{"id":280297,"date":"2024-04-04T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-04T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner\/"},"modified":"2025-04-16T16:27:31","modified_gmt":"2025-04-16T20:27:31","slug":"death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner\/","title":{"rendered":"Death, Diagnosis &#038; Divorce: Vaneetha &#038; Joel Risner"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you could ask God one question, what would it be? Maybe, &#8216;Why do bad things happen?&#8217; or &#8216;Why did my husband cheat?&#8217; or &#8216;Why this diagnosis?&#8217; Vaneetha Risner met her husband Joel following a searing divorce and a life-altering diagnosis. She asked her own questions of God&#8211;and shares how to find hope in difficult times.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you could ask God one question, what would it be? Maybe, &#8216;Why do bad things happen?&#8217; or &#8216;Why did my husband cheat?&#8217; or &#8216;Why this diagnosis?&#8217; Vaneetha Risner met her husband Joel following a searing divorce and a life-altering diagnosis. She asked her o&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/9dcafb44-962d-4a94-abaf-b154011bedf0\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:51","filesize":"27.36M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-04-04 09:15:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2147],"podcast_series":[10980],"cwp_profile":[9903],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280297","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-polio-syndrome","podcast_series-if-god-is-good-why-do-bad-things-happen-vaneetha-joel-risner-2","cwp_profile-joel-and-vaneetha-risner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280297\/death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280297\/death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wjTfew6XXz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner\/\">Death, Diagnosis &#038; Divorce: Vaneetha &#038; Joel Risner<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/death-diagnosis-divorce-vaneetha-joel-risner\/embed\/#?secret=wjTfew6XXz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Death, Diagnosis &#038; Divorce: Vaneetha &#038; Joel Risner&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wjTfew6XXz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/04\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"If you could ask God one question, what would it be? Maybe, 'Why do bad things happen?' or 'Why did my husband cheat?' or 'Why this diagnosis?' Vaneetha Risner met her husband Joel following a searing divorce and a life-altering diagnosis. She asked her o...","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<p>Connect with Vaneetha Risner and catch more of their thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vaneetha.com\/\">vaneetha.com<\/a>, and on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/vaneetharisner\/\">Instagram<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/vaneetharisner\">Facebook<\/a> @vaneetharisner.<br \/>\nAnd grab Vaneetha's book, \"<a href=\"https:\/\/www.vaneetha.com\/desperate-for-hope\">Desperate for Hope<\/a>\"on her website.<br \/>\nIntrigued by today's episode? Think deeper about Losing a Loved One by listening to \"<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/losing-the-one-i-loved-ron-deal-davey-kristi-blackburn\/\">Losing the One I Loved<\/a>.\"<br \/>\nWant to hear more episodes by Vaneetha, listen <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/vaneetha-risner\/\">here<\/a>!<br \/>\nExperience a <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\/\">Weekend to Remembe<\/a>r: Delight in 3 days of romance and reconnection, now available at a 40% discount until Thursday, April 11th.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/familylife-today-2\/?cru_source=24EGPCandcru_medium=podcastandcru_campaign=FLToday\">Donate to FamilyLife Today!<\/a><br \/>\nFind resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><br \/>\nFind more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/>\nHelp others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/>\nCheck out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/p>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-04-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript<\/p>\n<p>References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.<\/p>\n<p>Death, Diagnosis, and Divorce<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Joel and Vaneetha Risner<\/p>\n<p>From the series:If God is Good, Why Do Bad Things Happen? (Day 1 of 2)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:April 4, 2024<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: I was thinking, \u201cWould anybody really want to marry me?\u201d Just knowing that, \u201cI don\u2019t know where the end is. It could be quadriplegia. There\u2019s a likelihood of that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember one thing that was so neat. We were engaged, and I said, \u201cThe thing I\u2019m dreading is walking down the aisle, not with you, but because I hate my limp. It reminds me, probably from the time I was seven, This says to somebody, \u2018You have a disability; you\u2019re different.\u2019 And Joel said to me, \u201cI love the way you walk, and I\u2019ve loved it from the beginning.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh!<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Alright, I have a question for you: when people say, \u201cI can\u2019t wait to get to heaven to ask God this question, the hard question,\u201d what question would you ask God?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How does the hypostatic union work? [Laughter] I\u2019m kidding, I\u2019m kidding. It would probably be about my brother.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: What about him?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014about his death\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014as a five-year-old.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s been a long, long time ago, obviously. But watching my mom and dad get divorced, my dad having affairs, [his] alcohol, and then the divorce happened, and months later, my brother died.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You were only seven, and he was five.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I was seven. Obviously, I didn\u2019t know at the time the trauma that I was navigating, then to add that on top of it. It isn\u2019t so much, \u201cWhy?\u201d as \u201cI\u2019m so sad,\u201d even to this day. It would have been such a beautiful thing to grow up with him, [and I] especially needed him during that time. I think that\u2019s probably one. I\u2019m not asking God, \u201cWhy?\u201d I understand God\u2019s sovereignty.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But I think you probably did as a little boy [ask], \u201cWhy God?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014as a little boy, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I think all of us have questions when we go through pain of, \u201cWhat was the purpose? Why this?\u201d and \u201cGod, how could You allow this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to get to those questions today. I think our listeners [should] pull in close. If you\u2019re working out, get that earbud in there good, because we\u2019re going to answer and look at some of these questions.<\/p>\n<p>We have Vaneetha Risner back with us today, in the studio with her husband, Joel.<\/p>\n<p>You guys, we are excited to have you with us.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014to have you both.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: We are so excited to be here.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: \u2014excited to be here.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s a little better than Little Rock, isn\u2019t it, this studio? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, and the weather.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: I wasn\u2019t going to say\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014the weather.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: \u2014but now that you brought it up, sure.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, Little Rock is awesome, but man, oh man! You\u2019re in Orlando now, and this studio is amazing.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha, we\u2019ve had you on. You\u2019re going to have to tell your story again, because we\u2019re going to talk today about your devotional, Desperate for Hope.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s a Bible study.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It\u2019s really a Bible study. But we\u2019ve got Joel with you. This is a\u2014we want to hear both sides of this story. Give us a little bit about\u2014you came in here in a wheelchair.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did this happen?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Take us back.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: \u201cTake you back.\u201d Okay, well, I got polio as an infant. I was in India, three months old; and the vaccine had been developed, but in India, they often didn\u2019t give it at three months. I got polio, but the doctors had no idea what it was. I could not move my arms or legs, complete quadriplegic, so, they told my parents, \u201cJust leave India. There\u2019s nothing we can do here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In India, disability is a curse. So, there were, at the time and maybe even today, very few services. People are ashamed of having a disability because it means you did something wrong, your parents did something wrong, [or] somebody did something wrong.<\/p>\n<p>We moved from India to England, and then to Canada, and started having surgeries in Canada. I had 21 operations by the time I was 13; lived in the hospital for, one time, a year [with] my back in a body cast. I was seven years old. I remember\u2014seven was a time of a lot of trauma. You start to have, for me, continuous memories of what that was like.<\/p>\n<p>I was angry at God. My parents were Christians, and they would often say, \u201cGod is with you.\u201d I thought, \u201cGod is not with me! I am alone in this hospital room.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You thought that as a seven-year-old?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, I remember thinking I didn\u2019t want to hear anything about God. That was for years, because it felt like people had clich\u00e9 answers to hard questions.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: You know, \u201cTrust God. It\u2019s all going to work out,\u201d [and] \u201cLook at the bright side.\u201d Things that made no sense to me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You still, at that point, couldn\u2019t move?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: When I was seven years old, after multiple surgeries, I was able to walk. That was incredible, and a lot of miracles went through with that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But you had been through a lot physically and emotionally.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: If I\u2019m in a cast for a week\u2014seriously, there\u2019s part of me that says, \u201cOkay, how long is this going to take?\u201d You were literally, for a year?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, I was nine months flat on my back in a body cast. My parents could only visit me on weekends\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ugh!<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: \u2014so, it was just this interesting\u2014interesting meaning really hard\u2014existence. So, from that perspective, people would come in and visit me and talk to me about God, and I thought, \u201cMy life is these four walls and these people.\u201d I couldn\u2019t believe that a loving God would have let that happen to me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How did you resolve that?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: It was interesting. All the way through grade school and junior high, I went to church with my family because they were believers and I just showed up there.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Were you picked on at school?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes. In elementary school, when I was seven and just learned to walk, I was\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014you learned to walk at seven?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, and had gotten to kindergarten or first grade, around then. These kids threw stones at me as I was walking and pushed me down and called me a \u201ccripple\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh!<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: And I remember thinking, \u201cThis world is not fair.\u201d It was just so gut wrenching to me, and I did not tell my parents. I didn\u2019t tell anybody for 20 years, probably\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201420 years?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: \u2014because it felt like shame [and] like, \u201cI am that different that people don\u2019t like me that much that they would\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cI am so broken.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yet there you were, you\u2019re going to church, hearing about God.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: \u2014and thought, \u201cThis is for other people.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When I was 16 years old, I got involved in FCA. My best friend and I would sit in the back and talk about boys. [Laughter] That was the only reason I thought anybody should go to FCA. Then one day, she went on a retreat, and she came back and said, \u201cGod is real.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I was just so upset. I remember thinking, \u201cShe\u2019s going to want to talk about God.\u201d And she did. She wanted to talk about God all the time. Finally, one night, I went home, and I said, \u201cGod, if you are real, show me.\u201d I thought, \u201cOkay, God, what are you going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Nothing happened that night, so I got up the next morning\u2014and I had a Bible from being confirmed at church, which is a little scary because I did not know Jesus, never picked up the Bible. So, I ripped the cellophane off it and opened it. I said, \u201cOkay, God, show me. Are you real?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember flipping first to Leviticus and thinking, \u201cHmm.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s a good place to start.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, it\u2019s a great place! I thought, \u201cUm, I\u2019m not sure.\u201d This is kind of what I thought about faith. Then I asked the question\u2014I said, \u201cWhy did this happen? Why did this happen to me? If You\u2019re so good, and You\u2019re so loving, what did I do for this to happen?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I flipped open the Bible randomly (but with God nothing is random) to John 9, where Jesus is talking to His disciples. They see a man blind from birth, and they said to Jesus, \u201c\u2026who sinned, this man or his parents\u2026?\u201d [John 9:2]<\/p>\n<p>Dave: You turned right to John 9?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes. I was riveted at this point. Then Jesus says, \u201cIt is not that this man sinnedm or his parents, but that the work of God would be displayed in His life.\u201d [John 9:3, Paraphrased]<\/p>\n<p>That blew me away because my question was, \u201cWhy? What had I done?\u201d and Jesus took\u2014and that\u2019s what the disciples were asking, and in a lot of ways, that\u2019s our question to everybody. Somebody says, \u201cI got divorced,\u201d and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d We ask that question of ourselves and of other people, saying, \u201cWhat did you do wrong?\u201d Yet Jesus\u2019 answer had nothing to do with who sinned, or whose fault it was, or the why that they were asking, but \u201cWhy?\u201d [meaning] \u201cWhat was the purpose?\u201d and it was for the glory of God.<\/p>\n<p>That blew me away. I still remember thinking, \u201cWow! God is real, and God is listening. God has heard. God knows me.\u201d [Laughter] I knelt down by the side of my bed, and I committed my life to Jesus. I didn\u2019t know Him, but I knew He knew me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Wow! That is powerful, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I\u2019m tearing up.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Me, too. It\u2019s just like, \u201cWooh!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I can see you on your knees. It\u2019s interesting that there\u2019s not\u2014your friend went to the retreat and inspired you to even ask that question; but it was just you and the Word of God.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: To come to the realization, you don\u2019t know God, but He knows you [and] He\u2019s seen you.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, right.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Did it give you hope for your future?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, yes; it really did. I thought, \u201cOkay, God is in my future. He\u2019s in my today.\u201d But interestingly, what I took from that was \u201cI\u2019ve had my one piece of suffering. God is going to be glorified in and through my life.\"<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, \u201c\u2014my one thing!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: I remember\u2014I literally remember thinking, \u201cYou guys don\u2019t know. You are going to have suffering one day. I\u2019ve had mine. It\u2019s in the rearview mirror. I\u2019m good to go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u201cLet\u2019s move on,\u201d yes.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Functionally, really, I had a little bit of a prosperity gospel theology after that, thinking, \u201cIf you do the right stuff, God is going to come through.\u201d For ten years, I had success, grad school, married a classmate from there and just thought, \u201cYou\u2019re faithful to God, you read the Bible, you love Him, and life is going to be good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: It sounds like there is a \u201cbut\u201d coming.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes! Then, I turned 30 years old, and life fell apart. That was\u2014I knew, back to when I was 16 [and thought], \u201cWow! There is a purpose,\u201d but it surprises you. I think we all get surprised by suffering. When we have some success in life we think, \u201cOkay, we need to just be with God, and He is going to bless us.\u201d But our definition of \u201cbless\u201d and God\u2019s definition of \u201cblessing\u201d are very different.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What happened at 30?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: At 30, my husband had an affair. So, that sort of rocked my world. I didn\u2019t expect it at all, but we put our marriage back together in marriage counseling. I was very thankful for that; but then just as we had been through counseling for two years, got pregnant, and our son died of a heart problem.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oh, Vaneetha, I remember when we talked about this before. I remember feeling the weight of\u2014when you were born, when you had polio, when you were little [and] you were given the wrong medication\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: And [then] you had a baby son who seemed to be okay. \u201cOkay, he\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d Then he passed away.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: There was this guilt feeling like, \u201cShould I have seen the signs? Should I have\u2026?\u201d You just do the \u201cwhat ifs.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You had already had two girls, and this was your little boy.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: I had one girl at that point, because my other daughter was born after Paul. But I remember just bargaining, begging; and just really thinking, \u201cOkay, God is hearing me. We\u2019re going to go to the hospital, and it\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Going to the hospital and having them say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, your son is dead\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Oooh.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: I just could not process those words. They were ricocheting in my head. They took me back to the room where he was, and it just didn\u2019t make sense to me that I had been faithful, I had already been through suffering. It felt like, \u201cGod, where are You?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t have understanding of lament or drawing near to God, so I [thought], \u201cYou\u2019ve just got to buckle down.\u201d My Bible was unopened, and I felt so distant from God.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You were mad at Him.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, I was very angry, but I didn\u2019t even know how to tell Him that. I did not go to God. I turned from God. I wouldn\u2019t say I turned from God; I leaned away. I didn\u2019t want to look at God; I didn\u2019t want to talk to Him.<\/p>\n<p>But then one day in the car, I was so, so broken, and I said, \u201cGod, help me.\u201d And the presence of God filled my car. It was one of the most incredible moments of my life, similar to when I came to Christ. God was there. And it was [as if He said], \u201cI\u2019m with you. I\u2019m here. I was there with Paul. This is not an accident; this is not a mistake. Trust Me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It felt unbelievable that that was one of the purest moments in my life. But recognizing that God is with you is really incredible. It\u2019s better than not having pain; it\u2019s better than not having suffering.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You needed it.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: It\u2019s meeting Jesus in your suffering. There\u2019s nothing like that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: All you did was cry out.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, that\u2019s all I did.<\/p>\n<p>Then I really discovered the language of lament. It wasn\u2019t that that took away everything, but I knew, \u201cI can trust You, God, and I can go to you with how I am feeling.\u201d That transformed my relationship with God.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What do you mean, the lament part?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014that you could be honest?<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u2014that you could be honest with Him.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: \u2014being honest; realizing, \u201cI don\u2019t have to say things I don\u2019t feel; [and] I can just go to God.\u201d That was important because, six years after Paul died, I was diagnosed with post-polio syndrome.<\/p>\n<p>We talked about the fact that I\u2019m in a wheelchair. I was walking. I used to walk to work, lived in Boston, lived on the third floor. After all my surgeries, I lived a very normal life. But then, six years after Paul died, [I] was diagnosed.<\/p>\n<p>Basically, post-polio syndrome means your body is going backwards. All the gains that I had made, they\u2019re getting undone. I use a wheelchair more than I walk, although I had a procedure done yesterday, so I can walk, which is a huge blessing. But my arms are really weak, and I can do so much less.<\/p>\n<p>Joel and I have been married nine years. My life is dramatically different than when we first met in terms of what I can do for myself, so I see it unwinding. But I knew God would be faithful, so it was after that experience with Paul that I thought, \u201cOkay, God, this is hard, but we\u2019re in this together.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: But then, you went through a divorce.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes, six years after I was diagnosed with post-polio, my ex-husband came home and said he was leaving for someone else. That wrecked me.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: If you are listening and you\u2019re like me, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhat in the world? How many things can you go through?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yet, even after that, how did you lift your head back up to Jesus?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Jesus was all I had, Ann. I realized, \u201cI have no hope.\u201d My kids were rebelling. Both of them walked away from faith. My body was weakening. There was nothing but God.<\/p>\n<p>I would say those years were the hardest years of my life. But I would get up extra early, and I\u2019d open my Bible. I remember saying, \u201cMy soul clings to the dust. Revive me according to Your Word.\u201d That\u2019s Psalm 119:25. God did.<\/p>\n<p>That was the most incredible time. I can say Jesus was my joy. God was so near. I feel like that\u2019s the hope in suffering; even though our circumstances can be so hard. There is an intimacy with Jesus that I think is reserved for suffering.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ooh! That\u2019s a quote right there. Whoo!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: How do you explain\u2014and Joel, you can speak into this, too, because you walk into her life\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes, Joel, bring us in\u2014we\u2019ve had you on before and talked to you\u2014but bring us to this point of meeting Vaneetha. You know that she\u2019s suffered and gone through a lot. What\u2019s that been like for you guys together?<\/p>\n<p>Joel: When we met, I had been widowed for eight years. I wanted to be married again, but I wasn\u2019t\u2014I had gotten to the point where I said, \u201cLord, if you want met to stay single, I\u2019m fine with that; but I would really like to be married. I\u2019m a better man when I\u2019m married.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I had met a number of people, some very fine people; but when I met Vaneetha, I can\u2019t even describeahis was so different. The second weekend\u2014I was living in Knoxville, Tennessee at the time. She was living in Raliegh. I drove over the first time we met in July of 2014. When I left that day I said, \u201cI\u2019d like to see you again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She was going to a writer\u2019s conference in Charlotte, North Carolina the following weekend. I said, \u201cThat\u2019s great because Charlotte\u2019s even closer than Raleigh. How about your conference ends Saturday\u2014\u201d And then, she was flying out from Charlotte on Sunday to go visit her relative. I said, \u201cI\u2019ll drive over. After the conference, we\u2019ll have dinner; we\u2019ll talk. We\u2019ll find a church in the morning, have lunch, and I\u2019ll take you to the airport.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We were sitting in a coffee shop after church that Sunday morning, and somehow, the topic turned to me visiting my father. My father and I had been widowed within six months of each other. We drew very close together after that. I would go out and see him in the Midwest twice a year.<\/p>\n<p>I had not invited anyone since my late wife passed away to go visit my family with me. The second time Vaneetha and I had been together, I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to go see my dad in October. Do you want to come with me?\u201d People who know me would tell you, I\u2019m not impulsive. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>It was the most\u2014it wasn\u2019t premeditated; it just came out\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014it made sense, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: It was the most natural thing to say; right. I think the fact that I had been through, with my late wife, watching her get weaker with cancer, one of the things that taught me was\u2014and it should be obvious to all of us\u2014your body can get weaker, but \u201cI didn\u2019t marry you for your ability to pick something up and carry it across the room. I marred you for her you are.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It reminds me of \u201c\u2026outwardly, we\u2019re wasting away but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Joel: \u2014exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201c\u2014but inwardly, we\u2019re being renewed day by day.\u201d [2 Corinthians 4:16]<\/p>\n<p>Joel: Exactly. I remember saying to Vaneetha, \u201cI can pick up anything and carry it around the house. That doesn\u2019t matter to me, whether you can do it or not.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: \u201cBut who you are inside, that doesn\u2019t change. Your body may be wasting away, but that doesn\u2019t change. In fact, it\u2019s getting better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Vaneetha, what did you think of that, when he said that? What did you feel?<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: I was blown away, because I was thinking, \u201cWould anybody really want to marry me?\u201d just knowing that I don\u2019t know where the end is? It could be quadriplegia; there\u2019s a likelihood of that. There was this question of, \u201cCan I even ask somebody to sign up for that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember, after Joel and I were dating, I kept saying, \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Finally, Joel said, \u201cI\u2019m sure. Stop asking me that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember one thing that was so neat. We were engaged, and I said, \u201cYou know, the thing I\u2019m dreading is walking down the aisle; not with you, but because I hate my limp. It reminds me, probably from the time I was seven, this says to somebody: \u2018You have a disability; you\u2019re different.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And Joel said to me, \u201cI love the way you walk, and I\u2019ve loved it from the beginning.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Ooh! Isn\u2019t that marriage? We all come in with a limp.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: Yes, right!<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You know? We all have a limp! Some are visible, and some aren\u2019t. The longer that Dave and I have been married, I can say\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014she can say I\u2019m a big limper. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: I can say, \u201cI love your limp!\u201d It\u2019s part of who you are; it\u2019s part of what is endearing to me. Or we can look at our spouse and say, \u201cBut you are so broken.\u201d I choose\u2014I think that\u2019s the word\u2014we choose to see each other the way God created us with the potential. Even toward the end of our lives, as we\u2019re getting older saying, \u201cMan, God has more ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But we haven\u2019t even gotten to\u2014some of you are listening, and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve got some hard questions for Vaneetha.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave: They\u2019re all in your Bible study. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Seriously, we haven\u2019t even talked about any of them yet. We\u2019ve got to go there, because I\u2019m sitting here amazed, and I know our listeners are, that you are a believer.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Do you know what I mean? You have every reason to say, \u201cI\u2019m out. I am out.\u201d And many people have, and they didn\u2019t endure half of what you endured, and they\u2019ve said, \u201cIf this is what life with God is like, I\u2019m out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And you are singing His praises, both of you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: You as a couple, you\u2019re inspiring. The way you serve, Joel, and look out for what Vaneetha needs. Vaneetha, knowing that you contribute so much to Joel and to your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Joel: She does.<\/p>\n<p>Ann: It\u2019s beautiful.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha: Oh.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: But the listeners are thinking, \u201cHow do I get to where you are?\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Ann: Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: That\u2019s tomorrow. You\u2019ve got to tune in, because we\u2019re going to go there tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>Shelby: Ugh! A cliffhanger. Well, you know what? I know Vaneetha and her story, so you will not want to miss any of what she has to say tomorrow when she and Joel come back.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Vaneetha and Joel Risner on FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Vaneetha has written a book called Desperate for Hope: Questions We Ask God in Suffering, Loss, and Longing. Have you ever been there? I definitely have. Vaneetha is so good at speaking into these kinds of questions and topics.<\/p>\n<p>Her book is a Bible study along with video access, so it gets you both of those. It\u2019s practical wisdom for growth; gaining confidence in the Lord, strength in Him, and a deeper connection with God.<\/p>\n<p>You can get your copy of Vaneetha\u2019s book by going online right now to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can find it in the show notes as well. Or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One of the things that I am so proud of [as] a staff member with FamilyLife is the Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway. It has helped so many couples over so many years to reunite and connect with one another under the banner of the gospel in ways that have been practically miraculous. Really, they are. God does incredible things at the Weekend to Remember getaway.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted to let you know right now that you can enjoy three days of romance and reconnection with your spouse at the Weekend to Remember marriage getaway because it\u2019s 40 percent off now through Thursday, April 11th. There\u2019s no promo code needed. You can get the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more, or you can go to WeekendtoRemember.com.<\/p>\n<p>We still have 20 Weekend to Remember getaways coming up between now and mid-June. Don\u2019t let any summer plans keep you from prioritizing your marriage right now. You can get ahead of the busyness and make your plans for just the two of you.<\/p>\n<p>Again, you can find the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, I\u2019m excited to say that Vaneetha and Joel Risner are coming back. They\u2019re going to talk about being mad at God and, also, at the same time, the importance of expressing your emotions to God, which is not something we typically think of when we think about talking with God. But Vaneetha and Joel Risner will be here with Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about just that. We hope you\u2019ll join us.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280297","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280297"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280297"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280297"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280297"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}