{"id":280430,"date":"2023-09-28T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-28T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/your-wedding-dress-modest-or-sexy-sean-perron-spencer-harmon\/"},"modified":"2025-05-06T16:39:19","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T20:39:19","slug":"your-wedding-dress-modest-or-sexy-sean-perron-spencer-harmon","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/your-wedding-dress-modest-or-sexy-sean-perron-spencer-harmon\/","title":{"rendered":"Your Wedding Dress: Modest or Sexy? Sean Perron &#038; Spencer Harmon"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to wedding planning and \u201cThe Dress,\u201d what\u2019s making it pop? (And is there a chance we\u2019re getting things wrong?) Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon offer biblical, practical wisdom for a beautiful now and a forever future.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><em fetchpriority=\"high\"><strong>Men, regardless of how women are dressed, are called to cultivate purity in their hearts and in their minds. That is their responsibility before God to honor Him in the way that they\u2019re thinking regardless of how people are dressed around them. That\u2019s always their call. &#8212; Sean Perron<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to wedding planning and \u201cThe Dress,\u201d what\u2019s making it pop? (And is there a chance we\u2019re getting things wrong?) Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon offer biblical, practical wisdom for a beautiful now and a forever future. Men, regardless &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/d465c025-97e5-4b60-a028-b154011dac6d\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:10","filesize":"27.65M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2023-09-28 09:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2241],"podcast_series":[8679],"cwp_profile":[9893,9894],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280430","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-how-to-be-engaged","podcast_series-relationships-done-right-sean-perron-and-spencer-harmon","cwp_profile-sean-perron","cwp_profile-spencer-harmon","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280430\/your-wedding-dress-modest-or-sexy-sean-perron-spencer-harmon","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280430\/your-wedding-dress-modest-or-sexy-sean-perron-spencer-harmon","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"PEzGT9qOSw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/your-wedding-dress-modest-or-sexy-sean-perron-spencer-harmon\/\">Your Wedding Dress: Modest or Sexy? 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This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["MS-012701"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/d465c025-97e5-4b60-a028-b154011dac6d\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:30:10"],"filesize":["27.65M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280866"],"show_notes":["<p>Check out more from Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon at <a href=\"https:\/\/unspokenblog.com\/\">unspokenblog.com<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/unspokenblog.com\/2017\/06\/19\/sharing-your-sexual-history\/\">Learn how to share of your sexual history<\/a> with a new romantic interest.<br \/>\nLearn more about Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon's church First Baptist Jacksonville<a href=\"https:\/\/fbcjax.com\/category\/first-thoughts\/\"> ..and discover their writings<\/a><br \/>\nIf you're interested in hearing more from Sean and Spencer, listen to their <a href=\"https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/user-677188395\">Unspoken Blogs podcast<\/a><br \/>\nPurchase Sean and Spencer's books: <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/letters-to-a-romantic-on-dating\/\">Letters to a Romantic: On Dating<\/a>,<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/letters-to-a-romantic-on-engagement\/\">Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement,<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/letters-to-a-romantic-first-years-of-marriage\/\">Letters to a Romantic: First Years of Marriage<\/a><br \/>\nFind resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/>\nFind more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/>\nHelp others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/>\nCheck out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/p>\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2023-09-28.pdf"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>How to Be Engaged, and Do it Right<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Letters to a Romantic (Day 3 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 28, 2023<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Men, regardless of how women are dressed, are called to cultivate purity in their hearts and in their minds. That is their responsibility before God to honor Him in the way that they\u2019re thinking regardless of how people are dressed around them. That\u2019s always their call.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife\u00ae app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you remember your wedding dress?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I do. I just got it out not too long ago.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What do you mean, you just got it out?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You got it out, and I don\u2019t know about this?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I have an eight-year-old granddaughter. I took it out of the box because I thought, \u201cWhy is it in this box?\u201d And you know, it\u2019s the box that won\u2019t turn it yellow; and now I\u2019m so old, who cares if it\u2019s yellow? She wants to wear it. Anyway, I put it on. She put it on. We all put it on.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You did? I didn\u2019t even know this?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: So fun.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so sweet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: All I remember is standing at the front of that church. When I saw you in the back in that dress--<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ahh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013I can still see you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Of course, I had hair back then, but it was\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re pretty\u2014you\u2019re pretty handsome yourself there. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Ah man, you walking down with your dad, who\u2019s now with the Lord. I mean that\u2019s just\u2014gee whiz, I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d feel what I\u2019m feeling right now\u2014but it\u2019s such a tender moment.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s sweet, wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Last couple of days we\u2019ve been with Spencer Harmon and Sean Perron, and they\u2019ve written three books, Letters to a Romantic, and you guys have written about dating. We talked about that day one, and a little bit yesterday about engagement, and yesterday was also about marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re dads of kids. You\u2019ve been married for a while. You\u2019re pastors. You work in the same church at different campuses, but this is an area that you guys are really passionate about.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And you\u2019ve had to say, \u201cWe\u2019re passionate because of\u2014.\u201d For you, Sean, why are you so passionate about this?<\/p>\n<p>Sean: I think the Bible pops with relevance in every area of life, and every season of life, and the seasons of dating and engagement and marriage; but particularly dating and engagement are preparing for your wedding day, preparing for marriage, [and] they get neglected. People think God doesn\u2019t have anything to say. They think it's all about them, and the Bible comes in with a really incredible, better, and more appealing vision of how to do life in those seasons.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s awesome. What would you say, Spencer?<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, I think that we were made to glorify God, and not just to glorify Him, but to enjoy the process of glorifying Him with our whole life. And when a person, or when a couple, takes these seasons of their life that sometimes feel like throwaways, they feel like the Bible doesn\u2019t seem to say anything about them. It\u2019s as if, \u201cI\u2019m engaged. I just have to wait till I get married,\u201d or whatever. \u201cIt\u2019s dating, just drudge through it.\u201d No, no, no. I want people to see these as, \u201cThis is a really unique season we have to glorify Christ, and we are going to seek to do that with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.\u201d And I want to help people do that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, we mentioned the wedding dress--<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013and then your Letters to a Romantic on Engagement. You have an interesting perspective on the wedding dress, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever read something like this. So, let\u2019s hear it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, when we read it, I remember Dave saying, \u201cOh, this is going to be controversial.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I did say that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I said, \u201cWhat?\u201d So, then I had to pull it out. Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, so give us a little of your perspective.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, I'm a pastor. I do weddings all the time. One of the things I care about is ceremony and how it\u2019s done. We wrote a chapter in this book\u2014my wife and I co-authored this chapter together because I wanted her voice involved in this as well\u2014saying, \u201cHey, one area we want to encourage our sisters to think about is modesty on their wedding day.\u201d And the way that we approach this topic is, if you\u2019re a woman and you\u2019re about to get married, and you\u2019re thinking about [your dress], or maybe you\u2019re about to go get your dress, and you\u2019re thinking about which kind of dress you want, I want you to think about this: First of all, let me say this: it\u2019s wonderful that you want to wear a beautiful wedding dress. I know little girls dream. I have a little girl right now who\u2019s obsessed about getting married. It\u2019s really concerning to me, actually. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Sean: She\u2019s cute.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: She is. She\u2019s so sweet, but she really wants to get married. Little girls dream about this day and want to have this beautiful wedding dress. Here\u2019s what I want you to think about: I want you to actually think about the very end of your ceremony, and I want you to imagine everybody walking out of your ceremony. What do you want them to be thinking about when you leave? Think about that for a second.<\/p>\n<p>What types of things do you want them saying to each other as they\u2019re walking out of your ceremony? Do you want them to be saying, \u201cThat dress was amazing?\u201d Is that the primary thing you want them to be saying? And a lot of times, we think about these issues of the stuff of our wedding. This applies to other things outside of dresses. This applies to the whole ceremony itself; what are you trying to highlight? Are you trying to draw attention to yourself, or are you trying to draw attention to Christ? We were made to draw attention to Christ, and that applies to our bodies. This is 1 Corinthians 10:31, that we were \u201cbought with a price, so we should glorify God with our bodies.: So, the question is how do we do that? How do we glorify God with our bodies?<\/p>\n<p>Sean: You\u2019re saying God cares about it.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: God cares about your body, and He cares about what you put on your body, and whether it is drawing attention to you or drawing attention to Him. I believe that we should apply that principle to every aspect of the wedding ceremony, including the dress. What I\u2019m caring about is actually\u2014I\u2019m not going to give you a neckline standard; I\u2019m not going to do that. What I want to say is, I want you to think about your wedding day. Think about what you wear. And I want to encourage you that the motive of your heart be, \u201cI want people to see how great Jesus Christ is in every area of my wedding, and I don\u2019t want to distract. I actually don\u2019t want to draw the eyes of people to my body.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now. let me anticipate an objection. It\u2019s a real one [for] many of my sisters, I\u2019m a pastor, [and] I talk about modesty because the Bible talks about modesty. They\u2019ll say, \u201cWell look, it\u2019s not just a woman thing. Don\u2019t put all the blame on women. There\u2019s a pornified culture that\u2019s trained the eyes of men to look at specific parts of a woman\u2019s body.\u201d And I say to my sisters, \u201cYes, and amen.\u201d That\u2019s exactly right!<\/p>\n<p>Men, regardless of how women are dressed, are called to cultivate purity in their hearts and in their minds. That is their responsibility before God to honor Him in the way they\u2019re thinking, regardless of how people are dressed around them. That\u2019s always their call. What I\u2019m asking the women, though, with the wedding dress is, I\u2019m asking you just to examine your motivation. Why? Why that dress? Is the primary motive, \u201cI want to draw attention to myself?\u201d Or is the motive of your heart, \u201cI love this dress. It\u2019s beautiful. I can\u2019t wait to wear it on my wedding day?\u201d And my heart overarchingly on this is [that], governing the type of dress I get, is the glory of Christ.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, I was 19 when I got married, and I was young. And so just to give you a perspective, I have no church background. I\u2019m a new follower of Christ, and I was being discipled in college through Cru at the University of Kentucky. I\u2019ve shared this story before, but my discipler came up to me, and she said, \u201cI want to talk to you about what you\u2019re wearing.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d She said, \u201cWhat you\u2019re wearing is not modest, and it\u2019s causing guys to stumble.\u201d I said, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what you\u2019re talking about right now.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s stumbling? What do you mean?\u201d And she said, \u201cYou\u2019re drawing people\u2019s eyes to yourself.\u201d And I said, \u201cI know. [Laughter] That\u2019s the whole idea.\u201d So. for me, this whole concept of modesty is the dumbest thing I\u2019ve ever heard. Of course, some women are hearing [that], but I do want people to say, \u201cShe\u2019s the most beautiful bride,\u201d you know? You want them to say, \u201cOh, look at her. She looks amazing. It\u2019s the most beautiful thing I\u2019ve seen.\u201d Now you\u2019re saying, \u201cNo, take your eyes off of yourself,\u201d which is like, \u201cWait, what? It\u2019s my wedding day. This is the only time I do get attention on myself,\u201d but you\u2019re giving a bigger picture of what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, I would say modesty and beauty are not at odds. Modesty actually can be incredibly attractive and incredibly beautiful, because I think, as Spencer was talking about the whole ceremony, it\u2019s designed to point to God. Why you wear a white dress represents purity: Ephesians 5, \u201cwithout spot or wrinkle or any such blemish.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s this beautiful bride adorned for her husband. Psalm 19 says, \u201cThe sun is like a bridegroom coming out of its chamber.\u201d This [is a] radiant, amazing picture that\u2019s represented in the gospel. And I think a sister in Christ who\u2019s getting married should look amazing. They should look beautiful, because that is how God has made us for the great marriage feast that we\u2019re going to be a part of. We are going to look completely conformed to God\u2019s image and radiant, but that is very different than being immodest.<\/p>\n<p>Modesty is about covering parts that are only meant to be seen by the one who you are in a covenant relationship with, and dressing in such a way that does not amplify or accentuate those parts to draw attention to them. Jenny and I, we counsel a lot of couples, and a lie they think is, \u201cI have to dress provocatively,\u201d or \u201cI have to wear a wedding dress that looks provocative so my husband will be attracted to me sexually on our wedding night.\u201d That is just a lie from Satan. It doesn\u2019t make sense, because we\u2019ve had couples that have been so pure in their entire relationship, but on their wedding day they look more immodest than I\u2019ve ever seen them, than anyone in the church has ever seen them.<\/p>\n<p>They bought into the lie that\u2019s what they need to do to be appealing to their husband and to look good and to look beautiful, when actually the opposite is true. Just a few hours later, they\u2019re going to be completely unclothed in a great way as God intended to. But when people leave the ceremony thinking, \u201cOh, wow. That was really uncomfortable,\u201d they\u2019re not thinking about Jesus Christ and His gospel. They\u2019re thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s awkward. Did you see that? It was awkward,\u201d and everyone is talking about it. Everyone always talks about it. The difference is, are we being beautiful and radiant in a way that\u2019s modest and humble and honoring God, or are we being self-centered?<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Can I say one thing? This is a provocative statement, but I think it\u2019s really important. When we talk about the wedding day, we often say, \u201cHey, this is your day. This is your day. This is your big day. It\u2019s all about you.\u201d But what I want to say for the Christian is, no day is your day. Every day is His.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: I so agree.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, it\u2019s crazy, but this is what it means to be a Christian. What it means to be a Christian is, \u201cI find my deepest joy and my deepest satisfaction in living for the One who redeemed me and bought me by the blood of Jesus Christ. I\u2019ve been transformed, so I love living for Him.\u201d And we are saying, and I know that this is an intense thing to say to grooms and brides who\u2019ve been planning this big day: it\u2019s not your day. It really isn\u2019t. It\u2019s a day in which we celebrate this gift that\u2019s being given to you by God, and we\u2019re honoring you, but we\u2019re honoring you because of what marriage is and what it points to.<\/p>\n<p>It should be celebrated because of what it is. It\u2019s this magnificent display of the gospel, which is why I believe in big party wedding receptions. The reason I do is because it\u2019s a reflection of the wedding feast of the Lamb. Christians should be the biggest celebrators of marriage. We should celebrate marriage because of what it is, and I think, brides and grooms, we have to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2). You should have so much joy on your wedding day! I want my sisters to enjoy picking out their wedding dress. I want them to enjoy life, and the d\u00e9cor, and all the things. I celebrate it with them, but at our heart level, our motive, my why for my dress and my decor and my everything is: God\u2019s day, not my day.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I love all of this, but I also think when I see a woman, because I was that woman, dressed provocatively or immodestly, I tend now to have grace toward her. I think there was a time I was judgmental, \u201cWhat was she thinking? Does she need all the attention to be on her?\u201d But I now realize there is a story behind the story, and I think the thing for me is what we\u2019re trained as little girls; what\u2019s beautiful. Because I\u2019m from a family [where] there was pornography around, I was exposed to that. So, I thought, \u201cMen think this is beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was a time my dad was a baseball coach, and he had the whole baseball team at our house in the living room. I was nine years old, and I walked through the middle because I had to. I was so embarrassed with this whole baseball team of boys, and he said, \u201cOh this is my daughter Ann. She\u2019s all dressed up today. When she fills out that sweater, then she\u2019ll really be a looker.\u201d Now think about that. As a nine-year-old, what I think is, \u201cOh, when I look a certain way and I\u2019m shaped a certain way, then I\u2019ll be beautiful.\u201d So, I think to\u2013if I was discipling, and this is why we need to disciple our daughters, our women, our men\u2014\u201cHoney, this is what beauty is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, yes<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cOh, you\u2019re so beautiful.\u201d It\u2019s not that you\u2019re going to attract certain kinds of looks, or you\u2019re being a temptress, or you\u2019re showing off all these amazing parts of you. It\u2019s having another woman say, even ask this question: \u201cTell me why you think that\u2019s so beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because there\u2019s a story behind the story. I\u2019m just thinking about my sisters coming from a rough past like me.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer Yes,<\/p>\n<p>Sean: That\u2019s wonderful.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I didn\u2019t know what beauty was. I didn\u2019t know what God thought beauty and modesty was, so we need to teach our daughters and teach our friends these things.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, and God is the author of beauty. He\u2019s the One who made it. He wants everyone to be beautiful. We distort beauty\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: \u2013and make it about us, and it\u2019s not. It\u2019s about being made into His image. The adorning of the heart Peter talks about. The heart is deceitful, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. That is true beauty.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, I mean God created romantic and erotic love.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Song of Solomon, a whole book of the Bible.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: A whole book!<\/p>\n<p>Sean: It talks about everything.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, it does. We\u2019ve got little girls, and we live in a world that focuses on external beauty.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: All the dolls they play with, everything; you can\u2019t escape it. It\u2019s just the water we swim in, and we\u2019re constantly talking with our girls. They love dressing up, and I love it when they dress up. It\u2019s so sweet and cute, but they\u2019ll talk about being beautiful, and we\u2019ll talk about that question, \u201cWell, tell me about that. Why is that so pretty? What is it?\u201d You know, they\u2019re young, but those are the kinds of conversations we want to have.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: \u2013and to say, \u201cHey, God\u2019s definition of beauty is far more freeing and far more liberating, and not enslaving, because He says that you are incredibly beautiful because you are created in His image. He loves you. And He loves the way He made you. You don\u2019t have anything to prove right now. You don\u2019t have to prove anything by the way you dress. Just because God made you; [that\u2019s] what makes you beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let me ask you\u2014let me ask you this: what I was thinking about what you guys are saying. I know Ann\u2019s dad\u2014again, he\u2019s passed. Great man\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013in many ways.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013became\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013and super flawed.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013I didn\u2019t have a dad, [and he] became my dad. He was my high school coach. And those words that he said to Ann\u2014I know him; he didn\u2019t mean harm.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: No.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s just the way\u2014he thought, the way\u2014men of the world think. He didn\u2019t have any of the teaching you just did. He had never heard that, and he matured over the years; but he said what he thought every guy would say. So, here\u2019s my question to you guys: I was thinking about what you just said about your daughters. How have you guys made your wife feel beautiful? Because I know there were days I made Ann feel the same thing her dad made her feel by a harmful comment, or even maybe a flippant comment, about her body or her beauty or being connected to her body.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013or even a struggle with pornography.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That can [make] a woman feel less than.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh, yes! I was wondering what you guys do, because I know there are others out there, \u201cI want my wife to feel beautiful\u2014\"<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: \u2013right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013by how I speak and treat her.\u201d How have you done that?<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: So many thoughts here. Let me give you a homework assignment that I always give guys. Whether they\u2019re struggling with pornography or not, I would encourage you to do this. Men, saturate your mind with biblical definitions of beauty. You spend time in Proverbs 31; spend time in 1 Peter 3:1-6; and saturate your mind with what the Bible calls beautiful. Meditate on it. Read it every day. Memorize it. Put it on the mirror.<\/p>\n<p>Let that soak up you mind, and then let that be the language of your compliments and affirmations of your wife, because what you\u2019ll start saying to your wife is, \u201cHoney, you look beautiful today, but I want you to know the thing that is most amazing about you is the way you serve our family. I want you to know that I know you\u2019ve had a really stressful day today, but the fact that you were so kind to our children, even when it was a really long day, is just amazing to me. I find that incredibly attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I sent my wife a text message the other day. It was the most vanilla thing ever. I can\u2019t even remember what it was, but I said, \u201cHey babe. I just want you to know I just hung up the phone, and I was thinking about the fact that you said this thing to me, and I just want you to know I appreciate that so much. I love you so much for that.\u201d Do I compliment her physical beauty? Yes. She\u2019s absolutely beautiful, but is my mind soaking in scriptural definitions of beauty?<\/p>\n<p>Guys, if you only compliment your wife\u2019s physical appearance, you are training her in what you believe beauty is, and you will train your daughters and every woman in your life on what beautiful is. But if you spend more time complimenting the hidden person of her heart, you\u2019re training her what biblical beauty is.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, we have a chapter in there called \u201cLove Her Invisible Pearls.\u201d There are all these invisible gems, all these beautiful treasures, that you might overlook that are invisible; but they\u2019re not. They\u2019re obvious. They\u2019re character traits of God and who He is. They are things in her that you can highlight and praise. I would say this as far as having the perfect body: if you think about Genesis, you think about Adam and Eve. They\u2019re in the Garden, and they have probably the most beautiful bodies that have ever happened [Laughter] in the human race. They\u2019re incredible. Not a flaw, not a blemish, absolutely amazing in the Garden of Eden paradise.<\/p>\n<p>They eat the fruit, and they\u2019re ashamed, and they go and try to get fig leaves to cover them. They feel this overwhelming sense of shame, and they try to cover their bodies. The funny thing is nothing changed physically about their appearance. They looked the same, but they felt shame. For wives, even if they had the perfect body, whatever they think that is, that isn\u2019t going to solve their problems. That is not going to bring them satisfaction. That is not going to bring them happiness to their marriage. It\u2019s not going to bring happiness to them because the perfect body is not the solution.<\/p>\n<p>What is the solution? The solution is the perfect body of Jesus Christ, which is broken on their behalf. He hung naked and ashamed. He bore our shame on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sin and have confidence to approach the throne of grace and have confidence to approach one another as husband and wife, knowing that we are accepted by the other person because of what Christ has done in our lives. We\u2019re accepted by God, and that gives us confidence in not having the perfect body or perfect appearance. And reinforcing that truth can change an entire marriage. It can change your relationship for the better.<\/p>\n<p>[End Studio Interview]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: [Ann], do you have any thoughts, any reflections? We just finished our interview with Sean and Spencer, and we got to the modesty of the wedding dress. [Laughter] I never thought we\u2019d have a conversation about that in my life, let alone they wrote about it, and we got to talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, what do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There\u2019s a part of me that\u2019s always careful. I\u2019m always thinking about maybe the new follower of Jesus or somebody that has a rough background. They\u2019re hearing that [and thinking], \u201cOh, I\u2019ve never heard this before.\u201d I give grace to people like that, because I had no idea, as I said earlier,--<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013no idea about\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013about being modest. I had never thought about that because I grew up in a culture saying, \u201cFlaunt it.\u201d But I liked talking about it; I liked thinking about it, and maybe what I should say is, I hope we don\u2019t get stuck just on the wedding dress, because the entire day is this beautiful covenant commitment between two people that are following Jesus. We\u2019re making these vows before God and before friends. So, the wedding dress is not the highlight of the day. It\u2019s what God is doing between a man and woman in making them one.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon on FamilyLife Today. You know, Sean and Spencer have written a three-book bundle called Letters to a Romantic, and they separate each book to talk about specific areas of life. One is on dating, one is on engagement, and one is on the first years of marriage. This three-book bundle is an excellent resource to have or an excellent gift to give to someone you might know in your family or in your church.<\/p>\n<p>Now, this three-book bundle is our gift to you when you partner with us financially. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com or give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800, \u2018F\u2019 as in family, \u2018L\u2019 as in life and then the word \u2018TODAY.\u2019 You can feel free to also drop us something in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>And if you know anyone who needs to hear conversations like the one you heard today, would you share this program from wherever you get your podcasts? And while you\u2019re there, it could really help others learn more about FamilyLife Today if you\u2019d leave us a review.<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be with Juli Slattery. They\u2019re going to get together to talk about how we should emphasize that sexuality should be approached from a position of honoring God\u2019s design and purpose rather than seeking self-gratification. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2023 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n"],"_edit_lock":["1746564250:47000"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_328680cac2f469c30e9b9402674061f8ede7483b":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" \/]"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_atts_328680cac2f469c30e9b9402674061f8ede7483b":["a:17:{s:2:\"to\";s:29:\"margaret.coyle@familylife.com\";s:7:\"subject\";s:94:\"[FamilyLife - A Cru Ministry] Your Wedding Dress: Modest or Sexy? 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it comes to wedding planning and \u201cThe Dress,\u201d what\u2019s making it pop? (And is there a chance we\u2019re getting things wrong?) Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon offer biblical, practical wisdom for a beautiful now and a forever future. Men, regardless ...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<p>Check out more from Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon at <a href=\"https:\/\/unspokenblog.com\/\">unspokenblog.com<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/unspokenblog.com\/2017\/06\/19\/sharing-your-sexual-history\/\">Learn how to share of your sexual history<\/a> with a new romantic interest.<br \/>\nLearn more about Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon's church First Baptist Jacksonville<a href=\"https:\/\/fbcjax.com\/category\/first-thoughts\/\"> ..and discover their writings<\/a><br \/>\nIf you're interested in hearing more from Sean and Spencer, listen to their <a href=\"https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/user-677188395\">Unspoken Blogs podcast<\/a><br \/>\nPurchase Sean and Spencer's books: <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/letters-to-a-romantic-on-dating\/\">Letters to a Romantic: On Dating<\/a>,<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/letters-to-a-romantic-on-engagement\/\">Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement,<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/letters-to-a-romantic-first-years-of-marriage\/\">Letters to a Romantic: First Years of Marriage<\/a><br \/>\nFind resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/>\nFind more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/>\nHelp others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/>\nCheck out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/p>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2023-09-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>How to Be Engaged, and Do it Right<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Letters to a Romantic (Day 3 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:September 28, 2023<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Men, regardless of how women are dressed, are called to cultivate purity in their hearts and in their minds. That is their responsibility before God to honor Him in the way that they\u2019re thinking regardless of how people are dressed around them. That\u2019s always their call.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife\u00ae app.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you remember your wedding dress?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I do. I just got it out not too long ago.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What do you mean, you just got it out?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, because\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You got it out, and I don\u2019t know about this?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I have an eight-year-old granddaughter. I took it out of the box because I thought, \u201cWhy is it in this box?\u201d And you know, it\u2019s the box that won\u2019t turn it yellow; and now I\u2019m so old, who cares if it\u2019s yellow? She wants to wear it. Anyway, I put it on. She put it on. We all put it on.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You did? I didn\u2019t even know this?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: So fun.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so sweet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: All I remember is standing at the front of that church. When I saw you in the back in that dress--<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ahh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013I can still see you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Of course, I had hair back then, but it was\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re pretty\u2014you\u2019re pretty handsome yourself there. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Ah man, you walking down with your dad, who\u2019s now with the Lord. I mean that\u2019s just\u2014gee whiz, I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d feel what I\u2019m feeling right now\u2014but it\u2019s such a tender moment.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s sweet, wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Last couple of days we\u2019ve been with Spencer Harmon and Sean Perron, and they\u2019ve written three books, Letters to a Romantic, and you guys have written about dating. We talked about that day one, and a little bit yesterday about engagement, and yesterday was also about marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re dads of kids. You\u2019ve been married for a while. You\u2019re pastors. You work in the same church at different campuses, but this is an area that you guys are really passionate about.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And you\u2019ve had to say, \u201cWe\u2019re passionate because of\u2014.\u201d For you, Sean, why are you so passionate about this?<\/p>\n<p>Sean: I think the Bible pops with relevance in every area of life, and every season of life, and the seasons of dating and engagement and marriage; but particularly dating and engagement are preparing for your wedding day, preparing for marriage, [and] they get neglected. People think God doesn\u2019t have anything to say. They think it's all about them, and the Bible comes in with a really incredible, better, and more appealing vision of how to do life in those seasons.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That\u2019s awesome. What would you say, Spencer?<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, I think that we were made to glorify God, and not just to glorify Him, but to enjoy the process of glorifying Him with our whole life. And when a person, or when a couple, takes these seasons of their life that sometimes feel like throwaways, they feel like the Bible doesn\u2019t seem to say anything about them. It\u2019s as if, \u201cI\u2019m engaged. I just have to wait till I get married,\u201d or whatever. \u201cIt\u2019s dating, just drudge through it.\u201d No, no, no. I want people to see these as, \u201cThis is a really unique season we have to glorify Christ, and we are going to seek to do that with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.\u201d And I want to help people do that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, we mentioned the wedding dress--<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013and then your Letters to a Romantic on Engagement. You have an interesting perspective on the wedding dress, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever read something like this. So, let\u2019s hear it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, when we read it, I remember Dave saying, \u201cOh, this is going to be controversial.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I did say that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I said, \u201cWhat?\u201d So, then I had to pull it out. Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, so give us a little of your perspective.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, I'm a pastor. I do weddings all the time. One of the things I care about is ceremony and how it\u2019s done. We wrote a chapter in this book\u2014my wife and I co-authored this chapter together because I wanted her voice involved in this as well\u2014saying, \u201cHey, one area we want to encourage our sisters to think about is modesty on their wedding day.\u201d And the way that we approach this topic is, if you\u2019re a woman and you\u2019re about to get married, and you\u2019re thinking about [your dress], or maybe you\u2019re about to go get your dress, and you\u2019re thinking about which kind of dress you want, I want you to think about this: First of all, let me say this: it\u2019s wonderful that you want to wear a beautiful wedding dress. I know little girls dream. I have a little girl right now who\u2019s obsessed about getting married. It\u2019s really concerning to me, actually. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Sean: She\u2019s cute.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: She is. She\u2019s so sweet, but she really wants to get married. Little girls dream about this day and want to have this beautiful wedding dress. Here\u2019s what I want you to think about: I want you to actually think about the very end of your ceremony, and I want you to imagine everybody walking out of your ceremony. What do you want them to be thinking about when you leave? Think about that for a second.<\/p>\n<p>What types of things do you want them saying to each other as they\u2019re walking out of your ceremony? Do you want them to be saying, \u201cThat dress was amazing?\u201d Is that the primary thing you want them to be saying? And a lot of times, we think about these issues of the stuff of our wedding. This applies to other things outside of dresses. This applies to the whole ceremony itself; what are you trying to highlight? Are you trying to draw attention to yourself, or are you trying to draw attention to Christ? We were made to draw attention to Christ, and that applies to our bodies. This is 1 Corinthians 10:31, that we were \u201cbought with a price, so we should glorify God with our bodies.: So, the question is how do we do that? How do we glorify God with our bodies?<\/p>\n<p>Sean: You\u2019re saying God cares about it.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: God cares about your body, and He cares about what you put on your body, and whether it is drawing attention to you or drawing attention to Him. I believe that we should apply that principle to every aspect of the wedding ceremony, including the dress. What I\u2019m caring about is actually\u2014I\u2019m not going to give you a neckline standard; I\u2019m not going to do that. What I want to say is, I want you to think about your wedding day. Think about what you wear. And I want to encourage you that the motive of your heart be, \u201cI want people to see how great Jesus Christ is in every area of my wedding, and I don\u2019t want to distract. I actually don\u2019t want to draw the eyes of people to my body.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now. let me anticipate an objection. It\u2019s a real one [for] many of my sisters, I\u2019m a pastor, [and] I talk about modesty because the Bible talks about modesty. They\u2019ll say, \u201cWell look, it\u2019s not just a woman thing. Don\u2019t put all the blame on women. There\u2019s a pornified culture that\u2019s trained the eyes of men to look at specific parts of a woman\u2019s body.\u201d And I say to my sisters, \u201cYes, and amen.\u201d That\u2019s exactly right!<\/p>\n<p>Men, regardless of how women are dressed, are called to cultivate purity in their hearts and in their minds. That is their responsibility before God to honor Him in the way they\u2019re thinking, regardless of how people are dressed around them. That\u2019s always their call. What I\u2019m asking the women, though, with the wedding dress is, I\u2019m asking you just to examine your motivation. Why? Why that dress? Is the primary motive, \u201cI want to draw attention to myself?\u201d Or is the motive of your heart, \u201cI love this dress. It\u2019s beautiful. I can\u2019t wait to wear it on my wedding day?\u201d And my heart overarchingly on this is [that], governing the type of dress I get, is the glory of Christ.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Well, I was 19 when I got married, and I was young. And so just to give you a perspective, I have no church background. I\u2019m a new follower of Christ, and I was being discipled in college through Cru at the University of Kentucky. I\u2019ve shared this story before, but my discipler came up to me, and she said, \u201cI want to talk to you about what you\u2019re wearing.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d She said, \u201cWhat you\u2019re wearing is not modest, and it\u2019s causing guys to stumble.\u201d I said, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what you\u2019re talking about right now.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s stumbling? What do you mean?\u201d And she said, \u201cYou\u2019re drawing people\u2019s eyes to yourself.\u201d And I said, \u201cI know. [Laughter] That\u2019s the whole idea.\u201d So. for me, this whole concept of modesty is the dumbest thing I\u2019ve ever heard. Of course, some women are hearing [that], but I do want people to say, \u201cShe\u2019s the most beautiful bride,\u201d you know? You want them to say, \u201cOh, look at her. She looks amazing. It\u2019s the most beautiful thing I\u2019ve seen.\u201d Now you\u2019re saying, \u201cNo, take your eyes off of yourself,\u201d which is like, \u201cWait, what? It\u2019s my wedding day. This is the only time I do get attention on myself,\u201d but you\u2019re giving a bigger picture of what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, I would say modesty and beauty are not at odds. Modesty actually can be incredibly attractive and incredibly beautiful, because I think, as Spencer was talking about the whole ceremony, it\u2019s designed to point to God. Why you wear a white dress represents purity: Ephesians 5, \u201cwithout spot or wrinkle or any such blemish.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s this beautiful bride adorned for her husband. Psalm 19 says, \u201cThe sun is like a bridegroom coming out of its chamber.\u201d This [is a] radiant, amazing picture that\u2019s represented in the gospel. And I think a sister in Christ who\u2019s getting married should look amazing. They should look beautiful, because that is how God has made us for the great marriage feast that we\u2019re going to be a part of. We are going to look completely conformed to God\u2019s image and radiant, but that is very different than being immodest.<\/p>\n<p>Modesty is about covering parts that are only meant to be seen by the one who you are in a covenant relationship with, and dressing in such a way that does not amplify or accentuate those parts to draw attention to them. Jenny and I, we counsel a lot of couples, and a lie they think is, \u201cI have to dress provocatively,\u201d or \u201cI have to wear a wedding dress that looks provocative so my husband will be attracted to me sexually on our wedding night.\u201d That is just a lie from Satan. It doesn\u2019t make sense, because we\u2019ve had couples that have been so pure in their entire relationship, but on their wedding day they look more immodest than I\u2019ve ever seen them, than anyone in the church has ever seen them.<\/p>\n<p>They bought into the lie that\u2019s what they need to do to be appealing to their husband and to look good and to look beautiful, when actually the opposite is true. Just a few hours later, they\u2019re going to be completely unclothed in a great way as God intended to. But when people leave the ceremony thinking, \u201cOh, wow. That was really uncomfortable,\u201d they\u2019re not thinking about Jesus Christ and His gospel. They\u2019re thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s awkward. Did you see that? It was awkward,\u201d and everyone is talking about it. Everyone always talks about it. The difference is, are we being beautiful and radiant in a way that\u2019s modest and humble and honoring God, or are we being self-centered?<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Can I say one thing? This is a provocative statement, but I think it\u2019s really important. When we talk about the wedding day, we often say, \u201cHey, this is your day. This is your day. This is your big day. It\u2019s all about you.\u201d But what I want to say for the Christian is, no day is your day. Every day is His.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: I so agree.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, it\u2019s crazy, but this is what it means to be a Christian. What it means to be a Christian is, \u201cI find my deepest joy and my deepest satisfaction in living for the One who redeemed me and bought me by the blood of Jesus Christ. I\u2019ve been transformed, so I love living for Him.\u201d And we are saying, and I know that this is an intense thing to say to grooms and brides who\u2019ve been planning this big day: it\u2019s not your day. It really isn\u2019t. It\u2019s a day in which we celebrate this gift that\u2019s being given to you by God, and we\u2019re honoring you, but we\u2019re honoring you because of what marriage is and what it points to.<\/p>\n<p>It should be celebrated because of what it is. It\u2019s this magnificent display of the gospel, which is why I believe in big party wedding receptions. The reason I do is because it\u2019s a reflection of the wedding feast of the Lamb. Christians should be the biggest celebrators of marriage. We should celebrate marriage because of what it is, and I think, brides and grooms, we have to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2). You should have so much joy on your wedding day! I want my sisters to enjoy picking out their wedding dress. I want them to enjoy life, and the d\u00e9cor, and all the things. I celebrate it with them, but at our heart level, our motive, my why for my dress and my decor and my everything is: God\u2019s day, not my day.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I love all of this, but I also think when I see a woman, because I was that woman, dressed provocatively or immodestly, I tend now to have grace toward her. I think there was a time I was judgmental, \u201cWhat was she thinking? Does she need all the attention to be on her?\u201d But I now realize there is a story behind the story, and I think the thing for me is what we\u2019re trained as little girls; what\u2019s beautiful. Because I\u2019m from a family [where] there was pornography around, I was exposed to that. So, I thought, \u201cMen think this is beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was a time my dad was a baseball coach, and he had the whole baseball team at our house in the living room. I was nine years old, and I walked through the middle because I had to. I was so embarrassed with this whole baseball team of boys, and he said, \u201cOh this is my daughter Ann. She\u2019s all dressed up today. When she fills out that sweater, then she\u2019ll really be a looker.\u201d Now think about that. As a nine-year-old, what I think is, \u201cOh, when I look a certain way and I\u2019m shaped a certain way, then I\u2019ll be beautiful.\u201d So, I think to\u2013if I was discipling, and this is why we need to disciple our daughters, our women, our men\u2014\u201cHoney, this is what beauty is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, yes<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cOh, you\u2019re so beautiful.\u201d It\u2019s not that you\u2019re going to attract certain kinds of looks, or you\u2019re being a temptress, or you\u2019re showing off all these amazing parts of you. It\u2019s having another woman say, even ask this question: \u201cTell me why you think that\u2019s so beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because there\u2019s a story behind the story. I\u2019m just thinking about my sisters coming from a rough past like me.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer Yes,<\/p>\n<p>Sean: That\u2019s wonderful.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I didn\u2019t know what beauty was. I didn\u2019t know what God thought beauty and modesty was, so we need to teach our daughters and teach our friends these things.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, and God is the author of beauty. He\u2019s the One who made it. He wants everyone to be beautiful. We distort beauty\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: \u2013and make it about us, and it\u2019s not. It\u2019s about being made into His image. The adorning of the heart Peter talks about. The heart is deceitful, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. That is true beauty.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, I mean God created romantic and erotic love.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Song of Solomon, a whole book of the Bible.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: A whole book!<\/p>\n<p>Sean: It talks about everything.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes, it does. We\u2019ve got little girls, and we live in a world that focuses on external beauty.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: All the dolls they play with, everything; you can\u2019t escape it. It\u2019s just the water we swim in, and we\u2019re constantly talking with our girls. They love dressing up, and I love it when they dress up. It\u2019s so sweet and cute, but they\u2019ll talk about being beautiful, and we\u2019ll talk about that question, \u201cWell, tell me about that. Why is that so pretty? What is it?\u201d You know, they\u2019re young, but those are the kinds of conversations we want to have.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013yes.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: \u2013and to say, \u201cHey, God\u2019s definition of beauty is far more freeing and far more liberating, and not enslaving, because He says that you are incredibly beautiful because you are created in His image. He loves you. And He loves the way He made you. You don\u2019t have anything to prove right now. You don\u2019t have to prove anything by the way you dress. Just because God made you; [that\u2019s] what makes you beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let me ask you\u2014let me ask you this: what I was thinking about what you guys are saying. I know Ann\u2019s dad\u2014again, he\u2019s passed. Great man\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013in many ways.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013became\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013and super flawed.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013I didn\u2019t have a dad, [and he] became my dad. He was my high school coach. And those words that he said to Ann\u2014I know him; he didn\u2019t mean harm.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: No.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s just the way\u2014he thought, the way\u2014men of the world think. He didn\u2019t have any of the teaching you just did. He had never heard that, and he matured over the years; but he said what he thought every guy would say. So, here\u2019s my question to you guys: I was thinking about what you just said about your daughters. How have you guys made your wife feel beautiful? Because I know there were days I made Ann feel the same thing her dad made her feel by a harmful comment, or even maybe a flippant comment, about her body or her beauty or being connected to her body.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013or even a struggle with pornography.<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: That can [make] a woman feel less than.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh, yes! I was wondering what you guys do, because I know there are others out there, \u201cI want my wife to feel beautiful\u2014\"<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: \u2013right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013by how I speak and treat her.\u201d How have you done that?<\/p>\n<p>Spencer: So many thoughts here. Let me give you a homework assignment that I always give guys. Whether they\u2019re struggling with pornography or not, I would encourage you to do this. Men, saturate your mind with biblical definitions of beauty. You spend time in Proverbs 31; spend time in 1 Peter 3:1-6; and saturate your mind with what the Bible calls beautiful. Meditate on it. Read it every day. Memorize it. Put it on the mirror.<\/p>\n<p>Let that soak up you mind, and then let that be the language of your compliments and affirmations of your wife, because what you\u2019ll start saying to your wife is, \u201cHoney, you look beautiful today, but I want you to know the thing that is most amazing about you is the way you serve our family. I want you to know that I know you\u2019ve had a really stressful day today, but the fact that you were so kind to our children, even when it was a really long day, is just amazing to me. I find that incredibly attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I sent my wife a text message the other day. It was the most vanilla thing ever. I can\u2019t even remember what it was, but I said, \u201cHey babe. I just want you to know I just hung up the phone, and I was thinking about the fact that you said this thing to me, and I just want you to know I appreciate that so much. I love you so much for that.\u201d Do I compliment her physical beauty? Yes. She\u2019s absolutely beautiful, but is my mind soaking in scriptural definitions of beauty?<\/p>\n<p>Guys, if you only compliment your wife\u2019s physical appearance, you are training her in what you believe beauty is, and you will train your daughters and every woman in your life on what beautiful is. But if you spend more time complimenting the hidden person of her heart, you\u2019re training her what biblical beauty is.<\/p>\n<p>Sean: Yes, we have a chapter in there called \u201cLove Her Invisible Pearls.\u201d There are all these invisible gems, all these beautiful treasures, that you might overlook that are invisible; but they\u2019re not. They\u2019re obvious. They\u2019re character traits of God and who He is. They are things in her that you can highlight and praise. I would say this as far as having the perfect body: if you think about Genesis, you think about Adam and Eve. They\u2019re in the Garden, and they have probably the most beautiful bodies that have ever happened [Laughter] in the human race. They\u2019re incredible. Not a flaw, not a blemish, absolutely amazing in the Garden of Eden paradise.<\/p>\n<p>They eat the fruit, and they\u2019re ashamed, and they go and try to get fig leaves to cover them. They feel this overwhelming sense of shame, and they try to cover their bodies. The funny thing is nothing changed physically about their appearance. They looked the same, but they felt shame. For wives, even if they had the perfect body, whatever they think that is, that isn\u2019t going to solve their problems. That is not going to bring them satisfaction. That is not going to bring them happiness to their marriage. It\u2019s not going to bring happiness to them because the perfect body is not the solution.<\/p>\n<p>What is the solution? The solution is the perfect body of Jesus Christ, which is broken on their behalf. He hung naked and ashamed. He bore our shame on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sin and have confidence to approach the throne of grace and have confidence to approach one another as husband and wife, knowing that we are accepted by the other person because of what Christ has done in our lives. We\u2019re accepted by God, and that gives us confidence in not having the perfect body or perfect appearance. And reinforcing that truth can change an entire marriage. It can change your relationship for the better.<\/p>\n<p>[End Studio Interview]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: [Ann], do you have any thoughts, any reflections? We just finished our interview with Sean and Spencer, and we got to the modesty of the wedding dress. [Laughter] I never thought we\u2019d have a conversation about that in my life, let alone they wrote about it, and we got to talk about it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You know, what do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: There\u2019s a part of me that\u2019s always careful. I\u2019m always thinking about maybe the new follower of Jesus or somebody that has a rough background. They\u2019re hearing that [and thinking], \u201cOh, I\u2019ve never heard this before.\u201d I give grace to people like that, because I had no idea, as I said earlier,--<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2013no idea about\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2013about being modest. I had never thought about that because I grew up in a culture saying, \u201cFlaunt it.\u201d But I liked talking about it; I liked thinking about it, and maybe what I should say is, I hope we don\u2019t get stuck just on the wedding dress, because the entire day is this beautiful covenant commitment between two people that are following Jesus. We\u2019re making these vows before God and before friends. So, the wedding dress is not the highlight of the day. It\u2019s what God is doing between a man and woman in making them one.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon on FamilyLife Today. You know, Sean and Spencer have written a three-book bundle called Letters to a Romantic, and they separate each book to talk about specific areas of life. One is on dating, one is on engagement, and one is on the first years of marriage. This three-book bundle is an excellent resource to have or an excellent gift to give to someone you might know in your family or in your church.<\/p>\n<p>Now, this three-book bundle is our gift to you when you partner with us financially. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com or give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800, \u2018F\u2019 as in family, \u2018L\u2019 as in life and then the word \u2018TODAY.\u2019 You can feel free to also drop us something in the mail if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.<\/p>\n<p>And if you know anyone who needs to hear conversations like the one you heard today, would you share this program from wherever you get your podcasts? And while you\u2019re there, it could really help others learn more about FamilyLife Today if you\u2019d leave us a review.<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be with Juli Slattery. They\u2019re going to get together to talk about how we should emphasize that sexuality should be approached from a position of honoring God\u2019s design and purpose rather than seeking self-gratification. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2023 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280430","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280430"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280430"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280430"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280430"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280430"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280430"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280430"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}