{"id":280478,"date":"2023-08-08T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-08T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas\/"},"modified":"2025-05-07T10:14:07","modified_gmt":"2025-05-07T14:14:07","slug":"emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas\/","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Tools Your Son Can Build On for Life: David Thomas"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What emotional skills does your son need? Counselor David Thomas sheds light on common emotional struggles, including anger, anxiety, and depression. Find practical ways you can help your son be resourceful, aware, resilient, and empathetic\u2014breaking patterns of dysfunction and embracing maturity for life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What emotional skills does your son need? Counselor David Thomas sheds light on common emotional struggles, including anger, anxiety, and depression. Find practical ways you can help your son be resourceful, aware, resilient, and empathetic\u2014breaking pat&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/f79b8cc0-69cd-4659-97f7-b154011e1f83\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:26","filesize":"27.90M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2023-08-08 09:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2279],"podcast_series":[8658],"cwp_profile":[9072],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280478","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-emotional-tools","podcast_series-raising-emotionally-healthy-boys-david-thomas","cwp_profile-david-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280478\/emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280478\/emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Oq2RQaZ7xR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas\/\">Emotional Tools Your Son Can Build On for Life: David Thomas<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/emotional-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life-david-thomas\/embed\/#?secret=Oq2RQaZ7xR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Emotional Tools Your Son Can Build On for Life: David Thomas&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Oq2RQaZ7xR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What emotional skills does your son need? Counselor David Thomas sheds light on common emotional struggles, including anger, anxiety, and depression. Find practical ways you can help your son be resourceful, aware, resilient, and empathetic\u2014breaking pat...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<p>Connect with David Thomas at <a href=\"https:\/\/quinaaragon.com\/\">christianparenting.org<\/a> and read the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.christianparenting.org\/articles\/the-three-rs-for-raising-emotionally-healthy-boys\/\">The three Rs for Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys.<\/a><br \/>\nAnd grab David's book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/raising-emotionally-strong-boys-tools-your-son-can-build-on-for-life\/\">Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys<\/a>\u00a0in our shop.<br \/>\nIntrigued by today's episode? Think deeper about shaping emotionally mature kids in <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-passing-on-healthy-habits-for-kids\/\">Parenting: Passing On Healthy Habits for Kids.<\/a><br \/>\nGrab 25% off all FamilyLife's small-group studies at\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/group-studies\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a><br \/>\nFind resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/>\nFind more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/>\nHelp others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/>\nCheck out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/p>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2023-08-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Emotional Tools Your Son Can Build On for Life<\/p>\n<p>Guest:David Thomas<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys (Day 2 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:August 8, 2023<\/p>\n<p>David: Somewhere around nine to ten, boys begin to channel all primary emotions\u2014fear, anger, sadness, disappointment\u2014into one emotion, and that one emotion is anger.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife\u00ae app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So we discovered yesterday on the program that when you married me, you married an adolescent boy. [Laughter] How did you feel about learning that? Of course, here\u2019s the thing. I think you already knew it. I just learned yesterday, wow! I was not just immature; I was like an adolescent in my early 20s.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Hon, I thought you were amazing in every way.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You were\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I never thought that. It was an interesting conversation, though.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m just bringing it up because we have David Thomas back in the studio with us, who\u2019s a therapist and a counselor in Nashville. He enlightened me to some things about men and boys. David, welcome back.<\/p>\n<p>David: Thank you for having me back. I\u2019m right there with you. We discovered that I, too, was an adolescent when I got married, so we share that in common. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019re laughing about it because you wrote this amazing book. We have three sons and now grandkids, so we thought, \u201cWe have to pass this on.\u201d So we\u2019ve been handing this out to everybody, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build On for Life.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Now I\u2019m thinking back on our conversations when we first got married, and we were young. I was 19; Dave was 22. But I can remember asking you, \u201cWhat are you feeling about all this?\u201d And Dave would often say, \u201cI have no idea. I have no idea.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: She would say, \u201cYes, you do. You just don\u2019t want to tell me,\u201d and so we\u2019d get in fights. I honestly didn\u2019t know. I had never even answered that question. You talked about that yesterday. So let\u2019s talk about emotionally unhealthy\u2014could be men or women.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But we\u2019re adults now, and we have responsibilities to maybe be a parent. How were we going to raise emotionally strong sons if we\u2019re not emotionally strong ourselves?<\/p>\n<p>David: That connection between the head and the heart is not something I believe men were trained to understand, particularly men of certain generations. My grandfather is a perfect example. My grandfather was wildly successful in the work he did as a builder. My grandfather fought in the war, came home from the war having seen friends who died in front of him. He came home and was to go right back to work at that point.<\/p>\n<p>There weren\u2019t resources in place, there wasn\u2019t support in place, there wasn\u2019t an invitation to say, \u201cYou have witnessed trauma, and there needs to be a space where you can talk about that and figure out what it looks like to live forward in light of that and not carry it.\u201d I think it is why there are so many men of that generation in particular, who lived in pain, and as a result caused pain. I think it\u2019s part of the wisdom of that age-old saying, \u201cHurt people hurt people.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve talked about in this book that males who were in pain often caused pain. I talk about how internal pain has an external presentation of some kind, which is why I think adult men lead the stats for substance abuse. So to the degree that we don\u2019t learn the name and navigate, it will show up in some way. I think about the wisdom of that passage that says, \u201cOut of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.\u201d It will come out in some way.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: When you say, \u201cName,\u201d name what? What are you referring to?<\/p>\n<p>David: I think name the feeling. Name the experience. Internal pain always has an external presentation, and to the degree that we can\u2019t name and navigate that, it\u2019s going to come out sideways in some ways. It could be overachieving, it could be an eating disorder, it could be addiction.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: When it comes out in other ways, in a pornography addiction, in anger\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Anger.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Anger\u2019s a big one. That\u2019s when, as a wife, and especially with boys, we don\u2019t know how to navigate that.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, and I think it does show up that way for a lot of adult men. I will hear wives speak to that being the primary evidence of when he\u2019s just in the normal day-to-day parenting, the discipline has too much intensity. His words are fueled with so much anger and internal pain, external presentation of some kind. I think it really starts with the foundational acknowledgement that we are made as emotional beings, every one of us.<\/p>\n<p>In the beginning of the book I have a chapter on foundation and identity, and anchoring boys to an accurate definition of what it means to be a man in this world, which we should never be defining outside of the person of Christ, just Who He was. If we think about His human experience, we\u2019re told throughout Scripture there\u2019s all kinds of evidence of where He felt the different emotions that we feel throughout His life here on earth.<\/p>\n<p>And that Jesus, though He was a man Who was mocked, abused, abandoned, crucified\u2014the worst of human experiences\u2014that He didn\u2019t go off the rails. He was able to deal with the circumstances of His life on earth with humility, with civility, with strength, with emotional strength, all these things that I talk so much about. So I think it starts there, just acknowledging we\u2019re made as emotional beings. So therefore our job is to learn the name and navigate that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Would you say that, then, to your little boys? Would you teach them that?<\/p>\n<p>David: I would.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And you probably do that in your practice.<\/p>\n<p>David: Absolutely. I think it needs to start there with boys, and then this may feel a little surprising for parents listening to hear, but please stay with me. With adolescent boys, I want to go ahead and share those scary statistics we talked about on the front side of our conversation, the first episode. In fact, I have some stats on page 73 of this book, that I encourage parents to read to adolescent boys. I think boys need to go into adolescence understanding, \u201cHey, here\u2019s the vulnerabilities for males in this world.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Will you read those to us?<\/p>\n<p>David: I would be glad to, absolutely. We\u2019re going to go back to some of these realities that we briefly previewed in episode one that I think are my starting point. I have a whole section on anxiety and depression, and within that I talk about how the American Journal of Men\u2019s Health says that depression and suicide are ranked as a leading cause of death among men.<\/p>\n<p>Six million men are impacted by depression in the United States every single year. Globally, on average\u2014so around the globe\u2014one man dies by suicide every minute of every day. Men are often reluctant to openly discuss their health or how they feel about the impact of significant life events. Men are more reluctant to take action when they don\u2019t feel physically or mentally well. They resist support and help, and they experience greater amounts of hopelessness and despair.<\/p>\n<p>I think those are just important facts that we want to arm boys with, particularly in adolescence to understand, \u201cOkay, these are the realities.\u201d No different than, we have this great data on hand that we\u2019ve now known for quite some time that it\u2019s important to talk with adolescents about a history of substance abuse, if that exists in your family, to let those kids know, \u201cYou are more vulnerable to addiction.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo where a person over here might drink a beer and that\u2019s all they want, based on our family history the likelihood of you doing that is not very great.\u201d We don\u2019t help kids by keeping that information away from them, but by arming them. I think this is kind of a similar philosophy, of \u201cLet\u2019s just talk about these hard realities.\u201d That\u2019s not a scare tactic, but it\u2019s just this reality of \u201cWe need to be informed and know these are some vulnerabilities that exist. We\u2019re going to have to work harder.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, it goes all the way back to the front side of development. We have fewer words. If I were to lastly just build on that, I would say this: Somewhere around nine to ten, boys begin to channel all primary emotions\u2014fear, anger, sadness, disappointment\u2014into one emotion, and that one emotion is anger.<\/p>\n<p>If I have fewer words on the front side of development, and then at some point a little farther down the road in development I\u2019m going to start channeling everything toward anger, and then a little farther down the road, my tendency to shove things down and not ask for help is greater than it is for the females around me, we have more work to do in this emotional space with the boys we love.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think, as the listeners; I\u2019m thinking as a mom, that all feels overwhelming and scary to even read those stats. I\u2019m imagining you and your wife reading those stats to your twin sons.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What did you say after that? Parents are like, \u201cOkay, I can read those. Now what? So you\u2019re susceptible to these things. Where\u2019s the hope?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David: First I would say to any mom listening, who\u2019s immediately going to a place of \u201cI feel overwhelmed,\u201d I end every chapter of this book\u2014I committed to my editor, \u201cI\u2019m ending every chapter with five practical ways you can put these ideas into practice. We\u2019re not waiting to the end of the book. Every chapter is going to end with five easy things that parents could be doing in the moment, putting these principles into practice. So I don\u2019t want them to feel overwhelmed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The bigger hope for me is, I have a great story in this book that I absolutely love about a single mom who had struggled with anxiety over the course of her life. She said to her son, who was starting to show signs of that, \u201cYou know, buddy. I want to tell you that if you were to struggle with worry and anxiety like I have over the course of my life, I\u2019m so thankful that we live in a time where we know what to do with that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know a lot of great skills and strategies to teach you so that you can\u2014\u201d this was her line, which I love, and I\u2019m borrowing it from this wise single mom, \u201cSo that you can carry it with God throughout your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I love that language, because it communicated, \u201cIf this goes on, and anxiety is not something that just magically just goes away at your 18th or your 21st birthday, but if you struggle with this in different seasons ongoing, there are good skills and strategies that we know that you can implement in the day to day, and you will always be able to carry this with God. You\u2019re not alone. You need God every day, all day, and we need community.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Some of the healthiest parents I have worked with in my 25 years of doing this work are parents in recovery. I think they\u2019re some of the healthiest, because they live under the principles of the 12 steps, which means I start every day by acknowledging I struggle, and I need God, and I need community. Wouldn\u2019t we all be better if we lived from that starting point every day?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: Those things are true for every one of us, whether addiction is part of our story or not. We all need God; we all need community. We all need to wake up and start from a place of acknowledging, \u201cI have a need.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Dave, you were talking about how you feel like you weren\u2019t very good at this, but as a mom, I\u2019ve realized I parented often in fear. I called one of our sons, who was away at school, and I had asked him an opinion on something, and he said, \u201cMom, I\u2019m processing some stuff, and I just can\u2019t talk right now.\u201d As a mom, I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat do you mean, \u2018processing stuff\u2019? What kind of things are your processing?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And he said, \u201cIt just feels like you are always trying to fix me. You\u2019re always afraid that I was going to fail or do something.\u201d Not \u201cfail,\u201d because he\u2019s very driven, but \u201cfail\u201d in terms morally, or drinking, or partying. He said, \u201cI just need to process some of the pain that I went through growing up, of trying to be perfect for you.\u201d I started crying, because I realized even that moment I started defending myself. \u201cWell, hon, it\u2019s because I love you so much. It\u2019s because I see how amazing you are, and blah, blah, blah.\u201d He said, \u201cBut mom, sometimes I just need to tell you that I\u2019m struggling and you don\u2019t have to fix it. You don\u2019t have to fix me, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As a mom, we love our kids so much, and dads do too. We hate for them to be in pain, so instead of letting him be in his pain, I\u2019m trying to throw the life jacket on him and say, \u201cYou\u2019re fine,\u201d for my own sake. I wish that I would have allowed him to be in his pain, to admit and talk about my own pain, and then not have to fix him. Is that normal for us to hate our kids to be in that pain?<\/p>\n<p>David: Absolutely, it is. I want to first say to you, what a gift that you could come to him in that kind of humility and listen and let him say all of what he needed to say.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I wasn\u2019t very nice at first. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: Of course. And it does bring about that instinct of \u201cI want you to know what all was going on behind the scenes,\u201d And what was primarily going on is exactly what you\u2019re asking, is that there\u2019s not a parent alive who enjoys seeing their kids struggle in any way. It pulls on the deepest parts of who we are, and we want to take away the pain. So I think everything about that makes sense to me.<\/p>\n<p>I think even back to that story of that wise mom. Watching my kids in their own different ways learn to carry struggle with God has been one of the greatest challenges of my parenting, to step back and allow some of that to happen, to know that it is preparing them for their adult lives, to walk with God, to need God. When we had lunch today, you shared this beautiful story with me about one of your sons and the way you allowed something to happen in his life that you now can see the fruit of, how it deepened his faith, and how it connected some dots for him.<\/p>\n<p>I think for any parent listening, I would want to remind you of that as I\u2019m reminding myself of that right now, that everything in me wants to fix and do and change and renovate and add a whole list of words to that, and the ultimate goal is that I would equip my kids so that they can walk with God and carry their struggle and their children\u2019s struggle, and their grandchildren\u2019s struggle with God when I\u2019m no longer here at some point. It is all about the equipping.<\/p>\n<p>Our friend, Dan Allender, talks about this relationship being transformative. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, and the best thing I have ever done, too.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We sort of thought, I think a lot of us parents think, when they are raised and we send them off, we\u2019re done. And we\u2019re not. It\u2019s a different phase of parenting. We wrote a parenting book and talk about four seasons. The last season is this adult-to-adult. One of the things that I have found fascinating about this season, which is also very hard, is they come to you now as adult men or adult women if you had daughters, and they speak out things that you did that hurt them, or let them down, or failed them.<\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s hard to hear, but it\u2019s necessary for them to do that. I did the same with my parents. Now they\u2019re doing it with us, and we can do what Ann was saying, and say, \u201cYes, but I\u2014\u201d Instead we should just listen, and realize that, in your words, David, what\u2019s happening is they\u2019re naming and navigating as an adult man or woman now.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s exactly what our job is as parents, is to equip them in such a way that they can do that, rather than cut them off because we\u2019re trying to save our self-esteem and say, \u201cWe did a good job,\u201d rather than saying, \u201cYes. I\u2019m sorry for that, and in some ways I\u2019m watching you mature because of that.\u201d Is that true?<\/p>\n<p>David: Absolutely. And I think it\u2019s even part of that desire that I think exists for every one of us as parents, that our kids would outperform us, not just vocationally. But I want my kids to do a better job of parenting than I did.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me too.<\/p>\n<p>David: I want them to live out so many different parts of their lives differently. If we\u2019re really doing our job, that\u2019s always the great hope, that we would get to see some evidence and fruit of that. I have already seen some evidence of that. My sons outperform me at 20, in some places. It\u2019s mind-blowing to me, and it excites me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: It excites me to think they\u2019re figuring some things out earlier than I did, and I\u2019m grateful for that. I want that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. We got on the plane, flying back from spending a weekend with one of our sons and their kids, and Ann said to me, \u201cHe is such a good husband and dad.\u201d I know what she was really saying: \u201cHe is a better man at that age than you were.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: No.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: No, it wasn\u2019t a cutdown at all, but that\u2019s what I saw. It was like, \u201cHe is better.\u201d Times a hundred, that I was at the same age, and that is not like I\u2019m jealous. It\u2019s like, \u201cThank you, Jesus.\u201d That\u2019s what we\u2019re called to do; that is a beautiful thing to see.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I remember as he dropped us off at the airport, we both laid our hands on him and prayed for him, and just thanked God for the things that we had seen in him. It hasn\u2019t been easy, and he struggled, but to see him surrendering his life and his family to Jesus, that\u2019s what we all long for as parents. You\u2019re right, Dave. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s ever too late to apologize. I remember saying to another son this past week, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry that you were feeling so lonely in high school. That must have been really hard for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know what I would have done, but I wish I would have done a better job at that. That must have felt so lonely.\u201d For him just to say, \u201cIt was. It was really hard.\u201d And for me just to let it sit there.<\/p>\n<p>David: Yes, it\u2019s so hard, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>David: But I think what\u2019s happening in those moments, which is even in keeping with the conversation we\u2019re sharing about our kids doing better than we did\u2014I think about those wise words of \u201cWhatever we don\u2019t transform we will inevitably transmit,\u201d and I think there is incredible truth to that. So it\u2019s like if I\u2019m working to transform some things, if I\u2019m working to try and do better than my grandfather could do, because I have more to work with\u2014we know more at this point along the way\u2014<\/p>\n<p>\u2014and then my hope is my boys can do better than I am, too, then I\u2019m not just transmitting things. I\u2019m working to try to name and navigate things differently than my grandfather knew to do, and my father was able to do better than him. And I hopefully have raised sons who will know how to do it even better than I could. So I love the legacy of that, even as you\u2019re talking. It does take a lot of\u2014I think to your great story\u2014sitting and listening and figuring out how not to speak at times.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m so bad at that. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>David: I know. Aren\u2019t we all? I think we\u2019re being trained against that in this world more than ever. I think it\u2019s one of the worst parts of technology and social media, in particular, is that we\u2019re just invited to comment in real time all the time, like everything needs my opinion or my input in some way.<\/p>\n<p>So I talk about how we\u2019re being trained against regulation, and I worry about that for kids of this generation who are growing up with that, believing that I somehow need to give input to that at all times, when the reality all of us know, wisdom means sometimes I don\u2019t need to say a word. I just need to sit in that and listen, and there\u2019s nothing needed to contribute to it except silence and humility.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Dave Wilson is going to give a word of encouragement for parents here in just a second, so stick around for that. But first, I was just thinking as I was listening to this that Proverbs 18:13 says, \u201cIf one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.\u201d One translation of this that I heard recently was, \u201cIf one answers before he listens, he is both stupid and rude.\u201d I love it when the Bible gets up in your face about that. Maybe we all need to be a little bit more quiet, and not comment on every single thing that we see or hear with others, especially those who might be closest to us.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David Thomas on FamilyLife Today. David Thomas has written a book called Raising Emotionally Strong Boys. It\u2019s an important book that talks about shedding light on common emotional struggles, including anger, anxiety, and depression in boys. You can pick up a copy at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329.<\/p>\n<p>One of my favorite things that I do with my family is family game night. We either bust out a deck of cards, or we grab a board game and we play. Our family sits around the kitchen table and we laugh, and we eat snacks, and it\u2019s just tons of fun. But what would make that even better is if we were able to have fun and maybe learn a couple things at the same time, develop one another.<\/p>\n<p>Well that\u2019s what the game Ferret Flush\u2122 does. We want to send you a copy of that game along with FamilyLife\u2019s Art of Parenting\u00ae course. This is a video-based series for any parent who wants to help develop character, discipline, and healthy identity in your kids. Both the Ferret Flush game and the Art of Parenting video course are going to be our gift to you when you partner with us financially.<\/p>\n<p>You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to make your donation, or you can give us a call at 800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d Or you can feel free to drop your donation in the mail. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>Alright, here\u2019s Dave Wilson with a word of encouragement for parents.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: David, when you just said, \u201cWhat isn\u2019t transformed is transmitted,\u201d I just want to say to the dad, and Ann could speak to the mom if you want.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, I was going to say \u201cAnn to the mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s either one. If you\u2019re walking in some struggle, and we all are. I often thought, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get a grip on this for me.\u201d I never thought, \u201cI have to win this battle for my legacy.\u201d Here\u2019s what I know now. This isn\u2019t just about you. If you don\u2019t let God transform your pain or your struggle, it will be passed on. It\u2019s Exodus 20: \u201cThe sins of the father will visit the third and fourth generation.\u201d At the same time, the righteous man will see his legacy blessed for a thousand generations.<\/p>\n<p>So I just want to remind you. If you\u2019re listening and are thinking, \u201cI\u2019m going to deal with that tomorrow,\u201d don\u2019t wait. You have to get help; you have to tell somebody, get a counselor, get a buddy, get another woman. Get it out of the dark, into the light. Get God working in this area, because this isn\u2019t just about you. This is about your son going to deal with the same thing, or your daughter. I just want to encourage you as one man who\u2019s been there and still walking that road: don\u2019t wait. Start the healthy, healing process right now.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Now tomorrow Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be joined in the studio by me. Yes, that\u2019s me, Shelby Abbott. I had a chance to interview a woman named Dani Treweek. She\u2019s talking about the oh-so-sensitive subject of singleness. I\u2019ll be unpacking my conversation with her as she talks about shifting the focus in singleness to Jesus, finding meaning amid cultural pressures, and embracing singleness for God\u2019s glory. It\u2019s a fantastic conversation that you won\u2019t want to miss.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2023 FamilyLife\u00ae. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280478","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280478"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280478"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280478"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280478"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280478"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280478"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280478"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}