{"id":280770,"date":"2022-08-18T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-18T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home\/"},"modified":"2025-05-15T14:50:57","modified_gmt":"2025-05-15T18:50:57","slug":"josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home\/","title":{"rendered":"Josh &amp; Jenn Mulvihill: 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In parenting&#8217;s daily grind, are you losing sight of the end game? Josh and Jenn Mulvihill unpack skills for every child to learn to thrive in faith and life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In parenting&#8217;s daily grind, are you losing sight of the end game? Josh and<a class=\"d-block py-2 read-more color-cyan small\" href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home\/\" title=\"Read more: Josh &amp; Jenn Mulvihill: 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home\" >Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/a74c205c-419d-4c75-8317-b1540121d4e2\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:58","filesize":"24.73M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2022-08-18 05:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2529],"podcast_series":[8551],"cwp_profile":[9670],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280770","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-skills-to-learn","podcast_series-josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home","cwp_profile-josh-and-jen-mulvihill","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280770\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280770\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HDlRF9uGr7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home\/\">Josh &amp; Jenn Mulvihill: 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/josh-jenn-mulvihill-50-things-every-child-needs-to-know-before-leaving-home\/embed\/#?secret=HDlRF9uGr7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Josh &amp; Jenn Mulvihill: 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HDlRF9uGr7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"In parenting&#8217;s daily grind, are you losing sight of the end game? Josh andRead More &raquo;","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"","transcript_content":"<p>Dave:<br \/>\nLord Jesus, thank You for today and this incredible topic that we get to talk about\u2014what a privilege\u2014but really a heavy responsibility to be parents, who are seeking to raise a godly legacy that honors You, knows You, expands Your kingdom.<\/p>\n<p>Lord, give us wisdom and direction as we talk about this that would really, really help people. I pray it would change homes and the way families are doing what they are doing. I pray it would inspire parents with a new grander vision of who they are and what they are about, and it could really create godly legacies that would change the world. We give this to You and ask You to lead us. In Jesus\u2019 name, amen.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife\u00ae app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014Today.<\/p>\n<p>I have asked, I would guess, hundreds of parents\u2014as a pastor, they come up after a service or something; we\u2019re talking\u2014I\u2019ve asked them: \u201cWhat\u2019s your goal? What\u2019s your plan? As a parent, what are you hoping to raise, as your sons or daughters become adults?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Guess how many\u2014give me a percentage\u2014I\u2019m asking you:\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\"How many percentage of parents said, \u2018I have a plan\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ten?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I think it\u2019s three.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Really?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I don\u2019t know an actual percentage; and there I was, asking you for one. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m thinking, if my parents\u2014like: \u201cDid my parents\u2026\u201d\u2014no, they didn\u2019t have a plan. I\u2019m thinking of us, as young parents\u2014we\u2019re barely surviving the day\u2014let alone, having a plan.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, as we sat down\u2014when we were young parents, and it was crazy\u2014we did decide: \u201cWe have to have an idea of what we\u2019re trying to do\u201d; right? Well, we needed help. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Now, we\u2019ve got help in the studio today! We\u2019ve got a couple who wrote a book about this; and when you write a book, that means you are an expert; right? [Laughter] We\u2019ve got Josh and Jen Mulvihill in the studio\u2014wrote a book about this, which we will get into in a second\u2014but let me ask you the same question: \u201cHave you asked other parents, and do you find that parents have a plan?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Josh: I have; and as a pastor, was shocked when I found out that many did not\u2014nothing against them\u2014but many just weren\u2019t raised with that as a role model; so just went into their parenting, doing what they were raised with.<\/p>\n<p>I had a very good role model of parents, who had great intentionality. I thought that was the norm only to learn that it wasn\u2019t. [Laughter] Oh man!\u2014that partially is what, many years ago, launched my desire to put a resource like this in people\u2019s hands, recognizing that it wasn\u2019t something that many had implemented in their homes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s kind of that idea in that quote: \u201cIf you aim at nothing, you will hit it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Josh: \u2014\u201cevery time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014\u201cevery time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jen: \u2014\u201cevery time\u201d; yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You guys have been on FamilyLife Today before. You\u2019ve been several times, actually; you\u2019ve written several books.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019ve even written a grandparenting book.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: \u2014seven of them!<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re not grandparents!<\/p>\n<p>Josh: No, I know!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But obviously, you\u2019ve had a vision and a passion for family and parenting. This one is really\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014it\u2019s beautiful.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014it\u2019s a glorious\/it\u2019s just a beautiful book\u201450 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home: Raising Children to Godly Adults. You wrote it together.<\/p>\n<p>Tell us a little a bit about yourselves; you\u2019ve got a few kids.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes, yes. We live in Minnesota. We have five kids; and yes, it\u2019s been a joy to raise them and work with them. We\u2019ve been married for 21 years\u2014and by the grace of God, hopefully, many, many more\u2014but yes, we are excited to minister to families. Our first priority is to minister to our own family\u2014so just walking alongside them, discipling them\u2014but doing it in a way that is intentional and with a plan.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: That\u2019s the end goal. At the end of the day, that\u2019s what we really want to see: is our kids operating in the areas that God has called them to and living for Him. Of course, when that doesn\u2019t happen for us, as parents, there is a lot of heartache there. There is a lot we can do today, on the preventative and the intentional side, to help our kids love Jesus Christ and serve Him. That\u2019s our heartbeat; that\u2019s our passion. This book is one of the tools towards that end, hopefully.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And in some ways, it sounds like your passion\u2014you sort of gained that from your parents\u2014you mentioned earlier they were very intentional. I was shocked by your story of when you went to lunch, I think?\u2014or something when you were 17 years old.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: So my parents were in full-time ministry, 37 years, with Cru\u00ae. When I was 17, in between my junior and senior year, my parents invited us out for breakfast\u2014actually, me out for breakfast\u2014and slid a piece of paper across the table to me and said, \u201cYou are leaving in about nine months for college, and we want to make sure that we have accomplished some specific things in your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I looked at this piece of paper; and on it were all kinds of things from my childhood and my teen years; I had never seen it before. There were things like spiritual habits, and character traits, and life skills, and just things that some of them were scriptural commandments; but many of them were just parenting preferences. They had checkmarks and dates next to them, as they had worked through them, over the years, with me.<\/p>\n<p>I remember looking at it, thinking, \u201cOh man! I remember when we did that manners thing: like how to set a table, how to sit at a table, how to shake a hand, look somebody in the eyes, how to enter a room, how to even do laundry, and how to study the Bible.\u201d Some of them were just practical life kinds of things.<\/p>\n<p>They asked, \u201cIs there anything on this list that you don\u2019t think we\u2019ve accomplished?\u201d It was essentially kind of their asking me to assess their parenting. I remember looking over the list, and there was one\u2014it was small engine repair\u2014I remember saying, \u201cYou know that\u2019s not happening. [Laughter] That\u2019s just\/I\u2019m not wired that way.\u201d They crossed it off the list. It really goes to show just how they were working on that, over the years, with us as kids; so the last nine months, they put some finishing touches on it, launched us. They did the same with my siblings.<\/p>\n<p>I remember I went back to my dad, not too long ago; and I said, \u201cDo you still have that?\u2014because I go out and speak on this; and people are like, \u2018I\u2019d love to see that list.\u2019\u201d He doesn\u2019t; he\u2019s like, \u201cIt\u2019s probably in a file somewhere, but I can\u2019t find it.\u201d I just thought that was the norm for families that parents were intentional, to some degree, like that\u2014only realizing, as a pastor\u2014that\u2019s not often the case.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m sitting over here, smiling; because I\u2019m like,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I am shocked!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\"I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever met a parent, who is that intentional.\u201d Part of me is like: \u201cThat is inspiring\u201d; the other part of me is like: \u201cThat is scary,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I am depressed in a way. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014\"because I think I can\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: If I slid over a piece of paper to our sons, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat would I have put on it?\u201d; we were intentional of some things. I do remember going to visit our oldest son in college\u2014he was rooming with some guys in a house\u2014I walked in, like, \u201cThis place is a pigsty.\u201d [Laughter] Then I go home; and I say to the younger brothers in the house: \u201cYou guys,\u201d\u2014they had chores, growing up\u2014\u201cyou are cleaning your rooms!\u201d \u201cYou are changing the sheets,\u201d \u201cYou are cleaning the bathroom. I need to see that you can clean the toilet and do it really well.\u201d They hated it; but I did feel like: \u201cOh, I have not equipped them for something as simple as knowing how to clean something well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Is it possible for parents like us\u2014I not saying we\u2019re not clueless\u2014but we\u2019re not as intentional as your parents. I mean, that\u2019s\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We\u2019re not great planners.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That, in my mind, is like: \u201cWow. That\u2019s the top; that\u2019s a high bar,\u201d\u2014you know, sliding over a piece of paper, with dates and check marks, which is awesome\u2014but I\u2019m sure there are a lot of parents listening, who are like, \u201cWow; I don\u2019t think I could ever do it like that, but I could do it differently.\u201d So if you are not wired quite like that, how would you work this out as a parent?<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: That\u2019s Dave and Ann Wilson with Josh and Jen Mulvihill on FamilyLife Today. We\u2019ll hear their response in just a minute.<\/p>\n<p>Have you ever found yourself doom scrolling\u2014you know what I mean\u2014where you just keep seeing post after post of a world, basically, losing its mind. It\u2019s frustrating; isn\u2019t it? You start to feel like: \u201cSomeone needs to do something!\u201d Well, when you partner, financially, with FamilyLife, you are doing something: you are helping parents and families grow in God\u2019s Word and His plan for their lives. You are doing something by making a difference, one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>Today, when you give at FamilyLife, as our thanks, we\u2019ll send you a copy of Jennie Allen\u2019s book, Find Your People. It\u2019s our gift to you when you give at FamilyLifeToday.com or by calling 800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Alright; now, back to Dave and Ann\u2019s conversation with Josh and Jen Mulvihill, and what you can do to prepare your kids for life, even if you are not exactly as intentional or as organized as the Mulvihills.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: I think, many times, we don\u2019t have a plan when it comes to an area that matters the most.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: Whatever area of life that is, we\u2019re probably going to suffer for it. Let\u2019s just use a different area of life to compare:<br \/>\n\u2022 If it\u2019s in our finances, and we don\u2019t have a budget, you know we can get by; but we\u2019re going to be more impactful\/more effective if we have an idea\/a plan for our money.<br \/>\n\u2022 Same with retirement: none of us want to get to the day, when we are ready to move into that retirement age, and go, \u201cOh man! I didn\u2019t think about this at all\u201d; and now, I\u2019ve got a world of problems that I now need to sort through.<br \/>\n\u2022 Or even building a home\u2014I\u2019m sure you could build a house without any kind of blueprint or architectural plan\u2014but you are going to have some form of chaos.<\/p>\n<p>The same would be true with raising our kids, that: \u201cDo you need that level of intentionality?\u201d\u2014probably not\u2014but it is helpful to have some goals, some plan, some clarity about what we\u2019re aiming at, and some way to get at that end goal. So many of us\u2014we are on a path\u2014but are we on the right path? Is what we are doing on a daily basis actually helping us get to the end goal that we think we want or hope we want?<\/p>\n<p>One of the things I think I\u2019ve seen is that, many times, we have these misplaced priorities\u2014that we say one thing is really important: you know, we want our kids to know, love, and serve Jesus\u2014I bet everyone listening\/any Christian listening would say that is kind of the heart of what we are getting at. But then, we look at our calendar on a daily basis, and the things that we are doing: \u201cDo they help us actually accomplish that?\u201d Many times, there is just a miss there. So we\u2019ve put things on our calendar that, you know: they get our affection; they get our time; they get our energy\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014like sports\/\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Josh: Yes; you know, they are not bad things;\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014activities.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: \u2014but they do take us down a path, and they communicate something to our kids about what we think is most important.<\/p>\n<p>Not only do we need clarity on that, we also want to match that to the home\u2014that\u2019s where I think there is a miss on both of those sides of things\u2014the misplaced priorities and then the intentionality\/the planning at home.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Jen, did you guys have a plan? Did you write it out? How did that come about that you thought, \u201cOkay, we need to have a plan in place\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes, we did; we did. We started writing our own parenting plan when our oldest was, I think, one-year-old, I want to say.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ah, that\u2019s even more depressing.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: We sent him to my parents\u2019 house, and we took a weekend. We had no money; we were very, very poor. We stayed in this little cabin; it didn\u2019t even have a bathroom. We stayed there for a couple of nights.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How do you stay in a cabin with no bathroom?<\/p>\n<p>Jen: It was like a rural Minnesota\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Josh: It was a very rural place.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014so the woods.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: You\u2019d have to walk to a little outhouse thing.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: The pedestal that I have you on just keeps getting higher. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jen: But we just took a weekend to be together\u2014and to think big picture\u2014and think about: \u201cWho are these young people we are raising?\u201d We had this little one-year-old guy, who is such a blessing and such a joy. We took a couple of days to just throw it all out there, and to make sure we are on the same page, and talk about: \u201cWho are these young people? What do we want to see at the end?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We stayed up late and talked. I mean, we wrote out just pages, and pages, and pages of: \u201cWhat does it look like? What do we want our children to know spiritually, and how do we want them to interact with others relationally? What skills do we want them to know to fly the coop, and have those skills to live on their own?\u201d We started\/we started very big picture and just threw it all out there.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: What would we do on a yearly basis?<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes, yes, yes; we started. And then, now, every year, what we do is we take a weekend\u2014or a day, depending on the schedule\u2014we\u2019ve had seasons, where\/we have five children, so it takes a special person to be able to come and to watch five children for a weekend. Some years, we would go away; and we would find a cozy spot, and we\u2019d talk through what we doing with our kids for the year. Sometimes, we would take a day. Practically, what that looks like is: we spend time assessing the prior year; and we discuss our children as individuals.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So you go through each child.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: We go through each child; yes. We\u2019ll talk about each one: \u201cWhat has their year looked like? What are we observing in them? What do we see the Lord doing in their life? What are some spiritual skills and things that we want to develop in them in the coming year?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did you guys ever fight about this?<\/p>\n<p>Jen: I don\u2019t think we ever have; no.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: I\u2019m trying to think\u2014one of the things that we talk about, when we encourage families\/couples to do this\u2014is that: \u201cYou are on the same team.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: \u201cWe need to set down our weapons. It\u2019s really easy to criticize; it\u2019s really easy to attack the other person\u2014especially if there is a challenge going on in the home or with any child individually\u2014that\u2019s a good reminder because it doesn\u2019t take much on these weekends. You make a snarky comment\u2014or you say something that, really, it just hurts the other person\u2014and it will change the entire dynamic.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m even thinking of the spouse, who is married to someone who maybe isn\u2019t quite on the same level, spiritually, maturity wise. I think it can be easy to think, \u201cWell, I know so much more.\u201d We can be almost condescending or belittling; but even though that could be true, each spouse carries a level of expertise and passion. Maybe, they didn\u2019t have it perfect, growing up; but because they didn\u2019t have it perfect, they still have this dream of what it could have been.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think it\u2019s really good that you are listening to one another, and you are hearing each other; because you are different. You need both: the mom and the dad.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: As early parents, I mean\u2014let\u2019s see we were 20\/how old were we?\u201428\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jen: \u201428.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: \u2014we were 28 when we had our first child. I mean, we didn\u2019t\u2014we still don\u2019t know a lot\u2014but we didn\u2019t know a lot as 28-year-olds. The nice thing is it is helping us get on the same page as a couple; and many times, we have different priorities\/different visions for what we are working for with our children.<\/p>\n<p>I found that to be one of the most valuable things with Jen\u2014not only that\u2014we want to have fun on these times. I mean, this isn\u2019t all like sit down,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jen: It\u2019s not all like hard-nose planning; right? We have fun.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: We have fun, and build our relationship, and strengthen our marriage; but also just to get on the same page, as far as a parenting philosophy, because we could be all over the board. If we have two separate views of what we are working for in the home with our kids\u2014you know, kids are smart\u2014they know which parent to play; right? [Laughter] If we are not on the same page, as one in our parenting, that becomes problematic, down the road; so that, I found, is one of the most valuable pieces.<\/p>\n<p>But the assessment piece: \u201cHow are we doing as parents?\u201d Many times, we don\u2019t stop and truly look under the hood. If there are issues going on with any specific children, this is a good opportunity to say: \u201cWhat do we need to do, from a problem-solving standpoint, before it blows up into something that really is big?\u201d Then just to say: \u201cYou know, what one or two things are we going to really focus on this next year with each child?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For us, then, coming out of those times, we had some intentionality and plan then for the rest of the year, to say, \u201cAlright; with Kate, we\u2019re going to be working on biblical womanhood,\u201d which is what Jen is working on with Kate this year. Or with our older boys\u2014we have a 15- and 12-year-old\u2014we are working on: we want them to develop their own study habits with Scripture. Of course, we have done that in their earlier years; but they are at the point now, where they need to start owning this stuff. We\u2019ve put some things in place with them this year, on a weekly basis, that we are trying to work with at home. We bought a Bible dictionary, and a concordance, and a commentary; and we want them to learn those tools. We\u2019re studying through the book of Ephesians\u2014a group of fathers and sons\u2014that came out of our planning times. That is where we are at with those two.<\/p>\n<p>There are other things that we are doing: what are we working on?<\/p>\n<p>Jen: We usually aim to come out of our time of planning together with those resources. We will say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to be working on biblical womanhood,\u201d\u2014let\u2019s use that as the example with Kate. At the end of our weekend: we will have ordered those resources; we\u2019ve looked at our calendar. We are trying to make sure we are on the same page in all facets of: \u201cWhat does it take to implement what we are planning?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>With our younger kids, sometimes, it is as simple as\u2014you know, we are working on reinforcing obedience; or we\u2019re going to be memorizing some basic core Scriptures with them\u2014or it looks different and more in depth as our kids get older. But the goal is to come away from that weekend, being on the same page; and having those resources in hand or showing up at the house when we get back; so that we can implement what we\u2019ve planned.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How do you guys advise a single parent\u2014or a blended family, who, now, you\u2019ve got a couple households under your roof\u2014how do you do that?<\/p>\n<p>Josh: Well, I\u2019m from somewhat of a blended family. My mom died of ALS, and my dad remarried. I actually had the joy of officiating when I was a little older. Obviously, as an adult, it\u2019s a little different; but I\u2019ve lived through that, personally, for the last decade-plus; and it\u2019s not easy. It just takes time, in a blended family scenario, to mesh. I think grace is huge in a blended-family scenario.<\/p>\n<p>Obviously, there are multiple factors happening in multiple homes. You can\u2019t control what\u2019s happening in a different home. I think there has to be a willingness to just release that and focus on what you can focus on and what you can control. With our home, and our situation in our blended family, it really focused on relationships first. That was a huge priority with the establishment of our family.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes; and obviously, letting the [bio] parent take the lead\u2014right?\u2014in that planning process.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As I\u2019m sitting here, listening to you, and reading through your book, here is what is striking me\u2014two words: priority; intentionality\u2014again, you\u2019ve used sort of those words. Josh, when you were saying earlier\u2014\u201cMan, you\u2019ve got to have a plan if you\u2019re going to build a house or manage money,\u201d\u2014here is what hit me; I was thinking, \u201cMan, of all the things we do in life, this is at the top of the list. As a married husband and wife, you want to make your marriage honors God; but as a parent, it\u2019s at the top of all the things I do at the end of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Stephen Covey\u2014The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People\u2014he says, \u201cBegin with the end in mind: picture your funeral. What do you want people to say?\u201d I don\u2019t care about almost anything else\u2014I want people to stand up\u2014I want my sons to stand up and say, \u201cDad was a man of God, and he led us to be men of God.\u201d I didn\u2019t have daughters, but I want my granddaughters to be able to say that.<\/p>\n<p>I was thinking\u2014even when you\u2019re saying earlier, Josh, you guys are talking about getting away to develop a plan\u2014I thought, \u201cHow many times have I got all excited about a golf weekend with my dudes, because we are going to go play golf?\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which is great; I\u2019m not saying there is anything wrong with that\u2014I would still want to do that.<\/p>\n<p>But I tell you what: here is what I\u2019m saying to a dad or a mom:<\/p>\n<p>Maybe, you\u2019ve got little kids; and so you have time\u2014and maybe, you\u2019ve got teenagers\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter. Of all the things you are going to do this year\u2014are you listening?\u2014I\u2019m telling you right now: put it on the calendar. Maybe, you can\u2019t get away for a weekend; but you can get a night; you can start there. You say, \u201cHoney,\u201d\u2014or you say to your husband\u2014\u201ccould we sit down and talk about what we want to do, as parents, with our kids?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, you might not be the most intentional person in the world; but that is priority. That means\u2014of all the stuff I\u2019m doing in my life\u2014and I\u2019m not saying your job doesn\u2019t matter; your job does matter; it\u2019s very important\u2014but it doesn\u2019t matter as much as the legacy you hope to leave one day when you leave.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re older now, and we have grandkids; I\u2019m saying the only thing that really matters, as we look back, is: \u201cHow did we do, as a parent, raising men of God?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I would challenge a listener to say: \u201cYou know what? Today is the day I can start,\u201d\u2014because I bet a lot are doing what we did\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cWow; we blew it. [Laughter] We didn\u2019t do a good job with that\u201d; but it\u2019s like: \u201cNew creation.\u201d God\u2019s giving you a new chance, right here, right now, to say: \u201cYou know what? That\u2019s the past; maybe, we haven\u2019t done a great job. We\u2019re not going to be as great as you guys, but [we] can start.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And it\u2019s never too late.<\/p>\n<p>Josh: Never too late.<\/p>\n<p>Jen: Yes; definitely.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Start right now. I would say: \u201cJust get on your knees, and say, \u2018Okay, God; we\u2019ve got to build a plan.\u2019\u201d And we\u2019ve got to talk a little bit more about what that would look like\u2014because you\u2019ve given us some great handles\u2014but I think today is Day One.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: You\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann with Josh and Jen Mulvihill on FamilyLife Today. Their book is called 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home: Raising Children to Godly Adults. You can order a copy at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe, this summer, you\u2019ve glimpsed some character in your kids that needs some help. Hey, I know I have; but how do you tackle that kind of stuff? Well, I love this quote about FamilyLife\u2019s Art of Parenting\u00ae small group study\u2014it says this\u2014\u201cWe had a very diverse study group from six different countries. It was an amazing experience of evaluating how culture and upbringing impacts our parenting styles, sometimes, in opposition to the truth of God\u2019s Word. We all agreed that this course was instrumental in reorienting our beliefs and practices toward Christ-centered parenting.\u201d That\u2019s beautiful.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe, the Art of Parenting could sharpen your awareness and tactics too. Well, right now, you can save on all our small group studies with the code, \u201c25OFF\u201d; that\u2019s 2-5-O-F-F. Learn more at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson will continue their conversation with Josh and Jen Mulvihill and help us to refocus our attention on what is most important with our kids.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru Ministry.<br \/>\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2022 FamilyLife. 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