How to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton

Episode Transcript

FamilyLife Today® with Dave and Ann Wilson – Web Version Transcript

This content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.

How to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton

Guest:Chris Singleton

From the series:What Hate Couldn’t Destroy: Chris Singleton (Day 1 of 2)

Air date:August 6, 2026

Dave (00:04):

There was an event that took place in 2015 in Charleston, South Carolina, that I don’t think anyone will ever forget.

Ann (00:12):

I remember that, too; devastating.

Clip voice #1 (00:16):

Nine people killed by a young man, 21 years old.

Clip voice #2 (00:20):

That a white male, in his early 20s, walked into the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and began shooting. Mr. Roof is charged with nine counts of murder and one count of possession of a weapon during the commission of the crime. You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people. Roof showed no emotion as relatives of the victims addressed him over the video link.

Clip voice #3 (00:49):

Every fiber in my body hurts.

Clip voice #4 (00:53):

I will never talk to her, ever again. I will never be able to hold her again.

Ann (01:07):

Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Ann Wilson.

Dave (01:13):

And I’m Dave Wilson and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Ann (01:28):

That was the day our country was rocked, and I remember it because it had an effect on me. It had an effect on people that were there.

Dave (01:36):

And we’ve got a gentleman in the studio today, who is personally affected. Chris Singleton is with us today, who travels the country as an inspirational speaker, former professional baseball player. So Chris, I’ve heard you speak. You’re a YouTube phenomenon. Did you know that?

Chris (01:57):

Well, I didn’t know that, man. I didn’t, but I appreciate that for sure, man.

Dave (02:01):

No, I mean, I’ve watched you in front of little kids, and high schoolers, and even businessmen and women. And one of the things I’ll never forget—and I’d love to hear you talk about this—is what you call your five numbers: 1, 70, 50, 9, and 1. Did you see that? I didn’t even have to look at my notes.

Ann (02:20):

I was pretty impressed by that, actually.

Chris (02:22):

That was really good, man.

Dave (02:23):

No, and when I first heard you say those numbers, I thought, “You’re a baseball guy; you’re talking about your average.” You said 170. I’m like, “Oh, 170? Is that what he hit?” And then you walked through those numbers, and it’s really life changing. So help our listeners understand, what do those numbers mean?

Chris (02:40):

I call it my struggle moment, man. Those numbers, to me, they keep me going every single day. So there was 1—1 person that was misinformed and misled to hate people that looked like me. And unfortunately, this 1 person, he walked into my church, Mother Emmanuel AME, and fired over 70 bullets. And during Bible study that night, over 50 of those bullets entered bodies. He took 9 lives and 1 of those lives happened to be my hero, my mom. And so those numbers to me—when it gets tough, being on the road, when it gets tough, being away from my family—those numbers lock me back in, and they keep me going to keep spreading the good word.

Dave (03:20):

Yeah. So can you take us back? I mean, you get a phone call, you’re what, 18 years old, 17?

Chris (03:25):

Yeah. 18 years old. I just finished my freshman year of college, had a pretty good freshman year playing this mid-major school.

Dave (03:33):

Pretty good. I mean, you even beat Clemson.

Chris (03:35):

Yeah, we did.

Dave (03:36):

Isn’t that the first time in school history?

Chris (03:37):

First time in school history to beat Clemson, man.

Dave (03:40):

Did you do anything in that game?

Chris (03:41):

I did. I had a great game, man.

Dave (03:43):

I already know this. I’m trying to let you tell everybody how great you are.

Chris (03:44):

Thank you for telling me—I owe you—I like that, man. So we beat Clemson, four hits, diving catch, and the coolest thing for me, man, my mom was such a baseball mom. She was a teacher at my high school. She’s on the intercom the next day: “Did y’all see my baby last night? He had such a good game.”

Dave:

Really?

Chris (04:02):

Man, phenomenal freshman season. But I call it “the unthinkable” is what happened to me and my family—because we see stuff like that on TV, and in the newspapers, or on our phone, we’re scrolling; but we never think it’ll happen to us. And that’s what that night, June 17th, 2015, was for me. I get a phone call to come down to our church because something bad happened. And ultimately, I get down there and I realize that it wasn’t just something bad, but it was the unimaginable—that my mother and eight other people were shot and killed.

Ann (04:31):

So Chris, you have two younger siblings.

Chris (04:34):

I do. I do.

Ann (04:35):

Did they go to the church with you?—or the hospital?

Chris (04:38):

I went straight to my church—this is fresh—and somebody said, “Chris, get down here,” so I went down to my church. They put us in this hotel—is what they had us in—at this time, you see all the social media stuff coming to your phone. Everybody’s calling you, but nobody’s telling you anything. You just know something bad has happened. I didn’t tell my brother and sister to come down there because I had no idea what the severity of it. So ultimately though, that night, I had to tell them that Mom was gone, and it wasn’t just me. I had my high school sweetheart, my wife now, that was there with me to help me break that news to them. But it was really, really rough for us in that moment.

Dave (05:15):

If I remember right, you got a call from your mom’s phone.

Chris:

Yeah.

Dave:

So you almost think it’s her.

Chris (05:20):

Exactly.

Dave (05:21):

But it’s not, so you have no idea. You get down there. When they say your mom was gone—because not everybody was killed; nine were killed, and she’s one of them—do you remember thinking, “What do I do?” Or what was your first thought?

Ann (05:37):

Were you angry? Were you sad? Walk us through your emotions.

Chris (05:42):

First of all, when I got down there, I was just extremely anxious. I didn’t know what was going to happen. We’re in a hotel room, but it’s actually like a conference room in the hotel. And so everybody in there is screaming, and all the stuff’s happening there, police in and out.

Ann (05:57):

And give us the details of what happened. Someone walked in.

Chris (06:00):

Yeah. This guy walked in with eight magazines of bullets, with hate in his heart—his mission of starting a race war—and he fired all those bullets in my church because of the color of their skin. That’s what happened. But that night, I didn’t know why it happened or what was going on. I just knew that my mom went to Bible study and later on that night, there was a coroner there. I always mention that I hope people are privileged enough to not know who the coroner is—because I was 18, and I didn’t know who she was—but she said to me, “Chris, can you describe your mom?”—is what she asked me to do? Ultimately, I thought, “Well, is she asked me to describe this because my mom is hurt so bad?” or “Is she asking me this because she’s trying to confirm that my mom’s okay?”

(06:42):

And so I described my mom, and finally, she said, “Chris, it’s confirmed your mother’s been taken away.” And so when I heard that, it’s like you go numb, and telling my brother and sister is probably one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do in my life.

Ann (06:57):

How old were they at the time?

Chris (06:59):

Little brother, 12; little sister, 15—so middle school, high school. Telling them that our hero, our mom, was no longer with us.

Ann (07:09):

And your dad?

Chris (07:10):

Dad wasn’t there that night. He wasn’t doing too well. And so I called him and I called other people. I actually called my high school basketball coach. That’s why I got such a great relationship with him, because we think—sometimes, as educators, you think you’re doing what you’re doing; maybe you’re making an impact. Well, when my dad didn’t answer—my friends are calling me and this and that. And the third, I called my coach. And so for me, that night was rough. It was really rough. There was no sleep that night. My little brother who was 12, I actually slept in the bed next to him and he’s crying himself to sleep and for a period there, I didn’t give myself any time. I just started thinking, “What do I got to do for them?” And we always hear, “Chris, be strong, stay strong.” And so I thought being strong meant never crying.

(08:00):

I thought being strong meant never showing any emotion. And so there was a small period of time where I thought strength was being a robot and life has a funny way of letting you realize that’s not strength, that’s just being fake. I’m grateful that God gave me the wisdom to be a real man, and show emotion, and finally come back down to earth and figure out that, “Hey, we’re all human. We all go through things,” and showing emotion doesn’t mean you’re weak. It just means you’re a human being.

Dave (08:29):

I mean, you had to keep it together. I mean, in some ways were you the dad to your siblings?

Chris (08:34):

I always say I was like a father figure, but I realized, really quickly, that being a father figure wouldn’t work for them—because I’m saying, “Hey, make sure you do this, do that, straight As, this, that, and the third.” They’re like, “Chris, if you don’t get out of my face, man.” So I realized I just got to be a big brother because father figure wasn’t going to cut it—but definitely taking care of them. I always told them, “Hey, we want to make Mom proud. We can’t let Mom down. Let’s you do what she wants us to do whether she’s here on earth or not. We know that she’s rejoicing and a better place.”

Ann (09:02):

Did you know the other victims that were killed that night? Did you know any of them?

Chris (09:07):

Absolutely. Mother Emmanuel, we’re a small church. I always joke that the average age at Mother Emmanuel had to be like 65. It was an old church, right? And so the young families, we stuck together. Everybody was like a grandma, grandpa, or auntie, uncle. And so when you did well at your game, everybody at the church knew. When you got a scholarship to play in college, everybody at the church knew. They celebrated you.

Ann:

It’s like a family.

Chris:

Oh man, for sure; it was a family. So I knew everybody that lost their life that night, for sure.

Ann (09:36):

Oh, so I’m just wondering, here you are this young man. This person walks in to start a race war. How are you not enraged? Did you get to the point, where you’re sad—you said you were in shock. Did you get angry?

Chris (09:49):

Sometimes, people ask me, “Chris, would you change a thing?” Well, absolutely I would. I want my mom here with me, but I know, for a fact, that God put forgiveness in my heart; because there’s no way in the world that I could have said that I forgave my mother’s killer. And the way that I describe it is when I forgave my mother’s killer, it was like a reporter kind of rushed me and said, “Hey Chris, how do you feel about it?” I remember she was from the BBC. She said, “How do you feel about all these things happening? What do you think about the killer?” And I said, “I already forgive him. Our family already forgives him.” And my sister looks over at me, like, “We what?” Right? And for me, I described it as being on autopilot. You know you’re driving home sometimes, and you don’t even know if you turn left or right, but you just get into your driveway.

(10:30):

You’re like, “Man, I don’t know what stoplight I was at. I don’t know what stop sign.” I was on autopilot and that’s what it was for me when I forgave my mother’s killer, and I know why now. I know why—because forgiveness wasn’t just for me that day. It was for so many people that were like, “Man, if this guy and these families can forgive, how can I not?” I’ve just seen so much good come from it. But I was upset then that my mom was no longer here, and I’m still upset that my mom won’t see her grandsons play T-ball. So I’ll forever be upset, but I think angry and having anger and no, I don’t feel that in my heart right now; and I haven’t ever.

Dave (11:06):

I mean, do you remember a process of walking through, like you said, the anger to the forgiveness? Was it instantaneous, or did it take a while? What was that like?

Chris (11:17):

No, man. I think when I first lost my mom, we didn’t know that she was killed because of the color of her skin. We just knew that a guy walked in and did that. It was just a mass shooting. We didn’t know why the mass shooting happened. And so I was just devastated that my mom was gone. I thought it was just a mass shooting that happened. I didn’t know the reasoning behind it or nothing like that. I immediately looked at my brother and sister and said, “Man, our mom is who feeds us. What are we about to do?” I have no idea. I didn’t know anything about car insurance, didn’t know anything about healthcare. I didn’t know anything. I was blessed to have a mom that took care of all that stuff and so I didn’t know. And so immediately I’m trying to figure out, “Well, how are we eating on Tuesday night?”

(11:57):

“Who’s driving to school for the next five years?” “What’s going to happen?” And so that’s what the process was for me, initially. Now, when things died down—the media went away and all that stuff happened—then I was able to sit down and think, “Man, my mom was really killed because she’s black.” That’s a terrible way for somebody to go. And I’m so grateful that in that time, I think God was molding me; because me, personally—man, if it was just up to me, I would have been like, “Hey, this happened. I want to play my sport and that’s it.” But God had other plans for me. I didn’t see that at the time, but I see that now. The process for me with forgiveness is simple. I think you got to say it out loud. “I forgive Dylan Roof. I forgive him for taking my mother’s life.” I think there’s got to be something on the other side of that forgiveness.

(12:45):

As a believer, there’s something on the other side of salvation for us. When we die, there’s eternal life. And so for me on the other side of forgiveness, I think, “Man, now I don’t have to think every single young white male is racist.” That’s on the other side of forgiveness for me. On the other side is “Now, I don’t have to be nervous when I walk into a room; and I can have the door behind me and not be scared,” on the other side of forgiveness. So there’s got to be something on the other side of it, when you talk about the process of it. But initially, man, God put it on my heart. I’d be giving myself way too much credit, saying, “I did this and that and processing it.” No, God put it on my heart. That happened, and now, I know why.

Ann (13:23):

One of the questions we get most often this time of year is what study should we do with our small group?

Dave (13:29):

I thought you were going to say, who’s going to win the Super Bowl?

Ann (13:31):

I know. I was going to say that. And honestly, if you haven’t done the new Art of Marriage, and I said it’s a new Art of Marriage yet.

Dave (13:39):

It’s been like refreshed, redone, and it is awesome.

Ann (13:43):

You should do it. Give it a shot.

Dave (13:45):

Yeah, you can do the Art of Marriage and if you want, maybe you want to do a parenting study. We have the Art of Parenting or Vertical Marriage. They’re all video studies and workbooks and they’re on sale right now through the end of August, 25% off. That’s a deal. I like sales.

Ann (14:01):

Me too.

Dave (14:01):

So go to FamilyLife.com/shop, pick out whichever small group study you want to do and go watch God work in your life and even more importantly in the lives of those that you’re leading, FamilyLife.com/shop.

Ann (14:19):

I’m listening to you thinking, “Man, this faith!” You’re 18 years old and yet, you had this foundational faith. How did that come about?

Chris (14:28):

Yeah, I was raised in the church; but being raised in the church doesn’t mean anything. It just means you don’t got a choice. That’s what that means. And so I went to church, like any other kid would, but I say there’s a crossroads. When you go through something really tough, especially when your mom is murdered while she’s praying, praying in church.

Ann:

She was praying.

Chris:

Yeah, in Bible study. You can say, “Hey, my mom was murdered in church. There’s no way God is real.” You could say that or you could say, “God, I don’t know how in the world this happened or why it happened, but I know only you can get me through it.” I went with the latter; and because I’ve gone with the latter, that’s where my faith has been strengthened, tenfold. I’m super practical about things; because if your mom was murdered while she’s praying, you could say, “Man, Chris, how could she be killed if she’s praying to the God that you serve?” I’d say, “God, I don’t know how.

(15:16):

I don’t know why, but I know only you can get me through this mess.” God has come through, time and time after again. So I think my faith is definitely strengthened after it. I used to read my mother’s Bible. She used to read from cover to cover. She was one of those types of people. Every year, read cover to cover, and she would highlight things. For me, finally reading the Bible by myself, not just trusting my pastor to do it or my mom to do it—me reading myself. I would read her Bibles and reading those scriptures, that’s when I found my faith, not just relying on my mom or my pastor, but I found a relationship for myself.

Dave (15:50):

I mean, was there ever a moment where you struggled with the: “How in the world does my mom, or anybody, go to a church, sit in the Bible study, pray, and lose their life?” Did you ever struggle with, “God, what are you doing?”

Ann (16:07):

Or did your siblings?

Chris (16:09):

I never struggled with the how, because I think there’s, obviously, good in the world—but there’s some real bad in the world, unfortunately. There’s some people that want to do evil things and I’ve realized that we have the gift of free will. So some people are going to use it and it’s going to be cursed. And so I never struggled with the how, but I always struggle with the why. “Why did my mom have to go?” The person that would love everybody. She was a track coach, would take you home from school after practice and say, “Hey, did you get a meal? If not, let’s go to Wendy’s or Hardee’s or something real quick.” So I struggle with the “Why?” “Why my mom?” As far as my faith, I’m so grateful that I didn’t go the other way—but my brother had a point in time, where he said, “Chris, man, I see you’re real strong in your faith, man, but come on now.

(16:54):

Come on now. Mom was praying, and that’s the same God that you’re praying to?” So he really struggled with that for a while. I struggled with it, being big brother. I said, “Man, if my brother gets in a car accident, I don’t know where he’s going right now.” You know what I’m saying? And so I really struggled with that; but there was a guy who was a chaplain for the Patriots. He said, “Chris, don’t push him right now. You push him right now; he’s never coming back.” But he definitely had that struggle with, “Man, Chris, I understand your faith has been strengthened because of it, but Mom was praying and she got killed. So it’s tough for me to believe.” He definitely had that.

Ann (17:28):

I’m interested, like when you called your basketball coach, what did he say to you?

Chris (17:33):

This is a guy that has been there through everything for me. He’s actually, I always say this. He’s actually the first white person I ever heard say, “I love you” to me. And he truly meant it too. He poured into us and we still have that relationship to this day; but talking to him, it was all about encouragement. Sometimes it’s not about what you say, but it’s about being able to pick up the phone and just hear somebody’s voice. And even today I’ll text him every now and then just say, “Hey, thank you for all you’ve done for me in my life.” And he’s always like, “Man, I love you, Chris.” So we still have that relationship, but being present sometimes is more important than figuring out the right words to say. Some people ask me, “What should I say to this person?” Sometimes the words aren’t going to cut it, but just being there lets them know that hey, you care about them.

Dave (18:13):

So you were still in college at the time, right?

Chris (18:16):

Yep.

Dave (18:17):

So help us understand; you’re actually going back to school and playing baseball.

Ann (18:22):

I know, Dave. I’m still worried about how did your brother and sister get to school and how did they get fed?

Dave (18:27):

Because your dad—was he just AWOL?—he just wasn’t part of the—

Chris (18:31):

He struggled, man. I would say, in my mind, my dad struggled with alcohol pretty bad. So in my mind, I said, “Man, this is going to get my dad back on track, man. Losing my mom, he’s got no choice but to step up to the plate.”

Dave (18:43):

That’d be a wake-up call; yes.

Chris (18:43):

It’d be wake-up call is what I was thinking; but no, it was too much for him. He was really sick. And so my aunt, she actually stepped up to the plate, and they moved in with my aunt for a year. It was rough for them. They didn’t want to be in Atlanta. They wanted to be in Charleston where we’re from. And so for about a year, year and a half, they lived there until I got drafted by the Cubs. My whole college career after that was, “Hey, I’m going to make my mom proud.” She was always the baseball mom. “I’m going to get drafted for my mom.” I always have this hashtag that says, “Can’t let moms down.” Every post that I make says, “Can’t let moms down.” That was my goal, being an athlete in college. All I wanted to do was just play sports.

(19:23):

I would get all the interviews, “Hey Chris, you want to do this, do that?” “I’ll do it, but baseball’s my thing. That’s what I do.” And that’s how life was for a couple of years after I lost my mom.

Dave (19:32):

So tell us about—you get drafted, you’re playing baseball, you’re married.

Chris (19:37):

Yep, married.

Dave (19:38):

And do you have any kids at home, at that time, when you’re in the minor leagues?

Chris (19:42):

I did. Yeah. I had my little man CJ, Chris Jr.

Dave (19:45):

So he’s at home, you’re on the road trying to make it to the bigs. You’re not playing baseball now.

Chris (19:52):

No.

Dave (19:53):

Walk us through the end of that.

Chris (19:54):

I always say anybody that is married to an athlete, they got to be superwoman; because you’re gone a lot. I was gone seven months out of the year and at home it’s not just our son, it’s my little brother and my little sister.

Ann (20:09):

They lived with you.

Chris (20:09):

They lived with me. Yeah. They lived with us. And so my wife is literally like superwoman. She’s—

Dave (20:14):

Your wife is superwoman.

Chris:

Oh she is.

Dave:

You have your brother and sister living with your wife, and you’re gone.

Ann (20:18):

As soon as you got married, did they come to live with you?

Chris (20:20):

Yeah, and we’re 21. We might be 20. We might be 20 at the time and they’re teenagers. It’s hard, but we got through it. Let’s just say that.

Dave (20:31):

I’m guessing you got a phone call or two from your wife.

Chris (20:33):

Oh my goodness. Yeah. I got the phone calls, “Hey Chris, this happened, that happened.” I’m always trying to be man in the middle. “Hey, let’s just love everybody. Okay?” So I got those, but I was chasing my dream, playing baseball, played a couple seasons. First time ever going to a therapist was when I was playing in the minor leagues because I struggle with my sport. Everybody’s like, “Oh Chris, you’re letting your sport get you down, man. You’ve been through so much. You been through all this and you’re letting baseball hurt you.” And I was saying, “Man, baseball has been the one thing that I could have an escape from all the stuff I was going through.” And when I wasn’t having the success, it was tough for me, man, mentally. I started seeing a therapist. It was free therapy, which was super eye-opening for me.

(21:11):

I went for about a year and then I ultimately, in 2019, I got released by the Cubs. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was speaking in the off-season; I was getting opportunities. And so when I got released, I immediately made a social media post, “Hey, I’m done playing ball, but I’m going to continue this mission of teaching love, teaching how we can come together in practical ways.” So that’s what I started to do, and God has blessed it ever since.

Dave (21:35):

So you’ve been doing, you said earlier, 150 or so engagements a year.

Chris (21:42):

Tone that down—about a hundred—to be honest with you, coming up pretty soon. But me and my wife actually sit down every year. We talk about how many days I can be gone. I’m going on a couple’s trip in December. We’ll say, “Baby, how many days are you thinking this year?” And so I want to make sure that I don’t become a public success and private failure. One of my favorite mentors, Inky Johnson, said that and that stuck with me. I never want to become a person where I’m speaking on a stage one day and somebody asks my wife—they say, “Oh man, Chris is a great guy.” And my biggest fear is that she says, “Well, no, he’s not. Maybe he’s a good guy to you, but he’s not good a guy to us.” And that’s a fear that I have. I have nightmares about that, so I will never let that happen.

Dave (22:23):

Yeah. I always say when a guy says to me, and this happened hundreds of times, and his wife’s standing right beside him and he says something like this, “God’s number one in my life. My wife and my family’s number two and my job is number three.” I never look at the guy. I always look at his wife.

Chris:

Yeah, that’s true.

Dave:

When he’s saying that, it’s like her face, her countenance will tell you this is true. She’ll be smiling and like, yeah, or she’ll be like looking off or even maybe rolling her eyes like, “Yeah, he’s saying that, but it’s not real.” So you’re saying it’s really your wife that determines if your marriage is good.

Chris (22:59):

Absolutely, man. And everybody says the cliche answer, “Hey, why do you do what you do?” “Oh, my family.” Everybody says that, right? But being gone 150 days a year, I’m not with my family a lot. And so for me, I always say, “Hey, baby, this is the mission.” And if she didn’t see fruit from that mission, she’d be like, “Uh-uh, you staying home.” But I take screenshots of every DM that I get from somebody saying, “Chris, what you did today changed my heart. What you did today makes me think I can keep going. ” And so I’ll save all those, so she knows, “Hey, he’s not out there twiddling his thumbs. He’s trying to do the good work,” and she believes in my message and my mission.

Ann (23:35):

Well, I was going to say, you can’t do it without her either. You guys are a great team. You’re in a team ministry and I love that you’re sending those to her because you’re saying, “Look what we are doing for the kingdom and for unity in the body.”

Chris (23:49):

I love it.

Dave (23:55):

Well, what a journey we’ve had today with Chris Singleton and again, his book is called Your Life Matters. It’s a kid’s book and you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com and we’re going to have Chris back with us tomorrow.

Ann (24:10):

Our vision at FamilyLife is every home, a godly home, and we need your help to get there. And when you become a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and read more about it and become a partner. Just click the donate button at the top and again, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com.

Shelby (24:34):

Audio clips at the beginning of today’s episode came from Charleston County Government and Voice of America.

Dave:

FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife®, a Cru® ministry, celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.

If you’ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?

Copyright © 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

www.FamilyLife.com