{"id":285429,"date":"2024-08-07T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-07T09:03:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T16:59:01","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T20:59:01","slug":"past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta\/","title":{"rendered":"Past Trauma, Deep Healing: Debra Fileta"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Could past traumas impact your current relationships? Explore truer and deeper healing from trauma for healthy relationships now with Debra Fileta.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Could past traumas impact your current relationships? Explore truer and deeper healing from trauma for healthy relationships now with Debra Fileta.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/b6ee64d7-2a47-4fa5-a54f-b1b50147d639\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:30","filesize":"27.97M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-08-07 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[2731],"podcast_series":[8783],"cwp_profile":[9748],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-285429","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-healing-trauma","podcast_series-reset-powerful-habits-to-change-your-life-debra-fileta","cwp_profile-debra-fileta","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/285429\/past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/285429\/past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hUdA5mVmxO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta\/\">Past Trauma, Deep Healing: Debra Fileta<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/past-trauma-deep-healing-debra-fileta\/embed\/#?secret=hUdA5mVmxO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Past Trauma, Deep Healing: Debra Fileta&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hUdA5mVmxO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["b6ee64d7-2a47-4fa5-a54f-b1b50147d639"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/b6ee64d7-2a47-4fa5-a54f-b1b50147d639\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:30:30"],"filesize":["27.97M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"\"Unoffendable\"\"\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=FLTD24&amp;cru_medium=Icare&amp;cru_campaign=August2024\">join us today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Connect with Debra Fileta and catch more of their thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/debrafileta.com\/\">debrafileta.com<\/a>, and on Insta <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/DebraFileta\/\">@debrafileta<\/a> and catch other episodes on <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?s=debra+fileta\">FamilyLife Today<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab her book, \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/reset-powerful-habits-to-own-your-thoughts-understand-your-feelings-and-change-your-life\/\">Reset: Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life<\/a>,\" in our shop!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/group-studies\/companion-workbooks\/\">Explore FamilyLife's diverse selection of workbooks<\/a>, including the new Art of Marriage\u2014perfect for small groups, marriage events, and personal growth journeys!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Past Trauma, Deep Healing<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Debra Fileta<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Reset: Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts,<\/p>\n<p>Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life (Day 3 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 7, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Hey, before we get started today, let\u2019s talk small groups.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because everyone at this time of year starts thinking, \u201cWhat small group materials should I use?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, we\u2019ve led hundreds of groups; and you\u2019ve got to have great material. FamilyLife\u00ae has you covered; we have great, great material: the Art of Marriage\u2122, Vertical Marriage\u00ae\u2014you name it; we\u2019ve got it\u2014and it\u2019s on sale the month of August. You go to FamilyLife.com\/shop, and it\u2019s 25 percent off.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Let me just say, \u201cThank you;\u201d\u2014to all the small group leaders\u2014\u201cyou are making a difference; keep going!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Again, that\u2019s FamilyLife.com\/shop and get 25 percent off right now.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to behavior. If I\u2019m starting to control things\u2014overcontrol\u2014\u201cOkay, everybody needs to do this or that; or else, we\u2019re not going to be safe,\u201d or \u201c\u2026somebody\u2019s going to get hurt,\u201d\u2014going into my anxious spiel\u2014\u201cOkay, what\u2019s going on here? I\u2019m feeling anxious\u2014this is a signal\u2014God wants me to respond to this anxiety. How do I respond best?\u2014when I believe truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann: \u2014Today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Here we [were]\u2014I was 22; you were 19\u2014we were sitting at the Weekend to Remember\u00ae, FamilyLife\u2019s Weekend to Remember marriage getaway, two weeks before our wedding.<\/p>\n<p>Debra Fileta is with us\u2014a counselor, a therapist, a podcaster, an author, a speaker; you\u2019re everything\u2014 a mom.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014mother\/mom; yes, wife.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I just want to ask you, Debra, as we get into this: we were sitting there\u2014and the whole weekend, we sat there, thinking, \u201cWe don\u2019t need this!\u201d\u2014we were so na\u00efve. Because if you had been able to do a scan of these two people, Dave and Ann, sitting there, you, as a therapist, would have said, \u201cThese two are going to struggle,\u201d\u2014sexual abuse in her background; two alcoholic parents in my background, divorce, adultery\u2014we were bringing all of that into our marriage, and we had no idea. We thought, \u201cIf you follow Jesus, it\u2019s all buried in the past; it\u2019s all covered up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cHe\u2019s healed us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cHe heals you, and you just move right into your new life and your new future.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cAnd now, you can help everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes! You deal with people, all the time, who: \u201cWe don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right; let me just affirm: \u201cJesus did heal you; He did.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: He is healing us.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He healed; He took away all of our sin.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Even then, you were healed. It\u2019s just that healing happens in layers. There are layers\u2014\u201cOkay, next level,\u201d \u201c\u2026next level,\u201d\u2014until we get to heaven.<\/p>\n<p>Some of us, though, are stuck in that superficial healing\u2014where we\u2019ve healed a couple of things\u2014we\u2019ve healed our soul, right? We know we\u2019re going to heaven, but there are more layers that God is inviting us to. Sometimes, it takes marriage to blow up in our face, or another relationship, or a life problem, or an addiction, or depression and anxiety for us to realize: \u201cOh, I\u2019ve got more healing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a good way to say it.<\/p>\n<p>I remember, when we were in seminary, and we were taking classes to learn how to counsel people\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This was three years later [from sitting at the Weekend to Remember].<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014three years later. We did our family tree; we got into all of our own personal past. It was the first time that I started dealing with any of the sexual abuse. I really thought\u2014and I would cry every night as I started going back into the past of what had happened and realizations\u2014but I really thought, \u201cOkay, Lord, thank You! Thank You for healing me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then, a couple of years later, something new popped up. And then, when we had kids, another area popped up. I remember thinking, \u201cI thought You healed me.\u201d But I felt God nudge into me, through His Holy Spirit, saying, \u201cAnn, I\u2019m giving you\u2014I love you so much\u2014and you\u2019re going to see areas that need to be healed along the way. Don\u2019t push back on that; I am healing you. I\u2019m healing you, but isn\u2019t it kind of Me to not just bombard you?\u201d I thought, \u201cDo it all at once!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But we get, as we talked about yesterday, sore spots. When I was parenting: \u201cOh, that triggered me,\u201d or \u201cThat hurt me.\u201d It was almost God\u2019s loving hand, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s because I want you to look deeper into this new area.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you haven\u2019t listened to the last two days with Debra Fileta, go back and listen; because we\u2019ve gone deep, and it\u2019s been great and beautiful. We\u2019re talking about her book, Reset. The subtitle is Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been saying, \u201cWe all have these areas that we think, \u2018I want to change; I want to change; I want to change,\u2019 but we feel stuck.\u201d That\u2019s where we\u2019ve been the last few days.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk today about childhood wounds.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Let\u2019s do it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You have a whole chapter about it.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: It\u2019s interesting: we\u2019ve kind of gone on a journey. We\u2019ve progressed through each episode. The first episode, we talked about these behaviors on the outside: \u201cWhy do we do what we do?\u201d \u201cWhy do we struggle with these external behaviors in our personal life?\u201d or \u201c\u2026in our marriage?\u201d; right?<\/p>\n<p>The second time, we talked about these sore spots; and how the reason we do what we do is because we\u2019ve got these wounds. It\u2019s not actually about the fact that Dave didn\u2019t squeeze the sponge out. [Laughter] It\u2019s not actually about the fact that Dave is going out tonight, and he ends up being late, and Ann feels upset. Underneath that is a sore spot [for Ann]: \u201cI feel unseen\u201d; underneath that is a sore spot of [Dave]: \u201cI don\u2019t feel good enough, so I have to go do all this stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a wonderful layer to get to: \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s really going on; here are my real vulnerabilities\u2026\u201d But then, the deepest layer is: \u201cWhere do they come from? Where do they come from? Where do these sore spots come from, so that I can begin facing them and healing them?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Many times, these sore spots are actually coming from things we picked up along the way. Where do these belief systems that lead to these thoughts come from?\u2014from our childhood, our childhood. It\u2019s funny\u2014because I think that talking about your inner child feels so un-Christian for some people [Laughter]\u2014\u201c\u2018Inner child,\u2019 sounds like Freud.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Freud, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: But there is so much power and truth to realizing that God wants to heal every part of us. God doesn\u2019t see you as a 36-year-old Ann. [Laughter] I\u2019m guessing that\u2019s your age.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, of course, that\u2019s what it is.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m 38.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Exactly. [Laughter] He sees you in every stage of development, because God stands outside of time: He sees your six-year-old self, your sixteen-year-old self, your sixty-year-old self. Can you imagine that?\u2014He sees me in all of those stages.<\/p>\n<p>Jesus views us with compassion, and He [says], \u201cI want to help you heal. You didn\u2019t get the chance to heal your eight-year-old self; you didn\u2019t know any better, Dave,\u201d \u201cYou didn\u2019t know any better, Ann, in the middle of sexual abuse; but now, I want to help you go back and heal.\u201d When we do, it changes everything.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m sad that I didn\u2019t start that journey until I was 50. You know what I mean? It\u2019s like I just drove, and drove, and drove hard. I had the athlete\u2019s mentality, thinking, \u201cYour childhood; it\u2019s in the past.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201c\u2019The old is gone; the new is come [2 Corinthians 5:17, paraphrased]\u201d; not understanding everything you just said. The journey I started in my 50s probably was: \u201cOh, my goodness; I\u2019ve got to go back there. I\u2019ve got to understand, and try and see, how I am shaped today by those wounds.\u201d It was life-changing; it was a healing to do it. I said to my counselor, I was sitting there, \u201cI should have done this in my 30s.\u201d He looked at me, and said, \u201cYou\u2019re doing it now. Let\u2019s go!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I think we don\u2019t know better\u2014and not only that\u2014I do think, unknowingly sometimes, Christian culture keeps us from going there; because we want to believe that Jesus can heal it all. He can, but it\u2019s like He wants to invite us on this journey with Him.<\/p>\n<p>In that chapter in Reset, one of the things I have you do is: I say, \u201cIf you could imagine your childhood self today, out of a place of woundedness\u2014maybe, your most broken, afraid child\u2014what\u2019s that child living inside of you, who has a tendency to come out and try to take control?\u201d For me, it\u2019s that little eight-year-old anxious girl, who says, \u201cI\u2019ve got to control this; I\u2019ve got to control this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I would like to ask\u2014and I would like to ask those, who are listening\u2014\u201cWhat is that childhood version that comes out in you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You mean now.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u201cIf you could pinpoint your most vulnerable place, as a child, how old would you be?\u201d and \u201cWhat thoughts, and beliefs, and fears were you struggling with in that season?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I know what mine is: it would be control, as well; because with abuse\/with sexual abuse, things are done to you. I didn\u2019t use my voice to protect myself. Now, I think I become more controlling. I control the situations I\u2019m in so that I won\u2019t be hurt. Especially, I saw it as a high schooler. I had a lot of boyfriends; but I also knew that I was going to control the situation, and control them; because I wasn\u2019t going to have another man control me.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I hurt them: I used my sexuality to tempt them\u2014but I controlled everything\u2014what I said, what I did. I did not let them get close to me, because I had a wall of protection on me.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: You watched that play out. When you think about that hurt child, what stage and age comes to mind for you?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Starting at four.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Wow! So you think of this little four-, five-, six-year-old girl.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We had one of our sons with us this last week. I asked him, \u201cWhat are the areas that were hard for you, with me as your mom?\u201d He is so kind; he is super kind and loving.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And he\u2019s done the work,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He\u2019s done the work.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014so he understands what we\u2019re asking.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He said, \u201cMom, you were just intense.\u201d I think that intensity was that control piece.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: One hundred percent.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: One hundred percent. It\u2019s amazing, we don\u2019t even realize [it]. The thing about it is it\u2019s not like that child disappears once and for all; we need to have compassion. When that little eight-year-old girl comes up, every now and again\u2014she doesn\u2019t come up as much anymore\u2014because now, that I\u2019ve healed her, I am a Holy Spirit-filled adult woman of God with power and control, right?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What took you to those feelings that you had as an eight-year-old?<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I would say anxiety coming up: \u201cWhy do I feel so anxious?\u201d \u201cWhy am I on high alert about things that aren\u2019t that crazy?\u2014it\u2019s not life-threatening.\u201d High alert, for example, when I would travel\u2014to leave my kids, [thinking about] all the bad things that could happen\u2014it was like this little girl was afraid all these bad things could happen: \u201cWhat could happen?\u201d \u201cCould the house burn down?\u201d \u201cCould somebody choke?\u201d \u201cCould this happen?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I was that way as a little kid; because I\u2019d seen things happen around me that were dangerous, unsafe. That little girl would come back up, and I could give in to that; and hype up my nervous system and be anxious. I remember one time it got so bad that I thought, \u201cI\u2019m quitting ministry. I\u2019m not even going to do this anymore; I am done\u201d; because there was so much emotional turmoil until I healed more.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, take us through that. What did that look like then?<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Thank God being a counselor is so convenient. [Laughter] It is so convenient to your personal life. Most of us, who have been healed, become counselors; because we think: \u201cHow can we not share this? How can we not help people?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: But to recognize: \u201cThis is a signal: \u2018Okay; what\u2019s going on here?\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m feeling anxious.\u2019 \u2018Is this real? Is this rooted in my trauma?\u2019 \u2018Yes, it\u2019s not rooted in truth,\u2019\u201d\u2014and to really learn to slow down my nervous system response, and cling to truth, and heal that little girl through counseling\u2014through different seasons of counseling that I went through myself, an inner work that I have done; the Lord has walked me through so much of my own journey.<\/p>\n<p>Now, that little girl doesn\u2019t come out much anymore. I can keep her in her cute little: \u201cI love you; I appreciate you; I have compassion for you, but you don\u2019t rule what I say, do, don\u2019t do anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve done this, too, Debra\u2014but when she does flair back up [with] a sore spot or a trigger, is what we\u2019ve been talking about, especially yesterday\u2014then, with that flair\/if she flairs up, give us your little\u2014now, that you\u2019ve done the work; you\u2019ve done the healing\u2014if she flairs up, what do you do right then?<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I remember the formula that: \u201cThoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to behavior.\u201d If I\u2019m starting to control things\u2014over control\u2014\u201cOkay, everybody needs to do this or that; or else, we\u2019re not going to be safe,\u201d or \u201c\u2026somebody\u2019s going to get hurt,\u201d\u2014going into my anxious spiel\u2014\u201cOkay, what\u2019s going on here? I\u2019m feeling anxious\u2014this is a signal\u2014God wants me to respond to this anxiety. How do I respond best?\u2014when I believe truth. \u2018Lord, You\u2019re in control. Lord, my life is in Your hands; Lord, my kids\u2019 lives are in Your hands. You have been with me.\u2019 I cling to the truth of God\u2019s Word.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You remind yourself in God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Constantly, the truth of God\u2019s Word is my plumb line versus my trauma. Here\u2019s where it gets tricky for me: Trauma can get perpetuated. You know that little eight-year-old girl, who is afraid something bad is going to happen? Guess what? Later, in my adult life, something bad did happen; I went through a traumatic miscarriage, where I almost lost my life. I was hemorrhaging, minutes away from dying, and had to get rushed into emergency surgery. I was all alone. It's like the enemy takes that belief\u2014\u201cSomething bad can happen,\u201d\u2014[and says], \u201cSee! Something bad will happen. You\u2019ve got to be on high alert; you\u2019ve got to be in control.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Trauma upon trauma upon trauma almost solidifies some of these unhealthy belief systems that we have; and then, leads us to this very anxious, scared place. God did not intend for us to land there; that was not His path for our life. We just followed the wrong beliefs systems, based on trauma.<\/p>\n<p>This is why it\u2019s so simple\u2014whether you are a counselor, a pastor, a prisoner; somewhere in between\u2014we can all fall into these things if we\u2019re not aware and continuously asking the Lord to search our hearts and help us do the work.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Don\u2019t you love\u2014I love that the Holy Spirit, that Jesus, the Father is always with us\u2014we can talk to Him anytime. [For me], it\u2019s usually in the night, when something will come up, and I can\u2019t sleep because I\u2019m worrying about it. I\u2019m trying to think, \u201cHow can I fix this?\u201d or \u201c\u2026control this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I love Philippians 4:6: \u201cDon\u2019t be anxious about anything\u2026\u201d\u2014I have to visually see myself in front of Jesus\u2014 \u201cDon\u2019t be anxious about anything, but in everything in prayer and supplication let your requests be made know to God.\u201d I tell Him: \u201cLord, this is what I\u2019m feeling. This is what I\u2019m afraid of; these are my greatest fears.\u201d Then it says, \u201cThen the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know about you but that\u2014and I visually then see myself handing Him all of the things that I\u2019m trying to control\/that I\u2019m scared of: my kids, the future\u2014I actually see Jesus in my mind, because I\u2019m very visual; I see Him take it. Then I take a big breath and I can go to sleep; you know? But that has become a practice that takes some self-control.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That\u2019s why this book is 31 practices: \u201cWe have to practice.\u201d After the childhood practice, I guide you through another practice to help you look for patterns: \u201cWhat are some of the patterns that you\u2019ve struggled with?\u201d Then we go through the next step, where we actually write out the trauma thoughts; and then, we write out truth thoughts. It\u2019s a little bit of work at a time.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m still curious\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too. I was going to ask Dave, too.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wait, wait, wait!<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014what your\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did it all of a sudden come back to me? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We had to get back to Dave.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re curious about what?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014your little boy.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: We never got to your answer. When you think of your childhood wounds, and your wounding as a kid, what age comes up, what stage?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: For me, seven years old was when my dad left. I had two older brothers and a sister, but [they were] ten years older.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [They were] 10, 12, and 14 years older.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I was sort of the little boy, and I had a little brother. Long story short is we moved\u2014my mom, myself, and my little brother\u2014to Ohio from New Jersey because that\u2019s where her parents were. Of course, I didn\u2019t understand then; but she needed help. She was a single mom, now, in the \u201860s when there weren\u2019t a lot of single moms.<\/p>\n<p>A couple of months after the move, my brother died of leukemia\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: His brother was five and a half.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Wow!\u2014your younger brother.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014my little brother. So Dad was gone; we were in another state. I didn\u2019t know anybody. I think my trauma is: \u201cI avoid pain at all cost.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That\u2019s a lot of pain to deal with at once; so your body starts putting that all on mute, \u201cI don\u2019t really want to deal with this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: My mom even said, \u201cEvery year\u201d\u2014he died in October around Halloween\u2014\u201cEvery October, for five years, I got really sick.\u201d I couldn\u2019t get out of bed with throat, ear and things; they said, \u201cEvery year\u2014it was like the day he died\u2014you had this physical thing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: You did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I did.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But Debra, nobody ever talked about it\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014never.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ever.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Think about that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014never talked about it.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014that inability\u2014and not because you weren\u2019t able, but because nobody taught you to express everything that was going on inside of you: how you feel, all your fears\u2014abandonment\u2014\u201cHe [Dad] left; and now, he [little brother] left.\u201d You don\u2019t even have help processing all of that. It\u2019s all getting stored in your body. It probably peaked around the heaviest grief season; so your body said, \u201cOkay, if you\u2019re not going to deal with this, I\u2019m going to have to deal with it; and we\u2019re just going to be down for the count for a couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right; Mom [portrayed]: \u201cYou\u2019re not allowed to talk about it\u201d; she never talked about it.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Maybe, that seven-year-old\u2019s belief system\u2014if your little child is thinking, \u201cI am not safe,\u201d\u2014your little child is probably thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t have the luxury; I don\u2019t have the permission to process what I feel. I don\u2019t have the permission.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: You lived with that theme for many, many years.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I think I projected it, too: \u201cI don\u2019t want you to process either.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u201cIf I don\u2019t have permission,\u2026\u201d And you think, \u201cThat\u2019s not what we do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cYou just suck it up and go. Life will work\u201d; you don\u2019t even think about the pain.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, it\u2019s not about us; but I think there\u2019s\u2014you know better than any of us\u2014there are so many people who have similar stories.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: This is helpful to people; because sometimes, people don\u2019t know: \u201cHow does this apply to me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right; right.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Hearing other people map it out\u2014\"Oh, your little anxious girl,\u201d \u201cYour little shame-filled girl,\u201d \u201cYour little boy, who feels like he doesn\u2019t have permission to feel,\u201d\u2014this helps people; because then, they can recognize that inside of themselves; and maybe, see the patterns that are coming up as they are living their life and doing things they don\u2019t want to do!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cHow do we get out of this?\u201d Because this is what I see happen, so often, is\u2014instead of looking in the mirror, and saying, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got emotional sore spots\/triggers; let\u2019s deal with it,\u201d\u2014I think what we do in marriage is, we say,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014\u201cYou\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014\u201cYou\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve got to change,\u201d \u201cIf she\u2019ll change, then we\u2019ll be good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cIf he\u2019ll change then we\u2019re good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014which is ironic, because that\u2019s the thing we have the least amount of control over.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I know; isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That\u2019s like gambling; I can\u2019t trust that you\u2019re going to change.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Right!<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u201cI have power over the ingredients that I am bringing to the table. If I change my ingredients, it has the power to change the whole recipe; so that\u2019s all that I can do, and that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do fully and see what happens. And I\u2019m going to trust God with your portion.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t say what we need. It doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t share when we\u2019re hurt and be vulnerable, but realizing that the deep healing work that we\u2019re responsible for is ours.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: One of the things I\u2019m wondering if we could do, as an assignment for everyone listening, is one of the things Dave and I did: we did a timeline of our lives.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I love that. I will talk you through how to do that in Reset, as well, in the beginning.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, good; good.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: And find it makes some patterns.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Give us a little application: \u201cHow could we do that?\u201d We have 30 seconds.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cHow could we do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Okay, Debra is going to walk us through how to make a timeline for personal lasting change in just a second. But first, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott; and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with Debra Fileta, on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Debra has written a book called Reset. The subtitle is Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life. Sounds like something that you might need? It sounds like something that I definitely need. You can get your copy by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com in the show notes. Or feel free to call us at 800-358-6329; you can give us a call at that number to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As you\u2019re getting ready for small groups coming up in the fall\u2014I know we\u2019re still in the middle of August, but fall is right around the corner\u2014we wanted to let you know that all of our FamilyLife workbooks are now 25 percent off for the month of August. You can go to the show notes at FamlilyLifeToday.com, look around, and pick out what will be best for you. But all our FamilyLife workbooks are 25 percent off until the end of this month.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, here\u2019s Debra to walk us through developing our own personal timeline that we might see lasting change in our lives.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Think about the most significant things that have impacted you in your life\u2014specifically, sore spots\u2014like things that made you feel inadequate. Whatever your sore spot is\u2014anxiety, control, depression\u2014feeling like: \u201cI\u2019m not good enough.\u201d Look through your life: \u201cWhat are the difficult experiences that maybe affirmed that unhealthy belief?\u2014'You are unseen,\u2019 \u2018You are unloved,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019ll never amount to anything.\u2019 What are the things that affirmed that belief? And start writing them down; and even journalling through them: \u2018Why did that affirm that belief?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Start thinking outside of the box: \u201cWhat does God\u2019s truth want to speak into that belief system?\" Again, if we want to change our behavior, it\u2019s thoughts that begin to change; and then, they change our feelings; and then, those changed feelings begin to change what we do on the outside.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Thank you; it\u2019s been awesome.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Debra, this has been so good. I hope everybody will read this book\u2014and all of your books, honestly\u2014thank you for all you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Thank you for having me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re coming back for the next one.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I can\u2019t wait; I can\u2019t wait.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Alright; coming up tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking with Rachel Faulkner Brown about blending families after a huge loss and dealing with grief. That\u2019s tomorrow; we hope you will join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-07.pdf"],"_edit_lock":["1749590446:47000"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2024-08-07 08:00:00"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/b6ee64d7-2a47-4fa5-a54f-b1b50147d639\/audio.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_g_feedback_shortcode_676b54d3ee028e3a96ef2b92eacae40625118742":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776492196;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Could past traumas impact your current relationships? Explore truer and deeper healing from trauma for healthy relationships now with Debra Fileta.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"\"Unoffendable\"\"\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=FLTD24&amp;cru_medium=Icare&amp;cru_campaign=August2024\">join us today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Connect with Debra Fileta and catch more of their thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/debrafileta.com\/\">debrafileta.com<\/a>, and on Insta <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/DebraFileta\/\">@debrafileta<\/a> and catch other episodes on <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?s=debra+fileta\">FamilyLife Today<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab her book, \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/reset-powerful-habits-to-own-your-thoughts-understand-your-feelings-and-change-your-life\/\">Reset: Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life<\/a>,\" in our shop!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/group-studies\/companion-workbooks\/\">Explore FamilyLife's diverse selection of workbooks<\/a>, including the new Art of Marriage\u2014perfect for small groups, marriage events, and personal growth journeys!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Past Trauma, Deep Healing<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Debra Fileta<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Reset: Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts,<\/p>\n<p>Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life (Day 3 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 7, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Hey, before we get started today, let\u2019s talk small groups.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because everyone at this time of year starts thinking, \u201cWhat small group materials should I use?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, we\u2019ve led hundreds of groups; and you\u2019ve got to have great material. FamilyLife\u00ae has you covered; we have great, great material: the Art of Marriage\u2122, Vertical Marriage\u00ae\u2014you name it; we\u2019ve got it\u2014and it\u2019s on sale the month of August. You go to FamilyLife.com\/shop, and it\u2019s 25 percent off.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Let me just say, \u201cThank you;\u201d\u2014to all the small group leaders\u2014\u201cyou are making a difference; keep going!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Again, that\u2019s FamilyLife.com\/shop and get 25 percent off right now.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to behavior. If I\u2019m starting to control things\u2014overcontrol\u2014\u201cOkay, everybody needs to do this or that; or else, we\u2019re not going to be safe,\u201d or \u201c\u2026somebody\u2019s going to get hurt,\u201d\u2014going into my anxious spiel\u2014\u201cOkay, what\u2019s going on here? I\u2019m feeling anxious\u2014this is a signal\u2014God wants me to respond to this anxiety. How do I respond best?\u2014when I believe truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann: \u2014Today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Here we [were]\u2014I was 22; you were 19\u2014we were sitting at the Weekend to Remember\u00ae, FamilyLife\u2019s Weekend to Remember marriage getaway, two weeks before our wedding.<\/p>\n<p>Debra Fileta is with us\u2014a counselor, a therapist, a podcaster, an author, a speaker; you\u2019re everything\u2014 a mom.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014mother\/mom; yes, wife.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I just want to ask you, Debra, as we get into this: we were sitting there\u2014and the whole weekend, we sat there, thinking, \u201cWe don\u2019t need this!\u201d\u2014we were so na\u00efve. Because if you had been able to do a scan of these two people, Dave and Ann, sitting there, you, as a therapist, would have said, \u201cThese two are going to struggle,\u201d\u2014sexual abuse in her background; two alcoholic parents in my background, divorce, adultery\u2014we were bringing all of that into our marriage, and we had no idea. We thought, \u201cIf you follow Jesus, it\u2019s all buried in the past; it\u2019s all covered up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cHe\u2019s healed us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cHe heals you, and you just move right into your new life and your new future.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cAnd now, you can help everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes! You deal with people, all the time, who: \u201cWe don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right; let me just affirm: \u201cJesus did heal you; He did.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: He is healing us.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He healed; He took away all of our sin.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Even then, you were healed. It\u2019s just that healing happens in layers. There are layers\u2014\u201cOkay, next level,\u201d \u201c\u2026next level,\u201d\u2014until we get to heaven.<\/p>\n<p>Some of us, though, are stuck in that superficial healing\u2014where we\u2019ve healed a couple of things\u2014we\u2019ve healed our soul, right? We know we\u2019re going to heaven, but there are more layers that God is inviting us to. Sometimes, it takes marriage to blow up in our face, or another relationship, or a life problem, or an addiction, or depression and anxiety for us to realize: \u201cOh, I\u2019ve got more healing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s a good way to say it.<\/p>\n<p>I remember, when we were in seminary, and we were taking classes to learn how to counsel people\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This was three years later [from sitting at the Weekend to Remember].<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014three years later. We did our family tree; we got into all of our own personal past. It was the first time that I started dealing with any of the sexual abuse. I really thought\u2014and I would cry every night as I started going back into the past of what had happened and realizations\u2014but I really thought, \u201cOkay, Lord, thank You! Thank You for healing me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then, a couple of years later, something new popped up. And then, when we had kids, another area popped up. I remember thinking, \u201cI thought You healed me.\u201d But I felt God nudge into me, through His Holy Spirit, saying, \u201cAnn, I\u2019m giving you\u2014I love you so much\u2014and you\u2019re going to see areas that need to be healed along the way. Don\u2019t push back on that; I am healing you. I\u2019m healing you, but isn\u2019t it kind of Me to not just bombard you?\u201d I thought, \u201cDo it all at once!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But we get, as we talked about yesterday, sore spots. When I was parenting: \u201cOh, that triggered me,\u201d or \u201cThat hurt me.\u201d It was almost God\u2019s loving hand, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s because I want you to look deeper into this new area.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you haven\u2019t listened to the last two days with Debra Fileta, go back and listen; because we\u2019ve gone deep, and it\u2019s been great and beautiful. We\u2019re talking about her book, Reset. The subtitle is Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been saying, \u201cWe all have these areas that we think, \u2018I want to change; I want to change; I want to change,\u2019 but we feel stuck.\u201d That\u2019s where we\u2019ve been the last few days.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk today about childhood wounds.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Let\u2019s do it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You have a whole chapter about it.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: It\u2019s interesting: we\u2019ve kind of gone on a journey. We\u2019ve progressed through each episode. The first episode, we talked about these behaviors on the outside: \u201cWhy do we do what we do?\u201d \u201cWhy do we struggle with these external behaviors in our personal life?\u201d or \u201c\u2026in our marriage?\u201d; right?<\/p>\n<p>The second time, we talked about these sore spots; and how the reason we do what we do is because we\u2019ve got these wounds. It\u2019s not actually about the fact that Dave didn\u2019t squeeze the sponge out. [Laughter] It\u2019s not actually about the fact that Dave is going out tonight, and he ends up being late, and Ann feels upset. Underneath that is a sore spot [for Ann]: \u201cI feel unseen\u201d; underneath that is a sore spot of [Dave]: \u201cI don\u2019t feel good enough, so I have to go do all this stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a wonderful layer to get to: \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s really going on; here are my real vulnerabilities\u2026\u201d But then, the deepest layer is: \u201cWhere do they come from? Where do they come from? Where do these sore spots come from, so that I can begin facing them and healing them?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Many times, these sore spots are actually coming from things we picked up along the way. Where do these belief systems that lead to these thoughts come from?\u2014from our childhood, our childhood. It\u2019s funny\u2014because I think that talking about your inner child feels so un-Christian for some people [Laughter]\u2014\u201c\u2018Inner child,\u2019 sounds like Freud.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Freud, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: But there is so much power and truth to realizing that God wants to heal every part of us. God doesn\u2019t see you as a 36-year-old Ann. [Laughter] I\u2019m guessing that\u2019s your age.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, of course, that\u2019s what it is.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m 38.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Exactly. [Laughter] He sees you in every stage of development, because God stands outside of time: He sees your six-year-old self, your sixteen-year-old self, your sixty-year-old self. Can you imagine that?\u2014He sees me in all of those stages.<\/p>\n<p>Jesus views us with compassion, and He [says], \u201cI want to help you heal. You didn\u2019t get the chance to heal your eight-year-old self; you didn\u2019t know any better, Dave,\u201d \u201cYou didn\u2019t know any better, Ann, in the middle of sexual abuse; but now, I want to help you go back and heal.\u201d When we do, it changes everything.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m sad that I didn\u2019t start that journey until I was 50. You know what I mean? It\u2019s like I just drove, and drove, and drove hard. I had the athlete\u2019s mentality, thinking, \u201cYour childhood; it\u2019s in the past.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201c\u2019The old is gone; the new is come [2 Corinthians 5:17, paraphrased]\u201d; not understanding everything you just said. The journey I started in my 50s probably was: \u201cOh, my goodness; I\u2019ve got to go back there. I\u2019ve got to understand, and try and see, how I am shaped today by those wounds.\u201d It was life-changing; it was a healing to do it. I said to my counselor, I was sitting there, \u201cI should have done this in my 30s.\u201d He looked at me, and said, \u201cYou\u2019re doing it now. Let\u2019s go!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I think we don\u2019t know better\u2014and not only that\u2014I do think, unknowingly sometimes, Christian culture keeps us from going there; because we want to believe that Jesus can heal it all. He can, but it\u2019s like He wants to invite us on this journey with Him.<\/p>\n<p>In that chapter in Reset, one of the things I have you do is: I say, \u201cIf you could imagine your childhood self today, out of a place of woundedness\u2014maybe, your most broken, afraid child\u2014what\u2019s that child living inside of you, who has a tendency to come out and try to take control?\u201d For me, it\u2019s that little eight-year-old anxious girl, who says, \u201cI\u2019ve got to control this; I\u2019ve got to control this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I would like to ask\u2014and I would like to ask those, who are listening\u2014\u201cWhat is that childhood version that comes out in you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You mean now.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u201cIf you could pinpoint your most vulnerable place, as a child, how old would you be?\u201d and \u201cWhat thoughts, and beliefs, and fears were you struggling with in that season?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I know what mine is: it would be control, as well; because with abuse\/with sexual abuse, things are done to you. I didn\u2019t use my voice to protect myself. Now, I think I become more controlling. I control the situations I\u2019m in so that I won\u2019t be hurt. Especially, I saw it as a high schooler. I had a lot of boyfriends; but I also knew that I was going to control the situation, and control them; because I wasn\u2019t going to have another man control me.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I hurt them: I used my sexuality to tempt them\u2014but I controlled everything\u2014what I said, what I did. I did not let them get close to me, because I had a wall of protection on me.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: You watched that play out. When you think about that hurt child, what stage and age comes to mind for you?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Starting at four.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Wow! So you think of this little four-, five-, six-year-old girl.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We had one of our sons with us this last week. I asked him, \u201cWhat are the areas that were hard for you, with me as your mom?\u201d He is so kind; he is super kind and loving.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And he\u2019s done the work,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He\u2019s done the work.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014so he understands what we\u2019re asking.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He said, \u201cMom, you were just intense.\u201d I think that intensity was that control piece.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: One hundred percent.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: One hundred percent. It\u2019s amazing, we don\u2019t even realize [it]. The thing about it is it\u2019s not like that child disappears once and for all; we need to have compassion. When that little eight-year-old girl comes up, every now and again\u2014she doesn\u2019t come up as much anymore\u2014because now, that I\u2019ve healed her, I am a Holy Spirit-filled adult woman of God with power and control, right?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What took you to those feelings that you had as an eight-year-old?<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I would say anxiety coming up: \u201cWhy do I feel so anxious?\u201d \u201cWhy am I on high alert about things that aren\u2019t that crazy?\u2014it\u2019s not life-threatening.\u201d High alert, for example, when I would travel\u2014to leave my kids, [thinking about] all the bad things that could happen\u2014it was like this little girl was afraid all these bad things could happen: \u201cWhat could happen?\u201d \u201cCould the house burn down?\u201d \u201cCould somebody choke?\u201d \u201cCould this happen?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I was that way as a little kid; because I\u2019d seen things happen around me that were dangerous, unsafe. That little girl would come back up, and I could give in to that; and hype up my nervous system and be anxious. I remember one time it got so bad that I thought, \u201cI\u2019m quitting ministry. I\u2019m not even going to do this anymore; I am done\u201d; because there was so much emotional turmoil until I healed more.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, take us through that. What did that look like then?<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Thank God being a counselor is so convenient. [Laughter] It is so convenient to your personal life. Most of us, who have been healed, become counselors; because we think: \u201cHow can we not share this? How can we not help people?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: But to recognize: \u201cThis is a signal: \u2018Okay; what\u2019s going on here?\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m feeling anxious.\u2019 \u2018Is this real? Is this rooted in my trauma?\u2019 \u2018Yes, it\u2019s not rooted in truth,\u2019\u201d\u2014and to really learn to slow down my nervous system response, and cling to truth, and heal that little girl through counseling\u2014through different seasons of counseling that I went through myself, an inner work that I have done; the Lord has walked me through so much of my own journey.<\/p>\n<p>Now, that little girl doesn\u2019t come out much anymore. I can keep her in her cute little: \u201cI love you; I appreciate you; I have compassion for you, but you don\u2019t rule what I say, do, don\u2019t do anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve done this, too, Debra\u2014but when she does flair back up [with] a sore spot or a trigger, is what we\u2019ve been talking about, especially yesterday\u2014then, with that flair\/if she flairs up, give us your little\u2014now, that you\u2019ve done the work; you\u2019ve done the healing\u2014if she flairs up, what do you do right then?<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I remember the formula that: \u201cThoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to behavior.\u201d If I\u2019m starting to control things\u2014over control\u2014\u201cOkay, everybody needs to do this or that; or else, we\u2019re not going to be safe,\u201d or \u201c\u2026somebody\u2019s going to get hurt,\u201d\u2014going into my anxious spiel\u2014\u201cOkay, what\u2019s going on here? I\u2019m feeling anxious\u2014this is a signal\u2014God wants me to respond to this anxiety. How do I respond best?\u2014when I believe truth. \u2018Lord, You\u2019re in control. Lord, my life is in Your hands; Lord, my kids\u2019 lives are in Your hands. You have been with me.\u2019 I cling to the truth of God\u2019s Word.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You remind yourself in God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Constantly, the truth of God\u2019s Word is my plumb line versus my trauma. Here\u2019s where it gets tricky for me: Trauma can get perpetuated. You know that little eight-year-old girl, who is afraid something bad is going to happen? Guess what? Later, in my adult life, something bad did happen; I went through a traumatic miscarriage, where I almost lost my life. I was hemorrhaging, minutes away from dying, and had to get rushed into emergency surgery. I was all alone. It's like the enemy takes that belief\u2014\u201cSomething bad can happen,\u201d\u2014[and says], \u201cSee! Something bad will happen. You\u2019ve got to be on high alert; you\u2019ve got to be in control.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Trauma upon trauma upon trauma almost solidifies some of these unhealthy belief systems that we have; and then, leads us to this very anxious, scared place. God did not intend for us to land there; that was not His path for our life. We just followed the wrong beliefs systems, based on trauma.<\/p>\n<p>This is why it\u2019s so simple\u2014whether you are a counselor, a pastor, a prisoner; somewhere in between\u2014we can all fall into these things if we\u2019re not aware and continuously asking the Lord to search our hearts and help us do the work.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Don\u2019t you love\u2014I love that the Holy Spirit, that Jesus, the Father is always with us\u2014we can talk to Him anytime. [For me], it\u2019s usually in the night, when something will come up, and I can\u2019t sleep because I\u2019m worrying about it. I\u2019m trying to think, \u201cHow can I fix this?\u201d or \u201c\u2026control this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I love Philippians 4:6: \u201cDon\u2019t be anxious about anything\u2026\u201d\u2014I have to visually see myself in front of Jesus\u2014 \u201cDon\u2019t be anxious about anything, but in everything in prayer and supplication let your requests be made know to God.\u201d I tell Him: \u201cLord, this is what I\u2019m feeling. This is what I\u2019m afraid of; these are my greatest fears.\u201d Then it says, \u201cThen the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know about you but that\u2014and I visually then see myself handing Him all of the things that I\u2019m trying to control\/that I\u2019m scared of: my kids, the future\u2014I actually see Jesus in my mind, because I\u2019m very visual; I see Him take it. Then I take a big breath and I can go to sleep; you know? But that has become a practice that takes some self-control.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That\u2019s why this book is 31 practices: \u201cWe have to practice.\u201d After the childhood practice, I guide you through another practice to help you look for patterns: \u201cWhat are some of the patterns that you\u2019ve struggled with?\u201d Then we go through the next step, where we actually write out the trauma thoughts; and then, we write out truth thoughts. It\u2019s a little bit of work at a time.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m still curious\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too. I was going to ask Dave, too.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wait, wait, wait!<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014what your\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did it all of a sudden come back to me? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We had to get back to Dave.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re curious about what?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014your little boy.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: We never got to your answer. When you think of your childhood wounds, and your wounding as a kid, what age comes up, what stage?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: For me, seven years old was when my dad left. I had two older brothers and a sister, but [they were] ten years older.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [They were] 10, 12, and 14 years older.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I was sort of the little boy, and I had a little brother. Long story short is we moved\u2014my mom, myself, and my little brother\u2014to Ohio from New Jersey because that\u2019s where her parents were. Of course, I didn\u2019t understand then; but she needed help. She was a single mom, now, in the \u201860s when there weren\u2019t a lot of single moms.<\/p>\n<p>A couple of months after the move, my brother died of leukemia\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: His brother was five and a half.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Wow!\u2014your younger brother.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014my little brother. So Dad was gone; we were in another state. I didn\u2019t know anybody. I think my trauma is: \u201cI avoid pain at all cost.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That\u2019s a lot of pain to deal with at once; so your body starts putting that all on mute, \u201cI don\u2019t really want to deal with this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: My mom even said, \u201cEvery year\u201d\u2014he died in October around Halloween\u2014\u201cEvery October, for five years, I got really sick.\u201d I couldn\u2019t get out of bed with throat, ear and things; they said, \u201cEvery year\u2014it was like the day he died\u2014you had this physical thing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: You did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I did.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But Debra, nobody ever talked about it\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014never.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ever.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Think about that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014never talked about it.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014that inability\u2014and not because you weren\u2019t able, but because nobody taught you to express everything that was going on inside of you: how you feel, all your fears\u2014abandonment\u2014\u201cHe [Dad] left; and now, he [little brother] left.\u201d You don\u2019t even have help processing all of that. It\u2019s all getting stored in your body. It probably peaked around the heaviest grief season; so your body said, \u201cOkay, if you\u2019re not going to deal with this, I\u2019m going to have to deal with it; and we\u2019re just going to be down for the count for a couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right; Mom [portrayed]: \u201cYou\u2019re not allowed to talk about it\u201d; she never talked about it.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Maybe, that seven-year-old\u2019s belief system\u2014if your little child is thinking, \u201cI am not safe,\u201d\u2014your little child is probably thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t have the luxury; I don\u2019t have the permission to process what I feel. I don\u2019t have the permission.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: You lived with that theme for many, many years.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I think I projected it, too: \u201cI don\u2019t want you to process either.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u201cIf I don\u2019t have permission,\u2026\u201d And you think, \u201cThat\u2019s not what we do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cYou just suck it up and go. Life will work\u201d; you don\u2019t even think about the pain.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, it\u2019s not about us; but I think there\u2019s\u2014you know better than any of us\u2014there are so many people who have similar stories.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: This is helpful to people; because sometimes, people don\u2019t know: \u201cHow does this apply to me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right; right.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Hearing other people map it out\u2014\"Oh, your little anxious girl,\u201d \u201cYour little shame-filled girl,\u201d \u201cYour little boy, who feels like he doesn\u2019t have permission to feel,\u201d\u2014this helps people; because then, they can recognize that inside of themselves; and maybe, see the patterns that are coming up as they are living their life and doing things they don\u2019t want to do!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cHow do we get out of this?\u201d Because this is what I see happen, so often, is\u2014instead of looking in the mirror, and saying, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got emotional sore spots\/triggers; let\u2019s deal with it,\u201d\u2014I think what we do in marriage is, we say,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014\u201cYou\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014\u201cYou\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve got to change,\u201d \u201cIf she\u2019ll change, then we\u2019ll be good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cIf he\u2019ll change then we\u2019re good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u2014which is ironic, because that\u2019s the thing we have the least amount of control over.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I know; isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That\u2019s like gambling; I can\u2019t trust that you\u2019re going to change.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Right!<\/p>\n<p>Debra: \u201cI have power over the ingredients that I am bringing to the table. If I change my ingredients, it has the power to change the whole recipe; so that\u2019s all that I can do, and that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do fully and see what happens. And I\u2019m going to trust God with your portion.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: That doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t say what we need. It doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t share when we\u2019re hurt and be vulnerable, but realizing that the deep healing work that we\u2019re responsible for is ours.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: One of the things I\u2019m wondering if we could do, as an assignment for everyone listening, is one of the things Dave and I did: we did a timeline of our lives.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I love that. I will talk you through how to do that in Reset, as well, in the beginning.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, good; good.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: And find it makes some patterns.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Give us a little application: \u201cHow could we do that?\u201d We have 30 seconds.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cHow could we do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Okay, Debra is going to walk us through how to make a timeline for personal lasting change in just a second. But first, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott; and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with Debra Fileta, on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Debra has written a book called Reset. The subtitle is Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, and Change Your Life. Sounds like something that you might need? It sounds like something that I definitely need. You can get your copy by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com in the show notes. Or feel free to call us at 800-358-6329; you can give us a call at that number to request your copy. Again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As you\u2019re getting ready for small groups coming up in the fall\u2014I know we\u2019re still in the middle of August, but fall is right around the corner\u2014we wanted to let you know that all of our FamilyLife workbooks are now 25 percent off for the month of August. You can go to the show notes at FamlilyLifeToday.com, look around, and pick out what will be best for you. But all our FamilyLife workbooks are 25 percent off until the end of this month.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, here\u2019s Debra to walk us through developing our own personal timeline that we might see lasting change in our lives.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Think about the most significant things that have impacted you in your life\u2014specifically, sore spots\u2014like things that made you feel inadequate. Whatever your sore spot is\u2014anxiety, control, depression\u2014feeling like: \u201cI\u2019m not good enough.\u201d Look through your life: \u201cWhat are the difficult experiences that maybe affirmed that unhealthy belief?\u2014'You are unseen,\u2019 \u2018You are unloved,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019ll never amount to anything.\u2019 What are the things that affirmed that belief? And start writing them down; and even journalling through them: \u2018Why did that affirm that belief?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Start thinking outside of the box: \u201cWhat does God\u2019s truth want to speak into that belief system?\" Again, if we want to change our behavior, it\u2019s thoughts that begin to change; and then, they change our feelings; and then, those changed feelings begin to change what we do on the outside.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Thank you; it\u2019s been awesome.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Debra, this has been so good. I hope everybody will read this book\u2014and all of your books, honestly\u2014thank you for all you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: Thank you for having me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re coming back for the next one.<\/p>\n<p>Debra: I can\u2019t wait; I can\u2019t wait.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Alright; coming up tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking with Rachel Faulkner Brown about blending families after a huge loss and dealing with grief. That\u2019s tomorrow; we hope you will join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/285429","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=285429"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=285429"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=285429"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=285429"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=285429"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=285429"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=285429"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}