{"id":280308,"date":"2024-03-20T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2024-03-20T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush\/"},"modified":"2025-04-23T14:52:09","modified_gmt":"2025-04-23T18:52:09","slug":"scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush\/","title":{"rendered":"Scared We\u2019re Drifting Apart: Tim &#038; Kathy Bush"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Can you really keep that deep, real connection with your spouse when life&#8217;s throwing a million things at you? Between work, dinner, kids, and endless scrolling on our phones, it feels like there&#8217;s never a moment to just breathe, let alone &#8211; connect. But don&#8217;t worry, Tim and Kathy Bush are here to teach how to keep the emotional connection even when life&#8217;s busy. Let&#8217;s dive in and learn how to make each other a priority when things get crazy!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Can you really keep that deep, real connection with your spouse when life&#8217;s throwing a million things at you? Between work, dinner, kids, and endless scrolling on our phones, it feels like there&#8217;s never a moment to just breathe, let alone &#8211; connect. But d&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/eb2e1ee7-d0eb-4a5b-88d1-b154011bf0fc\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:05","filesize":"26.66M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-03-20 09:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2143],"podcast_series":[8741],"cwp_profile":[9925],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280308","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-stress-of-work","podcast_series-how-to-slow-down-work-wont-let-you-tim-kathy-bush","cwp_profile-tim-and-kathy-bush","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280308\/scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280308\/scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ljg0KFB39E\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush\/\">Scared We\u2019re Drifting Apart: Tim &#038; Kathy Bush<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/scared-were-drifting-apart-tim-kathy-bush\/embed\/#?secret=ljg0KFB39E\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Scared We\u2019re Drifting Apart: Tim &#038; Kathy Bush&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ljg0KFB39E\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Can you really keep that deep, real connection with your spouse when life's throwing a million things at you? Between work, dinner, kids, and endless scrolling on our phones, it feels like there's never a moment to just breathe, let alone - connect. But d...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Connect with Tim and Kathy Bush and catch more of their thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/warroomministries.com\/\">warroomministries.com<\/a>, and on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/zozothemes.official\/\">Facebook<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/instagram.com\/warroomministry?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=\">Instgram<\/a> @warroomministry<\/li>\n<li>And grab Tim and Kathy Bush's book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/sex-on-the-first-date-a-story-of-a-broken-beginning-to-a-radically-transformed-marriage\/\">Sex on the First Date:<\/a> A Story of a Broken Beginning to a Radically Transformed Marriage.<\/li>\n<li>Want to hear more episodes by Tim and Kathy Bush, listen <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-mess-to-mission\/\">here<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/resurrection-eggs-2\/\">Resurrection Eggs<\/a> for Kids: Make Easter memorable! Enjoy a fun egg hunt tradition with storybook, symbols, stickers, and Jesus Film Project videos.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/familylife-today-2\/?cru_source=24EGPCandcru_medium=podcastandcru_campaign=FLToday\">Donate to FamilyLife Today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-03-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>How to Slow Down (Work Won\u2019t Let You)<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Tim and Kathy Bush<\/p>\n<p>From the series:How to Slow Down (Work Won\u2019t Let You) (Day 1 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:March 20, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Hey, Shelby Abbott here. Before we get started with today\u2019s program, I want you to pause and imagine yourself with your spouse, sitting on two deck chairs in a very warm and beautiful environment, on a cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean. After you\u2019re done hanging out with your spouse and relaxing, getting some sun, you head over and have a romantic dinner together; then you go and hear an amazing message that helps to encourage you in loving your spouse and walking with God.<\/p>\n<p>What am I talking about? I\u2019m talking about the 2025 Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise. We\u2019re having a sale right now, and it\u2019s a great time to save big on this incredibly unique environment to enjoy working on your marriage, being intentional in your walk with God, and doing it all in places like the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, St. Thomas, and Miami, Florida. So, if that sounds interesting to you, head over to LoveLikeYouMeanItCruise.com, or you can check out the link in today\u2019s Show Notes.<\/p>\n<p>Alright, let\u2019s get to the program!<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: We never want people to think that\u2019s okay; any part of this sin, we never want them to think that\u2019s okay. And we don\u2019t want people to think because we were in that, that if they\u2019re in it, that\u2019s okay. The realization of being in sin is that you need to get out of it. That\u2019s the place that we want people to go.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife app.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Do you remember the first time we met this couple sitting over here?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I sure do.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, what do you remember?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Love Like You Mean It cruise. I thought, \u201cThis is the coolest couple!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you know what? I don\u2019t even know what year, but I guarantee Tim Bush, sitting over here, knows the year. 2000-what?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: 14.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: 2014! You probably know the date: February something.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes, what was it?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: It was early February, around the 5th or 6th of February.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: He is kind of a savant with dates.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, in case you\u2019re wondering, we\u2019ve got Tim and Kathy Bush. That\u2019s the voice of Tim, and Kathy already jumped in over there. We are so excited to have you guys in the studio.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You guys, welcome to FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: We are so excited to be here.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I don\u2019t know another couple in the country that\u2019s doing what you\u2019re doing. You\u2019re everywhere. You travel more than we do! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: To tell people of the hope that you\u2019ve found in Jesus for marriage, because you\u2019re going to hear their story today. You have a powerful story of what God has done.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; and I don\u2019t know when Ann said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to write this in a book,\u201d but you did!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Nobody thought it would be called what it\u2019s called. [Laughter] How did you come up with Sex on the First Date as your title? Some people will just say, \u201cWait, wait, wait! Did you say\u2014what?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s called Sex on the First Date. Let me tell you the subtitle, though: Our Story of a Broken Beginning to a Radically Transformed Marriage. We\u2019re going to walk through the story, but was this a title you thought you could use\u2014or not use\u2014in a Christian book?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: It was a title I thought we had to use all along.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: There was just no doubt in my mind. I felt like it was catchy, but it was the truth.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Well, let me say, too, I think that because of the honesty that Tim and I share, we just put it all out there in the book. Sex on the First Date is what happened, so that\u2019s what we named it. I think because we\u2019re so transparent and honest, we wanted our book to be that way.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: And early on, too, when we were doing The Art of Marriage in a six-week version, we were sharing our story. People were so attracted to Week 3 and Week 4, because we were sharing what we did without shame. We were sharing it in a way that people could connect to; people who had been going to church 20 or 30 years, and never had anybody share like that. They are used to going to church on Sunday [where] people are happy, they\u2019re wearing their church clothes; but they realize, \u201cThat\u2019s not real.\u201d At least, it wasn\u2019t real for us. And those kinds of comments, we got all the time.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And there could be people who, maybe, their past isn\u2019t that great, and there\u2019s a lot of shame attached to that.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, for you guys to say, \u201cThis is where we were, but this is where God has taken us\u201d\u2014there\u2019s something about the vulnerability of saying, \u201cThis is what we\u2019ve been through.\u201d Other people say, \u201cYou, too?\u201d But you\u2019re gutsy enough to share it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes; and Tim, share what you always share, when you\u2019re about to tell the details. You usually say, \u201cI\u2019m not trying to do this\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Well, we don\u2019t want to glorify the sin in what we do; we want to glorify God. But we have to share these details. And we\u2019re not the same people anymore. We always share that, when we do our sessions. During Session 2, at the very start, we start with that. It\u2019s just very important, because we\u2019re not the same people. We\u2019re new creations. In fact, that\u2019s Kathy\u2019s life verse. We\u2019re new creations, and we know that; but we have to share the stuff to connect with the people.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes. We never want people to think that\u2019s okay; any part of this sin, we never want them to think that\u2019s okay. And we don\u2019t want people to think because we were in that, that if they\u2019re in it, that\u2019s okay. The realization of being in sin is that you need to get out of it. That\u2019s the place that we want people to go.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: And honestly, I can tell you, for us, it\u2019s really hard to share that stuff. It\u2019s not easy, because we\u2019re not those same people; but we know that God wants us to share it. So, when we share that stuff, we even say at the end of Session 4, \u201cWe\u2019re so glad we\u2019re finally out of the dark and into the light!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: \u201cInto the light!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Because it\u2019s hard to talk about those things, especially when there\u2019s so much.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And probably, a lot of regret.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Oh, yes!<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Lots of regret.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: A lot!<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Because you can\u2019t change what happened.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Right, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: And I know that, as I read it\u2014again, I thought we knew your story, because we\u2019ve been with you now over a decade, and we\u2019ve heard much; man, there were details\u2014!<\/p>\n<p>And then, the videos; you have videos, and you see you in the \u201cbefore Christ\u201d days. It\u2019s dark; but it makes the light so much brighter.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Aw, that\u2019s a good way to put it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Because that\u2019s your title: A Broken Beginning to Radically Transformed. Again, God did a work! Now, you\u2019re like, \u201cWhoa! That\u2019s what God does.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Our listeners are probably thinking, \u201cLet\u2019s get to it! Stop talking about it!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, you go from death to life!<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Chapter One, you start with a pretty interesting story.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Chapter One is called \u201cCaught.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes, and you know, that part of our story is one of the hardest to tell. That season of my life, and that stage of my life, where we start the book was probably the most regretful and the most hurt that I caused Tim.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Kath was in school for eight months\u2014in aesthetic school\u2014and I didn\u2019t think she was going to come back.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: And I didn\u2019t either. I really wasn\u2019t planning on coming back.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How old\u2014? How long were you married?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: At this point, we were\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: \u201425 years.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: \u2014at the 25-year mark in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow!<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: I do know that; 25.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: And she was on the other side of the state, in our motor home, and it was a trying time; because at this point, it was the very first time in our marriage, really, that I was true to Kath (meaning, I had done a lot of bad things, but I\u2019d never told her).<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, what happened?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: After I was in school\u2014and I loved this school; it was aesthetic school (skin care), and it was all about health, holistic health, which I\u2019m interested in. I knew Day One I was in the right place. I was passionate about that, and I threw my life into going to school. I had dropped out of high school at 18, pregnant when Tim and I got married. Then, I had later gone to beauty school, and I had dropped out of beauty school. So, I had not a whole lot of self-esteem. So, I went away to this school, thinking, \u201cI\u2019m just going to do the best that I can,\u201d and I end up getting A\u2019s. I was an honor student, and I had perfect attendance.<\/p>\n<p>But then, at this time, too, our life had a lot of alcohol involved. Tim and I had been drinking together; but I went to school, and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that. I\u2019m not going to have that life. I\u2019m going to just really concentrate on school.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: A whole new start for you?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: It was! But then, about four weeks before graduation, there was a woman that I went to school with, and she had said, \u201cLet\u2019s go to the bar with some friends.\u201d Part of me was thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I should do that!\u201d And then, I thought, \u201cYou know what? School\u2019s getting close to an end. I\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So, I went out that night, and there was lots of drinking. I get drunk, and I end up meeting a guy at the bar and hook up with him. And this pattern starts for the last four weeks of my school. But part of me was thinking, \u201cI want to be married to Tim. What am I doing?\u201d And \u201cit\u2019s the alcohol. I\u2019m putting myself in those situations,\u201d which I had done before. But part of me was thinking, \u201cI still want to be married to Tim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I want to stay married to Tim, I\u2019m going to have to tell him about this, and this is going to destroy him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Toward the end, I was in Mexico one night, and I called her, at what I thought was going to be around midnight. She wasn\u2019t home yet. I called again at one in the morning; I called at two in the morning; three in the morning; four in the morning. She never answered.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ah, Tim! What was going through your heart and head?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: I was totally freaking out. I was totally out of control! I was in Mexico, a long way away.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: But what was happening, too, in these last few weeks, was [that] he started\u2014because of what I started doing, out at the bars, drinking\u2014Tim sensed that something was going on, so he started trying to control me from a distance. He would call me all the time, wanting to know where I was. This was our pattern!<\/p>\n<p>So, for me, I even felt more caged up again, because the more Tim would try to control me\u2014it was almost like a child; like I was rebelling. And then, there was a sense of me\u2014I think I thought, too\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve got to get this out of my system. It\u2019s going to get out of my system.\u201d That\u2019s what I thought: \u201cYou know, If I can just get this out of my system.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was never a moment in me that I thought, \u201cI won\u2019t tell Tim this.\u201d Because I couldn\u2019t live with it, and so, I had to tell him. I knew I was going to have to tell him.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: And on that same trip, when I was in Mexico, I came to the Seattle airport and Kath picked me up from the airport. It was going to be\u2014I was going to bring her home. I left Mexico; I had a meeting down there. I was with the kids; I was with T.J. and Amanda and Trey. I wanted\u2014I was meeting her there. She picked me up, and she looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her [look]. She was just, \u201cWow!\u201d She actually made me feel like she wanted me to be there.<\/p>\n<p>I remember when she picked me up; I remember the car she was driving; I remember what she was wearing. It was an amazing connection that night.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: But the thing about that, too\u2014and I think about this: we talked about this, and we didn\u2019t even put this in the book: this is how at the bottom we were, and how at the bottom I was. I remember seeing Tim and just feeling love for him; but in my mind, I thought, \u201cI can\u2019t even make love to my husband because I could give him a disease.\u201d I remember thinking that, and there was a period in that time that I actually thought I was pregnant. That\u2019s the person that I was, and the thoughts that I had about things.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So, did you tell him? I mean, what happened? You got back home\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: So, it was on the drive home that I told him a few\u2014a little bit of it. I started sharing some of the things with him.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, was it something that you felt like you just had to tell him?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: I just felt like I had to tell him!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You couldn\u2019t even wait until you got home or the next day?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: No!<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Kath has always been that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: \u2014I was always that way.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: She could never\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: \u2014I just felt guilt! I couldn\u2019t look at him without him knowing. I think he could almost see it in me, too. So, I shared a little bit; but it wasn\u2019t until\u2014the first chapter of the book is called \u201cCaught\u201d\u2014we got home, and I shared some of the things with him. But then, he was leaving one day for work\u2014I think it was a couple of weeks later\u2014and I thought\u2014in my mind, I thought\u2014\u201cYou know, probably our marriage is\u2014we\u2019re going to stay married, and I\u2019m going to have an affair once in a while. I\u2019m going to satisfy that need.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I thought of an old boyfriend, and I called him. I thought Tim had left the house, and he ended up coming back in and coming up to the office, and [he] caught me on the phone. Then, that\u2019s when I told him everything, which was the rock bottom.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, Tim, what did you think?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Well, at that point, I thought, \u201cWe just can\u2019t be married.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: \u201cThis is finally my\u2014I\u2019m at the end, for me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: For the first time.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: For the first time, really. I couldn\u2019t do it, because of (as we\u2019ll talk about in the book, later) my past, growing up. I wasn\u2019t marriage material, but I did not want a divorce no matter what.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Your mom had been divorced nine\u2014?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: \u2014yes, she was married\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014nine\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Tim: \u2014nine times.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Married nine times.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Yes; so, that was\u2014and my dad married; well, he\u2019s with his fifth now. It was really tough when Kath told me that. I just thought, \u201cI can\u2019t do this. I can\u2019t do this. How are we ever going to make it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And the funny thing is (and it even says this in the book), we were together that morning, and we had sex. I thought it was great. We had this amazing connection that morning. I was literally gone five minutes, and I came back, walking up the stairs, and I went to that room. I\u2019m hearing her talking to somebody, and it wasn\u2019t her mom; it wasn\u2019t her sister. I could tell it was a dude.<\/p>\n<p>Then, I hear her say, \u201cMy marriage isn\u2019t good. How is yours?\u201d talking to the guy. It just put me into a spin cycle. It was really a tough morning.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, did you go to work? Or did you just blow up?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: I just\u2014well, Kath had a phone card on the desk. I asked her, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d And I realized that I could trace those calls, and I told her I was going to. It was back! I wanted to manipulate and control\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: \u2014back in the days of the phone cards\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: So, he couldn\u2019t trace the cell phone.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: I wanted to figure this out, get the wound opened up and get it figured out.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: But you had threatened me.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: He had threatened me. He had threatened: \u201cI\u2019m going to check all these phone calls.\u201d I actually begged him! He was going to head to work, and I remember begging him, saying, \u201cI don\u2019t want to live like this! I don\u2019t want our marriage to be like this. I want to be married. I will do whatever you want. We\u2019ll go to counseling.\u201d I just said, \u201cLet\u2019s make this work.\u201d I remember begging him, because I felt like that was the first time that he was done with me.<\/p>\n<p>And I wasn\u2019t, for some reason. That\u2019s the thing. It\u2019s like we had this cycle in our marriage, where I wanted a divorce, and he didn\u2019t. I truly think that this is the first time that he had said\u2014once in a while, he would say, \u201cWell, we can get a divorce. You know, I\u2019ll keep the kids, and you can get half of the bills.\u201d That, kind of, was his comeback to me.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Yes, \u201cyou can get half of the bills, and you\u2019re going to have to go to work and figure it out, because I\u2019m not paying your bills. I\u2019m not paying that guy\u2019s bills.\u201d I was pretty manipulative. I was going to control it, even from a distance.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, and in the book, you know, you open up with that, then you sort of go back and take us to that. I mean, what are the pieces of your lives before you were married, and even dating, that led you to where you were?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because we all have baggage.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes, we bring it!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes; we bring it into the marriage, not realizing, \u201cOh, so much of this\u2014so much of this\u2014is because of my past.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: So, take us back to that a little bit. What affected your marriage?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Do you want me to go first, or you?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: You go ahead.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: So, you know, my mom and dad\u2014my dad was a veteran. He was a Marine. They divorced [when I was] a year-old. My mom and dad\u2014my mom was married nine times; she married two guys twice. My brother\u2019s dad physically abused me; he put me in the hospital a couple of times from beatings. He also\u2014I saw him beat my mom, too. That was a big\u2014<\/p>\n<p>You know, he was in his twenties. I have forgiven him since then. I don\u2019t know what it would have been like to do that, for him. I don\u2019t know his story; but I got to see that. Then, my mom married another guy who was very similar, and then, she married another guy who also physically abused me. So, I saw three different men hurt my mom. Then, at age 12, my mom went to my grandparents and said, \u201cI can\u2019t raise Tim anymore. Will you take him for adoption? Would you take custody of him?\u201d She had already given my brother to his dad.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ugh.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Because the guy that she wanted to marry didn\u2019t want to marry anybody who had kids.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Talk about abandonment and rejection, Tim.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: At age 12, which is when this was, my Pops said, \u201cWell, we won\u2019t take custody of him, but if we can adopt him, we\u2019ll do it.\u201d He was pretty smart.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: My mom said, \u201cWell, you\u2019re going to have to ask his dad.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is your grandfather?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: My grandfather. My grandfather called my dad, and he said [to me], \u201cI want you to listen to this conversation.\u201d It was at a round table at the farmhouse. He dialed the phone on an old rotary phone; the old kind with a dial on it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: And my dad\u2019s nickname was Butch. My Pops said, \u201cButch, this is Merle. Janet wants to give Tim up for adoption, but we need your permission.\u201d There was a pause, and then, my Pops said, \u201cNo, you won\u2019t have to pay the $50 a month anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh!<\/p>\n<p>Tim: My dad only lived 45 minutes away from me during all these years, and I only saw him, maybe, a half-dozen times during all those 12 years.<\/p>\n<p>Then, there was another pause, and then, my Pops said, \u201cNo, as soon as you get the paperwork back to me, you\u2019ll be relieved of your responsibility.\u201d Click. End of conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oooooh, and you heard that conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: I heard that, and Pops wanted me to.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You\u2019re on the other end.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Pops wanted me to.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: He said, \u201cThis will be profound for you someday, and you need to hear this.\u201d Now, he also encouraged me to see my dad, too; my Pop did, even after, as I got older.<\/p>\n<p>Then, we went to the judge for the adoption, and the judge asked me what name I wanted. I said, \u201cWell, if I could have any name I want, it would be Bush.\u201d I looked at my grandparents, and they said, \u201cWe were hoping you would say that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Because that was their last name?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: So, that\u2019s what they did.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wait, Tim. You\u2019re emotional\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What do you feel when you talk about this and relive it?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Well, it feels like I was finally going to get this family that I wanted. I wanted a sense of family. They were solid\u2014my grandparents\u2014at least in my mind; but they didn\u2019t end up being so solid either. They were solid in so many ways, but not in marriage; not showing what a good marriage would be.<\/p>\n<p>There was no church, really, growing up, although I was baptized three different times: as a baby in the Nazarene church, and then one of my mom\u2019s husbands wanted me to get baptized in the Baptist church. I had no idea what I was doing. Then, my mom married a Mormon guy, and I got to put a white robe on and get baptized in that church. So, three different baptisms, and I didn\u2019t know what I was doing, but I did that. That was all before I was 12.<\/p>\n<p>My grandparents\u2014the only time we went to church was funerals or weddings. We didn\u2019t go to church. My Pop was a hide-rider for me to be promiscuous. He said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to sow your wild oats, son!\u201d Even to the point that\u2014and I say this in the book\u2014he handed me a brown paper bag with a box of Trojans in it, at 14 years old. He said, \u201cI want you to use these. Don\u2019t get any girls pregnant.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cYou need to sow your wild oats, son. Someday, you\u2019re going to be married to somebody like your Grandma for the rest of your life.\u201d That was what that solid marriage looked like.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: That was what he said. So, that was pretty much\u2014he was my cheerleader in that department; and he also taught me to work. My work ethic was high, because he said, \u201cWomen like men who have jobs and have things, who have money. You want to do that.\u201d So, he taught me how to work; he taught me how to invest and things like that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: When did you start drinking?<\/p>\n<p>Tim: They\u2019d give me, at Christmas time, a wine flip or a little bit of Macnaughton\u2019s in coke\u2014at Christmas\u2014when I was 13 or 14; just a little bit. He said, \u201cI want you to know what this is so you can handle it as you get older.\u201d That was his reasoning.<\/p>\n<p>Then, when I got older, like high school, I would drink\u2014He\u2019d say, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t bother me if you drink. Just don\u2019t lie to me. And if you drink, don\u2019t drive. Call me up to tell me you\u2019re going to spend the night wherever you are. I\u2019ll be good with that; just call me before 11, because I go to bed at 11.\u201d So, that was just what we did, but it didn\u2019t create much of an environment for me to be a good husband to Kath, because I didn\u2019t know what a good husband looked like.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, that was your premarital counseling.<\/p>\n<p>Tim: Pretty much.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: You know, all of us come from a past that informs and shapes our present. Sometimes, it\u2019s great stuff from the past that affects us, and sometimes, like Tim was talking about, it\u2019s pretty rough. The real question is: how does the gospel get into the roots of our lives and change us now?<\/p>\n<p>Well, we\u2019re going to hear more from Tim and Kathy\u2019s story tomorrow, which you won\u2019t want to miss. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Tim and Kathy Bush on FamilyLife Today. Tim and Kathy have written a book together called Sex on the First Date. It\u2019s a story of their broken beginning and how Jesus radically transformed their marriage. You can get a copy and learn more about their story and be inspired about what Jesus did in their life by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com and getting your copy. Or you can find it in the Show Notes, or call us at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know, several years ago, and for over three decades, there was a voice on FamilyLife Today, and that voice was connected to a man named Bob Lepine. Bob was a mentor of mine. He trained me on how to do what I\u2019m doing on FamilyLife Today right now. I have a deep respect for that man, as no doubt, you do if you listened in the past.<\/p>\n<p>Bob has written a book called Twelve Things You Probably Didn\u2019t Know about Easter. We are approaching that time of year where we get to celebrate the purposeful celebration of our risen Savior. This book really talks about, maybe, the nuance and some intricacies that you did not know about Easter. There are twelve weird and wonderful facts spanning all the way from the resurrection\u2019s origins up through to the present-day.<\/p>\n<p>This book that Bob Lepine has written is going to be our gift to you when you give to FamilyLife Today. You can get your copy now with any donation that you decide to make. Just go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And feel free to drop us something in the mail, too, if you\u2019d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, FL 32832. If you do send us a donation in the mail, make sure you let us know that you\u2019d like a copy of Bob Lepine\u2019s book, Twelve Things You Probably Didn\u2019t Know about Easter.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been talking about Tim and Kathy\u2019s marriage today, and you might be wondering, \u201cHow does God restore something like that?\u201d You may be thinking about your own marriage and wondering, \u201cHow is God going to restore my relationship with my spouse? Does He do that still? Is that what He\u2019s in the business of doing? It seems kind of hopeless.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, we want you to come back tomorrow and listen to the restoration story of Tim and Kathy Bush\u2019s marriage. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280308","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280308"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280308"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280308"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280308"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280308"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280308"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280308"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}