{"id":290960,"date":"2024-08-26T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-26T08:46:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T16:48:05","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T20:48:05","slug":"true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs\/","title":{"rendered":"True Confession: Mommy Guilt with Maggie Combs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;re a mom, you know the struggle is real. But so is the joy. Learn what to do about motherhood guilt and all the pressure on moms with Maggie Combs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;re a mom, you know the struggle is real. But so is the joy. Learn what to do about motherhood guilt and all the pressure on moms with Maggie Combs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/0aad40a6-e978-4d99-9ee5-b1cb00e8a840\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:31","filesize":"24.31M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-08-26 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[2969],"podcast_series":[8789],"cwp_profile":[9757],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-290960","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-motherhood-guilt","podcast_series-what-to-do-about-motherhood-guilt-maggie-combs","cwp_profile-maggie-combs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/290960\/true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/290960\/true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bwPqxb0GUP\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs\/\">True Confession: Mommy Guilt with Maggie Combs<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/true-confession-mommy-guilt-with-maggie-combs\/embed\/#?secret=bwPqxb0GUP\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;True Confession: Mommy Guilt with Maggie Combs&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bwPqxb0GUP\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["0aad40a6-e978-4d99-9ee5-b1cb00e8a840"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/0aad40a6-e978-4d99-9ee5-b1cb00e8a840\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:26:31"],"filesize":["24.31M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=D0002408SB&amp;cru_medium=StickyBar&amp;cru_premium=PRE21820&amp;cru_campaign=Aug2024&amp;src=fye_humanized_sticky&amp;_gl=1*1lj4vla*_gcl_au*MTY3OTQxMDA3LjE3MjQwOTA2MDk.*_ga*MTYwNjEyNzY4MC4xNzI0MDkwNjA5*_ga_85G8JM3S5D*MTcyNDE2MTIwNy4yLjEuMTcyNDE2MzAwMi4zMS4wLjkwNDQyMTE1&amp;_ga=2.14502003.570019349.1724090609-1606127680.1724090609\">FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"<\/a>\u2014join us today!<\/li>\n<li>Connect with Maggie and catch more of her thoughts on Insta at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/maggie__combs\/?hl=en\">@maggie__combs<\/a> and over at <a href=\"https:\/\/wellwateredwomen.com\/author\/guestauthor\/page\/14\/\">wellwateredwomen.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab her book, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.moodypublishers.com\/motherhood-without-all-the-rules\/\">Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/a>, on our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>True Confession: Mommy Guilt<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Maggie Combs<\/p>\n<p>From the series:What to Do about Motherhood Guilt (Day 1 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 26, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Hey, I want to take just a second to let you know how important you are to us. In fact, we couldn\u2019t even do this without your prayer support, without your financial support. We need you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You are our partners. FamilyLife and our ministry does not exist without donors and listeners who say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be just a spectator. I want to play, and I want to be a partner with FamilyLife prayerfully.\u201d That means you\u2019re praying for us. But I tell you what, I don\u2019t know if you understand this: We need your financial support as well. This is a listener-supported ministry.<\/p>\n<p>We actually have a goal right now, in the month of August, to raise $250,000, which is a lot of money.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I know. It sounds like a lot, doesn\u2019t it? But we want you to partner with us to make a difference in marriages and families with the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, let\u2019s jump in together and make a mark. You can do that. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation there. And because you\u2019re making a mark, we\u2019re going to give you a pen\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014that makes a mark on paper. You get the connection? It\u2019s a FamilyLife limited- edition pen. So, if you give a donation today or tomorrow or anytime, you become our partner, and we can change the world together.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m wondering if any of you moms can relate to this: \u201cI have a confession; I wish that I was a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better Christian. I wish I was better at reading my Bible, disciplining my kids with grace, and keeping my house clean. I don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit better.\u201d I think every single mom relates to that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I hate to tell you; dads do, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Do they?!<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cI don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, hearing you say that, I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve felt all of those things, probably in a different way, but a similar way.\u201d I know I\u2019m sitting in the studio with two moms, and I\u2019m guessing that you feel that all the time.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, and these words were written by Maggie Combs.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Who\u2019s sitting in the studio.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yay, Maggie!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever gotten a better introduction than that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ohhh! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You say that to all your hosts. [Laughter] I\u2019ve heard that one before.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Maggie has written a book called Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths. Oh, isn\u2019t that what we all need, too?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie is the mom of three sons, so you\u2019ve lived this life, and you wrote these words.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, those are the opening words of your book. I read them as well; and I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve heard my wife say almost identical [words].\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think all moms feel like they\u2019re failing at times or they\u2019re messing up. We live under this suffocating blanket of mom guilt. So let me ask you, Maggie: \u201cHelp us with that. Did you ever experience that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Every day. [Laughter] Actually, I have a statistic in the book, and I think it\u2019s something like 90 percent of moms feel like they are shamed\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: --I\u2019ll read it to you. I have it.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: You have it?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because we stopped at this quote.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. \u201c90 percent of moms feel judged, and 46 percent feel like they\u2019re being judged all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: All the time. I think I\u2019m part of the 46 percent. [Laughter] I had three boys in three years, and it was just chaos: full-time survival mode. It was just: \u201cIf I can keep them alive, we have made it through the day good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did you think it would be like that?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Oh, no. [Laughter] I think I was never one of those people that was like: \u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to be a mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: When I pictured motherhood, it was more like: \u201cMaybe when my kids went to school, I\u2019ll go and get coffee with friends.\u201d [Laughter] Or like, \u201cWell, at playdates, you get to sit and talk to your friends,\u201d right? Not when you have three boys in a row. [Laughter] You just have to keep them alive.<\/p>\n<p>I just was so overwhelmed by motherhood. It just kind of swept me away, because I was a person who was generally good at doing things, but also, I avoided anything I wasn\u2019t good at doing. [Laughter] You know how they\u2019re like: \u201cMothering is just really natural, and you\u2019re just like instinctual?\u201d That is not how it was for me. It was the first thing I had to do in my life that I couldn\u2019t quit, but I wasn\u2019t good at. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I was forced to face my own weakness in motherhood, and I wanted so badly to be a good mom. I just had to survive this season by God\u2019s power alone. Then, I got to the other side of this season, and it did start to get a little bit easier. They started going to the bathroom on their own, they started to play together instead of expecting me to be constantly entertaining them. I took a deep breath, and I felt like, \u201cNow, I can be the good mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had written this book that was all about embracing your weakness, and I\u2019d sort of be like, \u201cWell, no; I\u2019m going to do this by my own strength,\u201d and just strapping those rules back on that would help me be a good mom; just paying attention: \u201cWhat makes other women good moms?\u201d and \u201cHow could I be more like that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And don\u2019t you think so many moms are doing that? Because you\u2019re plagued\u2014we are all plagued\u2014with social media today, so we\u2019re comparing ourselves to millions of moms. We strap that guilt on and wear it.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes, social media; and even, because it\u2019s permeated so much of our thinking, even our friends\u2014we\u2019re so quick to give each other these little hopes, these little ideas\u2014we think, \u201cYou\u2019re struggling with motherhood right now? That\u2019s okay. You\u2019re a good mom.\u201d Then moms put their hope in that, and they wear that. Suddenly, that becomes a burden, because we can\u2019t all be good moms all the time.<\/p>\n<p>We pick up these things from society that are supposed to give us freedom as moms: \u201cJust go be your best self and pursue your dreams.\u201d Really, they become burdens that we have to bear, because they are not the gospel. And what moms need in this really hard day-to-day life isn\u2019t those nice platitudes online. It is the gospel itself.<\/p>\n<p>And the gospel is always countercultural. You can almost depend upon it: if it\u2019s popular\u2014if someone will put it on a wooden plaque and sell it at TJ Maxx\u00ae--it\u2019s probably not the gospel. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>So, we have to start paying attention to: \u201cWhat are these stressors that we have taken on?\u201d Because when we don\u2019t live up to those things, that leads to shame. Not living up to all the standards of the world is not sin, but we wear it like it is. We wear it like it\u2019s shame upon ourselves that we couldn\u2019t live up to that, when our standard is God\u2019s truth and His way.<\/p>\n<p>And the best news is that we don\u2019t have to be perfect at it, because He made a way where there was no way. God knows that we aren\u2019t going to be perfect moms; that\u2019s why He sent a perfect Savior. And living in the truth of that, we can grow to be\u2014not perfect moms\u2014but better moms, transformed by the power of the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s funny that you say that, because I remember this one day, getting in our car (our minivan) with all three boys, because Dave\u2019s the pastor of the church\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014minivans were awesome!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes; so, they\u2019re all\u2014I think two of them were\u2014in car seats. They were all probably five and under. I mean, I was yelling, because they\u2019re dropping their stuff; they forgot things. Honestly, I was just frustrated with myself. I looked terrible; I felt terrible about myself.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: She was actually probably frustrated with her husband; that\u2019s where it all stems from.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But I remember yelling, looking at myself in the rear-view mirror as I\u2019m looking at them behind me, and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI am the worst mom.\u201d If someone said, \u201cYou\u2019re such a good mom,\u201d I would think, \u201cNo, I\u2019m really not that great.\u201d And if you saw me in these conditions, you would think, \u201cShe\u2019s crazy!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: It means you can never be honest with your friends,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014because you want them to think you\u2019re a good mom, [Laughter] so you don\u2019t want to tell them. \u201cIf I share this with them, then they will know the secret.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Guess what, everyone? The secret is out. You\u2019re probably not a good mom, day to day, by your own power; but by God\u2019s power, you can be a holy mom, and you can be a gospel-fueled mom, who is saying to her kids, \u201cI messed up today, but that\u2019s why God is good. Come along with me. Let\u2019s see the God who saves us when we mess up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did you live in that condemnation and guilt? Did you carry that?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I think I carry it anytime where I\u2019m not fighting not to carry it. It\u2019s just so easy to pick it up again. I think Paul Tripp says, \u201cNo one speaks to yourself more than you do.\u201d I\u2019m watching the world go by, and I am just thinking, thinking, thinking. When I\u2019m not renewing my mind with the truth, I\u2019m always heading back to those other things and to what the world has told me.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like when Paul says: \u201cI don\u2019t do the things I do want to do; and then, I do the things I don\u2019t want to do.\u201d I just feel like, \u201cOh yes, that\u2019s motherhood right there.\u201d That\u2019s Romans 7, but the good news is we get to move to Romans 8.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cThere is no condemnation\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But the biggest amount of shame comes from inside of us, It\u2019s the voice inside of us talking about what we see about ourselves. The scariest thing about that is that, so often, we can start to think, \u201cMaybe that\u2019s God\u2019s voice.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly! And that God\u2019s condemning us.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: That God is condemning us.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What is it about\u2014and maybe I\u2019m wrong, because men do this as well\u2014but I often hear my wife, and now you Maggie, and other women; they carry so much. Again, I\u2019m not saying men don\u2019t do that, but often, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, the kids are fine. They\u2019re good.\u201d And you\u2019re [Ann] like, \u201cNo, they\u2019re not! I feel this. I carry this.\u201d Talk about that, because I think that\u2019s universal for moms.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Maggie, it was interesting: I gave a talk to moms, where at one time, I was saying, \u201cYou can see me, and I look like you, and I look like any other person on the street.\u201d Then I turned around, and I had taken these\u2014I can\u2019t remember how I got them to attach, but I think I had taped these\u2014dolls on the back of my jacket. I had all of these little dolls on the back.<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cEvery single mom has her children attached to her at all times of the day. So, at night, when we put our kids to bed, they\u2019re in bed, and Dave\u2019s lying in the bed free, and he\u2019s asleep. I have my children attached to me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to add this, too\u2014this happens with adult children, as well\u2014because we think, \u201cOh, they\u2019re little. Of course, they\u2019re attached.\u201d But when they\u2019re grown, I\u2019m still worrying about them, thinking about them, mulling over the things they\u2019re going through, praying for them. I think that\u2019s a difference between some men and women, not all.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I\u2019m thinking about my children right now. [Laughter] My husband texted me about something going on at home, and I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat\u2019s happening there?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think, actually, one of the first rules that the world gives us\u2014these stressful standards\u2014is: \u201cEverything depends upon you.\u201d I know my first night in the hospital with my first baby, they gave me that baby, and I thought to myself, \u201cI\u2019m responsible for this?\u201d I never had this with any of my other children, but he spit up amniotic fluid the entire night. I called the nurse; and she said, \u201cThat\u2019s fine. Take one of these blue\u201d\u2014you know those blue\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014syringes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014yes, squeezer things\u2014\u201cand just like suction it out every time he does it.\u201d I was like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He did that for the entire night long, so I did not sleep. From that day forward, I\u2019ve worn that. And sometimes, I\u2019ve worn it like a badge: \u201cSee these children? I keep them alive. Give me the praise. I am awesome.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, it\u2019s such a burden, because when you have been told that everything depends upon you, you have to be in control at all times. Any circumstances where you feel you are out of control of the future of your child make you an utter failure. I think a lot of the feelings of failure come from that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Explain the stressful standard, because you have those throughout your book. At first glance, I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what do you mean by that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: So, a stressful standard is anything that the world tells us we should do as moms. Moms are given a whole list of \u201cshoulds\u201d that range from how to choose their preschool, what kind of foods they should be eating, how much screen time they should be doing. And it\u2019s like you get to fall on this continuum of how good of a mom you\u2019re going to be by how many \u201cshoulds\u201d you can live up to.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Here\u2019s another one I just want to make sure you hear: \u201cAnd you make sure your husband is your priority in front of your kids.\u201d Okay, keep going. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Absolutely! There are plenty of marriage \u201cshoulds\u201d as well. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>The world tells us: \u201cWell, you should also take care of yourself first. [Laughter] You should probably do something outside of motherhood.\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m just drowning in the ones about motherhood, and now, I also have to do ones that are taking care of me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Every single one of those stressful standards\u2014the problem with it\u2014is that it puts us at the center of the universe, and God needs to be the center of the universe. When we are at the center of the universe, guess what? We\u2019re not very good at being in control of the universe, but we have Someone who is.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, Maggie, talk about that, because I\u2019m thinking about you with these three little boys under four. That\u2019s the stage of parenting and life where you can barely catch a breath, let alone study your Bible. You\u2019re talking about bringing the gospel. And Jesus and the gospel is enough\u2014more than enough\u2014for us. What does that look like? How did you learn how to do that in the midst of drowning in diapers?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: First of all, I\u2019m still not perfect at it by any means.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, and none of us are.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Right. But I think that I learned to do it because I needed the gospel so badly myself. Godly motherhood that I longed for so much only came as a result of spending time with God. I couldn\u2019t exhibit the fruit of the Spirit to my children by my own willpower. I can only do that by being in the Spirit, by connecting with God every day. And no, it doesn\u2019t have to look like 40 minutes of inductive study at the beginning of your day. There are lots of ways we can meet with God.<\/p>\n<p>It does look like getting in your Bible and in God\u2019s Word, but that looks different in every season. The point is an intimate relationship with our Savior, because when we are experiencing His grace and forgiveness every day, it is so much easier to give grace and forgiveness to our children. When we are preaching the gospel to ourselves, it\u2019s on the tip of our tongue when we\u2019re preaching to our children, right?<\/p>\n<p>Then we\u2019re not preaching moralism to our children; we are preaching the way of the gospel, which is: \u201cI am weak. I am a sinner, but God is strong. God is holy, and He has made a way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Is that what you mean by \u201cmotherhood without all the rules?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes; absolutely. God actually gave us good rules in the Bible, but the purpose of them is that we can grow to be more like our holy Savior. The purpose isn\u2019t to just check them off the list or earn our salvation for ourselves. The purpose of those rules is that we can live a godly life to honor and glorify Him and also to be in unbroken relationship with Him.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, you talk about saturating\u2014or marinating is the word that came to mind\u2014with the gospel every day. You\u2019ve got three little boys. How do you do it? Because your life is crazy.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Walk us through it. What does it look like?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Well,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and it will look different for every person.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014it depends upon the season, of course. So, right now, for me, it\u2019s like the first thing I do is read a Psalm every morning, because I know I can get that in.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, you\u2019re up before the boys?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Right now, I have been, but I\u2019m not one of those people that\u2019s like, \u201cI get up at five am every day.\u201d That is like\u2014I love sleep, okay? [Laughter] During the summer, I\u2019m able to get up before them more often, but during the school year, I usually can\u2019t. So, it is like reading a Psalm in the morning just takes a minute; because I wake up every day with a really hard heart; like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t want to do this following God thing. I want to do my thing, and I\u2019ve got my list of stuff that I want to get done today. I don\u2019t want to hear that God is changing my circumstances, because I was going to go meet with a friend, and now one of my kids is sick.\u201d You know? So, I have to connect with Him right away in the morning or the whole family feels it.<\/p>\n<p>I do that right now through getting in the Psalms right away. Then, when I have time, Lord willing, later in the day, I\u2019ll go back and do some deeper study somewhere else. But it\u2019s also through memorizing Scripture by putting it at the kitchen sink. I mean, how many times a day do I go to the kitchen sink?<\/p>\n<p>It can be listening\u2014if I don\u2019t have time to get to the Psalm in the morning, just listening \u2013to the Bible. And guess what? Then your kids are hearing the Bible, too, and that\u2019s so good for them.<\/p>\n<p>And just building in routines in your day: when I take a shower, I\u2019m just going to pray for my kids. [If] you\u2019re having trouble praying for your kids, just connect it to something you already do during the day\u2014or while you\u2019re brushing your teeth. What can you do to build those spiritual disciplines into your daily routine?<\/p>\n<p>I just think moms are really smart people. We can figure out how to run this whole family and keep everything afloat, and then, we get to our quiet time, and we feel like, \u201cOh, I can\u2019t make that happen.\u201d I think we\u2019re discounting moms. Moms can\u2014if they take the time, if they want to, they can\u2014make the space to be in relationship with God. Now, if they\u2019re struggling to want to, they still need to do it, because it\u2019s only by spending time in God\u2019s Word that you develop that desire to be in God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think the longer we\u2019re away from God\u2019s Word, the less we desire Him. And I put into practice a lot of those same things. I think it\u2019s one of the sweetest parts of\u2014I call it, sometimes\u2014\u201cthe desert years for moms,\u201d because it can feel so dry; it can feel alone; you can feel like you\u2019re in this parched land. I\u2019ve often said [that] I saw it as: \u201cOh, this is awful!\u201d But I also learned how to relate, and talk to, and be with God in the midst of the desert: \u201cOh, He\u2019s with me in this. He sees me in this. He loves me in this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I feel like women, when they can figure out how to bring God into it, it\u2019s almost like Daniel being in Babylon. He would go to God to pray three times a day, because he\u2019s in this place that they\u2019re worshiping false idols. We\u2019re there, too, in a land today where we\u2019re not worshiping God.<\/p>\n<p>So, I would wake up in the morning, and the first thing\u2014because, as you said, your heart can be hard right away\u2014is: \u201cGod, I give You my life today. I give You the kids today. Help me to see the way You [see], say what You would say, and hear the way You do.\u201d Just that offering of ourselves, as in Romans 12:1-2, I offer myself as a living sacrifice, praying all day long, like at the dishes. And I\u2019m praying out loud, because our kids are learning how to pray; and not just perfect prayers, [but]: \u201cLord, I\u2019m so frustrated right now. Help me to have patience\u201d; so that our kids are seeing a living gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Then, also, I did the same thing\u2014we\u2019re listening, like in the car\u2014we\u2019re listening to Scripture. The boys are fighting in the back or doing whatever, but I don\u2019t mind. Every time we got in the car to go somewhere, I would just pray, and it became this beautiful lifestyle of worship. I did miss my 45 minutes to an hour of just sitting in God\u2019s presence and God\u2019s Word, but there was a beauty in it. [In] this phase, which can be so difficult, God meets us right where we are.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: And what you\u2019re doing there is you are taking the focus off yourself,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014no longer building your own kingdom, and focusing back on God\u2019s kingdom.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And Maggie, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever done this, but I had to replace all the negativity with the positives of God\u2019s truth.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because when I wasn\u2019t doing God\u2019s truth, I was like: \u201cMy life is horrible. I have no life! Look at their life compared\u2026\u201d You know, you get into the comparison mode\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014oh, I\u2019ve heard that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014the negativity. You just feel overwhelmed with your life, and then, I would feel guilty about it, like, \u201cI have this gift of these three kids.\u201d I think that\u2019s how the gospel plays out. It\u2019s exactly as you said: we just meet with Him where we are, in our brokenness; and God fills us and allows us to live out the beauty of the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Ann Wilson bringing truth. I love this perspective, because it\u2019s one so many of us can relate with. What an important reminder about where we need to look regardless of our circumstances.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Wilson with Maggie Combs on FamilyLife Today. Maggie has written a book called Motherhood without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths. I know so many moms who struggle with exactly what Maggie is talking about: living a life of stress and anxiety when, really, what we need to be doing is focusing on the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy of Maggie\u2019s book right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d This book is really going to help you make a mark on your family.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things we\u2019re talking about all this month as we approach the end of August here is making your mark as a partner with us. Every donation that you make to the ministry of FamilyLife really helps to reach more families with the truth of the gospel. We care about that deeply here at FamilyLife, and we want you to partner with us in order to make that mission possible.<\/p>\n<p>It's our goal to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of this month, and we\u2019d love it if you would partner with us to become part of the solution here at the ministry. Link arms with us, join us, in order to see more marriages and families impacted with the gospel. When you do make a donation of any amount, we\u2019re going to say thank you by sending you a limited-edition FamilyLife pen, along with a copy of Brant Hansen\u2019s Unoffendable.<\/p>\n<p>You can head online to FamilyLifeToday.com to make your donation, or again, you can give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or you can feel free to drop us something in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up tomorrow, Maggie Combs is back with Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about the element of loneliness. Are you going through a season right now where you just feel isolated, alone, or maybe even separated from God in ways that you just haven\u2019t felt before? Well, Maggie is going to talk about that with us tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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you're a mom, you know the struggle is real. But so is the joy. Learn what to do about motherhood guilt and all the pressure on moms with Maggie Combs.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=D0002408SB&amp;cru_medium=StickyBar&amp;cru_premium=PRE21820&amp;cru_campaign=Aug2024&amp;src=fye_humanized_sticky&amp;_gl=1*1lj4vla*_gcl_au*MTY3OTQxMDA3LjE3MjQwOTA2MDk.*_ga*MTYwNjEyNzY4MC4xNzI0MDkwNjA5*_ga_85G8JM3S5D*MTcyNDE2MTIwNy4yLjEuMTcyNDE2MzAwMi4zMS4wLjkwNDQyMTE1&amp;_ga=2.14502003.570019349.1724090609-1606127680.1724090609\">FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"<\/a>\u2014join us today!<\/li>\n<li>Connect with Maggie and catch more of her thoughts on Insta at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/maggie__combs\/?hl=en\">@maggie__combs<\/a> and over at <a href=\"https:\/\/wellwateredwomen.com\/author\/guestauthor\/page\/14\/\">wellwateredwomen.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab her book, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.moodypublishers.com\/motherhood-without-all-the-rules\/\">Motherhood Without All the Rules<\/a>, on our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>True Confession: Mommy Guilt<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Maggie Combs<\/p>\n<p>From the series:What to Do about Motherhood Guilt (Day 1 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 26, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Hey, I want to take just a second to let you know how important you are to us. In fact, we couldn\u2019t even do this without your prayer support, without your financial support. We need you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You are our partners. FamilyLife and our ministry does not exist without donors and listeners who say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be just a spectator. I want to play, and I want to be a partner with FamilyLife prayerfully.\u201d That means you\u2019re praying for us. But I tell you what, I don\u2019t know if you understand this: We need your financial support as well. This is a listener-supported ministry.<\/p>\n<p>We actually have a goal right now, in the month of August, to raise $250,000, which is a lot of money.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I know. It sounds like a lot, doesn\u2019t it? But we want you to partner with us to make a difference in marriages and families with the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, let\u2019s jump in together and make a mark. You can do that. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation there. And because you\u2019re making a mark, we\u2019re going to give you a pen\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014that makes a mark on paper. You get the connection? It\u2019s a FamilyLife limited- edition pen. So, if you give a donation today or tomorrow or anytime, you become our partner, and we can change the world together.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m wondering if any of you moms can relate to this: \u201cI have a confession; I wish that I was a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better Christian. I wish I was better at reading my Bible, disciplining my kids with grace, and keeping my house clean. I don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit better.\u201d I think every single mom relates to that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I hate to tell you; dads do, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Do they?!<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cI don\u2019t have to be perfect, but I always wish I was a little bit better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, hearing you say that, I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve felt all of those things, probably in a different way, but a similar way.\u201d I know I\u2019m sitting in the studio with two moms, and I\u2019m guessing that you feel that all the time.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, and these words were written by Maggie Combs.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Who\u2019s sitting in the studio.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yay, Maggie!<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever gotten a better introduction than that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ohhh! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You say that to all your hosts. [Laughter] I\u2019ve heard that one before.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Maggie has written a book called Motherhood Without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths. Oh, isn\u2019t that what we all need, too?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie is the mom of three sons, so you\u2019ve lived this life, and you wrote these words.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, those are the opening words of your book. I read them as well; and I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve heard my wife say almost identical [words].\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think all moms feel like they\u2019re failing at times or they\u2019re messing up. We live under this suffocating blanket of mom guilt. So let me ask you, Maggie: \u201cHelp us with that. Did you ever experience that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Every day. [Laughter] Actually, I have a statistic in the book, and I think it\u2019s something like 90 percent of moms feel like they are shamed\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: --I\u2019ll read it to you. I have it.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: You have it?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because we stopped at this quote.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. \u201c90 percent of moms feel judged, and 46 percent feel like they\u2019re being judged all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: All the time. I think I\u2019m part of the 46 percent. [Laughter] I had three boys in three years, and it was just chaos: full-time survival mode. It was just: \u201cIf I can keep them alive, we have made it through the day good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did you think it would be like that?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Oh, no. [Laughter] I think I was never one of those people that was like: \u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to be a mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: When I pictured motherhood, it was more like: \u201cMaybe when my kids went to school, I\u2019ll go and get coffee with friends.\u201d [Laughter] Or like, \u201cWell, at playdates, you get to sit and talk to your friends,\u201d right? Not when you have three boys in a row. [Laughter] You just have to keep them alive.<\/p>\n<p>I just was so overwhelmed by motherhood. It just kind of swept me away, because I was a person who was generally good at doing things, but also, I avoided anything I wasn\u2019t good at doing. [Laughter] You know how they\u2019re like: \u201cMothering is just really natural, and you\u2019re just like instinctual?\u201d That is not how it was for me. It was the first thing I had to do in my life that I couldn\u2019t quit, but I wasn\u2019t good at. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I was forced to face my own weakness in motherhood, and I wanted so badly to be a good mom. I just had to survive this season by God\u2019s power alone. Then, I got to the other side of this season, and it did start to get a little bit easier. They started going to the bathroom on their own, they started to play together instead of expecting me to be constantly entertaining them. I took a deep breath, and I felt like, \u201cNow, I can be the good mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had written this book that was all about embracing your weakness, and I\u2019d sort of be like, \u201cWell, no; I\u2019m going to do this by my own strength,\u201d and just strapping those rules back on that would help me be a good mom; just paying attention: \u201cWhat makes other women good moms?\u201d and \u201cHow could I be more like that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And don\u2019t you think so many moms are doing that? Because you\u2019re plagued\u2014we are all plagued\u2014with social media today, so we\u2019re comparing ourselves to millions of moms. We strap that guilt on and wear it.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes, social media; and even, because it\u2019s permeated so much of our thinking, even our friends\u2014we\u2019re so quick to give each other these little hopes, these little ideas\u2014we think, \u201cYou\u2019re struggling with motherhood right now? That\u2019s okay. You\u2019re a good mom.\u201d Then moms put their hope in that, and they wear that. Suddenly, that becomes a burden, because we can\u2019t all be good moms all the time.<\/p>\n<p>We pick up these things from society that are supposed to give us freedom as moms: \u201cJust go be your best self and pursue your dreams.\u201d Really, they become burdens that we have to bear, because they are not the gospel. And what moms need in this really hard day-to-day life isn\u2019t those nice platitudes online. It is the gospel itself.<\/p>\n<p>And the gospel is always countercultural. You can almost depend upon it: if it\u2019s popular\u2014if someone will put it on a wooden plaque and sell it at TJ Maxx\u00ae--it\u2019s probably not the gospel. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>So, we have to start paying attention to: \u201cWhat are these stressors that we have taken on?\u201d Because when we don\u2019t live up to those things, that leads to shame. Not living up to all the standards of the world is not sin, but we wear it like it is. We wear it like it\u2019s shame upon ourselves that we couldn\u2019t live up to that, when our standard is God\u2019s truth and His way.<\/p>\n<p>And the best news is that we don\u2019t have to be perfect at it, because He made a way where there was no way. God knows that we aren\u2019t going to be perfect moms; that\u2019s why He sent a perfect Savior. And living in the truth of that, we can grow to be\u2014not perfect moms\u2014but better moms, transformed by the power of the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s funny that you say that, because I remember this one day, getting in our car (our minivan) with all three boys, because Dave\u2019s the pastor of the church\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014minivans were awesome!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes; so, they\u2019re all\u2014I think two of them were\u2014in car seats. They were all probably five and under. I mean, I was yelling, because they\u2019re dropping their stuff; they forgot things. Honestly, I was just frustrated with myself. I looked terrible; I felt terrible about myself.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: She was actually probably frustrated with her husband; that\u2019s where it all stems from.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But I remember yelling, looking at myself in the rear-view mirror as I\u2019m looking at them behind me, and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI am the worst mom.\u201d If someone said, \u201cYou\u2019re such a good mom,\u201d I would think, \u201cNo, I\u2019m really not that great.\u201d And if you saw me in these conditions, you would think, \u201cShe\u2019s crazy!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: It means you can never be honest with your friends,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014because you want them to think you\u2019re a good mom, [Laughter] so you don\u2019t want to tell them. \u201cIf I share this with them, then they will know the secret.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Guess what, everyone? The secret is out. You\u2019re probably not a good mom, day to day, by your own power; but by God\u2019s power, you can be a holy mom, and you can be a gospel-fueled mom, who is saying to her kids, \u201cI messed up today, but that\u2019s why God is good. Come along with me. Let\u2019s see the God who saves us when we mess up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did you live in that condemnation and guilt? Did you carry that?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I think I carry it anytime where I\u2019m not fighting not to carry it. It\u2019s just so easy to pick it up again. I think Paul Tripp says, \u201cNo one speaks to yourself more than you do.\u201d I\u2019m watching the world go by, and I am just thinking, thinking, thinking. When I\u2019m not renewing my mind with the truth, I\u2019m always heading back to those other things and to what the world has told me.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like when Paul says: \u201cI don\u2019t do the things I do want to do; and then, I do the things I don\u2019t want to do.\u201d I just feel like, \u201cOh yes, that\u2019s motherhood right there.\u201d That\u2019s Romans 7, but the good news is we get to move to Romans 8.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cThere is no condemnation\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u201cThere is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But the biggest amount of shame comes from inside of us, It\u2019s the voice inside of us talking about what we see about ourselves. The scariest thing about that is that, so often, we can start to think, \u201cMaybe that\u2019s God\u2019s voice.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly! And that God\u2019s condemning us.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: That God is condemning us.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What is it about\u2014and maybe I\u2019m wrong, because men do this as well\u2014but I often hear my wife, and now you Maggie, and other women; they carry so much. Again, I\u2019m not saying men don\u2019t do that, but often, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, the kids are fine. They\u2019re good.\u201d And you\u2019re [Ann] like, \u201cNo, they\u2019re not! I feel this. I carry this.\u201d Talk about that, because I think that\u2019s universal for moms.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Maggie, it was interesting: I gave a talk to moms, where at one time, I was saying, \u201cYou can see me, and I look like you, and I look like any other person on the street.\u201d Then I turned around, and I had taken these\u2014I can\u2019t remember how I got them to attach, but I think I had taped these\u2014dolls on the back of my jacket. I had all of these little dolls on the back.<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cEvery single mom has her children attached to her at all times of the day. So, at night, when we put our kids to bed, they\u2019re in bed, and Dave\u2019s lying in the bed free, and he\u2019s asleep. I have my children attached to me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to add this, too\u2014this happens with adult children, as well\u2014because we think, \u201cOh, they\u2019re little. Of course, they\u2019re attached.\u201d But when they\u2019re grown, I\u2019m still worrying about them, thinking about them, mulling over the things they\u2019re going through, praying for them. I think that\u2019s a difference between some men and women, not all.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: I\u2019m thinking about my children right now. [Laughter] My husband texted me about something going on at home, and I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat\u2019s happening there?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think, actually, one of the first rules that the world gives us\u2014these stressful standards\u2014is: \u201cEverything depends upon you.\u201d I know my first night in the hospital with my first baby, they gave me that baby, and I thought to myself, \u201cI\u2019m responsible for this?\u201d I never had this with any of my other children, but he spit up amniotic fluid the entire night. I called the nurse; and she said, \u201cThat\u2019s fine. Take one of these blue\u201d\u2014you know those blue\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014syringes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014yes, squeezer things\u2014\u201cand just like suction it out every time he does it.\u201d I was like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He did that for the entire night long, so I did not sleep. From that day forward, I\u2019ve worn that. And sometimes, I\u2019ve worn it like a badge: \u201cSee these children? I keep them alive. Give me the praise. I am awesome.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, it\u2019s such a burden, because when you have been told that everything depends upon you, you have to be in control at all times. Any circumstances where you feel you are out of control of the future of your child make you an utter failure. I think a lot of the feelings of failure come from that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Explain the stressful standard, because you have those throughout your book. At first glance, I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what do you mean by that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: So, a stressful standard is anything that the world tells us we should do as moms. Moms are given a whole list of \u201cshoulds\u201d that range from how to choose their preschool, what kind of foods they should be eating, how much screen time they should be doing. And it\u2019s like you get to fall on this continuum of how good of a mom you\u2019re going to be by how many \u201cshoulds\u201d you can live up to.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Here\u2019s another one I just want to make sure you hear: \u201cAnd you make sure your husband is your priority in front of your kids.\u201d Okay, keep going. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Absolutely! There are plenty of marriage \u201cshoulds\u201d as well. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>The world tells us: \u201cWell, you should also take care of yourself first. [Laughter] You should probably do something outside of motherhood.\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m just drowning in the ones about motherhood, and now, I also have to do ones that are taking care of me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Every single one of those stressful standards\u2014the problem with it\u2014is that it puts us at the center of the universe, and God needs to be the center of the universe. When we are at the center of the universe, guess what? We\u2019re not very good at being in control of the universe, but we have Someone who is.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, Maggie, talk about that, because I\u2019m thinking about you with these three little boys under four. That\u2019s the stage of parenting and life where you can barely catch a breath, let alone study your Bible. You\u2019re talking about bringing the gospel. And Jesus and the gospel is enough\u2014more than enough\u2014for us. What does that look like? How did you learn how to do that in the midst of drowning in diapers?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: First of all, I\u2019m still not perfect at it by any means.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, and none of us are.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Right. But I think that I learned to do it because I needed the gospel so badly myself. Godly motherhood that I longed for so much only came as a result of spending time with God. I couldn\u2019t exhibit the fruit of the Spirit to my children by my own willpower. I can only do that by being in the Spirit, by connecting with God every day. And no, it doesn\u2019t have to look like 40 minutes of inductive study at the beginning of your day. There are lots of ways we can meet with God.<\/p>\n<p>It does look like getting in your Bible and in God\u2019s Word, but that looks different in every season. The point is an intimate relationship with our Savior, because when we are experiencing His grace and forgiveness every day, it is so much easier to give grace and forgiveness to our children. When we are preaching the gospel to ourselves, it\u2019s on the tip of our tongue when we\u2019re preaching to our children, right?<\/p>\n<p>Then we\u2019re not preaching moralism to our children; we are preaching the way of the gospel, which is: \u201cI am weak. I am a sinner, but God is strong. God is holy, and He has made a way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Is that what you mean by \u201cmotherhood without all the rules?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Yes; absolutely. God actually gave us good rules in the Bible, but the purpose of them is that we can grow to be more like our holy Savior. The purpose isn\u2019t to just check them off the list or earn our salvation for ourselves. The purpose of those rules is that we can live a godly life to honor and glorify Him and also to be in unbroken relationship with Him.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, you talk about saturating\u2014or marinating is the word that came to mind\u2014with the gospel every day. You\u2019ve got three little boys. How do you do it? Because your life is crazy.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Walk us through it. What does it look like?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Well,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and it will look different for every person.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014it depends upon the season, of course. So, right now, for me, it\u2019s like the first thing I do is read a Psalm every morning, because I know I can get that in.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, you\u2019re up before the boys?<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Right now, I have been, but I\u2019m not one of those people that\u2019s like, \u201cI get up at five am every day.\u201d That is like\u2014I love sleep, okay? [Laughter] During the summer, I\u2019m able to get up before them more often, but during the school year, I usually can\u2019t. So, it is like reading a Psalm in the morning just takes a minute; because I wake up every day with a really hard heart; like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t want to do this following God thing. I want to do my thing, and I\u2019ve got my list of stuff that I want to get done today. I don\u2019t want to hear that God is changing my circumstances, because I was going to go meet with a friend, and now one of my kids is sick.\u201d You know? So, I have to connect with Him right away in the morning or the whole family feels it.<\/p>\n<p>I do that right now through getting in the Psalms right away. Then, when I have time, Lord willing, later in the day, I\u2019ll go back and do some deeper study somewhere else. But it\u2019s also through memorizing Scripture by putting it at the kitchen sink. I mean, how many times a day do I go to the kitchen sink?<\/p>\n<p>It can be listening\u2014if I don\u2019t have time to get to the Psalm in the morning, just listening \u2013to the Bible. And guess what? Then your kids are hearing the Bible, too, and that\u2019s so good for them.<\/p>\n<p>And just building in routines in your day: when I take a shower, I\u2019m just going to pray for my kids. [If] you\u2019re having trouble praying for your kids, just connect it to something you already do during the day\u2014or while you\u2019re brushing your teeth. What can you do to build those spiritual disciplines into your daily routine?<\/p>\n<p>I just think moms are really smart people. We can figure out how to run this whole family and keep everything afloat, and then, we get to our quiet time, and we feel like, \u201cOh, I can\u2019t make that happen.\u201d I think we\u2019re discounting moms. Moms can\u2014if they take the time, if they want to, they can\u2014make the space to be in relationship with God. Now, if they\u2019re struggling to want to, they still need to do it, because it\u2019s only by spending time in God\u2019s Word that you develop that desire to be in God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think the longer we\u2019re away from God\u2019s Word, the less we desire Him. And I put into practice a lot of those same things. I think it\u2019s one of the sweetest parts of\u2014I call it, sometimes\u2014\u201cthe desert years for moms,\u201d because it can feel so dry; it can feel alone; you can feel like you\u2019re in this parched land. I\u2019ve often said [that] I saw it as: \u201cOh, this is awful!\u201d But I also learned how to relate, and talk to, and be with God in the midst of the desert: \u201cOh, He\u2019s with me in this. He sees me in this. He loves me in this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I feel like women, when they can figure out how to bring God into it, it\u2019s almost like Daniel being in Babylon. He would go to God to pray three times a day, because he\u2019s in this place that they\u2019re worshiping false idols. We\u2019re there, too, in a land today where we\u2019re not worshiping God.<\/p>\n<p>So, I would wake up in the morning, and the first thing\u2014because, as you said, your heart can be hard right away\u2014is: \u201cGod, I give You my life today. I give You the kids today. Help me to see the way You [see], say what You would say, and hear the way You do.\u201d Just that offering of ourselves, as in Romans 12:1-2, I offer myself as a living sacrifice, praying all day long, like at the dishes. And I\u2019m praying out loud, because our kids are learning how to pray; and not just perfect prayers, [but]: \u201cLord, I\u2019m so frustrated right now. Help me to have patience\u201d; so that our kids are seeing a living gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Then, also, I did the same thing\u2014we\u2019re listening, like in the car\u2014we\u2019re listening to Scripture. The boys are fighting in the back or doing whatever, but I don\u2019t mind. Every time we got in the car to go somewhere, I would just pray, and it became this beautiful lifestyle of worship. I did miss my 45 minutes to an hour of just sitting in God\u2019s presence and God\u2019s Word, but there was a beauty in it. [In] this phase, which can be so difficult, God meets us right where we are.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: And what you\u2019re doing there is you are taking the focus off yourself,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: \u2014no longer building your own kingdom, and focusing back on God\u2019s kingdom.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And Maggie, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever done this, but I had to replace all the negativity with the positives of God\u2019s truth.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because when I wasn\u2019t doing God\u2019s truth, I was like: \u201cMy life is horrible. I have no life! Look at their life compared\u2026\u201d You know, you get into the comparison mode\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014oh, I\u2019ve heard that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014the negativity. You just feel overwhelmed with your life, and then, I would feel guilty about it, like, \u201cI have this gift of these three kids.\u201d I think that\u2019s how the gospel plays out. It\u2019s exactly as you said: we just meet with Him where we are, in our brokenness; and God fills us and allows us to live out the beauty of the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Ann Wilson bringing truth. I love this perspective, because it\u2019s one so many of us can relate with. What an important reminder about where we need to look regardless of our circumstances.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Wilson with Maggie Combs on FamilyLife Today. Maggie has written a book called Motherhood without All the Rules: Trading Stressful Standards for Gospel Truths. I know so many moms who struggle with exactly what Maggie is talking about: living a life of stress and anxiety when, really, what we need to be doing is focusing on the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy of Maggie\u2019s book right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d This book is really going to help you make a mark on your family.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things we\u2019re talking about all this month as we approach the end of August here is making your mark as a partner with us. Every donation that you make to the ministry of FamilyLife really helps to reach more families with the truth of the gospel. We care about that deeply here at FamilyLife, and we want you to partner with us in order to make that mission possible.<\/p>\n<p>It's our goal to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of this month, and we\u2019d love it if you would partner with us to become part of the solution here at the ministry. Link arms with us, join us, in order to see more marriages and families impacted with the gospel. When you do make a donation of any amount, we\u2019re going to say thank you by sending you a limited-edition FamilyLife pen, along with a copy of Brant Hansen\u2019s Unoffendable.<\/p>\n<p>You can head online to FamilyLifeToday.com to make your donation, or again, you can give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or you can feel free to drop us something in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>Coming up tomorrow, Maggie Combs is back with Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about the element of loneliness. Are you going through a season right now where you just feel isolated, alone, or maybe even separated from God in ways that you just haven\u2019t felt before? Well, Maggie is going to talk about that with us tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife.com<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/290960","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=290960"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=290960"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=290960"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=290960"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=290960"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=290960"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=290960"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}