{"id":280314,"date":"2024-03-12T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2024-03-12T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson\/"},"modified":"2024-11-19T04:15:25","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T09:15:25","slug":"when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson\/","title":{"rendered":"When Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband: Ann Wilson"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Maybe your husband&#8217;s buried in his phone. Lost in work. Clueless about household chores. It&#8217;s tempting to want to fix him, right? But what if all that nagging is doing more harm than good? Ann Wilson has been there, done that. She&#8217;s got wisdom to share about the freedom that comes when we let go of the constant nagging.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Maybe your husband&#8217;s buried in his phone. Lost in work. Clueless about household chores. It&#8217;s tempting to want to fix him, right? But what if all that nagging is doing more harm than good? Ann Wilson has been there, done that. She&#8217;s got wisdom to share ab&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/cf221e63-6c52-4a08-adcc-b154011c1ce3\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:35:11","filesize":"32.25M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2160],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3554],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280314","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-love-like-you-mean-it-cruise","cwp_profile-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280314\/when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280314\/when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ulfqxFVJN4\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson\/\">When Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband: Ann Wilson<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-words-wound-how-to-build-or-break-your-husband-ann-wilson\/embed\/#?secret=ulfqxFVJN4\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;When Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband: Ann Wilson&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ulfqxFVJN4\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["MS-017568"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/cf221e63-6c52-4a08-adcc-b154011c1ce3\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:35:11"],"filesize":["32.25M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280866"],"show_notes":["\n<p> Learn more about FamilyLife Today hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/dave-and-ann-wilson\/\">here<\/a>!<br \/> Set sail on the ultimate romantic getaway! Book now for the 2025 Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise, sailing from Miami, FL on February 8 - 15, 2025. Don't miss our LLYMI Cruise Madness Sale! Secure your spot at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com<\/a>.<br \/> Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/> <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/> Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/> Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/> Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a> <\/p>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-03-12.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nWhen Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband\r\n\r\nGuest:Ann Wilson\r\n\r\nFrom the series:When Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband (Day 1 of 1)\r\n\r\nAir date:March 12, 2024\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m folding clothes, and I start thinking and complaining about Dave. \u201cHe\u2019s never home! He\u2019s not going to be home tonight! He\u2019s not going to put the kids to bed. He\u2019s not here!\u201d I\u2019m going through all of that, and I felt like\u2014when I was on this journey, when God was getting my attention, I felt like\u2014He said, \u201cWhat would happen if you prayed as much as you complain?\u201d \r\n\r\nI thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never tried that!\u201d Because I was so in the habit of going down this rut of complaining about Dave in my head. \r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nDave: This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nAnn: So, this week has been fun! We\u2019ve been listening to some of the amazing content experienced on our Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise, and it feels like we just got off the boat. It was pretty spectacular!\r\n\r\nDave: It was spectacular. And today, you get to hear a message from one of my\u2014not one of my, my favorite speakers in all the world\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014oh, Dave! You don\u2019t have to say that!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and it\u2019s my wife, who is sitting right beside me, [Laughter] Ann Wilson, when you got up to speak to the women on the boat.\r\n\r\nAnn: Well, there\u2019s something about when women get away\u2014when they all get together; we just have a chance to pause, just to take a breath and to listen to God\u2019s Word. There\u2019s something about that; the Holy Spirit has a chance to move. And we can hear from God! I\u2019m not saying that what I said was so incredible\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014I\u2019ll say it! It was.\r\n\r\nAnn: No, but there is something that happens when women are together. We can connect to God together. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes; and I\u2019ll just say this: if you\u2019re listening to this, and you\u2019re like, \u201cI want to be on that boat next year,\u201d we had a men\u2019s talk as well, where just the men were together; all the rest were couples. You can sign up right now for Love Like You Mean It 2025 at FamilyLifeToday.com. I\u2019m telling you, you\u2019d better sign up, because it will fill up quickly. \r\n\r\nThese are the kinds of messages you will get to hear. So, here\u2019s Ann Wilson from this past cruise.\r\n\r\n[Recorded Message]\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m going to take you back to a story [that] maybe some of you have heard. For me\u2014have you ever had those moments in life of, \u201cThis moment in life changed everything?\u201d It changed everything in my present and in my future, and it will continue to do that. \r\n\r\nSo, go back with me in time. I\u2019d probably been married 15 or 20 years; Dave and I were speaking at our church. Some of the women came to me and said, \u201cCould you come and speak to our moms and our women in this group?\u201d I said, \u201cI would love to! Do you want me to bring Dave?\u201d He\u2019s the Pastor of the church; he founded the church. They all love him. They were saying, \u201cYes! Bring Dave!\u201d\r\n\r\nI asked Dave: \u201cWhat should we speak about? What do you want to talk about?\u201d He said, \u201cI don\u2019t know? Let\u2019s just get up there and wing it!\u201d [Laughter] I said [trembling voice], \u201cWe\u2019re going to wing it? What does that even mean?\u201d So, we were sitting on these two stools as this church, and Dave gets going. He\u2019s animated! I\u2019m listening, and he says to the women\u2014he was sitting there, but then he stands up, and he gets right in front of the women. He says, \u201cI don\u2019t even know if you women get what it\u2019s like for us as men!\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cGrowing up, someone basically looked at us and cheered for us, like, \u2018Oh, look at my son!\u2019 [Applause] \u2018Look at my boy! Look at him!\u2019 So, they\u2019re cheering for us!\u201d And then he said, \u201cAnd then, we get older, we get in school, and we find our niche of what we\u2019re good at, so we have a teacher or a coach or a musician\u2014someone to say, \u2018Hey! You are good at this!\u2019 They start cheering for us.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd I\u2019m sitting back here thinking, \u201cHe has never said anything like this, ever, in our lives. [Laughter] And then, he said, \u201cThen I got older, and I played college football. On Saturdays, I had a stadium full of people cheering for me: \u2018Dave Wilson! You\u2019re the man! You\u2019re the man!\u2019 I [thought], \u201cYes, I never have thought of that. That\u2019s good!\u201d \r\n\r\nThen, he said, \u201cAnd then, I married Ann.\u201d [Laughter] No! \u201cShe looked at me and said, before we got married, \u2018Dave Wilson, I choose you! You are the man!\u2019 She\u2019s just like, \u2018Yeah!\u2019\u201d [Applause] I\u2019m sitting back here [thinking], \u201cYes, I did! I did do that!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cBecause you are the man!\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd then, he gets quiet. The women are like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s next?\u201d He says, \u201cAnd then, we get married. I walk through the door\u2014I walk into the house\u2014at the end of the day, and all I hear is, \u201cBoo! Boo! Boo!\u201d [Laughter] I don\u2019t even know what just happened! I was [thinking], \u201cWhat are you talking about!?\u201d I don\u2019t even know how we ended that entire talk, because, first, I was so humiliated. Second, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t \u2018boo\u2019 you!\u201d That was all going on in my head! So, then, we get in the car. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nI turn to him\u2014I was embarrassed! I was saying, \u201cThat\u2019s not right!\u201d I turned to him and said, \u201cYou think I \u2018boo\u2019 you!? I am helping you!\u201d [Laughter] And he turned to me and said, \u201cAnn, it just feels like I can\u2019t do anything right. You have to tweak it. You have to fix it. You have to maneuver it. You have to do all the things because I\u2019m not doing it right. So, you have to fix me!\u201d And I said, \u201cI know.\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nI\u2019m not kidding! That\u2019s exactly what I said: \u201cI see everything! Everybody at church is saying, \u2018Oh, Dave! Oh, you\u2019re so amazing!\u2019 I see it all! And I can help you to be better. I can help you!\u201d And he said, \u201cAnn, is it working?\u201d I said, \u201cNo! It is not working. So, I have to yell louder! I have to say things more meanly. I have to get your attention.\u201d He said, \u201cBut it\u2019s not working.\u201d I said, \u201cI know.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo, okay, this whole thing [is], I really thought, \u201cI am the Holy Spirit\u2019s helper.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cThe Holy Spirit\u2019s a Helper, but I\u2019m also the helper.\u201d So, here\u2019s what was going through my mind\u2014maybe, you have felt this, too\u2014it felt like I could help him. I didn\u2019t want to verbally affirm him. This is so messed up in my logic; this kind of says who I am. I didn\u2019t want to cheer him or affirm him, because I thought, \u201cIf I do that, he\u2019ll think I\u2019m satisfied, and then, he\u2019ll get worse.\u201d [Laughter] Does that make sense? It\u2019s like enabling him to be bad.\r\n\r\nPlus, \u201ceverybody else is cheering for him, so his head will get even bigger if I say anything positive.\u201d So, I\u2019m trying to go through this whole thing. We end up getting home, and I said to God\u2014I\u2019m all by myself, and I go into this little corner of my room, and I sit on the floor, and I said: \u201cLord, can You believe he said that!?\u201d [Laughter] But the, I asked a question: \u201cJesus, do I \u2018boo\u2019 Dave?\u201d\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave: We are listening to a message that my wife, Ann, gave on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise just a few weeks ago. Let me tell you, I sort of snuck in there a couple of times, and that room was silent. They were engaged with what you were saying. And I could just feel how God was working in that room. And I\u2019ve lived the result of God speaking to you. It\u2019s transformed our marriage, both with how I speak to you with words of life, and how you speak to me. You\u2019ve made me the man I am today.\r\n\r\nThe fact that the women got to hear that and, hopefully, go home and live that was pretty exciting to me. Let\u2019s jump back in and hear Ann\u2019s message on the cruise:\r\n\r\n[Recorded Message]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cJesus, do I \u2018boo\u2019 Dave?\u201d And in my spirit, I felt like He said, \u201cYes.\u201d So, I\u2019ve been on a journey, and I\u2019m telling you, I\u2019m still in recovery. Any day, I can slip back; but I\u2019ve learned a lot since that time, and I want to share with you some of the things that I\u2019ve learned.\r\n\r\nLet\u2019s go back to the book of Genesis. In Genesis 2:18, this is the woman being created. It\u2019s our purpose. It\u2019s who we are. So, when you look at Eve being created, it says this; it says, \u201cThe Lord God said, \u2018It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him\u2019.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd I think I\u2019ve shared this here before, but when Dave and I started speaking for the Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaways, we teach this. I remember getting to this part of the Scripture, and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m out! I don\u2019t want to be that \u2018helper.\u2019\u201d And here\u2019s what I really thought: \u201cWhy do I have to be the helper?\u201d [Laughter] \u201cWhere\u2019s my helper!?\u201d [Laughter] Do you know what I mean? It doesn\u2019t say that Adam is a helper; it says the woman is a helper. \r\n\r\nI was so mad at that! I know that Genesis was written in Hebrew; the Old Testament is Hebrew. So, I decided, before I get into Hebrew, I\u2019m just going to see what Webster\u2019s Dictionary says. And it says: \u201ca gopher, a person who does the dirty work; someone important tells them what to do.\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cSee! That\u2019s exactly why I don\u2019t want to be the helper!\u201d \r\n\r\nI was telling Dave, \u201cHow frustrating is that? Why can\u2019t you be my helper?\u201d We were going through this whole thing, and he said, \u201cYou need to look it up in Hebrew, so, I did that.\u201d A few years ago, I did a study by Kristi McLelland, Jesus and Women. It\u2019s one of the best studies I\u2019ve done. She is a professor; she is a Hebrew culturalist. And she went over and studied in Israel for a while. So, she talks, in her Bible study\u2014and you\u2019ve probably heard some of this from other teachers\u2014[about] those words, \u201chelper suitable.\u201d Eve was to be a \u201chelper suitable.\u201d We, as wives, are to be a \u201chelper suitable\u201d for our husbands. \r\n\r\nIt's not the gopher, or the person who does the dirty work. Many times in Scripture, God is referred to as \u201cthe helper.\u201d In fact, if you look at the Scripture, I\u2019m going to take you down to Deuteronomy 33:7. Do you know that these are the last words, when Moses was praying over each tribe of Israel? He prayed this over Judah; this was his prayer: \u201cAnd this he said about Judah: Hear, Lord, the cry of Judah. Bring him to his people. With his own hands, he defends his cause.\u201d (And this is the part.) \u201cOh, be his help against his foes!\u201d \u201cBe his ezer.\u201d That word, \u201chelper,\u201d is ezer. \u201cBe his ezer against his foes.\u201d \r\n\r\nImagine you, being your husband\u2019s ezer, or a helper against his foes. That makes it really different. Psalm 71 says, \u201cMake haste, O Lord, to deliver me. O Lord, make haste to ezer me\u201d (or \u201chelp\u201d me). This is God! This is the warrior God, coming to help His people. Then, also, in Psalm 40:17, it says, \u201cBut as for me, I am poor and needy. Come quickly to me, O God! You are my ezer and my deliverer. Lord, do not delay.\u201d\r\n\r\nSo, when we look at that word, \u201chelper,\u201d or ezer, I like those terms, because I am helping Dave in battle. One of the things Kristi McLelland said\u2014when she was over in Israel, she said\u2014that she got to know a rabbi who was in his late 70\u2019s. He had a long, white beard. She said, \u201cRabbi, when you look at these words, \u2018helper suitable,\u2019 or ezer kenedgo, what do you think it means for the wife, for Eve, and for us as women today?\u201d \r\n\r\nHere's what he said\u2014he said, \u201cOh, Kristi! God knew there was an enemy in the Garden, and [that] it would take two of them together to defeat the enemy.\u201d Isn\u2019t that good? I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve thought about this in a while, but you\u2019re experiencing this. There\u2019s a battle going on for our marriages. There\u2019s a battle going on in our culture for marriage between a man and a woman. And I\u2019m telling you that there\u2019s a battle raging over you and your marriage. It takes us together to battle!\r\n\r\nAnd then, that word kenedgo\u2014I had never heard of that word, kenedgo. Do you know what it means? It\u2019s never used any other time in Scripture, but it describes the woman, and it means \u201ctoe-to-toe.\u201d She will stand toe-to-toe. Some of you are smiling, because you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, yes! I can do that! I will stand toe-to-toe.\u201d But I think of us, as women, and how we\u2019re protective of our people, of our children. We will stand toe-to-toe. But isn\u2019t that interesting, when you think of the battle going on in the Garden, it would take them standing together, fighting the enemy together.\r\n\r\nAnd the enemy\u2014what\u2019s his goal? \u201cTo steal, kill, and destroy\u201d [John 10:10] you and your marriage. So, what does it feel like, and what does it look like, to be that ezer kenedgo?\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019re listening to Ann Wilson\u2019s message on the Love Like You Mean It cruise. [Laughter] \r\n\r\nAnn: That sounds so weird!\r\n\r\nDave: It sounds weird to talk about you, sitting right here; but you were fired up!\r\n\r\nAnn: I think I\u2019m so fired up because this was new to me. I didn\u2019t grow up in a Christian home, and what I thought Christian women were supposed to be was doormats. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Some man will just walk all over her or tell her what to do; or fetch things for your husband. But this is a vital component for women to understand. We\u2019re to stand beside and with and around our husbands in battle; to fight the enemy; to protect our families. Our husband is protecting them, but we, as women, are there beside him, helping to protect.\r\n\r\nDave: So, let\u2019s go back, and let\u2019s hear the end of this message.\r\n\r\n[Recorded Message]\r\n\r\nAnn: To get the marriage you want\u2014getting the marriage you hoped for\u2014starts first in your mind and in your thoughts. So, that day that I came home, and I got down on my\u2014sitting before God; when I said, \u201cGod, do I \u2018boo\u2019 Dave?\u201d and I felt like, \u201cyes,\u201d I had this impression and I felt like God was saying, \u201cKeep track of your thoughts. Take track of how you think about Dave.\u201d\r\n\r\nI would challenge all of you to start thinking: what are your thoughts about your husband? And I\u2019m going to say this, because I had to do this with my kids, too: what are your thoughts about your kids? I would just spin out of control with my thoughts. I think I shared this one time. I was doing the laundry one time, and I had just gotten into this habit or pattern\u2014you know how they\u2019re talking about brain science now? How when you keep thinking a certain way, you create a neurological pathway? \r\n\r\nI\u2019m folding clothes, and I start thinking and complaining about Dave. \u201cHe\u2019s never home! He\u2019s not going to be home tonight! He\u2019s not going to put the kids to bed. He\u2019s not here!\u201d I\u2019m going through all of that, and I felt like\u2014when I was on this journey, when God was getting my attention, I felt like\u2014He said, \u201cWhat would happen if you prayed as much as you complain?\u201d \r\n\r\nI thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never tried that!\u201d Because I was so in the habit of going down this rut of complaining about Dave in my head. Recently, we had on [FamilyLife Today] an author, Ted Lowe. He wrote the book Us in Mind. In his book, he has a lot of the brain science information. According to the National Science Foundation, people on average have about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Eighty percent of those thoughts are negative, and 95% of those thoughts are repetitive.\r\n\r\nHere are some examples of negative thoughts that are common:\r\n\r\n\u201cWhy should I try? My spouse never tries.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019m not the one who needs to change. He needs to change.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019m just not attracted to him.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cDivorce is not uncommon. It\u2019s the right option for us.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cMarriage is an outdated institution. Who needs it?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd I put down\u2014here are my thoughts; here are the things that I kept [thinking] over and over and over:\r\n\r\n\u201cI do everything around here.\u201d (I said that the other day [Whining voice] \u201cI do everything around here!\u201d) [Laughter]\r\n\r\n\u201cI am his last priority.\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019m not seen or appreciated.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cHe\u2019s so selfish.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cHe doesn\u2019t appreciate me.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo, here\u2019s my challenge: what are your thoughts? Do you get down in this rut where you\u2019re thinking negatively? And then it [Ted Lowe\u2019s book] says this; I thought this was really interesting: \u201cHappily married couples focus on what they love about their spouse.\u201d This is from Dr. Helen Fisher. \u201cShe reported that a commonality in these marriages was positive illusion. Positive illusion is the ability to focus on what you love about your spouse, and not focus on what you don\u2019t. This ability results in higher marital satisfaction, less conflict, a higher sense of security, and lasting intimacy. They look at their spouse and see awesomeness.\u201d\r\n\r\nOkay, I\u2019ve said this over the years, and I\u2019ve had people\u2014women\u2014come up to me and say, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to cheer about my husband.\u201d There was a time that you saw the greatness in him, didn\u2019t you? You weren\u2019t in the rut! You were seeing the good in him, and then, you would probably say it. If you\u2019re not seeing the good, and you\u2019re in the rut of seeing all the bad, start saying the good things that you used to believe in him. They\u2019re still there! You\u2019re just not seeing them.\r\n\r\nShe also says this (Helen fisher): \u201cUnhappily married couples focus on what they don\u2019t love about their spouse. They are frustrated because their differences cause them to not get where they want. This mental frustration can become a dangerous mental game called confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of the beliefs we already hold. Simply put, you find what you are looking for.\u201d \r\n\r\nAs I was dealing with all of this and figuring it out, we were having lunch one day. When we have people in for radio and podcasts, we have lunch with them. So, this one particular day a few months ago, we\u2019re in this room, and I\u2019m looking around the room, and there are four people who have theology degrees, and one has his doctorate. I wrote down his name. It was so interesting, because I was telling them, and talking to them, about this ezer kenedgo. So, I\u2019m thinking, with all of these guys and women with their theology degrees, we\u2019re going to hear some really good stuff. (I\u2019m not finding it right now, his name.) But [to] this doctor, super-smart guy, genius kind of person, I said, \u201cWhat do you think ezer kenedgo means?\u201d \r\n\r\nHe sat for a while, and he knows Hebrew really well. He said, \u201cAnn, I really think it means when a husband stands toe-to-toe with his wife, and he looks into her eyes, he sees the man he could become.\u201d Think about that! When your husband looks into your eyes, he sees the man he could become. \r\n\r\nIf Dave would have looked into my eyes back in those days that I was a \u201csuperior boo-er,\u201d what he would have seen in my eyes is a failure; a person who doesn\u2019t measure up; a bad dad; a bad leader; someone who doesn\u2019t lead spiritually. What\u2019s he going to rise up to if that\u2019s what I\u2019m seeing in him?\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019ve been listening to my favorite all-time speaker, of all history! Her name is Ann Wilson, and she\u2019s sitting right here beside me, because she\u2019s my wife. Man, you were not only excited to give that talk, but very emotional.\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m just imagining what our marriage would look like had I not changed. I thought the problem was you.\r\n\r\nDave: And I thought the problem was you. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: Had I not started seeing how God made you and the great things God put into you\u2014and I\u2019d never told you how great you were! It\u2019s not that I didn\u2019t say negative things, too, but if I would have just closed my mouth and didn\u2019t see you the way God saw you, I think we\u2019d be in a very different place right now. \r\n\r\nI think, Dave, one of my favorite parts of that session was that you came up at the end and surprised me. That was incredibly sweet!\r\n\r\nBefore we end, I\u2019d just really love to pray:\r\n\r\nFather God, I thank you for every single woman listening to this. I know just as a wife and a mom, sometimes, I feel so weary. We can become hopeless. We can feel like things will never change. But Lord, more than anything, I pray that we will seek You; that we will fall on our face before you, ask for wisdom, ask for help. Lord, we can\u2019t do this in and of ourselves. So, I pray for these women, that You would give them hope, that You would help them to see their husbands and their kids the way You see them. Then, Lord, give them the courage to speak life, not death. Give them the courage to, maybe even, repent and apologize for the things that have been said. I know, Lord, I just had arrogance, thinking I was doing it all right. So, Father, thank You that You love us no matter what; that You can give us the courage, and the passion, and the compassion; and even the words we need to say to our husbands. We love You, Lord, and we need You desperately! In Jesus\u2019s Name, Amen.\r\n\r\nShelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today, talking about the Love Like You Mean It cruise. What if you had next year\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day already booked? You\u2019re not trying to scramble the last week before Valentine\u2019s Day in 2025. Do you think that your spouse would appreciate an eight-day cruise over that period of time?\r\n\r\nI don\u2019t know your spouse, but I\u2019m guessing that would be a total win for Valentine\u2019s Day in 2025. Unless they\u2019re afraid of the ocean, and seagulls, and all-you-can-eat soft serve ice cream; then it\u2019s probably not for you. But for everyone else, wouldn\u2019t it be amazing to have next year\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day covered? Well, there\u2019s going to be a boat sailing from February 8th thought the 15th, 2025, out of Miami, Florida.\r\n\r\nJust like Dave was talking about, you can book right now, because this is the lowest price that will be available for this sailing. Eight days, seven nights, to reconnect with your spouse. We expect it to sell out again. Don\u2019t delay! You can go to the link that\u2019s available in the show notes, or you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the \u201cLove Like You Mean It\u201d banner. Or you can give us a call to make your reservation at 800-358-6329; that\u2019s 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear another talk from the Love Like You Mean It cruise, where we\u2019re going to explore reigniting passion in your marriage, intentional conversations, respectful boundaries, and seeking individualized counsel. Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking to us with Ron and Nan Deal, Juli Slattery, and Michael Sytsma. That\u2019s all tomorrow, and it\u2019s going to be incredible. We hope you\u2019ll join us!\r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-280314.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-280314.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f > 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your husband's buried in his phone. Lost in work. Clueless about household chores. It's tempting to want to fix him, right? But what if all that nagging is doing more harm than good? Ann Wilson has been there, done that. She's got wisdom to share ab...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<p> Learn more about FamilyLife Today hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/dave-and-ann-wilson\/\">here<\/a>!<br \/> Set sail on the ultimate romantic getaway! Book now for the 2025 Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise, sailing from Miami, FL on February 8 - 15, 2025. Don't miss our LLYMI Cruise Madness Sale! Secure your spot at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com<\/a>.<br \/> Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/> <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/> Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/> Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/> Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a> <\/p>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-03-12.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nWhen Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband\r\n\r\nGuest:Ann Wilson\r\n\r\nFrom the series:When Words Wound: How to Build or Break Your Husband (Day 1 of 1)\r\n\r\nAir date:March 12, 2024\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m folding clothes, and I start thinking and complaining about Dave. \u201cHe\u2019s never home! He\u2019s not going to be home tonight! He\u2019s not going to put the kids to bed. He\u2019s not here!\u201d I\u2019m going through all of that, and I felt like\u2014when I was on this journey, when God was getting my attention, I felt like\u2014He said, \u201cWhat would happen if you prayed as much as you complain?\u201d \r\n\r\nI thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never tried that!\u201d Because I was so in the habit of going down this rut of complaining about Dave in my head. \r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nDave: This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nAnn: So, this week has been fun! We\u2019ve been listening to some of the amazing content experienced on our Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise, and it feels like we just got off the boat. It was pretty spectacular!\r\n\r\nDave: It was spectacular. And today, you get to hear a message from one of my\u2014not one of my, my favorite speakers in all the world\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014oh, Dave! You don\u2019t have to say that!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and it\u2019s my wife, who is sitting right beside me, [Laughter] Ann Wilson, when you got up to speak to the women on the boat.\r\n\r\nAnn: Well, there\u2019s something about when women get away\u2014when they all get together; we just have a chance to pause, just to take a breath and to listen to God\u2019s Word. There\u2019s something about that; the Holy Spirit has a chance to move. And we can hear from God! I\u2019m not saying that what I said was so incredible\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014I\u2019ll say it! It was.\r\n\r\nAnn: No, but there is something that happens when women are together. We can connect to God together. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes; and I\u2019ll just say this: if you\u2019re listening to this, and you\u2019re like, \u201cI want to be on that boat next year,\u201d we had a men\u2019s talk as well, where just the men were together; all the rest were couples. You can sign up right now for Love Like You Mean It 2025 at FamilyLifeToday.com. I\u2019m telling you, you\u2019d better sign up, because it will fill up quickly. \r\n\r\nThese are the kinds of messages you will get to hear. So, here\u2019s Ann Wilson from this past cruise.\r\n\r\n[Recorded Message]\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m going to take you back to a story [that] maybe some of you have heard. For me\u2014have you ever had those moments in life of, \u201cThis moment in life changed everything?\u201d It changed everything in my present and in my future, and it will continue to do that. \r\n\r\nSo, go back with me in time. I\u2019d probably been married 15 or 20 years; Dave and I were speaking at our church. Some of the women came to me and said, \u201cCould you come and speak to our moms and our women in this group?\u201d I said, \u201cI would love to! Do you want me to bring Dave?\u201d He\u2019s the Pastor of the church; he founded the church. They all love him. They were saying, \u201cYes! Bring Dave!\u201d\r\n\r\nI asked Dave: \u201cWhat should we speak about? What do you want to talk about?\u201d He said, \u201cI don\u2019t know? Let\u2019s just get up there and wing it!\u201d [Laughter] I said [trembling voice], \u201cWe\u2019re going to wing it? What does that even mean?\u201d So, we were sitting on these two stools as this church, and Dave gets going. He\u2019s animated! I\u2019m listening, and he says to the women\u2014he was sitting there, but then he stands up, and he gets right in front of the women. He says, \u201cI don\u2019t even know if you women get what it\u2019s like for us as men!\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cGrowing up, someone basically looked at us and cheered for us, like, \u2018Oh, look at my son!\u2019 [Applause] \u2018Look at my boy! Look at him!\u2019 So, they\u2019re cheering for us!\u201d And then he said, \u201cAnd then, we get older, we get in school, and we find our niche of what we\u2019re good at, so we have a teacher or a coach or a musician\u2014someone to say, \u2018Hey! You are good at this!\u2019 They start cheering for us.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd I\u2019m sitting back here thinking, \u201cHe has never said anything like this, ever, in our lives. [Laughter] And then, he said, \u201cThen I got older, and I played college football. On Saturdays, I had a stadium full of people cheering for me: \u2018Dave Wilson! You\u2019re the man! You\u2019re the man!\u2019 I [thought], \u201cYes, I never have thought of that. That\u2019s good!\u201d \r\n\r\nThen, he said, \u201cAnd then, I married Ann.\u201d [Laughter] No! \u201cShe looked at me and said, before we got married, \u2018Dave Wilson, I choose you! You are the man!\u2019 She\u2019s just like, \u2018Yeah!\u2019\u201d [Applause] I\u2019m sitting back here [thinking], \u201cYes, I did! I did do that!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cBecause you are the man!\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd then, he gets quiet. The women are like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s next?\u201d He says, \u201cAnd then, we get married. I walk through the door\u2014I walk into the house\u2014at the end of the day, and all I hear is, \u201cBoo! Boo! Boo!\u201d [Laughter] I don\u2019t even know what just happened! I was [thinking], \u201cWhat are you talking about!?\u201d I don\u2019t even know how we ended that entire talk, because, first, I was so humiliated. Second, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t \u2018boo\u2019 you!\u201d That was all going on in my head! So, then, we get in the car. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nI turn to him\u2014I was embarrassed! I was saying, \u201cThat\u2019s not right!\u201d I turned to him and said, \u201cYou think I \u2018boo\u2019 you!? I am helping you!\u201d [Laughter] And he turned to me and said, \u201cAnn, it just feels like I can\u2019t do anything right. You have to tweak it. You have to fix it. You have to maneuver it. You have to do all the things because I\u2019m not doing it right. So, you have to fix me!\u201d And I said, \u201cI know.\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nI\u2019m not kidding! That\u2019s exactly what I said: \u201cI see everything! Everybody at church is saying, \u2018Oh, Dave! Oh, you\u2019re so amazing!\u2019 I see it all! And I can help you to be better. I can help you!\u201d And he said, \u201cAnn, is it working?\u201d I said, \u201cNo! It is not working. So, I have to yell louder! I have to say things more meanly. I have to get your attention.\u201d He said, \u201cBut it\u2019s not working.\u201d I said, \u201cI know.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo, okay, this whole thing [is], I really thought, \u201cI am the Holy Spirit\u2019s helper.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cThe Holy Spirit\u2019s a Helper, but I\u2019m also the helper.\u201d So, here\u2019s what was going through my mind\u2014maybe, you have felt this, too\u2014it felt like I could help him. I didn\u2019t want to verbally affirm him. This is so messed up in my logic; this kind of says who I am. I didn\u2019t want to cheer him or affirm him, because I thought, \u201cIf I do that, he\u2019ll think I\u2019m satisfied, and then, he\u2019ll get worse.\u201d [Laughter] Does that make sense? It\u2019s like enabling him to be bad.\r\n\r\nPlus, \u201ceverybody else is cheering for him, so his head will get even bigger if I say anything positive.\u201d So, I\u2019m trying to go through this whole thing. We end up getting home, and I said to God\u2014I\u2019m all by myself, and I go into this little corner of my room, and I sit on the floor, and I said: \u201cLord, can You believe he said that!?\u201d [Laughter] But the, I asked a question: \u201cJesus, do I \u2018boo\u2019 Dave?\u201d\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave: We are listening to a message that my wife, Ann, gave on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise just a few weeks ago. Let me tell you, I sort of snuck in there a couple of times, and that room was silent. They were engaged with what you were saying. And I could just feel how God was working in that room. And I\u2019ve lived the result of God speaking to you. It\u2019s transformed our marriage, both with how I speak to you with words of life, and how you speak to me. You\u2019ve made me the man I am today.\r\n\r\nThe fact that the women got to hear that and, hopefully, go home and live that was pretty exciting to me. Let\u2019s jump back in and hear Ann\u2019s message on the cruise:\r\n\r\n[Recorded Message]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cJesus, do I \u2018boo\u2019 Dave?\u201d And in my spirit, I felt like He said, \u201cYes.\u201d So, I\u2019ve been on a journey, and I\u2019m telling you, I\u2019m still in recovery. Any day, I can slip back; but I\u2019ve learned a lot since that time, and I want to share with you some of the things that I\u2019ve learned.\r\n\r\nLet\u2019s go back to the book of Genesis. In Genesis 2:18, this is the woman being created. It\u2019s our purpose. It\u2019s who we are. So, when you look at Eve being created, it says this; it says, \u201cThe Lord God said, \u2018It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him\u2019.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd I think I\u2019ve shared this here before, but when Dave and I started speaking for the Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaways, we teach this. I remember getting to this part of the Scripture, and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m out! I don\u2019t want to be that \u2018helper.\u2019\u201d And here\u2019s what I really thought: \u201cWhy do I have to be the helper?\u201d [Laughter] \u201cWhere\u2019s my helper!?\u201d [Laughter] Do you know what I mean? It doesn\u2019t say that Adam is a helper; it says the woman is a helper. \r\n\r\nI was so mad at that! I know that Genesis was written in Hebrew; the Old Testament is Hebrew. So, I decided, before I get into Hebrew, I\u2019m just going to see what Webster\u2019s Dictionary says. And it says: \u201ca gopher, a person who does the dirty work; someone important tells them what to do.\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cSee! That\u2019s exactly why I don\u2019t want to be the helper!\u201d \r\n\r\nI was telling Dave, \u201cHow frustrating is that? Why can\u2019t you be my helper?\u201d We were going through this whole thing, and he said, \u201cYou need to look it up in Hebrew, so, I did that.\u201d A few years ago, I did a study by Kristi McLelland, Jesus and Women. It\u2019s one of the best studies I\u2019ve done. She is a professor; she is a Hebrew culturalist. And she went over and studied in Israel for a while. So, she talks, in her Bible study\u2014and you\u2019ve probably heard some of this from other teachers\u2014[about] those words, \u201chelper suitable.\u201d Eve was to be a \u201chelper suitable.\u201d We, as wives, are to be a \u201chelper suitable\u201d for our husbands. \r\n\r\nIt's not the gopher, or the person who does the dirty work. Many times in Scripture, God is referred to as \u201cthe helper.\u201d In fact, if you look at the Scripture, I\u2019m going to take you down to Deuteronomy 33:7. Do you know that these are the last words, when Moses was praying over each tribe of Israel? He prayed this over Judah; this was his prayer: \u201cAnd this he said about Judah: Hear, Lord, the cry of Judah. Bring him to his people. With his own hands, he defends his cause.\u201d (And this is the part.) \u201cOh, be his help against his foes!\u201d \u201cBe his ezer.\u201d That word, \u201chelper,\u201d is ezer. \u201cBe his ezer against his foes.\u201d \r\n\r\nImagine you, being your husband\u2019s ezer, or a helper against his foes. That makes it really different. Psalm 71 says, \u201cMake haste, O Lord, to deliver me. O Lord, make haste to ezer me\u201d (or \u201chelp\u201d me). This is God! This is the warrior God, coming to help His people. Then, also, in Psalm 40:17, it says, \u201cBut as for me, I am poor and needy. Come quickly to me, O God! You are my ezer and my deliverer. Lord, do not delay.\u201d\r\n\r\nSo, when we look at that word, \u201chelper,\u201d or ezer, I like those terms, because I am helping Dave in battle. One of the things Kristi McLelland said\u2014when she was over in Israel, she said\u2014that she got to know a rabbi who was in his late 70\u2019s. He had a long, white beard. She said, \u201cRabbi, when you look at these words, \u2018helper suitable,\u2019 or ezer kenedgo, what do you think it means for the wife, for Eve, and for us as women today?\u201d \r\n\r\nHere's what he said\u2014he said, \u201cOh, Kristi! God knew there was an enemy in the Garden, and [that] it would take two of them together to defeat the enemy.\u201d Isn\u2019t that good? I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve thought about this in a while, but you\u2019re experiencing this. There\u2019s a battle going on for our marriages. There\u2019s a battle going on in our culture for marriage between a man and a woman. And I\u2019m telling you that there\u2019s a battle raging over you and your marriage. It takes us together to battle!\r\n\r\nAnd then, that word kenedgo\u2014I had never heard of that word, kenedgo. Do you know what it means? It\u2019s never used any other time in Scripture, but it describes the woman, and it means \u201ctoe-to-toe.\u201d She will stand toe-to-toe. Some of you are smiling, because you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, yes! I can do that! I will stand toe-to-toe.\u201d But I think of us, as women, and how we\u2019re protective of our people, of our children. We will stand toe-to-toe. But isn\u2019t that interesting, when you think of the battle going on in the Garden, it would take them standing together, fighting the enemy together.\r\n\r\nAnd the enemy\u2014what\u2019s his goal? \u201cTo steal, kill, and destroy\u201d [John 10:10] you and your marriage. So, what does it feel like, and what does it look like, to be that ezer kenedgo?\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019re listening to Ann Wilson\u2019s message on the Love Like You Mean It cruise. [Laughter] \r\n\r\nAnn: That sounds so weird!\r\n\r\nDave: It sounds weird to talk about you, sitting right here; but you were fired up!\r\n\r\nAnn: I think I\u2019m so fired up because this was new to me. I didn\u2019t grow up in a Christian home, and what I thought Christian women were supposed to be was doormats. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Some man will just walk all over her or tell her what to do; or fetch things for your husband. But this is a vital component for women to understand. We\u2019re to stand beside and with and around our husbands in battle; to fight the enemy; to protect our families. Our husband is protecting them, but we, as women, are there beside him, helping to protect.\r\n\r\nDave: So, let\u2019s go back, and let\u2019s hear the end of this message.\r\n\r\n[Recorded Message]\r\n\r\nAnn: To get the marriage you want\u2014getting the marriage you hoped for\u2014starts first in your mind and in your thoughts. So, that day that I came home, and I got down on my\u2014sitting before God; when I said, \u201cGod, do I \u2018boo\u2019 Dave?\u201d and I felt like, \u201cyes,\u201d I had this impression and I felt like God was saying, \u201cKeep track of your thoughts. Take track of how you think about Dave.\u201d\r\n\r\nI would challenge all of you to start thinking: what are your thoughts about your husband? And I\u2019m going to say this, because I had to do this with my kids, too: what are your thoughts about your kids? I would just spin out of control with my thoughts. I think I shared this one time. I was doing the laundry one time, and I had just gotten into this habit or pattern\u2014you know how they\u2019re talking about brain science now? How when you keep thinking a certain way, you create a neurological pathway? \r\n\r\nI\u2019m folding clothes, and I start thinking and complaining about Dave. \u201cHe\u2019s never home! He\u2019s not going to be home tonight! He\u2019s not going to put the kids to bed. He\u2019s not here!\u201d I\u2019m going through all of that, and I felt like\u2014when I was on this journey, when God was getting my attention, I felt like\u2014He said, \u201cWhat would happen if you prayed as much as you complain?\u201d \r\n\r\nI thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never tried that!\u201d Because I was so in the habit of going down this rut of complaining about Dave in my head. Recently, we had on [FamilyLife Today] an author, Ted Lowe. He wrote the book Us in Mind. In his book, he has a lot of the brain science information. According to the National Science Foundation, people on average have about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Eighty percent of those thoughts are negative, and 95% of those thoughts are repetitive.\r\n\r\nHere are some examples of negative thoughts that are common:\r\n\r\n\u201cWhy should I try? My spouse never tries.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019m not the one who needs to change. He needs to change.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019m just not attracted to him.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cDivorce is not uncommon. It\u2019s the right option for us.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cMarriage is an outdated institution. Who needs it?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd I put down\u2014here are my thoughts; here are the things that I kept [thinking] over and over and over:\r\n\r\n\u201cI do everything around here.\u201d (I said that the other day [Whining voice] \u201cI do everything around here!\u201d) [Laughter]\r\n\r\n\u201cI am his last priority.\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cI\u2019m not seen or appreciated.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cHe\u2019s so selfish.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cHe doesn\u2019t appreciate me.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo, here\u2019s my challenge: what are your thoughts? Do you get down in this rut where you\u2019re thinking negatively? And then it [Ted Lowe\u2019s book] says this; I thought this was really interesting: \u201cHappily married couples focus on what they love about their spouse.\u201d This is from Dr. Helen Fisher. \u201cShe reported that a commonality in these marriages was positive illusion. Positive illusion is the ability to focus on what you love about your spouse, and not focus on what you don\u2019t. This ability results in higher marital satisfaction, less conflict, a higher sense of security, and lasting intimacy. They look at their spouse and see awesomeness.\u201d\r\n\r\nOkay, I\u2019ve said this over the years, and I\u2019ve had people\u2014women\u2014come up to me and say, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to cheer about my husband.\u201d There was a time that you saw the greatness in him, didn\u2019t you? You weren\u2019t in the rut! You were seeing the good in him, and then, you would probably say it. If you\u2019re not seeing the good, and you\u2019re in the rut of seeing all the bad, start saying the good things that you used to believe in him. They\u2019re still there! You\u2019re just not seeing them.\r\n\r\nShe also says this (Helen fisher): \u201cUnhappily married couples focus on what they don\u2019t love about their spouse. They are frustrated because their differences cause them to not get where they want. This mental frustration can become a dangerous mental game called confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of the beliefs we already hold. Simply put, you find what you are looking for.\u201d \r\n\r\nAs I was dealing with all of this and figuring it out, we were having lunch one day. When we have people in for radio and podcasts, we have lunch with them. So, this one particular day a few months ago, we\u2019re in this room, and I\u2019m looking around the room, and there are four people who have theology degrees, and one has his doctorate. I wrote down his name. It was so interesting, because I was telling them, and talking to them, about this ezer kenedgo. So, I\u2019m thinking, with all of these guys and women with their theology degrees, we\u2019re going to hear some really good stuff. (I\u2019m not finding it right now, his name.) But [to] this doctor, super-smart guy, genius kind of person, I said, \u201cWhat do you think ezer kenedgo means?\u201d \r\n\r\nHe sat for a while, and he knows Hebrew really well. He said, \u201cAnn, I really think it means when a husband stands toe-to-toe with his wife, and he looks into her eyes, he sees the man he could become.\u201d Think about that! When your husband looks into your eyes, he sees the man he could become. \r\n\r\nIf Dave would have looked into my eyes back in those days that I was a \u201csuperior boo-er,\u201d what he would have seen in my eyes is a failure; a person who doesn\u2019t measure up; a bad dad; a bad leader; someone who doesn\u2019t lead spiritually. What\u2019s he going to rise up to if that\u2019s what I\u2019m seeing in him?\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019ve been listening to my favorite all-time speaker, of all history! Her name is Ann Wilson, and she\u2019s sitting right here beside me, because she\u2019s my wife. Man, you were not only excited to give that talk, but very emotional.\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m just imagining what our marriage would look like had I not changed. I thought the problem was you.\r\n\r\nDave: And I thought the problem was you. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: Had I not started seeing how God made you and the great things God put into you\u2014and I\u2019d never told you how great you were! It\u2019s not that I didn\u2019t say negative things, too, but if I would have just closed my mouth and didn\u2019t see you the way God saw you, I think we\u2019d be in a very different place right now. \r\n\r\nI think, Dave, one of my favorite parts of that session was that you came up at the end and surprised me. That was incredibly sweet!\r\n\r\nBefore we end, I\u2019d just really love to pray:\r\n\r\nFather God, I thank you for every single woman listening to this. I know just as a wife and a mom, sometimes, I feel so weary. We can become hopeless. We can feel like things will never change. But Lord, more than anything, I pray that we will seek You; that we will fall on our face before you, ask for wisdom, ask for help. Lord, we can\u2019t do this in and of ourselves. So, I pray for these women, that You would give them hope, that You would help them to see their husbands and their kids the way You see them. Then, Lord, give them the courage to speak life, not death. Give them the courage to, maybe even, repent and apologize for the things that have been said. I know, Lord, I just had arrogance, thinking I was doing it all right. So, Father, thank You that You love us no matter what; that You can give us the courage, and the passion, and the compassion; and even the words we need to say to our husbands. We love You, Lord, and we need You desperately! In Jesus\u2019s Name, Amen.\r\n\r\nShelby: I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today, talking about the Love Like You Mean It cruise. What if you had next year\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day already booked? You\u2019re not trying to scramble the last week before Valentine\u2019s Day in 2025. Do you think that your spouse would appreciate an eight-day cruise over that period of time?\r\n\r\nI don\u2019t know your spouse, but I\u2019m guessing that would be a total win for Valentine\u2019s Day in 2025. Unless they\u2019re afraid of the ocean, and seagulls, and all-you-can-eat soft serve ice cream; then it\u2019s probably not for you. But for everyone else, wouldn\u2019t it be amazing to have next year\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day covered? Well, there\u2019s going to be a boat sailing from February 8th thought the 15th, 2025, out of Miami, Florida.\r\n\r\nJust like Dave was talking about, you can book right now, because this is the lowest price that will be available for this sailing. Eight days, seven nights, to reconnect with your spouse. We expect it to sell out again. Don\u2019t delay! You can go to the link that\u2019s available in the show notes, or you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the \u201cLove Like You Mean It\u201d banner. Or you can give us a call to make your reservation at 800-358-6329; that\u2019s 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear another talk from the Love Like You Mean It cruise, where we\u2019re going to explore reigniting passion in your marriage, intentional conversations, respectful boundaries, and seeking individualized counsel. Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking to us with Ron and Nan Deal, Juli Slattery, and Michael Sytsma. That\u2019s all tomorrow, and it\u2019s going to be incredible. We hope you\u2019ll join us!\r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280314","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280314"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280314"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280314"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280314"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280314"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280314"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280314"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}