{"id":284748,"date":"2024-08-01T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-01T08:15:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins\/"},"modified":"2025-06-10T17:01:30","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T21:01:30","slug":"when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins\/","title":{"rendered":"When Parenting = Anxiety: David &#038; Meg Robbins"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Ever wrestle that nagging parental anxiety? David &#038; Meg Robbins can relate. Listen in to their conversation with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson for empathy for the struggles and help for the anxiety that comes with parenting.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever wrestle that nagging parental anxiety? David &#038; Meg Robbins can relate. Listen in for empathy for the struggles and help for what&#8217;s nagging you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/68ddcb0b-734f-402b-9708-b1b50147d631\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:26","filesize":"27.90M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-08-01 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873,2095],"tags":[2726],"podcast_series":[8782],"cwp_profile":[3576],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-284748","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-parenting","tag-parental-anxiety","podcast_series-help-for-anxiety-in-parenting-david-meg-robbins","cwp_profile-david-and-meg-robbins","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/284748\/when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/284748\/when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"DjKNy54cGm\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins\/\">When Parenting = Anxiety: David &#038; Meg Robbins<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-parenting-anxiety-david-meg-robbins\/embed\/#?secret=DjKNy54cGm\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;When Parenting = Anxiety: David &#038; Meg Robbins&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"DjKNy54cGm\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["68ddcb0b-734f-402b-9708-b1b50147d631"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/68ddcb0b-734f-402b-9708-b1b50147d631\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:30:26"],"filesize":["27.90M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"_edit_lock":["1749590449:47000"],"show_notes":["<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=24EGPC&amp;cru_medium=podcast&amp;cru_campaign=August2024\">join us today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Enjoyed this episode with David &amp; Meg Robbins? Listen to more episodes <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/david-and-meg-robbins\/\">here<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Pick up your copy of <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/no-perfect-parents-2\/\">\"No Perfect Parents\"<\/a> by Dave and Ann Wilson at our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>When Parenting = Anxiety<\/p>\n<p>Guests:David and Meg Robbins<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Help for Anxiety in Parenting (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 1, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Hey! Before we get started today, I have to read you a comment that came in from one of our listeners. She said, \u201cI realized, listening today, that it was shame that I\u2019ve been feeling my whole life. This broadcast just nailed it on the head. I\u2019ve spent my whole life trying to find love and acceptance. After hearing this show, it just made so much sense: God does love me. When Ann said the line, \u2018You\u2019re already loved,\u2019 I cried. I said, \u2018That\u2019s for me! I\u2019m already loved\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m telling you, it\u2019s when people are impacted like that\u2014that makes me cry, because that\u2019s our hope: that people will meet Jesus and be helped.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s why we do what we do. I think that\u2019s what all of us want. We want to make a difference; we want to leave a mark. FamilyLife\u00ae is all about leaving a mark and helping you leave a mark. Let me tell you: we have a financial goal in the month of August, so that we can leave a mark, and you can leave a mark. You won\u2019t believe this: the goal is $250,000.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But we think we can do it. So, we\u2019re asking: \u201cWill you help us reach that goal?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, jump in with us at any level. FamilyLifeToday.com is where you can do that and become a partner. If you jump in with us, we can make a mark in your life; and you and I can make a mark on all kinds of people for legacies and generations to come.<\/p>\n<p>And guess what? If you jump in with us in August, we\u2019re going to send you Brant Hansen\u2019s book, Unoffendable\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014and a FamilyLife limited edition pen. You know: make a mark; that\u2019s what pen\u2019s do. And you\u2019re going to use it to mark up through Brant\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a crazy great book.<\/p>\n<p>Let me just say this: \u201cWe need you; we love you; we want to partner together. And when you and I\u2014you and we\u2014partner together, we can change the world. So, let\u2019s jump in together today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: When they are avoiding you or something; they\u2019re withdrawing to their room unusually or any other way; or escaping, they are getting really into something over the top or some new thing they are getting consumed with, that, often, can point to the fact that there\u2019s so much going on, anxiety-wise, churning beneath them, that they are running to something that they can control somehow.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, there are a lot of parents doing something this month that we don\u2019t have to do any more.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And these parents can be happy, or sad, or filled with anxiety, because there\u2019s a lot going on.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, we\u2019re talking about\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014school starting!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014getting their kids ready for school, whether it\u2019s toddlers, or high schoolers, or middle schoolers. Those days were stressful!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Very stressful. And I think we underestimate how stressful they are for the kids, as well.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. Well, we don\u2019t have to do it anymore, but we\u2019ve got a couple in the studio who, literally, are doing this right now. David and Meg Robbins are back.<\/p>\n<p>David: Fun to be here, guys. We love being at the table with y\u2019all! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have so much fun with you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, are you guys doing this? I mean, you\u2019ve got three now in school? And the fourth one is off to college.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And one in college!<\/p>\n<p>David: I think the oldest starting freshman year in college may be the most back-to-school anxiety we\u2019ve had, at least.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: It\u2019s a whole new chapter. Yes, then we have one in elementary; two in high school.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>David: One starting high school in ninth grade.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That poses a lot of stress on the family\u2014a lot of excitement, but do you think it can be stressful for the kids?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think so, because the one who is starting high school, going into ninth grade, it\u2019s the same school he\u2019s continuing in, but it\u2019ll be a big transition. They even have meetings at school to help them think through: \u201cOkay, you\u2019re starting your freshman year. You\u2019re on the path to what it might look like in four years if you go to college. You have to start thinking about things differently.\u201d Yes, I think the pressure piles on.<\/p>\n<p>David: When I think about each one of our kids, at all different ages\u2014and this is true for any family, they all process something new like this so differently. Even your parenting approach has to be unique for each kid.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>David: And you\u2019re at your own capacity barometer. You\u2019re off the charts [Laughter], getting supplies and what not. Each kid\u2019s going: \u201cOkay, who am I sitting by?\u201d and \u201cWhere am I sitting at lunch?\u201d and \u201cMan, my class is totally different than last time,\u201d or some pressure of not connecting with your teacher.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWill I have the same friends?\u201d \u201cWill I have different friends?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Right!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And \u201cHow will they treat me?\u201d if it\u2019s a new school. I\u2019m thinking of Ford, your oldest, being in college, like, \u201cWhat\u2019s this\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014trying to find his way; yes, right.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Finding a whole new everything, you know? It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: No matter how same it is\u2014as a lot of our kids are back in the same school, except for Ford; but transitions in staging, they\u2019re still new to it. New brings a lot of anxiety. When we move, I feel like, in our society, we actually don\u2019t do a lot of grief work, moving from one city to another. Well, this is a micro move in these kids\u2019 lives,--<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014for sure\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014where they\u2019re transitioning from something they learned to know, got rooted in. Some of them are probably looking for a fresh start, but most are actually coming in with: \u201cI know some things, but this is a totally new day.\u201d There\u2019s grief that it is not the same and also excitement of what it could be. However, in the midst of that, is a lot of unknown. That unknown brings lots of anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it\u2019s interesting, there was a study done in 2023 about the reasons kids miss school. Number one reason\u2014guess what it is? Bad weather. [Laughter] That makes sense; when you\u2019re in Michigan, we have snow days and that kind of thing.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Twenty-one percent, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, but number two\u2014I don\u2019t know if it was as high when we were raising kids, 20-some years ago, as it is now\u2014but it\u2019s anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Kids are anxious and nervous. They literally feel it so strongly, they don\u2019t go to school. You guys are parenting in this day and age. Is that real?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think it is definitely real. We certainly see peers of our kids, who miss school for those reasons. I think it is interesting, because you also have kids at different stages, developmentally. Younger kids have a harder time vocalizing that, and you have to, as a parent, learn how to see: \u201cWhat are they really feeling? What\u2019s causing them to act this way?\u201d or \u201c\u2026be fearful?\u201d Those kind of things.<\/p>\n<p>When you think of older kids\u2014I don\u2019t know the statistic, if it applies more to certain ages\u2014kids in middle and high school are certainly feeling a lot more anxiety happening than [what] we experienced. I think there are so many things. We could probably pull out a whole list of things that contribute to that: social media\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes. Well, I have that list.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Oh, let\u2019s hear it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, I have that list. [These are] factors that have a negative impact on teens\u2019 mental health:<\/p>\n<p>Thirty-four percent of teens are feeling stress related to finishing schoolwork and homework.<\/p>\n<p>This is really good to lock into, parents, just to empathize and to realize: \u201cThese are the things your kids are feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Twenty-eight percent felt anxiety over their grades and test results.<\/p>\n<p>Twenty-two percent felt concerns about physical appearance.<\/p>\n<p>Twenty-one percent [had] anxiety over societal issues in news.<\/p>\n<p>And then, I\u2019ll just hit the last one:<\/p>\n<p>Twenty percent [have] concerns about \u201chow I am perceived by others.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>David: There\u2019s a lot of data out there that, I think, connects these dots\u2014not to put it all on it, but especially older kids: access to phones. I\u2019m looking at the same stats here. None explicitly say, \u201cphone,\u201d but:<\/p>\n<p>How I physically appear: we know the connection to how people compare themselves.<\/p>\n<p>The performance orientation around test results and grades. I mean, getting into schools now; that\u2019s ever present in your face if you\u2019re a high schooler.<\/p>\n<p>And then, the social issues and perceived by others.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the access and inputs that kids get and how they write their own narratives about themselves, based on comparing to some perfect version, or sugar-coated version, of what people present. It\u2019s one of those key things that raises these areas [of anxiety], I\u2019m confident.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s overwhelming for our kids. Here we are, as parents: \u201cHelp us. Help us know how to help our kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: I go back to a morning with one of our kids, where it\u2019s a bad morning\u2014hard morning, processing a lot. It was part friends, part grades. They just didn\u2019t want to face the day. I remember pulling around, letting the other kids off, coming back, sitting in the parking lot and saying: \u201cYou know, we do hard things. This is what we do. We take steps of faith, and this is hard.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The pep talk was not working! [Laughter] The things that, normally, the way it goes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWe are the Robbinses. This is what we do!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes; like, \u201cWe do hard things.\u201d I was [thinking]: \u201cIt\u2019s not happening.\u201d There was a cracking happening.<\/p>\n<p>What I appreciate, in some ways, is: I think the conversation around mental health today is helpful. We don\u2019t give this out often, but that day, I was like, \u201cLord, what do You want me to do?\u201d I made the choice: \u201cAlright. We\u2019re going to take an hour. You get to miss first period. Let\u2019s go get a snack.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All of a sudden, getting a snack, looking at the windshield, sitting in a parking lot, this wave of just getting it out happened. They had to still take some steps of courage to go that day, but there was a pressure relief valve. We prayed together, out loud; and then, they went on their way. It was decent day. It wasn\u2019t a perfect day, it wasn\u2019t a great day, it wasn\u2019t an awesome day; it was a decent day.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, we do have to enter in and meet people where they are. I\u2019m grateful for the fact that mental health is talked about a lot more; yet, when it\u2019s the second biggest reason people are missing physical presence at school, that\u2019s when we do have an issue where we, as parents, have to talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, how do you\u2014as you guys are right in it right now, how do you\u2014see the symptoms? What are the signs you guys see? You\u2019ve got it, David, you\u2019re sitting there, saying, \u201cI\u2019ve got to be present right now.\u201d Often, we miss that.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes. Just as a side resource, I would say that David Thomas and Sissy Goff speak so well to this topic.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes; you can go look at archives at FamilyLife Today. We\u2019ve had them on multiple times.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes; I know that David Thomas talks a lot about, in boys, anger is a surface, secondary emotion. You often kind of have to backtrack from what you\u2019re seeing. I think that\u2019s kind of the key, for boys and girls. Oftentimes, what emotions come out are reactions over things that seem small. You have to deal with those things in the moment, and be patient, and sit in it with your child; but I think it\u2019s: \u201cOkay, where is this really coming from?\u201d And then, later, asking questions about: \u201cWhat are you really feeling?\u201d We have, literally, started trying to use a feelings wheel with our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u201cPick out a couple of these that let us know how you\u2019re feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: And just so you know, they roll their eyes when we bring it out. [Laughter] And yet, it leads them to be able to name something. One of the biggest problems is being able to name what you\u2019re actually feeling anxious about. That\u2019s where you can start. A lot of times, we don\u2019t have starting places, because we can\u2019t name that.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: And Josh and Christi Straub also have a book that\u2019s geared more towards younger kids. Even Mac [their youngest] loves this book. It\u2019s about feelings: \u201cMy feelings don\u2019t have to control me, but they\u2019re important.\u201d There\u2019s even a chart in the back of the book with different facial expressions.<\/p>\n<p>Kids are different. They sniff that out; they don\u2019t really like it when we dig in deeper, but I think they also know it\u2019s important. And it actually does help them, in the long run, learn to name their emotions.<\/p>\n<p>David: I think the two biggest strategies that kids do, that you can have your antennas up for, are avoidance and escape. When they are avoiding you or something\u2014they\u2019re withdrawing to their room unusually or any other way, or escape\u2014they are getting really into something over the top or some new thing they are getting consumed with, that, often, can point to the fact that there\u2019s so much going on, anxiety-wise, churning beneath them that they are running to something that they can control somehow.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s just a discernment thing. You know your kid, and the Holy Spirit can guide you, and can let you see, and prompt you to say: \u201cOkay, where are my kids escaping?\u201d or \u201cWhere are they avoiding? What are they avoiding?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s interesting. Everything you just said applies to us, too. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Isn\u2019t that true?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Even anger and emotions.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: For sure! And that\u2019s really where we started using the feelings wheel, and use it more, probably, with ourselves\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014in our marriage\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014each other.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014in a stuck place, it\u2019s true; yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I sometimes have a hard time, myself, saying, \u201cThis is how I\u2019m feeling,\u201d because I don\u2019t always recognize it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have a grandchild who was dying\u2014you guys probably remember when they start school, and it\u2019s so hard.<\/p>\n<p>David and Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This little grandson has a little heart on the palm of his hand that has been put there by his dad. His dad has one, and the mom has one, and the sister has one. They all connect hearts with the palm of their hands.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Aww!<\/p>\n<p>David: Ah, you\u2019re kidding me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They pray for each other. They\u2019re like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be together when we get back together.\u201d During the day, he would just look at the palm of his hand\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014so sweet!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014remembering, \u201cMy dad and mom are praying for me. They\u2019re with me, and I\u2019ll be back with them in a few hours.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: That gives me chills. [Laughter] I love that.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s something around\u2014especially, for kids\u2014to get them out of their\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014frontal\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014frontal cortex; and just slowing down a child; what they\u2019re intaking. Because they\u2019re getting flooded with all these emotions that lead to this anxiety, or overwhelming [feelings], or stress. Just simply say, \u201cIn this world, we may have trouble; but in Jesus, He has overcome the world.\u201d [John 16:33, Paraphrased] Being able to repeat that, or any verse, and being able to meditate on Scripture as you slow down a kid\u2019s processing.<\/p>\n<p>However, a heart; that\u2019s pretty special. That\u2019s amazing.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And pretty cool.<\/p>\n<p>One of the ways our kids get flooded (you just used that word) is social media.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What do you guys do? Take us into the Robbins\u2019 home in terms of phones and that kind of thing with your teenagers and your younger kids. How do you manage that, as mom and dad?<\/p>\n<p>David: I, first, want to give a caveat that: anything we have done\u2014one, we haven\u2019t done it perfectly; and two, it\u2019s been at the advice of some great partners that we have brought in here in studio. People like Axis Ministries\u2014David Eaton\u2014that we\u2019ve had in studio, and many others; we could start giving a long list. We have followed a lot of their advice. Now that we\u2019re getting older kids, I\u2019m so grateful that we\u2019ve heard some of their blunt advice. And now that the data is coming in, it\u2019s supporting it.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what we\u2019ve done\u2014this won\u2019t be for everybody, but here\u2019s some of the things we\u2019ve done.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Also, we\u2019re still in this\u2014in the thick of it still; so, we haven\u2019t arrived at the end and are saying, \u201cOh, all these things worked so well.\u201d It\u2019s kind of an ever-adjusting thing.<\/p>\n<p>David: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We held off on iPhone\u00aes. When our oldest was in middle school, we were living in New York City. He needed some way to contact us, because he was walking 20 blocks to school. He had a flip phone\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Talk about anxiety\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014so, old-school texting. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes. [Laughter] He was loving it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201420 blocks to school?<\/p>\n<p>David: Every kid longs to be independent\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014in New York.<\/p>\n<p>David \u2014and he was loving it.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes, he was loving it. It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: You know what\u2019s great about the flip phone, though? We ended up copying that for multiple kids,\u2014Meg: \u2014for our second.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014because they can communicate if they have to; one, with us as parents (that\u2019s really nice after practice), but with their friends. Now, they\u2019re missing out on iMessage, yes, and that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: And there are different options. There are probably a lot better options now, because when our second child got the flip phone, we had to go and argue with the cell phone company to get them to take off the internet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I bet.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: And then, our third: he actually didn\u2019t have anything until eighth grade.<\/p>\n<p>David: One of the reasons why, for him, is because he saw their basketball team\u2014a few friends, a grade older\u2014got a phone. They detached. They totally zoned in. It\u2019s what happens!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: The friend\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014the friend.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014with the phone, detached.<\/p>\n<p>David: His group of younger graders, who were on that same team, made a pact: \u201cLet\u2019s wait until\u201d\u2014not only wait until eighth grade; \u201cWe\u2019re making a pact to not dive in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u201cWe don\u2019t want phones.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes; \u201cWe don\u2019t want phones,\u201d they said for a while. And that softened over time.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Of course.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, they saw it.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: They did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: They saw the withdrawal.<\/p>\n<p>David: And I think everyone is seeing it in their age.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think one of the things we\u2019ve seen in all three of our kids who are old enough to have phones now\u2014they are 14 and up: the longer we waited for something, the more they begin to see it for what it really was.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, we waited until 16 because of friends who had done the research, who are solid resources, like Axis. There\u2019s a lot of data out there about what kids brains\u2014\u201cAt least, wait until 16,\u201d which feels like an eternity in some contexts. \u201cAre you kidding me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then, as you do that\u2014this was your question, Ann, \u201cHow do you provide limits?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We didn\u2019t say, \u201cOkay, when you turn 16, you get a free-for-all pass to anything.\u201d We were like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to stay open-minded and keep seeking the Lord; but we know we\u2019re probably going to stick with: \u2018We\u2019re not going to have a conversation about really going into social media until you are that age,\u2019\u201d just based on research and other wise people that we had seen.<\/p>\n<p>For our son, he got one social media app. After about four weeks, he was like, \u201cThis is not even worth my time.\u201d He ended up getting off of it. [Laughter] I think it\u2019s because, the longer you wait, you see other people interacting in that space\u2014I remember, at one point, he was like, \u201cMy friends are spending like five hours, sending pictures of their forehead to each other.\u201d That\u2019s what Snapchat\u00ae had become.<\/p>\n<p>I think our daughter has seen just how people can start to feel left out when they see their friends post places where they were, or things like that. It\u2019s kind of like, \u201cDo I want to be seeing that all the time?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Talk to the parent who is saying, \u201cMy 12-year-old daughter\u201d\u2014or 13-year-old, whatever age\u2014\u201cI can hardly stand the bombardment and pressure she\u2019s putting on me. It\u2019s constant.\u201d I think, often\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014for a phone, for social media.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes! Often, a parent just caves, like, \u201cI can\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And then, we\u2019ve heard parents say, \u201cBut I really regret it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How do you get that child to lay off the pressure on you?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Keep having those conversations; keep listening, with grace. These are decisions we have to make for our kids and their heart; what we\u2019re choosing to expose them to or not. We wouldn\u2019t allow them to go in certain places that would be dangerous for them in the physical world. Allowing them into those places in the social media, or the internet, or the phone world, we have to recognize it\u2019s the same.<\/p>\n<p>And then, the other thing: The Social Dilemma is a documentary on Netflix\u00ae. We watched that with our kids. It impacted them pretty deeply. When you hear the person who created the \u201cLike\u201d button on Facebook\u00ae say that he is lobbying Congress, now, to put major limits\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u201cThis is not healthy for our kids. It was never intended to become something that would lead to depression and suicide. We have to get honest about this.\u201d When you hear those people saying those kinds of things, and that they don\u2019t let their kids use any of that stuff until 16, or even 18, it sinks in, even for a 12-year-old.<\/p>\n<p>David: I would say we\u2019ve had to repeat the destination:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe destination is, I want you to have a phone; you\u2019re going to. I want you to do it well. I make mistakes; I get down rabbit holes; I get my dopamine hits.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is one of the best places to become more like Jesus. It\u2019s one of the most visual, moment-by-moment, daily, minute-by-minute things we do: be connected to our phones. It\u2019s actually one of the most shaping things in discipleship for us\u2014let\u2019s own it as adults\u2014and for our kids, especially as they are shaped<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHey, I am all in for you having a phone and for you, likely, being on social media, if that\u2019s what you choose to do. I\u2019m here for that journey. Here\u2019s where our journey starts, based on some of these realities.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For us, that meant eighth grade for an iPhone, and that was with limitations. We took Safari\u00ae off\u2014there\u2019s great\u2014Apple\u00ae has responded. It\u2019s hard to do, but Apple has responded, where you can set up some significant limitations, and layer in access to Safari later, etc.; And then, social media [not] until 16.<\/p>\n<p>The data is out there. They may not like it, and yet, you\u2019re giving them the destination of: \u201cI want you to be like Jesus with everything you\u2019ve got. And your phone is going to be part of your world. It is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: We\u2019re going to hear some more from Ann, here, in just a second with some practical application on what we\u2019ve heard today. But first, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>You know, FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported ministry. We want you to make your mark and be part of FamilyLife\u2019s mission of impacting lives through Christian teaching and family support. This is August, officially, and our goal this month is to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of this month in order to support FamilyLife\u2019s initiatives and reach our fiscal year-end goal.<\/p>\n<p>You can make your mark by being a part of what we\u2019re doing. Link arms with us and be a part of the mission of reaching families and making every home a godly home. And when you do make a donation of any amount, we\u2019re going to send you a FamilyLife pen, along with a copy of Brant Hansen\u2019s Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better. It\u2019s a brand-new, updated resource from one of our favorites, Brant Hansen.<\/p>\n<p>Again, we\u2019re going to send you a copy of his book when you make a donation of any amount and become a part of the solution, here at FamilyLife Today. You can go online to make your donation at FamilyLifeToday.com or look for our link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d And thank you so much for being a part of this ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, here\u2019s some practical application from Ann on what we\u2019ve heard today:<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m just thinking of parents listening to this\u2014I\u2019m thinking of mom\u2019s listening. Share this with your friends! I love this picture of getting together with a couple friends, maybe four friends, and being committed to praying for your kids.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I had that with my friends, where we just sent out prayer requests at the beginning of the year, and all through the year, because we don\u2019t need to do it alone. God is with us; but man, to have some friends who are partnering with us\u2014that helps, too. This has been great.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it has been great. And I tell you, one image I can\u2019t get out of my mind, that I would love parents to have in their mind, of all the things we talked about today,[is] if your kid is anxious, sit in the car, skip first period\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014not every day! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Not every day.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014not every day\u2014yes, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to go to school.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: \u201cWe do hard things, and\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But I mean, be present in that scary moment for them. It will pass, but they need a parent who\u2019s there; not giving all the answers, just saying, \u2018Let\u2019s take a deep breath\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and \u201cI\u2019m with you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201cand decompress.\u201d That\u2019s what God does. I think that would be a great moment for you, as a parent, maybe, just living that moment with your child.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Now, coming up tomorrow, we\u2019re in back-to-school season. David and Meg Robbins are going to be back with some practical tips for managing stress and trusting God in this season where our kids head back to school. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-01.pdf"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_fd9f73c9b9484a64499d51a16bf6ba90b1bf2885":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" \/]"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_atts_fd9f73c9b9484a64499d51a16bf6ba90b1bf2885":["a:17:{s:2:\"to\";s:29:\"margaret.coyle@familylife.com\";s:7:\"subject\";s:75:\"[FamilyLife - A Cru Ministry] When Parenting = Anxiety: David & Meg Robbins\";s:12:\"show_subject\";s:2:\"no\";s:6:\"widget\";i:0;s:14:\"block_template\";N;s:19:\"block_template_part\";N;s:2:\"id\";i:284748;s:18:\"submit_button_text\";s:6:\"Submit\";s:14:\"customThankyou\";s:0:\"\";s:21:\"customThankyouHeading\";s:26:\"Your message has been 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wrestle that nagging parental anxiety? David & Meg Robbins can relate. Listen in for empathy for the struggles and help for what's nagging you.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Help make YOUR mark: Your donation supports crucial resources for families and includes a special FamilyLife Pen and Brant Hansen's book, \"Unoffendable\"\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/august-2024\/urgent-need\/?cru_source=24EGPC&amp;cru_medium=podcast&amp;cru_campaign=August2024\">join us today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Enjoyed this episode with David &amp; Meg Robbins? Listen to more episodes <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/david-and-meg-robbins\/\">here<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Pick up your copy of <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/no-perfect-parents-2\/\">\"No Perfect Parents\"<\/a> by Dave and Ann Wilson at our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-08-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>When Parenting = Anxiety<\/p>\n<p>Guests:David and Meg Robbins<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Help for Anxiety in Parenting (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 1, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Hey! Before we get started today, I have to read you a comment that came in from one of our listeners. She said, \u201cI realized, listening today, that it was shame that I\u2019ve been feeling my whole life. This broadcast just nailed it on the head. I\u2019ve spent my whole life trying to find love and acceptance. After hearing this show, it just made so much sense: God does love me. When Ann said the line, \u2018You\u2019re already loved,\u2019 I cried. I said, \u2018That\u2019s for me! I\u2019m already loved\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m telling you, it\u2019s when people are impacted like that\u2014that makes me cry, because that\u2019s our hope: that people will meet Jesus and be helped.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s why we do what we do. I think that\u2019s what all of us want. We want to make a difference; we want to leave a mark. FamilyLife\u00ae is all about leaving a mark and helping you leave a mark. Let me tell you: we have a financial goal in the month of August, so that we can leave a mark, and you can leave a mark. You won\u2019t believe this: the goal is $250,000.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But we think we can do it. So, we\u2019re asking: \u201cWill you help us reach that goal?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, jump in with us at any level. FamilyLifeToday.com is where you can do that and become a partner. If you jump in with us, we can make a mark in your life; and you and I can make a mark on all kinds of people for legacies and generations to come.<\/p>\n<p>And guess what? If you jump in with us in August, we\u2019re going to send you Brant Hansen\u2019s book, Unoffendable\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014and a FamilyLife limited edition pen. You know: make a mark; that\u2019s what pen\u2019s do. And you\u2019re going to use it to mark up through Brant\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a crazy great book.<\/p>\n<p>Let me just say this: \u201cWe need you; we love you; we want to partner together. And when you and I\u2014you and we\u2014partner together, we can change the world. So, let\u2019s jump in together today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: When they are avoiding you or something; they\u2019re withdrawing to their room unusually or any other way; or escaping, they are getting really into something over the top or some new thing they are getting consumed with, that, often, can point to the fact that there\u2019s so much going on, anxiety-wise, churning beneath them, that they are running to something that they can control somehow.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, there are a lot of parents doing something this month that we don\u2019t have to do any more.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And these parents can be happy, or sad, or filled with anxiety, because there\u2019s a lot going on.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, we\u2019re talking about\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014school starting!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014getting their kids ready for school, whether it\u2019s toddlers, or high schoolers, or middle schoolers. Those days were stressful!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Very stressful. And I think we underestimate how stressful they are for the kids, as well.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. Well, we don\u2019t have to do it anymore, but we\u2019ve got a couple in the studio who, literally, are doing this right now. David and Meg Robbins are back.<\/p>\n<p>David: Fun to be here, guys. We love being at the table with y\u2019all! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have so much fun with you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, are you guys doing this? I mean, you\u2019ve got three now in school? And the fourth one is off to college.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And one in college!<\/p>\n<p>David: I think the oldest starting freshman year in college may be the most back-to-school anxiety we\u2019ve had, at least.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: It\u2019s a whole new chapter. Yes, then we have one in elementary; two in high school.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>David: One starting high school in ninth grade.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That poses a lot of stress on the family\u2014a lot of excitement, but do you think it can be stressful for the kids?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think so, because the one who is starting high school, going into ninth grade, it\u2019s the same school he\u2019s continuing in, but it\u2019ll be a big transition. They even have meetings at school to help them think through: \u201cOkay, you\u2019re starting your freshman year. You\u2019re on the path to what it might look like in four years if you go to college. You have to start thinking about things differently.\u201d Yes, I think the pressure piles on.<\/p>\n<p>David: When I think about each one of our kids, at all different ages\u2014and this is true for any family, they all process something new like this so differently. Even your parenting approach has to be unique for each kid.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>David: And you\u2019re at your own capacity barometer. You\u2019re off the charts [Laughter], getting supplies and what not. Each kid\u2019s going: \u201cOkay, who am I sitting by?\u201d and \u201cWhere am I sitting at lunch?\u201d and \u201cMan, my class is totally different than last time,\u201d or some pressure of not connecting with your teacher.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWill I have the same friends?\u201d \u201cWill I have different friends?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Right!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And \u201cHow will they treat me?\u201d if it\u2019s a new school. I\u2019m thinking of Ford, your oldest, being in college, like, \u201cWhat\u2019s this\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014trying to find his way; yes, right.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Finding a whole new everything, you know? It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: No matter how same it is\u2014as a lot of our kids are back in the same school, except for Ford; but transitions in staging, they\u2019re still new to it. New brings a lot of anxiety. When we move, I feel like, in our society, we actually don\u2019t do a lot of grief work, moving from one city to another. Well, this is a micro move in these kids\u2019 lives,--<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014for sure\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014where they\u2019re transitioning from something they learned to know, got rooted in. Some of them are probably looking for a fresh start, but most are actually coming in with: \u201cI know some things, but this is a totally new day.\u201d There\u2019s grief that it is not the same and also excitement of what it could be. However, in the midst of that, is a lot of unknown. That unknown brings lots of anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it\u2019s interesting, there was a study done in 2023 about the reasons kids miss school. Number one reason\u2014guess what it is? Bad weather. [Laughter] That makes sense; when you\u2019re in Michigan, we have snow days and that kind of thing.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Twenty-one percent, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, but number two\u2014I don\u2019t know if it was as high when we were raising kids, 20-some years ago, as it is now\u2014but it\u2019s anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Kids are anxious and nervous. They literally feel it so strongly, they don\u2019t go to school. You guys are parenting in this day and age. Is that real?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think it is definitely real. We certainly see peers of our kids, who miss school for those reasons. I think it is interesting, because you also have kids at different stages, developmentally. Younger kids have a harder time vocalizing that, and you have to, as a parent, learn how to see: \u201cWhat are they really feeling? What\u2019s causing them to act this way?\u201d or \u201c\u2026be fearful?\u201d Those kind of things.<\/p>\n<p>When you think of older kids\u2014I don\u2019t know the statistic, if it applies more to certain ages\u2014kids in middle and high school are certainly feeling a lot more anxiety happening than [what] we experienced. I think there are so many things. We could probably pull out a whole list of things that contribute to that: social media\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes. Well, I have that list.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Oh, let\u2019s hear it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, I have that list. [These are] factors that have a negative impact on teens\u2019 mental health:<\/p>\n<p>Thirty-four percent of teens are feeling stress related to finishing schoolwork and homework.<\/p>\n<p>This is really good to lock into, parents, just to empathize and to realize: \u201cThese are the things your kids are feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Twenty-eight percent felt anxiety over their grades and test results.<\/p>\n<p>Twenty-two percent felt concerns about physical appearance.<\/p>\n<p>Twenty-one percent [had] anxiety over societal issues in news.<\/p>\n<p>And then, I\u2019ll just hit the last one:<\/p>\n<p>Twenty percent [have] concerns about \u201chow I am perceived by others.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>David: There\u2019s a lot of data out there that, I think, connects these dots\u2014not to put it all on it, but especially older kids: access to phones. I\u2019m looking at the same stats here. None explicitly say, \u201cphone,\u201d but:<\/p>\n<p>How I physically appear: we know the connection to how people compare themselves.<\/p>\n<p>The performance orientation around test results and grades. I mean, getting into schools now; that\u2019s ever present in your face if you\u2019re a high schooler.<\/p>\n<p>And then, the social issues and perceived by others.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the access and inputs that kids get and how they write their own narratives about themselves, based on comparing to some perfect version, or sugar-coated version, of what people present. It\u2019s one of those key things that raises these areas [of anxiety], I\u2019m confident.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s overwhelming for our kids. Here we are, as parents: \u201cHelp us. Help us know how to help our kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: I go back to a morning with one of our kids, where it\u2019s a bad morning\u2014hard morning, processing a lot. It was part friends, part grades. They just didn\u2019t want to face the day. I remember pulling around, letting the other kids off, coming back, sitting in the parking lot and saying: \u201cYou know, we do hard things. This is what we do. We take steps of faith, and this is hard.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The pep talk was not working! [Laughter] The things that, normally, the way it goes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cWe are the Robbinses. This is what we do!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes; like, \u201cWe do hard things.\u201d I was [thinking]: \u201cIt\u2019s not happening.\u201d There was a cracking happening.<\/p>\n<p>What I appreciate, in some ways, is: I think the conversation around mental health today is helpful. We don\u2019t give this out often, but that day, I was like, \u201cLord, what do You want me to do?\u201d I made the choice: \u201cAlright. We\u2019re going to take an hour. You get to miss first period. Let\u2019s go get a snack.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All of a sudden, getting a snack, looking at the windshield, sitting in a parking lot, this wave of just getting it out happened. They had to still take some steps of courage to go that day, but there was a pressure relief valve. We prayed together, out loud; and then, they went on their way. It was decent day. It wasn\u2019t a perfect day, it wasn\u2019t a great day, it wasn\u2019t an awesome day; it was a decent day.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, we do have to enter in and meet people where they are. I\u2019m grateful for the fact that mental health is talked about a lot more; yet, when it\u2019s the second biggest reason people are missing physical presence at school, that\u2019s when we do have an issue where we, as parents, have to talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, how do you\u2014as you guys are right in it right now, how do you\u2014see the symptoms? What are the signs you guys see? You\u2019ve got it, David, you\u2019re sitting there, saying, \u201cI\u2019ve got to be present right now.\u201d Often, we miss that.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes. Just as a side resource, I would say that David Thomas and Sissy Goff speak so well to this topic.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes; you can go look at archives at FamilyLife Today. We\u2019ve had them on multiple times.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes; I know that David Thomas talks a lot about, in boys, anger is a surface, secondary emotion. You often kind of have to backtrack from what you\u2019re seeing. I think that\u2019s kind of the key, for boys and girls. Oftentimes, what emotions come out are reactions over things that seem small. You have to deal with those things in the moment, and be patient, and sit in it with your child; but I think it\u2019s: \u201cOkay, where is this really coming from?\u201d And then, later, asking questions about: \u201cWhat are you really feeling?\u201d We have, literally, started trying to use a feelings wheel with our kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u201cPick out a couple of these that let us know how you\u2019re feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: And just so you know, they roll their eyes when we bring it out. [Laughter] And yet, it leads them to be able to name something. One of the biggest problems is being able to name what you\u2019re actually feeling anxious about. That\u2019s where you can start. A lot of times, we don\u2019t have starting places, because we can\u2019t name that.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: And Josh and Christi Straub also have a book that\u2019s geared more towards younger kids. Even Mac [their youngest] loves this book. It\u2019s about feelings: \u201cMy feelings don\u2019t have to control me, but they\u2019re important.\u201d There\u2019s even a chart in the back of the book with different facial expressions.<\/p>\n<p>Kids are different. They sniff that out; they don\u2019t really like it when we dig in deeper, but I think they also know it\u2019s important. And it actually does help them, in the long run, learn to name their emotions.<\/p>\n<p>David: I think the two biggest strategies that kids do, that you can have your antennas up for, are avoidance and escape. When they are avoiding you or something\u2014they\u2019re withdrawing to their room unusually or any other way, or escape\u2014they are getting really into something over the top or some new thing they are getting consumed with, that, often, can point to the fact that there\u2019s so much going on, anxiety-wise, churning beneath them that they are running to something that they can control somehow.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s just a discernment thing. You know your kid, and the Holy Spirit can guide you, and can let you see, and prompt you to say: \u201cOkay, where are my kids escaping?\u201d or \u201cWhere are they avoiding? What are they avoiding?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s interesting. Everything you just said applies to us, too. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Isn\u2019t that true?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Even anger and emotions.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: For sure! And that\u2019s really where we started using the feelings wheel, and use it more, probably, with ourselves\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014in our marriage\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014each other.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014in a stuck place, it\u2019s true; yes.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I sometimes have a hard time, myself, saying, \u201cThis is how I\u2019m feeling,\u201d because I don\u2019t always recognize it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We have a grandchild who was dying\u2014you guys probably remember when they start school, and it\u2019s so hard.<\/p>\n<p>David and Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This little grandson has a little heart on the palm of his hand that has been put there by his dad. His dad has one, and the mom has one, and the sister has one. They all connect hearts with the palm of their hands.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Aww!<\/p>\n<p>David: Ah, you\u2019re kidding me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: They pray for each other. They\u2019re like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be together when we get back together.\u201d During the day, he would just look at the palm of his hand\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014so sweet!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014remembering, \u201cMy dad and mom are praying for me. They\u2019re with me, and I\u2019ll be back with them in a few hours.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: That gives me chills. [Laughter] I love that.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s something around\u2014especially, for kids\u2014to get them out of their\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014frontal\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014frontal cortex; and just slowing down a child; what they\u2019re intaking. Because they\u2019re getting flooded with all these emotions that lead to this anxiety, or overwhelming [feelings], or stress. Just simply say, \u201cIn this world, we may have trouble; but in Jesus, He has overcome the world.\u201d [John 16:33, Paraphrased] Being able to repeat that, or any verse, and being able to meditate on Scripture as you slow down a kid\u2019s processing.<\/p>\n<p>However, a heart; that\u2019s pretty special. That\u2019s amazing.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And pretty cool.<\/p>\n<p>One of the ways our kids get flooded (you just used that word) is social media.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What do you guys do? Take us into the Robbins\u2019 home in terms of phones and that kind of thing with your teenagers and your younger kids. How do you manage that, as mom and dad?<\/p>\n<p>David: I, first, want to give a caveat that: anything we have done\u2014one, we haven\u2019t done it perfectly; and two, it\u2019s been at the advice of some great partners that we have brought in here in studio. People like Axis Ministries\u2014David Eaton\u2014that we\u2019ve had in studio, and many others; we could start giving a long list. We have followed a lot of their advice. Now that we\u2019re getting older kids, I\u2019m so grateful that we\u2019ve heard some of their blunt advice. And now that the data is coming in, it\u2019s supporting it.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what we\u2019ve done\u2014this won\u2019t be for everybody, but here\u2019s some of the things we\u2019ve done.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Also, we\u2019re still in this\u2014in the thick of it still; so, we haven\u2019t arrived at the end and are saying, \u201cOh, all these things worked so well.\u201d It\u2019s kind of an ever-adjusting thing.<\/p>\n<p>David: That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We held off on iPhone\u00aes. When our oldest was in middle school, we were living in New York City. He needed some way to contact us, because he was walking 20 blocks to school. He had a flip phone\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Talk about anxiety\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u2014so, old-school texting. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes. [Laughter] He was loving it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201420 blocks to school?<\/p>\n<p>David: Every kid longs to be independent\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014in New York.<\/p>\n<p>David \u2014and he was loving it.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes, he was loving it. It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>David: You know what\u2019s great about the flip phone, though? We ended up copying that for multiple kids,\u2014Meg: \u2014for our second.<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014because they can communicate if they have to; one, with us as parents (that\u2019s really nice after practice), but with their friends. Now, they\u2019re missing out on iMessage, yes, and that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: And there are different options. There are probably a lot better options now, because when our second child got the flip phone, we had to go and argue with the cell phone company to get them to take off the internet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I bet.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: And then, our third: he actually didn\u2019t have anything until eighth grade.<\/p>\n<p>David: One of the reasons why, for him, is because he saw their basketball team\u2014a few friends, a grade older\u2014got a phone. They detached. They totally zoned in. It\u2019s what happens!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: The friend\u2014<\/p>\n<p>David: \u2014the friend.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014with the phone, detached.<\/p>\n<p>David: His group of younger graders, who were on that same team, made a pact: \u201cLet\u2019s wait until\u201d\u2014not only wait until eighth grade; \u201cWe\u2019re making a pact to not dive in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u201cWe don\u2019t want phones.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes; \u201cWe don\u2019t want phones,\u201d they said for a while. And that softened over time.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Of course.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, they saw it.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Meg: They did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: They saw the withdrawal.<\/p>\n<p>David: And I think everyone is seeing it in their age.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: I think one of the things we\u2019ve seen in all three of our kids who are old enough to have phones now\u2014they are 14 and up: the longer we waited for something, the more they begin to see it for what it really was.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, we waited until 16 because of friends who had done the research, who are solid resources, like Axis. There\u2019s a lot of data out there about what kids brains\u2014\u201cAt least, wait until 16,\u201d which feels like an eternity in some contexts. \u201cAre you kidding me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then, as you do that\u2014this was your question, Ann, \u201cHow do you provide limits?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: We didn\u2019t say, \u201cOkay, when you turn 16, you get a free-for-all pass to anything.\u201d We were like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to stay open-minded and keep seeking the Lord; but we know we\u2019re probably going to stick with: \u2018We\u2019re not going to have a conversation about really going into social media until you are that age,\u2019\u201d just based on research and other wise people that we had seen.<\/p>\n<p>For our son, he got one social media app. After about four weeks, he was like, \u201cThis is not even worth my time.\u201d He ended up getting off of it. [Laughter] I think it\u2019s because, the longer you wait, you see other people interacting in that space\u2014I remember, at one point, he was like, \u201cMy friends are spending like five hours, sending pictures of their forehead to each other.\u201d That\u2019s what Snapchat\u00ae had become.<\/p>\n<p>I think our daughter has seen just how people can start to feel left out when they see their friends post places where they were, or things like that. It\u2019s kind of like, \u201cDo I want to be seeing that all the time?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Talk to the parent who is saying, \u201cMy 12-year-old daughter\u201d\u2014or 13-year-old, whatever age\u2014\u201cI can hardly stand the bombardment and pressure she\u2019s putting on me. It\u2019s constant.\u201d I think, often\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014for a phone, for social media.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes! Often, a parent just caves, like, \u201cI can\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And then, we\u2019ve heard parents say, \u201cBut I really regret it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How do you get that child to lay off the pressure on you?<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Keep having those conversations; keep listening, with grace. These are decisions we have to make for our kids and their heart; what we\u2019re choosing to expose them to or not. We wouldn\u2019t allow them to go in certain places that would be dangerous for them in the physical world. Allowing them into those places in the social media, or the internet, or the phone world, we have to recognize it\u2019s the same.<\/p>\n<p>And then, the other thing: The Social Dilemma is a documentary on Netflix\u00ae. We watched that with our kids. It impacted them pretty deeply. When you hear the person who created the \u201cLike\u201d button on Facebook\u00ae say that he is lobbying Congress, now, to put major limits\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014yes\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Meg: \u201cThis is not healthy for our kids. It was never intended to become something that would lead to depression and suicide. We have to get honest about this.\u201d When you hear those people saying those kinds of things, and that they don\u2019t let their kids use any of that stuff until 16, or even 18, it sinks in, even for a 12-year-old.<\/p>\n<p>David: I would say we\u2019ve had to repeat the destination:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe destination is, I want you to have a phone; you\u2019re going to. I want you to do it well. I make mistakes; I get down rabbit holes; I get my dopamine hits.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is one of the best places to become more like Jesus. It\u2019s one of the most visual, moment-by-moment, daily, minute-by-minute things we do: be connected to our phones. It\u2019s actually one of the most shaping things in discipleship for us\u2014let\u2019s own it as adults\u2014and for our kids, especially as they are shaped<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHey, I am all in for you having a phone and for you, likely, being on social media, if that\u2019s what you choose to do. I\u2019m here for that journey. Here\u2019s where our journey starts, based on some of these realities.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For us, that meant eighth grade for an iPhone, and that was with limitations. We took Safari\u00ae off\u2014there\u2019s great\u2014Apple\u00ae has responded. It\u2019s hard to do, but Apple has responded, where you can set up some significant limitations, and layer in access to Safari later, etc.; And then, social media [not] until 16.<\/p>\n<p>The data is out there. They may not like it, and yet, you\u2019re giving them the destination of: \u201cI want you to be like Jesus with everything you\u2019ve got. And your phone is going to be part of your world. It is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: We\u2019re going to hear some more from Ann, here, in just a second with some practical application on what we\u2019ve heard today. But first, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>You know, FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported ministry. We want you to make your mark and be part of FamilyLife\u2019s mission of impacting lives through Christian teaching and family support. This is August, officially, and our goal this month is to raise $250,000 in new funds by the end of this month in order to support FamilyLife\u2019s initiatives and reach our fiscal year-end goal.<\/p>\n<p>You can make your mark by being a part of what we\u2019re doing. Link arms with us and be a part of the mission of reaching families and making every home a godly home. And when you do make a donation of any amount, we\u2019re going to send you a FamilyLife pen, along with a copy of Brant Hansen\u2019s Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better. It\u2019s a brand-new, updated resource from one of our favorites, Brant Hansen.<\/p>\n<p>Again, we\u2019re going to send you a copy of his book when you make a donation of any amount and become a part of the solution, here at FamilyLife Today. You can go online to make your donation at FamilyLifeToday.com or look for our link in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d And thank you so much for being a part of this ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, here\u2019s some practical application from Ann on what we\u2019ve heard today:<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m just thinking of parents listening to this\u2014I\u2019m thinking of mom\u2019s listening. Share this with your friends! I love this picture of getting together with a couple friends, maybe four friends, and being committed to praying for your kids.<\/p>\n<p>Meg: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I had that with my friends, where we just sent out prayer requests at the beginning of the year, and all through the year, because we don\u2019t need to do it alone. God is with us; but man, to have some friends who are partnering with us\u2014that helps, too. This has been great.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it has been great. And I tell you, one image I can\u2019t get out of my mind, that I would love parents to have in their mind, of all the things we talked about today,[is] if your kid is anxious, sit in the car, skip first period\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014not every day! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Not every day.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014not every day\u2014yes, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to go to school.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: \u201cWe do hard things, and\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But I mean, be present in that scary moment for them. It will pass, but they need a parent who\u2019s there; not giving all the answers, just saying, \u2018Let\u2019s take a deep breath\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014and \u201cI\u2019m with you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\u201cand decompress.\u201d That\u2019s what God does. I think that would be a great moment for you, as a parent, maybe, just living that moment with your child.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Now, coming up tomorrow, we\u2019re in back-to-school season. David and Meg Robbins are going to be back with some practical tips for managing stress and trusting God in this season where our kids head back to school. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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