{"id":280435,"date":"2023-09-21T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-21T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler\/"},"modified":"2025-04-23T14:40:24","modified_gmt":"2025-04-23T18:40:24","slug":"im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m a Grandparent of Teens. Now What? Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Grandparenting teenagers? Then you likely know the stakes are high\u2014and you can&#8217;t afford to phone this one in. Authors Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler help you engage in ways that matter and make an impact that keeps echoing.<\/p>\n<p><strong fetchpriority=\"high\"><em>One thing is you have to stop parenting. You have to realize your role as a grandparent is different. You&#8217;re not the parent. You&#8217;re still the parent of your adult kids, but you don&#8217;t parent anymore unless you&#8217;re invited. &#8212; Larry Fowler<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Grandparenting teenagers? Then you likely know the stakes are high\u2014and you can&#8217;t afford to phone this one in. Authors Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler help you engage in ways that matter and make an impact that keeps echoing. One thing is you have to stop&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/4e423cfa-2969-4951-9b9f-b154011db770\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:59","filesize":"25.65M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2023-09-21 09:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2246],"podcast_series":[8678],"cwp_profile":[3088,9170],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280435","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-grandparenting-teenagers","podcast_series-grandparenting-teens-dont-let-go-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler","cwp_profile-larry-fowler","cwp_profile-mark-gregston","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280435\/im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280435\/im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gdbMvvsLcD\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler\/\">I\u2019m a Grandparent of Teens. Now What? Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/im-a-grandparent-of-teens-now-what-mark-gregston-and-larry-fowler\/embed\/#?secret=gdbMvvsLcD\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;I\u2019m a Grandparent of Teens. Now What? Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gdbMvvsLcD\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Grandparenting teenagers? Then you likely know the stakes are high\u2014and you can't afford to phone this one in. Authors Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler help you engage in ways that matter and make an impact that keeps echoing. One thing is you have to stop...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Check out Mark Gregson at <a href=\"https:\/\/parentingtodaysteens.org\/\">parentingtodaysteens.org<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Learn more about the Legacy Coalition Grandparenting Summit at <a href=\"https:\/\/legacycoalition.com\/summit\/\">legacycoalition.com\/summit\/<\/a><br \/>\nPurchase Mark's book on FamilyLife's shop: <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/grandparenting-teens-leaving-a-legacy-of-hope\/\">Grandparenting Teens: Leaving a Legacy of Hope<\/a><\/li>\n<li>More from <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/larry-fowler\/\">Larry Fowler on FamilyLife Today<\/a><\/li>\n<li>More from <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/MARK-gregston\/\">Mark Gregston on FamilyLife Today<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2023-09-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m a Grandparent of Teens. Now What?<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Mark Gregston &amp;amp; Larry Fowler<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Grandparenting Teens<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 21, 2023<\/p>\n<p>Larry: One thing is you have to stop parenting. You have to realize your role as a grandparent is different. You\u2019re not the parent. You\u2019re still the parent of your adult kids, but you don\u2019t parent anymore unless you\u2019re invited.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife\u00ae app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Alright, I know the answer you\u2019re going to give me to this question.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I don\u2019t usually know, but I know this answer.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, maybe I\u2019m going to surprise you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, maybe you will. Best moment of the week for you, every week?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Grandkids. [Laughter] You knew I was going to say that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Well, I know we\u2019re talking about that today, but even if we were going to talk about anything else, I know you. You light up! If I\u2019m upstairs, and I hear you say, \u201cWooo,\u201d the grandkids just came over.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I know it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re right. And it\u2019s\u2014you know, we\u2019ve got six grandkids, eight to two, and so, [in] those years, they love us. [Laughter] They\u2019re so excited\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We know that\u2019s going away, but right now\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013they\u2019re so excited to see us; but also, we get tired quicker now. I will say, they really do refuel me. It\u2019s fun. It reminds me, \u201cMan, this is what it\u2019s all about.\u201d And we do a lot of great things, but that\u2019s one of my favorites.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; so, we\u2019re going to spend a couple days talking about it, but I\u2019ve got to be honest. You know, I wish when I walked in the house, you cried, \u201cWooo!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Inside, I\u2019m doing that. I\u2019m saying, \u201cOh, yeah! He\u2019s in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m jealous, sometimes, of when the grandkids come in, because they get the energy. Anyway, enough about us. We\u2019ve got Mark Gregson and Larry Fowler in the studio in Orlando at FamilyLife Today. Larry\u2019s been here before. Mark, you\u2019ve never been to our studio in Orlando.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I have not been here in Orlando, no.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: It\u2019s unbelievable.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a lot better than the Little Rock days, right?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Well, I think so.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I think so. I think the mere fact that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Now, you\u2019re not supposed to say that! [Laughter] You\u2019re supposed to say, \u201cLittle Rock; Bob Lepine, those were the best days of FamilyLife?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Mark: You know, Little Rock and Bob Lepine were the best days of FamilyLife. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Tell our listeners: you\u2019ve known Bob how long?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I have known Bob since I was 19 years of age. We led Young Life clubs in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and he\u2019s one of those obnoxious guys that I love to death. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I love his wife even more. I mean, she is just an absolute jewel; but the two of them together: they\u2019re just wonderful, wonderful people.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Pretty dynamic.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes, they really are<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Mark, tell us a little bit about your life, what you\u2019re doing, your family.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes, you know it\u2019s interesting. When I started this Young Life thing, when I was 19, I worked for a church for a while and made the decision to start working with kids, and in particular, kids who are struggling. And so, I moved to Branson, Missouri, and I lived there for a number of years at a Christian Sports Camp called Kanakuk.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We were just there!<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Were you?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Not Kanakuk; we did a marriage conference at Big Cedar Lodge.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Oh yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: In Branson.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Wonderful. I was the area director for Young Life at the same time. My heart has always been for kids who are struggling and so, 35 years ago, I left that and moved back to Texas where I was born, and we started the program called Heartlight, where I lived with 60 high school kids from all over the country. {Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait. Stop right there. You lived with 60 high school kids?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And you\u2019ve been married how long?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: 48 years.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, she\u2019s in there with you?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Oh, yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And you have two kids?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes, and then grandkids, but we have 60 kids; so, we\u2019ve had over 3,000 kids live with us throughout our life. And it all started when I was a Young Life area director, or a Young Life leader, and a man walked up to me and said, \u201cI\u2019m struggling with my son. What do I do?\u201d and I\u2019m saying, \u201cI\u2019m 19! I have no idea! [Laughter] But why don\u2019t you let him come live with me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait, you said that!?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: And that\u2019s how it started. So, this kid lived with me for four months before Jane and I got married. Then after we got married, even when I worked for a church or wherever it was, we would always have kids living with us, and I said, \u201cLet\u2019s keep doing this.\u201d So, we started this program. And so here we are, 3,000 kids later, and we\u2019ve learned a lot about kids, and a lot about parenting, and we\u2019ve learned a lot about grandparenting as well in the process.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Now, how long do they live with you?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: They live with us a year. They commit. These are kids who are struggling. They\u2019re great kids; they are wonderful kids. They are spinning out of control, and half of them wouldn\u2019t be alive had they not come to us. So, they come, and we\u2014it\u2019s intense counseling and group therapy, and it\u2019s a relational ministry. I would say, more than anything else, it\u2019s the relationships that are created with our staff and other kids that really transform their lives and give them the opportunity for change. It\u2019s just a ministry we started, and it\u2019s been fantastic.<\/p>\n<p>I get to spend my time\u2014when I go home tomorrow night, I\u2019ll have 50 parents over to my home eating dinner. I get to cook dinner for them. And then, on Sunday night, I get to have another group of kids come over from one of the houses. They\u2019re great kids. They\u2019re just struggling, out of control; fooling around with stuff they don\u2019t need to be fooling around with.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There are a lot of parents that are probably listening right now that are thinking, \u201cJust give me the website. I need to go there right now. [Laughter] I need to. I need help.\u201d Because especially, man, you\u2019ve been doing that a long time. Are you seeing a difference today? Are parents in more need, or is it pretty much the same?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Well, I think kids are being raised in a contrary culture, and I think the biggest challenge that any parent has is truly to figure out how to take those values and principles that they believe in, those biblical principles, and say, \u201cHow do I apply it to this crazy world that I\u2019m dealing with\u2014the tough stuff?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And we seem to get the tough stuff. Anything that you can think of that\u2019s challenging to kids, from fentanyl, to cutting, to gender identity issues, to descending moods, to depression and anxiety; all those things. We deal with the tougher stuff that kids are going through, and you begin to learn, the challenge is: how do I apply what I believe to this out-of-control situation? And I think that\u2019s where we get so many calls. We get 12,000 calls a year from parents who want to place kids with us, and we only have 60 spots. So, that\u2019s where we spend a lot of time developing other resources and trying to prepare, you know, not only parents, but grandparents, to be involved in the lives of their teens, because it\u2019s greatly needed. It\u2019s wanted, but it\u2019s greatly needed.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re not the typical grandparent then. [Laughter] You\u2019re zipping off they\u2019re cutting, they\u2019re doing fentanyl. You know what\u2019s going on in the lives of kids today, so it\u2019s going to be fun to talk to you about grandparenting and bringing that into it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, and you\u2019ve got Larry Fowler sitting beside you. Larry\u2019s been here before.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: I have, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Tell our listeners a little bit about Legacy Coalition and what you do.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Well, Legacy Coalition started in 2016 and, at that time, there really wasn\u2019t a national ministry; just a couple people in the US that were talking about grandparenting. We wanted to have a national focus on it, so we started with the big vision of reaching the 30 million Christian grandparents in America and getting them excited about their role because, like Mark just said, grandparents can have a significant impact in their grandkids\u2019 lives. But most grandparents are missing it, and we want to give them a vision; we want to equip them to do that. That\u2019s what Legacy Coalition is all about<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And you\u2019ve got a summit coming up.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: We have a summit coming up. It\u2019s in October, and it\u2019s live in Dallas, Texas, but live streamed to over 150 sites all across North America. That\u2019s one of the ways that we envision and equip grandparents at our national conference.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I hope you have some good speakers. Do you have anybody good coming? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Larry: We have one guy named Mark Gregston that\u2019s going to be there and a few others that people might know of as well.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Mark, let\u2019s talk about grandparenting teens and your book, Leaving a Legacy of Hope. We\u2019re grandparents\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: We all are.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Congratulations!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Thank you. And Larry, how many grandchildren do you have?<\/p>\n<p>Larry: I have seven. I have two sets. I think Mark has two sets, too. We both have two [sets]. We have an older set and a younger set. You guys just have a younger set.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: For mine, 22-28 is the older set, and I have a younger set that is 8 to 12.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes, mine are 10 and 11, and 18 and 23.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow! We\u2019re just\u2014our oldest is just eight. Like Ann said, they\u2019re at the stage that they love us. Nonni and Poppi are the greatest people in the world. But you\u2019re ahead of us, so talk to us and any grandparent. Where do we start? What would you say first of all, right to grandparents?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Well, this is a great time that you guys are in. I mean\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013it\u2019s so fun.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: \u2013you can do no wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I mean, they love you. They run to you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: They love you. They hang on every word. They love doing puzzles, and I mean playing with a box or [Laughter] whatever it is. They just love\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: \u2013doing everything; but it\u2019s coming.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: It\u2019s coming. When they turn 11 or 12 and get to middle school, things begin to change.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, just like our kids did.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes, they do, and they begin to change, and their social circles get expanded so much that what happens is, they start to lop off people that they\u2019re close to. And if parents and grandparents aren\u2019t intentional about moving toward their grandkids during that time, grandparents will be eliminated. I mean, they\u2019re one of the first people to go.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: So, that\u2019s where it\u2019s telling grandparents, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be involved, because these kids need your support. They need your wisdom more than anything else.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Larry, did you experience that with your older grandkids?<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Yes, but there\u2019s hope, too. You know, they come back; not to the same extent that they did when they were little but\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013yes\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Larry: \u2013we\u2019ve gotten through those teenage years. We saw exactly what Mark\u2019s talking about, where our grandkids didn\u2019t have time for us. But now that they\u2019re young adults, guess what?<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re coming back to us and spending time with us. Yes, you really have to be intentional during the younger years in order to be able to anticipate what\u2019s going to happen during the teenage years and be there for them.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What would you say that looks like, to be intentional? Coach us up.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Okay. For me, the primary thing is that you develop a loving, individual relationship with each one. I think one of the best practices that grandparents can have\u2014you guys can have\u2014when they\u2019re younger is [to] spend individual time with each one of them, especially as they get toward, you know, 10 to 12 years, so that you really are building a personal relationship with each one of them (not just family time). Family time is great and family time can really be important, but individual time\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013one-on-one.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Mark, I\u2019m sure, has something to add.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes, I feel like I had to be intentional in saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go to the country music awards.\u201d I mean, here is my 11-year-old granddaughter who loves country music, and I take her to the country music awards. The crazy thing that night is, we end up going to one of the after parties. [Laughter] And all of the sudden, we walk into this place, and Kid Rock has a coat wrapped around my granddaughter, walking her in to get her in.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, it\u2019s something that she\u2019ll never forget, and I\u2019ve always said the memories of a lifetime are often found in those all-but-forgotten times during adolescence. So, it\u2019s creating those things.<\/p>\n<p>She can\u2019t tell you who sang at the Country Music Awards that night. She can\u2019t tell you who was at the CMA fest. She can\u2019t tell you all of those things, but she knows she was with me, and we got to spend that time together. And over a period of time, by what Larry is saying\u2014spending time, being intentional, developing that deeper relationship and saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to make that happen. I\u2019m going to spend the money to make that happen. I\u2019m going to give the time. I\u2019m going to make the trip. I\u2019m going to make the journey to find you and find something you enjoy; something that you want to do.\u201d And say, \u201cThat\u2019s what we\u2019re going to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then eventually, there will be a time in life that she will look at me and go, \u201cPoppa, I\u2019ve got a question for you,\u201d and I remember her coming home saying, \u201cPoppa, can I talk to you, just you and me having dinner?\u201d \u201cYes!\u201d And she says, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll go wherever you want.\u201d \u201cYes. Let\u2019s do!\u201d We sit down, and she says, \u201cI got drunk last night,\u201d and I think, \u201cThis is what I\u2019ve been practicing for!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because it is during those times that I want to have the opportunity to speak truth into her life, to give her an ear to listen, to give her a voice of reason, to give her a non- judgmental approach that says, \u201cI love you. There\u2019s nothing you can do to make me love you more. There\u2019s nothing you can do to make me love you less.\u201d Encouraging her that, \u201cYou can get through this. Let\u2019s figure out what you\u2019re going to do with all of this.\u201d I think if she felt like she could tell her mom and dad, [but] then that would be a mess, and then we\u2019ve got these rules and grounding.<\/p>\n<p>We get so consumed in that as a parent, whereas a grandparent has that special relationship that can be non-judgmental and help share wisdom to them. Now, did her parents find out? Oh, yes! Because I said, \u201cYou need to tell your mom and dad,\u201d and so she did. So, the relationship just continues, but it\u2019s with intentionality that a grandparent says, \u201cI\u2019m going to be involved. I want to be involved.\u201d And you have no excuses as a grandparent to not communicate, because you have every way known to man to communicate with your grandkids. You just have to make it happen.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s what I was going to ask. We\u2019re so separated in the country right now. We\u2019re living all over the world. You guys, did you have grandkids that didn\u2019t live around you as well? Were they in other parts of the country?<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Yes, I live in California, and my older set of grandkids live in Colorado. So, we practice this thing of spending individual time with them. When we go to visit, Diane and I would make dates with our grandkids. We take them out for breakfast or coffee or lunch. I have one that\u2019s especially memorable, because our second grandson is kind of an introvert. In family gatherings, he doesn\u2019t talk a lot. If he\u2019s addressed, yes.<\/p>\n<p>So, we went out to have coffee together at a Starbucks. We sat down, and we sat down across the table. He\u2019s 17, and the very first thing he says to me is, \u201cGrandpa and Grandma, I\u2019ve got a girlfriend.\u201d Now, he would not have even told us that in a family\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013context\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Larry: \u2013setting, yes. Then he says, \u201cAnd I want you to know she\u2019s a virgin, and so am I. And we\u2019re going to keep it that way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He tells you this?<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Just like this, when he\u2019s 17. And that never, never would have happened without the kind of grandparenting that Mark just talked about. That\u2019s really significant, and it showed that he understood our values. We didn\u2019t have to say, \u201cNow, don\u2019t you ever have sex with your girlfriend,\u201d you know? He knew that already. He knew where we\u2019re coming from, and he wanted to be able to let us know that he was honoring that. Well, that relationship didn\u2019t last very long [Laughter]; but still, we were honored, we were honored, that he would share that with us. That was very, very significant for us.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, how do you coach grandparents to have a relationship with their grandkids in such a way that these kinds of conversations happen? I mean, you both shared stories about, \u201cMan, I got drunk.\u201d Those are intimate conversations that don\u2019t come out of nowhere. You\u2019ve done something that a lot of grandparents probably haven\u2019t done. They\u2019re leaning in saying, \u201cMy grandchild would never say that to me.\u201d How did that happen?<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Well, I think\u2014let me add one thought and Mark can jump in\u2014one thing is, you have to stop parenting. You have to realize your role as a grandparent is different. You\u2019re not the parent. You\u2019re still the parent of your adult kids, but you don\u2019t parent any more, unless you\u2019re invited. That\u2019s the caveat for that moment.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, that\u2019s so hard.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: That means you have a different kind of relationship. You\u2019re not judgmental. Grace first, truth later. You\u2019re demonstrating grace to your grandkids in the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: In many ways, it's simpler. You\u2019re not parenting your adult kids anymore either.<\/p>\n<p>Larry: Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: If you know that it\u2019s coming, and there are going to be challenges\u2014and anybody who says, \u201cWell my kid will never, never go through any challenges.\u201d I say, \u201cThen you don\u2019t know kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Because adolescence is that time that they go through challenges, and they have these identity issues, and they experiment, and they\u2019re curious, and they do stupid things and make poor decisions. I think that\u2019s great, because if you have a relationship with them, then you get to be with them and speak truth into their life; but it\u2019s not the same way, even in the preteen years. I mean, [in] the preteen years, you\u2019re doing this teaching model.<\/p>\n<p>What you\u2019re doing in the teen years and beyond is a training model where you\u2019re shifting the way you engage with them. You\u2019re wanting to give more things to them, have them take responsibility, make decisions. Then you become kind of a coach that's beside them. But it doesn\u2019t automatically happen at age 16 when they wreck the car and they have a DUI, or they got drunk, or have sex for the first time. It doesn\u2019t\u2013it begins when they\u2019re 11 or 12, and you start building that relationship, and you share things in your life. You know, one of the things that I think is so important is sharing your imperfections with your grandkids that are becoming teens, to let them know that it\u2019s okay to struggle. It\u2019s okay to be a mess. I mean, I\u2019m still a mess\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Aren\u2019t we all?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: \u2013even to this day, I am! Somebody says, \u201cWell it seems like you have it all together.\u201d Then you don\u2019t know me. [Laughter] I\u2019m a mess. I struggle with this; I struggle with that. I have a tough time. I get hurt. I\u2019m disappointed. I feel rejected. You know, I want them to know that \u2019m an imperfect person, because nobody likes hanging out with perfect people.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019ve been amazed with our grandkids. When I tell them a struggle I\u2019ve had, a fear I\u2019ve had, a failure, they always want to know more: \u201cWhat do you mean? What happened?\u201d And I don\u2019t think we understand the pressure that they feel, especially as teens, to live up to our expectations. So, when we share our own failures, I think they\u2019re relieved, and I think that opens their hearts up to usMark: Well, I think it does, because look at the world they grow up in.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I mean, everything\u2019s perfect. They get on fakebook and spend time on Instagram and Tik Tok and they see perfection, perfection, perfection, and they never measure up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: And they are so relieved when they hear that their parents are imperfect. The teaching model\u2014in those preteen years, of course, you want to do something perfect--but during the teen years, you want to start sharing those imperfections, those difficulties.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How honest do you get?<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Well, I get as honest as anything<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I mean, I tell them anything. I\u2019ve just said, \u201cI\u2019m not hiding anything.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Well, I remember, you know, sitting at the dinner table with our youngest son, because the other two were off in college. He\u2019s there by himself, and he\u2019s a minister now, but he\u2019s sitting there in his high school years, and he looks at us one night\u2014remember this? And he just says, \u201cSo, did you guys drink? Did you guys get drunk in college? Let\u2019s talk about that.\u201d We looked at each other like\u2014<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve talked about, \u201cShould we share this kind of stuff with them?\u201d But it was one of those moments when you\u2019re thinking, as a parent, \u201cIf I say, \u2018yes,\u2019 because I did, he may think, \u201cWell, look at you. You\u2019re fine. You\u2019re a pastor.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, I guess it's okay. If I say, \u201cNo,\u201d I\u2019m lying; so, we said yes. \u201cLet\u2019s tell you our story and why it was bad, and why you shouldn\u2019t, but here\u2019s the truth.\u201d It was that moment of, \u201cWell, how vulnerable do I want to be?\u201d And you\u2019re saying, \u201cBe vulnerable, especially with your grandkids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Mark: They need it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: Especially because it\u2019s a life and death situation for them.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: I mean, it\u2019s a different world. Kids are taking their life right and left, and you don\u2019t even know it. That\u2019s the amazing thing. All the kids that I know that have committed suicide, nobody knew that it was coming. And I say, I want to share anything and everything. And then, they start to ask questions: \u201cWell, how did you get out of that?\u201d \u201cWell, let me tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And there\u2019s the wisdom.<\/p>\n<p>Mark: \u201cLet me tell you what I\u2019ve learned from this. Let me tell you about where my faith plays a role in my life. Let me tell you what Jesus says about this. Let me share some wisdom from Scripture.\u201d But it\u2019s never without the introduction or the invitation by them to ask that, and I find that that happens more and more when I share those things that they struggle with as well.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think this has been so valuable today, and as a grandparent, I think it spurs us on. \u201cMaybe I need to make a call, or I need to text, or I need to get in contact with our grandkids, because we don\u2019t want to miss that.\u201d So, keep pursuing those grandkids. Reconnect with them, because it will pay off in the long run.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: We\u2019re going to hear more encouragement from Ann in just a second, but you know, Proverbs says, \u201cThe splendor of the old is their gray hair.\u201d Now, splendor is wisdom; wisdom that can be passed on to younger generations in the context of caring and loving relationships. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>I love this conversation, and Mark Gregston, who you just heard there at the end, has written a book called Grandparenting Teens: Leaving a Legacy of Hope. It\u2019s a great way to learn more practical steps on how to pour into your grandkids and do that, like I said, in the context of relationships. You can pick up a copy of Mark\u2019s book, Grandparenting Teens, at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329. That\u2019s 800- \u2018F\u2019 as in family, \u2018L\u2019 as in life, and then the word, \u2018TODAY.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>You know, leaving a legacy as a grandparent is something that is maybe sometimes difficult to figure out, difficult to practically work out. Well, the Legacy Coalition Grandparenting Summit is coming up to help you with just that. You can attend the summit in person in Dallas, Texas, or you can actually log on online and attend. It\u2019s coming up October 19th and 20th, and if you want more details and to see about the Legacy Coalition Grandparenting Summit, the link will be in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Alright, here\u2019s Ann Wilson with an encouragement to pursue relationships with your grandkids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think when we become empty nesters, we can think we\u2019re done, and there is segment before our kids might have their own kids; but man, I feel like in a lot of ways, it\u2019s just beginning or can begin with our grandkids, and we can have impact.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Now, coming up tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are joined again by Mark Gregston and Larry Fowler. They\u2019re going to talk about the importance of impactful grandparenting and dispelling stereotypes about how grandparents usually act. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2023 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280435","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280435"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280435"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280435"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280435"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280435"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280435"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280435"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}