{"id":281477,"date":"2024-06-26T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-06-26T11:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars\/"},"modified":"2024-11-19T04:15:02","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T09:15:02","slug":"help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars\/","title":{"rendered":"Help! Someone I Love is Bitter: Stephen Viars"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Relating to a bitter person can feel exhausting, even defeating. How can you love them without losing your happiness&#8230;or sanity? Author Stephen Viars weighs in.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you question your purpose? Barbara Rainey shares how she was questioning who she was after leaving leadership roles and how she found her purpose.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/5822fc1f-5e6c-43b2-8c20-b18d01526c18\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:19","filesize":"23.22M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2700],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9749],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-281477","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-whats-my-purpose-in-life","cwp_profile-stephen-viars","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/281477\/help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/281477\/help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lIi2WLzQGN\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars\/\">Help! Someone I Love is Bitter: Stephen Viars<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/help-someone-i-love-is-bitter-stephen-viars\/embed\/#?secret=lIi2WLzQGN\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Help! Someone I Love is Bitter: Stephen Viars&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lIi2WLzQGN\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["5822fc1f-5e6c-43b2-8c20-b18d01526c18"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/5822fc1f-5e6c-43b2-8c20-b18d01526c18\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:25:19"],"filesize":["23.22M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with Stephen's church ministry at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.faithlafayette.org\/\">faithlafayette.org<\/a> and stay connected at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org\/\">biblicalcounselingcoalition.org<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Discover the secret sauce of great marriages and the importance of respect and communication in relationships. Join the <a href=\"http:\/\/lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise for 2025!<\/a> Promo code: \"SEAS25\" for discounts<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-06-26.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nHelp! Someone I Love Is Bitter\r\n\r\nGuest:Stephen Viars\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Overcoming Bitterness (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:June 26, 2024\r\n\r\nDave: Okay, one of my big theme ideas in 30 years of preaching had something to do with bitterness. \r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, yes; memorable.\r\n\r\nDave: Let\u2019s see if you even know. Does the wife of the pastor listen to the pastor\u2019s sermons?\r\n\r\nStephen: Oh, no!\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nDave: One of my big theme ideas in 30 years of preaching\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014does it begin with the word \u201cpain\u201d?\r\n\r\nDave: You can start with pain.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cPain will make you\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014\u201ccan make you\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014\u201cbetter or bitter.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Am I right?! \r\n\r\nDave: Yes, something like that. It\u2019s usually \u201ctrials\u201d or \u201cadversity\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014\u201ctrials\u201d; that\u2019s it!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014depends what the theme is that week. You know, valleys, but really, pain, trials\u2014you have a choice. It\u2019s going to be part of your life one way or another.\r\n\r\nAnn: Pain and trials will be a part of all of our lives. \r\n\r\nDave: You can allow God to use it, and you become better, or you become bitter. Whenever I preach on that, and I\u2019ve done it many times over the years, I\u2019ll ask the audience: \u201cDo you know more bitter people, or do you know more better people?\u201d Guess what the answer always is!?\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cBitter.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cMore bitter.\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s interesting.\r\n\r\nDave: People don\u2019t handle bitterness well. It could be the exact same trial in one person, and you\u2019re like, \u201cHow are they better? How are they\u2026?\u201d And this [other] person went through the same thing, and you don\u2019t even want to be near them. They\u2019re mad at their spouse; they\u2019re mad at their life; they\u2019re mad at God. \r\n\r\nBitterness is a part of all of our lives. We\u2019ve got Steve Viars back with us today. He wrote a book called Overcoming Bitterness. Every person wants to overcome bitterness and actually get from hurt to a life filled with joy.\r\n\r\nAnn: Steve\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014welcome back. Glad to have you here. \r\n\r\nStephen: It\u2019s really been a privilege talking with you folks.\r\n\r\nDave: I mean, your insights on this topic; they\u2019re life-changing. It isn\u2019t like, \u201cOh, this is something some people deal with.\u201d We all do. \r\n\r\nI told you before, when I was reading your book, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I thought I was done\u2014[Laughter]\u2014with the bitterness in my life.\u201d And it rose up, like, \u201cOh, there are triggers that still come to overcome.\u201d We\u2019ve got to keep talking about: \u201cHow we do we get through it?\u201d \r\n\r\nOne of the things I love about your book\u2014and I love about you as a pastor in Indiana\u2014Faith Church, right?\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, in Lafayette.\r\n\r\nDave: Lafayette, Indiana. You\u2019re married with kids and grandkids, so you know life and carrying all that as well. But you\u2019re a biblical scholar. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: I love the way you use the Word of God to say: \u201cThe answers are here. Let\u2019s walk through.\u201d I think it would be fun today to walk through a story in Scripture that gives us a model of: \u201cHow do we overcome bitterness?\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: I think the Word of God is so rich and so filled with hope. Don\u2019t you love the fact that one of the names that God chooses for Himself in the Word of God is the God of Hope?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: Any of us who are struggling with bitterness\u2014a little or a lot today\u2014we don\u2019t have to be hopeless people, and that\u2019s why, because we have a powerful Savior. We have a God of hope. \r\n\r\nI really appreciated when you were talking, Dave, about your preaching ministry and how you would say that trials can either make you better or they can make you bitter. That\u2019s rich theology right there, because the world in which we live, many times, gives the suggestion: \u201cWell, you are a product of your circumstances, and you have very little choice in the matter.\u201d So, you\u2019re a passive victim of what other people have done to you; and because you have faced certain hardships in your life, you have to be a bitter individual.\r\n\r\nThe more we understand the biblical view of man\u2014we were made in the image of God. We\u2019re not animals, so life is not determinative. We\u2019re not passive victims; we\u2019re active worshipers. The way we choose to respond to the difficulties of our life reveals the identity of our functional God: \u201cAre we really willing to trust Jesus Christ? Are we trusting in His resources, in His sovereignty, even when it\u2019s hard?\u201d So, it is true, from cover to cover in the Word of God, that it is possible to handle difficulties in a way that results in you becoming something other than bitter. What hope is there in all of that?\r\n\r\nOne of the stories is the story of Naomi in the book of Ruth. God\u2019s a story-teller!\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: And we all love a story. A significant percentage of our Bible is filled with narratives, with stories,--\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014right\u2014\r\n\r\nStephen: \u2014which tells us our God loves us. He wants us to taste what they tasted; He wants us to feel what they felt\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014to smell it.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, to smell it. He wants us to believe it. \r\n\r\nNaomi\u2019s story starts in a very hard place, because she and her husband and their two sons are facing a famine. They lived in Bethlehem, which in Hebrew means \u201cHouse of Bread.\u201d So, what an incredible metaphor there, that there was a famine. Their family decides to go to Moab. There\u2019s no commentary in the book of Ruth about whether that was a good decision on the part of the husband or a bad decision; they just went to the country of Moab. And then, the sons marry Moabitess women. There, again, is no commentary about whether that was a good thing or a bad thing; that\u2019s just what happened. \r\n\r\nThen the Scripture says\u2014and it\u2019s coming in rapid-fire succession, because all of this happens in Chapter 1\u2014that Naomi\u2019s husband and both of her sons died. I realize I might be talking to one of your listeners today, and they know the pain of death.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nStephen: So, I\u2019m not just telling a story without thinking. I\u2019m undoubtedly bringing up all sorts of hurt and memories for so many who have experienced death in all sorts of ways.\r\n\r\nNow, you have Naomi\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014which I\u2019m just going to say, as a woman, to lose both of your children and your husband, you are left desolate. This would be the lowest of lows that a person could be.\r\n\r\nStephen: Well, especially in that culture. \r\n\r\nAnn: Exactly.\r\n\r\nStephen: You talk about being vulnerable\u2014of danger\u2014that was it, in that culture, for sure.\r\n\r\nWhat\u2019s interesting is, Naomi\u2014she was the Jewish woman; so, she was the one, of those who were left, that should have been leading her daughter\u2019s-in-law to some degree of faith. If anybody was going to be the godly person, you would have thought it was going to be Naomi, which was the point. Because regrettably, what Naomi did [was], she said to her daughters-in-law, \u201cGo back to your people\u201d\u2014and then, eventually, in Chapter 1 [of Ruth] is one of the most important phrases in the chapter\u2014\u201cand to your gods.\u201d \r\n\r\nShe was saying, as a Jewish woman, \u201cGod has let me down.\u201d In fact, she eventually says that: \u201cI left Bethlehem fullm and God\u2019s brought me back empty. Jehovah, the God of Israel, has let me down.\u201d \r\n\r\nOne of the daughters-in-law went back to her people and to her gods; but what is absolutely stunning, and filled with hope, is the remaining daughter-in-law, Ruth, says, \u201cNo.\u201d She makes a statement next that sometimes is used in weddings\u2014and I have to point out to the young couple: \u201cDo you realize the spouse died here? I\u2019m not sure this is really appropriate.\u201d [Laughter] It is a beautiful statement, where Ruth said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m going to stay by your side. Your people are going to be my people, and your God is going to be my God.\u201d [Ruth 1:16]\r\n\r\nSo, she saw something in her father-in-law; she saw something in her husband; or maybe even her brother-in-law that appealed\u2014or maybe even in Naomi; we don\u2019t know. But something gripped young Ruth, where she said, \u201cThe God of heaven is the only God worthy of my trust. Even if that means I\u2019m going to leave my people and my place, that\u2019s my God.\u201d That goes back to what we were saying: we\u2019re not passive victims; we\u2019re active worshippers. That was an act of incredible worship on the part of this young Moabitess woman.\r\n\r\nDave: How do you do that? Because earlier, you were talking about the phrase: \u201cGod has let me down.\u201d I think we\u2019ve all felt that at some point; it\u2019s a universal. Again, I can\u2019t say 100 percent, but most of us, at some point, have felt that. Often, we\u2019ve never said it; we\u2019re afraid to say it.\r\n\r\nStephen: You\u2019re right. \r\n\r\nDave: But it\u2019s like, \u201cGod let me down. I really thought\u2026\u201d And yet, [says], \u201cThat God, I\u2019m going to worship.\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, Ruth didn\u2019t have access to the level of truth that you and I do.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: We have the cross. We have the shed blood of Jesus Christ. Listen, a God who would send His only Son, doesn\u2019t let me down. \r\n\r\nYou asked, \u201cHow?\u201d I think the more I fill my life with the gospel\u2014the more I fill my life with the shed blood of Christ and His amazing grace, the less likely I\u2019m going to be to let a particular trial on a particular day, even if it might be big, cause me to change my view of who this God is. If the only thing He ever did for me was the cross, that\u2019s far more than I deserve. The older I get, and the more I understand my inherent sinfulness, Jesus is the One that I want to worship, for sure. I want to be more like Ruth.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nStephen: I want to have that kind of faith. \r\n\r\nNaomi says, \u201cListen, let\u2019s go back to Bethlehem.\u201d So now, it\u2019s Naomi, the Jewish mother-in-law, and her Moabitess daughter-in-law. They go back to Bethlehem. We\u2019re still in Chapter 1. [Laughter] What\u2019s fascinating is what happens next because, as they walk into town, some of the women, who would have known Naomi before, they said, \u201cHey, aren\u2019t you Naomi?\u201d \r\n\r\nYou have to ask yourself, \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t they have recognized her?\u201d Here\u2019s what I believe\u2014and this is just conjecture only\u2014I believe bitterness changes the way you look. \r\n\r\nAnn: I agree.\r\n\r\nStephen: I think you can look at certain people over time: \u201cThat\u2019s a bitter person.\u201d \r\n\r\nThere\u2019s no question, because of what happens next. Naomi says, \u201cDon\u2019t call me Naomi. Call me Mara.\u201d [Ruth 1:20] In other words, \u201cThe single word that defines my life the most is the word bitterness.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: It\u2019s become her identity.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, it\u2019s become her identity. Then she says, \u201cGod took me out of this country full, and He brought me back empty.\u201d \r\n\r\nWe were talking about Esau in a previous program, about how bitterness will make a liar out of you. Just think about what she said: \u201cGod took me out full?\u201d It was a famine! Then think about the other half: \u201cHe brought me back empty.\u201d Who\u2019s right by her side?!\r\n\r\nAnn: Ruth\u2019s like, \u201cHey, what about me?\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s exactly right! \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: I wish\u2014that\u2019s one of those\u2014when I get to heaven, I want to have that conversation, and I want to know what Ruth was thinking at that moment.\r\n\r\nAnn: But she was so engulfed in her bitterness that she saw nothing but her pain. \r\n\r\nStephen: The last thing I\u2019m going to do is be Naomi\u2019s judge.\r\n\r\nAnn: Right. \r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s not where I want to be at all. But thankfully, the book does not end in Chapter 1, does it? Because then, in Chapter 2, Naomi suggests that Ruth go out and glean. And Ruth\u2014that\u2019s fascinating that Ruth has enough confidence in the Old Testament Scriptures that she actually does that. \r\n\r\nAnd then, we know what happens, right? All of a sudden, Boaz comes, and what a beautiful picture of grace; what a beautiful picture of provision. We don\u2019t know all the issues about weights and measurements in the Bible, but when you look at how much barley Boaz provided for Ruth\u2014and what I love about Ruth; remember that first day, Ruth has her lunch. You can see it happening, because she\u2019s been living through a famine, right? All of a sudden, she has food, but then she wraps up the leftovers for Naomi. She didn\u2019t become bitter. The Moabitess becomes a woman of faith. She even wraps up the food for her mother-in-law, and she goes back and she tells Naomi what happened. \r\n\r\nAnd this is what I love about the story: I think Naomi\u2019s bitter heart started melting right then. So, praise God, there\u2019s hope in this! It\u2019s not like I say, \u201cI\u2019m a bitter person, and I\u2019m going to die that way.\u201d That is not true! A bitter person\u2019s heart can change. All of the sudden, Naomi is starting to see the provision of God: \u201cGod\u2019s keeping His promises. God is being good to us. God is providing for us.\u201d \r\n\r\nThen, of course, she comes up with this outlandish plan: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go down to the threshing floor?\u201d Naomi! How did we get from being a bitter woman, who has no trust in God, to the threshing floor and just believing in the process that God has placed in His Word to care for widows?\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019ve got to come back to this and say, too, \u201cGood for Ruth!\u201d \r\n\r\nStephen: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Because here\u2019s Naomi, this bitter woman. It would have been so easy to walk away from her. I think it took time for Naomi\u2019s heart to begin to soften, but Ruth continued to love her, to serve her, and to take her advice. \r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, and I think there\u2019s a teaching point there, because some of our listeners may say: \u201cListen, I have to live with a bitter person every day.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: \u201cSo, I\u2019m constantly hearing the negativity. I\u2019m constantly hearing the doubt. I\u2019m constantly hearing the disobedience to the Word of God.\u201d You can still be a Ruth; you can still be a sweet person. You can still exercise faith, even when you\u2019re surrounded by people who are bitter.\r\n\r\nAnn: Or your spouse!\r\n\r\nStephen: Oh, absolutely; absolutely. What ends up happening? The threshing floor experiment turned out really good, because God is a faithful God. \r\n\r\nI love the way the book ends, because God gives Boaz and Ruth a baby. What\u2019s fascinating is: okay, who\u2019s lap was that baby on when that book was done? It\u2019s not Ruth\u2019s\u2014it\u2019s mom-in-law, right? \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: Naomi is bouncing\u2014in fact, the women say, \u201cGod gave a baby to Naomi.\u201d They\u2019re saying that right there. It\u2019s like: \u201cWhat? What? What?\u201d Then you read the punchline\u2014just like the Bible so often does, the punchline\u2014when it gives the genealogy at the end and explains that that little baby was in the line of Christ. \r\n\r\nSomebody might say: \u201cWell, maybe God didn\u2019t know what He was doing during the famine,\u201d  or \u201cEven maybe God didn\u2019t know what He was doing during\u2026.\u201d \u201cGod doesn\u2019t know,\u201d \u201cGod doesn\u2019t know,\u201d \u201cGod doesn\u2019t know.\u201d Read the final pages of the book of Ruth. God knows exactly what He was doing, and He designed that so that that baby would be in the line of David and would be in the line of Christ. \r\n\r\nYou see Naomi. She\u2019s not a bitter woman anymore. We can all picture this happy grandma, bouncing this little baby on her lap, rejoicing in the provision of her God. What that means is a bitter person can become a joyful person as we grow in our faith in God and His provision. \r\n\r\nAnn: That is such a sweet story. It makes me cry thinking of the transformation that happened in the most unlikely way.\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: And through the greatest loss that anyone could experience. And yet, God still comes through when we trust Him. \r\n\r\nStephen: Amen.\r\n\r\nDave: I think, maybe, the lie sometimes we believe is [that] Naomi could get out of her bitterness because the circumstances became better, and that\u2019s what let her [change]. But it\u2019s not always the case. The circumstances can never change, or may not change, or may not become hopeful; you can dig out of bitterness. You can overcome and get to a life of joy. \r\n\r\nWhenever I preach that simple thought, \u201ctrials make you better or bitter,\u201d I always said, \u201cThe choice is yours.\u201d  \r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s right. \r\n\r\nDave: We have a choice. Some people choose bitter; some choose better. The circumstances did not change, but there\u2019s a joy that fills their heart because of a choice they make, right?\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes; and the great thing is that, if we\u2019re Christians, we\u2019re in Christ. So, it\u2019s not a choice I have to make by my own strength, my own wisdom, my own power. In Christ, I can choose to do, and think, and believe, and want what He desires in the moment. There\u2019s a power inside of me, because of who I am in Christ, that helps me choose well. \r\n\r\nDave: Right, and I do think\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014when you\u2019re Naomi, when you\u2019re living in bitterness, the voices you\u2019re listening to are critical. You need Ruths in your life. You need to choose them and push away the other bitter people, who are saying, \u201cYes, you should be in the\u2026\u201d You\u2019ve got to stop listening to those voices, because they\u2019re going to influence where you end up.\r\n\r\nStephen: Well, this is a hard thing; but one of the bitter voices you often need to stop listening to is your own.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: There we go.\r\n\r\nStephen: Many times, my hardest counselee is the guy I see in the mirror in the morning, so I need to stop listening to me, if I\u2019m saying words to myself that are not informed by the Word of God. Many times, they\u2019re lies; they\u2019re twisted. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to surround myself with godly people; that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to be in the Lord\u2019s house on the Lord\u2019s Day; that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to check whatever it is I\u2019m thinking with the truth of the Word of God; to check whatever I\u2019m wanting with the principles of Scripture.\r\n\r\nSometimes, I need to tell myself to be quiet. Since I\u2019m in a radio format, I\u2019ll just use the phrase, \u201cBe quiet.\u201d [Laughter] But I can think of other things I really need to tell myself, from time to time, or else I\u2019m just going to lead my own self down the path of bitterness.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes, it\u2019s the self-talk, the negative that\u2019s in there.\r\n\r\nAnn: I think, too, I\u2019ve just talked to two women this week, where their husband was caught in an affair; and they\u2019re just struggling with bitterness. I\u2019m thinking of another woman that I just talked to whose husband continues to battle, and he\u2019s trying to win, over pornography. I was talking to her and just feeling her heart become so bitter, like, \u201cHow many times do I need to forgive this man?\u201d\r\n\r\nI think, every single day, we\u2019re all faced with those decisions and the voices that we hear in our head. I think it\u2019s really important to take those thoughts captive. \r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, absolutely. You know, even when you give those little vignettes, I mean, our hearts break that, this side of heaven, men and women are facing. We\u2019re not minimizing\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the pain.\r\n\r\nStephen: \u2014the pain in any way, shape, or form; but we\u2019re saying: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to determine the outcome. Christ is more powerful than that.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: In your own life, you\u2019ve mentioned a couple times the journey to overcome bitterness. I know this isn\u2019t an autobiography book [Laughter]; but you\u2019ve, obviously, journeyed through that. Do you still, today, find it creeping in? \r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely; I think there\u2019s the opportunity for it every day. All of us travel, so that means it won\u2019t be long before I\u2019ll be on another airplane and in another airport. Anybody who travels understands it doesn\u2019t always go\u2014I mean, who knows what the rest of the day is going to hold when it comes to airline travel. We\u2019ve also been in those situations and watched bitter people make situations really bad; but the other side of it is, we\u2019ve been on airplanes, or in that situation, where you can see somebody have the right kind of response\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the beautiful grace-givers.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely! So, do I face it? Absolutely, I do; as an imperfect man in an imperfect world, yes! But praise God! We\u2019ve got a way to overcome it so that we\u2019re not bitter people. \r\n\r\nDave: Can I ask you to do this? I\u2019m thinking of a listener that\u2019s just stuck. They\u2019ve been listening through all these programs with you, and they\u2019re still like, \u201cI just don\u2019t know how to get out of the muck\/the mud of this bitterness I\u2019m in.\u201d Could you pray for them?\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, I\u2019d be happy to.\r\n\r\nDave: I\u2019d love to hear you just pray that they could find a way to overcome bitterness. \r\n\r\nStephen: \r\n\r\nFather in heaven, I thank You for every person who is listening to this prayer and though, this side of heaven, I will not know most of them, You know each person who is listening right now. You know every detail about their life. You even know the number of hairs on their head. Father, we thank You for Your sovereignty, and we thank you for being a good Father. \r\n\r\nLord, I would pray for the person who is stuck in bitterness right now. Some, who don\u2019t yet know Christ as Savior and Lord. I pray that they would admit their need, even in this hard time, and would choose to trust Him. \r\n\r\nLord, for those who would say that they\u2019re Christians, but that they\u2019re just stuck, Father. Some need to lament. I pray that they would learn the discipline of coming to You directly and authentically and speaking to You. \r\n\r\nOthers have a situation in their life where they really need to go and confront another person, but they\u2019ve not done it. Lord, I pray that You would allow them to bring others around their life that would give them the direction and the courage to take that step. Lord, I pray, though it\u2019s totally in Your hands, I pray that, in many cases, there would be genuine repentance and true forgiveness as a result. \r\n\r\nLord, though it\u2019s hard, I pray that You would help all of us to think about the times that we are bitter, but it really has to do with some sin that we committed, and we\u2019ve compounded it because we\u2019ve lied about it. Lord, that\u2019s so hard to think about, but where sin abounds, grace does much more abound. We thank You that You give us forgiveness, even when we have sinned. \r\n\r\nAnd Lord, we thank You, ultimately, that Jesus is a sweet, sweet Savior. I pray that the more we come to love Him and know Him, the less room there is in our hearts for even a hint of a root of bitterness. \r\n\r\nWe pray these things, worshipping You for making it possible, in Christ\u2019s name. Amen.\r\n\r\nAnn: Amen. \r\n\r\nShelby: There is, as we\u2019ve heard today, and the last two days with Stephen Viars, tremendous power in the gospel. Where we would once say, \u201cThere is no possibility for hope within relationships,\u201d Jesus can work miracles. I have been so encouraged by these conversations, and I hope and pray that you have, too.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Stephen Viars on FamilyLife Today. Stephen has written a book called Overcoming Bitterness: Moving from Life\u2019s Greatest Hurts to a Life Filled with Joy. This book gives honest insights and hopeful strategies to navigate through life\u2019s challenges and prevent bitterness from taking root in your heart. You can get a copy right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can find it in our show notes. Or just give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nYou know, at FamilyLife\u00ae, we have a podcast network. There\u2019s, of course, FamilyLife Today; there\u2019s my podcast, which is Real Life Loading; and there is Season Four of Married with Benefits, hosted by Brian Goins. He\u2019s joined, again, by Harvard-trained researcher and author, Shaunti Feldhahn. This season, they\u2019re talking about the surprising secrets of highly happy marriages; the little things that make a big difference. You can subscribe right no, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can head over to our YouTube channel to find Married with Benefits; just search for FamilyLife\u2019s Married with Benefits. \r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, what does it look like to explore transparent conversations as you navigate disappointment in your faith? Barbara Rainey is going to be here with Dave and Ann Wilson, emphasizing honest communication and biblical wisdom. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us. \r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\n"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-281477.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-281477.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 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you question your purpose? Barbara Rainey shares how she was questioning who she was after leaving leadership roles and how she found her purpose.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with Stephen's church ministry at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.faithlafayette.org\/\">faithlafayette.org<\/a> and stay connected at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org\/\">biblicalcounselingcoalition.org<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Discover the secret sauce of great marriages and the importance of respect and communication in relationships. Join the <a href=\"http:\/\/lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise for 2025!<\/a> Promo code: \"SEAS25\" for discounts<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-06-26.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nHelp! Someone I Love Is Bitter\r\n\r\nGuest:Stephen Viars\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Overcoming Bitterness (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:June 26, 2024\r\n\r\nDave: Okay, one of my big theme ideas in 30 years of preaching had something to do with bitterness. \r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, yes; memorable.\r\n\r\nDave: Let\u2019s see if you even know. Does the wife of the pastor listen to the pastor\u2019s sermons?\r\n\r\nStephen: Oh, no!\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nDave: One of my big theme ideas in 30 years of preaching\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014does it begin with the word \u201cpain\u201d?\r\n\r\nDave: You can start with pain.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cPain will make you\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014\u201ccan make you\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014\u201cbetter or bitter.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Am I right?! \r\n\r\nDave: Yes, something like that. It\u2019s usually \u201ctrials\u201d or \u201cadversity\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014\u201ctrials\u201d; that\u2019s it!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014depends what the theme is that week. You know, valleys, but really, pain, trials\u2014you have a choice. It\u2019s going to be part of your life one way or another.\r\n\r\nAnn: Pain and trials will be a part of all of our lives. \r\n\r\nDave: You can allow God to use it, and you become better, or you become bitter. Whenever I preach on that, and I\u2019ve done it many times over the years, I\u2019ll ask the audience: \u201cDo you know more bitter people, or do you know more better people?\u201d Guess what the answer always is!?\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cBitter.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cMore bitter.\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s interesting.\r\n\r\nDave: People don\u2019t handle bitterness well. It could be the exact same trial in one person, and you\u2019re like, \u201cHow are they better? How are they\u2026?\u201d And this [other] person went through the same thing, and you don\u2019t even want to be near them. They\u2019re mad at their spouse; they\u2019re mad at their life; they\u2019re mad at God. \r\n\r\nBitterness is a part of all of our lives. We\u2019ve got Steve Viars back with us today. He wrote a book called Overcoming Bitterness. Every person wants to overcome bitterness and actually get from hurt to a life filled with joy.\r\n\r\nAnn: Steve\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014welcome back. Glad to have you here. \r\n\r\nStephen: It\u2019s really been a privilege talking with you folks.\r\n\r\nDave: I mean, your insights on this topic; they\u2019re life-changing. It isn\u2019t like, \u201cOh, this is something some people deal with.\u201d We all do. \r\n\r\nI told you before, when I was reading your book, I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I thought I was done\u2014[Laughter]\u2014with the bitterness in my life.\u201d And it rose up, like, \u201cOh, there are triggers that still come to overcome.\u201d We\u2019ve got to keep talking about: \u201cHow we do we get through it?\u201d \r\n\r\nOne of the things I love about your book\u2014and I love about you as a pastor in Indiana\u2014Faith Church, right?\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, in Lafayette.\r\n\r\nDave: Lafayette, Indiana. You\u2019re married with kids and grandkids, so you know life and carrying all that as well. But you\u2019re a biblical scholar. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: I love the way you use the Word of God to say: \u201cThe answers are here. Let\u2019s walk through.\u201d I think it would be fun today to walk through a story in Scripture that gives us a model of: \u201cHow do we overcome bitterness?\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: I think the Word of God is so rich and so filled with hope. Don\u2019t you love the fact that one of the names that God chooses for Himself in the Word of God is the God of Hope?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: Any of us who are struggling with bitterness\u2014a little or a lot today\u2014we don\u2019t have to be hopeless people, and that\u2019s why, because we have a powerful Savior. We have a God of hope. \r\n\r\nI really appreciated when you were talking, Dave, about your preaching ministry and how you would say that trials can either make you better or they can make you bitter. That\u2019s rich theology right there, because the world in which we live, many times, gives the suggestion: \u201cWell, you are a product of your circumstances, and you have very little choice in the matter.\u201d So, you\u2019re a passive victim of what other people have done to you; and because you have faced certain hardships in your life, you have to be a bitter individual.\r\n\r\nThe more we understand the biblical view of man\u2014we were made in the image of God. We\u2019re not animals, so life is not determinative. We\u2019re not passive victims; we\u2019re active worshipers. The way we choose to respond to the difficulties of our life reveals the identity of our functional God: \u201cAre we really willing to trust Jesus Christ? Are we trusting in His resources, in His sovereignty, even when it\u2019s hard?\u201d So, it is true, from cover to cover in the Word of God, that it is possible to handle difficulties in a way that results in you becoming something other than bitter. What hope is there in all of that?\r\n\r\nOne of the stories is the story of Naomi in the book of Ruth. God\u2019s a story-teller!\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: And we all love a story. A significant percentage of our Bible is filled with narratives, with stories,--\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014right\u2014\r\n\r\nStephen: \u2014which tells us our God loves us. He wants us to taste what they tasted; He wants us to feel what they felt\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014to smell it.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, to smell it. He wants us to believe it. \r\n\r\nNaomi\u2019s story starts in a very hard place, because she and her husband and their two sons are facing a famine. They lived in Bethlehem, which in Hebrew means \u201cHouse of Bread.\u201d So, what an incredible metaphor there, that there was a famine. Their family decides to go to Moab. There\u2019s no commentary in the book of Ruth about whether that was a good decision on the part of the husband or a bad decision; they just went to the country of Moab. And then, the sons marry Moabitess women. There, again, is no commentary about whether that was a good thing or a bad thing; that\u2019s just what happened. \r\n\r\nThen the Scripture says\u2014and it\u2019s coming in rapid-fire succession, because all of this happens in Chapter 1\u2014that Naomi\u2019s husband and both of her sons died. I realize I might be talking to one of your listeners today, and they know the pain of death.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nStephen: So, I\u2019m not just telling a story without thinking. I\u2019m undoubtedly bringing up all sorts of hurt and memories for so many who have experienced death in all sorts of ways.\r\n\r\nNow, you have Naomi\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014which I\u2019m just going to say, as a woman, to lose both of your children and your husband, you are left desolate. This would be the lowest of lows that a person could be.\r\n\r\nStephen: Well, especially in that culture. \r\n\r\nAnn: Exactly.\r\n\r\nStephen: You talk about being vulnerable\u2014of danger\u2014that was it, in that culture, for sure.\r\n\r\nWhat\u2019s interesting is, Naomi\u2014she was the Jewish woman; so, she was the one, of those who were left, that should have been leading her daughter\u2019s-in-law to some degree of faith. If anybody was going to be the godly person, you would have thought it was going to be Naomi, which was the point. Because regrettably, what Naomi did [was], she said to her daughters-in-law, \u201cGo back to your people\u201d\u2014and then, eventually, in Chapter 1 [of Ruth] is one of the most important phrases in the chapter\u2014\u201cand to your gods.\u201d \r\n\r\nShe was saying, as a Jewish woman, \u201cGod has let me down.\u201d In fact, she eventually says that: \u201cI left Bethlehem fullm and God\u2019s brought me back empty. Jehovah, the God of Israel, has let me down.\u201d \r\n\r\nOne of the daughters-in-law went back to her people and to her gods; but what is absolutely stunning, and filled with hope, is the remaining daughter-in-law, Ruth, says, \u201cNo.\u201d She makes a statement next that sometimes is used in weddings\u2014and I have to point out to the young couple: \u201cDo you realize the spouse died here? I\u2019m not sure this is really appropriate.\u201d [Laughter] It is a beautiful statement, where Ruth said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m going to stay by your side. Your people are going to be my people, and your God is going to be my God.\u201d [Ruth 1:16]\r\n\r\nSo, she saw something in her father-in-law; she saw something in her husband; or maybe even her brother-in-law that appealed\u2014or maybe even in Naomi; we don\u2019t know. But something gripped young Ruth, where she said, \u201cThe God of heaven is the only God worthy of my trust. Even if that means I\u2019m going to leave my people and my place, that\u2019s my God.\u201d That goes back to what we were saying: we\u2019re not passive victims; we\u2019re active worshippers. That was an act of incredible worship on the part of this young Moabitess woman.\r\n\r\nDave: How do you do that? Because earlier, you were talking about the phrase: \u201cGod has let me down.\u201d I think we\u2019ve all felt that at some point; it\u2019s a universal. Again, I can\u2019t say 100 percent, but most of us, at some point, have felt that. Often, we\u2019ve never said it; we\u2019re afraid to say it.\r\n\r\nStephen: You\u2019re right. \r\n\r\nDave: But it\u2019s like, \u201cGod let me down. I really thought\u2026\u201d And yet, [says], \u201cThat God, I\u2019m going to worship.\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, Ruth didn\u2019t have access to the level of truth that you and I do.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: We have the cross. We have the shed blood of Jesus Christ. Listen, a God who would send His only Son, doesn\u2019t let me down. \r\n\r\nYou asked, \u201cHow?\u201d I think the more I fill my life with the gospel\u2014the more I fill my life with the shed blood of Christ and His amazing grace, the less likely I\u2019m going to be to let a particular trial on a particular day, even if it might be big, cause me to change my view of who this God is. If the only thing He ever did for me was the cross, that\u2019s far more than I deserve. The older I get, and the more I understand my inherent sinfulness, Jesus is the One that I want to worship, for sure. I want to be more like Ruth.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nStephen: I want to have that kind of faith. \r\n\r\nNaomi says, \u201cListen, let\u2019s go back to Bethlehem.\u201d So now, it\u2019s Naomi, the Jewish mother-in-law, and her Moabitess daughter-in-law. They go back to Bethlehem. We\u2019re still in Chapter 1. [Laughter] What\u2019s fascinating is what happens next because, as they walk into town, some of the women, who would have known Naomi before, they said, \u201cHey, aren\u2019t you Naomi?\u201d \r\n\r\nYou have to ask yourself, \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t they have recognized her?\u201d Here\u2019s what I believe\u2014and this is just conjecture only\u2014I believe bitterness changes the way you look. \r\n\r\nAnn: I agree.\r\n\r\nStephen: I think you can look at certain people over time: \u201cThat\u2019s a bitter person.\u201d \r\n\r\nThere\u2019s no question, because of what happens next. Naomi says, \u201cDon\u2019t call me Naomi. Call me Mara.\u201d [Ruth 1:20] In other words, \u201cThe single word that defines my life the most is the word bitterness.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: It\u2019s become her identity.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, it\u2019s become her identity. Then she says, \u201cGod took me out of this country full, and He brought me back empty.\u201d \r\n\r\nWe were talking about Esau in a previous program, about how bitterness will make a liar out of you. Just think about what she said: \u201cGod took me out full?\u201d It was a famine! Then think about the other half: \u201cHe brought me back empty.\u201d Who\u2019s right by her side?!\r\n\r\nAnn: Ruth\u2019s like, \u201cHey, what about me?\u201d\r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s exactly right! \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: I wish\u2014that\u2019s one of those\u2014when I get to heaven, I want to have that conversation, and I want to know what Ruth was thinking at that moment.\r\n\r\nAnn: But she was so engulfed in her bitterness that she saw nothing but her pain. \r\n\r\nStephen: The last thing I\u2019m going to do is be Naomi\u2019s judge.\r\n\r\nAnn: Right. \r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s not where I want to be at all. But thankfully, the book does not end in Chapter 1, does it? Because then, in Chapter 2, Naomi suggests that Ruth go out and glean. And Ruth\u2014that\u2019s fascinating that Ruth has enough confidence in the Old Testament Scriptures that she actually does that. \r\n\r\nAnd then, we know what happens, right? All of a sudden, Boaz comes, and what a beautiful picture of grace; what a beautiful picture of provision. We don\u2019t know all the issues about weights and measurements in the Bible, but when you look at how much barley Boaz provided for Ruth\u2014and what I love about Ruth; remember that first day, Ruth has her lunch. You can see it happening, because she\u2019s been living through a famine, right? All of a sudden, she has food, but then she wraps up the leftovers for Naomi. She didn\u2019t become bitter. The Moabitess becomes a woman of faith. She even wraps up the food for her mother-in-law, and she goes back and she tells Naomi what happened. \r\n\r\nAnd this is what I love about the story: I think Naomi\u2019s bitter heart started melting right then. So, praise God, there\u2019s hope in this! It\u2019s not like I say, \u201cI\u2019m a bitter person, and I\u2019m going to die that way.\u201d That is not true! A bitter person\u2019s heart can change. All of the sudden, Naomi is starting to see the provision of God: \u201cGod\u2019s keeping His promises. God is being good to us. God is providing for us.\u201d \r\n\r\nThen, of course, she comes up with this outlandish plan: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go down to the threshing floor?\u201d Naomi! How did we get from being a bitter woman, who has no trust in God, to the threshing floor and just believing in the process that God has placed in His Word to care for widows?\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019ve got to come back to this and say, too, \u201cGood for Ruth!\u201d \r\n\r\nStephen: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Because here\u2019s Naomi, this bitter woman. It would have been so easy to walk away from her. I think it took time for Naomi\u2019s heart to begin to soften, but Ruth continued to love her, to serve her, and to take her advice. \r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, and I think there\u2019s a teaching point there, because some of our listeners may say: \u201cListen, I have to live with a bitter person every day.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: \u201cSo, I\u2019m constantly hearing the negativity. I\u2019m constantly hearing the doubt. I\u2019m constantly hearing the disobedience to the Word of God.\u201d You can still be a Ruth; you can still be a sweet person. You can still exercise faith, even when you\u2019re surrounded by people who are bitter.\r\n\r\nAnn: Or your spouse!\r\n\r\nStephen: Oh, absolutely; absolutely. What ends up happening? The threshing floor experiment turned out really good, because God is a faithful God. \r\n\r\nI love the way the book ends, because God gives Boaz and Ruth a baby. What\u2019s fascinating is: okay, who\u2019s lap was that baby on when that book was done? It\u2019s not Ruth\u2019s\u2014it\u2019s mom-in-law, right? \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: Naomi is bouncing\u2014in fact, the women say, \u201cGod gave a baby to Naomi.\u201d They\u2019re saying that right there. It\u2019s like: \u201cWhat? What? What?\u201d Then you read the punchline\u2014just like the Bible so often does, the punchline\u2014when it gives the genealogy at the end and explains that that little baby was in the line of Christ. \r\n\r\nSomebody might say: \u201cWell, maybe God didn\u2019t know what He was doing during the famine,\u201d  or \u201cEven maybe God didn\u2019t know what He was doing during\u2026.\u201d \u201cGod doesn\u2019t know,\u201d \u201cGod doesn\u2019t know,\u201d \u201cGod doesn\u2019t know.\u201d Read the final pages of the book of Ruth. God knows exactly what He was doing, and He designed that so that that baby would be in the line of David and would be in the line of Christ. \r\n\r\nYou see Naomi. She\u2019s not a bitter woman anymore. We can all picture this happy grandma, bouncing this little baby on her lap, rejoicing in the provision of her God. What that means is a bitter person can become a joyful person as we grow in our faith in God and His provision. \r\n\r\nAnn: That is such a sweet story. It makes me cry thinking of the transformation that happened in the most unlikely way.\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: And through the greatest loss that anyone could experience. And yet, God still comes through when we trust Him. \r\n\r\nStephen: Amen.\r\n\r\nDave: I think, maybe, the lie sometimes we believe is [that] Naomi could get out of her bitterness because the circumstances became better, and that\u2019s what let her [change]. But it\u2019s not always the case. The circumstances can never change, or may not change, or may not become hopeful; you can dig out of bitterness. You can overcome and get to a life of joy. \r\n\r\nWhenever I preach that simple thought, \u201ctrials make you better or bitter,\u201d I always said, \u201cThe choice is yours.\u201d  \r\n\r\nStephen: That\u2019s right. \r\n\r\nDave: We have a choice. Some people choose bitter; some choose better. The circumstances did not change, but there\u2019s a joy that fills their heart because of a choice they make, right?\r\n\r\nStephen: Yes; and the great thing is that, if we\u2019re Christians, we\u2019re in Christ. So, it\u2019s not a choice I have to make by my own strength, my own wisdom, my own power. In Christ, I can choose to do, and think, and believe, and want what He desires in the moment. There\u2019s a power inside of me, because of who I am in Christ, that helps me choose well. \r\n\r\nDave: Right, and I do think\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014when you\u2019re Naomi, when you\u2019re living in bitterness, the voices you\u2019re listening to are critical. You need Ruths in your life. You need to choose them and push away the other bitter people, who are saying, \u201cYes, you should be in the\u2026\u201d You\u2019ve got to stop listening to those voices, because they\u2019re going to influence where you end up.\r\n\r\nStephen: Well, this is a hard thing; but one of the bitter voices you often need to stop listening to is your own.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: There we go.\r\n\r\nStephen: Many times, my hardest counselee is the guy I see in the mirror in the morning, so I need to stop listening to me, if I\u2019m saying words to myself that are not informed by the Word of God. Many times, they\u2019re lies; they\u2019re twisted. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to surround myself with godly people; that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to be in the Lord\u2019s house on the Lord\u2019s Day; that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to check whatever it is I\u2019m thinking with the truth of the Word of God; to check whatever I\u2019m wanting with the principles of Scripture.\r\n\r\nSometimes, I need to tell myself to be quiet. Since I\u2019m in a radio format, I\u2019ll just use the phrase, \u201cBe quiet.\u201d [Laughter] But I can think of other things I really need to tell myself, from time to time, or else I\u2019m just going to lead my own self down the path of bitterness.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes, it\u2019s the self-talk, the negative that\u2019s in there.\r\n\r\nAnn: I think, too, I\u2019ve just talked to two women this week, where their husband was caught in an affair; and they\u2019re just struggling with bitterness. I\u2019m thinking of another woman that I just talked to whose husband continues to battle, and he\u2019s trying to win, over pornography. I was talking to her and just feeling her heart become so bitter, like, \u201cHow many times do I need to forgive this man?\u201d\r\n\r\nI think, every single day, we\u2019re all faced with those decisions and the voices that we hear in our head. I think it\u2019s really important to take those thoughts captive. \r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, absolutely. You know, even when you give those little vignettes, I mean, our hearts break that, this side of heaven, men and women are facing. We\u2019re not minimizing\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the pain.\r\n\r\nStephen: \u2014the pain in any way, shape, or form; but we\u2019re saying: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to determine the outcome. Christ is more powerful than that.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: In your own life, you\u2019ve mentioned a couple times the journey to overcome bitterness. I know this isn\u2019t an autobiography book [Laughter]; but you\u2019ve, obviously, journeyed through that. Do you still, today, find it creeping in? \r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely; I think there\u2019s the opportunity for it every day. All of us travel, so that means it won\u2019t be long before I\u2019ll be on another airplane and in another airport. Anybody who travels understands it doesn\u2019t always go\u2014I mean, who knows what the rest of the day is going to hold when it comes to airline travel. We\u2019ve also been in those situations and watched bitter people make situations really bad; but the other side of it is, we\u2019ve been on airplanes, or in that situation, where you can see somebody have the right kind of response\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the beautiful grace-givers.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely! So, do I face it? Absolutely, I do; as an imperfect man in an imperfect world, yes! But praise God! We\u2019ve got a way to overcome it so that we\u2019re not bitter people. \r\n\r\nDave: Can I ask you to do this? I\u2019m thinking of a listener that\u2019s just stuck. They\u2019ve been listening through all these programs with you, and they\u2019re still like, \u201cI just don\u2019t know how to get out of the muck\/the mud of this bitterness I\u2019m in.\u201d Could you pray for them?\r\n\r\nStephen: Absolutely, I\u2019d be happy to.\r\n\r\nDave: I\u2019d love to hear you just pray that they could find a way to overcome bitterness. \r\n\r\nStephen: \r\n\r\nFather in heaven, I thank You for every person who is listening to this prayer and though, this side of heaven, I will not know most of them, You know each person who is listening right now. You know every detail about their life. You even know the number of hairs on their head. Father, we thank You for Your sovereignty, and we thank you for being a good Father. \r\n\r\nLord, I would pray for the person who is stuck in bitterness right now. Some, who don\u2019t yet know Christ as Savior and Lord. I pray that they would admit their need, even in this hard time, and would choose to trust Him. \r\n\r\nLord, for those who would say that they\u2019re Christians, but that they\u2019re just stuck, Father. Some need to lament. I pray that they would learn the discipline of coming to You directly and authentically and speaking to You. \r\n\r\nOthers have a situation in their life where they really need to go and confront another person, but they\u2019ve not done it. Lord, I pray that You would allow them to bring others around their life that would give them the direction and the courage to take that step. Lord, I pray, though it\u2019s totally in Your hands, I pray that, in many cases, there would be genuine repentance and true forgiveness as a result. \r\n\r\nLord, though it\u2019s hard, I pray that You would help all of us to think about the times that we are bitter, but it really has to do with some sin that we committed, and we\u2019ve compounded it because we\u2019ve lied about it. Lord, that\u2019s so hard to think about, but where sin abounds, grace does much more abound. We thank You that You give us forgiveness, even when we have sinned. \r\n\r\nAnd Lord, we thank You, ultimately, that Jesus is a sweet, sweet Savior. I pray that the more we come to love Him and know Him, the less room there is in our hearts for even a hint of a root of bitterness. \r\n\r\nWe pray these things, worshipping You for making it possible, in Christ\u2019s name. Amen.\r\n\r\nAnn: Amen. \r\n\r\nShelby: There is, as we\u2019ve heard today, and the last two days with Stephen Viars, tremendous power in the gospel. Where we would once say, \u201cThere is no possibility for hope within relationships,\u201d Jesus can work miracles. I have been so encouraged by these conversations, and I hope and pray that you have, too.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Stephen Viars on FamilyLife Today. Stephen has written a book called Overcoming Bitterness: Moving from Life\u2019s Greatest Hurts to a Life Filled with Joy. This book gives honest insights and hopeful strategies to navigate through life\u2019s challenges and prevent bitterness from taking root in your heart. You can get a copy right now by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can find it in our show notes. Or just give us a call at 800-358-6329 to request your copy; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nYou know, at FamilyLife\u00ae, we have a podcast network. There\u2019s, of course, FamilyLife Today; there\u2019s my podcast, which is Real Life Loading; and there is Season Four of Married with Benefits, hosted by Brian Goins. He\u2019s joined, again, by Harvard-trained researcher and author, Shaunti Feldhahn. This season, they\u2019re talking about the surprising secrets of highly happy marriages; the little things that make a big difference. You can subscribe right no, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can head over to our YouTube channel to find Married with Benefits; just search for FamilyLife\u2019s Married with Benefits. \r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, what does it look like to explore transparent conversations as you navigate disappointment in your faith? Barbara Rainey is going to be here with Dave and Ann Wilson, emphasizing honest communication and biblical wisdom. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us. \r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/281477","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=281477"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=281477"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=281477"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=281477"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=281477"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=281477"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=281477"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}