{"id":280322,"date":"2024-02-29T10:15:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-29T15:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim\/"},"modified":"2025-04-17T10:31:16","modified_gmt":"2025-04-17T14:31:16","slug":"social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim\/","title":{"rendered":"Social Media: When You Can\u2019t Stop Comparing: Jay Y. Kim"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Feeling low after scrolling, but don&#8217;t know why? Social media can cause low self-esteem and addiction. Jay Y. Kim examines how to to unplug&#8211;and increase contentment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Feeling low after scrolling, but don&#8217;t know why? Social media can cause low self-esteem and addiction. Jay Y. Kim examines how to to unplug&#8211;and increase contentment. Show Notes and Resources Connect with Jay Y. Kim and catch more of his thoughts at jayki&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/4bad520f-c426-4a53-8c12-b154011c3004\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:52","filesize":"22.80M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-02-29 10:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2167],"podcast_series":[8736],"cwp_profile":[9923],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280322","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-negative-influence-of-social-media","podcast_series-help-im-addicted-to-my-phone-jay-y-kim","cwp_profile-jay-y-kim","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280322\/social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280322\/social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"202vTA35Kt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim\/\">Social Media: When You Can\u2019t Stop Comparing: Jay Y. Kim<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/social-media-when-you-cant-stop-comparing-jay-y-kim\/embed\/#?secret=202vTA35Kt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Social Media: When You Can\u2019t Stop Comparing: Jay Y. Kim&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"202vTA35Kt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["MS-016383"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/4bad520f-c426-4a53-8c12-b154011c3004\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:24:52"],"filesize":["22.80M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280866"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-02-29.pdf"],"transcript_content":["<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Social Media: When You Can\u2019t Stop Comparing<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Jay Y. Kim<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Help! I\u2019m Addicted to My Phone (Day 2 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:February 29, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Paul lays it out really clearly, that the fruit of the Spirit is stuff like love, joy, peace; and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness; gentleness, self-control. So then, we have to ask ourselves the question: \u201cAm I patient? Do I have self-control? Am I a person who is kind and good?\u201d\u2014not just face to face but on Facebook\u00ae? And if we\u2019re not, then we have to ask a deeper question: \u201cOkay, what is really in me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. Your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I got a new idea\u2014I just thought of this on my own: \u201cWhat if we put our phones to bed before we go to bed at night, and then we wake up\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014somewhere else? Besides the bedroom, really?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I just came up with that. What do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think it\u2019s great! [Laughter] So, we\u2019ll dock\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014I might even write a book with something like that in it. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But honestly, what if everybody did that?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019re laughing because Jay Kim, the author of that idea, is sitting across the studio from us. And you\u2019re being quiet. You\u2019re not even interrupting, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s my idea!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Well, it wasn\u2019t original to me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It wasn\u2019t?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: I got it from\u2014no, no! I got it from Andy Crouch\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014oh, that\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014so, credit where credit is due.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Look at that\u2014I take it, then he doesn\u2019t even own it. He gives it to the actual source, Andy Crouch. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, it\u2019s kind of a double steal. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it is. Well, Jay, welcome back\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014to FamilyLife Today. You traveled all the way from California, where you\u2019re a pastor. We\u2019re talking about a book you wrote how many years ago? Five years ago?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Analog Christian came out just a year ago.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: But you know, book writing is a long process. I wrote the words, probably, three years ago [or] something like that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. Well, if you missed yesterday\u2014I\u2019m talking to our listeners now, go back and listen, because I\u2019m not kidding, that idea that you shared yesterday, I\u2019m embarrassed to say I don\u2019t do that. I\u2019ve never done that. Actually, when you said it yesterday, I was [thinking], \u201cThere\u2019s no way you can function in this world without your phone sitting right beside you on a nightstand, [Laughter] and your Apple\u00ae watch or your digital watch on your wrist at all times.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yesterday, I was preaching at a church. Before the service, I walked into the lobby and said \u201cHi,\u201d to people. I didn\u2019t have my phone in my pocket, and I felt naked. I was like, \u201cWhere in the world is my phone? I can\u2019t function without it.\u201d That\u2019s the digital world we live in. You don\u2019t have that anymore?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: I still do, I still do. It\u2019s not\u2014it\u2019s a long journey, it\u2019s a long process. I can relate, Dave. If I don\u2019t know where my phone is, and I\u2019m out and about, yes, there\u2019s sort of a frantic thing that happens in my soul: \u201cWhere\u2019s my phone? Where\u2019s my phone?\u201d But it\u2019s definitely gotten better. That\u2019s the hopeful possibility: it can get better.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s interesting. We were talking yesterday about my wife and how she\u2019s off social media. She\u2019s probably the one who should write the book. She\u2019s far more disciplined than me.<\/p>\n<p>This has happened multiple times, where we are going out for the day. We\u2019ve got the kids with us. We\u2019re taking them to a birthday party, and then, a lunch with friends; and then we\u2019re going somewhere else, doing some shopping. We\u2019re not going to be back for six-seven hours. This has happened multiple times, where we\u2019re ten minutes into the drive, [and] she looks around, and she says, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t have my phone.\u201d And then, she\u2019ll say, \u201cEh, I don\u2019t need it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m making a commitment right now\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ahhh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014I would love our listeners to join me, because I think you hit something that is so true. We need\u2014I need\u2014to put my phone to bed before I go to bed, and it doesn\u2019t need to be on the nightstand, three inches from my ear where I can just reach over. The first thing I do, when I wake up, is grab it,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014oh, me, too.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014look at the calendar, whatever.<\/p>\n<p>You said yesterday [that] your ritual [is] getting up in the morning and taking some time reading a Psalm. That is just wisdom.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I guess I better go buy some alarm clocks.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, I need to. That\u2019s a great idea.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m not sure I can go all the way; get rid of my watch! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: My watch can wake me up. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As long as I set it on my phone, my watch will buzz on my wrist, and we\u2019ll wake up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Jay, you shared a little bit why you wrote this book, Analog Christian. Remind the listeners: \u201cWhy this book?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jay: My own digital addictions. [Laughter] It\u2019s a funny thing, writing a book. You\u2019re offering something that you hope is helpful for people\u2014and that\u2019s true of this book, but really, the book is part confession, part prayer.<\/p>\n<p>I do think it will be helpful, because I know I\u2019m not alone; but it really is confession and prayer. I wrote the book because I knew I had a problem. I got to the place where I did not want to become the sort of person I saw myself becoming, a person who was shaped by my device.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a long journey, but writing the book was really helpful for me. It gave me a framework for understanding, in part, why I was feeling the way I was feeling about all of life, and how my digital addiction was playing a significant part in that. And then, a lot of hope in the words of Scripture; and Paul\u2019s words, specifically, in Galatians 5 [verses 22-23] about the fruit of the Spirit. That just really became key to unlocking so much for me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk about the fruit of the Spirit. In fact, I highlighted [it]. Right in the beginning [of the book], you make this comment about Paul\u2019s words in Galatians 5; he says (and you write): \u201cIn other words, the Spirit\u2019s fruit is not about doing particular things in order to be a particular people. Conversely, it\u2019s about being a particular people, which inevitably leads to a particular sort of living and doing in the world. More specifically, it\u2019s about the fact that our identification as the people of God is marked by the living Spirit of God working in us and through us.\u201d That is a simple thought, but the fruit is a result of our identity in Christ. Explain that.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, every Christian, every follower of Jesus, the Bible tells us, in no uncertain terms, that God lives in us. Not that we are God; the Spirit of God resides, makes His home in us. That idea of the people of God being the temple of God is really profound. Throughout the Bible, the temple is the place where heaven and earth would meet, where God-space and human-space would intersect. That\u2019s us now; that\u2019s me.<\/p>\n<p>What Paul is saying is: \u201cIf you are a follower of Jesus, God is not just some divine Being, floating out in the ether somewhere; His Spirit is literally in you.\u201d What that means is that your life is an expression of the thing that is in you. So then, we have to ask the question: \u201cIs my life an expression of the things of God?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Paul lays it out really clearly, that the fruit of the Spirit is stuff like love, joy, peace; and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness; gentleness, self-control; so then, we have to ask ourselves the question: \u201cAm I patient? Do I have self-control? Am I a person who is kind and good?\u201d Not just face to face, but on Facebook\u00ae? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>We have to ask ourselves those questions. And if we\u2019re not, then we have to ask a deeper question: \u201cOkay, what is really in me?\u201d because this is all coming out; it is spewing out of me. It\u2019s reflective of what\u2019s in me. And then\u2014at least, for me\u2014I have the sobering reality: \u201cI think there is a lot of stuff in here that isn\u2019t the Spirit of God.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And a lot of that is shaped by the digital world. Your subtitle, Cultivating Contentment; how does the digital world make us discontent?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Well, social media, in particular (and media, in general, online), runs on the fuel of comparison. That\u2019s not conjecture. I\u2019m not making that up or whipping that up that it\u2019s in there. The research shows us that. When comparison is the driving force of your life, it is impossible to be content; literally, impossible.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, peace is out the window.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: It\u2019s out the window.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, I would say love, really, is out the window; joy is certainly out the window.<\/p>\n<p>Because love, at its essence, is not about [what] culture tells us: it\u2019s butterflies in the stomach and feeling good; but really, biblically, the Bible tells us in 1 John, Chapter 4: \u201cThis is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.\u201d Love is a selfless act of the will to give ourselves to another for their good.<\/p>\n<p>That is not what social media asks us to do. What social media asks us to do is catch up to the glossy highlights of all of our friends and family who are posting, not their real lives; they\u2019re just posting\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014the highlights.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014the vacation they took to the Maldives. But you know that their real life is, on Monday, they are going to be back in the cubicle. But we\u2019re not thinking about that. We\u2019re just thinking about the fact that: \u201cI\u2019m in my cubicle, and they\u2019re enjoying this white-sand beach in the Maldives.\u201d That creates something in us, something that isn\u2019t of God It\u2019s comparison. It\u2019s not joy, it\u2019s not love, it\u2019s not peace, it\u2019s not contentment.<\/p>\n<p>I think God has a life of contentment for us. I think about young parents\u2014I hear this from young moms in our church all the time: every young mom I know thinks they\u2019re the worst parent on the planet. By definition, that can\u2019t be possible. [Laughter] There can only be one worst parent on the planet; that\u2019s what makes them the worst. The chances are, you are not that parent.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just that you\u2019re comparing to the glossy highlights of all of your other mom friends who are posting the beautiful picture of their child, taken by a professional photographer, filtered perfectly, about how much she loved them so much, while you are trying to get your kid to eat their carrots, and they\u2019re throwing a tantrum. When in reality, intellectually, you know that perfect child on Instagram\u00ae also throws tantrums because he doesn\u2019t want to eat his carrots, but you\u2019re not looking at that. And then, it just undoes all the stuff in us. That\u2019s not the life God has for us.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I really love, as you go through each one of the fruit\u2014you go through love, and then you go through the other side: instead of self-centric despair. Why that? How did you end up with that one? That\u2019s pretty heavy.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes. We think that our smartphones are windows into the world, but they\u2019re not. They\u2019re mirrors. Self-centric despair\u2014what I mean by that phrase is, the inability to see life through any perspective or paradigm other than the perspective and paradigm of self. We think social media is a window because we see photos and posts from people. But really, the way it is designed is those posts are just mirrors, screaming back at you: \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you more like this? Why can\u2019t you think like this? Why don\u2019t you understand this?\u201d They\u2019re just mirrors.<\/p>\n<p>What it does is\u2014people say, \u201cJay, how can I get off Facebook? I won\u2019t know what my friends are up to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: First of all, let\u2019s just be honest: \u201cYou don\u2019t know what your friends are up to. You know little snippets of what they want you to know of what they are up to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In any meaningful relationship\u2014like the two of you\u2014if your relationship was mediated by just snippets of your life you wanted the other person to know, that would not be a meaningful relationship. That would be a curated exchange of information, sort of like, \u201cI\u2019m going to put on my best so I reflect myself as a particular type of person.\u201d But that\u2019s not genuine. That\u2019s why we have self-centric despair; because we\u2019re actually so utterly disconnected from each other. Even though social media sort of tells us we\u2019re so connected\u2014this global village\u2014it\u2019s just not true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m thinking of the listener with their high school or middle school kids on TikTok\u00ae; they\u2019re on everything. The parent can see there\u2019s a self-centric despair in the child. They might have them, too, but especially, you can see it in your kids. As they\u2019re listening; and they feel like, \u201cI don\u2019t have any control of them, with my high schooler.\u201d How do you encourage them with that whole point?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: My kids are young, so I speak with no expertise here. I don\u2019t really know directly, first-hand, what it\u2019s like to parent a teenager. I do know it is uniquely challenging to be a teenager these days, in large part, due to the digital revolution. I think one of the things\u2014big picture, I would say\u2014is, it doesn\u2019t seem that effective\u2014I could be wrong here, but it doesn\u2019t seem that effective\u2014to try to force someone to break an addiction. It seems like it\u2019s more effective to help someone become addicted to something else.<\/p>\n<p>For us in our home, even though my kids are eight and five, and they don\u2019t have smartphones, they still have screen time. We limit the screen time significantly. We have a digital Sabbath day every week, so Saturday is our digital Sabbath. What that means is, we will mediate almost nothing with a screen. So, we\u2019re not watching TV or watching a movie. We put our phones away quite a bit. We don\u2019t just say that. We don\u2019t say, \u201cOkay, kids, no screens today,\u201d and then, just leave it be. What we do is, we try to replace the time.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m in California, so we have great weather nine-ten months out of the year. Most Saturdays will be spent outdoors. We\u2019ll go on a small hike; we\u2019ll eat our meals in our backyard\u2014we\u2019ll cook or I\u2019ll barbeque, and we\u2019ll eat in the backyard; and the kids can play. We\u2019ve got a couple of friends\u2014the kids have a couple of friends in the neighborhood, [and] we\u2019ll invite them over to play in the front yard and have snacks out there. We\u2019ll go out for a dessert somewhere. We try to create moments that help our kids feel like the space is not empty. And now, they\u2019re just clambering for: \u201cCan we just watch a movie?\u201d Instead, we\u2019re saying (it\u2019s the invitation of the Scriptures): \u201cTaste and see that the Lord is good.\u201d \u201cWell, taste and see that physical, embodied experiences, as a family and as friends, is so good.\u201d We\u2019re seeing the fruit of it. Our kids look forward to those moments.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: If you really want to \u201ctaste and see that the Lord is good\u201d [Psalm 34:8], you have to stop and rest. Turn off the phone; put the phone away\u2014just almost like Sabbath rest\u2014and say, \u201cLord, I am going to put away all distractions, and I want to experience You. I really want to taste and see You.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s almost like you could say, \u201cTaste and see that the Lord is better than digital. Taste and see that the Lord is better than anything we\u2019ll have on any screen, because He is good and has more for us. We can expect more as we taste and see His goodness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And I don\u2019t think we really taste until we put that other away. It has to be put aside, and your eyes turned toward Him.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cLet\u2019s do that this week, or this year, or for our lives. Let\u2019s put it away and see how good God is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I heard you tell a story on YouTube [about] when you ran away from home. Tell that story, because that was such a great story of your life about what\u2019s really true.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, I grew up with a single mom. I was a pretty rebellious teenager [in] middle school and high school. I would get into fights with my mom all the time. There was one day, in particular\u2014a really, really big fight. I yelled at her; I cursed at her; I mean, all sorts of things. She\u2019s yelling back at me. I knew, at that point, \u201cI am in so much trouble.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>So, I got on my bike, and I rode up this expressway, probably five or six miles to a friend\u2019s house; my friend, Brent (I knew he was home). I\u2019m only 12 at this point. I knock on his door. I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, I got in this huge fight with my mom.\u201d I\u2019m saying all sorts of mean things about her. I asked him, \u201cCan I just stay with you?\u201d He\u2019s like, \u201cSure, come in.\u201d I\u2019m hanging out with Brent at [his] home.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually, later that evening, his mother comes home. She\u2019s like, \u201cOh, does your mom know you\u2019re here? When is she picking you up?\u201d I just say, \u201cNo, I\u2019m living with you now.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cI\u2019m your new son.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cNo.\u201d She calls my mom (my mom and she were friends as well). My mom comes to pick me up. At this point, I\u2019m just like, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s over. My life is about to end,\u201d sort of thing. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I get in her car, her little Honda\u00ae Civic. She drives me home, and it\u2019s just silence. You know that experience? Where the silence is way more frightening than their yelling. I\u2019d much rather have her scream than be silent, so I\u2019m just shaking in my boots. I\u2019m just trying to figure out a plan: \"Okay, when we get home, if I can just run to my room, close the door, close my eyes, and just cover my ears, maybe it will just all go away. There will be no consequences.\u201d I knew it wasn\u2019t true, but I\u2019m just convincing myself.<\/p>\n<p>We get home in silence. She hasn\u2019t spoken a word. I run to my room; I close the door. There\u2019s nothing\u2014she doesn\u2019t knock on my door, nothing\u2014for a good long while.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Are you surprised?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Totally surprised, yes. I mean, I was bracing myself for the worst of it. And then, all of a sudden, I could smell food cooking in the kitchen. Eventually, about an hour into this, I open my door, and then, my mom speaks the first word she had spoken to me that entire time. She says, \u201cCome to the kitchen.\u201d We have a small, little dining table\u2014a single mom\u2014it was just her and me. I go to the dining table, and she\u2019s cooked all of this food. I mean, this elaborate meal. She sits me down, and I\u2019m still shaking in my boots. Now, I\u2019m really worried, like, \u201cWhat is\u2014? Did she poison the food?\u201d [Laughter] \u201cIs this how it ends? It\u2019s been a good 12-year run. I guess this is it.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I sit down. I can see on her face there is real emotion, and it wasn\u2019t just in that moment. I could tell that she\u2019s been cooking this meal and crying at the same time. I can see it on her face. She sits down. I\u2019m still bracing myself, like, \u201cOkay, here it comes.\u201d She looks at me, and the first words out of her mouth are\u2014she says to me, in Korean; she says, \u201cJay, you are my son, and you will always have a seat at my table.\u201d And then, we eat.<\/p>\n<p>I still\u2014I mean, this was 30 years ago\u2014and I will never forget that moment, because it was this incredible picture of\u2014not just a picture\u2014but it was, literally, a visceral experience of hearing and, literally, tasting grace; the grace of God expressed in this little Asian woman who was my mother. I go, and I embrace her. At that point, already\u2014my mom is 5 foot-nothing; at that point\u2014I was already bigger than her, even as a 12-year-old. I hugged her, and she hugged me. I remember having this experience: I am physically wrapping my arms around her, but I felt so enveloped in her immense love and grace toward me.<\/p>\n<p>It is still, to this day, the most beautiful\u2014simple [and] beautiful\u2014picture of God\u2019s grace for us, which I think matters so much when we\u2019re having conversations like this, because there is a little bit of: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get better. I\u2019ve got to get better.\u201d But ultimately, it\u2019s nothing but grace. God says we have a seat at His table.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. You\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Jay Kim on FamilyLife Today. We\u2019re going to hear some intentional reflection from the Wilsons and Jay, on the story you just heard Jay tell about his mom, here in just a second. But first, Jay Kim has written a book called Analog Church: Why We Need Real People, Places, and Things in the Digital Age. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to pick up a copy, or give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know, earlier this week, we had on the tremendous Elizabeth Woodson. She talked to us about finding joy when life is really not what you had hoped for. She\u2019s written a book called Embrace Your Life. It\u2019s a book for anyone grappling with the unmet longings and searching that they have for deep joy amidst the gap between their desired and actual life. It really helps with good, biblical insight and wisdom, practical guidance, and help on your journey to connect with God in the midst of disappointment.<\/p>\n<p>This book is going to be our gift to you when you give today. You can get your copy now of Elizabeth\u2019s book with any donation by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay, here is some intentional reflection from the Wilsons and Jay Kim.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I am sure you know the chorus [singing]: \u201cIn my Father\u2019s house, there\u2019s a place for me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember the first time I heard that lyric, I teared up, because I was raised by a single mom as well; Dad left. Even hearing your story, my mom continually did that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: She did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I did not deserve it, and she just kept giving grace. That\u2019s the heart of the Father.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a beautiful thing, and that\u2019s analog\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014that\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014you can see it [and] experience it digitally, but that\u2019s incarnation; that\u2019s flesh. That\u2019s the heart of the Father.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And He\u2019s always offering us that seat; that grace is the gospel message of, \u201cYou\u2019re always welcome at My table, always.\u201d I like the food part, too. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, yes. [Laughter] When I tell the story, it\u2019s the way our brain works\u2014the nostalgia. I can still smell the smells and taste the tastes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, I still remember. It was a Korean meal. My mom only knew how to cook Korean food, which is in vogue now. It wasn\u2019t back then. [Laughter] Friends [would] come over, [and] they were like, \u201cWhat\u2019s that smell, man?!\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cAhh!\u201d So embarrassing. My kids will never know the pain of ethnic food being an embarrassing thing. Now, it\u2019s so awesome. It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, here\u2019s some sushi.\u201d \u201cOh, you\u2019re so cool!\u201d It was not the case when I was a kid. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>But I can still smell the smells; yes, and taste the tastes. I can still see the table. I remember exactly what she cooked. For everybody, it\u2019s that picture: \u201cGod has a seat for you.\u201d The young mom, who\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m not cutting it,\u201d God has a seat for you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: He\u2019s cooked this beautiful, elaborate meal for you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: If you know anyone who needs to hear conversations like today\u2019s, would you share it from wherever you get your podcasts? And while you\u2019re there, you can really help others learn more about FamilyLife Today by leaving us a review.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, what is the need for real community, corporate worship, and the balance between digital and analog experiences in the church? Well, Jay Kim is back tomorrow to help us sort that out. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n"],"_edit_lock":["1744900534:47000"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_a14c4407bad15aee4a1677f26a7740a3209f8db9":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" \/]"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_atts_a14c4407bad15aee4a1677f26a7740a3209f8db9":["a:17:{s:2:\"to\";s:29:\"margaret.coyle@familylife.com\";s:7:\"subject\";s:87:\"[FamilyLife - A Cru Ministry] Social Media: When You Can\u2019t Stop Comparing: Jay Y. 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Kim and catch more of his thoughts at<a href=\"http:\/\/jaykimthinks.com\/\"> jaykimthinks.com <\/a>and listen to his podcast <a href=\"http:\/\/jaykimthinks.com\/podcast!\">jaykimthinks.com\/podcast<\/a> and follow him on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jaykimthinks\/\">Instagram<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jaykimthinks\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab Jay Y Kim's book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/analog-christian-cultivating-contentment-resilience-and-wisdom-in-the-digital-age\">Analog Christian on our shop.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Intrigued by today's episode? Think deeper about our phones in our FamilyLife episode, <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-are-screens-influencing-us\/\">How Are Screens Influencing Us?<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2024-02-29 10:15:00"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/4bad520f-c426-4a53-8c12-b154011c3004\/audio.mp3"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-280322.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-280322.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776513801;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Feeling low after scrolling, but don't know why? Social media can cause low self-esteem and addiction. Jay Y. Kim examines how to to unplug--and increase contentment. Show Notes and Resources Connect with Jay Y. Kim and catch more of his thoughts at jayki...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Connect with Jay Y. Kim and catch more of his thoughts at<a href=\"http:\/\/jaykimthinks.com\/\"> jaykimthinks.com <\/a>and listen to his podcast <a href=\"http:\/\/jaykimthinks.com\/podcast!\">jaykimthinks.com\/podcast<\/a> and follow him on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jaykimthinks\/\">Instagram<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jaykimthinks\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab Jay Y Kim's book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/analog-christian-cultivating-contentment-resilience-and-wisdom-in-the-digital-age\">Analog Christian on our shop.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Intrigued by today's episode? Think deeper about our phones in our FamilyLife episode, <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-are-screens-influencing-us\/\">How Are Screens Influencing Us?<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-02-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Social Media: When You Can\u2019t Stop Comparing<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Jay Y. Kim<\/p>\n<p>From the series:Help! I\u2019m Addicted to My Phone (Day 2 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:February 29, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Paul lays it out really clearly, that the fruit of the Spirit is stuff like love, joy, peace; and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness; gentleness, self-control. So then, we have to ask ourselves the question: \u201cAm I patient? Do I have self-control? Am I a person who is kind and good?\u201d\u2014not just face to face but on Facebook\u00ae? And if we\u2019re not, then we have to ask a deeper question: \u201cOkay, what is really in me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. Your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I got a new idea\u2014I just thought of this on my own: \u201cWhat if we put our phones to bed before we go to bed at night, and then we wake up\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014somewhere else? Besides the bedroom, really?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, I just came up with that. What do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think it\u2019s great! [Laughter] So, we\u2019ll dock\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014I might even write a book with something like that in it. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But honestly, what if everybody did that?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: We\u2019re laughing because Jay Kim, the author of that idea, is sitting across the studio from us. And you\u2019re being quiet. You\u2019re not even interrupting, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s my idea!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Well, it wasn\u2019t original to me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It wasn\u2019t?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: I got it from\u2014no, no! I got it from Andy Crouch\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014oh, that\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014so, credit where credit is due.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Look at that\u2014I take it, then he doesn\u2019t even own it. He gives it to the actual source, Andy Crouch. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, it\u2019s kind of a double steal. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, it is. Well, Jay, welcome back\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014to FamilyLife Today. You traveled all the way from California, where you\u2019re a pastor. We\u2019re talking about a book you wrote how many years ago? Five years ago?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Analog Christian came out just a year ago.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Oh.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: But you know, book writing is a long process. I wrote the words, probably, three years ago [or] something like that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes. Well, if you missed yesterday\u2014I\u2019m talking to our listeners now, go back and listen, because I\u2019m not kidding, that idea that you shared yesterday, I\u2019m embarrassed to say I don\u2019t do that. I\u2019ve never done that. Actually, when you said it yesterday, I was [thinking], \u201cThere\u2019s no way you can function in this world without your phone sitting right beside you on a nightstand, [Laughter] and your Apple\u00ae watch or your digital watch on your wrist at all times.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yesterday, I was preaching at a church. Before the service, I walked into the lobby and said \u201cHi,\u201d to people. I didn\u2019t have my phone in my pocket, and I felt naked. I was like, \u201cWhere in the world is my phone? I can\u2019t function without it.\u201d That\u2019s the digital world we live in. You don\u2019t have that anymore?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: I still do, I still do. It\u2019s not\u2014it\u2019s a long journey, it\u2019s a long process. I can relate, Dave. If I don\u2019t know where my phone is, and I\u2019m out and about, yes, there\u2019s sort of a frantic thing that happens in my soul: \u201cWhere\u2019s my phone? Where\u2019s my phone?\u201d But it\u2019s definitely gotten better. That\u2019s the hopeful possibility: it can get better.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s interesting. We were talking yesterday about my wife and how she\u2019s off social media. She\u2019s probably the one who should write the book. She\u2019s far more disciplined than me.<\/p>\n<p>This has happened multiple times, where we are going out for the day. We\u2019ve got the kids with us. We\u2019re taking them to a birthday party, and then, a lunch with friends; and then we\u2019re going somewhere else, doing some shopping. We\u2019re not going to be back for six-seven hours. This has happened multiple times, where we\u2019re ten minutes into the drive, [and] she looks around, and she says, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t have my phone.\u201d And then, she\u2019ll say, \u201cEh, I don\u2019t need it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m making a commitment right now\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014ahhh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014I would love our listeners to join me, because I think you hit something that is so true. We need\u2014I need\u2014to put my phone to bed before I go to bed, and it doesn\u2019t need to be on the nightstand, three inches from my ear where I can just reach over. The first thing I do, when I wake up, is grab it,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014oh, me, too.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014look at the calendar, whatever.<\/p>\n<p>You said yesterday [that] your ritual [is] getting up in the morning and taking some time reading a Psalm. That is just wisdom.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I guess I better go buy some alarm clocks.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, I need to. That\u2019s a great idea.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m not sure I can go all the way; get rid of my watch! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: My watch can wake me up. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: As long as I set it on my phone, my watch will buzz on my wrist, and we\u2019ll wake up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Jay, you shared a little bit why you wrote this book, Analog Christian. Remind the listeners: \u201cWhy this book?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jay: My own digital addictions. [Laughter] It\u2019s a funny thing, writing a book. You\u2019re offering something that you hope is helpful for people\u2014and that\u2019s true of this book, but really, the book is part confession, part prayer.<\/p>\n<p>I do think it will be helpful, because I know I\u2019m not alone; but it really is confession and prayer. I wrote the book because I knew I had a problem. I got to the place where I did not want to become the sort of person I saw myself becoming, a person who was shaped by my device.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a long journey, but writing the book was really helpful for me. It gave me a framework for understanding, in part, why I was feeling the way I was feeling about all of life, and how my digital addiction was playing a significant part in that. And then, a lot of hope in the words of Scripture; and Paul\u2019s words, specifically, in Galatians 5 [verses 22-23] about the fruit of the Spirit. That just really became key to unlocking so much for me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Let\u2019s talk about the fruit of the Spirit. In fact, I highlighted [it]. Right in the beginning [of the book], you make this comment about Paul\u2019s words in Galatians 5; he says (and you write): \u201cIn other words, the Spirit\u2019s fruit is not about doing particular things in order to be a particular people. Conversely, it\u2019s about being a particular people, which inevitably leads to a particular sort of living and doing in the world. More specifically, it\u2019s about the fact that our identification as the people of God is marked by the living Spirit of God working in us and through us.\u201d That is a simple thought, but the fruit is a result of our identity in Christ. Explain that.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, every Christian, every follower of Jesus, the Bible tells us, in no uncertain terms, that God lives in us. Not that we are God; the Spirit of God resides, makes His home in us. That idea of the people of God being the temple of God is really profound. Throughout the Bible, the temple is the place where heaven and earth would meet, where God-space and human-space would intersect. That\u2019s us now; that\u2019s me.<\/p>\n<p>What Paul is saying is: \u201cIf you are a follower of Jesus, God is not just some divine Being, floating out in the ether somewhere; His Spirit is literally in you.\u201d What that means is that your life is an expression of the thing that is in you. So then, we have to ask the question: \u201cIs my life an expression of the things of God?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Paul lays it out really clearly, that the fruit of the Spirit is stuff like love, joy, peace; and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness; gentleness, self-control; so then, we have to ask ourselves the question: \u201cAm I patient? Do I have self-control? Am I a person who is kind and good?\u201d Not just face to face, but on Facebook\u00ae? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>We have to ask ourselves those questions. And if we\u2019re not, then we have to ask a deeper question: \u201cOkay, what is really in me?\u201d because this is all coming out; it is spewing out of me. It\u2019s reflective of what\u2019s in me. And then\u2014at least, for me\u2014I have the sobering reality: \u201cI think there is a lot of stuff in here that isn\u2019t the Spirit of God.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And a lot of that is shaped by the digital world. Your subtitle, Cultivating Contentment; how does the digital world make us discontent?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Well, social media, in particular (and media, in general, online), runs on the fuel of comparison. That\u2019s not conjecture. I\u2019m not making that up or whipping that up that it\u2019s in there. The research shows us that. When comparison is the driving force of your life, it is impossible to be content; literally, impossible.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, peace is out the window.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: It\u2019s out the window.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, I would say love, really, is out the window; joy is certainly out the window.<\/p>\n<p>Because love, at its essence, is not about [what] culture tells us: it\u2019s butterflies in the stomach and feeling good; but really, biblically, the Bible tells us in 1 John, Chapter 4: \u201cThis is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.\u201d Love is a selfless act of the will to give ourselves to another for their good.<\/p>\n<p>That is not what social media asks us to do. What social media asks us to do is catch up to the glossy highlights of all of our friends and family who are posting, not their real lives; they\u2019re just posting\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014the highlights.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014the vacation they took to the Maldives. But you know that their real life is, on Monday, they are going to be back in the cubicle. But we\u2019re not thinking about that. We\u2019re just thinking about the fact that: \u201cI\u2019m in my cubicle, and they\u2019re enjoying this white-sand beach in the Maldives.\u201d That creates something in us, something that isn\u2019t of God It\u2019s comparison. It\u2019s not joy, it\u2019s not love, it\u2019s not peace, it\u2019s not contentment.<\/p>\n<p>I think God has a life of contentment for us. I think about young parents\u2014I hear this from young moms in our church all the time: every young mom I know thinks they\u2019re the worst parent on the planet. By definition, that can\u2019t be possible. [Laughter] There can only be one worst parent on the planet; that\u2019s what makes them the worst. The chances are, you are not that parent.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just that you\u2019re comparing to the glossy highlights of all of your other mom friends who are posting the beautiful picture of their child, taken by a professional photographer, filtered perfectly, about how much she loved them so much, while you are trying to get your kid to eat their carrots, and they\u2019re throwing a tantrum. When in reality, intellectually, you know that perfect child on Instagram\u00ae also throws tantrums because he doesn\u2019t want to eat his carrots, but you\u2019re not looking at that. And then, it just undoes all the stuff in us. That\u2019s not the life God has for us.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I really love, as you go through each one of the fruit\u2014you go through love, and then you go through the other side: instead of self-centric despair. Why that? How did you end up with that one? That\u2019s pretty heavy.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes. We think that our smartphones are windows into the world, but they\u2019re not. They\u2019re mirrors. Self-centric despair\u2014what I mean by that phrase is, the inability to see life through any perspective or paradigm other than the perspective and paradigm of self. We think social media is a window because we see photos and posts from people. But really, the way it is designed is those posts are just mirrors, screaming back at you: \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you more like this? Why can\u2019t you think like this? Why don\u2019t you understand this?\u201d They\u2019re just mirrors.<\/p>\n<p>What it does is\u2014people say, \u201cJay, how can I get off Facebook? I won\u2019t know what my friends are up to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Right.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: First of all, let\u2019s just be honest: \u201cYou don\u2019t know what your friends are up to. You know little snippets of what they want you to know of what they are up to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In any meaningful relationship\u2014like the two of you\u2014if your relationship was mediated by just snippets of your life you wanted the other person to know, that would not be a meaningful relationship. That would be a curated exchange of information, sort of like, \u201cI\u2019m going to put on my best so I reflect myself as a particular type of person.\u201d But that\u2019s not genuine. That\u2019s why we have self-centric despair; because we\u2019re actually so utterly disconnected from each other. Even though social media sort of tells us we\u2019re so connected\u2014this global village\u2014it\u2019s just not true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I\u2019m thinking of the listener with their high school or middle school kids on TikTok\u00ae; they\u2019re on everything. The parent can see there\u2019s a self-centric despair in the child. They might have them, too, but especially, you can see it in your kids. As they\u2019re listening; and they feel like, \u201cI don\u2019t have any control of them, with my high schooler.\u201d How do you encourage them with that whole point?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: My kids are young, so I speak with no expertise here. I don\u2019t really know directly, first-hand, what it\u2019s like to parent a teenager. I do know it is uniquely challenging to be a teenager these days, in large part, due to the digital revolution. I think one of the things\u2014big picture, I would say\u2014is, it doesn\u2019t seem that effective\u2014I could be wrong here, but it doesn\u2019t seem that effective\u2014to try to force someone to break an addiction. It seems like it\u2019s more effective to help someone become addicted to something else.<\/p>\n<p>For us in our home, even though my kids are eight and five, and they don\u2019t have smartphones, they still have screen time. We limit the screen time significantly. We have a digital Sabbath day every week, so Saturday is our digital Sabbath. What that means is, we will mediate almost nothing with a screen. So, we\u2019re not watching TV or watching a movie. We put our phones away quite a bit. We don\u2019t just say that. We don\u2019t say, \u201cOkay, kids, no screens today,\u201d and then, just leave it be. What we do is, we try to replace the time.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m in California, so we have great weather nine-ten months out of the year. Most Saturdays will be spent outdoors. We\u2019ll go on a small hike; we\u2019ll eat our meals in our backyard\u2014we\u2019ll cook or I\u2019ll barbeque, and we\u2019ll eat in the backyard; and the kids can play. We\u2019ve got a couple of friends\u2014the kids have a couple of friends in the neighborhood, [and] we\u2019ll invite them over to play in the front yard and have snacks out there. We\u2019ll go out for a dessert somewhere. We try to create moments that help our kids feel like the space is not empty. And now, they\u2019re just clambering for: \u201cCan we just watch a movie?\u201d Instead, we\u2019re saying (it\u2019s the invitation of the Scriptures): \u201cTaste and see that the Lord is good.\u201d \u201cWell, taste and see that physical, embodied experiences, as a family and as friends, is so good.\u201d We\u2019re seeing the fruit of it. Our kids look forward to those moments.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: If you really want to \u201ctaste and see that the Lord is good\u201d [Psalm 34:8], you have to stop and rest. Turn off the phone; put the phone away\u2014just almost like Sabbath rest\u2014and say, \u201cLord, I am going to put away all distractions, and I want to experience You. I really want to taste and see You.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s almost like you could say, \u201cTaste and see that the Lord is better than digital. Taste and see that the Lord is better than anything we\u2019ll have on any screen, because He is good and has more for us. We can expect more as we taste and see His goodness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And I don\u2019t think we really taste until we put that other away. It has to be put aside, and your eyes turned toward Him.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cLet\u2019s do that this week, or this year, or for our lives. Let\u2019s put it away and see how good God is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I heard you tell a story on YouTube [about] when you ran away from home. Tell that story, because that was such a great story of your life about what\u2019s really true.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, I grew up with a single mom. I was a pretty rebellious teenager [in] middle school and high school. I would get into fights with my mom all the time. There was one day, in particular\u2014a really, really big fight. I yelled at her; I cursed at her; I mean, all sorts of things. She\u2019s yelling back at me. I knew, at that point, \u201cI am in so much trouble.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>So, I got on my bike, and I rode up this expressway, probably five or six miles to a friend\u2019s house; my friend, Brent (I knew he was home). I\u2019m only 12 at this point. I knock on his door. I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, I got in this huge fight with my mom.\u201d I\u2019m saying all sorts of mean things about her. I asked him, \u201cCan I just stay with you?\u201d He\u2019s like, \u201cSure, come in.\u201d I\u2019m hanging out with Brent at [his] home.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually, later that evening, his mother comes home. She\u2019s like, \u201cOh, does your mom know you\u2019re here? When is she picking you up?\u201d I just say, \u201cNo, I\u2019m living with you now.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cI\u2019m your new son.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cNo.\u201d She calls my mom (my mom and she were friends as well). My mom comes to pick me up. At this point, I\u2019m just like, \u201cOkay, it\u2019s over. My life is about to end,\u201d sort of thing. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I get in her car, her little Honda\u00ae Civic. She drives me home, and it\u2019s just silence. You know that experience? Where the silence is way more frightening than their yelling. I\u2019d much rather have her scream than be silent, so I\u2019m just shaking in my boots. I\u2019m just trying to figure out a plan: \"Okay, when we get home, if I can just run to my room, close the door, close my eyes, and just cover my ears, maybe it will just all go away. There will be no consequences.\u201d I knew it wasn\u2019t true, but I\u2019m just convincing myself.<\/p>\n<p>We get home in silence. She hasn\u2019t spoken a word. I run to my room; I close the door. There\u2019s nothing\u2014she doesn\u2019t knock on my door, nothing\u2014for a good long while.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Are you surprised?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Totally surprised, yes. I mean, I was bracing myself for the worst of it. And then, all of a sudden, I could smell food cooking in the kitchen. Eventually, about an hour into this, I open my door, and then, my mom speaks the first word she had spoken to me that entire time. She says, \u201cCome to the kitchen.\u201d We have a small, little dining table\u2014a single mom\u2014it was just her and me. I go to the dining table, and she\u2019s cooked all of this food. I mean, this elaborate meal. She sits me down, and I\u2019m still shaking in my boots. Now, I\u2019m really worried, like, \u201cWhat is\u2014? Did she poison the food?\u201d [Laughter] \u201cIs this how it ends? It\u2019s been a good 12-year run. I guess this is it.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I sit down. I can see on her face there is real emotion, and it wasn\u2019t just in that moment. I could tell that she\u2019s been cooking this meal and crying at the same time. I can see it on her face. She sits down. I\u2019m still bracing myself, like, \u201cOkay, here it comes.\u201d She looks at me, and the first words out of her mouth are\u2014she says to me, in Korean; she says, \u201cJay, you are my son, and you will always have a seat at my table.\u201d And then, we eat.<\/p>\n<p>I still\u2014I mean, this was 30 years ago\u2014and I will never forget that moment, because it was this incredible picture of\u2014not just a picture\u2014but it was, literally, a visceral experience of hearing and, literally, tasting grace; the grace of God expressed in this little Asian woman who was my mother. I go, and I embrace her. At that point, already\u2014my mom is 5 foot-nothing; at that point\u2014I was already bigger than her, even as a 12-year-old. I hugged her, and she hugged me. I remember having this experience: I am physically wrapping my arms around her, but I felt so enveloped in her immense love and grace toward me.<\/p>\n<p>It is still, to this day, the most beautiful\u2014simple [and] beautiful\u2014picture of God\u2019s grace for us, which I think matters so much when we\u2019re having conversations like this, because there is a little bit of: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get better. I\u2019ve got to get better.\u201d But ultimately, it\u2019s nothing but grace. God says we have a seat at His table.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. You\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Jay Kim on FamilyLife Today. We\u2019re going to hear some intentional reflection from the Wilsons and Jay, on the story you just heard Jay tell about his mom, here in just a second. But first, Jay Kim has written a book called Analog Church: Why We Need Real People, Places, and Things in the Digital Age. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com to pick up a copy, or give us a call at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know, earlier this week, we had on the tremendous Elizabeth Woodson. She talked to us about finding joy when life is really not what you had hoped for. She\u2019s written a book called Embrace Your Life. It\u2019s a book for anyone grappling with the unmet longings and searching that they have for deep joy amidst the gap between their desired and actual life. It really helps with good, biblical insight and wisdom, practical guidance, and help on your journey to connect with God in the midst of disappointment.<\/p>\n<p>This book is going to be our gift to you when you give today. You can get your copy now of Elizabeth\u2019s book with any donation by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay, here is some intentional reflection from the Wilsons and Jay Kim.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I am sure you know the chorus [singing]: \u201cIn my Father\u2019s house, there\u2019s a place for me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I remember the first time I heard that lyric, I teared up, because I was raised by a single mom as well; Dad left. Even hearing your story, my mom continually did that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: She did.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I did not deserve it, and she just kept giving grace. That\u2019s the heart of the Father.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a beautiful thing, and that\u2019s analog\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Jay: \u2014that\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014you can see it [and] experience it digitally, but that\u2019s incarnation; that\u2019s flesh. That\u2019s the heart of the Father.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And He\u2019s always offering us that seat; that grace is the gospel message of, \u201cYou\u2019re always welcome at My table, always.\u201d I like the food part, too. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, yes. [Laughter] When I tell the story, it\u2019s the way our brain works\u2014the nostalgia. I can still smell the smells and taste the tastes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really?<\/p>\n<p>Jay: Yes, I still remember. It was a Korean meal. My mom only knew how to cook Korean food, which is in vogue now. It wasn\u2019t back then. [Laughter] Friends [would] come over, [and] they were like, \u201cWhat\u2019s that smell, man?!\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cAhh!\u201d So embarrassing. My kids will never know the pain of ethnic food being an embarrassing thing. Now, it\u2019s so awesome. It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, here\u2019s some sushi.\u201d \u201cOh, you\u2019re so cool!\u201d It was not the case when I was a kid. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>But I can still smell the smells; yes, and taste the tastes. I can still see the table. I remember exactly what she cooked. For everybody, it\u2019s that picture: \u201cGod has a seat for you.\u201d The young mom, who\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m not cutting it,\u201d God has a seat for you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Jay: He\u2019s cooked this beautiful, elaborate meal for you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s so good.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: If you know anyone who needs to hear conversations like today\u2019s, would you share it from wherever you get your podcasts? And while you\u2019re there, you can really help others learn more about FamilyLife Today by leaving us a review.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, what is the need for real community, corporate worship, and the balance between digital and analog experiences in the church? Well, Jay Kim is back tomorrow to help us sort that out. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280322","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280322"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280322"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280322"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280322"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}