{"id":280996,"date":"2024-06-18T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-06-18T09:10:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter\/"},"modified":"2025-04-30T12:00:11","modified_gmt":"2025-04-30T16:00:11","slug":"marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage&#8217;s Secret Sauce: Bryan &#038; Stephanie Carter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Picture this: lounging on a boat with endless food and drinks, just you and your spouse. Sounds dreamy, right? Bryan and Stephanie give you a sneak peak on what to expect from the 2025 Love Like You Mean It cruise. They also chat about marriage tips, like why respect and open communication is key for a strong relationship.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Imagine: boat, endless food, drinks, just you two. Bryan and Stephanie preview the 2025 Love Like You Mean It cruise, marriage tips included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/ba07095e-e28a-46f5-8590-b18d011651e3\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:09","filesize":"24.89M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-06-18 09:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2692],"podcast_series":[8767],"cwp_profile":[3635],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280996","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-open-communication","podcast_series-marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter","cwp_profile-bryan-and-stephanie-carter","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280996\/marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280996\/marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"nvxJ6V98TI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter\/\">Marriage&#8217;s Secret Sauce: Bryan &#038; Stephanie Carter<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marriages-secret-sauce-bryan-stephanie-carter\/embed\/#?secret=nvxJ6V98TI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Marriage&#8217;s Secret Sauce: Bryan &#038; Stephanie Carter&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"nvxJ6V98TI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Imagine: boat, endless food, drinks, just you two. Bryan and Stephanie preview the 2025 Love Like You Mean It cruise, marriage tips included.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Connect with Bryan Carter and catch more of his thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.concorddallas.org\/meet-our-pastor\">concorddallas.org\/meet-our-pastor<\/a>, and on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mrbryanlcarter\/\">Instagram @mrbryanlcarter<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Want to hear more episodes by Bryan and Stephanie Carter, <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/bryan-and-stephanie-carter\/\">listen here!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Discover the secret sauce of great marriages and the importance of respect and communication in relationships. Join the <a href=\"http:\/\/lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise for 2025!<\/a> Promo code: \"SEAS25\" for discounts<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-06-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Marriage's Secret Sauce<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Bryan and Stephanie Carter<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Marriage's Secret Sauce (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:June 18, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: Whether it\u2019s our careers, or whether it\u2019s our personal challenges, or financial challenges, or parenting challenges, or life\u2019s challenges, whatever it is; one of the greatest gifts is to have someone in your life that respects your worth and says, \u201cI believe in you. I know this is challenging. I know this is different, but I believe God is going to see you through this season, and I\u2019m right here beside you every step of the way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is FamilyLife\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right now, I\u2019m picturing us laying on our lounge chairs on the upper deck of the Love Like You Mean It\u00ae Marriage Cruise a few months back.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That was my favorite part of the cruise.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: The wind blowing through my hair. [Laughter] Well, I guess I don\u2019t have hair. That was your favorite part?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It was sort of a dream come true, to be on vacation in the sun in the Caribbean, but also focusing on our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: If that sounds good to you, let us invite you to the next Love Like You Mean It marriage getaway.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. You can sign up at FamilyLife.com, and you should sign up right now because there is a special deal going on, and you don\u2019t want to miss that deal.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Who doesn\u2019t want to be on a marriage cruise?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, and I\u2019m not even a cruise guy. I wouldn\u2019t pick a boat as my favorite vacation, but this is different.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It is.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s pleasure with purpose. It\u2019s really going to enhance your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019re going to give you an example of some of the talks that you might hear.<\/p>\n<p>Today, we\u2019re going to listen to Bryan and Stephanie Carter who gave a talk on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it was on our second night, on our cruise. If you don\u2019t know Bryan Carter, you should. He\u2019s on the FamilyLife Board of Directors. He\u2019s also a pastor\u2014for several decades down in Dallas\u2014of Concord Church.<\/p>\n<p>We sat way back in the back of this amphitheater as he and Stephanie gave a talk on the \u201cSecret Sauce to Great Marriages.\u201d I\u2019m not a sauce guy\u2014maybe barbeque sauce? maybe honey mustard?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: [Laughter] They do a great job of talking about, \u201cWhat is the secret sauce?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, and this is the secret sauce, so make sure you enjoy and take notes, because you are going to want to remember this one.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: We want to talk today about \u201cThe Secret Sauce to Great Marriages.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One of the things that we believe is incredibly important, one of the things that we are discovering about our own lives and our own marriage, is that there is an ingredient that is essential to your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Just like there may be some of you in this room that are great cooks, and you know how to put the right thing in at the right time to make that dish taste incredibly special, there is a secret sauce that, when you put it in your relationship, no matter what stage or what season you might be in, it is this secret ingredient, it is this secret sauce that is a game changer; and that secret sauce is respect.<\/p>\n<p>[There] is something about respect that helps transform and helps connect a relationship. Respect is the secret sauce of relationships. It is this respect that gives the soil for your relationship to grow stronger and healthier, because respect is foundational to long- lasting relationships.<\/p>\n<p>There are a couple of things I want to share with you. Here is the first one: it is in Genesis 1:27 that reads this way, \u201cSo God created mankind in His own image. In the image of God, He created them.\u201d What this simply means is that respect begins with the recognition that every person is created in the image of God. It\u2019s right here in Genesis 1. When God creates us, He stamps on us respect, because we are created in His image. He gave us unique capacities that no other creation has\u2014an intellectual capacity, a knowledge capacity, an emotional capacity, a spiritual capacity\u2014that allows us to connect with God, but also allows us to connect with others.<\/p>\n<p>And because we are in God\u2019s image, every single one of us deserves respect. As a matter of fact, respect is a deep-seated need that we have. We crave it! Every single one of us; because when God stamped us in His image it also means that we need respect to help value and celebrate the worth that God has put in each of us. When you married your spouse, you married a man or a woman in the image of God, that God had put His stamp on them in such a way.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the reality: we first of all have to recognize that we are worthy of respect; we have to recognize it begins with self-respect. Sometimes, it\u2019s hard to respect others when we don't respect ourselves. Sometimes, we have to look in the mirror and tell ourselves, \u201cYou are worthy. You are worthy, because God has a plan for your life. You are worthy, because you are \u2018fearfully and wonderfully made.\u2019 You are worthy, because God has a purpose on your life. You are worthy, because you are \u2018His workmanship.\u2019\u201d [Psalm 139, Ephesians 2:10]<\/p>\n<p>When we remind ourselves of our value to God, it then allows us to be able to love the person that God has connected us with in our lives. It starts there. Friends, it is this reality that all of us deserve respect. What I want to do for the rest of our time is to give you four ways to show respect in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Alright, number one: I need you to respect my worth. Respect means you accept somebody for who they are, even when they are different from you. Bryan and I are completely different.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: Oof!<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Completely opposite; completely. One of us is clean, one of us is dirty.<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: One of us is cheap, one of us likes to spend. Yes, we could go on.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: One of us is an introvert, one of us is an extrovert. One of us likes it cold, one of us likes it hot. One of us has a family that gets together every now and then; the other one of us, their family makes up holidays to get together.<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Not too much, not too much.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: I\u2019m sorry, I wasn\u2019t talking about you. They didn\u2019t know! They had no idea! You gave it away that it was your family. So, all of us are very, very different. She\u2019s from a military family, they\u2019ve lived in five states and a couple different countries. My mom lives in the same house I was born in.<\/p>\n<p>All of these differences, all of these expectations, and yet, somehow, we have to learn to respect each other\u2019s worth.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: In Matthew 4:18-22, Jesus picks some of His disciples. The people are not the ones people think would be picked, but he picked them. He picked a fisherman, tax collectors, and others because He respected people, saw worth in them, and believed in them. They ultimately will be the very ones that will become the foundation for the Church.<\/p>\n<p>I disciple a group of women at our church. I believe in discipleship. I would say this: some of us in here, whether you\u2019ve been married five years, ten years, twenty-five years\u2014we met a couple yesterday who\u2019ve been married fifty-seven years\u2014what you should be doing is discipling somebody, bringing somebody, walking\u2014somebody who\u2019s walking ahead of you, somebody walking beside you, and then, of course, you should be pulling someone from behind.<\/p>\n<p>This particular young lady is in her thirties. She just found out that she was going to be having twins. She was going to have three kids under two.<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: Oooh.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: I know you all are thinking, \u201cOoooh!\u201d Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, fast forward: she has a healthy delivery. The babies are doing great, she is doing great. I encouraged her: \u201cMake sure you\u2019re very honest with your husband about how you are feeling\u2014some of your fears. Let him know some of your fears with having twins, your fears facing post-partum. Let him know, because men don\u2019t know. He won\u2019t know unless you tell him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So, she is really honest with him, tells him everything that she is processing, and her fear\u2014her biggest fear was post-partum. Fast forward: they have a big family function. Family is there, and some of his family say some things to her, some disrespectful things. I had advised her by saying, \u201cDo not make the mistake I made. The mistake I made when I had conflict with my inlaws was that I would address them myself. Don\u2019t do that!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: \u201cIt does not end well.\u201d I said, \u201cLet your husband address it.\u201d She said, \u201cMy husband is never going to address this situation.\u201d I said, \u201cHe will. If you are honest with him and you pray about this, he will address it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Y\u2019all, he addressed it! His relatives said something very derogatory to her and questioned her, and he immediately addressed it and then said, \u201cYou cannot stay here. I have to protect my wife. I have to protect her. I do not want her to face anything that is going to cause her to go to post-partum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She called me later and told me, \u201cThis is what happened!\u201d Usually, she would have said something, or she would have acted out; but the fact that her husband saw her worth and heard her voice\u2014she asked, \u201cSo, all I have to do is pray and hold my tongue and be patient and let God do it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I replied, \u201cYes. I wish I\u2019d learned this the first year of my marriage. I\u2019m trying to help you now.\u201d [Laughter] The main thing is he saw her worth. He saw her worth, and he protected her and shielded her.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: When you respect my worth, there are four phrases that each of us need as couples to respect the worth of the one God has given us. Here\u2019s the first one: \u201cI\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When you say, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you,\u201d you are valuing the worth, you are valuing the spouse, you are valuing how God has wired them; you are valuing who they are. \u201cI\u2019m proud of you\u201d doesn\u2019t have to just be because of what they did. It can be, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you for how you are facing in life,\u201d or \u201c. . .how you are overcoming things.\u201d or \u201c. . .how you are working through these seasons.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Not only \u201cI\u2019m proud of you.\u201d Here's another one: \u201cThank you.\u201d When you invite \u201cthank you\u201d into your relationship, what you are doing is inviting that you respect that spouse. \u201cThank you for preparing dinner.\u201d \u201cThank you for getting this trip together for us.\u201d \u201cThank you for the way that you care for our kids and grandkids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s another one: \u201cI appreciate you.\u201d \u201cI appreciate you\u201d says, \u201cI see you. I celebrate who you are. I celebrate you as a gift to my life. I celebrate how you balance each other out, how we connect together.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the last one: \u201cI believe in you.\u201d When you say \u201cI believe in\u201d your spouse, what you do is give him or her the confidence, the boldness, the encouragement they need to live God\u2019s call and work on their lives.<\/p>\n<p>Life sometimes can beat us up. Whether it\u2019s our careers, or whether it\u2019s our personal challenges, or financial challenges, or parenting challenges, or life\u2019s challenges, whatever it is; one of the greatest gifts is to have someone in your life that respects your worth and says, \u201cI believe in you. I know this is challenging. I know this is different, but I believe God is going to see you through this season, and I\u2019m right here beside you every step of the way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is FamilyLife Today, and we are listening to a portion of the talk that Bryan and Stephanie Carter gave on the Love Like You Mean It cruise this past February. It was a great talk.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It was. There are some good principles in this talk that we can all apply to our marriages.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019re pretty passionate about this topic, too, aren\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; the secret sauce of respect. And they\u2019re only about halfway done; but I\u2019ll just remind you: sign up for the cruise! Go to FamilyLife.com, and you can jump in on a great deal to sign up for next year, because there will be more talks like this.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s go back to Bryan and Stephanie and hear more about their secret sauce.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: Not only \u201cRespect my worth,\u201d but here\u2019s Number Two: respect my voice.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s fascinating. Matthew 16:13-16 helps us to understand this value, that when you watch the ministry of Jesus, Jesus consistently respects and values people. One of the very things that attracts people to Jesus is that He values people. It doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s a tax collector, it doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s a widow, it doesn\u2019t matter whether it\u2019s children, it doesn't matter. He has this incredible gift. He respects and values people. \u201cRespect my voice.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We respect each other, we value each other, when we value the voice of our spouses. I have to be honest, there have been occasions where I have not always valued my wife\u2019s voice. There have been occasions in my life where I have had to grow in my marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Early in our marriage, for some reason or another, I mistakenly thought that, as a man, I was just supposed to give directions. I mistakenly thought that I was supposed to say it, and she was supposed to do it. Forgive me, I just thought\u2014I don\u2019t know, for whatever reason\u2014I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: I had these thoughts. I had these misconceptions about what it meant to be a husband. I had these misconceptions about what it meant to be a man. I didn\u2019t always value her voice. I would do stuff, and then just expect her to go along with it. I had to learn, I had to make some shifts; and she helped me. She was a great coach in my life.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Just a little bit. Just a little coaching.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: She helped coach me through some decisions and some things I would make, because I had to come to realize that in our relationship, I had to value her voice. She had to value my voice. Here\u2019s the thing: don\u2019t make that mistake. Don\u2019t walk into the room and just change the channel like they don\u2019t even matter in the room. Don\u2019t\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Or if we watch the football game, we watch the pregame, we watch the football game. Why do we have to watch Sports Center to get the recap?<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: We watched the whole thing! I have watched with you\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: \u2014respect her voice. Don\u2019t make the mistake\u2014don\u2019t spend a large sum of money without talking to her or talking to each other.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: Don\u2019t accept a job that has a move in it when you haven\u2019t had a conversation with your spouse yet. Don\u2019t pick the restaurant and tell her, \u201cListen, you just have to go with the flow today.\u201d Don\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t make a major decision about the kids, and then when the kids say, \u201cWell, Daddy told me I could do it, or Mommy told me\u2014,\u201d they blame you for the situation. Don\u2019t book the trip and then say, \u201cYou can deal with it later.\u201d Don\u2019t move your aunt or your mother or your brother or your dad or your cousin in the house and then tell them later.<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: These are all things not to do, right? These are just a few ways for you to respect their voice. Here are some things you want to do.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: Alright, these are some questions you need to ask before you are making a decision, or if you feel like you are about to disrespect your spouse.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat do you think about it?\u201d That\u2019s simple. \u201cHave you thought about it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Since I\u2019m married to a pastor, I always say this: \u201cHave you prayed about this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: \u201cI don\u2019t think the Lord is calling you to quit your job and go to seminary full- time.\u201d That was a fight in the first year of our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDoes that work for you?\u201d \u201cWhere do you want to go to eat?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: What if you say you don\u2019t want anything, and then you change your mind when I get my food, and you want my food?<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: That\u2019s when you share.<\/p>\n<p>Crowd: [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Bryan: Respect my words, respect me with my words. Respecting my voice means you don\u2019t try to minimize me or control me or ignore me. There\u2019s a temptation in all of us to be selfish, which means we want to hear our voice rather than the voice of our spouse. So, it\u2019s incredibly important to make a habit of asking: \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d or \u201cHow are you thinking?\u201d \u201cHow does that make you feel?\u201d \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The more we value their voice, the more we value our spouse.<\/p>\n<p>Stephanie: A couple of years ago, we were out with some college friends\u2014I went to the University of Oklahoma, he went to Oklahoma State, so, we are huge rivals. We were talking about work and careers. [For] this particular couple, he was between jobs. He was talking about his current job situation, and his wife\u2019s response was, \u201cThat\u2019s not a real job.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My heart just sank.<\/p>\n<p>Listen, your words matter. I feel like, no matter what season of marriage you are in\u2014whether you\u2019ve been married less than five years, or whether you\u2019ve been married fifty- plus years\u2014our job as a spouse is to be their biggest cheerleader. There are seasons when he is cheering me on, and there are seasons when I am cheering him on. The main thing is, no matter what season you are in, you\u2019ve got to be the biggest cheerleader.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019ll be getting dressed in the morning, and I\u2019ll say, \u201cOooh, you look great! That\u2019s cute.\u201d Or \u201cOh, babe, I know you\u2019re going to kill it today,\u201d or \u201cHey, babe, how can I pray for you today?\u201d \u201cI saw you in that meeting earlier. You did that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Listen, be their biggest cheerleader, because sometimes, when your spouse leaves the house, the only encouraging word they might hear is from you. You do not know what your spouse is walking into when they leave the home.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today, and we\u2019ve been listening to Bryan and Stephanie Carter giving a talk on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise, and their talk has been about the \u201cSecret Sauce to a Great Marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As I listen to Stephanie end that portion (we\u2019ll hear more tomorrow), I\u2019m just wondering: are you giving your spouse more words of encouragement than anyone else? I want to create an atmosphere in our home where the people who live there want to come back home. They want to be there because we see them, we believe in them, and we are speaking life to them.<\/p>\n<p>We are also speaking truth. That\u2019s what we do as parents, but I really would challenge you to even think today: what is the atmosphere of our home? Maybe, if you have teenagers, this is a hard one to ask them\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014I know what you are going to say.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014but ask them! \u201cWhat does it feel like to be home? Do you like being in our home? Do you feel like we are a place where we are giving encouraging words?\u201d I remember saying to our teenage son once\u2014I think he was probably fourteen, and I said: \u201cDo you know how proud I am of you?\u201d He said, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I was so shocked, because I felt so proud of him; but I think what he hears as a teenager is me telling him what he shouldn\u2019t be doing, what he still needs to still be doing, or what he hasn\u2019t done. I realized: \u201cMan, I need to speak those words to him,\u201d as well as to you, Dave. As parents, it feels like we are always training or disciplining, and we need to speak those words to our kids more than anybody.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; and I think there\u2019s a part of every human being, including us, where we are quicker to see the negative or the critical rather than the positive.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Or we see the positive, and instead of speaking it out and celebrating it and saying, \u201cI see this,\u201d we say nothing. I remember, early in our marriage\u2014remember this? You came into the room, and I thought to myself, \u201cYou look incredible.\u201d That\u2019s what I thought.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, no.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You asked me later.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I remember this, because we had little kids and I hardly\u2014I felt like I was in sweatpants every day and always looked bad; but I tried my best this one night, because we were on a date, so I got super dressed up, which was very unusual. I came down the stairs and, because this was so unusual, I thought you\u2019d say, \u201cWow!\u201d But you said nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I felt like, \u201cI must just look awfu!.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And then you asked me, at the end of the date, \u201cHey, did you think I looked nice?\u201d And I said, \u201cOh, my goodness! I was sitting down here when you came downstairs, and I thought, \u2018You are the most beautiful woman! I can\u2019t believe you are my wife.\u2019\u201d And you said, \u201cYou didn\u2019t think that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cToo late.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I said, \u201cYes, I did.\u201d And you asked, \u201cWell, why didn\u2019t you say it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBecause I\u2019m an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Guys, do you hear me? If you think something positive about your spouse, say it! Say it to your kids. If you think something negative, just keep it to yourself. Just zip your lips; don\u2019t say it.<\/p>\n<p>Respectful words, what the Carters were talking about, are something that doesn\u2019t come naturally, but when you do think it, speak it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It builds up a person. It builds up a home. It creates a fragrance that is like a magnet. Everybody wants to be around someone who speaks life.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And let me add one more thing: if you haven\u2019t signed up, now is the time. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up for the 2025 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019ll be there. See you then.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Bryan and Stephanie Carter from the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave and Ann were talking about that there at the end there. I\u2019ve been on the marriage cruise myself, and it is a phenomenal experience. The Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise is a getaway for married couples looking for several things: relaxation (does that sound like you?), renewal, romance, life-long memories, and reconnection with God in the midst of an environment you wouldn\u2019t ordinarily be in.<\/p>\n<p>Right now, you can book and save during our \u201cSeas the Savings\u201d sale; \u201cSeas\u201d as in S-E-A-S. You can use the promo code \u201cSEAS25\u201d to save big on a stateroom for the 2025 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. The sale actually ends on June 25th of this year. You can learn more at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call to learn more as well, at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Today, we got to hear from Bryan and Stephanie Carter, who spoke on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. We are going to get to hear from them again tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>Bryan has written a book called Made to Last: Eight Principles to Build Long Lasting Relationships. Does this sound like something every married couple needs? The answer is, \u201cYes!\u201d In his book, you can gain practical insights and actionable steps for building stronger and more fulfilling relationships in your life. You can check out Bryan\u2019s book, Made to Last, at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can find it in our show notes. Or just give us a call; again, the number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, as I said, the Carters will be back, and they will be talking about the importance of respect in marriages for both men and women. That\u2019s tomorrow. I hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280996","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280996"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280996"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280996"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280996"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}