{"id":280445,"date":"2023-09-07T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-07T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor\/"},"modified":"2025-05-06T16:52:53","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T20:52:53","slug":"our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor\/","title":{"rendered":"Our Story: Howard and Danielle Taylor"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Authors Howard and Danielle Taylor didn&#8217;t start out thinking they&#8217;d run a marriage ministry. They just longed for an intentional, intimate relationship that would go the distance. Hear how their own challenges galvanized a purposeful, more weatherproof marriage.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><em fetchpriority=\"high\"><strong>I definitely think that you have to speak up. You have to speak up. I don\u2019t want to sound cliche that a closed mouth doesn\u2019t get fed, but it\u2019s causing the marriage to implode, it causes your spirit to implode. Nobody has to know anything but you owe it to yourself and if any children if you have any, to your family that\u2019s watching you, they need you to stay together. They need you guys to figure it out. So I think that it\u2019s important to first bring in Christ and pray about it &#8212; Danielle Taylor<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Authors Howard and Danielle Taylor didn&#8217;t start out thinking they&#8217;d run a marriage ministry. They just longed for an intentional, intimate relationship that would go the distance. Hear how their own challenges galvanized a purposeful, more weatherproof ma&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/02739f10-8dc3-4e7e-b0ee-b154011dd20c\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:39","filesize":"29.93M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2023-09-07 09:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2256],"podcast_series":[8674],"cwp_profile":[9888],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280445","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-marriage-on-deck","podcast_series-a-more-weatherproof-marriage-howard-and-danielle-taylor","cwp_profile-howard-and-danielle-taylor","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280445\/our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280445\/our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Y6tfvxp8pc\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor\/\">Our Story: Howard and Danielle Taylor<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/our-story-howard-and-danielle-taylor\/embed\/#?secret=Y6tfvxp8pc\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Our Story: Howard and Danielle Taylor&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Y6tfvxp8pc\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Authors Howard and Danielle Taylor didn't start out thinking they'd run a marriage ministry. They just longed for an intentional, intimate relationship that would go the distance. Hear how their own challenges galvanized a purposeful, more weatherproof ma...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<p>Connect with Howard and Danielle Taylor and find out more about Marriage on Deck at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.marriageondeck.com\/\">marriageondeck.com<\/a><br \/>\nRevitalize your marriage: 50% off Weekend to Remember Getaways, Sep 4-18! Strengthen bonds and create lasting memories. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\/\">weekendtoremember.com\u00a0<\/a><br \/>\nFind resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/>\nFind more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/>\nHelp others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/>\nCheck out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/p>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2023-09-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Our Story: Howard and Danielle Taylor<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Howard &amp;amp; Danielle Taylor<\/p>\n<p>From the series:A More Weatherproof Marriage (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date: September 7, 2023<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: I definitely think that you have to speak up. You have to speak up. I don\u2019t want to sound cliche that a closed mouth doesn\u2019t get fed, but it\u2019s causing the marriage to implode, it causes your spirit to implode. Nobody has to know anything but you owe it to yourself and if any children if you have any, to your family that\u2019s watching you, they need you to stay together. They need you guys to figure it out. So I think that it\u2019s important to first bring in Christ and pray about it--<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Of course.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: \u2013but then secondly within your level of comfort reach out to somebody .<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife\u00ae app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Alright May 17th, 1980 [Laughter] a week before our wedding. No it was May 10th, 1980.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Throwback day.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: May 10th 1980, two weeks before our wedding we go to the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember.\u00ae<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Because we were told you can\u2019t get married until you know God\u2019s plan for marriage and they\u2019re going to teach you that at that weekend. And so here I want to ask you. Don\u2019t look at your notes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I didn\u2019t put it in there. We\u2019ve taught it now for 30 years, but back then we were taught God\u2019s purpose for marriage is three M\u2019s. [Laughter] Here we go. I\u2019m a guy who loves alliteration.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I don\u2019t think it was M, I thought it was R.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: See, here you go.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: To reflect God\u2019s image, no, no it was mirror, to mirror God\u2019s image. That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Mirror God\u2019s image. Well here\u2019s the thing, the three M\u2019s are no longer the three M\u2019s because now we teach it a little different. Same concepts but back then we said from God\u2019s Word the purpose of marriage is to mirror God\u2019s image, to reflect to the world who Jesus is, God is. To mutually complete one another to sharpen one another, to become like Christ and then to multiply a Godly legacy which is what we were saying.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I got two out of three that\u2019s not bad.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re pretty good--<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013especially you used to give that talk more than I did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I know I gave it more than you did so I should know. But anyway we\u2019ve got Howard and Danielle Taylor in the studio and you guys, you have a whole workbook on the purposes of marriage. That\u2019s why I brought it up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s called The Fundamentals of Marriage, and I like this Eight Essential Practices of Successful Couples. And you guys, I feel like you have that same passion that we have like marriage matters.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We need to know why God instituted marriage, and you\u2019ve been married how many years?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Eighteen in July.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Eighteen in July. Seventeen years it will be eighteen next month.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You have two boys.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Mmm hmm.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Eight and three.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: --and a ministry called Marriage on Deck. What is that?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Marriage on Deck.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Marriage on Deck is birthed out of our desire to mitigate divorce. Like we started seeing what we call carnage around us. You know we\u2019re going along in our marriage and all of a sudden we see a friend get a divorce, a cousin get a divorce, a family member get a divorce and we\u2019re just like, \u201cWhat is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So opposed to just sitting back on defensive we said it\u2019s time for us to go on the offensive and not just sit on the sidelines and do something about it. And that looked like maybe sharing our testimony of why we felt very passionately about our own marriage and some of the principles we\u2019re using to sustain what we felt was a healthy marriage, but we thought it was to be assumed it until we saw certain things happening - and a lot of that was biblically based. So it was helping couples get married and stay married using biblical principles. That\u2019s the kind of pitch behind.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Now what\u2019s \u2018on deck\u2019 mean? Part of me went to baseball.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: We talked about this [Laughter] because he said, \u201con deck means you\u2019re up to bat.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I know Howard was a basketball guy.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: So we\u2019re like maybe Marriage on Deck could be for people who are up to getting married or to me, taking the baseball out of it, you\u2019re just, your marriage is just up. It\u2019s on the forefront, it\u2019s on top. You know it\u2019s here and it\u2019s in the present. If you\u2019re already married or you\u2019re going to get married, we want to encourage you and uplift you in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well share your story a little bit with us. We want to hear how you guys met, how this came about.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Howard and I met in 2001 at Cal State Fullerton. I met him at a Bible study. I came in late with my friend, not because I wanted to be late but because we were coming all the way from Rialto. We came in late, I sat in the back and as I was sitting in the Bible study I realized there was this guy in the front answering all the questions.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh you didn\u2019t think, \u201cWho is that cute guy?\u201d you thought, \u201cWho\u2019s this smart guy?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It was the Bible.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Who is this guy who knows the Word of God? We were like 18 and 19, but I was so impressed. I was newly saved, like two years. I was teaching Sunday School at church and so I was like, \u201cWow. This guy has a good command of the Word,\u201d and then our teacher was telling us, \u201cOh, turn here,\u201d and he\u2019s like, he knew exactly where the book was at \u2013 impressive. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re watching this.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: It was impressive to me. I was like, \u201cOkay. I, I need to see what he looks like.\u201d [Laughter] So then I got a chance to see what he looked like and I said, \u201cOh he looks good. I need to get closer to him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Howard: This is all in Bible study.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: All in Bible study.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You didn\u2019t know this was happening.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: True story, when she came in late, I noticed her hair. [Laughter] It\u2019s so funny that you two were talking about her hair.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: So that\u2019s a pretty girl. I noticed her hair. I have a fraternal twin, who had introduced me to her in what we would call the quad section of our college campus and as twin boys, if your brother introduced you to a young lady, you paid zero attention. So I didn\u2019t realize I\u2019d met her before. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I noticed her come in late and I said, \u201cThis is a pretty young lady.\u201d She came in with her friend and in that session Danielle is noticing me and I noticed her. After the fact I told myself, \u201cI\u2019m going to speak to that young lady [Laughter] after the Bible study.\u201d Like a church kid would, unlike Danielle, I was raised in a church. So I have my highlighter and my little notes [Laughter] and I approached her and I asked her, we sparked up conversation. I basically said, \u201cYou know if you want to call me sometime,\u201d and I took out my church lighter and I wrote--<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait a minute, \u201cIf you want to call me sometime.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It gets good - this was providential though. So I write my cell phone number [Laughter] on an 8 \u00bd by 11 piece of paper - so it\u2019s big - with yellow highlighter. Danielle took it politely. What was interesting is once we sprung up conversation, it was on her birthday, and we sprung up conversation, she eventually called me. And when she called me, she eventually told me, we had one of those moments when you talk for like four hours and it was just that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Howard: So that happened to us. She had told me she had been talking to a young man, who\u2019s a police officer at the time, and a lot of guys had been approaching her, and she said, \u201cThe next guy who asks me for my number--<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: I\u2019m going to tell him basically where to shove it.\u201d [Laughter] So it was providential that I didn\u2019t. She thought that was kind of uncanny that I didn\u2019t ask for her number.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: I wouldn\u2019t typically give a girl, but I felt like with her, I should just give her my number.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: The Spirit led you to do that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That was a God thing right there.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It was a God thing, providential, it was a God thing.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It went right, it went well with me, because she was a great, she was a greatest gift.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes\u2026 Aww.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: I was 18, Danielle was 19. I was an incoming freshmen to make it short, Danielle was outgoing senior at 19 years old. She had gone on to get her degree.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You\u2019re done with college at 19?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: 19. She graduated high school at 16.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: She\u2019s beautiful and smart.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Aww thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: She got her master\u2019s at 22.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really? Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Howard: I met somebody who\u2019s truly incredible.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: She would go on to be my first professional mentor. Me and my buddies, I have a fraternal twin, my college roommates, Danielle would come to our apartment and help us do our school work. [Laughter] She was in her career. It was just, she was just incredibly kind and just amazing. And for me I was raised by a single mother who was from Illinois and a very intelligent woman herself so I just thought Danielle was incredible. I was attracted to how incredibly kind and intelligent and driven she was as an 18 year old man.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Thank you. Oh my goodness.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean were you married before you were graduated or how long did you date?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: The rest was history, my senior year. I was a double major, so it took me six years to graduate. I graduated in six years. My sixth year we got married in 2005 - met in 2001, dated, courted for four years, and got married July 30th, 2005. And we moved into our house in Victorville, California and away we went. Danielle was out of school. I was finishing school.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And had you had much marriage mentoring, training?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: No.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: No.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You had nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We\u2019re from broken families.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: I had marriage mentoring on what not to do.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes, that\u2019s a good way to put it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: From your family?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: From my parents, yes. My parents were married. They got divorced when I was in 9th grade, like about 13. That was my dad\u2019s second marriage. That was my mom\u2019s second marriage, and then she got married again after that. But they\u2019re still together. They got married the same year as us. Thank you Jesus - they\u2019re still together. So no, we didn't have good marriage examples or role models.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As you start moving on in your marriage and obviously having kids, how did you start to develop these fundamentals, that you call the fundamentals of marriage?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: We started to develop the fundamentals from day one. We established--<\/p>\n<p>Howard: \u2013and dating<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: \u2013in dating right. We had our 10 commandments of dating type things that--<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait, what? You guys are so--<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You made your own commandments?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: We made our own commandments.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you remember one of them?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes. We know a lot of them.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: One was no make ups to breakups.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: No makeups to breakups, yes. If you get comfortable breaking up and you get married you\u2019ll get comfortable getting divorced thinking that it\u2019s okay because you\u2019re used to breaking up all the time.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: If we got into an argument, which we have plenty of, you cannot bring up the past. We both can\u2019t be the victim at the same time. If I\u2019m telling you [Laughter] about a problem I have, you can\u2019t turn around and say, \u201cWell, you\u2019re saying this but my problem is,\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cNo, I\u2019m the victim right now so you need to listen to what\u2013\u201d [Laughter] We need to address the current problem - not like whatever you have going on because you miss your opportunity to say whatever you have to say. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We had like the \u2018Thou shall not kill one,\u201d but for us it was \u201cyou cannot tell me to shut up.\u201d It was very practical.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We could never tell each other to shut up. We could never hang up on the phone. And those things were birthed out of - Danielle and I probably should have probably broke up in our first few months. [Laughter] Our communication was horrible.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Terrible.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We were both young. We were immature. We argue. We call them darts now, but they were jabs and punches then.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, you used your words as weapons.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Oh for sure we weaponized our words.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Sure.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It was\u2013because that was our example.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You knew nothing else?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: My mom and dad did talk, they argued.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes, same here.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: So, when we met each other we loved each other, liked each other - but we were going to have a good brouhaha [Laughter] with our words. So, we came to this defining moment right around the time Danielle was going to graduate where it was like, \u201cHey, if we are going to be together--<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: \u2013if this is going to work. We need some boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We need boundaries.\u201d [Laughter] We sat and we talked about it and we put in biblical principles, a soft answer turns away wrath, all these little things. We created a little boundary sheet and we stuck to this. It made us very disciplined - like I want to hang up on you right now [Laughter] but I\u2019m just going to breathe into this phone until we mutually get off the phone.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes<\/p>\n<p>Howard: That was huge for our discipline.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Because as fiery as we were, we taught each other that we\u2019re worth it. We knew that we were worth it, because we just wouldn\u2019t cross that boundary and if ever, because nobody\u2019s perfect. We did flirt with it or cross it. It was like you have to come off your high horse and apologize, right. You just broke it.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It seems like I would say elementary in some respects and fundamental in some respects, but it was - it\u2019s huge in our marriage right now.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Right, all of those.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It laid a foundation.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: That\u2019s what I was going to say.<\/p>\n<p>Following those throughout our relationship a lot of people, even though we were really young, a lot of young and young in marriage, a lot of people will come to us asking for advice. \u201cYou guys look so happy,\u201d and like you guys really like each other and respect each other. Although we have been married 5 or 10 years, we\u2019re coming up to you guys you\u2019re only married 1 year and we just couldn\u2019t understand - \u201cWhy are you asking us?\u201d you know. What do we know? You know we don\u2019t know anything.<\/p>\n<p>But as time went on and more and more people came to us. We saw like how it was mentioned in our family with all our cousins and their relationship and family members relationship falling apart. In the midst of all of this in our careers, we had started a couple businesses on the side and things were going great financially but spiritually with our family it, things was just not good.<\/p>\n<p>Fast forward to 2016, usually at the end of every year we go on a fast and ask God, \u201cWhat do you want us to do for the following year?\u201d We had been so on fire with growing our careers and advancing and making money and buying houses, just doing all this stuff that seems like that\u2019s what you do when you have a degree and get a good job, right? So we went on this fast like, \u201cWe\u2019re going to wake up every morning at 3:00 am for a week and pray and seek God\u2019s face and find out what does God want us to do for 2017.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Which of you said like, \u201cHey, how about if we do this fast and get up at 3:00 am?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Howard: So we fasted every year, I think the 3:00 am God dropped in my spirit that we needed to make this extra push and sacrifice. We knew we were going to do the fast but the 3:00 am, let\u2019s challenge ourselves to wake up at 3:00 am and see if God is talking and just give Him this intentional time. And so at the end of this fast we really wanted to know what was our life\u2019s mission spiritually. We had not found our spirit purpose as a couple. We knew all these head things we wanted to do but we hadn\u2019t found our spiritual purpose so that was our ask. Like what are we going to do? And I remember creeping up on the final day of the fast and not feeling like we got the answer.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: How many days was this?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Seven.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Seven.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Seven days.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: This happens to us all the time. God does not speak until the last day.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It\u2019s like He tests us to see if we\u2019re going to push through it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: On the seventh day, He told us at work, separate days, you know at a separate time from me, we had a separate time God told her we needed to go on social media and just start talking about marriage - our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>God told me - I was a hotel General Manager in my career, hotel executive - so I was sitting in my hotel office and God told me, \u201cYou guys are going to talk about your marriage. You\u2019re going to have to do it on Facebook Live.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you knew Danielle at that time, we\u2019re not like showy, social media type people whatsoever. [Laughter] As a matter of fact, we feel like it\u2019s cringeworthy. [Laughter] At that time we felt like it was cringeworthy. So we didn\u2019t want to do anything like that. And we came home today and Dana\u2019s like, I think I got the answer that God told you we need to go on social media and talk about our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Facebook Live.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: She\u2019s like, \u201cThat is exactly what God told me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: That\u2019s what He told me.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We started practicing that night on our phones. We couldn\u2019t even say our names. [Laughter] \u201cAlright, go!\u201d and she was like--<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: He\u2019s like, \u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d and I\u2019m like, \u201cuh, uh,\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It then got, we got it together and launched Marriage on Deck, just talking to couples about every day marriage issues<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So you\u2019re still doing your jobs but now you\u2019re starting to put time into marriage issues.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes, for sure.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Tuesday nights at 9:00 pm.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Every Tuesday night.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Every Tuesday night at 9:00 pm.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And the response, did people start listening?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Oh for sure. It was so surprising.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: \u2013It was surprising. [Laughter] We didn\u2019t think it was real.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: We didn\u2019t think anybody, during our prayer, \u201cLord, if one person listens Lord. [Laughter] Just touch one person Lord.\u201d Because we\u2019re thinking nobody cares what we have to say. And the next\u2013we recorded it at night. We were planning out our points. We were supposed to talk I think for what, 10 minutes or 15 minutes?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: 45 minutes later, okay.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Whoa.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We did the 10 commandments. Our first thing was let\u2019s get to \u201cDon\u2019t tell your wife to shut up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: That was the first thing.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: That\u2019s how it started.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: \u2013exactly. The next morning Howard wakes up. He\u2019s like, \u201cNo.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat?\u201d 500 people, was it 500?<\/p>\n<p>Howard: It was 500 and it ended up at like thousands.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: 500 people watched our video last night.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: We thought it was fake.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: He\u2019s like this can\u2019t be right. This is wrong. People, this probably counts all the people that scrolls past your video not people actually watching anything.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: I\u2019m like 500, do we even know 500 people? How this be true? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Sure enough.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: But we learned from that experience is, and this is what helps us with our family. A lot of people suffer in secret in their marriage, because they don\u2019t want to shame their spouse.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: The reason why we were so surprised is nobody was in the comments. Nobody was like chiming in or--<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: We weren\u2019t seeing anything.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Like hey, If you have a question ask us and we\u2019ve got a laptop on the side and nobody was saying anything. Everybody was just watching in silence and that\u2019s what was happening with our cousins. We didn\u2019t know they were struggling in their marriage when they got a divorce in their marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: They didn\u2019t want to talk to us about it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s embarrassing.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: People at church will come to us and, \u201cCan you help our marriage?\u201d but<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: \u2013say anything<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Our friends and our family and our sphere of influence wouldn\u2019t talk about it. They were suffering in secret. By us just talking on social media, nobody had to say anything but they were empathizing and getting fed from it and we would eventually find that people we would see them at doctor appointments, or at the store were like, \u201cHey--<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Marriage on Deck<\/p>\n<p>Howard: \u2013you\u2019re really helping us.\u201d And we\u2019re like you guys, these numbers, are you really watching? [Laughter] That was a blessing I think to marriages that didn\u2019t feel like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to,\u201d because we\u2019re transparent. We were talking about it, we were letting that thing hang out about our own lives.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes, we wanted to help people.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Because we knew it would help and it was worth it to be honest about how it worked in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What would you say to a couple listening right now that\u2019s suffering in silence? What should they do?<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: I definitely think that you have to speak up. You have to speak up. I don\u2019t want to sound cliche that a closed mouth doesn\u2019t get fed. But it doesn\u2019t do any disservice by keeping it a secret. It\u2019s only - it\u2019s like imploding. It\u2019s causing the marriage to implode; it causes your spirit to implode. I think that there\u2019s things that people can do - go to counselors that won\u2019t tell your business. Your family and friends don\u2019t have to know that you need counseling. Nobody has to know anything. But you owe it to yourself and if have any children, to your family that\u2019s watching you - because there are people in our family watching our marriages that will never say anything, never applaud you.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: They need you to stay together. They need you guys to figure it out. I think that it\u2019s important to first bring in Christ and pray about it--<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Of course.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: \u2013but then secondly within your level of comfort, reach out to somebody you trust.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Share what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes, just share.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Your heart.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Well the symptoms aren\u2019t going to go away.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: You know a lot of things we face in the marriage we liken it to cancer or sicknesses. You could avoid not talking about it but you\u2019re showing symptoms. You\u2019re showing signs. Most of\u2013we do a lot of marriage coaching and most of what people talk about and complain about are symptoms of a larger issue that they\u2019re not addressing. Then eventually they get to the doctor\u2019s office because they can\u2019t walk or they can\u2019t talk or it\u2019s the end of the line. They say we\u2019re divorcing for irreconcilable differences. When if you would have addressed it early on like they always encourage you to do physically. \u201cHey, get to the doctor early so that it\u2019s not something that\u2019s fatal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Likewise in marriage, we feel shamed and fearful to address things that are causing us to have symptoms, that we\u2019re blaming our wives for and our husbands for. But when really if you go get help to what Danielle is speaking to, a trained professional whether it\u2019s a Christian counselor or a Christian coach, and we always will say pray about it and read your Word, get deep into your Word. We would always say bring a partner alongside of that, an accountability partner, whether it\u2019s your pastor at a church. Because oftentimes when you hold things in you think that just you\u2019re going through it or just your husband does it or just your wife has this issue.<\/p>\n<p>The reality is when you talk about marriage to somebody, 9 times out of 10 they\u2019ve either gone through it or somebody that they know has gone through it, and that makes you feel like you\u2019re part of a fraternity in some respects. It takes some of that what we feel is attacking, because the enemy takes some of that secret shame off the issue and you can begin to deal with the actual root issue of the problem. Then you see the symptoms begin to dissipate. But you can\u2019t hold it in, because in that your symptoms are going to get worse and you\u2019re going to begin to target each other.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: \u2013and ultimately the marriage does, to Danielle\u2019s point, implode. So you\u2019ve got to talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes I always say that if you are struggling with something in the dark, whether it\u2019s personal sin or like a marriage secret suffering, the dark wins.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: The second you bring it out of the dark into the light, now healing can begin.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But if you never tell anybody--<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013you know FamilyLife has so many resources that put people in small groups with other couples like what you\u2019re saying Howard. Yes, when you\u2019re sitting in a group and you go through something like The Art of Marriage\u00ae or Vertical Marriage or Love Like You Mean It\u00ae<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Amen, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013or the Fundamentals of Marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, or this. People start sharing their stories, that\u2019s part of the biggest thing that happens in that group. You go, \u201cWe\u2019re not the only ones.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And then you talk to them afterwards as you\u2019re grabbing a cookie and the next thing you know, you\u2019ve got a friend that you can be honest with and that you can make this journey together<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So good. I\u2019m so inspired by what you guys do.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Oh thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Even your fasting and your praying, you\u2019re getting up. If we put that effort into our marriage God will always hears us.<\/p>\n<p>Howard: Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He always hears those prayers.<\/p>\n<p>Danielle: Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Don\u2019t let the dark win. Drag all the stuff you\u2019re struggling with kicking and screaming into the light. There will be nothing but improvement, not only for your own walk with the Lord but with your spouse in your marriage, with your kids, with your friends, your family, everyone. Don\u2019t let the dark win. I love that.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Howard and Danielle Taylor on FamilyLife Today. You know Howard and Danielle have written a book called The Fundamentals of Marriage: Eight Essential Practices of Successful Couples. Each chapter in their book presents just basically a short reading, a personal reflection, discussion questions, and then his and her perspectives along with case studies highlighting real stories from real couples. You can pick up a copy at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329. That\u2019s 800, \u2018F\u2019 as in family, \u2018L\u2019 as in life and then the word TODAY.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve heard us talk about the Weekend to Remember\u00ae a lot at FamilyLife and how transformative it can be for your marriage. But really even though we plan out so much of it, Weekend to Remember can really be what you make of it. Whether you go with hopes to redeem your marriage or for maintaining or for just for a weekend away together. The conversations between you and your spouse can change everything about your weekend and your marriage for years to come. That\u2019s why we\u2019re so excited to let you know that now through September 18 [2023], so just coming up real soon, registrations are half price. This is your chance to get together and intentionally focus on your marriage so don\u2019t wait. Head over to WeekendtoRemember.com right now and register for your getaway. Again that\u2019s WeekendtoRemember.com.<\/p>\n<p>Now tomorrow Dave and Ann Wilson are back again with Howard and Danielle Taylor. They\u2019re going to talk about loving those who mistreat us as taught by Christ in the Bible. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2023 FamilyLife\u00ae. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280445","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280445"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280445"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280445"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280445"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}