{"id":280276,"date":"2024-05-03T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-05-03T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty\/"},"modified":"2024-11-19T04:15:13","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T09:15:13","slug":"lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty\/","title":{"rendered":"Lost: How Grief Brought Me Closer to God: Sara Hagerty"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When you&#8217;re stuck in the middle of a tough time, dealing with heartache and pain, it can feel like there&#8217;s no way out: No matter what you try, that heavy cloud of grief still follows you. Author Sara Hagerty sits with you in your pain as she talks about how to work through the pain, face it head-on, and find a path through the grief, denial, and all those other messy emotions.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you&#8217;re stuck with heartache in tough times, you might feel there&#8217;s no escape. Sara Hagerty guides through grief, denial, and messy emotions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/9c45c272-6920-464a-bda6-b15c0104b100\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:55","filesize":"27.43M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-05-03 09:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2127],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3331],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-280276","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-sara-hagerty","cwp_profile-sara-hagerty","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/280276\/lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/280276\/lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"8YxTGURj0Y\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty\/\">Lost: How Grief Brought Me Closer to God: Sara Hagerty<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lost-how-grief-brought-me-closer-to-god-sara-hagerty\/embed\/#?secret=8YxTGURj0Y\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Lost: How Grief Brought Me Closer to God: Sara Hagerty&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"8YxTGURj0Y\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When you're stuck with heartache in tough times, you might feel there's no escape. Sara Hagerty guides through grief, denial, and messy emotions.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with Sara Hagerty and catch more of her thoughts at <a href=\"http:\/\/sarahagerty.net\/\">sarahagerty.net<\/a>, and on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sarahagertywrites\">Facebook<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/sarahagertywrites\/\">Instagram<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/SaraHagerty\">Twitter<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab Sara\u2019s book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-gift-of-limitations-finding-beauty-in-your-boundaries\"><em>The Gift of Limitation: Finding Beauty in the Boundaries<\/em><\/a>\u00a0in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Intrigued by today\u2019s episode? Think deeper about Grief by listening to \"<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-blended-minute\/stages-of-grief\/\">Stages of Grief<\/a>\".<\/li>\n<li>Want to hear more episodes by Sara Hagerty, listen <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/Sara-Hagerty\/\">here<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/may-2024\/?cru_source=D0002405RB&cru_medium=RadioBanner&cru_premium=PRE21802&cru_campaign=May2024&utm_source=web&utm_medium=radiobanner&utm_campaign=may2024\">Meet your match!<\/a> Every donation made through May will be matched dollar for dollar, up to $300,000. As a token of our gratitude for partnering with us to support stronger families worldwide, we'll send you Neighborhoods Reimagined by Chris and Elizabeth McKinney. Donate today and double your impact!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-05-03.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nLost: How Grief Brought Me Closer to God\r\n\r\nGuest:Sara Hagerty\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Finding Beauty in the Boundaries (Day 2 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:May 3, 2024\r\n\r\nAnn: Do you think you\u2019re good at grieving?\r\n\r\nDave: Can we talk about something else? [Laughter] Are you serious?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes. I\u2019m just curious. I was thinking [of it] as we\u2019re going to be talking about this a little bit today.\r\n\r\nDave: I feel like you already know the answer, or you wouldn\u2019t have asked me. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: Instead of grieving, what do you think you do?\r\n\r\nDave: I deny, and withdraw, and avoid.\r\n\r\nAnn: I don\u2019t think I\u2019m very good at it either. I think I just move; I keep moving and doing instead of sitting. I don\u2019t think we know how to grieve sometimes.\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDave: I think that\u2019s a great question because \u201cHow do you grieve well?\u201d I think grieving, when I hear the word, it\u2019s like, \u201cLet\u2019s do it; let\u2019s do it quickly; and let\u2019s get back to life.\u201d \r\n\r\nSara: Serve the purpose.\r\n\r\nDave: I don\u2019t want to live there.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: And that\u2019s terrible! That is not grieving, +and that\u2019s not healthy.\r\n\r\nSara: But that\u2019s how most of us live, myself included.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes. We\u2019re talking with Sara Hagerty today. Welcome to FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nSara: Thank you!\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m so glad that you\u2019re with us. We\u2019re going to talk about this as we\u2019ve been talking about your book a little bit. You hit grieving in your book, The Gift of Limitations: Finding Beauty in Your Boundaries. \r\n\r\nSara: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: That part\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014Iwas going to say, I don\u2019t like the \u201cgift.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: How do we find beauty in our boundaries? We\u2019re all breaking and pushing against the boundaries. Do you grieve well, Sara?\r\n\r\nSara: I don\u2019t, by nature, but I feel like I\u2019m learning; I\u2019m learning. Because I think, when we start to see the power that grief has for us as believers\u2014to grow us; to give us a greater connection to God; and that it doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019re going to stay there forever\u2014it becomes a little bit easier to do it. \r\n\r\nI think my mind is getting there [more quickly] than my body and my life. But my mind\u2014 I\u2019m beginning to see [that] the Bible is full of people who grieved with God. There are Psalms where you see, at the beginning, deep grief\u2014like Psalm 22\u2014and then, you watch a transition into really understanding an aspect of God\u2019s nature and His character. I start to think, \u201cI think there\u2019s a purpose in it.\u201d The more my mind can get around that, the more I start to think, \u201cYes, maybe running away from my grief isn\u2019t the best thing right now.\u201d\r\n\r\nI think we all have this question: \u201cIf I grieve this moment, am I going to stay here forever? If I open the door to grief, what if I\u2019m just Eeyore forever?\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, exactly! I think people are like, \u201cWhen they say, \u2018Grieve well\u2019\u2014it\u2019s important you grieve\u2014\"\r\n\r\nSara: \u201c\u2014What does that mean?\u201d Right!\r\n\r\nAnn: Exactly. \u201cWhat does it mean?\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: There\u2019s the real\u2014for those of us who lost someone (my dad died when I was young; younger), and that felt tangible\u2014like I knew, when I missed him, grief was coming on, and you can\u2019t really avoid that. I think a lot of us have the bigger things in our life, where grief becomes familiar. \r\n\r\nWhat we don\u2019t really have a grid for is: \u201cCan I grieve that I have a lot of responsibilities and a lot of needs in my home, and I can\u2019t meet them all?\u201d That feels like throwing a tantrum. I don\u2019t really want to grieve, but could there be a middle ground, where I\u2019m actually maybe not throwing a tantrum; but instead of snapping at my kids because they\u2019re not making my life any easier, could I actually take three minutes alone in my room, with a cup of coffee or tea, and say, \u201cThis is really hard, God?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: I like that because, as a mom, when our kids were little, I\u2019d say, \u201cStop being a whiner,\u201d to myself, not to my kids. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nSara: Yes!\r\n\r\nAnn: My kids were whining, but I\u2019m saying it to myself, \u201cStop being a whiner.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: You might have said it to our kids, too. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, of course, I said it to my kids; but I\u2019m saying, I also said it to myself as a self-motivation.\r\n\r\nSara: Yes, \u201cSlap some water on your face and keep going!\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Exactly! But to go into the closet, and just to be sad; and to grieve the moment, and maybe even the stage that you\u2019re in, I feel guilty about that; because \u201cshouldn\u2019t I feel thankful?\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: Right. I think I do the same thing. I think we, as believers, get stuck. We know what the end should be: \u201cI need to be grateful and to see God move, and His hand in my life; I need to be present with my kids,\u201d but how many times do I skip steps? Here I am, snapping at my husband three days in a row. He\u2019s thinking, \u201cWhat in the world?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cWho are you?\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: \u201cWho are you?\u201d But if I give myself a little bit of time, snapping actually becomes tears, and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI feel totally overwhelmed with my life, and you are the only person who sees it and knows it this closely, so I need you to be perfect right now.\u201d Right? [Laughter] \r\n\r\nAnn: But you go into the closet to grieve. Can you take us there again? What are you saying?\r\n\r\nSara: I go in the closet, or go to some place where your kids aren\u2019t\u2014which, for me, is the laundry room, or if I could hide in the dishwasher, right? Nobody wants to go there. [Laughter] I go to some place where nobody is. I give myself permission to feel before God, and I say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m acting mad, but underneath the mad is really sad. This is hard. And I have hard responsibilities in my life that I am not fulfilling.\u201d If I can sit there long enough\u2014honestly, I can sometimes get to: \u201cI feel like I\u2019m actually really failing. I feel like You\u2019ve given me these children to steward, and I feel like I\u2019m an utter failure.\u201d\r\n\r\nIn the moment, I\u2019m feeling like an utter failure because my mud room has mud in it. [Laughter] But if I can step away, I\u2019m feeling like I\u2019m failing the stewardship that God has asked of me. That\u2014naming it before God and sitting with it\u2014is a picture of minute grief, right?\r\n\r\nAnn: Our friend, Jamie Winship, talks about confession. He was a cop in DC. He says confession: \u201cWhen we have somebody on the stand; when we say, \u2018Make your confession,\u2019 they don\u2019t say, \u2018I\u2019m sorry.\u2019 They tell you, \u2018This is what I did; this is the truth.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cConfession is telling God the truth of where you are, of what you\u2019re feeling, of what you\u2019re going through.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: That is so good.\r\n\r\nAnn: That changed the way that I looked at it, in terms of that closet experience; I\u2019m starting to do that all the time. I can be in a meeting and feel like a failure: \u201cLord, I\u2019m telling You, this is my confession: I feel like a failure.\u201d You know?\r\n\r\nSara: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m digging through that, and I\u2019m talking to Him about it. I think that\u2019s really healthy.\r\n\r\nSara: Yes, and that is grief in some ways. When we feel like a failure, there\u2019s a deep sadness in our hearts, like, \u201cI\u2019m not hitting it.\u201d To be able to take minutes\u2014and I\u2019m not talking hours, or days, or weeks, though sometimes, it can stretch into longer\u2014to say, \u201cI\u2019m going to give myself permission to be sad.\u201d It releases some of the mad, right?\r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDave: Do you think it\u2019s easier for women to do this? I\u2019m just sitting here\u2014[Laughter]\r\n\r\nSara: In my marriage, it is for sure. But one of the things I have noticed as I have given myself more permission to grieve is, it\u2019s interesting how it has also given my husband more permission.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, that\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nSara: Maybe because it\u2019s also giving me a greater tolerance for his pain. I don\u2019t know; I feel, as a woman, I love his strength, and so, when he\u2019s weak, I need to make space to really let him be weak.\r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nSara: In a similar way, he\u2019s practicing and learning: \u201cOh, this thing is hard, and I can\u2019t come up with a new business strategy to circumvent this. I actually need to sit in this moment, and say, \u2018It\u2019s not working out like I thought it was, and this is hard\u2019.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: You obviously have an answer. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: No, I was just listening to two women talking about this. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t do this well.\u201d I do it a lot better now than I ever have. \r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, yes!\r\n\r\nDave: Some of that took years and decades.\r\n\r\nAnn: I remember saying to Dave, \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d He\u2019d be like, \u201cI don\u2019t know! What do you mean?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: I know a lot of guys\u2014you get in a men\u2019s group with them\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cDude, what\u2019s really underneath all that?\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t know; I\u2019m just mad!\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cI know. Why?\u201d \u201cBecause\u2026\u201d\u2014and they [mention] situation, expectations, whatever\u2014yes, there\u2019s a root to that. I never knew there was a root; and then, when somebody told me\u2014this is decades ago\u2014I said, \u201cI don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t want to get to the root.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cI\u2019m just going to fight through it. [Laughter] And I\u2019m going to get the job, and I\u2019m going to\u2014\"\r\n\r\nSara: \u2014You and everybody, because it feels\u2014honestly, it feels\u2014really unknown to get to that root; right?\u2014it feels very unknown to me.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and very vulnerable, too,\u2014\r\n\r\nSara: \u2014very vulnerable.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and weak.\r\n\r\nSara: For my husband, one of the things we\u2019ve talked through is, if he\u2019s gruff, that\u2019s like my warning sign he\u2019s actually hurting\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nSara: \u2014and I\u2019m wanting to respond to his gruffness and quiet that down. When, in reality, what he really needs is, when we have a quiet minute, for me to say, \u201cThis is hard, isn\u2019t it?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Or \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: Or \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: I can\u2019t say it\u2019s 100-percent true, but I think it\u2019s very, very true for every person listening to what you just said\u2014especially men\u2014if I\u2019m gruff, it\u2019s a flashing dashboard light on my soul saying, \u201cIt\u2019s something else.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: \u201cThere\u2019s something underneath that.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cThere\u2019s something off.\u201d It\u2019s worth paying attention to. And then, if you can identify it, grieve it: \u201cCan you grieve it? Can you give it a funeral?\u201d Maybe it\u2019s an expectation: \u201cI\u2019m not getting a promotion; it\u2019s not going to happen.\u201d\r\n\r\nAgain, even as I say that, I\u2019m like, \u201cI can make it happen. I\u2019ll get around another way.\u201d But at some point, there are things where God is setting a limit, and that\u2019s a gift.\r\n\r\nSara: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Even saying it out loud, it\u2019s like, \u201cI still don\u2019t want limits to be a gift\u2014and beauty in boundaries\u2014but you\u2019re right; there are times we have to say, \u201cI need to grieve this; I need to accept this; I need to move into this in a beautiful way\u2019.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think we do this with our marriage a lot. We want to change her (or change him) to be what we thought we married anyway. \r\n\r\nSara: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: And then, at some point, we realize, \u201cNo, who she is absolutely beautiful. I need to embrace and love her as she is, not make her any different; because she is a gift from God to make me better, just the way she is.\u201d That\u2019s hard to get to a place where you\u2019re settled and content.\r\n\r\nAnn: It is; yes.\r\n\r\nSara: Right; which is why I think grief is such an important part of the process. It\u2019s just like that children\u2019s book: \u201cYou can\u2019t go over it; can\u2019t go around it; can\u2019t go under it; have to go through it.\u201d [We\u2019re Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen] Grief is a necessary part to accepting the reality that God has given us and to actually embracing it, to seeing it as being beautiful. \r\n\r\nI think of\u2014let\u2019s talk about marriage in particular\u2014early years of marriage were really hard\u2014giving myself permission, as a newer bride, to be disappointed and sad moved me away from mad [and] definitely opened a door for connectedness with God, because it didn\u2019t feel\u2014my conversation with God before then, had been one dimensional: \u201cChange this in him!\u201d I just felt like I was the head of my prayer team for my husband, you know?\r\n\r\nAnn: Me, too! [Laughter] Oh, I was the President of it.\r\n\r\nSara: The President of the Prayer Team. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201c[Shouldn\u2019t] we all be praying for my husband?\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: That\u2019s right! But that was my one-dimensional conversation with God. \r\n\r\nCan there be another way? Which is I sit with You, and I say, \u201cActually, this is really hard, Lord, and I\u2019m sad. the young bride in me is sad that this isn\u2019t what\u2014or he\u2019s not who\u2014I wanted him to be or who I thought he would be.\u201d In that grief, God meets us, and really, I think, He changes us. \r\n\r\nDave: He gives us new eyes.\r\n\r\nSara: We become the people we want to be in grief.\r\n\r\nAnn: As you guys were saying that, I thought of the potter\u2019s wheel. I picture it as the clay being on the potter\u2019s wheel. We don\u2019t want to get on there.\r\n\r\nSara: No way.\r\n\r\nAnn: Because marriage and our children form us, and God is using them to shape us into these people that He sees and wants us to become; but, man, when His hands get on there through our marriage or through our kids, it\u2019s painful in the moment.\r\n\r\nSara: It is. Well, I think about kids, we can get really bent\u2014especially with children who are in teen years and into the young adult years\u2014as to what we imagine them to be and how we imagine their life to be. Because, as parents, we feel like we\u2019ve been given the key. It is a hard key to relinquish, to say, \u201cYou know what? In this season, this is really painful that it is not looking like what I thought.\u201d But if I can sit in the grief of it, maybe God might open my eyes to what He is actually doing in that child or what He is actually doing in me as I wait on what He\u2019s doing in that child. That\u2019s hard.\r\n\r\nAnn: So hard.\r\n\r\nSara: It\u2019s a crucible, and I think nobody talks about that because\u2014or we don\u2019t talk about it all that often, because\u2014we just imagine the dreams for our kids are going to be the actual things that they walk out. But even in a wildly thriving child, it\u2019s still not going to play out exactly how you pictured all those years that you prayed for them. \r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019ve talked to so many moms\u2014because I\u2019m around so many moms\u2014that have said and cried, \u201cHe gave his life to Jesus when he was five. I knew God had His hand on him. I thought he was going to\u201d\u2014and then, they\u2019ll name all of the things\u2014\u201cI thought he was\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026she was\u2026\u201d. And now, they\u2019re shattered. What would you say to that person?\r\n\r\nSara: Yes, those are the limitations we\u2019ve been taking about: \u201cWhat if your dreams are on the other side of the fence?\u201d You\u2019ve got this yard in front of you and this life in front of you, and your dreams are over there; and you cannot get there. I think we experience it a lot with our kids because we see their sovereignty; and we think, \u201cI cannot make something happen here.\u201d Could it be that, widespread across the body of Christ, God is reaching people through their delayed prayers; delayed answer to prayers? \r\n\r\nI think what happens, if we give ourselves permission to grieve that, is [that] it becomes a different conversation with God. It\u2019s not: \u201cChange this kid,\u201d \u201cMove this.\u201d  We\u2019re really masters of interceding, but what about grief prayers, where: \u201cI cry with You; and I use the Psalms as language to talk to You, God, and I actually find Your comfort?\u201d So, I think there\u2019s a power grief actually gives us. We talk a lot, in our current culture, about being present; being present with our kids, being present with the life right in front of us.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nSara: Mostly, I think, because our phones feel like this massive distraction. \r\n\r\nAnn: Me, too.\r\n\r\nSara: I wonder if being present isn\u2019t actually something we need to pursue, in and of itself; but if it becomes a byproduct of grieving our limitations, meeting with God in our limitations, and having Him impart His dreams for our life\u2014His will for our life\u2014in a way that is different from what we thought. When I can walk through grief [saying], \u201cThis hurts,\u201d my eyes start to open, that there\u2019s more going on in my life than just me overcoming this one limitation. \r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s good. What do you mean by \u201cpresence\u201d when people say: \u201cHis presence,\u201d \u201cBeing in His presence,\u201d \u201cBeing more present in the situation?\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: I think being more present to a situation is like\u2014it\u2019s 10 o\u2019clock; we take walks in the woods every day with my littlest people; or it\u2019s 9:30 in the morning, and we\u2019re taking a walk in the woods. The way the sun hits my littlest girl\u2019s hair with its blond curls, and I get to think, \u201cOh, Lord, I\u2019m old, and You also gave me a child in my older years. It\u2019s wonderful.\u201d Or at the birthday party, right? Where we\u2019ve done all this to celebrate my daughter and, maybe at the very end, I see her hug her best friend, and I think, \u201cThis is sweet that she\u2019s able to develop this friendship.\u201d Being able to stay present in the moment without all these thoughts hanging out in the back of my mind, distracting me from being able to see what God is doing right here. \r\n\r\nAnn: Our son\u2014he calls them \u201cGod goggles.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: Yes!\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cPut on your God goggles to see what God is doing.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: That is so good.\r\n\r\nAnn: I think you\u2019re right. When we notice, when we put down, when we say, \u201cI\u2019m going to put my God goggles on,\u201d\u2014there\u2019s something spectacular, everywhere, [where] God is displaying Himself.\r\n\r\nSara: Even in the moment, we can get so fixed on the thing that we want to overcome\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014yes\u2014\r\n\r\nSara: \u2014if it\u2019s a health issue: \u201cWhen I\u2019m finally through this\u2026\u201d I also have a sick child: \u201cWhen we finally figure out what\u2019s going on with him and figure out to help him, then we\u2019re really going to settle into a normal life as a family\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014\"and then, I can be more present with God even.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: \u2014\u201cthen I can be more present.\u201d\r\n\r\nCould it be that the Lord is saying, \u201cYou know what? Right now, I actually have beauty for you?\u201d It\u2019s interesting\u2014the notion of grief and walking through seasons of grief\u2014I have heard people say: \u201cYou actually grow your capacity for joy when you grieve,\u201d because you start to see the smaller things that you wouldn\u2019t see when you\u2019re not grieving. \r\n\r\nWhen you\u2019re grieving, your eyes open to your own pain; and in opening to your own pain, it\u2019s like you start to have your eyes open to other things around you that you wouldn\u2019t have seen when you\u2019re just plowing through life. There is a gift that God gives in our limitations, and in grieving them, that we start to think, \u201cOh, there\u2019s beauty right here in my yard. No, I\u2019m not getting that one thing that I\u2019m so desperate to have, but right here\u2026\u201d \r\n\r\nI think of\u2014our family took a big, epic\u2014this is not the way that we normally vacation; normally, we are piled into a van, with suitcases falling out of the door every time we open it, driving across the country; but our family took a trip\u2014a one-time, once-in-a-lifetime, trip\u2014to Maui. While we were there, there were just some struggles that were surfacing within our family. I had some alone time, and I was thinking, \u201cYou brought us all the way to Maui, and this is coming with us? You\u2019ve got to be kidding me; this is our vacation. You brought me to Maui, and this is happening! You brought me to Maui, and this is happening!\u201d \r\n\r\nAs I\u2019m saying it, I\u2019m also writing it in my journal, it was like the emphasis changed, as if it were His words to me: \u201cThis is happening, and I brought you to Maui,\u201d [whispering] \u201cThis is happening, and I brought you to Maui.\u201d It was like this picture to me of God saying, \u201cDon\u2019t wait until this stops happening, because I have moments for you right now\u2014\"\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014that you\u2019re like, \u201cNow. Don\u2019t wait.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: \u2014\u201cto encounter Me. Live your life now.\u201d \r\n\r\nI can say to somebody who is struggling with Lyme Disease, \u201cI could wait until I\u2019m through with all this and miss a whole lot of time where God is saying, \u2018I want to meet you right now, when your family\u2019s not functioning on all cylinders, and when you\u2019re not knocking it out of the park, as a mom; when you\u2019re a C- mom, I have things to show you right now.\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: [Laughter] \u201ca C- mom\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: It amazed me\u2014the verse came to my mind; I\u2019m sure you\u2019re familiar\u2014\r\n\r\nPsalm 34:18: \u201cThe Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.\u201d It\u2019s those moments where you\u2019re almost pushing Him away because you\u2019re so broken. And when you pause, He flips it, like you said.\r\n\r\nSara: He says, \u201cI am near, and really, what you want all along is my nearness.\u201d If we think about it, the end of all our dreams and our goals, deep down inside, is [that] we want to feel like we\u2019ve made an impact; we want to feel like we\u2019re seen; we want to feel like we belong. Could it be that, in the times when those things are thwarted, God gives us that just with Himself; His nearness to the brokenhearted?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: I like that idea, too, Sara, of just as we\u2019re talking about beauty in our boundaries, of just\u2014like we\u2019ve talked about how God whispers to us\u2014that we\u2019re not so distracted that we can\u2019t hear His whispers, or we\u2019re not so distracted that we don\u2019t see the beauty in what\u2019s happening all around us, even in the midst of pain.\r\n\r\nSara: Right!\r\n\r\nAnn: I think, for moms as listeners, it would be great to talk with your kids about that: \u201cWhat are the hard things going on in your life, and in our family, and in the world?\u201d [And] \u201cWhat are some of the good things you\u2019re seeing, too? What are the good things that God is doing in the midst?\u201d because He\u2019s always moving, and He\u2019s always good.\r\n\r\nSara: Absolutely. I think that is the gift of our limitations. We have eyes fixed over the fence line. If [you] can name them, and grieve them, and accept them, you start to look at the grass underneath your feet with different eyes. You start to look at the tree in your yard.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m talking from real life\u2014my limitations\u2014I feel like I wrote this book and my limitations only got more intense. It\u2019s like the Lord saying, \u201cYou have life right here, Sara; not when Lyme is done, not when these things are resolved in your family, not when you have a more quiet house or a more ordered mud room with no mud. [Laughter] There\u2019s life, right now, for you. There\u2019s beauty right now. It\u2019s accessible.\u201d \r\n\r\nI would say, for listeners: right now, that thing that you\u2019ve been praying for to change, there\u2019s life when it doesn\u2019t; there\u2019s life for you right now, when you\u2019re waiting, and it\u2019s not [changing].\r\n\r\nAnn: Will you pray for our listeners, the ones who are feeling like, \u201cThere\u2019s so many limits to my life right now.\u201d\r\n\r\nSara: Yes, I would love to. \r\n\r\nGod, we thank You that You meet us in our limitations. We thank You, God, that we don\u2019t have to wait until they\u2019re done, or over, or we\u2019re through them to dream with You. \r\n\r\nGod, I ask for listeners, right now, who are very acutely feeling their limitations, whether it be physical, or in their family, or in their marriage, or with their parents, or with their children. God, we ask that You would come, even today, God, and give them a brush with Your wonder and Your beauty. Give them a whisper that says, \u201cI\u2019m here. I am near to you, brokenhearted.\u201d \r\n\r\nWe ask, Holy Spirit, that You would help us to grieve what hurts and not just stuff it. Give us a way through, God. Amen.\r\n\r\nAnn: Amen.\r\n\r\nShelby: Right now is when you can find beauty in the life God has given you. I love what Sara has directed our focus toward today, because who doesn\u2019t struggle with contentment? Who hasn\u2019t, at one point or another, longed for life to be different than what it was? So many of us are over-the-fence gazers, looking at what could be instead of what is. Today\u2019s conversation has been significantly helpful from my perspective, and I hope it really has been for you, too.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Sara Hagerty on FamilyLife Today. Sara\u2019s written a book called The Gift of Limitations: Finding Beauty in Your Boundaries. I have actually been reading this book\u2014I\u2019m reading it right now\u2014I\u2019m about half way through it. It has been enormously helpful for me to look at things like my weaknesses, my limitations, and the fences in my life as good gifts from God instead of things that God is putting in my life to hold me back, or to make me feel like I can look at other people\u2019s lives with longing because my life doesn\u2019t measure up to what their life is like. It really has helped me in many ways to unlock satisfaction with the way that God has lovingly and purposefully directed my life.\r\n\r\nYou can get your copy of Sara\u2019s book right now by going to the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or you can give us a call at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nI wanted to let you know that this is a very unique and rare month at FamilyLife\u00ae, because we, as a ministry, have been given a generous donation that will allow any gift given to the ministry of FamilyLife to be doubled, dollar-for-dollar, up to $500,000. Yes, that\u2019s right. So, any gift that you give to the ministry of FamilyLife will be matched, dollar-for-dollar. When you become a monthly partner, and you give $100, it\u2019s actually going to be turned into $200 a month. If you give a one-time gift of $50, it\u2019s going to be, actually, a gift of $100. \r\n\r\nYou can go online, right now, to FamilyLifeToday.com; click on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page; and it will walk you through how to become a partner with us here at FamilyLife. You can find more details in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nNow, how do you build relationships, make an impact, and connect with your community? Well, next week, Chris and Elizabeth McKinney are going to be here with Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about just that: having a godly strategy when you think about being a good neighbor. That\u2019s next week. \r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/280276","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=280276"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=280276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=280276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=280276"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=280276"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=280276"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=280276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}