{"id":287595,"date":"2024-08-22T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-22T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T16:50:05","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T20:50:05","slug":"just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr\/","title":{"rendered":"Just how important is chemistry in a relationship?: Allen and Jennifer Parr"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Just how important is chemistry in a relationship? Author and YouTube influencer Allen Parr and his wife Jennifer shared what mattered&#8211;and didn&#8217;t&#8211;as their relationship developed over time and distance.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How important is chemistry in a relationship? YouTube influencer Allen Parr and wife Jennifer shared what mattered&#8211;or didn&#8217;t&#8211;as their relationship grew.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/60dd7be4-0034-4da8-8fbc-b1cb00e8a83f\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:21","filesize":"25.08M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-08-22 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901,2088,2831],"tags":[2799],"podcast_series":[8788],"cwp_profile":[9956],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-287595","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-strong-character","podcast_series-dating-marriage-advice-allen-jennifer-parr","cwp_profile-allen-and-jennifer-parr","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/287595\/just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/287595\/just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9w4HbTylTF\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr\/\">Just how important is chemistry in a relationship?: Allen and Jennifer Parr<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/just-how-important-is-chemistry-in-a-relationship-allen-and-jennifer-parr\/embed\/#?secret=9w4HbTylTF\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Just how important is chemistry in a relationship?: Allen and Jennifer Parr&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9w4HbTylTF\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! 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Catch him on social media on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/allenparrministries\">Facebook<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/instagram.com\/allengparr\">Insta<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/allengparr\">X<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Pick up his new book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/misled-7-lies-that-distort-the-gospel-and-how-you-can-discern-the-truth\/\">Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel (and How You Can Discern the Truth)<\/a>, in our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Explore FamilyLife's diverse <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/group-studies\/companion-workbooks\/\">selection of workbooks<\/a>, including the new Art of Marriage\u2014perfect for small groups, marriage events, and personal growth journeys!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.allenparr.com\/red-flags-in-relationships\/\">Help spot the red flags in relationships<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Just How Important is Chemistry in a Relationship?<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Allen and Jennifer Parr<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Dating and Marriage Advice (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 22, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Before we get started today, we have something special for you, our listeners. We have a sale.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, on small group material. When you are leading a small group, you are always looking for great stuff. We\u2019ve got some great stuff: The Art of Marriage\u00ae, Vertical Marriage\u2122, Love Like You Mean It\u00ae. You name it, we\u2019ve got great small group material for you, and it\u2019s on sale right now.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Twenty-five percent off for the whole month of August.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Go to FamilyLife.com\/shop and get your discount. Get your stuff and get ready, because God is going to change lives in your family room as you lead that small group.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We believe we can do things by ourselves. I felt like I could go to D.C., I could conquer that city, [and] I could do it all by myself. God slowly softened my heart that: \u201cYou need Me. You need Me, but not only do you need Me, you need a man who submits to Me, who will lead you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think we have the most beautiful couple in the world sitting with us for an interview today. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ve had a lot of couples but, I\u2019m telling you\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014you all are kind.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014you two are\u2014honestly, Allen and Jennifer Parr are with us. They\u2019re embarrassed now, I\u2019m sure, but I have to ask you this: have you ever done any modeling?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I definitely have not\u2014no, not at all.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: People say you look like Denzel Washington.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You do!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, you do. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You totally do!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m a little afraid of you right now. You know [like] in The Equalizer. You might take me out.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right, right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Jennifer, have you?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: No professional modeling.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: If you are listening to just audio right now, you might want to go to the YouTube\u00ae Channel (FamilyLife\u2019s YouTube channel) and take a look.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You guys, we\u2019re really excited for you to be here today.<\/p>\n<p>Allen, you didn\u2019t get married until 40. Did you say it was on his birthday?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Tell us your story. How did this happen? Because people know, at least, Allen. Do they know you as well on YouTube?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, Jennifer, you are on YouTube.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We\u2019ve done some relationship videos, so it\u2019s been fun. I sneak in here and there. I\u2019m a mom, as well as a wife.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019ve been married how many years?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Eight years; it will be nine this November.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How many kids?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Two kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They are how old?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Seven and five\u2014seven-year-old girl; five-year-old boy.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Fun times.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s really fun.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Parenting is real in this season. It\u2019s real.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We had two under two and that was really stressful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh, boy.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We tell people that the hardest phase of marriage is when you have little kids.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re tired.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yesss!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You think that you\u2019ve gotten them to sleep through the night, but then they get sick.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Did you hear the way he said he\u2019s tired?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yesss!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Or they\u2019re teething, or you go on vacation, or there\u2019s a time change, and everything changes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s hard.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Because you work all day\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014and you\u2019re not in your 20\u2019s, having a 5-year-old and 7-year-old. You are in your 40\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right, exactly. It\u2019s a different world.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I don\u2019t mind saying my age. I\u2019m in my 30\u2019s, late 30\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014you are young.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014late 30\u2019s; I turn 40 this year.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did you guys meet?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We met on Valentine\u2019s Day: February 14, 2014.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: That\u2019s like the most clich\u00e9 date to meet, Valentine\u2019s Day.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Seriously!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: [It\u2019s the] worst day for singles if you\u2019re a Christian single, right? Because you\u2019re trying to do the right thing, but you\u2019re feeling the pressure of having to be in a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: And you feel alone. You\u2019re lonely.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: You feel alone. So, our church had an event. It was a singles\u2019 event. I was serving. I was a greeter at the door, and I was not there looking for a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But then Denzel\u2014I mean, Allen\u2014walked in. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: How could I turn down Denzel Washington walking through the church doors, right? And coming through my door, too? But I had been in so many unhealthy relationships. Even though a Denzel look alike was walking through the door, I was so laser-focused [that] I didn\u2019t even see him. I was just there to serve.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: [You] didn\u2019t really notice him?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: [I] didn\u2019t really notice him, but I had a conversation with him.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, but I want to know if Allen noticed [Jennifer].<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, I noticed. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I thought so. That\u2019s what I figured.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I don\u2019t know what she noticed, but I noticed for sure. That\u2019s what led to us having a conversation. We talked, but I was really struck, because I had dated different girls before I met her and couldn\u2019t seem to find the right girl. There was something about that conversation that we had, that first night at this party, that was different for some reason. I felt something different. I would say we talked for about 45 minutes or so, off and on, throughout the night.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I\u2019d go back and find her, and we\u2019d continue our conversation. After that, maybe a month later, we started going out on what she liked to call appointments, because she didn\u2019t want to call it a date. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cAppointments!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait, wait. I have to go back.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I was laser-focused.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay, Jennifer, when you had that conversation, did you feel that same thing? What was so unique?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I do remember our conversation. It\u2019s just that I didn\u2019t want to engage my heart too much, because I had done that in the past too early. So, I was serving, and he was another guy who walked through the door that I was saying hello to, but I stopped my heart there.<\/p>\n<p>What I do remember, though, is that he kept coming back. The intentionality was what I noticed that night that I had not observed before. Because most guys\u2014they\u2019re at a singles event; it\u2019s at a church\u2014are making their rounds, right?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: You make rounds; but he kept coming back. That was the first sign of intentionality that I think is so important for a man to have when [he is] pursuing a woman.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You like that he wasn\u2019t afraid to come back; he wasn\u2019t passive.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: No, he was not.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He was confident, it sounds like.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: What\u2019s interesting is that another reason that she didn\u2019t mention (as far as not engaging her heart) is that\u2014little did I know that when I met her\u2014she had already been making plans to move to Washington, D.C. to work out there, because she had never lived outside of Texas.<\/p>\n<p>We started dating and, in my mind, I was falling in love by the second. [I thought], \u201cThis is the one for me.\u201d Two months in, I\u2019ve already communicated on the third or fourth date my intentions about \u201cHey, I\u2019m here. I\u2019m serious. I\u2019m not trying to find somebody just to hang out with. I\u2019m a minister. I\u2019m looking for a ministry partner. I\u2019m looking for a wife. I\u2019m serious.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I thought that she was on board. Then, a month later, she hit me with: \u201cI got a job offer in Washington, D.C., and I\u2019m taking it; and I\u2019m going to be moving to D.C.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In my mind, my whole world was shaken right there, thinking, \u201cHow could you do that? Don\u2019t you see we\u2019re building something here in Dallas? You\u2019re going to complicate our relationship by making it long distance.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had a choice.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What happened?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It\u2019s like a drama. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I had prayed for a man that had good intentions, godly intentions. When he said, \u201cI\u2019m not looking for a girlfriend. I\u2019m looking for a wife,\u201d I had prayed for that. Then, I got it. I feel like God gave it to me, then I became fearful.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You were afraid.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: All these doubts came into my mind: \u201cAm I going to make a good wife? Am I ready to be a wife? Is this what I want?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Or, \u201cWhat if he\u2019s like the other guys?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Or, \u201cWhat if he\u2019s like the other guys?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I took that job, because I think the enemy had done a great job\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014oh, you left him!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I left.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I thought you were going to say you didn\u2019t go.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I left.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: She left.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I took that job, and I left. It wasn\u2019t his fault. But prior to meeting him, I was in a relationship that I had turned down a job to stay for that person, and it didn\u2019t work. I was so laser focused. Then you throw in doubt, you throw in fear, and all these things that the enemy can take and run with, and I said, \u201cPeace out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, she got in her car, packed all her stuff, and moved to D.C. And for the next year, we were long distance dating.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We were long distance.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You continued to pursue her.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We continued. There was\u2014once again, there was\u2014something special. I said, \u201cI\u2019ve not found this with anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What was it?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I feel like with every other woman that I had ever dated\u2014I call it the big three, physical, emotional, spiritual\u2014I kid you not, every single woman I had ever dated before her, there was always one of those three that were missing.<\/p>\n<p>Either I was physically attracted to them and spiritually they were on point\u2014we could pray together; we could talk about the Word\u2014but there wasn\u2019t a friendship connection. There wasn\u2019t joy to be around each other. We didn\u2019t laugh; we didn\u2019t have fun with each other. There wasn\u2019t a sense that we could talk all day, and it wasn\u2019t these awkward silences and different things like that. Or it was the other two. We could talk all day, and I was physically attracted, but they didn\u2019t love Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>I met her, and I thought, \u201cWow! I checked all the boxes.\u201d Everything was there, and I felt a peace about that. What I didn\u2019t want to do is give her an ultimatum and say, \u201cHey, if you want to be with me, you need to stay here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Because I knew\u2014the Spirit of the Lord told me\u2014that if I do that, and she did stay, she could resent me for a long time for not allowing her to go away. It\u2019s so amazing to me how short term\u2014our thinking is so short term\u2014whenever we think, \u201cWe are going to be away from each other for a year. Are we going to be able to make it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been married eight years now, and we hardly even remember.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Now that we look back, that year went by so fast.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We need to be careful not to make long-term decisions based on a short-term reality. Don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019m going to give this up,\u201d because you could be missing out on a lifetime of love.<\/p>\n<p>The last thing is to talk to them about how that really helped our relationship, as well.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Oh, my goodness. [It gave us] a solid foundational friendship. When you remove the physical aspect of a relationship, you have no choice but to focus on other things.<\/p>\n<p>This is the first relationship I had been in where, while we were dating, I grew closer to Christ than to him. Most guys want to pull you in so you can get connected to them, but my relationship with the Lord grew so much, and it was because of our conversations. We had Bible studies over the phone. We talked for how long? Tell them the record.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014seven hours.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014seven hours!<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We had one conversation. We had to screenshot.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What?!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No, you didn\u2019t!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You guys, this is a Lifetime movie.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We showed them, at our wedding, the screenshot.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: When we got off the phone, I screenshotted it. We were on the phone for over seven hours one time.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Was it late at night? You didn\u2019t fall asleep?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It was. We started a conversation at probably like eight. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We used to do that.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We didn\u2019t get off until three or four in the morning.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m thinking about it. We did the same thing. We started dating, and Dave went to college in Indiana; I went to college in Kentucky.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Distance.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We did the same thing. You\u2019re right. We just talked.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What you just said about the spiritual component, that you were falling deeper in love with Jesus, [reminds me of] one night, after dropping Ann off at her parents\u2019 house; I got in my car, and I was driving home. I was 21 or 22 years old. I had never been in a Christian dating relationship in my life. I was a pretty new Christian, about a year then. Every other one of them was without Christ.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [One] said she was.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, well, and I said\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u201cThey said\u2026.\u201d That\u2019s how they get you.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, you know that story, too.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I know that story.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Honestly, I said I was, and I wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I really wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You weren\u2019t a disciple.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember driving away from\u2014I backed out of her driveway. I was leaving her house, and I screamed, impromptu, at the top of my lungs, \u201cI love Jesus!\u201d I remember that it reverberated in my little car. I thought, \u201cWhat did I just say?\u201d It hit me that spending time with this woman was making me fall more in love with Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember thinking, \u201cThis is the way God wants it to be. You\u2019re falling deeper in love because of the person you\u2019re spending time with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because we were going on mission together.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: That\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s so different.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right. We call it purpose partners.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Yes, we are purpose partners.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We feel like that\u2019s why God put us together. We are purpose partners; we are able to fulfill our individual purposes at a better level together than we ever would\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014we always said that. Because I remember the first time we talked for a long [time]. It was one of our first dates. I thought, \u201cThis guy is going to change the world for Christ, and I want to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [I thought], \u201cI don\u2019t care. If I\u2019m not with him, I\u2019m going to do that anyway. But together, what would that look like?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What happened? Did you get married the next day? What happened? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I love that you said that, because some things started to happen in my heart, as well. Remember when I left Dallas, I was fearful, right? I was fearful of being a wife or being pursued by someone who was looking for a wife. As I was in D.C., I was plugged in. As I was growing spiritually, I realized, \u201cThis city is great, and I\u2019m doing great things here; but it means nothing if I\u2019m not doing it with the person God is calling me to do it with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was a light-bulb moment that went off, because before I left Texas, I told God\u2014isn\u2019t that funny, I told God? \u201cI\u2019m not coming back here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You told\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u201cI\u2019m not coming back here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m sure God was looking at me thinking, \u201cOkay, Jennifer, just wait; just wait.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Because she loved D.C.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I did.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: [She] loved it, especially [coming from] Texas.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I bet.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: For a lot of reasons; but for one, seasonally I had never experienced\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014cherry blossoms.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014cherry blossoms. I didn\u2019t know what a cherry blossom was. I got there, and I thought, \u201cWow! There\u2019s a whole festival around this.\u201d You can have all of that, but it means nothing if you are not able to live out what God has called you to do and to do that with someone who is on the same mission. I remember having this light-bulb moment. He had been the one the whole time. I just needed to see that and trust what God had put on his heart, too, to lead me as well.<\/p>\n<p>During those eight months, we developed a solid friendship. This is one thing I would say is so important: to have friendship. Because now, looking back, we\u2019re in the thick of it, like he said, [with] parenting. In this season, marriage can be hard with little kids.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, we may not love each other, but we like each other, because we\u2019re friends. [We think], \u201cI miss my friend.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I\u2019m being honest. That dating allowed us to develop a very solid friendship.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Tell me what you did with your fear, because you were so afraid to step into it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I trusted God. I know that sounds so clich\u00e9, but we believe we can do things by ourselves. I felt like I could go to D.C. [and] I could conquer that city, I could do it all by myself. God slowly softened my heart that, \u201cYou need Me. You need Me; but not only do you need Me, you need a man who submits to Me who will lead you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s another thing that I would say: that prior to Allen, I would always focus on chemistry. \u201cOh, me and this guy don\u2019t connect,\u201d or \u201cWe have great chemistry. He may be toxic, but we have great chemistry.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I know we\u2019re going to talk about red flags, right? But I missed all those red flags, focusing on chemistry. This was the first relationship where his character trumped our chemistry.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, that\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: He still has solid character.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I can see it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I think God was trying to show me: \u201cFocus on this. He has great character. That\u2019s not going to change. Focus on Me.\u201d And the fear slowly started to melt away.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Chemistry can change sometimes over the course of a relationship, over the course of a marriage. You have moments where you feel things strongly and other times you don\u2019t; but character? You\u2019re right.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Chemistry will change. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Totally.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, it will change because of different seasons, right? When you\u2019re seven months pregnant and hormones are raging\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014hormones, woo!<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It\u2019s like, \u201cWell, chemistry looks a little different in those times.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Do you still love me, Babe?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I still love you. I still love you in all seasons; but I was going to say\u2014also something else that helped you with your fear: you had some godly women in your life who helped you. [They] encouraged you about: \u201cWhat\u2019s more important? To have this career and be this career woman in D.C, crushing it and slaying all your career goals? Is this where you want to be, or do you want to have a family one day? Do you want to settle down?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You had some really good women who helped pour into you, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s important.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It\u2019s so important. I think if you are younger or the younger generation, there is no reason to be scared of older people. They are old because they are wise. Lean into that. I had some women who spoke life into me and said, \u201cJennifer, this is great, but I want to give you a perspective of what is important long term. Don\u2019t be fearful of this. Focus on that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That really helped, because fear is natural. It\u2019s real emotion, and it\u2019s okay to have.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I love, too, that you met each other at a church, at a singles event. You had godly women pouring into you who were giving you feedback. I think sometimes, as singles, we\u2019re out places trying to meet a possible mate, a future husband or wife. I love that you were at a great church. That would be a great step for a single person, too.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I\u2019ve seen the Lord do an amazing transformation in my wife, because when we met her career was very, very important and she\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014what were you doing?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I was doing communication, journalism, all that.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: She wanted to move up, and she ended up getting the dream job. She was working for Toyota\u00ae, a great company. She loved the company. I\u2019d say about four years ago (maybe three years ago), we made the decision to bring her home so she could focus more on family and ministry and different things like that.<\/p>\n<p>That was a huge sacrifice. That was more [of] God putting that on her heart. It wasn\u2019t me pressuring her, saying, \u201cI need you more here.\u201d The more she was trying to juggle\u2014and I know many of our listeners will understand and appreciate this\u2014she was trying so hard to juggle being a mom, being a wife, and working full-time at a very demanding company, demanding job. You loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That was the thing. It wasn\u2019t that you didn\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It was a great job.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: You loved what you were doing. It created a lot of difficult tensions in our marriage dynamic. I mean, picking up the kids from daycare and sometimes them being the last one. I\u2019m up there trying to do videos, and I would say, \u201cI can\u2019t pick them up, because I\u2019m in the middle of doing this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You could have pressured her into feeling all of that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014or made her feel guilty, or manipulated the situation, but you let God.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: The Lord did a transformation. She came to me one day and said, \u201cI feel like\u2014as much as I love my job, I feel like\u2014the Lord is calling me to give this up and be more available for my family. She\u2019s done that, and I can say that I personally think that was one of the best decisions we could have ever made for our family.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Have you ever regretted that, Jennifer?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely not.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I grieved it. Change is a good thing. It\u2019s not bad, [but] I grieved it for about six months, because that was all that I had known. But I realized I was grieving something that I had put so much into that it became my identity. I think God was softening my heart to say, \u201cI didn\u2019t give this opportunity to you to replace Me or replace your identity.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It did that, if I\u2019m being honest. I grieved that. I had to unlearn a lot of things to learn: \u201cOkay, this is a blessing. This is a gift.\u201d It's been amazing. I\u2019m trying not to get emotional when I\u2019m thinking about it, but it really has been.<\/p>\n<p>Once again, we talked about character. That character came in where he never pressured me. [He said], \u201cOkay, Babe, you\u2019re ready? Alright, I support you in this.\u201d He supported me when I was in it, but that was what that wise woman was showing me: character is way more important than all these other things you are looking at in a godly partner.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I\u2019ll add one thing, too. My wife is from West Africa. She\u2019s from Nigeria. She comes from a line of very strong women who have careers. Some of them were the primary bread winners, financially, in her family. That was one thing she had to deal with was: \u201cHow am I going to contribute to our family? How am I going to help?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s where some identity came in.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes. \u201cHow am I going to help, because all I know, and all I\u2019ve seen is strong women who are doctors, lawyers, accountants, CPAs, and different things; and they\u2019re doing these things?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She had to deal with, \u201cWhat am I going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWhat\u2019s my contribution?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes; \u201cWhat\u2019s my contribution now going to be to the family?\u201d That\u2019s why I said I see transformation in her, because she didn\u2019t realize at the time that just being a present mother and a loving, supportive wife is a greater contribution than you can ever imagine for your kids, for your husband. I\u2019m so thankful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s interesting, we were going to talk about 15 or 10 or 5 red flags.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: 20o!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019re out of time, but I want to highlight something that you said\u2014that this whole story has said\u2014about a red flag: \u201cCharacter trumps chemistry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Just the way you said that [made me think], \u201cThat\u2019s a book title; that\u2019s a chapter title.\u201d Elaborate just a second on that: why is character so important? Because we live in a culture that says, \u201cChemistry is what it\u2019s all about.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely!<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cIf you don\u2019t have that, forget it!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, we are not saying it isn\u2019t important, but compared to character, right?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I think we make a lot of decisions based on our feelings.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: And chemistry is feelings-based. It\u2019s how we feel about that person or, \u201cHow does that person makes me feel?\u201d That\u2019s important, right? It is important; but I don\u2019t think Jesus teaches us to operate on just feelings. Character doesn\u2019t change. Your character is heart-rooted, with the Holy Spirit. It\u2019s grounded, and that typically doesn\u2019t change.<\/p>\n<p>If someone were to come to me and say, \u201cWe heard Allen Park robbed the bank,\u201d I would say, \u201cNot my Allen Park,\u201d because of his character. We kind of drift a little bit, but we always come back to who we are.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: That\u2019s that foundational piece, I think, [which] is way more important than the emotion-based, right? That\u2019s why I look back, and the decisions we\u2019ve made together, his character creeps in. I think, \u201cYes, of course he didn\u2019t pressure me, because\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014that\u2019s who he is!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014\"that\u2019s who he is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you are single, it\u2019s okay if you\u2019ve made some poor decisions based on your emotions, especially as women, right? God gave us emotions for a reason, especially women.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It\u2019s not a bad thing. I just think it\u2019s important to, as we grow, focus on what doesn\u2019t change, and that\u2019s God. Even the characteristics of God, as we see, they don\u2019t change.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: In some ways, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is character.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And our walk with God. That\u2019s where our character comes from.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Character is king! It\u2019s true. Walking with God is really the way to develop character and watch your life change for God\u2019s glory and for our good, because who doesn\u2019t love someone who has deep, rich character.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Allen and Jennifer Parr on FamilyLife Today. If you want to learn more about Allen Parr\u2019s ministry and see that he has over a million subscribers on YouTube, we\u2019re going to put a link to his YouTube channel, called The Beat, in our show notes.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s approaching the end of August. As you are getting ready for small groups in the fall, we wanted to let you know that all FamilyLife workbooks are 25 percent off for the rest of this month. You can go to the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com, look around, and pick out something that will work best for you as you start a small group this upcoming fall. Again, you can head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link in the show notes.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, the Wilsons are joined once again by Allen and Jennifer Parr to unpack a few more red flags in unhealthy relationships. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you will join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-22.pdf"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2024-08-22 08:00:00"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/60dd7be4-0034-4da8-8fbc-b1cb00e8a83f\/audio.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_g_feedback_shortcode_b8ef4f6b3b1f4195e6f03d920537947fafcab979":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" \/]"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_atts_b8ef4f6b3b1f4195e6f03d920537947fafcab979":["a:17:{s:2:\"to\";s:29:\"margaret.coyle@familylife.com\";s:7:\"subject\";s:105:\"[FamilyLife - A Cru Ministry] Just how important is chemistry in a relationship?: Allen and Jennifer Parr\";s:12:\"show_subject\";s:2:\"no\";s:6:\"widget\";i:0;s:14:\"block_template\";N;s:19:\"block_template_part\";N;s:2:\"id\";i:287595;s:18:\"submit_button_text\";s:6:\"Submit\";s:14:\"customThankyou\";s:0:\"\";s:21:\"customThankyouHeading\";s:26:\"Your message has been sent\";s:21:\"customThankyouMessage\";s:30:\"Thank you for your submission!\";s:22:\"customThankyouRedirect\";s:0:\"\";s:10:\"jetpackCRM\";b:1;s:9:\"className\";N;s:9:\"postToUrl\";N;s:14:\"salesforceData\";N;s:12:\"hiddenFields\";N;}"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-287595.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-287595.js"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"How important is chemistry in a relationship? YouTube influencer Allen Parr and wife Jennifer shared what mattered--or didn't--as their relationship grew.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<div style=\"text-align: center\"><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ss4yQKZFWyo?si=c3KjbCSLWUioU8EY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special FamilyLife Pen and <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=FLTD24&amp;cru_medium=Icare&amp;cru_campaign=August2024&amp;_gl=1*i7nrhi*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE3MTcwMTQ3ODQuQ2owS0NRandwTnV5QmhDdUFSSXNBTkpxTDlOZnNmVlp5TUhEOU55WG14QjFTbVhFb3FLTUFlM3dsRGZlLUUtaTh5U2NjN0hfSnNVQnNZc2FBbVhnRUFMd193Y0I.*_gcl_au*MTk2MDk5NjM3Mi4xNzE4NjM0NDIz*_ga*OTI3MTAyODQ4LjE2OTUxMjkzOTk.*_ga_85G8JM3S5D*MTcyMzQwNzQ5MC42MzkuMS4xNzIzNDA5NDc2LjQ2LjAuMTI4NjI3MTUzNg..&amp;_ga=2.4838195.1899240771.1723407491-927102848.1695129399\">Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"\u2014join us today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Connect with Allen at <a href=\"http:\/\/allenparr.com\/\">allenparr.com<\/a> and watch Allen's latest episodes on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@thebeatagp\">YouTube<\/a>. Catch him on social media on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/allenparrministries\">Facebook<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/instagram.com\/allengparr\">Insta<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/allengparr\">X<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Pick up his new book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/misled-7-lies-that-distort-the-gospel-and-how-you-can-discern-the-truth\/\">Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel (and How You Can Discern the Truth)<\/a>, in our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Explore FamilyLife's diverse <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/group-studies\/companion-workbooks\/\">selection of workbooks<\/a>, including the new Art of Marriage\u2014perfect for small groups, marriage events, and personal growth journeys!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.allenparr.com\/red-flags-in-relationships\/\">Help spot the red flags in relationships<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Just How Important is Chemistry in a Relationship?<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Allen and Jennifer Parr<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Dating and Marriage Advice (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 22, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Before we get started today, we have something special for you, our listeners. We have a sale.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, on small group material. When you are leading a small group, you are always looking for great stuff. We\u2019ve got some great stuff: The Art of Marriage\u00ae, Vertical Marriage\u2122, Love Like You Mean It\u00ae. You name it, we\u2019ve got great small group material for you, and it\u2019s on sale right now.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Twenty-five percent off for the whole month of August.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Go to FamilyLife.com\/shop and get your discount. Get your stuff and get ready, because God is going to change lives in your family room as you lead that small group.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We believe we can do things by ourselves. I felt like I could go to D.C., I could conquer that city, [and] I could do it all by myself. God slowly softened my heart that: \u201cYou need Me. You need Me, but not only do you need Me, you need a man who submits to Me, who will lead you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think we have the most beautiful couple in the world sitting with us for an interview today. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ve had a lot of couples but, I\u2019m telling you\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014you all are kind.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014you two are\u2014honestly, Allen and Jennifer Parr are with us. They\u2019re embarrassed now, I\u2019m sure, but I have to ask you this: have you ever done any modeling?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I definitely have not\u2014no, not at all.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: People say you look like Denzel Washington.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You do!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, you do. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You totally do!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m a little afraid of you right now. You know [like] in The Equalizer. You might take me out.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right, right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Jennifer, have you?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: No professional modeling.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: If you are listening to just audio right now, you might want to go to the YouTube\u00ae Channel (FamilyLife\u2019s YouTube channel) and take a look.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You guys, we\u2019re really excited for you to be here today.<\/p>\n<p>Allen, you didn\u2019t get married until 40. Did you say it was on his birthday?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Tell us your story. How did this happen? Because people know, at least, Allen. Do they know you as well on YouTube?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, Jennifer, you are on YouTube.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We\u2019ve done some relationship videos, so it\u2019s been fun. I sneak in here and there. I\u2019m a mom, as well as a wife.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019ve been married how many years?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Eight years; it will be nine this November.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How many kids?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Two kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They are how old?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Seven and five\u2014seven-year-old girl; five-year-old boy.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Fun times.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s really fun.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Parenting is real in this season. It\u2019s real.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We had two under two and that was really stressful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh, boy.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We tell people that the hardest phase of marriage is when you have little kids.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re tired.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yesss!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You think that you\u2019ve gotten them to sleep through the night, but then they get sick.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Did you hear the way he said he\u2019s tired?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yesss!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Or they\u2019re teething, or you go on vacation, or there\u2019s a time change, and everything changes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s hard.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Because you work all day\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014and you\u2019re not in your 20\u2019s, having a 5-year-old and 7-year-old. You are in your 40\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right, exactly. It\u2019s a different world.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I don\u2019t mind saying my age. I\u2019m in my 30\u2019s, late 30\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014you are young.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014late 30\u2019s; I turn 40 this year.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did you guys meet?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We met on Valentine\u2019s Day: February 14, 2014.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: That\u2019s like the most clich\u00e9 date to meet, Valentine\u2019s Day.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Seriously!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: [It\u2019s the] worst day for singles if you\u2019re a Christian single, right? Because you\u2019re trying to do the right thing, but you\u2019re feeling the pressure of having to be in a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: And you feel alone. You\u2019re lonely.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: You feel alone. So, our church had an event. It was a singles\u2019 event. I was serving. I was a greeter at the door, and I was not there looking for a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But then Denzel\u2014I mean, Allen\u2014walked in. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: How could I turn down Denzel Washington walking through the church doors, right? And coming through my door, too? But I had been in so many unhealthy relationships. Even though a Denzel look alike was walking through the door, I was so laser-focused [that] I didn\u2019t even see him. I was just there to serve.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: [You] didn\u2019t really notice him?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: [I] didn\u2019t really notice him, but I had a conversation with him.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, but I want to know if Allen noticed [Jennifer].<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, I noticed. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I thought so. That\u2019s what I figured.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I don\u2019t know what she noticed, but I noticed for sure. That\u2019s what led to us having a conversation. We talked, but I was really struck, because I had dated different girls before I met her and couldn\u2019t seem to find the right girl. There was something about that conversation that we had, that first night at this party, that was different for some reason. I felt something different. I would say we talked for about 45 minutes or so, off and on, throughout the night.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I\u2019d go back and find her, and we\u2019d continue our conversation. After that, maybe a month later, we started going out on what she liked to call appointments, because she didn\u2019t want to call it a date. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cAppointments!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait, wait. I have to go back.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I was laser-focused.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay, Jennifer, when you had that conversation, did you feel that same thing? What was so unique?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I do remember our conversation. It\u2019s just that I didn\u2019t want to engage my heart too much, because I had done that in the past too early. So, I was serving, and he was another guy who walked through the door that I was saying hello to, but I stopped my heart there.<\/p>\n<p>What I do remember, though, is that he kept coming back. The intentionality was what I noticed that night that I had not observed before. Because most guys\u2014they\u2019re at a singles event; it\u2019s at a church\u2014are making their rounds, right?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: You make rounds; but he kept coming back. That was the first sign of intentionality that I think is so important for a man to have when [he is] pursuing a woman.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You like that he wasn\u2019t afraid to come back; he wasn\u2019t passive.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: No, he was not.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He was confident, it sounds like.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: What\u2019s interesting is that another reason that she didn\u2019t mention (as far as not engaging her heart) is that\u2014little did I know that when I met her\u2014she had already been making plans to move to Washington, D.C. to work out there, because she had never lived outside of Texas.<\/p>\n<p>We started dating and, in my mind, I was falling in love by the second. [I thought], \u201cThis is the one for me.\u201d Two months in, I\u2019ve already communicated on the third or fourth date my intentions about \u201cHey, I\u2019m here. I\u2019m serious. I\u2019m not trying to find somebody just to hang out with. I\u2019m a minister. I\u2019m looking for a ministry partner. I\u2019m looking for a wife. I\u2019m serious.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I thought that she was on board. Then, a month later, she hit me with: \u201cI got a job offer in Washington, D.C., and I\u2019m taking it; and I\u2019m going to be moving to D.C.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In my mind, my whole world was shaken right there, thinking, \u201cHow could you do that? Don\u2019t you see we\u2019re building something here in Dallas? You\u2019re going to complicate our relationship by making it long distance.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had a choice.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What happened?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It\u2019s like a drama. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I had prayed for a man that had good intentions, godly intentions. When he said, \u201cI\u2019m not looking for a girlfriend. I\u2019m looking for a wife,\u201d I had prayed for that. Then, I got it. I feel like God gave it to me, then I became fearful.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You were afraid.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: All these doubts came into my mind: \u201cAm I going to make a good wife? Am I ready to be a wife? Is this what I want?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Or, \u201cWhat if he\u2019s like the other guys?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Or, \u201cWhat if he\u2019s like the other guys?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I took that job, because I think the enemy had done a great job\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014oh, you left him!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I left.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I thought you were going to say you didn\u2019t go.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I left.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: She left.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I took that job, and I left. It wasn\u2019t his fault. But prior to meeting him, I was in a relationship that I had turned down a job to stay for that person, and it didn\u2019t work. I was so laser focused. Then you throw in doubt, you throw in fear, and all these things that the enemy can take and run with, and I said, \u201cPeace out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, she got in her car, packed all her stuff, and moved to D.C. And for the next year, we were long distance dating.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We were long distance.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You continued to pursue her.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We continued. There was\u2014once again, there was\u2014something special. I said, \u201cI\u2019ve not found this with anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What was it?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I feel like with every other woman that I had ever dated\u2014I call it the big three, physical, emotional, spiritual\u2014I kid you not, every single woman I had ever dated before her, there was always one of those three that were missing.<\/p>\n<p>Either I was physically attracted to them and spiritually they were on point\u2014we could pray together; we could talk about the Word\u2014but there wasn\u2019t a friendship connection. There wasn\u2019t joy to be around each other. We didn\u2019t laugh; we didn\u2019t have fun with each other. There wasn\u2019t a sense that we could talk all day, and it wasn\u2019t these awkward silences and different things like that. Or it was the other two. We could talk all day, and I was physically attracted, but they didn\u2019t love Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>I met her, and I thought, \u201cWow! I checked all the boxes.\u201d Everything was there, and I felt a peace about that. What I didn\u2019t want to do is give her an ultimatum and say, \u201cHey, if you want to be with me, you need to stay here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Because I knew\u2014the Spirit of the Lord told me\u2014that if I do that, and she did stay, she could resent me for a long time for not allowing her to go away. It\u2019s so amazing to me how short term\u2014our thinking is so short term\u2014whenever we think, \u201cWe are going to be away from each other for a year. Are we going to be able to make it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been married eight years now, and we hardly even remember.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Now that we look back, that year went by so fast.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We need to be careful not to make long-term decisions based on a short-term reality. Don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019m going to give this up,\u201d because you could be missing out on a lifetime of love.<\/p>\n<p>The last thing is to talk to them about how that really helped our relationship, as well.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Oh, my goodness. [It gave us] a solid foundational friendship. When you remove the physical aspect of a relationship, you have no choice but to focus on other things.<\/p>\n<p>This is the first relationship I had been in where, while we were dating, I grew closer to Christ than to him. Most guys want to pull you in so you can get connected to them, but my relationship with the Lord grew so much, and it was because of our conversations. We had Bible studies over the phone. We talked for how long? Tell them the record.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014seven hours.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014seven hours!<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We had one conversation. We had to screenshot.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What?!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No, you didn\u2019t!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You guys, this is a Lifetime movie.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: We showed them, at our wedding, the screenshot.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: When we got off the phone, I screenshotted it. We were on the phone for over seven hours one time.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Was it late at night? You didn\u2019t fall asleep?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It was. We started a conversation at probably like eight. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We used to do that.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We didn\u2019t get off until three or four in the morning.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m thinking about it. We did the same thing. We started dating, and Dave went to college in Indiana; I went to college in Kentucky.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Distance.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We did the same thing. You\u2019re right. We just talked.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What you just said about the spiritual component, that you were falling deeper in love with Jesus, [reminds me of] one night, after dropping Ann off at her parents\u2019 house; I got in my car, and I was driving home. I was 21 or 22 years old. I had never been in a Christian dating relationship in my life. I was a pretty new Christian, about a year then. Every other one of them was without Christ.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [One] said she was.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, well, and I said\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u201cThey said\u2026.\u201d That\u2019s how they get you.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, you know that story, too.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I know that story.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Honestly, I said I was, and I wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I really wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You weren\u2019t a disciple.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember driving away from\u2014I backed out of her driveway. I was leaving her house, and I screamed, impromptu, at the top of my lungs, \u201cI love Jesus!\u201d I remember that it reverberated in my little car. I thought, \u201cWhat did I just say?\u201d It hit me that spending time with this woman was making me fall more in love with Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember thinking, \u201cThis is the way God wants it to be. You\u2019re falling deeper in love because of the person you\u2019re spending time with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because we were going on mission together.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: That\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s so different.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right. We call it purpose partners.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Yes, we are purpose partners.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: We feel like that\u2019s why God put us together. We are purpose partners; we are able to fulfill our individual purposes at a better level together than we ever would\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014we always said that. Because I remember the first time we talked for a long [time]. It was one of our first dates. I thought, \u201cThis guy is going to change the world for Christ, and I want to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [I thought], \u201cI don\u2019t care. If I\u2019m not with him, I\u2019m going to do that anyway. But together, what would that look like?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What happened? Did you get married the next day? What happened? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I love that you said that, because some things started to happen in my heart, as well. Remember when I left Dallas, I was fearful, right? I was fearful of being a wife or being pursued by someone who was looking for a wife. As I was in D.C., I was plugged in. As I was growing spiritually, I realized, \u201cThis city is great, and I\u2019m doing great things here; but it means nothing if I\u2019m not doing it with the person God is calling me to do it with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was a light-bulb moment that went off, because before I left Texas, I told God\u2014isn\u2019t that funny, I told God? \u201cI\u2019m not coming back here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You told\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u201cI\u2019m not coming back here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m sure God was looking at me thinking, \u201cOkay, Jennifer, just wait; just wait.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Because she loved D.C.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I did.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: [She] loved it, especially [coming from] Texas.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I bet.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: For a lot of reasons; but for one, seasonally I had never experienced\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014cherry blossoms.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014cherry blossoms. I didn\u2019t know what a cherry blossom was. I got there, and I thought, \u201cWow! There\u2019s a whole festival around this.\u201d You can have all of that, but it means nothing if you are not able to live out what God has called you to do and to do that with someone who is on the same mission. I remember having this light-bulb moment. He had been the one the whole time. I just needed to see that and trust what God had put on his heart, too, to lead me as well.<\/p>\n<p>During those eight months, we developed a solid friendship. This is one thing I would say is so important: to have friendship. Because now, looking back, we\u2019re in the thick of it, like he said, [with] parenting. In this season, marriage can be hard with little kids.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, we may not love each other, but we like each other, because we\u2019re friends. [We think], \u201cI miss my friend.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I\u2019m being honest. That dating allowed us to develop a very solid friendship.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Tell me what you did with your fear, because you were so afraid to step into it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I trusted God. I know that sounds so clich\u00e9, but we believe we can do things by ourselves. I felt like I could go to D.C. [and] I could conquer that city, I could do it all by myself. God slowly softened my heart that, \u201cYou need Me. You need Me; but not only do you need Me, you need a man who submits to Me who will lead you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s another thing that I would say: that prior to Allen, I would always focus on chemistry. \u201cOh, me and this guy don\u2019t connect,\u201d or \u201cWe have great chemistry. He may be toxic, but we have great chemistry.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I know we\u2019re going to talk about red flags, right? But I missed all those red flags, focusing on chemistry. This was the first relationship where his character trumped our chemistry.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, that\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: He still has solid character.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I can see it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I think God was trying to show me: \u201cFocus on this. He has great character. That\u2019s not going to change. Focus on Me.\u201d And the fear slowly started to melt away.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Chemistry can change sometimes over the course of a relationship, over the course of a marriage. You have moments where you feel things strongly and other times you don\u2019t; but character? You\u2019re right.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Chemistry will change. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Totally.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, it will change because of different seasons, right? When you\u2019re seven months pregnant and hormones are raging\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014hormones, woo!<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It\u2019s like, \u201cWell, chemistry looks a little different in those times.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Do you still love me, Babe?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I still love you. I still love you in all seasons; but I was going to say\u2014also something else that helped you with your fear: you had some godly women in your life who helped you. [They] encouraged you about: \u201cWhat\u2019s more important? To have this career and be this career woman in D.C, crushing it and slaying all your career goals? Is this where you want to be, or do you want to have a family one day? Do you want to settle down?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You had some really good women who helped pour into you, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s important.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It\u2019s so important. I think if you are younger or the younger generation, there is no reason to be scared of older people. They are old because they are wise. Lean into that. I had some women who spoke life into me and said, \u201cJennifer, this is great, but I want to give you a perspective of what is important long term. Don\u2019t be fearful of this. Focus on that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That really helped, because fear is natural. It\u2019s real emotion, and it\u2019s okay to have.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I love, too, that you met each other at a church, at a singles event. You had godly women pouring into you who were giving you feedback. I think sometimes, as singles, we\u2019re out places trying to meet a possible mate, a future husband or wife. I love that you were at a great church. That would be a great step for a single person, too.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I\u2019ve seen the Lord do an amazing transformation in my wife, because when we met her career was very, very important and she\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014what were you doing?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I was doing communication, journalism, all that.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: She wanted to move up, and she ended up getting the dream job. She was working for Toyota\u00ae, a great company. She loved the company. I\u2019d say about four years ago (maybe three years ago), we made the decision to bring her home so she could focus more on family and ministry and different things like that.<\/p>\n<p>That was a huge sacrifice. That was more [of] God putting that on her heart. It wasn\u2019t me pressuring her, saying, \u201cI need you more here.\u201d The more she was trying to juggle\u2014and I know many of our listeners will understand and appreciate this\u2014she was trying so hard to juggle being a mom, being a wife, and working full-time at a very demanding company, demanding job. You loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That was the thing. It wasn\u2019t that you didn\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It was a great job.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: You loved what you were doing. It created a lot of difficult tensions in our marriage dynamic. I mean, picking up the kids from daycare and sometimes them being the last one. I\u2019m up there trying to do videos, and I would say, \u201cI can\u2019t pick them up, because I\u2019m in the middle of doing this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You could have pressured her into feeling all of that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014or made her feel guilty, or manipulated the situation, but you let God.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: The Lord did a transformation. She came to me one day and said, \u201cI feel like\u2014as much as I love my job, I feel like\u2014the Lord is calling me to give this up and be more available for my family. She\u2019s done that, and I can say that I personally think that was one of the best decisions we could have ever made for our family.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Have you ever regretted that, Jennifer?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely not.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I grieved it. Change is a good thing. It\u2019s not bad, [but] I grieved it for about six months, because that was all that I had known. But I realized I was grieving something that I had put so much into that it became my identity. I think God was softening my heart to say, \u201cI didn\u2019t give this opportunity to you to replace Me or replace your identity.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It did that, if I\u2019m being honest. I grieved that. I had to unlearn a lot of things to learn: \u201cOkay, this is a blessing. This is a gift.\u201d It's been amazing. I\u2019m trying not to get emotional when I\u2019m thinking about it, but it really has been.<\/p>\n<p>Once again, we talked about character. That character came in where he never pressured me. [He said], \u201cOkay, Babe, you\u2019re ready? Alright, I support you in this.\u201d He supported me when I was in it, but that was what that wise woman was showing me: character is way more important than all these other things you are looking at in a godly partner.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I\u2019ll add one thing, too. My wife is from West Africa. She\u2019s from Nigeria. She comes from a line of very strong women who have careers. Some of them were the primary bread winners, financially, in her family. That was one thing she had to deal with was: \u201cHow am I going to contribute to our family? How am I going to help?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s where some identity came in.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes. \u201cHow am I going to help, because all I know, and all I\u2019ve seen is strong women who are doctors, lawyers, accountants, CPAs, and different things; and they\u2019re doing these things?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She had to deal with, \u201cWhat am I going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWhat\u2019s my contribution?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes; \u201cWhat\u2019s my contribution now going to be to the family?\u201d That\u2019s why I said I see transformation in her, because she didn\u2019t realize at the time that just being a present mother and a loving, supportive wife is a greater contribution than you can ever imagine for your kids, for your husband. I\u2019m so thankful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s interesting, we were going to talk about 15 or 10 or 5 red flags.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: 20o!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019re out of time, but I want to highlight something that you said\u2014that this whole story has said\u2014about a red flag: \u201cCharacter trumps chemistry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Just the way you said that [made me think], \u201cThat\u2019s a book title; that\u2019s a chapter title.\u201d Elaborate just a second on that: why is character so important? Because we live in a culture that says, \u201cChemistry is what it\u2019s all about.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: Absolutely!<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cIf you don\u2019t have that, forget it!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, we are not saying it isn\u2019t important, but compared to character, right?<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: I think we make a lot of decisions based on our feelings.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: And chemistry is feelings-based. It\u2019s how we feel about that person or, \u201cHow does that person makes me feel?\u201d That\u2019s important, right? It is important; but I don\u2019t think Jesus teaches us to operate on just feelings. Character doesn\u2019t change. Your character is heart-rooted, with the Holy Spirit. It\u2019s grounded, and that typically doesn\u2019t change.<\/p>\n<p>If someone were to come to me and say, \u201cWe heard Allen Park robbed the bank,\u201d I would say, \u201cNot my Allen Park,\u201d because of his character. We kind of drift a little bit, but we always come back to who we are.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: That\u2019s that foundational piece, I think, [which] is way more important than the emotion-based, right? That\u2019s why I look back, and the decisions we\u2019ve made together, his character creeps in. I think, \u201cYes, of course he didn\u2019t pressure me, because\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014that\u2019s who he is!<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: \u2014\"that\u2019s who he is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you are single, it\u2019s okay if you\u2019ve made some poor decisions based on your emotions, especially as women, right? God gave us emotions for a reason, especially women.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Jennifer: It\u2019s not a bad thing. I just think it\u2019s important to, as we grow, focus on what doesn\u2019t change, and that\u2019s God. Even the characteristics of God, as we see, they don\u2019t change.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: In some ways, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is character.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And our walk with God. That\u2019s where our character comes from.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Character is king! It\u2019s true. Walking with God is really the way to develop character and watch your life change for God\u2019s glory and for our good, because who doesn\u2019t love someone who has deep, rich character.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Allen and Jennifer Parr on FamilyLife Today. If you want to learn more about Allen Parr\u2019s ministry and see that he has over a million subscribers on YouTube, we\u2019re going to put a link to his YouTube channel, called The Beat, in our show notes.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s approaching the end of August. As you are getting ready for small groups in the fall, we wanted to let you know that all FamilyLife workbooks are 25 percent off for the rest of this month. You can go to the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com, look around, and pick out something that will work best for you as you start a small group this upcoming fall. Again, you can head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link in the show notes.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, the Wilsons are joined once again by Allen and Jennifer Parr to unpack a few more red flags in unhealthy relationships. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you will join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/287595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=287595"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=287595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=287595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=287595"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=287595"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=287595"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=287595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}