Stop Performing for God: Portia Collins

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Stop Performing for God

Guest:Portia Collins

From the series:Overcoming Performance and Perfectionism (Day 1 of 2)

Air date:July 2, 2026

Portia (00:04):

I lived growing up, and then even into my college years, in this seesaw of, on good days when I didn’t cuss or do anything, “Oh, I am going to heaven.” And then on bad days, “I’m going to bust hell wide open,” which is crazy.

Dave (00:33):

Welcome to FamilyLife Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann (00:39):

And I’m Ann Wilson and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Well, this is fun today. I’m pretty excited to have—

Dave (00:55):

Because we’re on a couch?

Ann (00:57):

Yeah, that’s different and fun, but we have Portia Collins with us and just, I know that today’s going to be a great day because Portia, you’re here.

Portia (01:06):

I am so excited to be here and I love the setup. This is beautiful.

Ann (01:11):

It is, right?

Portia (01:11):

I feel really comfortable.

Ann (01:12):

I know. And it looks like you were made to be in this setup with your colors. It’s perfect.

Portia (01:17):

What is it? Providence?

Ann (01:18):

Yes, it’s providence. You’re right.

Dave (01:19):

Well, as we are studying you, we found out some unique things about you. Two, I want to ask you about: gamer, Marvel movies.

Portia (01:29):

Yes.

Dave (01:30):

You pick.

Ann (01:30):

No wait. Start with the gamer because you also say that you’re a Bible nerd.

Portia (01:36):

I am.

Ann (01:37):

So the gamer, the Bible nerd, do those go together? What do you think?

Portia (01:41):

Sometimes, yeah, because if I’m playing solo, sometimes I will be listening to the Bible while I’m playing.

Ann (01:49):

When did that start? How old were you when you started gaming?

Portia (01:51):

Oh, I started gaming—I probably was maybe seven or eight. My mom introduced me to gaming.

Dave:

What?!

Portia:

My mom is a gamer.

Dave:

Most parents are saying no.

Portia:

Still today, my mom is still a gamer.

Ann (02:04):

Come on.

Portia (02:05):

She’s at home at my house now holding down the fort with my husband and she is likely going to be playing my PlayStation at some point today.

Ann (02:13):

Okay, who’s better? Who wins between—

Portia (02:14):

Me.

Ann (02:16):

Who’s your favorite Marvel character, superhero?

Portia (02:19):

Okay. So this is a tricky answer because I really, really like Thor, but I feel like that’s the default answer. Everybody’s like, yes, Odin’s son Thor. But actually it’s Dr. Strange.

Ann (02:35):

Oh, see that’s pretty unusual.

Dave (02:36):

Really?

Ann (02:37):

There’s a lot of power there though.

Portia (02:38):

Yeah. Dr. Strange is so cool. And then his origin story and all of that, you really kind of see him go from being super arrogant, to way more humble and relatable. So yeah, Dr. Strange.

Dave (02:52):

Who’s yours?

Ann (02:56):

Thor can be a little more self-centered at the beginning, but you know who is the most self-centered was Ironman. I think I’d pick Iron Man.

Portia (03:03):

Okay. That’s a good one. That’s a good one.

Dave (03:05):

You can’t. That’s mine.

Ann (03:06):

Because he’s a genius.

Dave:

You can’t pick Iron Man.

Ann:

He’s not like one of the gods, but he’s like a genius.

Dave (03:10):

I like his humor.

Ann (03:11):

You like his humor.

Dave (03:13):

And he wants to help. He’s always saving people.

Ann (03:16):

He was selfish at first, but at the end he made the ultimate—

Portia (03:18):

It changed, right? Yep.

Ann (03:20):

—the ultimate sacrifice.

Portia (03:21):

Yes, he did.

Dave (03:22):

Is this what we’re going to talk about all day?

Ann (03:23):

Maybe.

Portia:

I could. I love Marvel. I’ve seen all of them.

Ann (03:27):

So have I.

Portia:

Of course, high five.

Dave (03:31):

All right. So talk about Bible nerd. We’re going to talk about your book about the book of Galatians.

Portia:

Yeah.

Dave:

How did this start? Were you always?

Portia (03:39):

A Bible nerd?

Dave:

Yeah.

Portia:

No, I was not. So I grew up going to church. My grandmother was the pianist, and my mother was the organist of my childhood church. And so church culture, particularly black church culture, was something that I was very familiar with. We were always at church because if the musicians are there, then—

Dave (04:01):

You’re there.

Portia (04:02):

Exactly. And so I was always there. I grew up with an understanding of parts of who Christ was, but not a full understanding of that. And so my understanding of the gospel was that Jesus had cleared the plate, and it was like in my mind it was like, “Okay, now it’s time for me to put something back on the plate.” So I lived growing up, and then even into my college years, in this seesaw of, on good days when I didn’t cuss or do anything, “Oh, I am going to heaven.” And then on bad days, “I’m going to bust hell wide open,” which is crazy. Even we know in scripture it talks about a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. And that’s exactly what I was. I had such a warped understanding.

Ann (04:58):

And probably fearful.

Portia (04:59):

Yes, 100% fearful.

Dave (05:01):

I mean, that’s a lot—I think a lot of American—

Portia (05:03):

100%.

Ann:

Majority, I would think.

Dave (05:05):

Maybe it’s true everywhere in the world, but I know here I felt the same way.

Portia (05:08):

But the book of Galatians is where my life changed. And so I grew up, like I said, had this understanding. I knew of God, I knew of Jesus, but I didn’t really understand what Christ, like what the work of salvation was. And so when I got to college, I was a religious girl, but it’s like as soon as you get from under the thumb of your mama and your grandmama, you just start doing whatever you think you big and bad enough to do. And that was me. And so I got to college and the crazy thing was outwardly, I had this outward persona of I was a president scholar. I graduated summa cum laude, student government association, all these outward things that’s like, “Oh, she’s great.“

Ann (05:54):

And she’s got it all together.

Portia (05:55):

Yeah, and “She’s got it all together.” But you pull the curtain back a little bit and I was hot mess. I was a hot mess and God—

Dave (06:02):

What’d the hot mess look like?

Portia (06:04):

Oh my goodness.

Dave (06:04):

I want the dirt.

Portia (06:05):

You want the dirt, seriously. And I’m real about keeping that. I mean, let’s just be honest, like fornicating, like just living by the beat of my own drum in relationships that I had no business being in. I was the god of my life. And there were times when I felt justified in that because I had this outward persona of like, I’m checking the boxes, but inwardly, I was struggling because I still knew that something in the water ain’t clean and it was really breaking me down.

Ann (06:40):

What did you feel?

Portia (06:41):

I think what God allowed me to go, really come to a place where I had to grapple with my sin and it was brokenness, despair. Because here’s the thing, the point that we end up in with sin is never where we start and we can’t see just how big, bad and deep it goes.

Ann:

So true.

Dave (07:04):

It always takes you farther than you wanted to go.

Portia (07:06):

Yes.

Ann:

So you had probably guilt and shame along with that too.

Portia (07:08):

100%. Yes, 100%. And so once I got to that point where there was so much guilt, so much shame, it felt like my good stuff was no longer outweighing my bad stuff, I lost it. I was so broken. I remember, honestly, feeling like my life was not worth living anymore.

Ann (07:32):

Wow. Was this your freshman year?

Portia (07:34):

No. So this was after I graduated. So I went all the way through college which is—

Ann:

So you were partying hard in college.

Portia:

Yes. And still making good grades, doing all these things. And after I graduated, I hit the real world. And so the same school that I graduated from—actually, my first big girl job was there. I was an admissions counselor and that’s when it’s like life hit me in the face. I’m paying bills. I got an apartment. Now all my friends, all of us are scattered across the country. All of the things that I felt like I was using to hide or even not let my mind go to the reality of what my life was, it was gone.

Ann:

Feeling stripped.

Portia:

Yes.

Ann (08:15):

And you probably felt lonely.

Portia (08:16):

100%. Lonely, broken, what is my life, confused, all of these things. And so I went back to a fundamental principle that I learned as a church girl: read your Bible, pray. “I’m desperate. Lord, I’m broken.” I’m just going to read my Bible and pray.

Ann (08:38):

Your kids are fighting again. Somebody spilled something sticky. The coffee’s cold and suddenly you’re angry before 9:00 AM. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep reacting this way?” you’re not alone.

Dave (08:54):

And you forgot there’s poop everywhere. So here’s the deal. We’ve got author and mom of four, Janelle Breitenstein. She did a five-session video series designed just for you moms to help you get to the root of your anger. And let me tell you, Janelle has brutal honesty, humor, biblical truth, and practical help, and she explores triggers, fears, and whether anger can ever be godly and why our kids bring out so much in us.

Ann (09:21):

We all need this. So sign up free at FamilyLife.com/MomAnger.

Dave (09:31):

Isn’t it interesting how we never want to be where you were?—lonely, at the end of the rope, and yet it’s the most beautiful place because it’s when we finally look up.

Portia:

Yes.

Dave:

It’s like everything else that we’ve looked toward is like, it’s empty. It’s not fulfilling me. There’s got to be something else. And there you go back to your roots.

Portia (09:49):

Yes. And I didn’t even know what I was doing. So this just shows the sovereignty of God and how He works through things because I was just going back to—it was like I needed hope and I was like, “Okay, this is the only place that I know, because ain’t nothing else giving it to me. My job is not giving it to me, my relationship, none of that.” And so I go back and I just started every night when I would get off work from my big girl job, I would read scripture. In fact—

Ann (10:16):

Did you pray?

Portia (10:17):

Yes, I would pray.

Ann (10:19):

Had you been to a point of repentance at that point or were you just kind of praying?

Portia (10:23):

I definitely think I was at a point of repentance because I had already started cutting off things that I was like, I don’t want this.

(10:30):

Lord, whatever you don’t want from me, I don’t want for myself. And so I had reached that point. It was almost like finally coming out of the hole, out of that sunken place. And so like I said, I’m reading scripture. I remember being so hungry and even things that I didn’t understand. I remember during the work hours as I’m working, I would be listening to sermons from John Piper and Tim Keller. And I feel like I cut my teeth on the New Living Translation because I grew up King James Version and couldn’t understand who speaks old English. None of us. And I remember seeing some YouTuber or somebody talking about, “Get a Bible that you understand.” And so I got a Life Application Study Bible.

Ann:

That’s mine too. I love that one.

Portia:

But NLT and I would read every evening and the notes in it were so good.

(11:22):

And so this particular evening I decided to read Galatians for no other reason other than it was six chapters and I knew that I could finish it in one sitting.

Dave (11:34):

That’s what I was wondering. Why Galatians?

Portia (11:36):

That’s the only thing. But this was like, I’m telling you, this is a providence of God. Because I picked this just like I had been hearing people say, read scripture in context, start from the beginning. I was like, “Oh, this is six chapters. I can definitely read this one tonight in one sitting.” I tell you, hand up, when I finished my face was to the floor. I was laying on the floor weeping because for the first time ever I truly understood the gospel. It was as if a weight had been lifted from me because I finally understood that Jesus doesn’t just clear the plate. He is the plate. He puts it all on the plate.

Dave (12:23):

You got all that in one reading of Galatians.

Ann (12:28):

That is God because I was like, “How did she get it, Galatians. How’s she on the floor with Galatians?” That’s it.

Portia (12:34):

100%. And then from there I just kept drilling in. The book gripped me so much that I feel like I spent the next 10 years of all the books in scripture. I know I would reread Galatians over and over and study it more and it became more profound. But that very first reading was like I saw it so clearly, like I am not justified by all this stuff. Jesus justifies me, period. And if you really read the book of Galatians, Paul is making that so clear. The first half is just like a case study on this work is Christ. There’s nothing that you can add to it or take away.

Dave (13:22):

Well, I mean, he keeps us, you know better than anybody. You wrote a book on it.

Portia (13:25):

Yeah.

Dave (13:25):

But I mean again, as we’re getting ready to interview you, I’m like, I got to read Galatians again. I was in seminary. I studied it. I studied it in the Greek, but it’s been a long time. And I’m reading it yesterday and Paul from the first verse is hammering these people.

Portia (13:39):

Hammering, yes.

Dave (13:40):

Like what are you doing? You’ve added. So was that something that really got your attention? Because like I am done.

Portia (13:45):

It was like he was talking to me and maybe because I was reading the New Living Translation that it felt more clearer. Because prior to that I’d been reading, like I said, King James Version, but it was as if he was talking—

Ann:

Probably felt—yeah, fresh too.

Portia:

It was like he was talking to me like, girl, you are out here and you are trying to add, you’re vacillating from legalism to lawlessness. Either you’re living in a way where you feel like you’re justifying yourself through your good grades and your job and who your mom and them is and all of this.

Dave:

What you’re not doing anymore.

Portia (14:18):

Yeah, yeah.

Ann (14:18):

Read that in the Bible, parts of it. Just take us to the scriptures of what you read. Look at your beat-up little Bible there.

Portia (14:25):

I know.

Ann:

It’s cute. Is that an NLT version?

Portia:

This one is an ESV. So as I grew into being more of a Bible nerd, I started exploring translations more and—

Ann (14:39):

You’re getting closer to the original text.

Portia (14:40):

Yep. That’s what I like word for word translations. I like some that are what I consider an optimal balance like CSB, but ESV is—

Dave (14:50):

CSB. Bruce, CSB.

Ann (14:53):

Yeah, CSB.

Dave (14:54):

They’re our sponsor.

Portia (14:56):

Oh really? Really? I love me some CSB. They know it too.

Dave (15:00):

We get five points for that one.

Portia (15:02):

Yeah.

Bruce (15:03):

You can find out more about that at csbible.com.

Dave:

There you go.

Ann (15:07):

There we go, Bruce.

Dave (15:08):

CSBible.com. Or as Ann always says csbbible.com. No, it’s CSBible.com.

Portia (15:13):

CSBible.com.

Dave (15:14):

Well, I’ve got an ESV here as well.

Portia (15:16):

All right. Perfect.

Dave (15:17):

Hey, by the way, there’s some listeners and viewers saying, what’s the difference? Should I—should I do an ESV? Should I do an NIV?

Portia (15:26):

I love to talk about this. Yes. So first and foremost, God’s Word is God’s Word. And also there aren’t many of us out here reading Greek, Hebrew or Aramaic as the original manuscripts.

Dave (15:42):

Like I always do.

Portia (15:42):

Yeah. Oh, I know. You’re fancy. So I always tell people—

Dave (15:46):

No, I don’t, just in case you’re wondering.

Portia (15:47):

If you’re not, there’s no reason to feel like, well, I got to read the King James Version because that’s how I was written. Actually, no, it was written in Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic. So if you’re reading anything other than those things, then you’re not reading in the original languages. So that kind of gives us a little bit of humility to start with in picking our translations. And then from there, my advice is always if you are new to Bible study, I personally think that you need to get the easiest translation that you can understand to start. And then from there, you can move to word for word translations.

Ann (16:27):

But Portia, I will say I remember I was 16 when I surrendered my life to Jesus and I didn’t grow up in a church. I had tried to read it. This thing doesn’t even make sense before I was a believer. And when I was a believer, when I had first started reading it again, I’m like, are you kidding me? I can’t—unbelievable.

Portia (16:47):

Oh, 100%. That’s exactly how I felt. I was like, I’ve been in church all these years and just could not see it. And I knew I had such a disjointed view of scripture. And so I could cherry pick and I could quote John 3:16 if somebody asked me, “Well, what is the gospel?” And I’m quoting John 3:16, but when God really showed me the fullness of His Word and even now at the big age or little age of 38 now, I know I still don’t have all of it, but there’s so much there now that was not there before.

Ann:

So rich.

Portia:

Yes. And I never get tired of it.

Ann:

Me neither.

Portia:

It never gets old.

Ann (17:28):

I’m on year 20 of reading the Bible through every year and every year I’m like, “Are you kidding me? I never saw this before.” It just keeps getting better and richer.

Dave (17:38):

Yeah. And I’ll add this because I want you to jump into it. But think about this. If you want a great marriage, this is your foundation.

Portia:

100%.

Dave:

What would happen if you and your wife, you and your husband, and if they won’t, you do it. But it’s like, what if we build our life on the word of God? It’s going to change your marriage, going to change your legacy.

Portia:

Amen.

Dave:

All right, enough of that. Where do you want to go?

Portia (17:58):

This is going to be very interesting, but this is probably one—

Dave (18:01):

Everybody expects you to go to Galatians 2:20.

Portia (18:03):

No, I’m going to Galatians 3. I’m going to Galatians 3 when Paul is 100% not pulling his punches and he says, “Oh, foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?” Which is interesting because as I’ve initially—I didn’t know this, but as I’ve studied more and more, this word bewitched, you don’t see it mentioned anywhere else.

Ann:

Yeah, I can’t remember hearing that anywhere.

Portia:

It is not. It’s not mentioned anywhere else. I know specifically in the New Testament, but I definitely don’t think anywhere else. So he’s using some language where he’s like, “Y’all are crazy.” Okay. “Who has bewitched you?”

Ann (18:46):

You should do your own version.

Portia (18:48):

I know. People say this all the time, the Portia Bible. Portia verse crazy. The PSV. But he’s saying, yeah, “O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” I wish I had my NLT because it sounds even plainer in the NLT.

Ann (19:22):

Yeah.

Portia (19:23):

But it’s like he’s saying it like, “Are you crazy? Did you actually work or make yourself have the Spirit? Did you do this? Are you now trying to perfect?” And I think that word perfected hit me too because I am a—”Hi, I’m Portia and I am a recovering perfectionist.” And so when I read this, I’m like, “This is me. He is talking to me, and I am foolish and I have been bewitched.”

Dave (19:56):

I mean, here’s the NLT.

Ann (19:58):

Yeah, read it.

Dave (19:59):

Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you? For the meaning of Jesus Christ’s death was made as clear to you as if you had seen a picture of his death on the cross.”

Portia:

Yes.

Ann:

Wow.

Dave:

“Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not. You received the Spirit because you believed the message you heard about Christ.”

Portia (20:21):

Yes.

Ann:

What did that say to you?

Portia:

The word, believe, it was like, okay. And then I start reconciling things that I knew, like John 3:16. We don’t see anything else in there. It says whosoever believes. And so I’m thinking, and you got to take all this, the totality of this book in because as I’m reading this, it’s almost as if Paul is anticipating what questions are arising as he’s saying this.

Ann (20:46):

Yeah.

Portia (20:46):

So even as I was reading this at the time, I’m saying, “Okay, so all it is, I believe in Christ, what He has done, His work on the cross is sufficient and I am saved.” Then it’s like, now what? And then Paul says, “I got your now what? Now this is how you live in light of that.” Not because you’re doing anything to save yourself, it’s because of your salvation that you now live in a way that pleases God, that glorifies God, that really was the way that He intended.

Dave (21:20):

I mean, the amazing thing about what Paul’s writing to the Galatians is you could say exact same thing to us today.

Ann (21:27):

Absolutely.

Portia:

100%.

Dave (21:28):

We are bewitched.

Portia (21:28):

We do it today.

Dave (21:30):

In the church.

Portia (21:30):

Yes, in ministry. Even now, I recently just wrote a blog on my Substack and the title of it is, I’m Not That Great. And the reason why I wrote it because I realized how much I still even now struggle with perfectionism and how particularly that is exposed when there are areas where I realize I’m not that great, that I can be forgetful, that I can miss, that I’m not always operating in this sense of excellence. Even though I want to, there are moments when I mean my—

Ann:

We’re just human.

Portia:

Yes, my humanness is exposed, and, in those moments, it has been such a hit that I’ve even struggled like, “Did I really hear you clearly, God?” And God is constantly showing me, “Girl, you not putting anything on this plate. Yeah, you missed the mark on this, but guess what? I’m Jesus.”

Ann (22:32):

That’s a good reminder, too.

Portia (22:33):

And I need it because—

Ann:

Me too.

Portia:

And like I said, especially when you have a type A personality, you are high functioning, overachiever. I always want to make—love it when people is like, “Great job, Portia. You came through for us.”

Ann:

That’s us too.

Portia:

And when you have a moment when somebody’s like, “You didn’t come through for us this time. You missed it this time.” I cannot take that and then begin to let that inform my identity. Christ informs my identity.

Ann:

That’s so good.

Dave (23:02):

I mean, so much of Galatians is about identity in Christ. We’ll get into that tomorrow. In fact, teaser for tomorrow. Give us one thought on, you’re a mom, you’re a wife. Is there a thought based on everything you’ve just talked about that informs you as a woman of God and as a wife or as a mom?

Ann (23:20):

Don’t answer it.

Dave (23:22):

No, no, no. Just tease us.

Portia (23:24):

Tease us. Now you know I’m not a lady of few words.

Ann (23:30):

See, I think that’s the teaser is the question is.

Portia (23:31):

I would say freedom.

Dave (23:33):

Okay.

Portia (23:33):

That would be the teaser. Freedom in my role as a wife. Freedom in my role as a mom. Freedom like—

Dave (23:43):

All right, that’s enough.

Portia (23:44):

All right. Okay.

Ann:

Because that’s a good one because we don’t always associate freedom with being a mom or a wife.

Dave (23:51):

Or a dad. Or a husband.

Ann (23:52):

Yeah, that’s really good.

Dave (23:54):

So we’re going to hit that tomorrow. And by the way, her eight-week Bible study is called Finding Freedom, and you can get it at FamilyLifeToday.com. Just click on the link in the show notes. But tomorrow we’re going to take that concept, this book of Galatians, and say, okay, how does it impact marriage, family, legacy? It’s going to be a good day.

Ann (24:13):

All right, let me just say this. We know life is full of challenges and families today need biblical truth more than ever. Isn’t that true?

Dave (24:22):

That is true.

Ann (24:23):

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Dave (24:32):

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Ann (24:43):

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