{"id":280282,"date":"2024-04-25T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-25T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/hey-im-struggling-john-elmore\/"},"modified":"2024-11-19T04:15:15","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T09:15:15","slug":"hey-im-struggling-john-elmore","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/hey-im-struggling-john-elmore\/","title":{"rendered":"Hey, I&#8217;m Struggling: John Elmore"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Every community is filled with people who are struggling in a pattern that they can&#8217;t get out of\u2014often secretly. But even small secrets can grow in the dark. Imagine if we all felt safe enough to say, &#8220;Hey, I&#8217;m struggling.&#8221; John Elmore talks about opening up about addiction to our community. Could that be the first step to finding freedom?<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Caught in endless addiction loops? Follow John Elmore&#8217;s path from alcoholism to leading faith-based recovery for hope: Your freedom awaits.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/ab63e809-c62f-4f3f-aec8-b155010fcc98\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:55","filesize":"23.77M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-04-25 09:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2133],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9734],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280282","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-struggling-with-addiction","cwp_profile-john-elmore","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280282\/hey-im-struggling-john-elmore","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280282\/hey-im-struggling-john-elmore","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"pvPME34Yzz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/hey-im-struggling-john-elmore\/\">Hey, I&#8217;m Struggling: John Elmore<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/hey-im-struggling-john-elmore\/embed\/#?secret=pvPME34Yzz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Hey, I&#8217;m Struggling: John Elmore&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"pvPME34Yzz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["ab63e809-c62f-4f3f-aec8-b155010fcc98"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/ab63e809-c62f-4f3f-aec8-b155010fcc98\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:25:55"],"filesize":["23.77M"],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with John Elmore and catch more of his thoughts on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/john.elmore.338\/\">Facebook<\/a> and Instagram <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/john_a_elmore\/?hl=en\">@john_a_elmore<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab John\u2019s book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/freedom-starts-today-overcoming-struggles-and-addictions-one-day-at-a-time\/\">\"Freedom Starts Today: Overcoming Struggles and Addictions One Day at a Time\"<\/a> in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Or we'll send it at no cost to you with a <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/april-2024\/freedom-starts-today\/\">donation of any size this week<\/a>, as our way of saying a huge \"Thank you!\" for partnering with us toward stronger families around the world.<\/li>\n<li>Intrigued by today\u2019s episode? Think deeper about Addiction by listening to \"<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/addiction-and-our-marriages-happily-even-after-bob-and-dannah-gresh\/\">Addiction\u2013and Our Marriage\u2019s Happily Ever After<\/a>\".<\/li>\n<li>Want to hear more episodes by John Elmore, listen <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/john-elmore\/\">here<\/a>!\u00a0<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/familylife-today-2\/?cru_source=24EGPC&cru_medium=podcast&cru_campaign=FLToday\">Donate to FamilyLife Today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"_edit_lock":["1729041491:47000"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2024-04-25 09:00:00"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/ab63e809-c62f-4f3f-aec8-b155010fcc98\/audio.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-04-25.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nHey, I'm Struggling\r\n\r\nGuest:John Elmore\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Freedom Starts Today (Day 2 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:April 25, 2024\r\n\r\nJohn: One day in Dallas, I ran into my \u201cex\u201d three times. The \u201cex\u201d that I was running intowas Jack Daniels\u00ae on a billboard. It\u2019s because, specifically, they have created this rye whiskey. I [was] looking at it, and I [was thinking], \u201cAh, man! I quit drinking too soon. I never got to have that!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Wow.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI wonder what that\u2019s like.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014Today!\r\n\r\nDave: My dad had a drinking problem for over 60 years of his life. He finally got free in an interesting way. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, your dad got remarried and I happened to, when we got engaged, I went down to visit your dad and his wife of maybe ten years, your stepmom. I remember asking her, \u201cTell me about you and Dave.\" (Dave was named after his dad.) \u201cTell me about your life with him.\u201d\r\n\r\nShe said, \u201cWell, I had no idea he was an alcoholic when we got married.\u201d She said, \u201cI thought, \u2018I have got to come up with a strategy.\u2019 I thought to myself\u2014\u201d \u2014and she didn\u2019t have faith, but she was pretty intuitive\u2014she said, \u201cI thought to myself, \u2018What does he love the most in life?\u2019 The thing he loves the most in life is money.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: He loved his stuff.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, he did. So, he would blackout, and she would go around the house and destroy it. She\u2019d break mirrors, windows,\u2014Dave: \u2014lamps\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014furniture; everything. Then the next day, when he would come to, he would be aghast saying, \u201cWhat happened to the house?\u201d \r\n\r\nShe said, \u201cThis is what you did last night.\u201d [Laughter] \r\n\r\nJohn: Oh, my goodness! \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cAnd it\u2019s happening every night.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: That\u2019s amazing!\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cEvery night. there\u2019s more and more.\u201d He said, \u201cI can\u2019t afford to drink anymore. I\u2019m destroying everything in my life!\u201d So, he got sober. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: Of course, that doesn\u2019t work with everybody\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014no!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014but it worked with my dad. It was a switch that flipped, and he became a different man the last ten years of his life (or fifteen years). \r\n\r\nAnn: I think, Dave, the thing that really changed him was he came to faith in Jesus. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes. \r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s what ended up really transforming him. \r\n\r\nDave: It was a pretty amazing transformation. \r\n\r\nToday, we get to talk about all kinds of struggles that people deal with\u2014alcohol; it could be drugs; it could be pornography or anger or food.\r\n\r\nAnn: Addiction.\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019ve got John Elmore back with us. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today, John.\r\n\r\nJohn: Thanks, Dave and Ann. It\u2019s a joy to be here.\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019ve already heard your story this week on FamilyLife Today, coming from your\r\n\r\nbook, Freedom Starts Today: Overcoming Struggles and Addictions One Day at a Time. Again, I introduced you this week as the Director of Pastoral Care at Watermark Church in Dallas. But what\u2019s fascinating is, obviously, your story put you in this seat to lead a recovery ministry of over 1,200 people a week. I\u2019ve never heard of a church having that kind of attendance.\r\n\r\nAnn: John, what do you do? Tell us about that.\r\n\r\nJohn: It\u2019s a total work of God. I think we can forget that sometimes because it\u2019s become kind of normal. But every Monday\u2014we call it the spiritual emergency room of\r\n\r\nthe DFW Metroplex\u2014[we] have over 1,000 people every Monday; and half of\r\n\r\nthem have zero affiliation with our church. Tey\u2019re just wandering in because of theirpain. They get loved and discipled. They\u2019re told in very honest terms, because everyone has sin, not everyone has a Savior\u2014so, we\u2019re very clear and very honest.\r\n\r\nWe would never call it this, because no one would come, [but] it\u2019s year-\r\n\r\nlong discipleship. The front of the sign says \u201cRecovery.\u201d They come in for their problems. The back of the sign, after they leave one year later, says \u201cDiscipleship.\u201d\r\n\r\nThey\u2019ve been led, and loved, and shepherded in Jesus Christ. \r\n\r\nThere\u2019s large-group teaching, worship, and testimonies every Monday night; and then, you break up into gender-specific groups, male and female. You\u2019re in a small group, then, for a year. It\u2019s every struggle under the sun. I mean, we\u2019ve got witches, prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, drug addicts, prideful CEOs, homeless; and Jesus sets them all free when they\u2019re ready. It\u2019s a beautiful thing.\r\n\r\nDave: Let\u2019s talk about how He sets them free, because that\u2019s\u2014your book\u2019s actually a devotional; a 90-day devo that you can read and let God use it to leadyou to freedom.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: You\u2019ve already told us your story, which, talk about being real and honest! If the listener missed it, you\u2019ve got to go back and listen\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014because it was a powerful day.\r\n\r\nAnn: We were all crying in the studio that day, like crying hard!\r\n\r\nDave: In some ways, because I didn\u2019t know you then, it\u2019s almost hard to believe. You look at you now, and you talk about redemption and new life in Christ and a new creature. The old is gone! I\u2019m looking at a new creature based on what you shared; a guy ready to end his life because he was addicted to alcohol is set free.\r\n\r\nBut it wasn\u2019t like instantaneous; right? It was, \u201cset free,\u201d and some people walk away and they never\u2014and yet, you even shared, in the book, how you\u2019re driving around, and you have flings with your \u201cex.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about that a little bit, because when you read that, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s he talking about?\u201d But it\u2019s different than you think.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, I think that end dream might be called \u201clingering lovers.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: One day in Dallas, I ran into my \u201cex\u201d three times. I mean, Dallas is a big city,\r\n\r\nright?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: It\u2019s one of the nation\u2019s top-ten largest cities, so to run into someone by\r\n\r\nhappenstance three times, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhat is going on here?! I\u2019ve got to find newroutes to work or something, because this is crazy!\u201d\r\n\r\nThe \u201cex\u201d that I was running into was Jack Daniels on a billboard. Specifically\u2014I mean, I\r\n\r\nstill can see it in my mind\u2019s eye and remember it\u2014it\u2019s because they have created this rye whiskey. They didn\u2019t have it then; they just had Jack Daniels whiskey, \u201cGentleman Jack.\u201d \r\n\r\nI know too much about alcohol as a recovering alcoholic. That came out when I was in college. They didn\u2019t have rye, so I was looking at it, and I was saying, \u201cAh, man! I quit drinking too soon. I never got to have that!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Wow.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI wonder what that\u2019s like.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Wow!\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI\u2019d probably have that neat; maybe a highball glass, a couple cubes of ice.\u201d I\r\n\r\nmean, I\u2019m there. I\u2019m already thinking about my \u201cex\u201d\u2014three times, three billboards, in three different locations.\r\n\r\nSatan doesn\u2019t take vacation. He knows; he remembers. I\u2019ve heard way too many stories about people who had ten years, fifteen years, twenty-five years of sobriety from alcohol, porn, eating disorder, whatever, and then they fall. When they fall, they fall hard.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: Relapse is an ugly thing! It\u2019s not ugly that it shouldn\u2019t be talked about. But when it\r\n\r\nhappens, we usually go pretty big once we cave. \r\n\r\nTo that end, I think this book is helpful in that way. It\u2019s what I said before: I thought Jesus just saved us eternally. He wants us\u2014invites us\u2014to walk with Him daily, and as we do, He promises\u2014it\u2019s His promise\u2014I mean, that\u2019s crazy\u2014God gives a promise. He says, \u201cYou will not do what you don\u2019t want to do. You won\u2019t gratify the desires of the flesh if you walk with Me.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cThat\u2019s all you\u2019ve got to do is walk with Me! Don\u2019t try to follow My laws. My laws\r\n\r\njust show you when you\u2019re in or out of bounds.\u201d It\u2019s like a chalk line on a football field. It can\u2019t keep you in! It just shows you when you\u2019re out. The power is in the sanctification of the Spirit\u2014so walk by the Spirit\u2014this is a daily walk with God.\r\n\r\nDave: Again, you\u2019re referencing Galatians 5: \u201cWalk by the Spirit, and you will not indulge the desires of the flesh.\u201d [Galatians 5:16, paraphrased] I think a lot of us read that or hear that and think the opposite. It\u2019s like, \u201cIf I can stop the indulgence of the flesh, then I can walk with God.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, wow.\r\n\r\nDave: It\u2019s like we try to stop what we don\u2019t want to do, and then we can walk with God. And it\u2019s the opposite, right?\r\n\r\nJohn: That\u2019s the letter to the Galatians! That\u2019s why Paul gave the strongest language that he wrote in the New Testament, of all of his letters, to the Galatians. It\r\n\r\nwas because of this: they trusted in Jesus for salvation, and then they said, \u201cBut we\u2019re\r\n\r\nnot going to trust Him for our sanctification.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cWe\u2019ll trust Him for forgiveness of sins and freedom from hell. But now, we\u2019re\r\n\r\ngoing to follow all the rules of the Old Testament, because they\u2019re good, right, and\r\n\r\nholy so we\u2019re going to follow them.\u201d\r\n\r\nHe says, \u201cWho has bewitched you, you foolish Galatians?\u201d [Galatians 3:1, paraphrased] He goes strong, and it was because they\u2019d become rule-followers\u2014what you just said\u2014thinking, \u201cAlright, we\u2019ll stop doing what we don\u2019t want to do so that we can be right with God.\u201d\r\n\r\nHe\u2019s saying, \u201cIf anyone, let them be eternally accursed if they share a gospel other than this!\u201d [Galatians 1:8, paraphrased]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014 [a gospel] of works.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about a strong word! And I also think, and I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m right, I think a\r\n\r\nlot of people have tried that form of Christianity.\r\n\r\nJohn: Oh, we\u2019re all Galatians!\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, absolutely!\r\n\r\nJohn: We\u2019re all Galatians in our hearts.\r\n\r\nDave: And it doesn\u2019t work, so they walk away.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: [They think], \u201cI tried it. Dude, that Christianity thing didn\u2019t work for me.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cI know good people can do that. I couldn\u2019t do it, so I\u2019m out!\u201d And they never\r\n\r\nunderstood: \u201cNo, no, no! It\u2019s surrender to the Spirit of God; He\u2019ll give you power.\u201d\r\n\r\nHere\u2019s another thing\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right about this; it doesn\u2019t say: \u201cWhen you walk by the Spirit, you won\u2019t have desire\u2026\u201d It says, \u201cYou won\u2019t indulge that desire.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: So, when you see the Jack Daniels billboard it isn\u2019t like, \u201cOh, I have no desire.\u201d  It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, no. The desire\u2019s there, but I have a power now to not do it.\u201d \r\n\r\nHow did you get through that day?\r\n\r\nJohn: Martin Luther said, \u201cYou can\u2019t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest.\u201d They\u2019re going to fly; the temptation is going to come.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: But you don\u2019t invite that in and build a home for it. I think that temptation is always going to exist. I think, in the church, we have stopped talking about sin. Or we\u2019ll talk about it in a theological sense, but not in like, \u201cHey, this is what you\u2019re dealing with sins.\u201d \r\n\r\nWe stop talking about sin once we come to Jesus. That\u2019s crazy! So, you\u2019ve got a bunch of people sitting in the rows and pews, suffering in silence\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014with their sin, because, \u201cOnce you trust in Jesus, you\u2019re not supposed to\r\n\r\nstruggle anymore.\u201d People do [struggle]! The reality is: no, I have wept with God when\u2014I\u2019m speaking hypothetically, like someone\u2019s wife catches them in pornography;they\u2019re pleading with God to take it away. God\u2019s all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present,\r\n\r\nand yet, He hasn\u2019t; He doesn\u2019t. \r\n\r\nWhat do you do with that? If you\u2019re saying, \u201cDear wife, sorry. I asked God to take it away, but He hasn\u2019t.\u201d She\u2019s thinking, \u201cYou keep going back to this! Do you not love me?\u201d And the struggle remains.\r\n\r\nWe have to talk about sin, and we have to talk about repentance. I think the church hasforgotten how to repent! It\u2019s clear in the Scriptures. Five hundred years ago, you had Luther nailing his 95 Theses, and the first four were all about repentance, which screams: \u201cThis is of utmost importance!\u201d\r\n\r\nThen you\u2019ve got John Owen, who was telling the church: \u201cYou have to mortify sin. Make it your daily work. Cease not a day from it. Be killing sin, or it will be killingyou.\u201d There\u2019s no alternative; there\u2019s no neutral: \u201cYou kill sin, or it kills you.\u201d\r\n\r\nThen you\u2019ve got Jonathan Edwards, who led the Great Awakening in America. He wrote these 70 resolutions: \u201cSeventy things I will and will not do,\u201d\u2014and he read them every week as a reminder: \u201cI\u2019m going to drift. I\u2019ve got to have this anchor, this mooring, of my soul for the desires, the temptations, the lingering lovers that come back around.\u201d\r\n\r\nI was in a hotel room last night by myself before this. Porn\u2019s not really my thing, it was much more alcoholism; but it was a thing. I was away from my wife. I didn\u2019t even turn on the TV. It was Romans 13:14: \u201cClothe yourselves in the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: John, what does that look like in the church if we did talk about sin more and\r\n\r\nrepentance more? Because you\u2019re saying this is something that\u2019s so important. I feel like this, too. People are\u2014we are\u2014sitting in our pews in shame.\r\n\r\nJohn: Except we\u2019re wearing our Sunday best.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: When actually we should be exposing our Sunday worst.\r\n\r\nAnn: Right.\r\n\r\nJohn: It\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you doing!?\u201d We\u2019re like playing church\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014\u201cThis is crazy! We just fought in the parking lot,\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re nagging, and\r\n\r\nyou\u2019re addicted to porn. Our kids are rebellious; but we\u2019re going to put on nice clothes and smile and worship, even though we don\u2019t believe He\u2019s actually going to move.\u201d\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s crazy! We\u2019ve got to turn from that!\r\n\r\nEvery time I preach, I\u2019ll say, \u201cI\u2019m a recovering alcoholic.\u201d I always will, until I die. Because that\u2019s what Jesus saved me from. Everyone has a sin, not everyone has a\r\n\r\nSavior; so, we\u2019ve got to talk about sin. And we\u2019ve not given the people the path back to\r\n\r\nfreedom.\r\n\r\nLook, this is not some Christian-ese life hack that I pulled in from AA. [Laughter] This is back to the Scriptures; back to what the reformers were preaching that led to an awakening in the church and a revival. So, I say that repentance is the root of revival. We all want it; we all want revival. But God is saying, \u201cAre we going to do some heart work?\u201d He does it by the Spirit. I\u2019s not by our willpower.\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019m guessing, in Recovery, you guys are talking about that. You\u2019re showing off your scars and your pain, because Jesus is the One who has healed you, even though you still have scars. \r\n\r\nThe thing that we always say at our church is, when we\u2019re in a group and Recovery people are there, we always say, \u201cOh, great! We\u2019re so excited they\u2019re here.\u201d They\u2019re the most real, authentic people, [who] will go to the very core of issues. They are just real!\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes. \r\n\r\nDave: You talk about, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got to be honest in a church and in a small\r\n\r\ngroup,\u201d like you are at Recovery. How do we do that? How do we talk about the struggle, and the sin, and the addictions that we\u2019re struggling with in a way\r\n\r\nthat is redemptive?\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Because you can live there, and just sort of sit in the darkness, and everybody says, \u201cYes, me, too!\u201d and stay in darkness; or you can talk about it honestly, but\r\n\r\nthen be walking somewhere out.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes; and I think a lot of times, too, when we share testimonies, people glorify sin. We tell these horror stories that make everybody kind of wide-eyed and gasp. It\u2019s like, \u201cHey, sin\u2019s not the hero.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cJesus is.\u201d We make sure, when we tell our testimonies, it\u2019s 1\/3 life before Christ, 1\/3 what Jesus did, and 1\/3 what life is like after Christ, because we want to give people the picture of the before and after, and the during, the in-between.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: You don\u2019t just trust in Jesus, and everything is magically good. There\u2019s progressive sanctification. I think it starts with leadership. [It starts with] leadership in the home; it starts with leadership in the church; it starts with leadership on staff teams. It has to. I say, \u201cLeaders go first, or others may never,\u201d so we have to. \r\n\r\nYou see Paul doing this; you see it throughout the Scriptures. I mean, the Lord, who penned the Scriptures through those 40 authors, made sure to write about the failures of every leader in the book. Why? Because He knows that that\u2019s the commonality. All eight billion people walking this earth have problems. We all have sin, but we don\u2019t know the way out; so, leaders have to go first.\r\n\r\nI think what that looks like is a real, honest confession with our families and from the\r\n\r\nstage, if you\u2019re a pastor. Here\u2019s what I do when I lead the meeting every Mondaynight\u2014\u201cmeeting\u201d sounds crazy; it\u2019s like a full-blown church service. But I\u2019ll say, \u201cHey, my name\u2019s John.\u201d I say, \u201cI have a new life in Christ. I\u2019m recovering from alcoholism, fear of man, and this past week\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026this past week, what mine was, was careless words, both with my children and in ministry; and that\u2019s not okay.\u201d\r\n\r\nBut we always say, \u201cI have a new life in Christ,\u201d because in an AA meeting, you would say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m John, and I\u2019m an alcoholic.\u201d Well, I\u2019m not an alcoholic. I have a new life in ChristAnn: It\u2019s not your identity.\r\n\r\nJohn: Totally!\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: I tell people a lot: \u201cWe\u2019re not sinners who saint; we are saints who sin.\u201d When you look at the Scriptures\u2014I mean, Paul writes to the Corinthians\u2014dude, they were a rowdy bunch. [Laughter] Yet he calls them saints\u2014hagios, holy ones, set apart, holy unto God. Well, it sure didn\u2019t seem like it, but he\u2019s reminding them: \u201cWhat you do is not who you are or Whose you are. Your identity is in Jesus! And as you fix your foundation on your identity, your belief determines your behavior.\u201d\r\n\r\nIf we walk around, calling ourselves sinners all the time, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to\u2014one, I don\u2019t think it reflects Scripture; and two, I think we\u2019re going to start embodying that identity. \r\n\r\nThen, also, I say, \u201cAnd this week\u2026\u201d and I always say what I\u2019m struggling with\r\n\r\nthis week. We have a time of reflection\u2014 \u201c\u2026I was being harsh with my children.\u201d Lust or pride or passivity or careless words. That keeps me really close to my own brokenness, which keeps me really close to my Savior, which keeps me really close to being able to share with others from an authentic place. \u201cI can be known here. I can share where I actually am. I don\u2019t have to fake it. Because if he just shared that from the stage, and he\u2019s not getting walked off or fired, then maybe it\u2019s safe for me to share my sin, too.\u201d\r\n\r\nThen, you don\u2019t just share it. You give them a path for repentance, and He does!\r\n\r\nHe either sets people free or He doesn\u2019t, and it would make Him a liar if He didn\u2019t. He does, and He does it in powerful ways, and we\u2019ve just forgotten how to repent.\r\n\r\nAnn: As you shared some of that sentence when you were talking about, \u201cYour husband\u2019s been struggling with porn, and then he gets better, and then he falls,\u201d\u2014I\u2019ve talked to hundreds, probably, of couples that have struggled with this\u2014\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and wives who are giving up, thinking, \u201cThis is just who he is.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Right.\r\n\r\nAnn: And \u201cI don\u2019t have any hope that he will get better.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Maybe it\u2019s alcohol, or maybe it\u2019s some other addiction. Encourage the\r\n\r\nspouse: what does that look like? What\u2019s the best way for us to respond?\r\n\r\nJohn: One, before I forget, it has very much become a female problem, too,\u2014Ann: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014with pornography. For any of those listeners that are women, I want you to\r\n\r\nknow that you\u2019re not the only one. That\u2019s what Satan wants you to think, but you arenot.\r\n\r\nAnn: I think women are less prone to share because they feel like, \u201cThere\u2019s somethingwrong with me if this is my issue.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, it\u2019s become a guy\u2019s struggle; and it\u2019s just not the case.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cNo temptation has seized you except what is common to mankind.\u201d It\u2019s like,\r\n\r\n\u201cThis is for everyone.\u201d\r\n\r\nSo, what I would encourage anyone listening [with] is James 5:16; it\u2019s another command with a promise. He says, \u201cConfess your sins to one another, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.\u201d There\u2019s this three-fold thing: we do our part, which is to confess. Then they do their part, which is to pray. Then God does His part, which is to heal. That\u2019s an amazing equation.\r\n\r\nBut I think a lot of times, especially in recovery circles, we\u2019ll just confess saying, \u201cOh, you know, this week I was short with my wife,\u201d or \u201cI yelled at my kids,\u201d or \u201cI looked atporn.\u201d  \u201cThanks for sharing.\u201d That\u2019s a phrase. \r\n\r\nIt\u2019s like, \u201cNo! That\u2019s a terrible response; not, \u2018Thanks for sharing.\u2019\u201d It\u2019s one of two things according to Scripture\u2014this is James, not me: it\u2019s you either then, reciprocally, confess your sin; or you pray for them, and then you confess your sin\u2014because it says, \u201cConfess your sins to one another, and pray for each other.\u201d\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s this reciprocal thing. We\u2019re doing it [confessing] together to each other, then praying\r\n\r\nfor each other\u2014not condemning each other, not shaming each other, not shunning each other. It doesn\u2019t even say, \u201cRespond with biblical counsel,\u201d though I believe that happens at a time. It says your immediate response is to either confess or to pray. Then it says, \u201cGod heals.\u201d That\u2019s so amazing that we can take Him at His promise, but the way that we take Him at His promise is by doing that very thing. It\u2019s taking that orthodoxy and making it into orthopraxy.\r\n\r\nSo, at our church, every community group gathering, we say: \u201cHow have you fedyour soul? How have you fed your flesh? And how are you feeding others?\u201d It\u2019s thisthree-fold thing that\u2019s like: \u201cThis is what I\u2019m doing to feast on the Lord....Here\u2019s where I\r\n\r\nfeasted on the flesh\u2026.\u201d\u2014as a confession. And \u201cHere\u2019s where I\u2019m feeding others\u201d for discipleship.\r\n\r\nAnd then there\u2019s prayer over that person. Nobody gets out of the room! Because what\r\n\r\nhappened was, there was a problem person in the room: \u201cAh, that\u2019s Bob! He struggleswith porn. We\u2019ll just work on him!\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cWell, as far as I can tell, 1 John 1:8 says, \u2018Ifwe say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.\u2019\u201d So now, nobody\u2019s getting out of the room without confessing. \r\n\r\nThat\u2019s confession. You\u2019ve just got to bring it into the light. Things die when they\u2019re in the light.\r\n\r\nAnn: So, a spouse brings it to their spouse\u2014\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014to the other spouse.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, which would be, if a husband\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes, or a wife\u2014\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014or wife confesses to porn or whatever, I think they pray for each other. I thinkthat spouse also\u2014you know what would be really amazing? For them [other spouse]\r\n\r\nto confess their sin, too: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019ve been really controlling.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, man!\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI have struggled\u2026.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Now, it gets like, \u201cOh, yeah! This is hard.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Because Dave and I went through this. He came to me in our early years of\r\n\r\nMarriage and said, \u201cI\u2019m really struggling with this.\u201d And I exploded! \u201cAre you kidding?!\u201d And then, he would lie about it, and then I would get even more mad. So, one thing\u2014he would confess, which I made him feel so bad, so guilty. I was so wrong in my response.\r\n\r\nDave: We didn\u2019t have John to coach us, you know?\r\n\r\nAnn: I know. We needed his book. We needed to go to his program. I look at that, and I think, \u201cOh, now, I\u2019m confessing my own sin.\u201d That\u2019s big! It\u2019s so important.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes, and I would just end it here to say: one of the things I\u2019ve discovered, and I\r\n\r\nknow, John, you know this\u2014I think you see it every Monday night, if not even more\u2014is\r\n\r\nthe second you confess, the second you bring something that\u2019s hidden in the dark into\r\n\r\nthe light\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014the grip of that sin, that struggle, gets a little less.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m not saying it\u2019s over just by speaking it out, but once it\u2019s actually said out loud to a\r\n\r\nfriend, or maybe even a stranger, but somebody that you can trust, the second you speak it, you\u2019re starting, whether you know it or not, a road to healing. You may not get there, because you have to stay on that road, but if you\u2019re not willing to ever speak it, guess what? I\u2019ve said a thousand times from the pulpit: \u201cIf it\u2019s in secret, secret wins.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cIf it\u2019s in the dark, the darkness will win.\u201d The second it\u2019s in the light, you\u2019re\r\n\r\nstarting your road to recovery. Here\u2019s what I would just say: there\u2019s someone listening that you need to tell somebody today. Today\u2019s your day.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: You need to tell your spouse, a trusted friend, or somebody. Right now, you\u2019re turning off the podcast, you\u2019re turning off the radio. You\u2019re thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hear this!\u201d But this is the moment that you tell somebody. You take a step to a new life.\r\n\r\nJohn: I\u2019d say there\u2019s no healing apart from that, scripturally.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Dave, I would say, for the spouse\u2014that was really big, what you said, John\u2014that you\u2019re now confessing your own sin. I was so prideful because I thought, \u201cThis is your problem! I am fine.\u201d But what resulted was [that] I had arrogance, pride, fear. I had my own issues. If I could have confessed that, and given Dave grace, and we prayed about it together, that could have really changed things more quickly. I think we would have had recovery much sooner.\r\n\r\nDave: And I\u2019m hoping there are some conversations beginning to happen right now.\r\n\r\nAnn: Me too.\r\n\r\nJohn: Lord, let it be.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nShelby: Addictions have many faces in life. Sometimes they\u2019re obvious addictions that we see in things like alcohol or porn. Sometimes, even as Ann mentioned just a second ago, there are addictions to things like our own pride or arrogance and self-righteousness. In all that, are we willing to admit our addictions and take them to the cross where they belong knowing that Jesus has taken care of 100 percent of them?\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with John Elmore on FamilyLife Today. John has been talking with the Wilsons today about addictions. He\u2019s written a book called Freedom Starts Today: Overcoming Struggles and Addictions One Day at a Time. Often the power to do that rests in that little, tiny fact: deal with them one day at a time. \r\n\r\nThis book is a memoir in many ways of a powerful message of hope and transformation that those struggles and addictions had on John Elmore; but also his personal journey that acts as an opportunity for him to disciple you through his written word and help you overcome your struggles and addictions as well. \r\n\r\nThis book is going to be our gift to you when you partner with us today at FamilyLife. You can get your copy right now with any donation by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page.   Or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \r\n\r\nOr drop us a donation in the mail. Here\u2019s our address: FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832. Just make sure you let us know that you want a copy of John Elmore\u2019s book, Freedom Starts Today. \r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, do you ever feel like you mess up all the time? Well, you\u2019re not alone. Pastor John Elmore is back again with the Wilsons to help us understand why the struggle exists, and John is going to talk about the power to overcome each and every day. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us. \r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-280282.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-280282.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f > 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Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Caught in endless addiction loops? Follow John Elmore's path from alcoholism to leading faith-based recovery for hope: Your freedom awaits.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with John Elmore and catch more of his thoughts on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/john.elmore.338\/\">Facebook<\/a> and Instagram <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/john_a_elmore\/?hl=en\">@john_a_elmore<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab John\u2019s book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/freedom-starts-today-overcoming-struggles-and-addictions-one-day-at-a-time\/\">\"Freedom Starts Today: Overcoming Struggles and Addictions One Day at a Time\"<\/a> in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Or we'll send it at no cost to you with a <a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/april-2024\/freedom-starts-today\/\">donation of any size this week<\/a>, as our way of saying a huge \"Thank you!\" for partnering with us toward stronger families around the world.<\/li>\n<li>Intrigued by today\u2019s episode? Think deeper about Addiction by listening to \"<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/addiction-and-our-marriages-happily-even-after-bob-and-dannah-gresh\/\">Addiction\u2013and Our Marriage\u2019s Happily Ever After<\/a>\".<\/li>\n<li>Want to hear more episodes by John Elmore, listen <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/john-elmore\/\">here<\/a>!\u00a0<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/familylife-today-2\/?cru_source=24EGPC&cru_medium=podcast&cru_campaign=FLToday\">Donate to FamilyLife Today!<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-04-25.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nHey, I'm Struggling\r\n\r\nGuest:John Elmore\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Freedom Starts Today (Day 2 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:April 25, 2024\r\n\r\nJohn: One day in Dallas, I ran into my \u201cex\u201d three times. The \u201cex\u201d that I was running intowas Jack Daniels\u00ae on a billboard. It\u2019s because, specifically, they have created this rye whiskey. I [was] looking at it, and I [was thinking], \u201cAh, man! I quit drinking too soon. I never got to have that!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Wow.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI wonder what that\u2019s like.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014Today!\r\n\r\nDave: My dad had a drinking problem for over 60 years of his life. He finally got free in an interesting way. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, your dad got remarried and I happened to, when we got engaged, I went down to visit your dad and his wife of maybe ten years, your stepmom. I remember asking her, \u201cTell me about you and Dave.\" (Dave was named after his dad.) \u201cTell me about your life with him.\u201d\r\n\r\nShe said, \u201cWell, I had no idea he was an alcoholic when we got married.\u201d She said, \u201cI thought, \u2018I have got to come up with a strategy.\u2019 I thought to myself\u2014\u201d \u2014and she didn\u2019t have faith, but she was pretty intuitive\u2014she said, \u201cI thought to myself, \u2018What does he love the most in life?\u2019 The thing he loves the most in life is money.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: He loved his stuff.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, he did. So, he would blackout, and she would go around the house and destroy it. She\u2019d break mirrors, windows,\u2014Dave: \u2014lamps\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014furniture; everything. Then the next day, when he would come to, he would be aghast saying, \u201cWhat happened to the house?\u201d \r\n\r\nShe said, \u201cThis is what you did last night.\u201d [Laughter] \r\n\r\nJohn: Oh, my goodness! \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cAnd it\u2019s happening every night.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: That\u2019s amazing!\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cEvery night. there\u2019s more and more.\u201d He said, \u201cI can\u2019t afford to drink anymore. I\u2019m destroying everything in my life!\u201d So, he got sober. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: Of course, that doesn\u2019t work with everybody\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014no!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014but it worked with my dad. It was a switch that flipped, and he became a different man the last ten years of his life (or fifteen years). \r\n\r\nAnn: I think, Dave, the thing that really changed him was he came to faith in Jesus. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes. \r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s what ended up really transforming him. \r\n\r\nDave: It was a pretty amazing transformation. \r\n\r\nToday, we get to talk about all kinds of struggles that people deal with\u2014alcohol; it could be drugs; it could be pornography or anger or food.\r\n\r\nAnn: Addiction.\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019ve got John Elmore back with us. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today, John.\r\n\r\nJohn: Thanks, Dave and Ann. It\u2019s a joy to be here.\r\n\r\nDave: We\u2019ve already heard your story this week on FamilyLife Today, coming from your\r\n\r\nbook, Freedom Starts Today: Overcoming Struggles and Addictions One Day at a Time. Again, I introduced you this week as the Director of Pastoral Care at Watermark Church in Dallas. But what\u2019s fascinating is, obviously, your story put you in this seat to lead a recovery ministry of over 1,200 people a week. I\u2019ve never heard of a church having that kind of attendance.\r\n\r\nAnn: John, what do you do? Tell us about that.\r\n\r\nJohn: It\u2019s a total work of God. I think we can forget that sometimes because it\u2019s become kind of normal. But every Monday\u2014we call it the spiritual emergency room of\r\n\r\nthe DFW Metroplex\u2014[we] have over 1,000 people every Monday; and half of\r\n\r\nthem have zero affiliation with our church. Tey\u2019re just wandering in because of theirpain. They get loved and discipled. They\u2019re told in very honest terms, because everyone has sin, not everyone has a Savior\u2014so, we\u2019re very clear and very honest.\r\n\r\nWe would never call it this, because no one would come, [but] it\u2019s year-\r\n\r\nlong discipleship. The front of the sign says \u201cRecovery.\u201d They come in for their problems. The back of the sign, after they leave one year later, says \u201cDiscipleship.\u201d\r\n\r\nThey\u2019ve been led, and loved, and shepherded in Jesus Christ. \r\n\r\nThere\u2019s large-group teaching, worship, and testimonies every Monday night; and then, you break up into gender-specific groups, male and female. You\u2019re in a small group, then, for a year. It\u2019s every struggle under the sun. I mean, we\u2019ve got witches, prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, drug addicts, prideful CEOs, homeless; and Jesus sets them all free when they\u2019re ready. It\u2019s a beautiful thing.\r\n\r\nDave: Let\u2019s talk about how He sets them free, because that\u2019s\u2014your book\u2019s actually a devotional; a 90-day devo that you can read and let God use it to leadyou to freedom.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: You\u2019ve already told us your story, which, talk about being real and honest! If the listener missed it, you\u2019ve got to go back and listen\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes!\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014because it was a powerful day.\r\n\r\nAnn: We were all crying in the studio that day, like crying hard!\r\n\r\nDave: In some ways, because I didn\u2019t know you then, it\u2019s almost hard to believe. You look at you now, and you talk about redemption and new life in Christ and a new creature. The old is gone! I\u2019m looking at a new creature based on what you shared; a guy ready to end his life because he was addicted to alcohol is set free.\r\n\r\nBut it wasn\u2019t like instantaneous; right? It was, \u201cset free,\u201d and some people walk away and they never\u2014and yet, you even shared, in the book, how you\u2019re driving around, and you have flings with your \u201cex.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about that a little bit, because when you read that, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s he talking about?\u201d But it\u2019s different than you think.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, I think that end dream might be called \u201clingering lovers.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: One day in Dallas, I ran into my \u201cex\u201d three times. I mean, Dallas is a big city,\r\n\r\nright?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: It\u2019s one of the nation\u2019s top-ten largest cities, so to run into someone by\r\n\r\nhappenstance three times, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhat is going on here?! I\u2019ve got to find newroutes to work or something, because this is crazy!\u201d\r\n\r\nThe \u201cex\u201d that I was running into was Jack Daniels on a billboard. Specifically\u2014I mean, I\r\n\r\nstill can see it in my mind\u2019s eye and remember it\u2014it\u2019s because they have created this rye whiskey. They didn\u2019t have it then; they just had Jack Daniels whiskey, \u201cGentleman Jack.\u201d \r\n\r\nI know too much about alcohol as a recovering alcoholic. That came out when I was in college. They didn\u2019t have rye, so I was looking at it, and I was saying, \u201cAh, man! I quit drinking too soon. I never got to have that!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Wow.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI wonder what that\u2019s like.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Wow!\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI\u2019d probably have that neat; maybe a highball glass, a couple cubes of ice.\u201d I\r\n\r\nmean, I\u2019m there. I\u2019m already thinking about my \u201cex\u201d\u2014three times, three billboards, in three different locations.\r\n\r\nSatan doesn\u2019t take vacation. He knows; he remembers. I\u2019ve heard way too many stories about people who had ten years, fifteen years, twenty-five years of sobriety from alcohol, porn, eating disorder, whatever, and then they fall. When they fall, they fall hard.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: Relapse is an ugly thing! It\u2019s not ugly that it shouldn\u2019t be talked about. But when it\r\n\r\nhappens, we usually go pretty big once we cave. \r\n\r\nTo that end, I think this book is helpful in that way. It\u2019s what I said before: I thought Jesus just saved us eternally. He wants us\u2014invites us\u2014to walk with Him daily, and as we do, He promises\u2014it\u2019s His promise\u2014I mean, that\u2019s crazy\u2014God gives a promise. He says, \u201cYou will not do what you don\u2019t want to do. You won\u2019t gratify the desires of the flesh if you walk with Me.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cThat\u2019s all you\u2019ve got to do is walk with Me! Don\u2019t try to follow My laws. My laws\r\n\r\njust show you when you\u2019re in or out of bounds.\u201d It\u2019s like a chalk line on a football field. It can\u2019t keep you in! It just shows you when you\u2019re out. The power is in the sanctification of the Spirit\u2014so walk by the Spirit\u2014this is a daily walk with God.\r\n\r\nDave: Again, you\u2019re referencing Galatians 5: \u201cWalk by the Spirit, and you will not indulge the desires of the flesh.\u201d [Galatians 5:16, paraphrased] I think a lot of us read that or hear that and think the opposite. It\u2019s like, \u201cIf I can stop the indulgence of the flesh, then I can walk with God.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, wow.\r\n\r\nDave: It\u2019s like we try to stop what we don\u2019t want to do, and then we can walk with God. And it\u2019s the opposite, right?\r\n\r\nJohn: That\u2019s the letter to the Galatians! That\u2019s why Paul gave the strongest language that he wrote in the New Testament, of all of his letters, to the Galatians. It\r\n\r\nwas because of this: they trusted in Jesus for salvation, and then they said, \u201cBut we\u2019re\r\n\r\nnot going to trust Him for our sanctification.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cWe\u2019ll trust Him for forgiveness of sins and freedom from hell. But now, we\u2019re\r\n\r\ngoing to follow all the rules of the Old Testament, because they\u2019re good, right, and\r\n\r\nholy so we\u2019re going to follow them.\u201d\r\n\r\nHe says, \u201cWho has bewitched you, you foolish Galatians?\u201d [Galatians 3:1, paraphrased] He goes strong, and it was because they\u2019d become rule-followers\u2014what you just said\u2014thinking, \u201cAlright, we\u2019ll stop doing what we don\u2019t want to do so that we can be right with God.\u201d\r\n\r\nHe\u2019s saying, \u201cIf anyone, let them be eternally accursed if they share a gospel other than this!\u201d [Galatians 1:8, paraphrased]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014 [a gospel] of works.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about a strong word! And I also think, and I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m right, I think a\r\n\r\nlot of people have tried that form of Christianity.\r\n\r\nJohn: Oh, we\u2019re all Galatians!\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, absolutely!\r\n\r\nJohn: We\u2019re all Galatians in our hearts.\r\n\r\nDave: And it doesn\u2019t work, so they walk away.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: [They think], \u201cI tried it. Dude, that Christianity thing didn\u2019t work for me.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cI know good people can do that. I couldn\u2019t do it, so I\u2019m out!\u201d And they never\r\n\r\nunderstood: \u201cNo, no, no! It\u2019s surrender to the Spirit of God; He\u2019ll give you power.\u201d\r\n\r\nHere\u2019s another thing\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right about this; it doesn\u2019t say: \u201cWhen you walk by the Spirit, you won\u2019t have desire\u2026\u201d It says, \u201cYou won\u2019t indulge that desire.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: So, when you see the Jack Daniels billboard it isn\u2019t like, \u201cOh, I have no desire.\u201d  It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, no. The desire\u2019s there, but I have a power now to not do it.\u201d \r\n\r\nHow did you get through that day?\r\n\r\nJohn: Martin Luther said, \u201cYou can\u2019t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest.\u201d They\u2019re going to fly; the temptation is going to come.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: But you don\u2019t invite that in and build a home for it. I think that temptation is always going to exist. I think, in the church, we have stopped talking about sin. Or we\u2019ll talk about it in a theological sense, but not in like, \u201cHey, this is what you\u2019re dealing with sins.\u201d \r\n\r\nWe stop talking about sin once we come to Jesus. That\u2019s crazy! So, you\u2019ve got a bunch of people sitting in the rows and pews, suffering in silence\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014with their sin, because, \u201cOnce you trust in Jesus, you\u2019re not supposed to\r\n\r\nstruggle anymore.\u201d People do [struggle]! The reality is: no, I have wept with God when\u2014I\u2019m speaking hypothetically, like someone\u2019s wife catches them in pornography;they\u2019re pleading with God to take it away. God\u2019s all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present,\r\n\r\nand yet, He hasn\u2019t; He doesn\u2019t. \r\n\r\nWhat do you do with that? If you\u2019re saying, \u201cDear wife, sorry. I asked God to take it away, but He hasn\u2019t.\u201d She\u2019s thinking, \u201cYou keep going back to this! Do you not love me?\u201d And the struggle remains.\r\n\r\nWe have to talk about sin, and we have to talk about repentance. I think the church hasforgotten how to repent! It\u2019s clear in the Scriptures. Five hundred years ago, you had Luther nailing his 95 Theses, and the first four were all about repentance, which screams: \u201cThis is of utmost importance!\u201d\r\n\r\nThen you\u2019ve got John Owen, who was telling the church: \u201cYou have to mortify sin. Make it your daily work. Cease not a day from it. Be killing sin, or it will be killingyou.\u201d There\u2019s no alternative; there\u2019s no neutral: \u201cYou kill sin, or it kills you.\u201d\r\n\r\nThen you\u2019ve got Jonathan Edwards, who led the Great Awakening in America. He wrote these 70 resolutions: \u201cSeventy things I will and will not do,\u201d\u2014and he read them every week as a reminder: \u201cI\u2019m going to drift. I\u2019ve got to have this anchor, this mooring, of my soul for the desires, the temptations, the lingering lovers that come back around.\u201d\r\n\r\nI was in a hotel room last night by myself before this. Porn\u2019s not really my thing, it was much more alcoholism; but it was a thing. I was away from my wife. I didn\u2019t even turn on the TV. It was Romans 13:14: \u201cClothe yourselves in the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: John, what does that look like in the church if we did talk about sin more and\r\n\r\nrepentance more? Because you\u2019re saying this is something that\u2019s so important. I feel like this, too. People are\u2014we are\u2014sitting in our pews in shame.\r\n\r\nJohn: Except we\u2019re wearing our Sunday best.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: When actually we should be exposing our Sunday worst.\r\n\r\nAnn: Right.\r\n\r\nJohn: It\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you doing!?\u201d We\u2019re like playing church\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014\u201cThis is crazy! We just fought in the parking lot,\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re nagging, and\r\n\r\nyou\u2019re addicted to porn. Our kids are rebellious; but we\u2019re going to put on nice clothes and smile and worship, even though we don\u2019t believe He\u2019s actually going to move.\u201d\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s crazy! We\u2019ve got to turn from that!\r\n\r\nEvery time I preach, I\u2019ll say, \u201cI\u2019m a recovering alcoholic.\u201d I always will, until I die. Because that\u2019s what Jesus saved me from. Everyone has a sin, not everyone has a\r\n\r\nSavior; so, we\u2019ve got to talk about sin. And we\u2019ve not given the people the path back to\r\n\r\nfreedom.\r\n\r\nLook, this is not some Christian-ese life hack that I pulled in from AA. [Laughter] This is back to the Scriptures; back to what the reformers were preaching that led to an awakening in the church and a revival. So, I say that repentance is the root of revival. We all want it; we all want revival. But God is saying, \u201cAre we going to do some heart work?\u201d He does it by the Spirit. I\u2019s not by our willpower.\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019m guessing, in Recovery, you guys are talking about that. You\u2019re showing off your scars and your pain, because Jesus is the One who has healed you, even though you still have scars. \r\n\r\nThe thing that we always say at our church is, when we\u2019re in a group and Recovery people are there, we always say, \u201cOh, great! We\u2019re so excited they\u2019re here.\u201d They\u2019re the most real, authentic people, [who] will go to the very core of issues. They are just real!\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes. \r\n\r\nDave: You talk about, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ve got to be honest in a church and in a small\r\n\r\ngroup,\u201d like you are at Recovery. How do we do that? How do we talk about the struggle, and the sin, and the addictions that we\u2019re struggling with in a way\r\n\r\nthat is redemptive?\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Because you can live there, and just sort of sit in the darkness, and everybody says, \u201cYes, me, too!\u201d and stay in darkness; or you can talk about it honestly, but\r\n\r\nthen be walking somewhere out.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes; and I think a lot of times, too, when we share testimonies, people glorify sin. We tell these horror stories that make everybody kind of wide-eyed and gasp. It\u2019s like, \u201cHey, sin\u2019s not the hero.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cJesus is.\u201d We make sure, when we tell our testimonies, it\u2019s 1\/3 life before Christ, 1\/3 what Jesus did, and 1\/3 what life is like after Christ, because we want to give people the picture of the before and after, and the during, the in-between.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: You don\u2019t just trust in Jesus, and everything is magically good. There\u2019s progressive sanctification. I think it starts with leadership. [It starts with] leadership in the home; it starts with leadership in the church; it starts with leadership on staff teams. It has to. I say, \u201cLeaders go first, or others may never,\u201d so we have to. \r\n\r\nYou see Paul doing this; you see it throughout the Scriptures. I mean, the Lord, who penned the Scriptures through those 40 authors, made sure to write about the failures of every leader in the book. Why? Because He knows that that\u2019s the commonality. All eight billion people walking this earth have problems. We all have sin, but we don\u2019t know the way out; so, leaders have to go first.\r\n\r\nI think what that looks like is a real, honest confession with our families and from the\r\n\r\nstage, if you\u2019re a pastor. Here\u2019s what I do when I lead the meeting every Mondaynight\u2014\u201cmeeting\u201d sounds crazy; it\u2019s like a full-blown church service. But I\u2019ll say, \u201cHey, my name\u2019s John.\u201d I say, \u201cI have a new life in Christ. I\u2019m recovering from alcoholism, fear of man, and this past week\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026this past week, what mine was, was careless words, both with my children and in ministry; and that\u2019s not okay.\u201d\r\n\r\nBut we always say, \u201cI have a new life in Christ,\u201d because in an AA meeting, you would say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m John, and I\u2019m an alcoholic.\u201d Well, I\u2019m not an alcoholic. I have a new life in ChristAnn: It\u2019s not your identity.\r\n\r\nJohn: Totally!\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: I tell people a lot: \u201cWe\u2019re not sinners who saint; we are saints who sin.\u201d When you look at the Scriptures\u2014I mean, Paul writes to the Corinthians\u2014dude, they were a rowdy bunch. [Laughter] Yet he calls them saints\u2014hagios, holy ones, set apart, holy unto God. Well, it sure didn\u2019t seem like it, but he\u2019s reminding them: \u201cWhat you do is not who you are or Whose you are. Your identity is in Jesus! And as you fix your foundation on your identity, your belief determines your behavior.\u201d\r\n\r\nIf we walk around, calling ourselves sinners all the time, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to\u2014one, I don\u2019t think it reflects Scripture; and two, I think we\u2019re going to start embodying that identity. \r\n\r\nThen, also, I say, \u201cAnd this week\u2026\u201d and I always say what I\u2019m struggling with\r\n\r\nthis week. We have a time of reflection\u2014 \u201c\u2026I was being harsh with my children.\u201d Lust or pride or passivity or careless words. That keeps me really close to my own brokenness, which keeps me really close to my Savior, which keeps me really close to being able to share with others from an authentic place. \u201cI can be known here. I can share where I actually am. I don\u2019t have to fake it. Because if he just shared that from the stage, and he\u2019s not getting walked off or fired, then maybe it\u2019s safe for me to share my sin, too.\u201d\r\n\r\nThen, you don\u2019t just share it. You give them a path for repentance, and He does!\r\n\r\nHe either sets people free or He doesn\u2019t, and it would make Him a liar if He didn\u2019t. He does, and He does it in powerful ways, and we\u2019ve just forgotten how to repent.\r\n\r\nAnn: As you shared some of that sentence when you were talking about, \u201cYour husband\u2019s been struggling with porn, and then he gets better, and then he falls,\u201d\u2014I\u2019ve talked to hundreds, probably, of couples that have struggled with this\u2014\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and wives who are giving up, thinking, \u201cThis is just who he is.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Right.\r\n\r\nAnn: And \u201cI don\u2019t have any hope that he will get better.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Maybe it\u2019s alcohol, or maybe it\u2019s some other addiction. Encourage the\r\n\r\nspouse: what does that look like? What\u2019s the best way for us to respond?\r\n\r\nJohn: One, before I forget, it has very much become a female problem, too,\u2014Ann: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014with pornography. For any of those listeners that are women, I want you to\r\n\r\nknow that you\u2019re not the only one. That\u2019s what Satan wants you to think, but you arenot.\r\n\r\nAnn: I think women are less prone to share because they feel like, \u201cThere\u2019s somethingwrong with me if this is my issue.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, it\u2019s become a guy\u2019s struggle; and it\u2019s just not the case.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cNo temptation has seized you except what is common to mankind.\u201d It\u2019s like,\r\n\r\n\u201cThis is for everyone.\u201d\r\n\r\nSo, what I would encourage anyone listening [with] is James 5:16; it\u2019s another command with a promise. He says, \u201cConfess your sins to one another, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.\u201d There\u2019s this three-fold thing: we do our part, which is to confess. Then they do their part, which is to pray. Then God does His part, which is to heal. That\u2019s an amazing equation.\r\n\r\nBut I think a lot of times, especially in recovery circles, we\u2019ll just confess saying, \u201cOh, you know, this week I was short with my wife,\u201d or \u201cI yelled at my kids,\u201d or \u201cI looked atporn.\u201d  \u201cThanks for sharing.\u201d That\u2019s a phrase. \r\n\r\nIt\u2019s like, \u201cNo! That\u2019s a terrible response; not, \u2018Thanks for sharing.\u2019\u201d It\u2019s one of two things according to Scripture\u2014this is James, not me: it\u2019s you either then, reciprocally, confess your sin; or you pray for them, and then you confess your sin\u2014because it says, \u201cConfess your sins to one another, and pray for each other.\u201d\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s this reciprocal thing. We\u2019re doing it [confessing] together to each other, then praying\r\n\r\nfor each other\u2014not condemning each other, not shaming each other, not shunning each other. It doesn\u2019t even say, \u201cRespond with biblical counsel,\u201d though I believe that happens at a time. It says your immediate response is to either confess or to pray. Then it says, \u201cGod heals.\u201d That\u2019s so amazing that we can take Him at His promise, but the way that we take Him at His promise is by doing that very thing. It\u2019s taking that orthodoxy and making it into orthopraxy.\r\n\r\nSo, at our church, every community group gathering, we say: \u201cHow have you fedyour soul? How have you fed your flesh? And how are you feeding others?\u201d It\u2019s thisthree-fold thing that\u2019s like: \u201cThis is what I\u2019m doing to feast on the Lord....Here\u2019s where I\r\n\r\nfeasted on the flesh\u2026.\u201d\u2014as a confession. And \u201cHere\u2019s where I\u2019m feeding others\u201d for discipleship.\r\n\r\nAnd then there\u2019s prayer over that person. Nobody gets out of the room! Because what\r\n\r\nhappened was, there was a problem person in the room: \u201cAh, that\u2019s Bob! He struggleswith porn. We\u2019ll just work on him!\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cWell, as far as I can tell, 1 John 1:8 says, \u2018Ifwe say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.\u2019\u201d So now, nobody\u2019s getting out of the room without confessing. \r\n\r\nThat\u2019s confession. You\u2019ve just got to bring it into the light. Things die when they\u2019re in the light.\r\n\r\nAnn: So, a spouse brings it to their spouse\u2014\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014to the other spouse.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes, which would be, if a husband\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes, or a wife\u2014\r\n\r\nJohn: \u2014or wife confesses to porn or whatever, I think they pray for each other. I thinkthat spouse also\u2014you know what would be really amazing? For them [other spouse]\r\n\r\nto confess their sin, too: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019ve been really controlling.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, man!\r\n\r\nJohn: \u201cI have struggled\u2026.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Now, it gets like, \u201cOh, yeah! This is hard.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Because Dave and I went through this. He came to me in our early years of\r\n\r\nMarriage and said, \u201cI\u2019m really struggling with this.\u201d And I exploded! \u201cAre you kidding?!\u201d And then, he would lie about it, and then I would get even more mad. So, one thing\u2014he would confess, which I made him feel so bad, so guilty. I was so wrong in my response.\r\n\r\nDave: We didn\u2019t have John to coach us, you know?\r\n\r\nAnn: I know. We needed his book. We needed to go to his program. I look at that, and I think, \u201cOh, now, I\u2019m confessing my own sin.\u201d That\u2019s big! It\u2019s so important.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes, and I would just end it here to say: one of the things I\u2019ve discovered, and I\r\n\r\nknow, John, you know this\u2014I think you see it every Monday night, if not even more\u2014is\r\n\r\nthe second you confess, the second you bring something that\u2019s hidden in the dark into\r\n\r\nthe light\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014the grip of that sin, that struggle, gets a little less.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m not saying it\u2019s over just by speaking it out, but once it\u2019s actually said out loud to a\r\n\r\nfriend, or maybe even a stranger, but somebody that you can trust, the second you speak it, you\u2019re starting, whether you know it or not, a road to healing. You may not get there, because you have to stay on that road, but if you\u2019re not willing to ever speak it, guess what? I\u2019ve said a thousand times from the pulpit: \u201cIf it\u2019s in secret, secret wins.\u201d\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cIf it\u2019s in the dark, the darkness will win.\u201d The second it\u2019s in the light, you\u2019re\r\n\r\nstarting your road to recovery. Here\u2019s what I would just say: there\u2019s someone listening that you need to tell somebody today. Today\u2019s your day.\r\n\r\nJohn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: You need to tell your spouse, a trusted friend, or somebody. Right now, you\u2019re turning off the podcast, you\u2019re turning off the radio. You\u2019re thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hear this!\u201d But this is the moment that you tell somebody. You take a step to a new life.\r\n\r\nJohn: I\u2019d say there\u2019s no healing apart from that, scripturally.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Dave, I would say, for the spouse\u2014that was really big, what you said, John\u2014that you\u2019re now confessing your own sin. I was so prideful because I thought, \u201cThis is your problem! I am fine.\u201d But what resulted was [that] I had arrogance, pride, fear. I had my own issues. If I could have confessed that, and given Dave grace, and we prayed about it together, that could have really changed things more quickly. I think we would have had recovery much sooner.\r\n\r\nDave: And I\u2019m hoping there are some conversations beginning to happen right now.\r\n\r\nAnn: Me too.\r\n\r\nJohn: Lord, let it be.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nShelby: Addictions have many faces in life. Sometimes they\u2019re obvious addictions that we see in things like alcohol or porn. Sometimes, even as Ann mentioned just a second ago, there are addictions to things like our own pride or arrogance and self-righteousness. In all that, are we willing to admit our addictions and take them to the cross where they belong knowing that Jesus has taken care of 100 percent of them?\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with John Elmore on FamilyLife Today. John has been talking with the Wilsons today about addictions. He\u2019s written a book called Freedom Starts Today: Overcoming Struggles and Addictions One Day at a Time. Often the power to do that rests in that little, tiny fact: deal with them one day at a time. \r\n\r\nThis book is a memoir in many ways of a powerful message of hope and transformation that those struggles and addictions had on John Elmore; but also his personal journey that acts as an opportunity for him to disciple you through his written word and help you overcome your struggles and addictions as well. \r\n\r\nThis book is going to be our gift to you when you partner with us today at FamilyLife. You can get your copy right now with any donation by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page.   Or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \r\n\r\nOr drop us a donation in the mail. Here\u2019s our address: FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832. Just make sure you let us know that you want a copy of John Elmore\u2019s book, Freedom Starts Today. \r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, do you ever feel like you mess up all the time? Well, you\u2019re not alone. Pastor John Elmore is back again with the Wilsons to help us understand why the struggle exists, and John is going to talk about the power to overcome each and every day. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us. \r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  Copyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280282"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280282"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280282"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280282"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}