{"id":292167,"date":"2024-08-28T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-28T08:11:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T16:47:47","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T20:47:47","slug":"soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs\/","title":{"rendered":"Soul Care for Stressed Moms: Maggie Combs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are you trying to be supermom? Lean in and listen as Maggie Combs shares how to tap into divine power for motherhood.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you trying to be supermom? Lean in and listen as Maggie Combs shares how to tap into divine power for motherhood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/ee5fd96a-8a8e-42a2-907c-b1cb00e8a891\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:20","filesize":"25.07M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-08-28 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[2997],"podcast_series":[8789],"cwp_profile":[9757],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-292167","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-supermom","podcast_series-what-to-do-about-motherhood-guilt-maggie-combs","cwp_profile-maggie-combs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/292167\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/292167\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZBAdkFDWbO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs\/\">Soul Care for Stressed Moms: Maggie Combs<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/soul-care-for-stressed-moms-maggie-combs\/embed\/#?secret=ZBAdkFDWbO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Soul Care for Stressed Moms: Maggie Combs&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZBAdkFDWbO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["ee5fd96a-8a8e-42a2-907c-b1cb00e8a891"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/ee5fd96a-8a8e-42a2-907c-b1cb00e8a891\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:27:20"],"filesize":["25.07M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"_edit_lock":["1749588688:47000"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=D0002408SB&amp;cru_medium=StickyBar&amp;cru_premium=PRE21820&amp;cru_campaign=Aug2024&amp;src=fye_humanized_sticky&amp;_gl=1*1lj4vla*_gcl_au*MTY3OTQxMDA3LjE3MjQwOTA2MDk.*_ga*MTYwNjEyNzY4MC4xNzI0MDkwNjA5*_ga_85G8JM3S5D*MTcyNDE2MTIwNy4yLjEuMTcyNDE2MzAwMi4zMS4wLjkwNDQyMTE1&amp;_ga=2.14502003.570019349.1724090609-1606127680.1724090609\">FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"<\/a>\u2014join us today!<\/li>\n<li>Connect with Maggie and catch more of her thoughts on Insta at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/maggie__combs\/?hl=en\">@maggie__combs<\/a> and over at <a href=\"https:\/\/wellwateredwomen.com\/author\/guestauthor\/page\/14\/\">wellwateredwomen.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab her book, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.moodypublishers.com\/motherhood-without-all-the-rules\/\">Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/a>, on our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Soul Care for Stressed Moms<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Maggie Combs<\/p>\n<p>From the series:What to Do about Motherhood Guilt (Day 3 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 28, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As a mom, what would you say, if you can remember, was your biggest source of stress when we were raising our boys? Think [of] any stage you want.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I was going to say each stage had its own degree of stress. When they were little: \u201cWill they stay alive? Can I keep them alive?\u201d As they get older, with teenagers, \u201cWhat trouble could they get into?\u201d or \u201cWhat are they doing?\u201d As they get older, \u201cWho are they going to marry?\u201d Do you see what I mean? Every single stage has a different degree of stress and things you worry about.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Do dads not?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Do you never worry about our kids now?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Again, I\u2019m just one dad; I can\u2019t speak for other dads. But I talk to a lot of guys, and they seem to be somewhat\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay, I\u2019m going to look into our studio sound booth\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ve got two dads in there.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014dads, two dads. Do you guys worry about your kids?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014like 24\/7.<\/p>\n<p>Sound Engineer: No.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: No?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Jim does.<\/p>\n<p>Jim: I actually do. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay, so maybe it\u2019s kind of \u201cEverybody\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, some of it\u2019s personality\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014some of us carry\u2014but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever met a mom that doesn\u2019t carry it almost non-stop.<\/p>\n<p>I thought it might be interesting, since [it\u2019s] not every day we have two moms and one dad, to ask you two some questions.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We have Maggie Combs back with us again. Thank you for being back on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Thanks for having me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; this is a great discussion about motherhood from your book, Motherhood Without All the Rules, which is fascinating. It\u2019s also interesting; I have two moms of just boys. You\u2019re in two different stages, and I think there\u2019s a lot of wisdom in the room. We\u2019ve got a seasoned mom and a younger mom. I think, not only can parents learn a lot, but moms can learn from you guys.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Thanks; and Maggie has not only written this book with the subtitle Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths. Maggie, you wrote a book when you were right at the beginning of mothering called\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014Unsuper Mommy. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Did you come up with that title?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s good!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: What happened is I put up a picture of me and my three boys\u2014and I probably I had a two-month-old or something, and a fifteen-month-old, and a three-year-old. Someone wrote on it, \u201cSupermom,\u201d and I was like, \u201cOhhh!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cOhhh!\u201d Not what you were going for.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u201cI cannot bear the burden of that title. If they could only see my house right now, and my children right now, they would know I am not a supermom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re just trying to survive.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes; the goal of that book was to help women throw off some of that expectation that, really, we\u2019ve got nine months to set up expectations for ourselves, right? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Nine months to build up those expectations in our head, and it only takes a couple of months to knock them all to the floor.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But you\u2019re also a writer.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And a little unknown fact is you live on a hobby farm? What is a hobby farm?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I feel like the fancy term nowadays is \u201chomestead,\u201d but I don\u2019t do any of the homesteading stuff really.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Are you Ann Voskamp II?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Not at all; I\u2019m probably the antithesis of that. [Laughter] It\u2019s like, \u201cHow can we do this with as minimal work for me as possible?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s how I grew up. My parents have some acreage outside of the suburbs, and I grew up there. We had cows and horses. Then we found out we were pregnant with our third boy, and we were like, \u201cGet us to the farm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Close to your parents.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Close to the parents. We built a house right next door to my parents, and we share the land with them. Then we added to the livestock fainting goats.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No way!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait; I love these things!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Have you ever\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014next time you are having a really bad day, go onto YouTube and type in \u201cfainting goats.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I have totally done this!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They\u2019re so funny!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You have goats that faint\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014like all the time? How does this work?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: When they are scared or excited, they faint; they just fall over. [Laughter] I\u2019ve made up my own term; sometimes it\u2019s like they don\u2019t fully fall over. They just get leg-locked. Their legs are all straight like this, and they have to walk. I can\u2019t even show\u2014obviously, this is not visual medium\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is a boy\u2019s paradise: \u201cWhen they get scared\u2026\u201d How old were your boys when you got your fainting goats?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I think four, five and seven.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Well, let me ask some questions to you moms. Several of these you cover in probably both books, but I know definitely in this latest one, Motherhood Without All the Rules. Even when you talk about a farm, it sounds like, \u201cOh, that\u2019s a great escape for some people.\u201d You live there.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a myth, and you say it\u2019s a\u2014what do you call it?\u2014standard\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014stressful\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014stressful standard.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: There\u2019s a stressful standard of: \u201cMom\u2019s deserve an escape: \u2018You deserve this. You\u2019ve earned this.\u2019\u201d Is that true?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: We actually tell ourselves we need it; we can\u2019t go on until we have had this escape; and we set it up as the most important thing. Sometimes, it is like a piece of chocolate in the pantry.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That sounds good. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Right? I actually started a whole thing in the pandemic that was like, \u201cPandemic Pantry Chats,\u201d where I\u2019d shut myself in the pantry because that was the only place I could be alone. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes it\u2019s as little as that, or it\u2019s the next trip that we\u2019re planning, or it\u2019s a bubble bath. And all of these things are good things; the problem is when we elevate them to a need. God actually tells us that He supplies all that we need. He is the One Who feeds us and cares for us like He feeds the sparrows and the birds of the air [Matthew 6:26].<\/p>\n<p>We tell ourselves, \u201cWe need these things,\u201d and then when we need something, we are willing to fight to get it. I hear moms say all the time, I say all the time, \u201cI never thought I\u2019d be an angry mom. Why am I an angry mom?\u201d Well, it\u2019s these kids [who] keep getting in the way of what I\u2019ve told myself that I need to survive.<\/p>\n<p>Then they start taking that little piece of comfort away from me; and suddenly, I\u2019m just a flashpoint of anger, and I yell at them. Then I feel the shame and \u201cOh, why did I do that?\u201d It\u2019s because I had elevated this need up to the point where it was more important than my need for God, and I\u2019d put it on the throne of my life, and that little need was ruling everything for me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You know what else we do with that need is we look at our husbands, if we\u2019re married, and we think, \u201cThey get all their needs met,\u201d and we begin comparing our lives to them. And then we think, \u201cOh, if I don\u2019t get what I deserve,\u201d my escape, then I\u2019m mad, not only at my life, but at my husband, at the circumstances, and at my children.<\/p>\n<p>It seems like, \u201cWait, what?\u201d It doesn\u2019t seem like it\u2019s a bad thing; because to say you need an escape\u2014that\u2019s not a bad thing\u2014because that can be true, and we all need that at times. But you\u2019re saying we kind of elevate it to the point where it\u2019s our savior.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes, then we create these things that aren\u2019t actually meeting the need that we really do have, and that might be actually some fellowship with women that will point us to Christ, but it\u2019s soul care kinds of things. We\u2019re so focused on self-care, our external needs that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a big word right now, too, \u201cself-care.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014that we totally neglect soul care. I\u2019ve heard self-care people describe it as \u201cYou\u2019ve got to put your oxygen mask on yourself first if the plane is going down.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019ve heard that too.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: But a lot of times, the mask we\u2019re putting on has no oxygen coming from it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Because the things that we\u2019re using aren\u2019t oxygen providers. God is the breath of life; He gives us oxygen. No, that doesn\u2019t mean that always then, every time it\u2019s running, I\u2019ve got to have my nose deep in my Bible, which is great, but it can be just changing our motive.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of a self-focused thing that\u2019s like, \u201cI need this so I\u2019m going to take it; I\u2019m going to get it,\u201d you can say, \u201cI am weak! I have physical limitations as a woman; so, I\u2019m going to look at my day and see God has made me physically limited, and I need to take a nap now to be able to do what He\u2019s asked me to do today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just a change in our attitudes; and it\u2019s a focus from our self to looking up to God, and saying, \u201cMan, I am not God; I can\u2019t do everything.\u201d Moms can\u2019t do everything; we can\u2019t be supermoms. But that\u2019s embracing the weakness and connecting to God to empower us. Part of that is meeting our physical needs with an attitude of, \u201cWow, thank You for giving me the opportunity to meet that physical need.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It reminds me of the woman at the well in John 4. She thought her need\/she could have said, \u201cMy need is for a man [who] would love me. I\u2019ve had five, and no one has loved me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And God is saying, \u201cNo, that\u2019s not what you need; that\u2019s not your escape,\u201d because we\u2019re all looking for ways to escape. He was saying, \u201cI am the living water. If you drink of Me, you\u2019ll have streams of living water [John 4:14].\u201d And that\u2019s what you mean, Maggie. He is the oxygen; He\u2019s the one that fills us up and meets those needs.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Alright, that brings up another topic that I think I\u2019ll give you a shot at. Talking to the men, talking to the husbands, talking to the dads\u2014what do you need from us?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ooh, that\u2019s a good question.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Tell the men or just tell your own man; I mean, what do you moms long for your husbands to do to help them?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I think what most moms\u2014I know I, but I feel like listening to my friends talk, too\u2014we just want our husbands to see us, to recognize that it is really hard work; that maybe motherhood sometimes asks more from us than fatherhood asks from them, emotionally, because we are always thinking about our children like we talked about. Just that recognition of \u201cHey, I see that you\u2019ve been working really hard lately,\u201d goes such a long way.<\/p>\n<p>Then the recognition also of \u201cI see that this has been really hard, but I see that God is working in your life,\u201d changing our encouragement to being based upon God\u2019s work in your life instead of everything that you\u2019re accomplishing. Because sometimes we can get it all flipped around in our head and be like, \u201cWell, then if I don\u2019t accomplish it, then he won\u2019t think good of me,\u201d or something.<\/p>\n<p>So, seeing her, recognizing and then pointing her to Jesus, too, just like we were talking about good friends do.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I would add to that, too\u2014I agree with all of that, Maggie\u2014the part of seeing us. I think, Dave, you would do this sometimes, but I had to ask you to do it; of just asking you to ask me how I\u2019m doing.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s really big\u2014that\u2019s part of feeling like, \u201cOh, you hear me, and you\u2019re interested in my life, which now feels super boring and monotonous; like, \u2018Who wants to hear about this? I\u2019m bored with myself,\u2019\u201d\u2014so when you would ask me, \u201cHow are you doing, really?\u201d I think you were afraid to do that because if you asked that, I would say, \u201cWell, I would be doing a lot better if you would\u2026\u201d But I think for us, as women, just to have been asked that question feels like you are entering into our world.<\/p>\n<p>The other thing\u2014 I feel like you were good at this\u2014you would tell me specifically what you were inspired by in my life. One time you said, \u201cI love that you are always bringing Scripture,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re praying in the car; I love how you\u2019re bringing God into the boys\u2019 daily life and into your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember thinking, \u201cWhat? Wait! Am I doing something that someone noticed, and you saw it?\u201d Because the kids don\u2019t know; they don\u2019t see it. They\u2019re not saying, \u201cOh, thanks, Mom, for feeding me again.\u201d They may once in a while, but for a spouse to recognize and point specifically to something we\u2019ve done well of sharing Jesus, that is like a breath of fresh air to our souls.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember, also, thinking\u2014at least, you told me this\u2014and I think you\u2019d probably both agree, that you also want us to help. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I was just thinking, \u201cThose were great answers, but also, if you just want something really real, saying, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you take Saturday morning to go do what you want, and I\u2019ll watch the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, that\u2019s helping out.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There was something about Dave taking the boys out, and I was in the house by myself, was like the most amazing gift. If you vacuumed, I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you kidding?! This is like Christmas today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember one time\u2014and again, it could be taking them out; and we did the boys\u2019 day out, which I would take all three boys for half the day once a month\u2014and that was like a big deal, and they loved it; and it gave her a break.<\/p>\n<p>But you talk about [being] selfish. I remember one time\u2014do you remember this?\u2014you have Saturday afternoon, getting them lunch, getting them sitting in the highchair, the whole thing. They were little boys; it was chaos. You\u2019ve got the whole table set up. I go over, get myself some ice, get an iced tea, pour it, come down, sit down. I\u2019ll never forget this. Ann\u2019s here; all three boys are there; it\u2019s chaos, and I say to her, \u201cHey, I\u2019m preaching on selfishness tomorrow. I need a good illustration.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She goes, \u201cSeriously? Do you see what you just did?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d She goes, \u201cYou\u2019re serious right now?\u201d I go, \u201cWhat, what? What did I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She goes, \u201cYou went over and got yourself a drink. You never got anybody else a drink. I got all three boys\u2019 drinks. I got myself a drink. You want an illustration? You\u2019re the illustration.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Did you use it?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh yes, he would always use those.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Because I was like, \u201cHow am I that blind?\u201d And I was.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: You know what gets me about when my husband takes my boys out? He\u2019ll take them to a fast-food restaurant; every single time\u2014does not fail\u2014somebody comes up to him and says\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014\u201cWow! [Laughter] Your boys are so good. Wow, you must be a really good dad.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is like, \u201cIsn\u2019t this amazing? You have all of them out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: People of the world: you can say this to moms. Even if the kids are a mess for her and they\u2019re really great for dad, we can say it to moms. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, that\u2019s so true. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Okay; I\u2019ve got a whole different topic, which it will be interesting to hear [from] a mother with a ten-year-old and a mom with grandkids: prodigals. As a mom, if your son or daughter walks away from the faith\u2014teenaged years or beyond\u2014what do you do? How do you struggle with that? How is that navigated as a mom?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: When I talked about this in my book, I had to go to a mentor mom of mine to talk to her a little bit; because I can see it only from my perspective right now, early in life. But I\u2019ll tell you, I think there\u2019s an identity thing in there. Obviously, there\u2019s a really true, beautiful thing. We want our kids to know Jesus, of course.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s also an identity thing because we feel like, \u201cWe\u2019ve worked so hard to be a mom,\u201d and what is the A+ on the report card of godly motherhood if not your kids grow up to follow Jesus? It can be like, if that doesn\u2019t happen, then \u201cProbably, I wasted my whole life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cAnd I\u2019m a bad mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: We get really dramatic in our heads; right?! So, all moms\u2014this is just a constant fear across every season\u2014wonders, \u201cWhat happens if this happens?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I talked to a friend of mine, who experienced that. She said, \u201cYou know, the only thing I could do was just say, \u2018Is Jesus even better than this?\u2019 Even if my daughter never comes back to the Lord after wandering away, am I going to believe that Jesus is still good, and that He is still better, that He is my treasure even beyond the treasure of my children?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I pray that I don\u2019t have to face that head-on, but I also know that I can work now to make a daily practice of, when that fear comes, asking myself that question now; so that if, one day, down the road, I have to face a prodigal child, then I will have made a practice.<\/p>\n<p>I did Taekwondo with my boys.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, you did. Look at you go.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Way to go!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: That is not something I ever planned to do in my life.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did we get from prodigal to Taekwondo? This is going to be interesting.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I did Taekwondo with my boys. I wasn\u2019t going to do it. I signed them up for it. It was like a family Taekwondo though; my youngest would not do it without me. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Crazy the things moms do!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I\u2019m not an athletic person! I was like, \u201cOkay!\u201d I started doing Taekwondo and the Taekwondo instructor would yell these things at us. One of the things he would yell is: \u201cPractice makes\u201d\u2014and everybody would yell\u2014\u201cperfect!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201cperfect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: And he would stop us and say, \u201cNo, practice makes habits.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019re a mom, where your kids are still young, and you\u2019re facing that fear, we can make a habit right now of believing the truth of God\u2019s Word; that God is still good in every circumstance, that He is sovereign, that\u2019s it\u2019s not something that we did that created this problem with our child. He is sovereign over our lives, and He is sovereign over theirs and that we can entrust them to Him; and if not, He is still better.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I would agree with all of that. That\u2019s beautifully said, and I think there comes a practice and a habit of surrendering your kids every day at the cross. That\u2019s not an easy thing to do.<\/p>\n<p>I think, too, that fear grips moms more than anything else if we allow it to, because we could be overwhelmed with fear every day of the circumstances of life, the culture that our kids are being raised in, the things that are going on. We can project so much fear into the future.<\/p>\n<p>I think every single day of that surrender\u2014and we picture giving Jesus our kids\u2014sometimes, I\u2019ll wake up in the middle of the night\u2014I\u2019ve told you [Dave] this not too long ago\u2014I can wake up in the middle of the night, and I have all adult children, and I think: \u201cAre their marriages okay?\u201d \u201cAre their\u2026\u201d You know, I\u2019m going through all this stuff: \u201cAre they struggling with anything?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In order to go back to sleep, I have to picture myself standing with Jesus; and I push our kids, our sons back to Jesus; and I have to say, \u201cBut, Lord, You love them more than I do. You see them more than I do. You can take care of them more than I ever could, and my worry isn\u2019t going to amount to anything that will be helpful. So, I hand them to You, a good and loving Father; and they\u2019re Yours. I\u2019m going to trust You.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, bad things still happen; but God, the gospel of the truth of Jesus is bigger than that. That\u2019s hard to live out. It has to become\u2014I like what you said, Maggie\u2014a habit of that total surrender every day.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it\u2019s been fun to ask two moms.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Hey, I really liked your question about the dads. Way to go. \u201cWhat can dads do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I hope my husband listened. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. And if he isn\u2019t, the wife is going to tell him. [Laughter] I was thinking, \u201cIf he hears it, he\u2019ll hear it himself without you having to tell him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But I think that\u2019s a great word\u2014the habit thing\u2014because surrender is a habit. It\u2019s not a one time; it\u2019s a daily, almost minute by minute\u2014especially with your children that you can\u2019t control\u2014you have to: \u201cI\u2019m opening my hands right now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because we hold on tightly to our children. As they grow up, it\u2019s the hardest thing for a parent to say, \u201cOkay, they\u2019re not mine; they\u2019re His. They may make bad decisions; they may make good ones. My identity is not how they do; my identity is in Christ. I\u2019m going to surrender again,\u201d\u2014two a.m., three a.m., six a.m. \u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to surrender,\u201d and God will walk with your children.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I have found over decades of walking with God that in many ways the end of myself is the beginning of God. Surrender is such a huge obstacle for me, because I\u2019m one of those people who wants to control stuff all the time. Maybe you\u2019re like me. My kids are now at the ages, 13 and 10, where I think, \u201cThey\u2019re going to do what they\u2019re going to do, and I can\u2019t wrangle them the way I used to.\u201d Frankly, that\u2019s terrifying. It really is.<\/p>\n<p>But it doesn\u2019t have to be, because all the control I think I had when my kids were younger was pretty much an illusion anyway. Ultimately, they belong to Jesus, and I need to trust that. So why don\u2019t we just trust Jesus with our kids like we actually mean it?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Maggie Combs on FamilyLife Today. Maggie has written a book called Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths, and it\u2019s so, so necessary right now. If this book seems appealing to you, you can get your copy right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes.<\/p>\n<p>Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When we\u2019re prioritizing walking with Jesus and we\u2019re living out motherhood like Maggie was talking about, you\u2019re really making your mark in ways that you may not even understand right now. You\u2019re making your mark in your relationship with God, you\u2019re making your mark with your spouse, you\u2019re making your mark as a parent. And one of the ways that we here at FamilyLife want to make a mark is by bringing the gospel to marriages and families.<\/p>\n<p>The cool thing is you can help us to make that mark in people\u2019s lives. This month we want to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of August. One of the ways we can do that is by you hopping in and partnering with us to become a part of the solution here at FamilyLife. We need donors to link arms with us and help to make their mark in marriages and families all over the country, and frankly, all over the world.<\/p>\n<p>Every donation that you make really makes a mark in the lives of other people that we are trying to reach here at FamilyLife. So, would you join us? Would you go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation of any amount? When you do, we are going to say thank you by sending you a limited edition FamilyLife pen, along with a copy of Brant Hansen\u2019s Unoffendable.<\/p>\n<p>We are so grateful for you partnering with us and wanting to be part of the solution to reach marriages and families for the glory of Jesus. So again, you can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to make your donation or give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or you can feel free to drop us a donation in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>Now coming up tomorrow, how do you put your spouse first in a blended family when kids have a tendency to constantly need your attention and your time? Well, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be joined by Ron Deal and Gayla Grace to talk about just that. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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you trying to be supermom? Lean in and listen as Maggie Combs shares how to tap into divine power for motherhood.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=D0002408SB&amp;cru_medium=StickyBar&amp;cru_premium=PRE21820&amp;cru_campaign=Aug2024&amp;src=fye_humanized_sticky&amp;_gl=1*1lj4vla*_gcl_au*MTY3OTQxMDA3LjE3MjQwOTA2MDk.*_ga*MTYwNjEyNzY4MC4xNzI0MDkwNjA5*_ga_85G8JM3S5D*MTcyNDE2MTIwNy4yLjEuMTcyNDE2MzAwMi4zMS4wLjkwNDQyMTE1&amp;_ga=2.14502003.570019349.1724090609-1606127680.1724090609\">FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"<\/a>\u2014join us today!<\/li>\n<li>Connect with Maggie and catch more of her thoughts on Insta at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/maggie__combs\/?hl=en\">@maggie__combs<\/a> and over at <a href=\"https:\/\/wellwateredwomen.com\/author\/guestauthor\/page\/14\/\">wellwateredwomen.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab her book, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.moodypublishers.com\/motherhood-without-all-the-rules\/\">Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/a>, on our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Soul Care for Stressed Moms<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Maggie Combs<\/p>\n<p>From the series:What to Do about Motherhood Guilt (Day 3 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 28, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As a mom, what would you say, if you can remember, was your biggest source of stress when we were raising our boys? Think [of] any stage you want.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I was going to say each stage had its own degree of stress. When they were little: \u201cWill they stay alive? Can I keep them alive?\u201d As they get older, with teenagers, \u201cWhat trouble could they get into?\u201d or \u201cWhat are they doing?\u201d As they get older, \u201cWho are they going to marry?\u201d Do you see what I mean? Every single stage has a different degree of stress and things you worry about.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Do dads not?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Do you never worry about our kids now?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Again, I\u2019m just one dad; I can\u2019t speak for other dads. But I talk to a lot of guys, and they seem to be somewhat\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay, I\u2019m going to look into our studio sound booth\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ve got two dads in there.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014dads, two dads. Do you guys worry about your kids?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014like 24\/7.<\/p>\n<p>Sound Engineer: No.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: No?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Jim does.<\/p>\n<p>Jim: I actually do. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay, so maybe it\u2019s kind of \u201cEverybody\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, some of it\u2019s personality\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014some of us carry\u2014but I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever met a mom that doesn\u2019t carry it almost non-stop.<\/p>\n<p>I thought it might be interesting, since [it\u2019s] not every day we have two moms and one dad, to ask you two some questions.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We have Maggie Combs back with us again. Thank you for being back on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Thanks for having me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; this is a great discussion about motherhood from your book, Motherhood Without All the Rules, which is fascinating. It\u2019s also interesting; I have two moms of just boys. You\u2019re in two different stages, and I think there\u2019s a lot of wisdom in the room. We\u2019ve got a seasoned mom and a younger mom. I think, not only can parents learn a lot, but moms can learn from you guys.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Thanks; and Maggie has not only written this book with the subtitle Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths. Maggie, you wrote a book when you were right at the beginning of mothering called\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014Unsuper Mommy. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Did you come up with that title?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s good!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: What happened is I put up a picture of me and my three boys\u2014and I probably I had a two-month-old or something, and a fifteen-month-old, and a three-year-old. Someone wrote on it, \u201cSupermom,\u201d and I was like, \u201cOhhh!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cOhhh!\u201d Not what you were going for.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u201cI cannot bear the burden of that title. If they could only see my house right now, and my children right now, they would know I am not a supermom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re just trying to survive.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes; the goal of that book was to help women throw off some of that expectation that, really, we\u2019ve got nine months to set up expectations for ourselves, right? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Nine months to build up those expectations in our head, and it only takes a couple of months to knock them all to the floor.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But you\u2019re also a writer.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And a little unknown fact is you live on a hobby farm? What is a hobby farm?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I feel like the fancy term nowadays is \u201chomestead,\u201d but I don\u2019t do any of the homesteading stuff really.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Are you Ann Voskamp II?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Not at all; I\u2019m probably the antithesis of that. [Laughter] It\u2019s like, \u201cHow can we do this with as minimal work for me as possible?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s how I grew up. My parents have some acreage outside of the suburbs, and I grew up there. We had cows and horses. Then we found out we were pregnant with our third boy, and we were like, \u201cGet us to the farm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Close to your parents.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Close to the parents. We built a house right next door to my parents, and we share the land with them. Then we added to the livestock fainting goats.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No way!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait; I love these things!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Have you ever\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014next time you are having a really bad day, go onto YouTube and type in \u201cfainting goats.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I have totally done this!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They\u2019re so funny!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You have goats that faint\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014like all the time? How does this work?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: When they are scared or excited, they faint; they just fall over. [Laughter] I\u2019ve made up my own term; sometimes it\u2019s like they don\u2019t fully fall over. They just get leg-locked. Their legs are all straight like this, and they have to walk. I can\u2019t even show\u2014obviously, this is not visual medium\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is a boy\u2019s paradise: \u201cWhen they get scared\u2026\u201d How old were your boys when you got your fainting goats?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I think four, five and seven.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Well, let me ask some questions to you moms. Several of these you cover in probably both books, but I know definitely in this latest one, Motherhood Without All the Rules. Even when you talk about a farm, it sounds like, \u201cOh, that\u2019s a great escape for some people.\u201d You live there.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a myth, and you say it\u2019s a\u2014what do you call it?\u2014standard\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014stressful\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014stressful standard.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: There\u2019s a stressful standard of: \u201cMom\u2019s deserve an escape: \u2018You deserve this. You\u2019ve earned this.\u2019\u201d Is that true?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: We actually tell ourselves we need it; we can\u2019t go on until we have had this escape; and we set it up as the most important thing. Sometimes, it is like a piece of chocolate in the pantry.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That sounds good. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Right? I actually started a whole thing in the pandemic that was like, \u201cPandemic Pantry Chats,\u201d where I\u2019d shut myself in the pantry because that was the only place I could be alone. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes it\u2019s as little as that, or it\u2019s the next trip that we\u2019re planning, or it\u2019s a bubble bath. And all of these things are good things; the problem is when we elevate them to a need. God actually tells us that He supplies all that we need. He is the One Who feeds us and cares for us like He feeds the sparrows and the birds of the air [Matthew 6:26].<\/p>\n<p>We tell ourselves, \u201cWe need these things,\u201d and then when we need something, we are willing to fight to get it. I hear moms say all the time, I say all the time, \u201cI never thought I\u2019d be an angry mom. Why am I an angry mom?\u201d Well, it\u2019s these kids [who] keep getting in the way of what I\u2019ve told myself that I need to survive.<\/p>\n<p>Then they start taking that little piece of comfort away from me; and suddenly, I\u2019m just a flashpoint of anger, and I yell at them. Then I feel the shame and \u201cOh, why did I do that?\u201d It\u2019s because I had elevated this need up to the point where it was more important than my need for God, and I\u2019d put it on the throne of my life, and that little need was ruling everything for me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You know what else we do with that need is we look at our husbands, if we\u2019re married, and we think, \u201cThey get all their needs met,\u201d and we begin comparing our lives to them. And then we think, \u201cOh, if I don\u2019t get what I deserve,\u201d my escape, then I\u2019m mad, not only at my life, but at my husband, at the circumstances, and at my children.<\/p>\n<p>It seems like, \u201cWait, what?\u201d It doesn\u2019t seem like it\u2019s a bad thing; because to say you need an escape\u2014that\u2019s not a bad thing\u2014because that can be true, and we all need that at times. But you\u2019re saying we kind of elevate it to the point where it\u2019s our savior.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes, then we create these things that aren\u2019t actually meeting the need that we really do have, and that might be actually some fellowship with women that will point us to Christ, but it\u2019s soul care kinds of things. We\u2019re so focused on self-care, our external needs that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a big word right now, too, \u201cself-care.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014that we totally neglect soul care. I\u2019ve heard self-care people describe it as \u201cYou\u2019ve got to put your oxygen mask on yourself first if the plane is going down.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019ve heard that too.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: But a lot of times, the mask we\u2019re putting on has no oxygen coming from it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Because the things that we\u2019re using aren\u2019t oxygen providers. God is the breath of life; He gives us oxygen. No, that doesn\u2019t mean that always then, every time it\u2019s running, I\u2019ve got to have my nose deep in my Bible, which is great, but it can be just changing our motive.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of a self-focused thing that\u2019s like, \u201cI need this so I\u2019m going to take it; I\u2019m going to get it,\u201d you can say, \u201cI am weak! I have physical limitations as a woman; so, I\u2019m going to look at my day and see God has made me physically limited, and I need to take a nap now to be able to do what He\u2019s asked me to do today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just a change in our attitudes; and it\u2019s a focus from our self to looking up to God, and saying, \u201cMan, I am not God; I can\u2019t do everything.\u201d Moms can\u2019t do everything; we can\u2019t be supermoms. But that\u2019s embracing the weakness and connecting to God to empower us. Part of that is meeting our physical needs with an attitude of, \u201cWow, thank You for giving me the opportunity to meet that physical need.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It reminds me of the woman at the well in John 4. She thought her need\/she could have said, \u201cMy need is for a man [who] would love me. I\u2019ve had five, and no one has loved me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And God is saying, \u201cNo, that\u2019s not what you need; that\u2019s not your escape,\u201d because we\u2019re all looking for ways to escape. He was saying, \u201cI am the living water. If you drink of Me, you\u2019ll have streams of living water [John 4:14].\u201d And that\u2019s what you mean, Maggie. He is the oxygen; He\u2019s the one that fills us up and meets those needs.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Alright, that brings up another topic that I think I\u2019ll give you a shot at. Talking to the men, talking to the husbands, talking to the dads\u2014what do you need from us?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ooh, that\u2019s a good question.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Tell the men or just tell your own man; I mean, what do you moms long for your husbands to do to help them?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I think what most moms\u2014I know I, but I feel like listening to my friends talk, too\u2014we just want our husbands to see us, to recognize that it is really hard work; that maybe motherhood sometimes asks more from us than fatherhood asks from them, emotionally, because we are always thinking about our children like we talked about. Just that recognition of \u201cHey, I see that you\u2019ve been working really hard lately,\u201d goes such a long way.<\/p>\n<p>Then the recognition also of \u201cI see that this has been really hard, but I see that God is working in your life,\u201d changing our encouragement to being based upon God\u2019s work in your life instead of everything that you\u2019re accomplishing. Because sometimes we can get it all flipped around in our head and be like, \u201cWell, then if I don\u2019t accomplish it, then he won\u2019t think good of me,\u201d or something.<\/p>\n<p>So, seeing her, recognizing and then pointing her to Jesus, too, just like we were talking about good friends do.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I would add to that, too\u2014I agree with all of that, Maggie\u2014the part of seeing us. I think, Dave, you would do this sometimes, but I had to ask you to do it; of just asking you to ask me how I\u2019m doing.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s really big\u2014that\u2019s part of feeling like, \u201cOh, you hear me, and you\u2019re interested in my life, which now feels super boring and monotonous; like, \u2018Who wants to hear about this? I\u2019m bored with myself,\u2019\u201d\u2014so when you would ask me, \u201cHow are you doing, really?\u201d I think you were afraid to do that because if you asked that, I would say, \u201cWell, I would be doing a lot better if you would\u2026\u201d But I think for us, as women, just to have been asked that question feels like you are entering into our world.<\/p>\n<p>The other thing\u2014 I feel like you were good at this\u2014you would tell me specifically what you were inspired by in my life. One time you said, \u201cI love that you are always bringing Scripture,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re praying in the car; I love how you\u2019re bringing God into the boys\u2019 daily life and into your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember thinking, \u201cWhat? Wait! Am I doing something that someone noticed, and you saw it?\u201d Because the kids don\u2019t know; they don\u2019t see it. They\u2019re not saying, \u201cOh, thanks, Mom, for feeding me again.\u201d They may once in a while, but for a spouse to recognize and point specifically to something we\u2019ve done well of sharing Jesus, that is like a breath of fresh air to our souls.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember, also, thinking\u2014at least, you told me this\u2014and I think you\u2019d probably both agree, that you also want us to help. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I was just thinking, \u201cThose were great answers, but also, if you just want something really real, saying, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you take Saturday morning to go do what you want, and I\u2019ll watch the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, that\u2019s helping out.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There was something about Dave taking the boys out, and I was in the house by myself, was like the most amazing gift. If you vacuumed, I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you kidding?! This is like Christmas today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember one time\u2014and again, it could be taking them out; and we did the boys\u2019 day out, which I would take all three boys for half the day once a month\u2014and that was like a big deal, and they loved it; and it gave her a break.<\/p>\n<p>But you talk about [being] selfish. I remember one time\u2014do you remember this?\u2014you have Saturday afternoon, getting them lunch, getting them sitting in the highchair, the whole thing. They were little boys; it was chaos. You\u2019ve got the whole table set up. I go over, get myself some ice, get an iced tea, pour it, come down, sit down. I\u2019ll never forget this. Ann\u2019s here; all three boys are there; it\u2019s chaos, and I say to her, \u201cHey, I\u2019m preaching on selfishness tomorrow. I need a good illustration.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She goes, \u201cSeriously? Do you see what you just did?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d She goes, \u201cYou\u2019re serious right now?\u201d I go, \u201cWhat, what? What did I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She goes, \u201cYou went over and got yourself a drink. You never got anybody else a drink. I got all three boys\u2019 drinks. I got myself a drink. You want an illustration? You\u2019re the illustration.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Did you use it?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh yes, he would always use those.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Because I was like, \u201cHow am I that blind?\u201d And I was.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: You know what gets me about when my husband takes my boys out? He\u2019ll take them to a fast-food restaurant; every single time\u2014does not fail\u2014somebody comes up to him and says\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014\u201cWow! [Laughter] Your boys are so good. Wow, you must be a really good dad.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is like, \u201cIsn\u2019t this amazing? You have all of them out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: People of the world: you can say this to moms. Even if the kids are a mess for her and they\u2019re really great for dad, we can say it to moms. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, that\u2019s so true. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Okay; I\u2019ve got a whole different topic, which it will be interesting to hear [from] a mother with a ten-year-old and a mom with grandkids: prodigals. As a mom, if your son or daughter walks away from the faith\u2014teenaged years or beyond\u2014what do you do? How do you struggle with that? How is that navigated as a mom?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: When I talked about this in my book, I had to go to a mentor mom of mine to talk to her a little bit; because I can see it only from my perspective right now, early in life. But I\u2019ll tell you, I think there\u2019s an identity thing in there. Obviously, there\u2019s a really true, beautiful thing. We want our kids to know Jesus, of course.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s also an identity thing because we feel like, \u201cWe\u2019ve worked so hard to be a mom,\u201d and what is the A+ on the report card of godly motherhood if not your kids grow up to follow Jesus? It can be like, if that doesn\u2019t happen, then \u201cProbably, I wasted my whole life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cAnd I\u2019m a bad mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: We get really dramatic in our heads; right?! So, all moms\u2014this is just a constant fear across every season\u2014wonders, \u201cWhat happens if this happens?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I talked to a friend of mine, who experienced that. She said, \u201cYou know, the only thing I could do was just say, \u2018Is Jesus even better than this?\u2019 Even if my daughter never comes back to the Lord after wandering away, am I going to believe that Jesus is still good, and that He is still better, that He is my treasure even beyond the treasure of my children?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I pray that I don\u2019t have to face that head-on, but I also know that I can work now to make a daily practice of, when that fear comes, asking myself that question now; so that if, one day, down the road, I have to face a prodigal child, then I will have made a practice.<\/p>\n<p>I did Taekwondo with my boys.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, you did. Look at you go.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Way to go!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: That is not something I ever planned to do in my life.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did we get from prodigal to Taekwondo? This is going to be interesting.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I did Taekwondo with my boys. I wasn\u2019t going to do it. I signed them up for it. It was like a family Taekwondo though; my youngest would not do it without me. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Crazy the things moms do!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I\u2019m not an athletic person! I was like, \u201cOkay!\u201d I started doing Taekwondo and the Taekwondo instructor would yell these things at us. One of the things he would yell is: \u201cPractice makes\u201d\u2014and everybody would yell\u2014\u201cperfect!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201cperfect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: And he would stop us and say, \u201cNo, practice makes habits.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019re a mom, where your kids are still young, and you\u2019re facing that fear, we can make a habit right now of believing the truth of God\u2019s Word; that God is still good in every circumstance, that He is sovereign, that\u2019s it\u2019s not something that we did that created this problem with our child. He is sovereign over our lives, and He is sovereign over theirs and that we can entrust them to Him; and if not, He is still better.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I would agree with all of that. That\u2019s beautifully said, and I think there comes a practice and a habit of surrendering your kids every day at the cross. That\u2019s not an easy thing to do.<\/p>\n<p>I think, too, that fear grips moms more than anything else if we allow it to, because we could be overwhelmed with fear every day of the circumstances of life, the culture that our kids are being raised in, the things that are going on. We can project so much fear into the future.<\/p>\n<p>I think every single day of that surrender\u2014and we picture giving Jesus our kids\u2014sometimes, I\u2019ll wake up in the middle of the night\u2014I\u2019ve told you [Dave] this not too long ago\u2014I can wake up in the middle of the night, and I have all adult children, and I think: \u201cAre their marriages okay?\u201d \u201cAre their\u2026\u201d You know, I\u2019m going through all this stuff: \u201cAre they struggling with anything?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In order to go back to sleep, I have to picture myself standing with Jesus; and I push our kids, our sons back to Jesus; and I have to say, \u201cBut, Lord, You love them more than I do. You see them more than I do. You can take care of them more than I ever could, and my worry isn\u2019t going to amount to anything that will be helpful. So, I hand them to You, a good and loving Father; and they\u2019re Yours. I\u2019m going to trust You.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, bad things still happen; but God, the gospel of the truth of Jesus is bigger than that. That\u2019s hard to live out. It has to become\u2014I like what you said, Maggie\u2014a habit of that total surrender every day.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it\u2019s been fun to ask two moms.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Hey, I really liked your question about the dads. Way to go. \u201cWhat can dads do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I hope my husband listened. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. And if he isn\u2019t, the wife is going to tell him. [Laughter] I was thinking, \u201cIf he hears it, he\u2019ll hear it himself without you having to tell him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But I think that\u2019s a great word\u2014the habit thing\u2014because surrender is a habit. It\u2019s not a one time; it\u2019s a daily, almost minute by minute\u2014especially with your children that you can\u2019t control\u2014you have to: \u201cI\u2019m opening my hands right now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because we hold on tightly to our children. As they grow up, it\u2019s the hardest thing for a parent to say, \u201cOkay, they\u2019re not mine; they\u2019re His. They may make bad decisions; they may make good ones. My identity is not how they do; my identity is in Christ. I\u2019m going to surrender again,\u201d\u2014two a.m., three a.m., six a.m. \u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to surrender,\u201d and God will walk with your children.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I have found over decades of walking with God that in many ways the end of myself is the beginning of God. Surrender is such a huge obstacle for me, because I\u2019m one of those people who wants to control stuff all the time. Maybe you\u2019re like me. My kids are now at the ages, 13 and 10, where I think, \u201cThey\u2019re going to do what they\u2019re going to do, and I can\u2019t wrangle them the way I used to.\u201d Frankly, that\u2019s terrifying. It really is.<\/p>\n<p>But it doesn\u2019t have to be, because all the control I think I had when my kids were younger was pretty much an illusion anyway. Ultimately, they belong to Jesus, and I need to trust that. So why don\u2019t we just trust Jesus with our kids like we actually mean it?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Maggie Combs on FamilyLife Today. Maggie has written a book called Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths, and it\u2019s so, so necessary right now. If this book seems appealing to you, you can get your copy right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes.<\/p>\n<p>Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When we\u2019re prioritizing walking with Jesus and we\u2019re living out motherhood like Maggie was talking about, you\u2019re really making your mark in ways that you may not even understand right now. You\u2019re making your mark in your relationship with God, you\u2019re making your mark with your spouse, you\u2019re making your mark as a parent. And one of the ways that we here at FamilyLife want to make a mark is by bringing the gospel to marriages and families.<\/p>\n<p>The cool thing is you can help us to make that mark in people\u2019s lives. This month we want to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of August. One of the ways we can do that is by you hopping in and partnering with us to become a part of the solution here at FamilyLife. We need donors to link arms with us and help to make their mark in marriages and families all over the country, and frankly, all over the world.<\/p>\n<p>Every donation that you make really makes a mark in the lives of other people that we are trying to reach here at FamilyLife. So, would you join us? Would you go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation of any amount? When you do, we are going to say thank you by sending you a limited edition FamilyLife pen, along with a copy of Brant Hansen\u2019s Unoffendable.<\/p>\n<p>We are so grateful for you partnering with us and wanting to be part of the solution to reach marriages and families for the glory of Jesus. So again, you can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to make your donation or give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or you can feel free to drop us a donation in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>Now coming up tomorrow, how do you put your spouse first in a blended family when kids have a tendency to constantly need your attention and your time? Well, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be joined by Ron Deal and Gayla Grace to talk about just that. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife.com<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/292167","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=292167"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=292167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=292167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=292167"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=292167"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=292167"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=292167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}