019t want to put any other child through this.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What changed?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, what changed, babe?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: She\u2019s still crying.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Brittany is still wiping her tears. I\u2019m crying with you.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Ironically, God taking us away from our comfort, and the place we thought we would be forever\u2014our home where we were at, and placing us in a new, uncomfortable environment, but with some wonderful, gracious friends who knew how to ask those challenging questions.<\/p>\n<p>They didn\u2019t shy away from really asking us to inquire of the Lord. They kept saying, \u201cYou guys sound like you want more kids. You\u2019re not sounding like you are final in your decision.\u201d And we\u2019d reply, \u201cYes, but we are good with what we have, but we\u2019d love some more.\u201d We just kept going back and forth. And this was\u2014our daughter was seven at that point, and we were still struggling with the Lord: \u201cWhat do you want us to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And had they\u2014had your son and daughter\u2014gone through some other experiences\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and health issues that were hard?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes, regularly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, it\u2019s ongoing.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Our daughter lost her spleen. They have both been through multiple bouts of pneumonia.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ugh. That\u2019s exhausting in every way.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Physically, spiritually, mentally. So, you are wondering, \u201cCan we do it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, legit.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were challenged to pray again, which we hadn\u2019t done in a long time. And of course, God said, \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to have some more babies.\u201d We were excited to try again, but man, we were so nervous. Man, were really nervous.<\/p>\n<p>So, we did. We tried again, and we got pregnant really fast when we tried again. And then we had a miscarriage with that first one. We lost Joseph at eight weeks. [Tears]<\/p>\n<p>We were sad, devastated, but we said, \u201cLord, you said you were going to give us another one, so let\u2019s try again.\u201d Once again, it happened so easily. \u201cMan, this must be from the Lord.\u201d Then, He took our next one.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ugh.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We lost Ariella at nine weeks. That was all in one year. May and October, we lost both babies.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Eight and nine weeks. That\u2019s really hard.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes, it\u2019s hard. We talked about this with another person. Once you have those experiences, and you vocalize them, you realize: \u201cThis is happening to everyone around us. We\u2019re just not talking about it.\u201d Multiple of our friends came around us and said, \u201cWe had this happen.\u201d We thought, \u201cOh. This happens often, very often.\u201d I had never really realized what that pain was like.<\/p>\n<p>We really learned: \u201cMan, that\u2019s a serious, serious loss that a lot of our friends have dealt with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Even our friends that were really, really close with us had that happen, and it was amazing how she just knew. She knew what I was feeling before I did.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: She knew what you needed.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: She knew what I needed, and she walked right with me and cared for me. Rechab cared for me in a very special way, that I\u2019d never seen him care for me before.<\/p>\n<p>That was a difficult time, but God really opened my heart to an emotion that I\u2019d never felt before: feeling extreme sadness and extreme joy in a way I\u2019d never experienced before. I\u2019d always been a level-headed person, very even-keeled. I don\u2019t get too much joy. I don\u2019t get too much sadness; but that experience of losing both of them really opened my heart. \u201cNow, I can experience extreme joy! And also, extreme sadness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That was a new adventure for us in our marriage. He\u2019s walking with a new person now who is experiencing these new emotions that the Lord gave us through tragedy.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes; legit.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s funny. When we talk to people that say\u2014when we ask, \u201cWhy did you get divorced?\u201d And they say, \u201cWell, he changed,\u201d or \u201cShe changed.\u201d Hello! We all change.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: True.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: [Laughter] Legit.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: None of us stay the same.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: No, no; not at all.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Thank goodness, too.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes, and I needed that change. I really did need that change. Being able to experience emotions at greater levels has made me a better\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014you\u2019re more empathetic.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: I\u2019m more empathetic to others, and I\u2019m able to love better. So, absolutely, I needed that change.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: And being able to care for her through that taught me what it is like to be a stabilizer, because I am so naturally up and down. By the grace of God, we finally got pregnant again\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: \u2014yes, I got pregnant again.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014and had Jonathan right before Covid hit. And then, our daughter experienced her worst crisis ever.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: After the baby is born?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: After the baby is born.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How old is she at this time?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: She was nine.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Nine; yes, nine-years old. It was tough, because Aaron was experiencing a lot that year. I remember being in the hospital a lot more regularly, literally, preparing sermons right beside his bed. I remember her, for a while, just not being herself. She got sick and started complaining of chest pain. Britt said, \u201cI think it\u2019s been long enough. Let\u2019s take her in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We show up to the hospital, and they try to look at her oxygen. It\u2019s already in the 80% [range], and it\u2019s declining rapidly. So, they put her on the\u2014mind you, Covid had hit. If they test you for Covid, and you're positive, they go to that wing. If it\u2019s not Covid, you\u2019re in this other wing. So, we were in this other wing. And because it is Covid, no one can visit.<\/p>\n<p>As her parent, I\u2019m the only one allowed. She\u2019s [Brittany] not able to be in there. I saw them put the oxygen mask on her, and I think she\u2019s having a panic attack, because it\u2019s on her face, which only makes it get worse. They rush her to another room, because it\u2019s getting lower, lower, lower, lower, and lower.<\/p>\n<p>They start to tell me, \u201cWe\u2019re going to have to intubate her.\u201d By this time, I\u2019m realizing they are trying to help me be calm, but it is worse than I recognize. I hit up Britt: \u201cThis just took a major turn. This ain\u2019t lookin\u2019 good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>During the intubation, because our daughter is a fighter\u2014she\u2019s like my dad; she\u2019s strong, she ends up resisting the sedation. So, when they intubate her, she is not asleep enough, and her gag reflexes kick in, and she ends up puking into her own lungs\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ugh.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014only worsening the already bad infection. When that happens, I hit up Britt, and I say, \u201cHey, baby. I don\u2019t think this is going to happen.\u201d They tell me they want to Life Flight her two hours away. I tell them, \u201cWhatever you have to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But Iowa gets cold, cold! Negative ten, negative fifteen. When that happens, I hit up Britt. I say, \u201cThey are going to have to Life Flight her on the coldest day.\u201d Sickle Cell already doesn\u2019t respond well to the cold; to take her from the hospital bed to a van to a helicopter and all of those transitions outside? I just said, \u201cBaby, there\u2019s no way she\u2019s going to make it even to Iowa City.\u201d I said, \u201cWe probably need to be prepared. We\u2019re going to get the call on the way up that she didn\u2019t make it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When we get there before the helicopter, actually, we are on pins and needles. We finally get the call. We\u2019re like, \u201cWhy won\u2019t they call?\u201d And we finally get the call that she made it, and she\u2019s still here. She\u2019s intubated, fully out; but she made it. The oxygen is so low, but she made it. So, now it\u2019s like the roller coaster ride of\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Let me just interject. They had moved her to this new location because they were going to put her on life support.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: And that was the only way they said she was going to make it.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I forgot about that.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: They took her away to put her on life support, and when she made it there, they said, \u201cHer numbers have improved. She doesn\u2019t need to have life support.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: The opposite of what you would have assumed would have happened with all the transitions.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re shocked!<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were astonished.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Literally astonished. Yes, shocked. Can\u2019t believe!<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: And we found out later when you get on\u2014it\u2019s called ECMO, and when you get on\u2014ECMO, it\u2019s hard to get off. So, often, people are on that for the rest of their life, or they don\u2019t make it very far. We were astonished. We were amazed.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, we are out of time today.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We are going over time.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Oh, sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But we\u2019re going to continue tomorrow. Aren\u2019t you thinking this\u2014I\u2019m thinking of all the parents who have dealt with something tragic with their kids, or maybe they are in it right now.<\/p>\n<p>How would you give them hope?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I would definitely say that the most peaceful thing that happened in that time period was a reminder that, \u201cThis ain\u2019t it.\u201d That does not sound very hopeful, but it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Meaning this life.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: This life is not it. The healing is either going to happen on this side or in the next; but in Christ, healing is coming.<\/p>\n<p>And so, for us, while we had given up hope that the healing would be on this side, the peace we experienced was because we knew on the other side of this, we were going to see our baby girl. It just so happens that God had a different plan.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: It\u2019s hopeful, in and of itself, to know that peace can be found in the midst of really terrible, painful trials. When all we have to cling to is Christ, we have everything we need to cling to. Rechab and Brittany have lived that out in a very practical way, and I find hope in that.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Rechab and Brittany Gray on FamliyLife Today. It\u2019s been such an encouraging conversation, and the conversation with Rechab and Brittany is going to continue tomorrow. I really enjoyed hearing them not only talk about parenthood, but what that can do to your marriage and how it can test it.<\/p>\n<p>Have you ever wondered how strong your marriage could be? We\u2019ve thought about that question a lot at FamilyLife. We would love for you to join us at the Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway and see the difference that one weekend can make.<\/p>\n<p>As one attendee shared, \u201cI realized marriage is a covenant, not just a contract.\u201d It\u2019s an amazing revelation. We don\u2019t want you to miss out on this opportunity, right now, to save 50% off registrations for the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway until September 16th. Head over to FamilyLifeToday.com, click on the Weekend to Remember banner, and take the first step to building a stronger marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up tomorrow, Rechab and Brittany are back one more time as they talk about navigating parenthood amidst crisis, enduring faith, and unexpected challenges. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow, we hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776432323;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Have you ever felt anger at God, or worry that He's punishing you? After tough diagnoses and loss, Rechab and Brittany Gray did. Hear what they've learned.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/rechab-gray\/\">More from Rechab on FamilyLife Today<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Read articles by Rechab on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thegospelcoalition.org\/profile\/rechab-gray\/\">The Gospel Coalition's website<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Don't miss out on our biggest sale of the season!<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\"> Weekend to Remember registrations are half price until September 16th<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-09-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>What If I Feel Anger at God?<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Rechab and Brittany Gray<\/p>\n<p>From the series:God Who's Over It, God Who's In It (Day 2 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 10, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Our daughter got sick. She started complaining of chest pain. We showed up to the hospital, and they start telling me, \u201cI think we\u2019re going to have to intubate her.\u201d By this time, I am realizing this is worse than I recognized. I hit up Britt: \u201cHey, this just took a major turn. This ain\u2019t looking good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And I\u2019m Dave Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Rechab and Brittany Gray are back in the studio. Do you guys like being here? You look like you do.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re smiling.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a set-up. [Laughter] \u201cNo, we hate it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What else are you going to say?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: If you didn\u2019t listen yesterday, go back. That was just powerful. You shared about how you met, your family, memorizing Scriptures, and discipleship and why that [matters].<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And, by the way, if you didn\u2019t listen yesterday, and you think, \u201cOh, I memorize Scripture.\u201d No, you don\u2019t. [Laughter] Not compared to Rechab. We\u2019re talking about books of the Bible, and he recited some of them. It was so, so powerful.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things you mentioned yesterday was your story, in your family. We know something the listeners don\u2019t. You\u2019ve had quite a journey with one of your daughters. Take us on that journey.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, I can lead up into the journey. Our two oldest kids have Sickle Cell Disease. It\u2019s a disease that primarily affects black folks, really Africans, but also Indians, I believe.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a small portion of the population that\u2019s actually affected, from even the black population. Me and my wife share the trait, but then our two oldest actually got the disease. The way it affects them is what is called a \u201ccrisis,\u201d where the blood cells start to \u201csickle.\u201d They start to form a weird v-shape, and then, when that happens, there is intense pain in that place. It\u2019s not a sore, dull pain, but more like a stabbing pain in that particular spot.<\/p>\n<p>In arms or legs or anything like that, it creates crazy pain. In organs, it can be very serious or even fatal. When our kids were younger, living in Philly, one of them was hospitalized at least monthly or bimonthly. It was all of the time we were in the hospital.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They had already been diagnosed?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, already diagnosed.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: It\u2019s a newborn screening now.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, okay.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I think, for Aaron, one of the ways we knew something was off was that he had dactylitis, which is where his hand swelled up.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Three months old was when he had his first crisis with the swelling of his hands.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Brittany, take us back to that, even when they had the diagnosis\u2014As a mom and dad, you\u2019re living out your fears. How did you deal with that?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: I remember the day when we found out about Aaron. We were shopping for baby gear in Target when I got the phone call. I was absolutely devastated. We were twenty-two years old, still in school.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, you were babies?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were; we were.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: We look like babies still.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is a heavy burden to carry.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes. No one in our family had ever had it, so we didn\u2019t know anyone with the disease. We just learned about it in Science class. Of course, we were prepared, because we knew we had the trait. The doctors will ask you many, many times: \u201cAre you sure you don\u2019t want your baby tested before they are born? Make sure you are prepared?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We absolutely said, \u201cNo. We are going to have this baby and take care of this baby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You were going to keep that baby.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Absolutely, absolutely. We were undoubtedly sure we were going to have our child, and if the baby came with Sickle Cell, we\u2019d know early, and we were going to be prepared. We had done a lot of research. Amazingly, the Children\u2019s Hospital of Philadelphia is one of the best hospitals in the country and one of the top research hospitals for Sickle Cell Disease. God orchestrated that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Take me back. I\u2019m thinking of myself as a young mom. You\u2019re already feeling vulnerable; you\u2019re feeling out of sorts because you have a baby. Take me back to your prayer when you first heard and how you guys processed that as a couple.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Whew.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Do you still remember that time?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I remember when we got the call. I remember breaking down, crying.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: At Target?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: In Target, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really? You just broke down?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes. They had a little bench by the pharmacy section. I just sat down and cried.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I remember getting home and knelt down on the side of the bed. You were sitting on the bed. I wept deeply, and we prayed together that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014were you mad at God?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Hmm. That\u2019s a good question. It\u2019s why you do what you do!<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Honestly, my first thought was that it was a punishment for our sin\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014oh.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: \u2014because we had gotten pregnant before we were married. So, that was my first thought. \u201cOh, Lord, You are punishing us for sin.\u201d I had to let that go quickly, because he was such a blessing. [Tears] I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I think that was my first thought. I don\u2019t know if you recall\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014do you think other people think that? When a baby gets sick, they wonder, \u201cIs this because of my sin or something in my past?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, for sure. We had so many reasons to feel that way. We had gotten off to a horrible start. She wasn\u2019t a believer that whole time. I got the opportunity to lead her to Christ, in spite of me, not because of me.<\/p>\n<p>We had sex long before she became a Christian; took this long break, and then she got curious about Christ. I said, \u201cMan, we can\u2019t do this friendship thing anymore.\u201d And that day she said, \u201cAlright, I\u2019ll try Jesus,\u201d and she prayed to receive Christ. \u201cHit me up.\u201d Do you remember what you said?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: \u201cJesus is real.\u201d My eyes were opened.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes. It was like the lights came on. And for her, that was such a big deal, because I remember how much she had gotten to the point of hating the Lord. So, God restored all that. I remember her taking communion the next Sunday, and that was a big deal. [She] immediately became a worshiper. I saw somebody go from darkness to light.<\/p>\n<p>We had this long season, almost a year and some change, where we didn\u2019t touch. We didn\u2019t hold hands. We were so afraid of crossing the line.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were together every day, though. We were in the same classes in school. So, we were studying together every day, we were working together, but we did not touch each other.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes. We didn\u2019t touch each other.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: At all.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: And then it was my birthday, I think. I went to her crib, and because it was my birthday I felt, \u201cOh, I can give her a birthday kiss.\u201d And we went right back into sin.<\/p>\n<p>So, for us, it really did feel like it would be a rightful punishment, because, \u201cYou redeemed us, You restored us. And we decided, after You did this wonderful thing, to go back to what we knew was vomit.\u201d But, even when we are faithless, God remains faithful. He gave us a gift we didn\u2019t even know we needed; through sin, though. That might sound so weird, but the cross is that picture.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s that amazing grace.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, yes. Every other god\u2014that\u2019s why I don\u2019t mess with other gods. Every other god is like the good guy, and he has to work around the bad guys. Our God says, \u201cI\u2019m so good, and so in control, I can use the bad guys to pull off good.\u201d That\u2019s the cross.<\/p>\n<p>The worst thing that ever happened in human history is killing the innocent son of God.<\/p>\n<p>The greatest thing that ever happened in human history is the son of God dying on the cross for our sins.<\/p>\n<p>He doesn\u2019t have to work around sinners; He works through it. He worked through sin to put sin to death. That\u2019s Sovereign control right there; but it doesn\u2019t absolve the sinner. The sinner needs to come to the same grace that He used in order to overcome that sin.<\/p>\n<p>I just thank the Lord for His redeeming hand and redeeming us from that pain, and then the double pain of feeling like we were being punished, because God gave us such an incredible gift in our firstborn son, Aaron.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, He wasn\u2019t punishing you. You came to that realization.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: No, no. It took a while for us to realize it, but when I say, \u201cWe realized it\u2026\u201d He\u2019s like a mini-me.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Brittany is shaking her head.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I will share one story, though, that was really hard. We were in the hospital\u2014he had to be two or three, and they couldn\u2019t figure out why he was sickling so much. They started sickling in his head, complaining of a headache; and then, his head started physically swelling up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: And you have to imagine a two- or three-year-old\u2014your child, sitting there swelling up. This was the moment I was angry. I was thinking, \u201cPunish me. Do something to me, and let me suffer. It\u2019s too much for him.\u201d He can\u2019t talk, he can\u2019t lift his\u2014anything.<\/p>\n<p>In my anger\u2014and this is what\u2019s so good about our God. My mentor says this all the time [that] we have this saying in Christianity that he hates, \u201cI\u2019m not sure if you should say that to God.\u201d Here\u2019s what he says, \u201cEvery horrible question you can think of is actually an inspired Scripture.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Just go read the Psalms. \u201cWhere are You? Are You there? What\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWhat are You doing?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u201cWhat are You doing? How long are You going to have us go through this?\u201d So, we can ask hard questions in pain and agony. I went to the Lord and said, \u201cI don\u2019t get this. You are going to have to show me something.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I just opened the Bible. I literally just put it on the bathroom sink. He led me to a Psalm\u2014I believe it\u2019s Psalm 34, but I just can\u2019t remember. I walked through that Psalm, and I remember walking out of that bathroom, feeling so much peace. Even though I\u2019m looking at the back of my son\u2019s head, and it is still as big as it was.<\/p>\n<p>I came around to the front and, oh man, in that moment he cracks a smile. In that moment, it was like his cracking of a smile was like the Father\u2019s touch on his daddy\u2019s shoulder. I already knew God was good. Within the hour\u2014within the hour!\u2014the swelling completely went down.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, it was like the peace came before the healing, which was such a major, major moment in our lives. That moment taught us to trust the Lord through the valley of the shadow of death, not just before and after. [Psalm 23:4]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: So, that was just a really, really big deal.<\/p>\n<p>You had asked yesterday about the gap between our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: It was because of that; both of them having Sickle cell disease.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There\u2019s ten years between the two older and the two younger.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes; we had decided we weren\u2019t going to have any more kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re done, because\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014because we don\u2019t want to put any other child through this.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What changed?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, what changed, babe?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: She\u2019s still crying.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Brittany is still wiping her tears. I\u2019m crying with you.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Ironically, God taking us away from our comfort, and the place we thought we would be forever\u2014our home where we were at, and placing us in a new, uncomfortable environment, but with some wonderful, gracious friends who knew how to ask those challenging questions.<\/p>\n<p>They didn\u2019t shy away from really asking us to inquire of the Lord. They kept saying, \u201cYou guys sound like you want more kids. You\u2019re not sounding like you are final in your decision.\u201d And we\u2019d reply, \u201cYes, but we are good with what we have, but we\u2019d love some more.\u201d We just kept going back and forth. And this was\u2014our daughter was seven at that point, and we were still struggling with the Lord: \u201cWhat do you want us to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And had they\u2014had your son and daughter\u2014gone through some other experiences\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and health issues that were hard?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes, regularly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, it\u2019s ongoing.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Our daughter lost her spleen. They have both been through multiple bouts of pneumonia.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ugh. That\u2019s exhausting in every way.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Physically, spiritually, mentally. So, you are wondering, \u201cCan we do it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, legit.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were challenged to pray again, which we hadn\u2019t done in a long time. And of course, God said, \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to have some more babies.\u201d We were excited to try again, but man, we were so nervous. Man, were really nervous.<\/p>\n<p>So, we did. We tried again, and we got pregnant really fast when we tried again. And then we had a miscarriage with that first one. We lost Joseph at eight weeks. [Tears]<\/p>\n<p>We were sad, devastated, but we said, \u201cLord, you said you were going to give us another one, so let\u2019s try again.\u201d Once again, it happened so easily. \u201cMan, this must be from the Lord.\u201d Then, He took our next one.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ugh.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We lost Ariella at nine weeks. That was all in one year. May and October, we lost both babies.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Eight and nine weeks. That\u2019s really hard.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes, it\u2019s hard. We talked about this with another person. Once you have those experiences, and you vocalize them, you realize: \u201cThis is happening to everyone around us. We\u2019re just not talking about it.\u201d Multiple of our friends came around us and said, \u201cWe had this happen.\u201d We thought, \u201cOh. This happens often, very often.\u201d I had never really realized what that pain was like.<\/p>\n<p>We really learned: \u201cMan, that\u2019s a serious, serious loss that a lot of our friends have dealt with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Even our friends that were really, really close with us had that happen, and it was amazing how she just knew. She knew what I was feeling before I did.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: She knew what you needed.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: She knew what I needed, and she walked right with me and cared for me. Rechab cared for me in a very special way, that I\u2019d never seen him care for me before.<\/p>\n<p>That was a difficult time, but God really opened my heart to an emotion that I\u2019d never felt before: feeling extreme sadness and extreme joy in a way I\u2019d never experienced before. I\u2019d always been a level-headed person, very even-keeled. I don\u2019t get too much joy. I don\u2019t get too much sadness; but that experience of losing both of them really opened my heart. \u201cNow, I can experience extreme joy! And also, extreme sadness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That was a new adventure for us in our marriage. He\u2019s walking with a new person now who is experiencing these new emotions that the Lord gave us through tragedy.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes; legit.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s funny. When we talk to people that say\u2014when we ask, \u201cWhy did you get divorced?\u201d And they say, \u201cWell, he changed,\u201d or \u201cShe changed.\u201d Hello! We all change.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: True.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: [Laughter] Legit.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: None of us stay the same.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: No, no; not at all.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Thank goodness, too.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes, and I needed that change. I really did need that change. Being able to experience emotions at greater levels has made me a better\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014you\u2019re more empathetic.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: I\u2019m more empathetic to others, and I\u2019m able to love better. So, absolutely, I needed that change.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: And being able to care for her through that taught me what it is like to be a stabilizer, because I am so naturally up and down. By the grace of God, we finally got pregnant again\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: \u2014yes, I got pregnant again.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014and had Jonathan right before Covid hit. And then, our daughter experienced her worst crisis ever.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: After the baby is born?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: After the baby is born.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How old is she at this time?<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: She was nine.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Nine; yes, nine-years old. It was tough, because Aaron was experiencing a lot that year. I remember being in the hospital a lot more regularly, literally, preparing sermons right beside his bed. I remember her, for a while, just not being herself. She got sick and started complaining of chest pain. Britt said, \u201cI think it\u2019s been long enough. Let\u2019s take her in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We show up to the hospital, and they try to look at her oxygen. It\u2019s already in the 80% [range], and it\u2019s declining rapidly. So, they put her on the\u2014mind you, Covid had hit. If they test you for Covid, and you're positive, they go to that wing. If it\u2019s not Covid, you\u2019re in this other wing. So, we were in this other wing. And because it is Covid, no one can visit.<\/p>\n<p>As her parent, I\u2019m the only one allowed. She\u2019s [Brittany] not able to be in there. I saw them put the oxygen mask on her, and I think she\u2019s having a panic attack, because it\u2019s on her face, which only makes it get worse. They rush her to another room, because it\u2019s getting lower, lower, lower, lower, and lower.<\/p>\n<p>They start to tell me, \u201cWe\u2019re going to have to intubate her.\u201d By this time, I\u2019m realizing they are trying to help me be calm, but it is worse than I recognize. I hit up Britt: \u201cThis just took a major turn. This ain\u2019t lookin\u2019 good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>During the intubation, because our daughter is a fighter\u2014she\u2019s like my dad; she\u2019s strong, she ends up resisting the sedation. So, when they intubate her, she is not asleep enough, and her gag reflexes kick in, and she ends up puking into her own lungs\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ugh.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014only worsening the already bad infection. When that happens, I hit up Britt, and I say, \u201cHey, baby. I don\u2019t think this is going to happen.\u201d They tell me they want to Life Flight her two hours away. I tell them, \u201cWhatever you have to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But Iowa gets cold, cold! Negative ten, negative fifteen. When that happens, I hit up Britt. I say, \u201cThey are going to have to Life Flight her on the coldest day.\u201d Sickle Cell already doesn\u2019t respond well to the cold; to take her from the hospital bed to a van to a helicopter and all of those transitions outside? I just said, \u201cBaby, there\u2019s no way she\u2019s going to make it even to Iowa City.\u201d I said, \u201cWe probably need to be prepared. We\u2019re going to get the call on the way up that she didn\u2019t make it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When we get there before the helicopter, actually, we are on pins and needles. We finally get the call. We\u2019re like, \u201cWhy won\u2019t they call?\u201d And we finally get the call that she made it, and she\u2019s still here. She\u2019s intubated, fully out; but she made it. The oxygen is so low, but she made it. So, now it\u2019s like the roller coaster ride of\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: Let me just interject. They had moved her to this new location because they were going to put her on life support.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Yes, sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: And that was the only way they said she was going to make it.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I forgot about that.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: They took her away to put her on life support, and when she made it there, they said, \u201cHer numbers have improved. She doesn\u2019t need to have life support.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: The opposite of what you would have assumed would have happened with all the transitions.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re shocked!<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We were astonished.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Literally astonished. Yes, shocked. Can\u2019t believe!<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: And we found out later when you get on\u2014it\u2019s called ECMO, and when you get on\u2014ECMO, it\u2019s hard to get off. So, often, people are on that for the rest of their life, or they don\u2019t make it very far. We were astonished. We were amazed.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, we are out of time today.<\/p>\n<p>Brittany: We are going over time.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Oh, sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But we\u2019re going to continue tomorrow. Aren\u2019t you thinking this\u2014I\u2019m thinking of all the parents who have dealt with something tragic with their kids, or maybe they are in it right now.<\/p>\n<p>How would you give them hope?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: I would definitely say that the most peaceful thing that happened in that time period was a reminder that, \u201cThis ain\u2019t it.\u201d That does not sound very hopeful, but it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Meaning this life.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: This life is not it. The healing is either going to happen on this side or in the next; but in Christ, healing is coming.<\/p>\n<p>And so, for us, while we had given up hope that the healing would be on this side, the peace we experienced was because we knew on the other side of this, we were going to see our baby girl. It just so happens that God had a different plan.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: It\u2019s hopeful, in and of itself, to know that peace can be found in the midst of really terrible, painful trials. When all we have to cling to is Christ, we have everything we need to cling to. Rechab and Brittany have lived that out in a very practical way, and I find hope in that.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Rechab and Brittany Gray on FamliyLife Today. It\u2019s been such an encouraging conversation, and the conversation with Rechab and Brittany is going to continue tomorrow. I really enjoyed hearing them not only talk about parenthood, but what that can do to your marriage and how it can test it.<\/p>\n<p>Have you ever wondered how strong your marriage could be? We\u2019ve thought about that question a lot at FamilyLife. We would love for you to join us at the Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway and see the difference that one weekend can make.<\/p>\n<p>As one attendee shared, \u201cI realized marriage is a covenant, not just a contract.\u201d It\u2019s an amazing revelation. We don\u2019t want you to miss out on this opportunity, right now, to save 50% off registrations for the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway until September 16th. Head over to FamilyLifeToday.com, click on the Weekend to Remember banner, and take the first step to building a stronger marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up tomorrow, Rechab and Brittany are back one more time as they talk about navigating parenthood amidst crisis, enduring faith, and unexpected challenges. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow, we hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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