{"id":286198,"date":"2024-08-13T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-13T08:18:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T16:54:25","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T20:54:25","slug":"discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr\/","title":{"rendered":"Discernment: How to Sharpen Your Toolset, with Allen Parr"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Would you know how to spot a false teaching in your faith community? Allen Parr shares his faith story and help for growing biblical discernment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What Bible teachers do you trust? Would you realize if they taught something &#8216;off&#8217;? Join Allen Parr for a discussion on biblical literacy and discernment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/33e025b9-7f24-4cd3-814d-b1c90152cf5d\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:33","filesize":"23.43M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-08-13 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2866],"tags":[2792],"podcast_series":[8785],"cwp_profile":[9952],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-286198","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-disciplines-essentials-faith","tag-biblical-discernment","podcast_series-misled-7-lies-that-distort-the-gospel-allen-parr","cwp_profile-allen-parr","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/286198\/discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/286198\/discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"T2YIU95jUz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr\/\">Discernment: How to Sharpen Your Toolset, with Allen Parr<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/discernment-how-to-sharpen-your-toolset-with-allen-parr\/embed\/#?secret=T2YIU95jUz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Discernment: How to Sharpen Your Toolset, with Allen Parr&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"T2YIU95jUz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What Bible teachers do you trust? Would you realize if they taught something 'off'? Join Allen Parr for a discussion on biblical literacy and discernment.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special FamilyLife Pen and <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=FLTD24&amp;cru_medium=Icare&amp;cru_campaign=August2024&amp;_gl=1*i7nrhi*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE3MTcwMTQ3ODQuQ2owS0NRandwTnV5QmhDdUFSSXNBTkpxTDlOZnNmVlp5TUhEOU55WG14QjFTbVhFb3FLTUFlM3dsRGZlLUUtaTh5U2NjN0hfSnNVQnNZc2FBbVhnRUFMd193Y0I.*_gcl_au*MTk2MDk5NjM3Mi4xNzE4NjM0NDIz*_ga*OTI3MTAyODQ4LjE2OTUxMjkzOTk.*_ga_85G8JM3S5D*MTcyMzQwNzQ5MC42MzkuMS4xNzIzNDA5NDc2LjQ2LjAuMTI4NjI3MTUzNg..&amp;_ga=2.4838195.1899240771.1723407491-927102848.1695129399\">Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"\u2014join us today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Connect with Allen at <a href=\"http:\/\/allenparr.com\/\">allenparr.com<\/a> and watch Allen's latest episodes on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@thebeatagp\">YouTube<\/a>. Catch him on social media on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/allenparrministries\">Facebook<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/instagram.com\/allengparr\">Insta<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/allengparr\">X<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Pick up his new book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/misled-7-lies-that-distort-the-gospel-and-how-you-can-discern-the-truth\/\">Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel (and How You Can Discern the Truth)<\/a>, in our shop!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Discernment: How to Sharpen Your Toolset<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Allen Parr<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Misled: 7 Lies that Distort the Gospel (Day 2 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 13, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Hey, before we get started today, I have to read you a comment that came in from one of our listeners: she said, \u201cI realized, listening today, that it was shame that I\u2019ve been feeling my whole life. This broadcast just nailed it on the head. I\u2019ve spent my whole life trying to find love and acceptance; and after hearing this show, it just made sense: \u2018God does love me.\u2019 When Ann said the line, \u2018You are already loved,\u2019 I cried; I said, \u2018That\u2019s for me! I\u2019m already loved.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m telling you [emotion in voice]: it\u2019s when people are impacted like that\u2014that makes me cry\u2014because that\u2019s our hope, that people meet Jesus and be helped.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I think that\u2019s why we do what we do. That\u2019s what all of us want: we want to make a difference; we want to leave a mark. FamilyLife\u00ae is all about leaving a mark and helping you leave a mark. Let me tell you: we have a financial goal, in the month of August, so that we can leave a mark and you can leave a mark. You won\u2019t believe this: the goal is $250,000.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We think we can do it; so we are asking: \u201cWill you help us reach that goal?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Jump in with us, at any level; FamilyLifeToday.com is where you can do that; become a partner. If you jump in with us, we can make a mark in your life; and you and I can make a mark on all kinds of people for legacies and generations to come.<\/p>\n<p>And, guess what? If you jump in with us in August, we\u2019re going to send you Brant Hanson\u2019s book, Unoffendable.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014and a pen [Laughter]\u2014a FamilyLife limited-edition pen\u2014you know, \u201cMake a mark\u201d; that\u2019s what pens do. You're going to use it to carve up through Brant\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a crazy great book. Let me just say this: \u201cWe need you; we love you. We want to partner together\u2014when you and I\/you and we partner together\u2014we can change the world. So let\u2019s jump in together today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: There\u2019s got to be a way, as parents, where we communicate our extreme, consistent love\u2014that: \u201cWe are committed to you, 100 percent, [to] your well-being,\u201d\u2014but love does not mean acceptance: \u201cI can still love you, but that doesn\u2019t mean I can accept every decision you make in your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: One of the things that rarely happened, when I preached for 30 years,\u2014I don\u2019t know if it ever happened; I\u2019m sure it happened a couple of times\u2014but hardly ever did anyone in the congregation come up, after a sermon, and say I taught something that they thought was in error.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I might have. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh, yes; you did. She did that every single week\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That\u2019s impressive.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014told me what I should and shouldn\u2019t say.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That\u2019s what God gave us wives for. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, there you go! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got Allen Parr with us again today, who\u2019s written a book on theology and not being misled.<\/p>\n<p>Allen, I\u2019d love to hear your perspective\u2014I was just thinking about that\u2014I sort of wanted that. It would be nice if a guy or a buddy came up, and said, \u201cHey, I know the Bible; and I\u2019m not sure you\u2026\u201d That never happened. Do you know why?\u2014because most of the people in the church don\u2019t know their Bible very well.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014don\u2019t know their Bibles.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And they wouldn\u2019t know, I don\u2019t think, if I was in error or if I was right on. Now, my elders\/our elders were watching; and they were careful\u2014that was part of their job\u2014to make sure we were staying biblical.<\/p>\n<p>You are writing a book to help people understand, you said, the seven lies that distort the gospel.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Sure.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019ve been doing this for quite a while. Do you find people pushing back, even on what you are doing? You\u2019re on YouTube\u00ae every single day.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, you\u2019ve got to get pushback on YouTube; don\u2019t you?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, I get tons of pushback on You Tube. YouTube is\u2014there\u2019s a lot of pushback\u2014I get DM\u2019s (for those of you who don\u2019t know, that\u2019s Direct Messages) through Instagram\u00ae, Facebook\u00ae; we get comments on YouTube channel; we get emails. A lot of it is just because people have been taught incorrectly. They don\u2019t know how to study the Bible in context; and their pastor preaches \u201cthis,\u201d or comes from a certain theological bent or bias, and so they think that I\u2019m teaching error because maybe they\u2019ve been taught something different.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not going to say that I have perfect theology; I wouldn\u2019t be as arrogant to say that I\u2019ve never made a mistake or anything like that. I think all of us are developing our understanding, and I need to be humble about that. But there are some things that are just clearly off\u2014that many churches, and pastors, and ministers, and Christians are promoting\u2014and a lot of it comes from people, not knowing how to study the Word of God properly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes; and if you pick up the book, you might not even agree, Allen, with some of the things that you are saying. But we talked yesterday about there are essentials of the gospel that are mandatory for our faith and our belief.<\/p>\n<p>But there are also some things that are going on that\u2014some of you may not agree with it\u2014but it creates a great discussion. As we talked yesterday, too: \u201cWhat does the Word of God say about some of these topics?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Again, we don\u2019t have time to go through all seven; but just so the listener knows, you tackle:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I haven\u2019t spoken in tongues, am I missing out?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAre health and wealth guaranteed for all the faithful?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo I really have the power to speak things into existence?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat about prophets and prophecy?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s one I would love to tackle today\u2014it may take our whole time; I don\u2019t know\u2014<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat does progressive Christianity teach?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m guessing some listeners are thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know what you are talking about. What is progressive Christianity?\u201d\u2014it feels like it is everywhere.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, Progressive Christianity is becoming more and more popular. For those of you, who are not familiar with that, progressive Christianity is a branch of religion. I say it that way, because I\u2019m careful not to label it as Christianity. Essentially, what is happening is there are people who want to have the best of both worlds:<\/p>\n<p>They want to have Christ but on their own terms.<\/p>\n<p>They want to have the Bible but only when it\u2019s consistent or in agreement with how they want to live.<\/p>\n<p>As we\u2019ll share in just a moment, they\u2019ll kind of rip out parts of the Bible; and \u201cIf it applies to me, then, I\u2019ll take it; and if not, I\u2019m going to throw that part out.\u201d Largely, the Old Testament\/many of things in the Old Testament are thrown out. The idea of being progressive is that, because our culture has progressed in certain areas\u2014as it relates to moral issues, or inclusivism, and things of that nature\u2014then, the assumption is that God has also progressed in these areas.<\/p>\n<p>And Christians: \u201cYou\u2019re a stone-aged Christian if you are still believing these things:<\/p>\n<p>if you still believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman;<\/p>\n<p>if you still believe that if you were born a man then that\u2019s how you need to identify;<\/p>\n<p>and things of that nature.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re a stone-aged Christian if you believe those things. The culture has progressed; we\u2019ve gotten to a different place. God has progressed; so therefore, Christians need to as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s heartbreaking to see churches that are becoming progressive; pastors who have gone full-blown progressive. It\u2019s a result of us not being bold enough to take a stand against culture; we are allowing ourselves to be influenced by the culture. As culture is shifting, many Christians are shifting along with it, not realizing that God has not progressed in His beliefs on certain things; and we, as Christians, should not progress on these things, either.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Let\u2019s get into some of that. I\u2019m thinking of parents, as their kids are coming home, and\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I think the big one, as you think about parents, is \u201cinclusive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As you think about, like you said, marriage\u2014here at FamilyLife\u2014this is a ministry that\u2019s been around 40-plus years; its foundation is the Word of God. The foundation for marriage is one man, one woman\/covenant of marriage. We\u2019ve always believed that; we still believe that. If there are any listeners, who wonder, \u201cAre you still there?\u201d Oh, yes; of course, we\u2019re there.<\/p>\n<p>But our kids\u2014a lot of us, as parents\/a lot of churches; I pastored a church\u2014and there\u2019s always that: you want to be relevant to the culture and be able to speak the truth to the current culture, but the truth doesn\u2019t change. \u201cHow do you help your kids understand what the Bible says and how that\u2019s not being progressive?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: I would want to point out to them: \u201cWhat are some of the specific signs or tendencies\u2014[of] a \u2018progressive Christian\u2019 or a \u2018progressive church\u2019\u2014what are some of the things you need to look out for?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One would be a low view of Christ. The idea is that Christ really is not necessarily our Savior, because we don\u2019t need to be saved from our sin; because we don\u2019t really believe in original sin: \u201cWe are all good people, trying to progress. But Christ is really more of our example\u2014he loved people; he treated people well\u2014so therefore, when you look at Christ, don't look at him as a Savior; look at him as an example for us to follow in terms of how he treated people and how he was inclusive of all people from all parts of life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s another thing that you want to look for: low view of Christ [and] inclusivism. This one is a huge one because, oftentimes, what many progressive Christians will want to do is redefine what the word, \u201clove,\u201d means. They want to equate love with acceptance; they\u2019ll say, \u201cJesus accepted everyone. Jesus loved everyone; so therefore, we should as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Not realizing, as I point out in the book many times, is that, \u201cYes, Jesus does love us; but nowhere in the Gospels does it teach that Jesus co-signed for their sin\u201d; right? Yes, He accepted them for where they were with the desire\u2014to take them to where He wanted them to be\u2014which was a fully-devoted follower of Christ. So yes, we need to accept people where they are; but love doesn't mean we accept their whole lifestyle.<\/p>\n<p>Another pillar of progressive Christianity would be a relaxed view on moral issues.<\/p>\n<p>Low view of Scripture is another one: cherry picking which parts of the Bible that you want.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; I like, even in the book, how you go into some of the teaching that different churches will do or different theologies on; [for example], inclusion. You\u2019ll say: \u201cHere\u2019s where they get their argument from\u2026from Scripture\u2014because it looks like, \u2018Hey, this is what the Bible says,\u2019\u2014but here\u2019s why it\u2019s wrong\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s really helpful for a parent, especially\u2014for any one of us\u2014but if my child is, not just at a church that is progressive; but he or she is now saying, \u201cI\u2019m gay\u201d; how would you respond, as a parent?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because that is happening all the time.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I can\u2019t tell you how many parents have come up to me, and said, \u201cAnn, I want you to talk to my son\u201d or \u201c\u2026my daughter,\u201d\u2014usually, \u201c\u2026my daughter\u201d\u2014\"because she says she\u2019s gay now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m sure there are listeners, right now, thinking\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, right now.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201dPlease help me, because I\u2019m navigating that reality.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, that can be very, very challenging; because what we want to say, as parents, is the good old saying: \u201cLove the sinner; hate the sin.\u201d That type of phrasing doesn\u2019t work, because that person identifies with that lifestyle. If you say, \u201cI\u2019m going to love you but not love your sin,\u201d then, basically, that child interprets that as, \u201cWell, you don\u2019t love me, then; because what you think is sin is me; I am this.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u201cI am this lifestyle.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We need to communicate to our kids that\u2014no matter who they claim to be\/no matter what they are\u2014we will always love them. And if they ever need anything at all, they can always come to us, as parents, no matter what. They can always depend on mom and dad for anything that they need.<\/p>\n<p>With that, we need to communicate to our kids that: \u201cI love you, but my love and my reverence for God supersedes my love for you. That means, as you know, I\u2019m a Christian; and you are going through a stage\u2014where you believe this\/don\u2019t know what you believe\u2014I believe that this is wrong. I believe that marriage is for a man and a woman, so I won\u2019t be able to support your relationship.\u201d We need to communicate, with love and clarity, to our kids what we believe, and why we believe it; but then, at the same time, confirm to them that: \u201cThis will never change my love for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The last thing I\u2019ll say is we need to help our kids understand that love does not mean acceptance: \u201cI can still love, you but that doesn\u2019t mean I can accept every decision that you make in your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And they will push back: \u201cNo, you don\u2019t love me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cYou don\u2019t love what I\u2019m doing; you don\u2019t love me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I like the calm\u2014the composure\u2014\u201cNo, I do love you.\u201d I tend to be way more reactive than Dave; he\u2019s way more calm. I think it\u2019s important, even if your son or daughter comes\u2014take a moment to calm down and go be by yourself\u2014and to pray, \u201cLord, give me wisdom to know how to respond.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As a parent\u2014to know what the Bible says\u2014if we don\u2019t know, man, they can persuade us. The culture can throw out some Scripture, here and there, and you can think, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve never thought of it like that.\u201d I love that you are saying, \u201cHere is the truth of God\u2019s Word, but we need to respond in a loving way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, and let me add one other thing. We talk about Scripture, showing our kids Scripture. One of the things I would encourage parents to do is, when we talk about telling our kids that we love them, we take them to 1 Corinthians 13 and explain to them, word for word, what true love is. We say, \u201cOkay, if you don\u2019t think I love you, let\u2019s look at what the Bible says about love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLove is patient\u201d; \u201cMy promise to you is that I will always be patient with you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLove is kind\u201d; \u201cI will do my best, even though I don\u2019t agree with your lifestyle, to always be kind.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLove is patient; love is kind; love does not boast; love does not envy.\u201d But then point them:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLove does not rejoice in unrighteousness.\u201d \u201cMy Bible says that I cannot rejoice in what I believe is unrighteousness. So if I believe what you are doing is not right, how can I rejoice in that when the Bible says love, for me, is to not do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut love never fails; love always hopes; love never gives up.\u201d \u201cI will always hope for you; I will never give up on loving you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As parents, take them through that so they understand that nowhere, in that text, does it say love is acceptance. It says: \u201cLove is kind; love is patient,\u201d \u201cLove is this; love is that.\u201d Hopefully, they will leave, and say, \u201cYes, my parents do love me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, as you were saying\u2014the journey for a parent or a family, where this is happening in their home\u2014that is such a hard journey. I just want to say, \u201cIf you are that parent, we are not making light of that. That is a\u2014you are lying in bed at night; you\u2019re struggling\u2014you\u2019ve tried to do the right thing their whole life: you prayed; you\u2019ve taken them to church; you probably had family devotions\u2014I\u2019m just saying, \u201cWe are not winking at that, like, \u2018Hey! Just get the Bible out.\u2019 It\u2019s like this is a hard journey.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It\u2019s heartbreaking.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: At the same time, we also know that many of us, as parents, don\u2019t know our Bible well enough; so when our son or daughter comes home\u2014and they are saying things: \u201cWell, the Bible doesn\u2019t really mean this,\u201d\u2014the parents can think, \u201cOh!\u201d The next thing you know, they think, \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It\u2019s amazing how\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s why the truth of God matters, and you have to be able to interpret the Word of God accurately; we\u2019re called to that\u2014again, not hammering your child with that\u2014but being able to stand on something that\u2019s true, and true for centuries: \u201cI\u2019m going to love you, but I have to stand here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, even what Allen said\u2014you said it\u2014but I was thinking, \u201cThat is the hardest thing for a parent.\u201d Because you said, \u201cI love you, but my God comes first\u2014and what I believe about Him\u2014I will follow Him first.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think the problem is not all of us feel that.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That\u2019s right, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because our kids\u2014man, I get it\u2014I love our kids so much; I would die for them. It\u2019s easy for our kids to become an idol.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Very much so, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We just love them.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, yes; we do.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And so, when we change our theology, because we love our kids so much\u2014thinking it\u2019s the most loving thing we can do to accept their lifestyle\u2014that makes me wonder: \u201cIs God first?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, because no parent wants to be at odds with their kids.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann: No.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: No parent wants their kids to not want to come over for holidays\u2014Thanksgiving, Christmas\u2014no parent wants to go through, \u201cOh, I haven\u2019t talked to my mom in five years\u201d; we\u2019ve heard all the horror stories of parents\/their kids have basically said, \u201cIf you don\u2019t accept me, I\u2019m not\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014\u201cyou\u2019re dead to me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Allen: \u2014\u201dyou\u2019re dead to me.\u201d No parent\u2014that\u2019s probably a greater nightmare than losing a child\u2014because your child is here, but they don\u2019t want anything to do with you. That\u2019s just heartbreaking. And because we don\u2019t want to experience that, we water down or shy away from these conversations.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s got to be a way, as parents, where we communicate our extreme, consistent love\u2014that: \u201cWe are committed to you, 100 percent, [to] your well-being,\u201d\u2014\"but we aren\u2019t able to support this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; one of the things we\u2019ve talked about, here in the past, is when a parent changes their theology because of the theology of their kid\u2019s changing. Think about that\u2014I don\u2019t know the exact statistic\u2014but if I remember right, seven out of ten parents will bend their theology to sort of match [their kids\u2019];\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Oh, I believe that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014because they love their kids, and they want them to be able to come home at Thanksgiving, that kind of thing.<\/p>\n<p>And yet, what happens if that child then finds the truth? And then, they come back to their parents; and their parents have left where they originally were?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, what kind of example is\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: They have no grounding.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: What kind of example are we setting for our kids?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; so as hard as that is: \u201cOh, my goodness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: One guest said, \u201cMy parents\u2014their theology\/their walk with God was my anchor\u2014and if they lifted the anchor, and they put their anchor in me, where would I go when I was ready to repent and follow Jesus?\u201d I thought that was really good.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, the tough thing here is that there is no perfect playbook or guidebook. This is not an easy situation at all.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s messy, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Of course, as parents, when we have gatherings and we have holidays, we don\u2019t want to imagine our kids not being there. It\u2019s not an easy situation at all.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: One of my really good friends\u2014her husband left her and her daughter for a man\u2014she\u2019s been on a journey for the last ten years of forgiving him. For Christmas, she decided to invite her husband and his partner over for Christmas dinner.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: She said, \u201cAnn, I want you to know how incredibly messy this is. My daughter is married, and they have two kids. I have felt like I need to love him unconditionally, and show him the gospel of what that looks like, but without condoning his lifestyle.\u201d That is just tricky and messy all over the place.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: It is; it is.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have to be on our face, before God, asking Him wisdom to know how to do that and what that looks like\u2014and to have wise people in our lives\u2014because there haven\u2019t been generations of people, who have walked through this; it\u2019s all pretty new.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes, it is. This type of thing\u2014I graduated from high school in \u201893\u2014there was one kid in high school: we knew; he didn\u2019t come out and confirm or anything; we kind of knew. That\u2019s the day we lived in at that time\u2014it wasn\u2019t celebrated; it wasn\u2019t normalized\u2014it wasn\u2019t: \u201cI\u2019m out\u201d; pride and things like that. It was something you kept in the closet; that\u2019s where the saying came from:, \u201cKeep it in the closet.\u201d Now, it\u2019s so different\u2014it\u2019s celebrated; everybody is out with it\u2014it\u2019s just a different day.<\/p>\n<p>I would also encourage parents, as well, to find other parents, as a support group, who are going through this; get wisdom from them. This isn\u2019t something I\u2019ve had to deal with, obviously\u2014my kids are five and seven\u2014and I pray that I never do. But there are parents that have and are, currently, dealing with it; and I\u2019m sure they can provide wisdom.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, thanks for what you do.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You are currently right where our kids are living, on YouTube.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You decided: \u201cI\u2019m going to go where they are,\u201d\u2014not just for kids, but every one of us\u2014and you said, \u201cI\u2019m going to bring the truth to that vehicle\u201d; right?<\/p>\n<p>Allen: That was one of the things I was excited about. We are living at a time where people don\u2019t go to church anymore; or they go to church, and they aren\u2019t comfortable asking pastors different questions. So when they have a question, they go to Google\u00ae; or they go to YouTube. That\u2019s this generation: \u201cHey, should I live together with my girlfriend?\u201d or \u201c\u2026boyfriend?\u201d They don\u2019t ask their pastor, so I wanted to create a channel or ministry that would address this generation with some of the questions that they have. I have a lot of questions on my channel; because I know people have these questions, and they need to have a biblical worldview to have these questions addressed.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; way to go.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well done; thanks, Allen.<\/p>\n<p>Allen: Thank you; thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I love the spirit of going to where people are; and the next generation are in places like YouTube, so why not go there and be part of the solution? I love that Allen is doing that with intentionality and purpose.<\/p>\n<p>I'm Shelby Abbott; and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with Allen Parr, on FamilyLife Today. Allen\u2019s written a book called Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel (and How You Can Discern the Truth). You can get your copy of Allen\u2019s book by going online, right now, to FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can check it out in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the month of August, and we have a goal to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of this month. We would love it if you would partner with us to help reach marriages and families all over the country and, consequently, all over the world. You can do that\u2014really, make your mark\u2014by partnering with FamilyLife. If you feel the call to give, and be a part of this ministry, that\u2019s great! If you don\u2019t, that\u2019s fine, too; there\u2019s plenty of other places that you can give and be a part of the solution with those ministries.<\/p>\n<p>But if FamilyLife has helped you at all\u2014if FamilyLife Today has been a part of your routine, where you listen, and God has used it to impact your life and the life of your family\u2014we\u2019d love it if you would jump in and be partners with us. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com, and make your donation there; or you can give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or you can feel free to drop a donation in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, FL 32832. Thank you so much for partnering with us to make this ministry possible.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, \u201cHow do you age with purpose and vitality?\u201d That\u2019s a good question to ask, depending on your stage of life. Dennis and Barbara Rainey are going to be here with the Wilsons to talk about that, and so much more, about following Jesus in your later life. We hope you\u2019ll join us for that. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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